Original subtitles

You got to admit, my studio throws one hell of a party, huh?

Ellen, stop gawking at celebrities.

I'm not. I'm looking for food.

Oh, my God. There's Paul Newman.

Distract him. I'll frisk him for salad dressing.

Hang on. They're going to bring hors d 'oeuvres around.

You said there was going to be buffet. I didn't have dinner.

Did I eat lunch?

See, that part of my brain that would remember is starved to death.

I'm going to go mingle. I'm going to hunt and gather.

Bloody Mary?

Oh, yes, thank you very much.

Uh, can I get you anything else?

Do you have any drinks that come with french fries?

Hi, um, excuse me. A movie star was looking for this actually earlier. Some,

George Clooney or, uh, Teddy Roosevelt. Somebody famous. Can I take this?

I'll, uh, I'll bring it back to you. I'll, I'll, I promise I'll bring it

Thank you.

Oh, thank God. I'm famished.

Oh, my God, you're Emma Thompson.

What are you doing hiding back here?

Oh, isn't this the bathroom?

Oh, thank God you arrived just in time.

Emma, I've got to go and catch my flight.

Darling, ring me when you get back, and can you put a call through to... I'm so

sorry. Would you mind excusing us just for two seconds?

Of course. I'm so sorry. Yes.

Okay. When you get back to England, will you look up Richard Dawson and tell him

I say hello?

Are you finished with that tray?

Oh, the tray. That's right.

Here you go.

I shouldn't have drank so much last night.

Please tell me I didn't do anything stupid.

If getting up on a table and singing Muskrat Love is stupid, I don't want to

smart.

I can't believe I found out that Emma Thompson is gay.

So what? Half this town is gay and the other half pretend they are to kiss up

David Geffen.

Yeah, but now me and this amazing actress have something in common.

She's my new role model.

I can finally take down that picture of Hazel.

I gotta go. I gotta hire Emma an assistant for the next couple weeks

making this movie.

You get to hire Emma's assistant?

Yes, and there's gotta be someone great so that she'll be happy, and then this

movie she's making for us will be a big hit, and I'll get a big fat promotion,

even though I never read the script.

You know who would be great?

Who? Me.

No, really, who?

Hey, Trillian, anybody you hire is gonna be some slimy Hollywood type flying

their way to the top, right?

Right. And they would stop at nothing, including stabbing you in the back to

there.

That is how I got my job.

Trust me, Paige, you don't want somebody like you gunning for you.

All right, you're hired.

Really?

Thank you.

Thank you.

Oh, God, now I've got to brush up on my English.

See, I took it in high school. I never imagined I'd actually use it.

Uh, yes, this is Ellen Morgan.

I'm, uh...

Emma Thompson's personal assistant.

No, Emma Thompson, the rodeo clown.

Guess that, Emma Thompson.

Listen, I'm wondering, do you carry crumpets?

Do you know what they look like in case I find someone who does?

Helen, dear girl, what time is my Vanity Fair interview?

I do have to know at what point in my day I need to become charming.

Let me help you with that.

That is at 11 o 'clock.

No, no, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

11 o 'clock, you have your family care. And then lunch at 1.

And then 2 o 'clock, 2 .30, I'm sorry, your personal trainer. And then nothing

until you're due on the set at 6.

So from 3 .30 to 6, you're free. You could get hammered.

No, I prefer to do my drinking early while I'm still fresh.

Oh, and I also, I sent back those scripts to your agent. Which ones were

again? Let's see.

One was based on the novel by Jane Austen, and one was based on a short

Jane Austen, and then the third was Jane, the musical.

Ellen, you're absolutely extraordinary. You've only been my assistant for two

days, and already you anticipate my every need, whim, and want. Well, that's

just because I know so much about you. I mean, for instance, I know you like

your coffee black, two sugars, your agent's name is Marty. You once had a

with Terrence Stamp, the old vip, whatever the hell that means.

That's too bad.

Well, anyway, I just know a lot about you. I probably know more than you know

know. Things that, should they get out, could probably get you courtside seats

at the WNBA.

Oh, now, listen, I nearly forgot. I need you to send some flowers to Cynthia in

England. So I'll just jot down the address for you, darling. And how should

sign that?

Dreaming of you, love and kisses?

Is that appropriate for a funeral?

No, no, no, not if it's all uptight and formal. No.

Look, I'm just going to tell you. I mean, I believe in honesty, so I'm going

just put this on the table here. I'm gay.

Well.

Well, that is a bit of a coincidence.

Really? And why is that? Well, because I have another friend called Ellen who's

gay. Perhaps you know her.

Yes, perhaps we met at one of the gay Ellen meetings.

Look, I saw you with that woman the other night.

Oh.

Alice.

I see.

I hope that it doesn't make you uncomfortable knowing that... Oh,

Ellen. I'm just...

A little startled by your complete candour. I mean, it's just... It must

be wonderful to be so open, so free.

I'd be envious if you weren't also completely unknown and relatively poor.

I can't get over it, though. I mean, you're gay. I had no idea.

And no one else does either, and that is really how I'd like to keep it, my

dear. Hey, 16, they trusted me with the Colonel's secret recipe. I think you can

trust me with that.

Well, all right, then. That's quite a relief, actually. Not having to sort of

carry on this charade with you.

Now when Alice calls, I won't have to pretend she's my riding instructor.

That must be so hard. How did you two meet? She was my riding instructor.

I'll never forget my first time with her. I fell off and broke my arm.

My first time, I only stubbed my toe on the bedpost.

Don't you think it's a little weird you're getting a Lifetime Achievement

so young?

I don't know. What's weird is the Ford Fiesta that comes with it.

Oh, God, there's someone I hate.

Darling! I wish Laurie could be here. This is so much fun.

Is Laurie your... girlfriend?

Girlfriend? Girlfriend is hardly the word for it. That's not even a big

word. She's my white hot mullet. Oh, you would love her. Which I'm not

suggesting, or else I'd have to kick your ass.

It's just amazing, I mean, the way you talk so openly.

About being gay and having a girlfriend and everything.

Why shouldn't I? She's important to me.

I must admit, I have toyed with the idea of coming out myself.

Well, why don't you?

Believe me, there's nothing I'd like better, but it's just so difficult.

No, it's not. I'll give you all the answers to the lesbian entrance exam.

False, true, and on a chain around your belt loop.

If only it were as simple as that.

But I have to think about my career. Look, I just don't want to spend the

of my life playing prison matrons and gym teachers.

It's not going to hurt your career.

I mean, you're an actress. That's not even a real job.

Well, things are changing. People are more accepting now, you know? It's not

same world it was when I came out six months ago.

You can't imagine the relief that you feel by finally being true to yourself.

Ellen?

You're right.

Ma 'am?

On Friday night, at the Achievement Awards, I am going to come out.

On national TV?

I'm going to walk up there and I'm going to announce to the whole world that

Emma Thompson is a poof.

You're gay and a poof?

This is going to be so big.

So, did I miss anything?

No, uh, no, we were just talking and then, uh, poof, you were back.

This is a nightmare, okay? Emma Thompson is going to announce to the world that

she's gay in the middle of shooting my movie.

What if the studio pulls the plug?

They wouldn't do that.

Ellen, it's a love story.

And when Emma is kissing Sean Penn, we'd like the audience to think that she's

into it.

Not daydreaming about what Betty Rubble would be like if she were real.

Thanks. Now, how am I supposed to get that out of my head?

I mean, even you must see that this is not a good idea for her. Why? I did it.

You are nobody.

She's Emma Thompson.

Kids in England have her picture on their lunch boxes.

That's tough, kids.

Now, listen, listen. I know that you think that I am only thinking about

here, and I am not.

Only.

I just think that this would jeopardize Emma's entire career.

Yeah, well, this is Emma's decision. She knows what she's getting into.

The English people are smarter than regular people.

No, no, no, no. She doesn't know what she's getting into, okay? The press will

massacre her. They will dig up old boyfriends and teachers and the guy who

her to the prom or the pram or whatever they call it over there.

So? I'm sure they'll support her. I mean, it can't be a very homophobic

with all those men running around named Terry and Vivian.

Look, maybe you can't appreciate what this has been like for her, but I can.

I have to support her as a human being and as a friend.

Okay, all right, all right. Okay, if you are her friend, then you will do her

this one favor.

You will make sure, absolutely sure, that she grasps the consequences of

All right.

I mean, I'm not just thinking about her career here.

I'm thinking about all those beautiful, small British movies she's yet to star

in. I mean, how would you feel if they were never made?

You're right.

It'd be a terrible tragedy for American moviegoers by the dozens.

Have they sent the other limo over yet, darling? Yes, it's waiting downstairs,

and this one does have a bar in it. Oh, good.

Off we go, then.

An appointment with destiny.

Let's go out and terrify some Baptists.

Emma, first of all, I just want to say I'm so proud of you. I'm really very

proud of you, but I just want to make sure that you're coming out for you,

because you want to and not because I can be so darn persuasive.

Ellen, although you do have a Svengali -like hold on my life, rest assured that

this decision was entirely mine.

Okay, because, you know, there are a lot of stupid, narrow -minded people out

there, and every one of them is or will be running a movie studio.

To hell with them!

Look at you. You came out, and you're none the worse for wear.

Yes, well, you have two Oscars. I only have a trophy that says World's Greatest

Daughter.

The reporters will sniff around.

Oh, I'll just sniff right back.

Okay.

They'll... Delve into your past, you know, swarm around everybody you ever

go into your childhood.

But, you know, that's okay, right?

How far back do you think they'll dig?

Oh, I don't know. All the way. They're insatiable. They never get enough. I

don't know. Why?

The truth is, there is something highly explosive about my past that I don't

want anybody to know about ever.

Well, okay, they don't have to.

But just to be safe, you should probably tell me.

No, no, I mustn't, I mustn't. Emma, it's me.

I'm the least gossipy person I know, unlike Paige, who, besides being

sleeps around a lot.

All right, then.

The truth is, I have myth -led the public a little bit about my part.

So you did a little soft porn.

No,

it's not just that.

The fact is, I'm not... How can I... Technically

British.

Um...

If you must know, I was born in Dayton, Ohio.

Say something, please.

I don't know what to say.

I see the way you're looking at me. You find me disgusting.

I'm sure I've come across people from Dayton before.

I mean, maybe some of my best friends are Daytonians. Oh, God, I knew, I knew.

I knew I should have kept it to myself.

You're not even part English?

I learned the accent from the Julie Andrews movies, all right?

classy roles was to pretend to be British. Besides, you know...

I wasn't getting

anywhere as an actor in Ohio.

Oh, I can't come out to the world tonight.

You know, I... I can face telling them that I'm gay. You know, Hollywood people

can deal with that. But there is no Dayton chic.

Maybe you're right. Maybe society isn't ready for this.

You're telling me, sister.

Let's go down to the limo then, shall we?

Okay, Pip.

Don't pity me.

You know, I've always thought there was something a little odd about Laurence

Olivier. Mobile Alabama.

I tell people it's a single malt scotch, but actually, it's Thunderbird, the

drink of my youth.

Is it supposed to taste like the car?

Sorry I'm late.

Oh, that's okay. We were just talking about how great America is.

If you'd come a moment earlier, you would have caught a swear dancing.

I just wanted to tell you that I'm sorry and that it was wrong for me to

pressure you to influence Emma's decision. A decision which I...

wholeheartedly support.

She decided not to come out tonight.

Yes!

I didn't talk her out of it. I didn't talk her out of it. It was her choice.

There's still a chance she'll get tanked and jump on a waitress.

Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Army Archer.

Oh, welcome.

Tonight, the Society of Film Artists honors Miss Emma Thompson with its

prestigious Lifetime Achievement Award.

You can set that award.

Please welcome, via satellite, Mr. Sean Penn.

Thank you.

Hi, Em.

I'm sorry I couldn't be there tonight. I really wanted to be part of this

evening for you.

What does it take to be honored by a society of film artists?

Not just artistic achievement.

Not just a great talent.

But integrity.

And above all, honesty.

Acting is all about exposing yourself. About facing, without flinching, the

emotional truth of the moment. In this regard, Emma Thompson is a true actress.

And the most courageous woman I know.

The man's a poet.

It's false. I can't go up and accept that award while every word that lovely

is saying about me is a bloody lie. I have to do this.

Well, you know, they're going to find out eventually anyway. That British

you have is not very good.

He's giving this Lifetime Achievement Award to Emma Thompson.

I'm going to do this.

I'm going to do it.

I'm going to march up there and I'm going to tell the world that I'm gay and

yank.

Before we make this presentation, there's something that I need to do.

I'm going to change someone's life tonight.

Someone who's kept a secret for a long, long time.

That person is me.

Inspired by Emma Thompson's integrity.

I have to tell you that I'm gay.

The only people who have ever known me were my parents, a few friends, and

was a bartender at Bar Marmont who, when I ordered a sidecar, he said, what are

you, gay?

And he had the cutest smile.

Anyway.

Thank you for the honest example that you've set with your life.

I'm just so relieved.

Just stop living this lie.

Hi, Dad.

I think that now's perhaps the best time to make part of your announcement.

Seems stealing bastard.

By the way, how did the tabloids find out that you were gay?

Oh, I'm a bloody waiter. The awards ceremony got hold of the coming out

I've never tucked a man in a tuxedo.

You don't have to tell me that. That was the theme at my junior prom.

So, no regrets?

You have got to be kidding. I have never been happier.

It's like I'm living a whole new life.

All right, Thompson.

Come on, let's go. Back to work. You want to cut me some slack here? I'm on a

break.

You'll be on a boat back to France if you don't shake a leg. Okay, okay.

So what'll it be? Soup of the day is cream of broccoli. It's awfully good.

Yeah, I'll have that. That's fine. Thanks.