Original subtitles

You're gonna be late for your dinner date with your old college friend,

I can't believe it.

What, that Ellen has a date?

No, that she went to college.

Looks like she's been in there forever.

Ellen, are you coming out or not?

Yeah, Ellen, quit jerking us around and come out already!

What?

What is the big deal? I've got a whole hour.

So that was two years ago. So then I did the weather in St. Paul.

And basically my job was to tell people how many seconds they could be outside

before their skin froze.

Okay. And how exactly did that qualify you to do the news in Pittsburgh?

Who said I was qualified?

Look at you, TV reporter.

Look at me. Look at you, bookstore manager.

It's amazing. I mean, we're both doing what we always wanted to do.

Well, except for me.

You know, Ellen, if it wasn't for you, I wouldn't be a reporter. That's right.

If it wasn't for me, you would be a senator. Remember I said lower your

It's so amazing. We're just sitting here talking to each other like it was

yesterday. I mean, how long has it been?

Well, yesterday when I picked you up from the airport.

But then before that, five years.

Wow. We look great.

Are you kidding?

We're adorable.

Oh, here comes somebody to adore us right now.

Hi, sorry to interrupt. Or, well, am I interrupting? It looks like you've

finished dinner, so I guess I'm not interrupting.

But, actually, we're still talking, so technically I am interrupting.

But now I'm talking so long that I should have just originally interrupted.

Nice sweater.

Thank you.

Oh, Ellen, this is Susan Richmond, my producer.

Hi, Ellen.

Yeah, oh, wow, Ellen, I've heard so much about you from Richard. He talks about

you all the time. Sometimes I have to say, stop, no one's paying you to talk

about Ellen Morgan.

You said that, you're still getting the checks, right? Yeah.

So, Richard, I just want to tell you, tomorrow's interview's been pushed up an

hour. Does that mean it's an hour earlier or an hour later?

I guess that's why you're the producer and that's why you're the reporter.

I was joking. I know what pushed up means.

It's earlier, right?

Yeah.

Hey, you just can't compliment somebody and leave, sit down, have dessert.

Well, I haven't had dinner, so... Well, sure.

Well, just keep talking as you were before. Pretend I'm not here. Okay.

So, tell me about the bookstore. I mean, it sounds great. Well, it's amazing. My

parsley is just disappearing like just... That is the strangest thing.

I'm pretending like you're not here.

Who are you talking to? I'm not here.

I'm still here.

Hey, you've got a little eyelash right here. You can make a wish. Okay.

Would you like some coffee? That was it. That's amazing.

Wow.

That was so fast.

You wasted a wish on coffee?

Hey, it's okay. I'm sure she can rustle up another one. Yeah, I'll get you some

creme brulee. Here.

Ow! That's not good.

Sorry. I love that part. But you know the movie I really loved was Sling

Right.

I recognize a pretty good movie.

I call it a sling blade.

Most people call it a kaiser blade. I call it a sling blade.

Shaped kind of like a banana.

I love how he said banana.

Me too.

I take it somebody in the movie talks like this?

No.

It was so great meeting you. Hey, you too. I'm glad you stayed for dessert.

Yeah, me too. Thanks.

Bye. See you later. See you tomorrow. Bye.

Nice meeting you. Hey, you too. Yeah, really cool. Funny.

Oh, how about the guy you used to go out with? The guy who used to sit in trees

and cry?

Cliff was a poet.

What about Debbie?

She had that laugh that... She had asthma.

Oh.

How about your boyfriend, Mr. Feel This?

Fear this.

Fear this.

Well, it would have made sense if the guy worked out, but he weighed, what,

pounds? Yeah.

He loved me. How many people are going to run out in the rain and get me

pudding? I would.

Maybe.

How much rain are we talking about?

See, if you have to ask, you've answered my question.

Boy,

Susan seems great.

Yeah. Oh, I don't know what I'd do without her.

Find another producer, I guess.

Boy, I envy you guys. I mean, what a job. Every day it's something different,

you know? I mean, one day it's a whale getting washed up on the beach. The next

day it's cloning. The next day it's two whales getting washed up on the beach.

You can only save one. You don't know which one's the original.

Oh, Ellen, I've forgotten how much fun you are. Yeah, me too. I am fun.

I've wasted so much time dating, you know, models and actresses. I probably

should have just been dating someone like you.

Thank you?

You know what I'm trying to say.

It's just you're smart, you're beautiful.

I don't know, I feel so comfortable with you.

Yeah.

Yeah, that's how I feel with you. If there's one thing I'm feeling right now,

it's comfortable.

So, you seen anybody right now?

Me? No, not now. No, not for a couple of, uh... Not now.

Me neither.

How about that?

Oh, I've forgotten how great you smell.

You know, Richard...

It's been a while since we've seen each other, and we all know we're smelling

leads.

You know, I don't think that we should rush into anything.

Oh, God.

I'm an idiot. No, no, no. I feel like I've crossed a line. No, no, no. What

line? What's a line? You know, just the shortest distance between two points,

which is from here to the door, which is where I'm going to go.

You know, I'm gonna... It's okay.

Can I call you tomorrow?

Yeah, call me tomorrow. Why not? Yeah. I mean, good thing we're friends, because

it could be awkward. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. It's, uh... It's, uh... It's not, so... You know.

All right, then. Goodbye.

Bye.

Nope. Not awkward at all.

Who are you talking to?

You?

Well, did we just finish up the conversation, or do you want to continue

my room?

I got ice. Oh, all right, then.

Do you want to split a $5 soda, my treat?

No, actually, I just had an $8 bottle of pineapple juice with Richard.

Your room is exactly like his.

Oh,

sorry.

Oh, I love this song. Me too, John Lee Hooker. So, so cool.

I love him. I saw him in concert. He is a god. Yeah, yeah, me too. I mean, I'm

not a god.

I saw him actually in New Orleans at the Jazz Fest.

Oh my God, I love the Jazz Fest. I saw Crawfish at the Jazz Fest. Wait a

I bought Crawfish at the Jazz Fest.

Were you a 60 -year -old black man? That was me.

So weird. and we were so alike. I know. It's really strange. I've never met

anybody that I, like, it's like I'm looking at a mirror, you know? It's

mean, a funhouse mirror where I'm taller and thinner, but, like, you know.

Well, you seem more relaxed than out in the hall. Yeah. I don't want to talk

about that.

Okay.

So tell me... Richard came on to me when I was in his room.

Really? Yeah, really.

Ugh. How weird.

Huh? Yeah. I mean, I've known him for so long, and...

I mean, he's so great. He's so smart and funny and... Gorgeous. Gorgeous, yeah.

I mean, he's everything. He's perfect, you know? And I... I mean, why am I not

interested, you know? I can't imagine. Yeah.

Did you ever go out with him or... No, Ellen... Oh, yeah, office romance. Yeah,

that's a bad idea, I guess.

I don't date men.

Oh.

Why? I'm gay.

You're gay?

Yeah. Oh.

How about that?

Gay. Good.

Good. Gay. I didn't, I didn't, I... That's good for you. Of course. Why

you be gay?

Wow. I thought you knew.

No. Didn't know. Yeah.

In fact, I thought you were gay, too.

You thought I was gay?

Why would you think I was gay?

Oh, wow.

I'm sorry.

I just kind of got that vibe.

Vibe? Like a gay vibe?

What,

like I'm giving off some kind of gay vibration?

Gay!

That's funny. Yeah. No, I think what you're sensing is a very, very strong I

like men vibe. And it's throwing you a little bit. So, you know, you're

about that. Ellen.

Ellen. Yes. Ice.

Yes. I like ice.

Heterosexuals like ice.

Wow. Wow. I'm really sorry.

What? You know, it's funny because...

is, uh, you, uh, you know, it's not enough for you to be gay. You know,

got to recruit others, you know.

Hey, I'll have to call national headquarters and tell them I lost you.

Damn, just one more and I would have gotten that toaster oven.

What, what is that, gay humor?

Because I don't get it.

That's how un -gay I am.

uncomfortable no no okay you know you're wrong and that's all so you know you

can be wrong people are wrong yeah so i'm i'm gonna get going but uh no big

you know so

That's why I left for a minute.

Morning.

Oh, how was dinner with Richard?

Oh, it was great. It was great. We had dinner at the restaurant in his hotel.

Oh, how was that? You know, because I heard the rooms aren't that great there.

No, they're nice. They're big and they're really actually... Wait, what?

I'm sorry.

You went back up to his room?

Yeah.

Details, please.

Guys are not interested in girl talk. Am I right, Joe? Right on.

You girls just continue on with your little gap session without us.

So you had dinner with Richard and... Well, we went back to his room so we

continue talking.

Ellen, you didn't! Oh, didn't I?

No. Yeah.

Get out!

Anyway, so we go into his room and...

Oh, men, men, men, why do I love men so much?

You said that?

Yeah, because I was just so turned on, you know, from him being a man and me

being one.

Show me the money, baby.

Show me the money?

I had seen Jerry Maguire the night before. Stop interrupting. Anyway, about

hours later, we're lying in bed and enjoying a well -earned smoke.

Ellen, you don't smoke.

All right, all right. We were chewing gum.

Oh, Ellen.

That was...

Incredible.

Your passion knows no bounds.

What's your secret?

I guess I'm just a sucker for man -woman sex.

I love you. Shh.

Don't speak.

I want you again.

I want you in every room of this hotel.

There are over 1 ,400 rooms in this hotel.

Well, then I suggest less talking, more loving.

Unbelievable. Awesome.

Man -woman sex?

Yes.

So, Ellen, do you want to tell me what really happened between you and Richard

last night?

Okay. I was kissing him and pushing him toward the bed.

Men, men, men. Why do I love men so much?

This is great.

This is great, Eleanor. Maybe we should just take things a little slower. Why?

Why? I want you. You want me.

Let's get it on.

Show me the money.

Show me the... Show me the money?

Didn't anybody see Jerry Maguire?

Then what happened?

Well, okay, then cut to 15 minutes later.

I'm sorry, Richard. This has never happened to me before.

It's okay. It happens.

You're probably just tired.

So you didn't sleep with him?

Not even close.

But I lied to my friends and I told them I did.

So it's easier to tell your friends what they want to hear.

Finally, a therapist I can work with.

So that's basically it. You know, no major problems, nothing pressing.

What kind of vibe do you get from me?

I'm sensing a little tension.

That's right. Tension. I have tension. Yes, you can read vibes.

Yeah, good.

No wonder you have a degree on your... You do have a degree, don't you?

Oh, Yale. Couldn't get into Harvard, huh?

You made that same joke last session, Ellen.

Is there something you want to talk about?

Well, as a matter of fact, yes.

You know what I hate?

I'll tell you what I hate. I hate when people make assumptions about you, you

know?

I mean, especially when that you is me.

It's not like I haven't had boyfriends, you know, just because I don't happen to

have a boyfriend right now.

You know, it's just I'm choosy. What's wrong with me? If I wasn't choosy, I'd

Mrs. Larry Gladstone, wife of my eighth -grade boyfriend.

There is nothing wrong with being choosy, Ellen. Right, exactly.

And it's not like I'm looking for perfection, you know. I just want

special, somebody, you know, that I click with.

And obviously you didn't click with Richard.

Has there ever been anyone you felt you clicked with?

And what was his name?

Susan.

Hey, you got a message from Richard on your machine.

Yeah.

Ellen, hi. It's Richard. We have to cancel tonight. I have to take an 8 o

flight back to Pittsburgh.

A baby panda was born.

I'm assuming at the zoo.

Sorry I missed you.

Bye.

Why do all the good ones always live out of town?

Thanks. Here we go.

Let me run something by you.

Quickly, if you were me, and you, I mean me, were to say something to someone,

but you, I mean me... Ellen, we know how to play if you were me.

Okay, so, um, you want to say something to someone, but you're afraid. And then

you find out this person's getting on a plane, so you're never going to see the

person again. So it seems stupid, you know, not to bury your soul. So doing

something is almost like doing nothing. So what do you think? Should I do

nothing or should I do nothing?

Maybe I don't know how to play if you were me.

But you're me, right?

And, Ellen, go to the airport.

Yeah.

One more thing. If you were me, would you take La Cienega or the 405?

What are you doing here? You didn't have to come all the way down here just to

say goodbye.

Oh, yes, I did. Yeah.

Yeah, because otherwise I wouldn't be able to give you this.

Gum.

You know, it's for, you know, on the flight, you know, the popping and

everything. You've got to have gum. So, you know, I should probably give some to

Susan, too. Where's she?

She'll be right back.

Okay. You know, about last night. I'm sorry. It was me. I'm sorry. I, you

There's just so much I want to say. Well, you know what I do when I have a

to say? I just put it all down in a letter because, you know, the emotions

you know, it's better that way. And that's what I'm going to do. I'm going

write you a letter with everything. And, you know, besides, I'll always be the

girl that you didn't sleep with, which makes me special.

So I guess, you know, we'll always not have that. Yeah.

Can I call you?

Yeah. Not if I call you first.

All right.

Bye.

Hi. Can I talk to you just quickly before you leave?

Yeah, listen. No, no, no. Please, please, please let me just talk. Just,

Okay.

You know how, you know, you said in the room, you know, that you thought maybe I

was, you know, I said no, no, no, no, no. Well, I was thinking about it, you

know, and I think that maybe I'm, I am, I guess what I'm trying to say is I

did get the joke about the toaster oven.

What are you saying what I think you're trying to say?

What do you think I'm trying to say?

Oh, I'm not going to say it again and be wrong. No, you're not wrong. You're

right.

This is so hard, but I think I've realized that

I am... I can't even say the word.

Why can't I say the word? I mean, why can't I just say... I mean, what is

Why do I have to be so ashamed? I mean, why can't I just...

Say the truth. I mean, be who I am. I'm 35 years old.

I'm so afraid to tell people. I mean, I just... Susan, I'm gay.

That felt great.

That felt so great.

And it felt so loud.

Oh, well, um, I guess you have to get on a plane, don't you?

No.

What?

Oh, I'm not leaving for another three days. I got a lot of work to do here.

So, you want to get some coffee or something?

Yeah, okay, I guess. Yeah, sure.