All language subtitles for Sidewalks_Of_New_York_2001.English

We're going to ask you
a series of questions.

Some will be basic,
biographical questions.

Others will be very personal
about your sexual history.

That being said,
let's start with telling us...

When you lost
your virginity.

december 5, 1994.

It was my senior year
of high school,

and i lost it
to Danny Rizzo.

My parents had gone away
for the weekend,

and we each did about
eight shots of vodka...

and then we did it.

then we threw up about
ten minutes after that, so--

First time i had sex,
i was actually pretty young-- fifteen.

and she was a freshman in college.
and it just kinda happened.

I was hanging out with friends in the
parking lot of the a&p drinking some beers.

She pulled into the parking lot
in her dad's new Cadillac.

We got to talkin',
and the next thing i know,

We're in the backseat
kinda goin' at it, so--

It was pretty cool 'cause i had
never been in a Cadillac before.

I was a late bloomer. It was
my junior year of college.

and i lost it to the woman
i eventually married, Maria.

So, i really only had sex
with one woman up until that point,

and that's probably why
i got divorced.

I was only 16,

and he was much older.

He worked with my mother.
My parents got divorced when i was nine.

and he used to come to the house
for dinners and parties and things.

but then he started coming over when
he knew my mom wouldn't be home.

and then one thing
kinda led to another.

and before i even knew
what was happening,

i was having my first affair
with a married man.

When i first had sex?
My dad drove me down...

from our apartment
in the Bronx where we lived.

He took me down to the upper east side
to some high-class whorehouse.

and she said her name
was Cherry Pie.

I always liked that name--
Cherry Pie.

Let's just say I have a very clear
image of her in my mental file.

He was the sweetest guy in the world.
We went to high school together.

and we both wanted to wait until we got
married 'cause it was that catholic thing.

But i wanted to do it
before my 18th birthday.

So we went to this
bed-and-breakfast in Saratoga,

and we just made love
for three straight days.

And then we went off to college and
promised to be faithful to each other.

And then what happened?

Well, I was faithful
for the first semester.

And he came back after christmas break
and told me he was gay.

So i guess he was a little sweeter
than i would've liked.

Okay, wait a second, Sue.
I mean, this is unbel--

I mean--
I mean, come on!

I don't even understand
where this came from.

How long have you been thinking about this?
You just drop this on me all of a sudden today?

I mean, I don't even know-- stop!
You're stuttering. Okay?

It's over! It's simple! Pack your shit.
Get out by the weekend.

Seriously, this is like--
this is like a shock to me.

Look, I don't know what else you want me to say.
It's simple, it's not brain surgery. It's over.

- I want you to have your shit out by the weekend.
- You gotta be kidding me!

- I'm not kidding you.
- When did this come about?

Oh, my god, gimme a break.
You know this was inevitable.

Look, if i thought this was inevitable, I wouldn’t
have given up my apartment 6 months ago, would I?

Oh, no, no, no, don't you pin that on me.
I didn't ask you to give up your apartment.

No, but you did ask me to move in with you, right?
That I didn't fuckin' imagine. Did I?

- What do you want me to say to you?
- You know what I'de like? How about a fuckin' explanation?

Why do you need an explanation?

- Why can't you just see the writing on the wall?
- Why can't I see the writing on the wall?

Because the only thing i can see is this
ugly freakin' painting that cost me a few grand.

you want the painting?
you can have the painting.

Look, I don't want the painting.
What are you talking' about I got you the painting.

- I don't want it
- Then what do you want from me?

You know what I want?
I just want you to talk to me.

Just tell me why
you're doin' this?

Where you goin'? Tell me why you're doing this!
This is comin' out of left field here!

Do you want kids?

Yeah! You know I want kids.
We've already discussed this.

When?

As soon as you're ready.

Guess what.
Not ready.

You ever notice how whenever you
bring up kids, I change the subject?

I don't want them...
Ever!

That was kinda harsh,
you know,

Because we were talkin', everything--
kids, marriage, the whole nine.

Then she drops that on me
out of the blue, so--

That was kinda tough.

- I told you moving in with her was a big mistake, didn't I?
- I know, I know.

Tommy, you are not the
settling down type of guy.

You're the type of guy that has to be
out there every day makin' it happen.

Forget about that
wife and kids crap!

What is that with you anyway?
You take it from somebody who's been there.

A wife and children will
drive you to an early grave!

Take a look at me, for example Tommy.
Tommy Take a look at me, baby!

- You're an animal.
- I'm an animal !

I am twice as vital as any
married man half my age.

- Ain't that right, sweetheart?
- So you keep telling me.

Tell the kid how many
women i've porked.

Enough to definitely make every
woman sick to her stomach.

- How many? come on.
- Five hundred.

I have had sex with
500 different women,

and I left them all
baying at the moon.

You stick with me, kid, you could
wind up with twice that many.

- So what was the fight about?
- I don't know.

I came home from work, everything
seems fine, she's having a sandwich.

The next thing I know, she's screaming
at me, kicks me out of the apartment.

- She kicked you out?
- It was her place.

Tommy, she kicked you out?
that's unbelievable.

In my day, I would've thrown her
big ass right out the door.

So, what do you need?
a place to stay for a couple weeks?

huh?

I can't ask you to do that.
I'll get a sublet until I find a new apartment.

Why don't you go live
in a box in an alley?

As long as i'm breathing,
you've got a place to stay.

Stay with me a couple weeks,
I'll get your head all straightened out.

We'll put that romantic idealism
crap to bed once and for all.

But for now, Tommy, I want
you to do yourself a favor.

I want you to go out
and try to get laid.

Because nothing heals a broken heart
like a brand-new piece of booty.

Don't listen to him, please.

- The eyes.
- Yeah, i see the eyes.

My name's Tommy Reilly.

I'm 32 years old.
from Queens originally.

Are you afraid of getting
hurt in a relationship?

No, you know? I think,
uh, it's better to just go for it, right?

What are you gonna do? live your life
in fear, uh, of gettin' a broken heart?

It's the price you gotta pay
to potentially be happy.

You said it's over here?

- Are you gonna rent that?
- Yeah, yeah.

- Definitely?
- Yeah, definitely. Why?

I just wondering maybe you still hadn't
made up your mind between the two.

- Just holding it in your hands.
- Uh, no.

I'm definitely gonna rent this one.
I'll give you-- you want this one?

No. I came for that one.
It's a great movie.

That's what I heard.

I'll just keep looking.

Sorry.

- Hey.
- Oh, hey. How you doin'?

Good. I was wondering.
have you seen this?

- Uh, no
- It's really g-- it's very different.

I would-- i'd love to help you out here,
but I gotta watch this for work.

Oh really. you sure--
they've got a great selection of other--

I know,
but I gotta see this one.

No?
Okay.

There's nothing I can do
to change your mind then?

No.
Okay.

- Well, I tried.
- Yeah, yeah.

- Enjoy your movie. It's a great movie. good night
- All right.

Uh, excuse me.

Hey. how you doin'?
Hi.

I was thinking, if you want
the video that badly,

why don't you give me
your phone number?

When i finish watching it, I could give
you a call and then maybe bring it over.

No, I don't want to see it
that badly. Thank you.

Okay. 'cause it seemed like back there
like there was some sort of emergency,

- Like you need to see it tonight.
- No.

Now you got me feeling like
i'm some kind of shit heel, you know?

Like i should've
given you the video.

Like it would've been
the gentlemanly thing to do.

Well, it would've been,
but you missed your opportunity.

Then why don't you let me
make it up to you?

Why don't we go in here
and get a cup of coffee?

We can talk and--

am i coming on too strong?

I just was thinking,
we could get some coffee--

Okay, how about this?

In exchange for the video now,
i'll give you my phone number.

And if you call me later this week,
we'll do coffee then.

but how do i know that you'll,
you know, give me the right number?

We are making
a deal here.

You're either in
or you're out.

I'm in.

Make sure you return it on time.
I'd hate to pay a hefty late fee.

You don't know his name,
you don't know what he does for a living.

You don't know where he lives.
But you gave him your phone number!

He seems like
a nice enough guy.

We just kinda skipped
the personal stuff.

You are supposed to start
with the personal stuff.

"where do you live? what do you do for a living?"
Like a basic background check.

what if this guy calls you?
You don't know him from a hole in the wall!

He could be a sexual deviant.
I don't know, something!

He was renting
Breakfast at Tiffany's.

That hardly seemed like the kind of movie
the neighborhood perv would get off on.

Breakfast at Tiffany's.
Okay, well, he's gay.

Did i ever tell you the ratio between
single, straight, gainfully employed men...

- And single straight women in this town.
- Yes, many times.

- I did, right? Okay.
- Mm-hmm.

So don't go get your panties
in a bunch over this guy.

I bet he'd rather redecorate
your apartment than, you know--

- Than what?
- Than take care of his manly obligations, that's what.

My name is Maria Tedesco.
and my age is none of your business.

And I don't even think
I should be doing this.

All right. um-- i'm originally
from staten island.

Now i live in manhattan, which i hate.
I'm a teacher.

I'm here, ps-3.
Sixth-graders here...

Make more in weekly allowance
than i do in a month.

But, um, I love
the little sons of bitches,

so it makes it all
kind of worth it.

Maria, it's me, Benjamin.
Can i talk to you?

Ugh!
I'm listening.

I was in the neighborhood.
I thought i'd come by and say hello.

This is a really bad habit
you're developing, Benjamin.

Yeah, but i-- you know, I--
I've been waiting to see you for a while.

I thought maybe this time
you'd let me in.

I miss you very much.
Let me in. we'll talk.

I promise
I won't try anything.

I promise, okay?
Please?

I'm Benjamin Basner.
I'm 24 years old and I'm from Brooklyn.

My sex life?

At this point, it's nonexistent.
- Hey, you suck!

At this point,
it's just totally, uh--

Should we start again?

Why do you keep using the excuse
you were in the neighborhood? - I was!

You live three blocks away.
You're always in the neighborhood.

but I wrote you a song and I
thought maybe you want to hear it.

- No, 'cause I've heard enough of your songs already.
- Don't say that.

- I miss you very much. Is that so bad?
- No, it's not bad.

But the thing is, it's been over a year already.
you need to get over it. - You don't understand.

I can't get over it.
I can't live without you.

Really.
I can't.

I want you to look at me.
Take a good look.

I have gained 15 pounds
since the divorce.

- Fifteen. okay?
- Yes.

We should consider getting back together,
if for no other reason than my health.

Why the sudden change of
heart after a year?

I'm finally okay and you want to play
with my emotions again?

I'm not playing with anything.
I just recently realized...

- We had a beautiful marriage, and i was eating well.
- what?

and I --
I didn't have the foresight to see how great it was.

What are you talking about? We fought all
the time. We made each other miserable.

We stopped having sex. you started cheating
on me! What was so beautiful about that?

We had some ups and downs,
but we also had some very good times.

- Name one.
- You want me to name one?

yes, yes.

July 4 weekend
in '97.

That was nice, but they were
few and far between.

What about that time during my junior
year in college when we went skiing?

You mean the time when you twisted
your ankle in the parking lot...

Before we got to the mountain,
and we had to spend the entire week in bed?

Yeah, but we had a damn
good time in that bed.

My jaw is still a little sore,
if you know what I mean.

That was a really
long time ago, Benjamin.

It'd be nice to spend
some time together again.

- Let's get into bed and we'll talk
- We'll talk?

Yeah, because I'm sure that if you let me
have a word with your friend down there,

I could convince her that
we should work things out.

I almost had you there,
didn't I?

Come on.

Look, Benjamin,

You wanted a divorce,
and you got it.

No. Now you gotta let me
get on with my life.

It's only fair.

- I fucked it up, didn't i?
- Big time.

all right.
I'm sorry.

- Good night.
- Good night.

Ben, did you ever cheat on Maria?
Yeah, I cheated on Maria.

But it wasn't really
my fault.

She was the first and only woman
that I had ever had sex with.

Besides,
we were way too young--

Way too young
to get married.

Especially me.
I could never see myself...

Never having sex
with another woman.

It's crazy. not that I didn't love Maria,
because i still love Maria.

But I would find myself walking down the street
wanting to have sex with every woman i saw.

eventually I tried to.

Why would you even
go see her again?

- I miss her very much.
- No you don't. You're just horny.

When was the last time
you got laid?

I don't know.
Like a month or so.

A month or so?

Yeah, it was like October
or November.

You know what? It's March, Benny.
that's four months.

You've got a semen buildup.
it's clouding your judgment.

- Go out, find yourself someone, you get laid.
- Right.

I guarantee you, one week
in a new relationship,

you're gonna forget
all about Maria... again.

Remember why you got divorced?

- I cheated on her.
- And you cheated on her because what?

You were miserable and because you
were too young to get married.

We're gonna be rock stars.
we got no time for wives...

Because we're gonna have scores
of groupies, to do whatever we want.

Listen.
Hey, if you're horny, get a hooker.

No. see,
that's for you.

- I couldn't do that.
- What's wrong with a hooker?

No.
I don't want it on my resume.

I don't want to get old, have kids,
and have the kids find out...

That their father
was with a hooker.

How the fuck they gonna find that out?
I don't know.

It's not even like i have
a moral stance here.

- Forget i brought it up. Forget it.
- That's not for me.

I gotta roll. I gotta meet my mom uptown.
All right.

She's taking me to Bloomingdales to go shoppin'.
you wanna come?

No. No.
I gotta get back to work.

I'll see you at rehearsal.
Yeah. All right, man.

Be good.
You take it easy.

- See you at rehearsal. All right.
- Check you later.

Hi.

- Would you like anything else?
- No, I'm all right.

- Just the check.
- Okay.

I was thinking that Gio was
right about what he had said.

Maybe I should get back out there
and start looking for a girl.

So when I thought that waitress
at the coffee shop--

She's gorgeous, right?

It was obvious to me she was sending me
those kinds of signals,

so I thought I'd stop by after work
and see if I could chat her up.

- Hey, how you doin'? How's it goin'?
- Good.

- Do I know you?
- You don't remember?

- I was in the coffee shop earlier today. remember?
- That's right.

There was a moment where you
were looking at me and smiling.

And I said, "oh, boy!
you don't--"

I thought maybe I'd come by and introduce myself.
how you doin'?

- Hello. Ashley
- How are you?

It seemed obvious to me that there
was something special between us.

Really? when was that?
While i was pouring you your coffee?

Right. There was then.
And then there was one--

You were behind the counter and I looked
at you, and you smiled at me again.

If you're so into me, why did
you only leave me a 50-cent tip?

- It doesn't make any sense.
- Let's be serious.

As much as i felt the connection,
I only had a couple cups of coffee.

I've got to be honest with you buddy.
You're not doing a great job selling yourself.

- really?
- really.

Maybe it's hard to imagine,
but I'm a very nice guy.

I play guitar in a band.

That explains the uniform then?
- No.

This is for work.
I'm a doorman.

So listen, where are you from?
You're not from New York right?

- No, no, no. I'm from Iowa.
- Iowa? Okay.

- I was in Atlanta once.
- yeah?

Iowa's not in the South.
You know that, right?

- I didn't know that.
- Okay. Now you know.

Listen, I wanna to ask
You out on a date.

I wanna go out on
a date with you.

What do you say?
Me and you. I'm a nice guy.

'Cause if you say no,
I'm gonna be there every day...

At that coffee shop having breakfast
until you say yes to me.

I'm flattered, I am.
You are? I'm glad.

I'm flattered, but i'm seeing somebody,
so i can't.

Okay.
That's a shame.

Thank you, though.
You're very beautiful.

That's very sweet.
Thank you. All right.

I've gotta go. bye.
All right. Take it easy.

You're very beautiful.

- Thank you.
- Okay.

I feel like a fuckin' asshole.

All right.
that's proof in itself.

I come off gay
in this outfit.

My name is Ashley
and i'm 19. I go to N.Y.U.

What if my family
sees this?

Can this tape
get out at all?

so, that was
a lot of fun, huh?

Yeah, it was all right.

What do you mean, "all right"?
what is that?

It was fine.

You know.
It was just... sex.

What do you mean--
What are you talking about?

It wasn't just sex for me.
I mean--

It seemed to me you were having a pretty good time.
- Really?

Is there something wrong?

It's just every time
we get together,

It's always in some hotel room
and it's only for an hour.

Would you rather not see me at all?
- No. No.

I'd rather see--
I'd rather you were a single guy...

That could take me to movies
and dinner once in a while,

Instead of some married man who i have
to have sex with during his lunch breaks.

What would you rather
have me do?

Would you rather I parade you around
the city so my wife can find out about us?

Would that make you happy?

Honestly? Yes.
Yes, it would,

Because i'm feeling pretty cheap right now.
- oh, come on.

You knew what this was
when you entered into it.

You knew i was a married man
and I did not want to get divorced.

That was the arrangement,
and you said okay.

If you want to put an end to it now,
fine, let's do it.

You're such an asshole!

Why am I an asshole? Why?
Because I'm honest with you?

Because I'm trying
to help you?

Besides, what would you
like me to tell my wife?

How about the truth?
hat might help.

You've got some dumb young slut
who agrees to have sex with you...

In hotel rooms
on your lunch break.

But she's getting fed up! So you better
smarten up or you might lose her.

That's what you should tell your wife.
That's nice, that's really nice.

- Are you done? Are you done now?
- No. i'm an idiot.

- Why are you an idiot?
- I'm so fucking stupid.

I'm being kept by a married man
who can't get it up half the time.

It happened once. Once.
- Twice.

One and a half, 'cause remember,
we finished-- we finished.

What are you doing?
What's going on?

Come on.
What are you doing?

Are you gonna tell me you've
never had a good time with me?

huh?
you like this.

So do i.

You like the clandestine nature
of it. you told me that.

You told me you liked going to nice hotel rooms.
You'd never been to a nice hotel.

Come on.

I'd trade all of that just to be able
to walk down the street with you...

And hold your hand
just once in public.

Maybe that will
happen someday.

That would be nice.
well?

Come on.

Griffin?
hmm?

- Lance wants to see you.
- Okay. I'll be right there.

Now.

okay.
Rinse out, paul.

- Another late lunch?
- Jealous?

What's goin' on, Lance?
Hey, not much.

Just wanted to see
how you were.

- Me? regarding what?
- Oh, just in general.

You seemed a little
distracted recently.

- I wanted to make sure everything was all right.
- No, I'm fine.

- Annie?
- She's fine.

- And the little girl?
- You know.

- Griff, why don't you get a divorce?
- Shh.

You're not being fair
to Annie.

I told you,
I can't get a divorce again.

- Come on.
- Why not?

Because then I'd be
a two-time loser.

Come on, Lance. If you knew how much
money my first wife took from me...

Every month, it would
break your heart.

I had to give up the town house the first
time around. I can't go through that again.

So you're telling me that
you're resigned to the fact...

That you're gonna stay married
to a woman you don't love...

For the rest of your life?

I love Annie.
that's not what--

How many couples do you know
stay together, right, for a long time,

and they talk about passion,
the sex, the lust?

It doesn't happen. After a while,
people stay married for other reasons.

They stay together for companionship,
for stability, security.

I mean-- that's what happens.
It's normal.

Griff, when you get up in the
morning and look in the mirror,

you like what you see?

Uh, well, my name
is Griffin Eretso.

I'm 39. I'm from the Bronx.
i've been married for six years.

And, you know,
the thing with Ashley is--

You know, the little girl.

I really love her.
I do. she's great.

But you know,
what am I gonna do?

I'm married and I can't
get another divorce.

you know, i--
I love spending time with her.

We have a great time
together.

She's a great kid. But can i imagine
spending any real time with her?

No. I mean, maybe.
I don't know. I mean--

I think that's why I like
to keep it restricted to hotel rooms.

Because we talk a little,
we have sex and then I go.

And I guess I never really have
to get to know her because--

And that's actually kind of sad,
I guess, but, you know--

What am I gonna do?
I'm married.

Are you guys
really moving?

This is a beautiful city.
Why would you want to live anywhere else?

I'm not saying I dislike the city.
I'm saying I'm burnt out on it.

I need a little nature
now and again.

yeah. central park isn't cutting
the mustard for him anymore.

Perhaps it's because I've turned 40,
but i'm experiencing this enormous void in my life.

It needs to be filled.
- Hello! I got a void here that needs to be filled.

You don't seem too concerned with that.

A little tact, please? must you reduce
everything into a conversation about sex?

- I'm sorry. you're right, honey.
- Thank you.

I just thought if I talked about it,
I might get some once in a while.

So, has Grizzly Adams here
explained to you...

How he plans to fill this void?
- No.

I've purchased land upstate.
I'm going to build a log cabin on it.

You're going to build
a log cabin?

From scratch. just me, the logs
and some cutting tools.

And when I'm finished, I shall retire there
and live out the rest of my days.

Retire at age 40?
that's--why not?

Tell them about the tepee
I'm gonna sleep in when I visit.

- This is good.
- ha-ha-ha-ha!

Have you heard of the expression
"firewood warms you twice"?

Once when you cut it
and once when you burn it.

I'll take half that action.

My point is simply that I'm looking
forward to getting in touch with nature.

I give you a week
outside of manhattan...

Without your Sunday Times
and box seats at shea.

Oh, look,
she's drunk... again.

You know, Harry,
I know what you're saying.

I feel the void.

what are you talking about?
Since when do you feel the void?

I've felt it for a while. I think
we all focus on the wrong things,

like clothes, money,
diet, stupid crap.

You think about our grandparents. they
went through two wars, the depression.

They had to think about where
was their next meal coming from,

and could they afford
to keep the apartment heated,

and who's gonna pay for the
doctor when someone got sick.

They were miserable.

they had a reason to be, whereas we,
on the other hand, don't.

I totally agree
with you, Annie.

You're so full of shit!

His parents grew up
on Park Avenue.

Once again, she misses
the point completely.

- Oh, wow.
- I'm sorry.

My name's Annie Matthews
and I'm 29.

I grew up on the upper
east side of manhattan.

I feel very frustrated with
my friends and my life recently.

We live in such a cushy society.
We have no real threats, no real problems,

so we obsess on
these silly little things.

we create problems, especially sexual,
and I think it's pathetic.

Almost everyone I know is obsessed with
their sexuality and their sexual life.

And i think all this thinking
about it can't be healthy.

If you look at television,
movies, advertising, internet--

I mean, everyone
is just obsessed.

They spend all their time thinking and
talking about their sexual lives.

What would you rather
them talk about?

I don't know, but I think there could be
deeper things people could talk about,

Like having a family and sticking together
through good times and bad times.

You know, but it's always, like,
"he's insensitive," or "she's cold."

I mean, who really gives a shit
about how many orgasms--

How many orgasms
you can have?

Who cares about
love anymore?

Doesn't anyone
care about that?

Ahh. Christ!

That was a lot of fun.

I guarantee those two will
be divorced within the month.

Why do you say that?
They've always talked like that.

Harry talking that crap
about his cabin and void?

The only void he has is that
he wants to fuck other women.

Why do you say that?

Are you guys such great friends
that he'd confide in you about that?

No, but we've had
drinks together.

He starts to drink too much and he starts to talk.
I mean--

What are you saying?
Has he cheated on her?

I don't know specifics,
But I do know that one time we went out...

And he was drinking,

And talking to this young bimbo and...
He left with her.

If anything happened after that,
I don't know, so--

How could you not
tell me about this earlier?

Harry's a friend of mine,
that's why.

Since when?
I introduced you.

What does that mean? Harry can't be my friend too?
- No, he can.

But your loyalty should be to Hillary
Because you knew her first.

You want to know the truth?
I never liked Hillary.

Frankly, I don't blame Harry for
getting a little something on the side.

That is so disgusting! she is my best friend.
Secondly, they're married.

Do you think that's acceptable behavior
for him to get some on the side?

That's not what i'm saying, but he and I
have talked about his sex life.

And frankly, she is not
the warmest person.

She is not
the most giving, okay?

So, a guy like that,
he gets his load on...

And he wants to find a little
warmth and kindness somewhere else.

"warmth and kindness"? That's fucking gross!
Let me ask you a question!

How would you feel if I went out
to seek warmth and kindness...

From some young stud?
- But you would never do that, so.

That is not
the fucking point.

You're not as affectionate
as you used to be.

But does that give me
the right to cheat on you?

Why are we having
this conversation?

Can we calm down? It's idiocy.
Let's change the subject.

I don't think it's idiocy to talk
about fidelity and monogamy...

With a person
you're married to.

If our sex life wasn't great, would you
come to me and talk about it...

So we could work on it,
or would you just have an affair?

have an affair? Why would you ever
think I would do such a thing?

I don't know. maybe 'cause you
cheated on your first wife.

Okay, all right.
that's true.

But it was different
because I didn't love her.

And I love you,
so it's totally different.

Look, why do you
compare me to Harry?

Harry's a shark. This is a guy
who cheats hardworking people...

Out of their hard-earned money
every day of his life.

That's his job.
That's what he does.

I'll tell you something. you marry a guy
like that, who's a scumbag in his job?

He's a scumbag in life.

What do I do for a living?
I'm a dentist.

Honey, I can't
believe you're--

I'm sorry about what
I said about Hillary. I am.

I know she's your best friend.
it was very insensitive.

I'm telling you, just don't ever
fucking cheat on me, Okay?

Okay!

I can't believe we're even having
this conversation. It's so silly.

My first wife, um--

Her name was Sara.

And, yeah,
I cheated on her.

We were married three years. Only after
three years I started cheating on her.

It wasn't because we weren't having a
good sex life. We had a very good sex life.

It was just that
I have a very...

European outlook
on marriage.

I don't necessarily
believe in monogamy.

I love my wife,
I'm with her, we have sex,

But then i have
the occasional affair.

It's been done in Italy
and France, uh, for years.

I don't know if the germans
do it. I don't know what they--

I don't know what they do.
but, you know--

but, you know--
you know-- you know--

So, it's a very different life.

That's the kind of life
that I have and--

I think what Annie doesn't know isn't
gonna hurt her, to tell you the truth.

I think it's depressing
sometimes.

You pass thousands of people
on the street every day,

Yet you can still feel
so isolated.

Isolated and alone.
you walk by.

You're in a crowd of people--
millions of people.

Yet nobody knows you, they don't know what
you're going through and--

I don't know. I just feel
kind of melancholy lately.

I'm turning 30 next year,

And I guess my life just isn't
what I thought it would be.

Excuse me. Are you
the real estate agent?

Yes. Annie Matthews.
nice to meet you. how are you? Tommy.

Shall we go up?
- Yeah.

It's a great neighborhood. It's recently
been renovated. 2,500 square feet.

- How many bedrooms?
- Three bedrooms, two-and-a-half baths.

That's good, that's good.
I want to find a big place like this.

The kind of house where you can
grow old in, you raise a family in.

I'm sure your wife would love it.
How many kids do you have?

My wife? I'll let you
know when i meet her.

How many?

Like five, maybe.

Gotta start with five,
you know?

What do i look like, a bunny rabbit?
How am i gonna have five kids?

So what about you? Any kids?
- No.

hmm.
You married, though?

That's a wedding ring on your finger, right
- Yeah.

- Happy?
- Are you writing a book?

I'm sorry.
I'm just, you know--

I was just trying to make
polite conversation.

- So, what do you think of this place?
- It's nice, it's big.

But it doesn't feel like me.
It's a little feminine.

We'll keep looking then.

Where you runnin' off to?
- If you can believe it, I've got a date tonight.

Good for you. you got right
back out there, huh, kid?

That's great.

Aren't you gonna
take a shower?

Think I need to?

There's a definite scent
of something there.

I don't now what it is.
Slap some cologne on. You'll be all right.

I don't like to wear cologne,
but thanks anyway.

- I think I'll be fine.
- You don't wear cologne?

You'd rather show up on your date
smelling like some barnyard animal.

Slap some cologne on.
shows you got class.

Don't forget the balls.

- What are you talking about?
- Spray some on your balls.

I'm not gonna put cologne on my balls.
you think I'm some sort of savage?

I want you to listen
to me on this.

I could smell your armpits
from here, okay?

What do you think your balls are gonna
smell like when she sticks her face there?

Give those bad boys a spritz
and she'll love it.

Go ahead,
do what I tell you.

All right. You're a sick man,
but I'll do it in the next room.

They love it when
the balls smell nice.

Let's them know you care.

Would i have sex
on the first date?

I think i might be starting to sound
like an asshole here, but who wouldn't?

Oh, sure. I'm not one of
those girls that thinks...

She can't have a real
relationship with a guy...

If she sleeps with him
on the first date.

You know, that's silly.

Oh, I'm all for it,
preferably before...

Going to the movie
and paying for the popcorn.

Um, I just think it's weird that
there's this person out there...

Just walking around,
leading their life.

Then you meet them in a bar, and then two or
three hours later, you have their penis inside you.

I think that's a little scary.

I was happy.
or thought I was.

But he thought
we were too young...

And couldn't see himself being faithful
for the rest of his life.

So what happened?
what, you got divorced?

Not until i found out that he
was sleeping with other women.

You see, it's so fragile.
I don't know a single person...

That hasn't either
cheated on their spouse...

Or been cheated on at some time.
- I know, it's depressing.

So what happened?
Did you catch him? How did you find out?

You weren't hitting on her?

No!
I was just talking to her!

I was standing right there.
I heard you.

What did you hear?
You want me to repeat it?

Yeah, because I didn't say anything...
- Oh, really!

That would warrant
these accusations.

Telling someone I work with, that I have
to see every day, that she has nice tits...

- Doesn't warrant these accusations?
- I didn't say that.

All I'm saying is,
you have really nice breasts.

All right, maybe I said something like that,
but I was only kidding.

- kidding?
- yeah! I was flirting, but a kidding kind of flirting.

No. flirting I don't have a
problem with. flirting is one thing.

But trying to fuck one of my co-workers--
That I have a problem with.

Jesus, I mean
that is harsh.mm-hmm.

What about you? Have you been on a lot
of dates since the divorce?

Have you ever heard
of a born-again virgin?

- Really? It's been that long?
- Over a year.

That cannot be healthy.
That's unnatural.

Actually,
it's not that bad.

After a while,
you don't miss it so much.

You gotta be kidding me?
You know what's gonna happen?

The minute you get it again, you're gonna kick
yourself for being out of the game so long.

It's not like I have
a lot of options out there.

The guys in the city, the decent
ones, are few and far between.

What the hell am I,
fucking Doogie Howser?

What is that supposed to mean?
Are you offering your services to me?

I wasn't gonna come right out
and say it, but yeah.

Of course
I'd like to, but--

Hmm. So what
do you suggest?

We go to my place and you help me
with this little problem i've got.

Is that it?

Did I just blow it?
Did I just totally strike out?

No.

Where do you live?

I actually, you know--

I've got a roommate.
Okay, now you're striking out.

Thirty-two years old
and you have a roommate?

It's just temporary, because
my girlfriend kicked me out.

So it's not--

What about you?
Do you live alone?

Yeah.

So what'd you say you did
for a living?

You're a schoolteacher?
- Yeah. I teach sixth grade.

You see, that's weird.

I think when you're a kid you can't
imagine that your sixth-grade teacher...

Is goin' out on dates,
gettin' drunk, taking guys home.

I cannot imagine
my sixth-grade teacher...

Lettin' some guy go down on her... at all.
- Why?

- Why?
- Yeah.

I don't know.
maybe because she was a nun.

All right.

I couldn't go through
with it tonight because--

You know, it's just been
since my husband,

And it was
a little weird, so--

But that's all.
I just wanted to--

That's cool,
that's cool.

It's not like I was looking
for a one-night stand or anything.

We can just take it slow.

I mean, I want
to see you again.

You wanna see me?

- Yeah.
- Good.

You better, because that was a very
expensive restaurant, you know?

Expensive meal.

Yeah. Expensive dessert,
You know?

- But tasty.
- That's right.

So he went down on you
on the first date?

Yeah, I know.
What do you think about that?

Usually that's not
a good sign.

That's what i was thinking, but he went for
it before I knew what was happening.

I felt kind
of slutty, though.

Why?

I mean, it's not like you had
sex with the guy, right?

He went down on me.
How was that not sex?

You sound like Bill Clinton.
How is that not sex?

It's just not sex.
It's not.

I'll tell you
what i did find weird.

Do guys usually put cologne
on their balls?

- Did he have it on his balls or on his underwear?
- His balls.

- Yeah, that's a little weird.
- Yuck!

You wrote a song for
that hot chick at the diner?

- Hot song for a hot chick.
- She said she'd go out with you?

No, not really.

I think she liked me 'cause she
didn't seem to hate me.

Where's she from?
- Iowa.

Iowa?
Where the fuck is Iowa?

Dude, I haven't
the slightest.

You want some advice?
don't play her that song.

- Why not?
- 'cause it's a bubblegum move.

You're gonna embarrass
yourself and the band.

But if you insist,
better make it a duet.

Yeah, but then she falls for you,
and then, you know--

'cause you've got that voice.
- That's what i'm thinkin'.

Hey, Ashley, Sergeant pepper's here again.
He's got a guitar with him.

I really hope he's not gonna
be serenading you in here.

- Ah, he's kinda cute.
- He looks like a freak. What's with that outfit?

- Hi, how's it goin'?
- Hi.

- How you doin'?
- Good. How you doin'?

I'm doin' good.
it's a good day.

- I told you i'd be back. Right?
- Yes.

But you got a--
You have the guitar with you.

Yeah, yeah.
you know what I did?

Last night I went home
and wrote a song for you.

And now I feel like
it's not the right time.

Might not be a good idea.
I'm a little nervous.

Are you gonna sing
or is it just the guitar?

Uh-- you know, if it makes you
uncomfortable, don't.

You don't need to do it now. You could
come back and play it another time.

I could play a little bit
right now probably, for you.

- Whatever you want.
- It's a real pretty song.

- What's it called?
- It's called "a girl like you."

- A girl like me?
- "A girl like you."

yeah, I know.

I mean, was it written
about a girl like me?

Like, is this song
about a girl like me?

I wrote it for you.

Yeah.

- So, okay.
- Okay.

Wait a second. you said you have
a boyfriend already, huh?

- Yeah.
- Yeah. I remember you said that.

- Maybe I shouldn't play this song.
-Yeah.

It might not be right.

It might be like cheating.

Yeah, probably not.

This was weird.
I'll probably--

I'll probably come back
another time, okay?

Oh, no.
You don't have to go.

No, i have to go. I have to go.
ah, I'm stuffed.

But i'll be back without the guitar.
All right?

- Take it easy, you.
- You too.

Bye.

I got beat up a lot
when I was a kid.

So I spent most of my time
in my bathroom...

Learning to play guitar
and masturbating.

And now that I'm divorced,
I basically do the same thing.

♪ Too many ♪

♪ Things I do not
care for ♪

♪ One thing
that i adore ♪

♪ Is a girl like you ♪

♪ I'm always trying ♪

♪ To look you
in the eye ♪

♪ It's okay ♪

♪ A girl like you ♪♪

Griffin?
You don't have to worry.

Nobody's gonna
recognize you here.

I hope you know
I'm taking a big risk...

Taking you out in public,
just--really?

Driving us a half hour out
to Brooklyn Just to eat dinner?

- I think you're pretty risk-free.
- Okay.

We're here to have
a good time, so--

- Come here. You look very pretty.
- Really?

Ashley, how's it goin'?
oh, hi ! good. how are you?

- You remember me?
- Of course. Ben.

From the coffee shop. how's it goin'?
- Good.

What are you doing here?

- I'm having dinner with my grandparents.
- Yeah?

They're from Burrough Park.
They're so cute.

I figured I take 'em out.
I'm sorry. Is this your father?

No, this is my... dentist
Griffin,

Griffin, Ben.
Ben, Griffin.

- Hi. Pleasure.
- Hi.

All right. I was goin' to the bathroom.
- Okay.

- See you later.
- Bye.

I forgot something
at my table.

- You look great. You look really good.
- Thanks. thank you.

All right. Nice meeting you.
I'm sorry.

Bye, Ben.

He's so sweet.
who is he?

He's just this musician guy
I used to know.

- You know him or--
- We went out a couple of times.

Oh, you did go out
with him.

So what happened?
Why didn't it work?

You know, it's really not
very important.

No. I wanna know.

I don't know. uh--

If i tell you, do you promise me
you're not gonna get mad?

Yeah, I promise.

- You promise.
- Yeah, i prom--

- Okay.
- I totally promise.

I couldn't have sex
with him.

I mean, I did have sex with him, but I
couldn't continue having sex with him.

mm-hmm,
mm-hmm.

and now I'm supposed
to ask why, I suppose.

Um, what happened?

- He couldn't get it up or what
- No, no, no.

He was too big.

- Excuse me?
- Too big.

That's nice. That's a charming
bit of dinner conversation.

Could we have the check please?
You said you weren't going to get mad!

I'm not. I just don't feel like sitting here,
talking to you about your old boyfriends...

Who have much bigger cocks than i do.
- Ah, shh.

- Don't be mad.
- Why wouldn't I be mad?

Would you like me to sit here and talk
about my old girlfriends' vaginas?

- You have a very nice-sized one, though.
- A nice size?

That's very nice of you.
Thanks a lot.

But not like big dick Dongo over there.

Could we have that check?
How we doin' with that check?

Was it serious with
that guy or what?

It was just a fling.

- Just a fling?
- Yeah.

It was for fun.
It was strictly physical.

Oh, it was just phys--
That's supposed to make me feel better?

- Why are you doing this? You don't want to know.
- I do want to know.

So, what, he and his big cock
were just for fun? is that--

- There's no reason for you to feel threatened.
- I don't feel threatened.

- Honey, I love you.
- Uh-huh.

- I didn't love him.
- Uh-huh.

Plus, you can't get on my case 'cause
you're gonna go home...

And get in bed
with your wife.

- Do you think he's a better lover than me?
- No.

No, i'm just wondering.

Maybe that could be the problem we've
been having lately. I'm serious.

Maybe you need like a huge cock
to make you happy.

You think that's the problem
we've been having lately?

The problem is that you're married,
and we've been together for, what, six months.

This is the first night you took me out
on a real date. That is the problem!

How much bigger is he than me?
That's all i wanna know.

Get off it,
will you?

- This was nice. please leave it be, okay?
- mm-hmm. sure.

Hi, babe.

Are you here?

- Hi.
- Hi.

- How are you?
- Ooh, flowers! what's the occasion?

I need an occasion
to buy flowers for my wife?

Usually.
Here, I'll put 'em--

- Where were you all night?
- I was at the gym.

I told you I was
gonna go to the gym.

I decided to go for a swim afterwards,
then i ran into--

What's that smell?

- What? What smell?
- I guess it's your new cologne?

Yeah. You don't like it?

No.
It's kind of flowery.

Oh, well--
maybe it's the flowers.

- I'm gonna go to bed.
- What, are you going to bed?

At the gym tonight I was looking
through one of those, um,

You know,
those men's magazines.

And they had an article
in there about penis size.

Now, I know you've only been
with a couple of guys.

So you've told me.

But, um, is mine, uh,

What, like a nice size or--

I don't know.
I've never compared.

Would you describe it
as big or--

I don't know.
maybe.

Is everything all right?

- Yeah.
- Why?

You just seem different
to me lately.

What do you mean, "different"?
what do you mean?

Well, you're not as affectionate
as you used to be.

When we first got together,
you could barely keep your hands off me.

And now,
we barely make love.

And we never just
lay around and cuddle.

I know, honey,
but I'm sorry.

I'm so busy at work,
and I'm just--

After a while, things do slow down.
That's--

But not for everyone, and i don't
want them to slow down for us.

Why should they?
I'm 30 years old.

I'm not ready to not have
passion in my life!

I know, no--i got married 'cause
I wanted to have kids,

And love
and companionship.

And the longer
we're together, the less...

I seem to be getting
these things.

So this is about kids?

No. Yeah,
it is about kids,

But it's really more
about us.

Well, honey, I--
I don't want to say anything,

But compared to most people,
we have a great marriage.

That's what I think.

Oh, god.

- What?
- Why don't you give me any attention anymore?

- Why am I your last priority?
- what are you talking about?

I got you flowers and--

Honey, come on.

Griffin and I have been
happily married for six years.

And I would say that
our sex life is healthy.

You know, it slowed down a little bit,
but we're still passionate.

It's not really the sex
I miss so much as the affection.

Annie described your sex life
as passionate.

Would you say
that was accurate?

No, I would not describe it
as passionate, no. I would not, no.

Look, after a certain
amount of time, things fade.

And anybody who tells you
differently is lying.

If you really think that, then
why don't you say something?

- What should i say?
- I don't know.

I never liked the guy,
so i would say something like,

"I think you're a selfish,
ignorant misogynist.

I know you're having an affair,
and I want a divorce."

Who said anything
about a divorce?

You said he came home smelling
of some other woman's pussy.

Perfume!
I said perfume!

Perfume, pussy, whatever.
whatever. look.

I know when a guy is having an affair,
and that's what the little shit is doing.

You've got a couple of options.

You could divorce
the prick.

You could stay
and live with it,

But that's pathetic.

or you could, um,

Have an affair yourself.

Do you think that Harry
has ever had an affair?

I think that's what
that log cabin shit was about.

Yeah, he wants a place
to take them.

Why do you stay
with him, then?

Or what?
Get another divorce?

No way.
God, too much work.

How can you stay with him
knowing he's had an affair?

I don't know.
because...

I did the same thing.

You did? oh, my god!
when? you did?

- With my gyno.
- Your gynecologist?

Oh, my god! isn't that
illegal or something?

No. Are you kidding me?
It's heaven.

Think about it. If there's one thing
that guy knows about--

What does he do?

What does he do?

Annie's problem is
she's an idealist.

She actually believes
all that shit about...

True love and living
happily ever after.

She really believes
there are good guys out there.

She just has to remember that,
you know, men are like a disease.

And, unfortunately, most of us
have already been infected.

And as far as i can tell,

there's no cure.

- Are you from New York originally?
- Yeah, Queens.

That's not really
New York, is it?

No, that's really New York.
in fact, in my book...

That's the real New York.

Why? Where you from?
The Upper East Side, born and raised.

The Upper East Side?
That's not really New York.

- What does your dad do? A Wall Street guy?
- He's a lawyer.

So what does he have to do
with making this a great city?

We, on the other hand--
the bridge and tunnel crowd,

The outer borough folk--
We're the ones that built this city.

We gave our blood and guts
to this town. like I have--

One of my grandfathers
was a sand hog.

Helped build the Lincoln
and Holland tunnels.

Ended up dying of emphysema
from all the dust.

I got another grandfather who worked
construction on a dozen skyscrapers,

Including
The Empire State Building.

Then he falls to his death
when I'm a kid.

My dad was a cop. got shot
twice while on the job.

My mom's a nurse
at Harlem Hospital,

Still saving lives
every day.

We really gave something
to the city.

Our blood, our guts, our lives.
We're the ones that made it great.

That's a great story,
but I can trace my ancestors back...

To the original dutch settlers
in the 17th century.

and in my book, that's as real
a New Yorker as you can get.

If you grew up in
the outer boroughs,

You have a greater appreciation of New York
than if you grew up in manhattan.

We grew up sort of seeing
the city from a distance...

And feeling the pull of it,
longing for it.

Maybe if you grew up here,
you kind of take it for granted.

Jesus, you weren't kidding.
this is a great space.

I thought you'd like it. Obviously it's a
raw space. You'd have to build it out.

It'll cost you some money. I don't mean to
be rude, but what do you do for a living?

I produce a television show--
Entertainment This Week.

- What do you do there?
- We go around to movie premieres and television shows...

And then we interview all these
asshole celebrities about like...

Who they're fucking and how
much they're getting overpaid.

Then basically try and help them sell
their latest piece of crap product.

- So you really like this job?
- You know what it is?

When I got out of college, I wanted to be
a writer. Thought I'd go into journalism...

Or maybe even be
a novelist.

But the only job I could get
was answering phones at the show.

So here it is, ten years later,
I'm making a pile of dough...

And it's hard to imagine walking
away even though I know, you know,

It'd be the best thing
for me.

Sounds like my marriage.

So are you writing
anything now?

No. You know, every time
I try and get started...

Something comes up from work
and I just get distracted.

Well, maybe one day I'll be in barnes and noble
and I'll see one of your books...

And I'll pick it up.

That'd be nice.

So anyway, there's this view over
here I really want you to see.

So I'm beginning to think you're
not really looking for an apartment.

What do you think? You think I'm just
using this as an excuse to flirt with you?

- Are you flirting with me?
- I was hoping it was obvious,

But I guess I'm not doing
that good a job.

You did say you were married I think, right?
- Yeah.

Well, that sucks. I shouldn't be
flirting with you if you're married.

- No, you shouldn't. Yeah.
- So--

Well, I should get going.
I gotta get back to the office.

But if I see anything,
I'll call you.

Yeah, no-- 'cause you know--
all right.

- Okay, bye.
- Call me, though.

So I am going out with the guy
from the video store again tonight.

Oh, second date.
pressure's on.

So, you gonna have
sex with him?

I don't know. what?
do you think I should?

I definitely think you should.
But this time, give him a little advice.

No more cologne
on the balls.

Come on.
It wasn't that bad.

No, it was disgusting.

How many sexual partners
have you had in your life?

Not entirely enough.

But I'm working on it. right now,
that's what I'm working on.

I think it's... Seven.

Eight. Is that bad?

I'm 19. that sounds
really bad.

What, are you kidding me?
I'm a 39-year-old man.

Wow can I possibly remember?
I don't know.

A hundred?
Two hundred and 50?

I don't know.
I mean, you know.

That's the great thing about New York.
You walk down the street,

And you encounter like a thousand
potential sexual partners every day.

A walk to the deli
can be very erotic.

I know it sounds pathetic,
but I've had three.

I got married early.
I was 22 years old.

But, you know, one of them
was-- is my husband.

Not too many. I don't know.
like nine or ten.

I was always one of those guys that's kind
of been in a series of long-term relationships.

So, uh, I never really had the
opportunity to put up the big numbers.

Seventeen. But, you know, there was
no one-night stands or anything.

I just dated a lot.
so--

Oh, Jesus.

- That's the greeting I get now?
- If I find you outside my door, yes. What are you doing here?

- It's not like I'm stalking you or something.
- Yes, it is.

I can't find my keys.
I gave you a spare set.

I thought for emergencies
like this--

Okay. Hold on, I'll get them.
I should have seen that coming a mile away.

Aren't you going to introduce
me to your new friend here?

Tommy, this is my ex-husband, Benjamin. Ben, this is Tommy.
- How you doing, man?

I'm doing good.
I'm good.

That's a nice jacket.
- Thanks.

Can I talk to you for a second in private?
- No.

Maria, this is very important. we have some talking to do.
- No.

You must have me confused with someone who
thinks they have to explain themselves to you.

Look, pal, will you give us a second here in private?
She'll be right back.

No, Benjamin, No. if you want to
talk to me, we can do it out here.

Otherwise, I'll go get your keys
and you can call me in the morning.

I'll wait out here.

Tommy, would you like
to come inside?

No, I'll wait out here
with my, uh-- my pal.

Get to know him.
- Fine.

So, uh, where are you, uh--
where are you located?

I'll call you tomorrow.

You're welcome, Benjamin.
- Thanks.

I'm so sorry.

Look, you don't have any diseases
that I should know about, right?

No. why? you got any diseases
I should know about?

- No.
- Are you sure?

I swear.
are you sure?

Yeah, I'm sure.
I just had a test.

Well, that's good.

You know, you really should have
thought to bring a condom, though.

Look, I'm sorry.
I just--

It was only the second date.
I didn't honestly think we'd get this far.

Yeah, well--

I'm really sorry to have to hurry you like this
this morning but i've got to get to work.

What do you mean you got to get to work?
I thought you said you were a schoolteacher.

- Yeah, so?
- Well, today's Sunday, right?

Yeah, well--

I'm taking the class
on a school trip,

And we're going
to the zoo, so--huh.

Why don't you take this one and
i'll wait for the next one?

No, no, no. I can't do that. you said
you gotta get to work, right? so--

- Don't worry about it.
- Come on. You got the kids waiting, right?

- I'll get the next one.
- All right. I'll see you around.

With Maria, you know, quite honestly,
I don't know what happened.

Went out a couple times.
I thought we had a good time. I mean--

Obviously, we must've.
We had sex the second time we went out.

I think I just got a little freaked out
sleeping with another guy.

It's not like I didn't like him. It's just
that i hadn't slept with anyone since Benjamin.

It just got me
a little scared.

After that, she tried to
kick me out of the house.

I called her a bunch of times. she never called
me back. I got the hint and stopped calling.

How did you feel when you
saw Maria and Tommy together?

Who, my pal? My pal Tommy.
Yeah. It's terrible.

She'd let a guy like that into her home.
That's the apartment I shared with her.

To think that that guy was showering under
the shower head that i installed...

Makes me very angry.

You actually pay attention to your horoscope?
- I read it every day.

- It's actually pretty accurate.
- Accurate? In what way?

It keys me into what
to watch out for in life.

Why I may be feeling a particular
way on a certain day.

What did today's tell you?
let's see what it says.

All right. It says--
Yeah, right.

"You have had your fill of
certain people. Make a clean break.

"There are, however,
changes in the air.

A person in uniform could deliver the
key to your love life and happiness."

Get the fuck out of here.
it says that?

- Yeah.
- Oh, that's me!

That is me. that's me.
I am the man in the uniform...

That can deliver the key to
your love life and happiness.

I wear a uniform.

Unless it's your mailman. what kind
of relationship do you have with him?

Her. So you don't
have to worry.

You know what? No, no, no. you said you
don't buy into the whole astrology thing.

So therefore, this does not apply to us.
- I never said that--

- Oh, yes, you did.
- I never said that I didn't buy into astrology.

I said I was a little suspect of it.
What is this, the daily news?

- Yeah.
- I'm sure it's a very accurate reading.

It's good stuff. What does it say?
that you should make a "clean break."

see that?
What do you think about that part of it?

Like I said,
it helps me make decisions.

How did you end up with this
guy that you're with anyway?

The man is married. he's a dentist, right?
- Right.

He's also a hundred years old, so he's
got three major strikes against him.

In my eyes, three strikes, you're out.
You know what i mean?

Yeah, I know what you mean.

It was just really simple. I was just
sitting in the park one day by school.

- He came up to me and he hit on me.
- Are you a model?

If I were a model, why would I be
sitting here studying right now?

That's very funny. well, you should be if
you're not because you're very beautiful.

You have a very different look.
You're not a classic beauty.

I think you have the look
of the new millennium.

- "the look of the new millennium"?
- Yeah, yeah.

- You are kidding, right?
- No, i'm not kidding. I'm serious.

- Yeah?
- Yeah, I think you do. look.

Look at your nose.
You have a beautiful nose.

- I had it fixed when i was 13.
- Really?

They did a great job-- a great job.
- Thanks.

Wonderful.
I'm Griffin, by the way.

- Ashley.
- Nice to meet you, Ashley. beautiful name.

So what do you say?
Will you let me take you out sometime or--

Are you married?
Married? Why do you say that?

Where do you get that from
that I'm married?

- Because you have a ring on your finger. Isn't that a ring?
- Technically, I'm married.

I'm not really married.
No. Oh.

We have an understanding.

So is this understanding between you
and your wife or you and your dick?

That's very funny.
That's very funny.

The man is, what,
39 years old?

How old are you?
- Nineteen.

When you were in fifth grade,
he was 32.

Or like when he was my age, you were just being born
- Yeah, i know.

Or like when, let's say--

I get the point. you have to admit,
as you get older, the age gap does shorten.

Maybe if you were 60 and he was 80,
it wouldn't seem so weird.

But, honestly, I thought he was your father.
I bet a lot of people think that.

You know, we don't really go out
a whole lot in public.

But you'd be surprised. Most young
girls do wanna go for older guys...

Because most young guys, they just
wanna screw as many girls as possible.

They don't want a commitment.
They just want a lot of conquests.

Here you go.

what kind of commitment
does a married guy give you?

So what would I
be to you?

What, just another notch
on your belt?

Ashley, are you--
are you kidding me?

Are you crazy?
do you know that I would marry you?

I would marry you today
if you say yes to me. I swear.

No. Come on. Let me take you
out on a date. great time.

I'm the man in the uniform,
you know.

What do you say,
please?

Yeah, really?
- Okay.

Why are you wearing
handcuffs?

Crazy girl, bad breath,
no sex and she lost the key.

That's not good. No. No, that's not good.
That's not good at all.

What about you? You still chasing after that
waitress who is so way beyond your league?

As a matter of fact, I have
a date with her this weekend.

That's great. No, I'm happy for you.
Douche bag.

♪ Crazy girl bad breath, no sex ♪
- Don't.

♪ And she lost the key ♪
- Don't push my buttons. I'm really right here.

I don't know if he has a problem,
but i gotta tell you, after his divorce,

He was like fucked up
in the head, you know.

Like he wanted to screw everything
that wasn't nailed down.

But that's not Ben.

Ben, really, he wants to be
in a monogamous relationship.

I hope it works out
with that waitress.

This is very upsetting.

These are some classic albums you're rejecting.
What are you doing?

How do you not know these albums?
These are records that shaped rock and roll.

Shaped the world we live in.
- I don't listen to this kind of music. This is your kind.

These guys, they're dead. They're all dead.
They were dead before I was even born.

Morrison and Hendrix, yeah. But like
The Rolling Stones, like only one guy died.

Really early on in The Rolling Stones.
They replaced him and they were still great.

I think that the most mandatory album, if we're
gonna start a record collection for you,

is Exile On Main Street.

This is a no-brainer.
- Okay.

And-and, like-- we're gonna have
to get some Zeppelin for you...

Because otherwise--

Zeppelin I. this is
possibly the greatest--

No, it is possibly the greatest
debut album of all time.

Except of course
Greetings From Asbury Park.

You have to have this. okay?
- New Jersey.

You're good. you're set. you're so good now.
Okay, I--

Are you sure I'm gonna like these?
There's like 80 zillion records in here.

I am positive. Honestly, if you
don't like these, you have problems.

We're gonna have problems here.
If you can't see the beauty and like the poetry...

And the majesty and...
Like the brilliance of these albums,

Then I don't know--
I don't know what's wrong with you.

You have a deficiency in your soul or something.
No, I'm only kidding.

Can I be honest with you?
- I hope you're always honest with me.

I am. I am, totally.
But I think that this is really important.

I think you're the most beautiful woman
I've ever known.

You're kind.
You're so sweet.

I don't know. I think I'm falling in love with you.
- Benny, you're sweet.

- Sweet, sweet, sweet. You are.
- I'm sweet.

- I'm not really that sweet. I'm really a savage.
- Oh, really?

I'm a fucking wild man. You just have
to let me show you that side of myself.

No, no, no. I like the sweet side.
I know enough savages already.

Yeah. Yeah, but I'm a savage
with a very sweet side.

Yeah?

Plus, I'm the man in the uniform.
all right?

Yeah.

I told you that I would
make more time for you.

I took you out to dinner, didn't I?
- It's not that.

It's just that
I'm not happy anymore.

What do you want me to do?
I-I-I cannot get a divorce.

I don't want you
to do anything.

I just don't want to be with you anymore.
- Did you meet somebody else?

No. Come on. Who is it?
Who's the guy?

What'd you meet, some other guy
with a big cock or something?

- Nobody you'd know.
- Oh, so there is somebody else. What is he?

Some little kid that you go
walking in the park with.

You hold his hand
and go to the movies with...

And then you hold his huge cock in
the movie, is that what happens?

Griffin, I really don't think
you're in a position to tell people...

What they can and can't do or who
they can and can't be with, okay?

My position is a little
different, all right?

I just can't stop
seeing my wife.

You're gonna regret this.
- Maybe?

But i doubt it.

Everything all right,
Griff?

What do you think?
That little girl is driving me crazy.

Why do you keep
doing this to yourself?

How many girls do you have to screw
before you realize you can get laid?

That's great. I don't think the
patient in the back room heard you.

What was that?
- Nothing.

Doctor? Doctor.
- I'll be right there, Mrs. Bass.

Do me a favor, Carol.

Send one dozen flowers to the Washington
Square street address with a note...

That says,
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. What can I do?"

Okay?
- Where's my flowers?

- Your flowers?
- Yeah.

Don't start with me.
Please don't.

Please. With you and then
Sigmund Freud over there--

- Doctor.
- I'm coming, Mrs. Bass.

I'm ready for that
extraction now.

Wait a second.
What's wrong?

Okay. Nothing. Just move down.
Move down a little lower.

There you go.
Is that it? Yes.

No, you're not going in there.
I'm not trying to go in there.

I could use a compass,
though.

It's weird. I've never made
love with a virgin before.

You're real cute. Seriously, let me enter
because i'm about to splooge as it is.

Who the fuck is that? You gotta be kidding me?
- Should i get it?

- No.
- I'm gonna get it.

- Don't go get the door. Who in the fuck is this?
- Could be important.

- Go away!
- I wanna talk to you, Ash.

- I don't wanna talk to you.
- well, too fucking bad about you. Let me in. Come on.

No. I'm busy.
Get the fuck out.

What do you mean you're busy? What do you mean?
You got that little queer boyfriend there?

Griffin, get the fuck
away from the door!

You don't understand.
I'm going to leave my wife.

- Can I tell you, Griffin, that I don't care?
- What do you mean?

- I don't care.
- You don't care?

You break up my marriage and you tell me
you don't care? Open the fucking door!

- Open this fucking door!
- I'm not opening the door!

Open the fucking door right now!
who the fuck is in there with you?

Griffin, get away from the fucking door!
- this is what you do?

This is what you want? After everything I've
done for you, this is how you treat me?

That's nice.

Christ.

This building is like
Sodom and Gomorrah tonight.

You girls need a hand
over there?

Fuck off, scumbag.

Nice, nice.

Where have you been all night?
- I was at the gym.

- Oh, again?
- Yeah, yeah.

- Griffin, I have to talk to you.
- What, honey?

Um, okay, this is hard for me to say because
I'm afraid of what the answer might be,

But I just can't live my life feeling
the way i'm feeling and not saying it.

- Okay.
- Are you having an affair?

what? am I having
an affair?

What-- Why would you
say such a thing?

How can I not ask you? you're not
available emotionally anymore.

You come home late some nights
and you immediately take a shower.

We barely make love. you never
talk about having kids.

You came home that one night,
you smelled like perfume.

Sometimes I hear you having late-night
phone conversations whispering.

Okay.
All right.

I can understand from where you're sitting
that it would seem like that.

But I have a good excuse for
every single thing you said.

Number one: Lance is working
my ass off at work.

So when I come home,
I'm just tired.

And when i come home late, I come
directly from the gym and I shower here...

Because you know I don't like
to shower in front of other men.

As far as the perfume goes,
I don't know what you're talking about.

I told you it was my cologne. If you don't
want me to wear it, I'll get rid of it.

I'll never wear it again.
And as far as the phone call goes,

I was probably talking to a friend of mine--
probably Harry about his goddamn sex life,

And I didn't wanna
wake you up.

Why after six years of marriage are you suddenly
so concerned about the size of your penis?

Because I read that article.
I told you about the article I read...

In the magazine--
the men's magazine.

The average size of the penis is,
you know--

Are you fucking someone else? That's what i'm wondering.
- Stop with that question!

You're feeling is it big enough? 'cause
you never worried about that with me.

- I'm worried about it with you.
- You don't seem worried.

- well, i am worried! if you were worried,
then you'd come home right after work,

- I'm going to the gym.
- Not three hours later and leave me sitting alone.

- I'm doing penis exercises. I'm joking.
- That's really funny.

So you think everything
seems normal?

I'm not saying everything seems normal.
It seems like it is what i just told you.

Which is mostly I'm tired.

I won't go to the gym anymore.
I just won't.

Forget it. I'll just
come right home.

That's an indulgence that I give myself
because it makes me feel better.

If you don't want me to do it, I won't do it.
It's fine. Forget about it.

I'll wake up at 4:00 in the morning and exercise.
- So are you happy?

Am I happy?
I'm exhausted.

I'm exhausted, but other
than that, I'm happy.

- You're really happy?
- I'm not saying I'm really happy.

But i'm saying
that i'm tired, you know.

I'm tired too.

Is it love or sex that makes us
o confused in our relationships?

Well, I think that it's sex
because, you know,

love is either there
or it's not.

And i think sex
can be tricky sometimes.

Is it love or sex that fucks us up?
both.

maybe it's the love
of sex that fucks us up.

- i don't know.
- i don't know. I'm not screwed up.

I think people have a problem mixing up
the two together and mistaking one for the other.

- I don't have that problem.
- I don't know, you know.

I'm catholic,
so probably sex.

Hey, you. What are you doin' here?
- Hi.

How you doin'?
Eh. How are you?

I'm good, I'm good.

What do you got there?
- I heard it was good.

It's great.
He's a terrific writer.

Is everything all right?
You seem kind of a little down.

No. No, I just have
a lot on my mind.

- Can i ask you a personal question?
- Yeah, sure.

- You've had a long-term girlfriend, right?
- Yeah.

Did you ever cheat on her?

Um, no.
Not really.

What do you mean "not really"?
either you did or you didn't, right?

well, define--
define "cheating."

Having sex with someone
other than your girlfriend.

You mean sex,
like in penetration?

So you may have kissed somebody, but you didn't
actually have sex with them, or intercourse?

Uh, no, we definitely
did not have, um, intercourse.

But we did kiss, so--

Well, in my book,
that is cheating.

Look, in my book too.
I'm sorry it ever happened, but--

Why did you do it? Were you
not attracted to her anymore?

No. I don't think people cheat because
they're not attracted to somebody anymore.

You cheat because you're not in love anymore.
That's why you cheat.

I think my husband
is having an affair.

Jesus.

Why do you think that?

- Little things.
- Little things like what?

coming home late.
a suspicious weekend meeting
out of town.

Late-night phone calls
where i hear him whispering.

One time he came home, he smelled like perfume.
He said it was his new cologne.

And what, you only think
he's having an affair?

I confronted him, and he denied it.
But he can be very convincing.

- So are you even happy with this guy?
- No.

Then why stay with him?

Even if he wasn't cheating on you,
why stay in an unhappy marriage?

Um, I guess, you know, my parents
got a divorce when i was a kid.

And I never forgave them for not
trying harder to stay together.

I just didn't wanna be like them.
I didn't wanna be that kind of person.

I think you gotta
give yourself a break.

It's not your fault
your husband's a scumbag.

I'm sorry to say that,
but if he's cheating on you, he is.

I'm sure there's thousands of guys who
would be dying to go out with you.

If you divorce this prick,
you call me that day.

I'll jump on a plane no matter
where I am in the country.

I'll fly back here.
I'll take you out that night.

So you think I should go from an
unfaithful husband to a guy who thinks...

That kissing a girl other than his
girlfriend is not considered cheating?

It's not like I'm sitting here defending those actions.
I know that was a scumbag thing to do.

- Would you do it again?
- I know I wouldn't.

'cause i felt lousy when it happened.
I was just being honest with you.

Well, you know, in my book, even
talking like this is inappropriate.

So, I should get going.

- All right, I understand.
- thank you for listening, though.

I'll see you, you know, next time
we get an apartment to look at.

Bye.

Sometimes I think
I'm really a priss.

My friends, they don't think
cheating is such a big deal.

Maybe I'm too uptight
in my views. But then,

I think these people would not be that
deceitful to one of their friends.

People cheat 'cause
they're afraid.

The world is run by fear,
my friend. -Fear.

Everybody out here, they're afraid.
That guy's afraid. You're afraid.

I'm gonna tell you something
that my dad told me...

After I got divorced from my first wife,
who was absolutely gorgeous.

He said, "show me a good-looking woman, and i'll
show you a guy who's tired of fucking her."

Men and women are very different
when it comes to sex.

Uh, men seem to think that it's an
impossibility to be with one person.

Probably because they're pigs.

So this is a married girl you're talking about?
- Yeah, yeah.

- Why would you even fool around with something like that?
- I don't know.

- 'cause i got a good feeling about it.
- Oh, you got a good feeling.

Oh, boy, oh, boy. I get a good feeling
about almost every girl i see.

It's different. There's something
kind of sad about her.

- It's like this wounded bird you wanna take care of.
- Really, is that right?

Well, excuse me, but who the hell
are you to be taking care of anybody?

If I'm not mistaken, you're the guy
that's still living in my apartment...

And you're in no position
to take care of somebody.

Tommy, you're not a savior, okay? and I'm sure
this chick don't need or want your saving.

But it's like--
look, I mean, it's not like I was hitting on her.

I don't know. I was talking to her.
It felt good. so, what, I just--

I want you to trust me on something.
I'm gonna speak from experience here.

I am as big a dog as there is, okay?

But it is not a good idea to
fool around with married women.

It's bad karma, kid.

What about that girl,
uh, Maria?

- Maria, the schoolteacher?
- Yeah.

I took her on a couple of dates. She never
called me back. Totally gave me the brush.

Tommy, let me explain something to you, okay?
I wanna speak to you like a son.

Chicks don't brush guys off.

Guys brush chicks off, okay?
That's just the way it is.

- Wow. Hi.
- How you been?

How have you been?
You know, I've been better.

And i called you a couple of times.
I never heard back from you.

- I've been meaning to call you back.
- Yeah?

What, you just never
got around to it?

Um--don't-- seriously, don't
sweat it at all. It's cool.

No, but i really--
I really--

I wanted to apologize.
I'm sorry.

Really, it's--
you know. It's cool.

I get it, you know.
I'll, uh--

I'll see you around.

Look, did I-- did I
screw it up somehow?

I thought we had a good time that night.
And then in the morning...

You're like rushing off saying you had
to go to the zoo or something.

What happened?

Nothing. I just
- did we not have a good time?

No, I had a great time. It has nothing
to do with you. It was not your fault.

I got a little freaked out.
I'd really like it if you called me again.

Are you sure? I mean..
- Yeah.

It's not just 'cause
you ran into me?

I won't get the machine?
No.

Unless I'm not home.

Can't promise
I'll be home.

Look, really,
I just-- I'm--

all right.

I'll call then.
I'll call you next week.

But, you know, you better-
- I will.

- Don't play with me, you know.
- I won't.

So?

I don't know. I think maybe
I should get a second opinion.

Well, Maria, I've got some good
news and some more good news.

What would you like to hear first?
- Guess I'll pick the good news.

- Your aids test is negative.
- That is good news.

And the other good news?
- You're pregnant.

What the fuck are you
doing here, Griffin?

I just want you to know
that i want to be with you,

And I'm willing to leave
Annie if that's what it takes.

I don't want to break
up your marriage, okay?

What do you mean?
That's what I thought you wanted.

You thought that
I wanted that?

I never fucking wanted that!
I just wanted to see you.

Only reason you're outside of my apartment
and you're here telling me this now...

Is because you can't have me.
- No, that's not true.

- Yeah, it is.
- I am here because I love you-- because I love you.

- Come here.
- Get the fuck off of me.

Will you at least
think about it?

Will you at least
think about it?

It's Maria. please leave a
message and I'll call you back.

Hey, Maria, how you doing? It's Tommy.
I know I called you a couple of times already.

Figured I'd try one more time. I thought at
the video store you wanted to get together,

but, uh, maybe
I was mistaken.

So, look, all right.
um, 'll be good...

and I'll see you
around... whenever.

All right, take it easy.

You're so sweet.
I love you so much.

Excuse me.
Are these yours?

- Those?
- Yeah, these disgusting things with the spots on it.

Who are-- are you
the proud owner of these?

Yes and no.
they--

They were Griffin's.
I'm gonna vomit.

- Are you kidding?
- No, I'm not kidding.

I think if this relationship
has any chance of surviving,

We should consider
burning these immediately.

What's wrong?
- Nothing.

Listen, sweetie, if there's something
wrong, you should talk to me.

Nothing's wrong. I already told you.
Don't worry about it. All right? Come on.

You don't think I can tell?
I told you, it's nothing.

It's not nothing. Just talk to me,
okay? We talked fine before.

Can we have silence
for a little while?

- We've had silence for the past fuckin' ten minutes!
- Why do we have to talk?

I don't know
what's wrong with me!

- Why are you crying? Calm down first of all.
- I don't wanna calm down.

Just talk to me.
come on. I can understand.

Benny, I just need a little
bit of space right now, okay?

What do you mean, "space"?

It's all of this. It's just too much too quickly,
and I don't know how to deal with it.

You breaking up with me?
Is that it?

What are you doing to me? One second you
like me and the next second you don't.

- I'm sorry, Benny.
- You can't play games with people like this.

What is it? it's this dentist.
You wanna go back to him. You're fucking--

He's your man, right?
I'm sorry I stepped in between.

You should have told me
that a long time ago.

- Give me the bag, please.
- You're being so stupid. You're being so stupid.

- Benny, please give me the bag.
- Don't you see how great this is? Here. Take the bag.

Don't you see how great this is? where you running?
- Yes!

Don't run away from me.
Ashley.

Sweetie.

You don't wanna talk to me now?
You're gonna run home?

- Benny, please go home, okay?
- I'm going home.

I don't know what I'm doing wrong.
I'm a nice jewish kid from Brooklyn.

These kind of things shouldn't be happening to me.
It shouldn't be this hard for me.

But, uh, that's life.

One second we're having such a
good time. We're falling in love.

Then the next second, out of the blue,
she drops this shit on me.

I feel like I should just forget about
women, stay home and play with myself.

You told her you loved her?
- Yeah. So?

So? So, what are you,
a fucking retard?

Jesus, that's why
she dumped your sorry ass.

She was just looking to fuck and you gotta
throw the "love" at her. Screw the whole thing up.

- I'm not a retard, all right?
- Whatever.

And I do love her, man.
I love her, man.

You know what? When you gonna start thinking
rock star and acting rock star?

Hold on.
- What?

- Let's just take it slow, okay?
- I want you.

- Don't you wanna talk?
Let's talk.

No. Yeah, I mean--
But I only have an hour for lunch, so--

But we can talk--

- What?
- You don't love me, Griff.

- Yes, I do.
- No, you don't.

- What are you talking about?
- You don't love anybody.

- What do you mean, I don't?
- You use people.

You used me.
You used your wife.

- What do you mean, I "use people"?
- You use everybody.

You know what? that's the way the world works.
People use each other, okay?

They take from each other
what they need to make them happy.

You use me to make you happy.
I use you to make me happy.

Sometimes you've gotta
give back a little bit.

I don't give back at all?
- I'm not saying--

I told you that I love you.
I told you that I'd leave my wife for you.

I sent you flowers last week.
what are you talking about? - I remember.

- What are you doing? Come here.
- I gotta go.

- What do you mean?
- This is the same old shit and i'm sick of it.

You're sick of what?
What exactly are you sick of?

Why is it the same old shit?
I told you things were gonna change.

What are you talking about? Is this
about what's his name, your new boyfriend?

- His name is Ben.
- Okay, Ben. Well, is this-- Fuck Ben!

- Fuck you!
- And fuck you too!

Wait a minute.
Come here.

Unbelievable.

Hillary and I have something
we'd like to say to both of you.

Firstly, we would like to apologize for
the way we've behaved the past months.

Yeah. You both know our
relationship has been a mess,

And that we've each
screwed up pretty badly.

And... I know you know
what I'm talking about.

But we've decided to, you know,
go to therapy and save our marriage.

And everything's better,
much better now.

We're working on my void.

Yeah, yeah. Harry's gonna sell
the property upstate...

And the logs and the power tools.

And Hillary's getting a new gynecologist--
One she promises not to fornicate with.

And that's about it.
How are you guys doing?

Oh, you know,
we're doing good.

Right? I mean--

So what do you think about that?
About what?

About doing what Harry and Hillary did--
going to a marriage counselor?

You think I'm a fucking moron?
How long have you been cheating on me?

Wait. Honey, wait.
look, I love you--

No, you don't love me, because love means
respecting someone and caring about them!

It doesn't mean sneaking around and fucking some slut!
- wait a minute--

Shut up, okay? I want someone who's gonna
love me and when I look in their eyes...

I can see they think I'm great and
who'll make me feel beautiful...

And who will wanna hold me when they get
home from work the way you used to.

But not now when you think that I'm a nuisance
if I want to make love or even talk.

I'm fucking tired of it. I know you're
having an affair or affairs or whatever!

But it's over
and I want a divorce.

Wait a minute.
Wait.

And to answer your question,
no, I would not describe it as big.

I didn't even know I was gonna
do it, but I went with it.

I just said what the hell, and I said it and
I've never felt so good in my entire life.

I didn't even know what I was gonna do,
but I just felt relief,

Like this huge weight was lifted off my shoulders--
I felt so good.

You're looking for Tommy?
Sure, come on in. - Yeah.

- Is he here?
- Well, you see,

Tommy did live here, but
he doesn't live here anymore.

He moved out about a week ago.
you must be Maria.

Yeah. Yeah.
You, um-- you must be--

The man who taught him
everything he knows.

Um, I kind of have something really important
to tell him. Do you have his new address?

Yeah, sure, I do have
his new address.

But, uh, can I
offer you a drink?

No, thank you.
I really-- I--

Does he live around here?

You hungry or want to listen to
some Montovani or something like that?

No, thank you.
The address would be fine.

Okay, all right.
I'll give you his address.

But, uh, if it doesn't
work out with the kid,

Well, you know
where to find me.

You just have to ask
yourself one simple question:

Do you want to sit up
on the porch with the pup...

Or do you wanna run in the yard
with the big dog?

The address, please.
That would be great.

You got it.

- Carpo.
- you got it.

Carpo.

Hi.
What are you doing here?

Um, I got your address
from Carpo.

I wanted to
tell you something.

Regarding what?

Us, I guess.

Look, I gotta be
honest with you.

I mean, I can't say that
I'm really so interested anymore.

You know. I mean,
it's just--

After I saw you at the video store
and you asked me to call you,

I called you a bunch of times and
I never heard back from you... again.

Yeah, I wanted to--

I don't know,
apologize for that.

I'm sorry for not calling you back.
Look, I'm sorry too.

So, what is so important that
you needed to talk to me?

I-I-- wow.

I just-- I wanted to
tell you that I'm leaving.

Um, I got this
out-of-town job teaching.

It's great.

so, I'm-I'm-I'm leaving.
I'm moving.

That's it.

I don't know
what to say.

I guess,
good luck.

Yeah.

- Thank you.
- I'll see you around.

Yeah.or...
maybe not, right?

- Okay.
- Good luck.

oh.

Tommy, um,

I just realized I don't
even know your last name, so--

- It's Reilly. what about you?
- Reilly.

Um, Tedesco.

We probably should have gotten that
out of the way a little earlier, huh?

Yeah.

- Good luck.
- Yeah, you too.

take care.

So why didn't you tell Tommy you
were pregnant with his baby?

I showed up at his door.
I was gonna ring the buzzer...

And go up there and,
you know, tell him.

Then i realized that
I didn't know his last name.

I didn't know
what buzzer to press.

Reality is that we were supposed
to have a one-night stand.

It went a little awry. I got pregnant.
But that doesn't mean that...

We should be together.

I gotta admit, it was weird when she
showed up at my apartment to tell me...

She was moving out of town.

I don't know
what that was about.

What's with you?
- what's with you?

I'm tired of looking
at your sour puss.

What's my horoscope
say for today?

"Today would be a good day to get up off
your ass and admit you're a coward...

And make up with the special someone
who will make you very happy."

- Does it really say that?
- Does it matter?

- Hi.
- What are you doing here?

- Do you hate me?
- No. No, just the opposite.

- Do you hate me?
- No, i don't hate you.

- Do you-- Do you love me?
- Yes.

- 'cause every night I'm crying. I can't eat.
- I'm sorry.

No.
You gotta eat.

I love you,
you know that?

You know, you paid
for an hour.

Is there anything else
you want me to do?

Yeah. Would you mind
doing the dishes?

- Fuck you.
- No, wait. I'm only kidding. Come here.

I'm only kidding.

You wanna stay and talk
for a little bit or--

No.
It's okay.

Just call him up
and ask him out.

Maybe I should just wait until
I show him an apartment.

Why would you wait?
What's his number?

- I'm not gonna call him now.
- Oh, yes, you are. What's his number?

You are not gonna
call him.

Give me the number.

- If you really want me to call him, I'll call him.
- Do it.

Thomas Reilly.

- Hi, it's Annie.
- Annie, Um--

- Annie who?
- Annie Matthews from the real estate office.

- Oh, yeah. Hey, how you doing?
- Good. How are you?

I'm good. Look, I meant
to call you last week.

Because I found an apartment
through a buddy of mine.

So i'm not gonna need
to look at anymore spaces.

Oh, okay.

Well, uh, you know,
what's up?

Well, I was just wondering--

I have this really great apartment
that I really wanted to show you.

But if you already found a place, that's okay.
I'll talk to you soon.

What the hell was that?

I just didn't feel
right about it.

You're such a wimp.
I'm gonna call him.

No, don't call him!
I'll call him later, I promise.

Thomas Reilly.

It's Annie again.
the real reason I was calling is, um,

I wanted to know if you would, like,
go to dinner with me on Saturday night?

What, uh-- what happened
with your husband?

Are you still with him?
- No.

He was an asshole.
and he has a small dick.

um--

All right. Well,
in that case, yeah.

- I'd love to go out to dinner.
- Okay, great.

I'll call you Friday. gotta go.
Call him Friday. The date's on Saturday.

Yeah!

After you get divorced,
it's like you never think...

You'll fall in love again.

You never think you'll find
this kind of love.

Now, I look back on
my relationship with Griffin,

And now i realize that definitely that
I was in a bad place at the time.

Very bad.
Very bad.

But if I didn't go through that,
I might not be ready for this.

There are no wrong choices. As long as
you have the faith to make a choice,

Then it's gotta be right, you know,
no matter where it leads you.

I chose wisely, I think.
- I think so too.

- Is that all you need? Is that good?
- Is that okay?

Well, after i got over
the initial shock,

I knew I wanted this baby.

Everyone was telling me I shouldn't do it,
but i'm tired of listening to everyone else.

I did the marriage thing.
I'm not gonna wait around for someone.

I already have someone.

So, it wasn't much
of a decision.

What? what else
do you wanna know?

Huh? Is there anything
else you wanna know?

What I don't like about love or sex again?
Is that what you wanna know? Forget it.

I never thought I'd be the kind
of person to get divorced.

I grew up with these ideas of love
everlasting, but i guess these things happen.

And I just feel--
I feel excited about...

Getting on with
the rest of my life.

I feel hopeful.
I feel relieved-- very relieved.

I was really sick of him, really.
No, I'm just--

I don't know.

I don't think anybody has any
of the answers to any of this.

I mean, sex and love,
it's all so complex.

If we had answers, all of us would be in
these great, solid, happy relationships.

But so few of us are.

We're all searchin' for that thing and we
have so much trouble findin' it,

But, who knows, maybe that's part of
the fun of the whole thing.