Original subtitles

Help you.

Ellen!

Show me the money.

Show me the money.

Show me the money!

Audrey. I'm sorry.

Ellen, did I wake you?

Yeah, you did, but...

Thank God, because I hate when sunrise catches me by surprise.

Audrey, I gave you my key for emergencies.

Don't you think that my broken heart qualifies as an emergency?

Audrey, Mike broke up with you a week ago. You can't keep coming in here every

single night. What if I was with somebody?

Thank you.

I knew you'd cheer me up.

Ladies and gentlemen, the flying Karamazov brothers.

Beat the gate!

What's wrong with you people?

Jeez.

It's all our fault.

Listen to this.

Hey, Paige, it's Matt.

I know it's been a while, but could you give me a call when you get a chance?

Thanks.

Paige, it's Ellen. Please call me. I swear if Audrey spends one more night in

house, I will... I will have to decorate with more pink because she enjoys that

color so much and I want her to be happy and love her so dearly is what I said.

Aww.

What were you saying, Spence? That was Matt. The Matt. The guy that Paige

married. Right. They're having coffee tomorrow.

What kind of guy goes out with a girl who's already in a relationship?

You?

Come on. Expense. Paige loves you, I'm guessing, and you love Paige, I think.

It's harmless. It's coffee.

Look, Al, the guy is charming, you know, he's nice.

He's going to pick up the check. I'm doomed.

What am I going to do? Well, you're going to start by putting the tape back

Paige's machine and then just, you know, buy her something that she's always

wanted. A sea otter. Bread makers.

Well, I'm not going to give her up without a fight.

Audrey, I'm so sorry about you and Mike.

I hate seeing you like this. I think I'll go home and lie down for a while.

Joe!

Audrey, Audrey, Audrey, I know this is hard. It's going to be sad for a while,

but give yourself some time. A week, a month, you'll get over it. You'll bounce

back. Holy guacamole, what a fox!

Thank you very much, Audrey.

That, huh? That's the Audrey we know and love and who lives upstairs and doesn't

sleep with me every night.

Go talk to him.

Sorry I'm late.

The lucky bastard.

Audrey, you and a guy who can't hear you. I have a good feeling about this.

Oh, he's leaving, Ellen. He's leaving.

He left, Ellen. He left. I know, Audrey. I know. Why are we talking like this?

Why are we talking like this?

Looks like someone has a crush on my friend Brian.

I'm not surprised all the girls at our theater company love him. He's an actor?

And a good one, too.

He's playing Romeo in the L .A. Deaf Theater Company's production of Romeo

Juliet.

And interpreting?

What? What does that mean?

Me.

Oh, no, I'm sorry. Okay, um, the actors on stage will use sign language, and I

will interpret for those who can hear.

Oh. You know, I know a little sign language.

Yeah? In college, I took a course. Watch this.

Ellen, that's disgusting.

What?

Oh, my God.

So, how are things at the police department?

Great. This week alone, I've had two double murders and a kidnapping.

I'm living the dream.

This is nice.

I was a little afraid it was going to be awkward.

Yeah.

Look, Paige, the reason I called is, remember that weekend we had that

picnic on the beach and I gave you those diamond earrings?

Matt, how do I say this?

It's really over between us.

I know, that's why I want the earrings back.

You see, my grandmother wanted those to go to my bride and, well,

I'm getting married, so...

Well, I'm sorry. What did you just say?

You want the earrings back.

I know that you heard the answering machine, so I just wanted to say this

up front, okay?

It turns out that Matt just... Before you say another word, listen to me.

I have a great evening planned for us. I have champagne on the beach, followed

by dinner at Spago.

Spence, that is so sweet. Yeah. What's the occasion? Does there need to be an

occasion for romance?

So, uh, there's something about Matt. You're saying something about Matt?

Oh, well, um, he just, he wanted to... Are those for me? Yeah, yeah, I see they

are. Wow, they're beautiful.

So are you.

So, you were saying about Matt.

Oh, Matt, he just, um, well, he, he, um, hasn't met anyone

since we broke up and he was so lonely and he just...

Want to know what I was up to.

Can we go on a limo?

Oh, indeed.

Oh,

there he is.

Oh, Ellen, I'm so nervous. I don't know if I can go through with this. Oh, come

on. I've taught you enough sign language for one conversation to start out.

Anyway, just rehearse. Go ahead. Okay.

A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H... That's good. Okay, that's fine. Oh, hi, Peter.

Attention, everybody.

Let's take a break.

Brian.

Audrey, Ellen. Welcome to our little theater.

Hi.

How are you?

I'm... Ellen.

Ellen.

Oh.

Hi. How are you?

I'm Ellen.

Ellen.

This is Brian, a .k .a. Romeo.

Brian, this is... Audrey.

A .K .A. Audrey.

Oops, sorry, he couldn't hear that.

Oops, sorry, he didn't hear that either.

Oh, my God.

It's a miracle, I can hear.

I read, Liv.

So you can understand everything I'm saying?

If you look right at me.

Wow, but that's kind of hard to look right at the person you're talking to.

Because what if all of a sudden you look down and you say, oh, there's a shiny

new penny. Should I pick it up? And then you go down and pick it up and you

think, what year is this? Is it old?

Ellen, is this helping Audrey at all? Oh, no, not really.

You know who's really good at signing is Audrey.

Ellen, I don't need to sign. Here are the lips.

Well, but if you at least give it the effort, he'd really be impressed by

Audrey.

Okay, um, A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H.

That's wonderful.

Oh, thank you.

the alphabet.

Oh, Peter, could you show me around?

Okay.

Find out what he thinks about me. Okay, I will.

Wonderful.

How long have you been an actor?

For years.

Years. Yeah.

That means I got it.

This is going to be harder. Okay, a train leaves Cincinnati heading west

40 miles an hour at the same time a pigeon takes off from Ohio.

Um, let's see if you understand it, okay?

Okay.

You want me to play the trumpet?

That can't be right. All right, concentrate. Think.

I find you incredibly sexy.

Can I see you again?

We're back!

So, what did you find out about my Romeo?

Uh, he has a sexy trumpet at home.

Okay.

Audrey, is it all right if I take $20 out of your wallet later?

If you don't want me to, just nod your head.

Okay, I will then.

It's going to be a great day.

Audrey?

Audrey, I have to tell you something.

Brian made a pass at me.

He told me that he finds me incredibly sexy and that he'd like to see me again.

I partially blame myself. I've been using this new mango conditioner, and,

Who knows, you know?

Anyway, I would never do anything to intentionally hurt you, and I think you

know that.

They are upset, and I feel better, and I think we both do.

Oh, Ellen!

Hi! Listen, just so you know, I'm wearing earplugs so I can experience

world. Did you hear anything I said?

You know what? It's true what they say.

When you lose one sense, your other senses are heightened.

I can even smell the cinnamon rolls from the bakery down the street.

That's uncanny.

Audrey, Brian made a pass at me.

What? I know it's crazy, but... I don't want to hear this. Look, he said he

finds me incredibly sexy and he wants to see me again. As I said earlier, it's

the mango conditioner and I'm sorry.

Well, and did he say anything about me?

No, he was too busy telling me how...

Sexy I was.

Oh, I see now.

This was your plan all along.

Audrey, it is not a plan. I never had a plan. How long have you known me? Have I

ever had a plan?

Thank you so much for sitting with me while I got my nails done today.

That's 45 minutes of my life.

I can't wait for this weekend. This hotel looks amazing. Yeah, it's got a

spa, a four -star restaurant, and a partial ocean view.

Partial?

Is there a problem?

No.

No, of course not. I mean, well, the last time I went to Carmel, our room had

full ocean view.

And that was Matt, and, you know, things like that were important to him. But,

you know, it's going to be fine. You know, fine's not good enough. No.

What floor were you on? Fifth? Tenth? Because you're going to be in the

penthouse. You're going to be able to see both oceans.

Hi, Brian. It's Ellen.

Hey, Ellen.

What's up?

Uh, Brian.

I'm flattered by what you said to me yesterday, but things are not going to

out.

Go ahead.

What do you mean?

I don't think that's any of your business. I'm talking to Brian.

I am Brian, remember?

I'm sorry, yes, I forgot the rules for a second there.

Okay, so Brian said, what do you mean? Yes.

Okay, what does he mean, what do I mean? What is your response, please?

What do you mean?

I mean, what is your response?

That is my response. Well, then say, go ahead.

Well, there's no need to yell.

Listen, Brian, all I'm trying to say is it's Audrey who likes you, not me, and

I'm sorry for the misunderstanding.

Go ahead.

Well, Audrey likes me. I think she's adorable.

Do you think she'd ever go out with me? Yes, she would love it. Go ahead.

Hold up. As far as the things between you and I, I think it's best for

if we just pretend the whole thing didn't happen.

Wait a minute. Don't type that. And don't type that I said don't type that.

don't type that. I got it. I got it.

Go ahead.

So I'll see you tomorrow night at the play.

Okay.

Bye, Brian.

Go ahead.

Bye, Ellen.

Bye, mean operator lady.

I've just got two words for you.

Go ahead.

Well, tonight we're going to go to another fantastic restaurant, and

set aside the whole day for antiquing.

We're going to have so much fun.

This is killing you, isn't it? Not quickly enough.

Don't look now. Here comes bachelor number two.

Hey, guys. I was supposed to meet Paige here.

I guess I'm a little early.

Paige is still going to meet you after everything I've done?

Yeah, that's the plan.

Well, congratulations, Matt. I guess the best man won. I guess you're going to

go back to Carmel and celebrate, huh?

Carmel? Yeah. Never been to Carmel. Really? Yeah. Don't play dumb with me.

Paige, full ocean view.

Full ocean view? Yeah.

Wait a minute.

Now, Paige used to try to tell me how her old boyfriend would take her

with a full ocean view, but I never fell for it.

I'd have to be a real idiot.

You'd have to be a real boob to fall for that one.

Yeah, you would. You would.

Anyway, no, I just came to get my grandmother's earrings back. I'm getting

married, and I want them to go to my fiancé, so... Didn't Paige tell you?

Carla, pick up. I know you're screaming.

Carla, you can't do this to me. I can't interpret this play alone.

Well, if you get this message within the next...

Two minutes. Please, please, please come down to the theater. I will never

forgive you as long as I live.

Tell Marcus that I... Hey.

Audrey, what a coincidence.

We're at the same play.

Hey, I straightened everything out. Brian didn't know that you liked him and

wants to go out with you. Isn't that great news?

Oh, I see.

You can't hear me. You have those plugs in.

You can't hear what I'm saying. You probably don't even know I'm here.

I see.

Here's what you're doing. Because we're here, you want to sign everything.

Okay, so we'll sign. You start. You sign something to me.

What's the matter? Cat got your thumb?

Ellen, please stop bothering me.

I'm just here to support my loyal friend, Peter.

Oh, look! Here comes my trustworthy friend now.

Maybe you should look up those words later, Ellen.

Oh, Peter, what are you doing out here? The show's about to start.

I know.

Ellen, can I talk to you for just a minute? Actually, I'm just okay.

is a very, very bad idea. I don't think we should do this.

Relax.

Just read the text in front of you, watch the actors on the stage, and

fine.

Oh, there is one thing you have to remember.

Make sure you always... Tell you later.

Two households, both alike in dignity, in Verona, where we set our scene.

Oh, Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou, Romeo?

Deny thy father and refuse thy name.

Shall I hear more, or shall I speak at this?

Tis but thy name that is my enemy. Thou art thyself, though not a Montague.

Forget the script. Just watch them sign.

Something fell on my foot. How can I hide the pain in my face? Can you help

Do you have Advil or something that I can put inside of me?

Thou art afraid.

I take thee at thy word.

Just call me love, and I shall be new baptized.

You make me sick with your words, not knowing what you sayeth. I don't

understand you, but flies come my way, and I try to hit them with my hand. I

scream at the fly. I say, go, go!

Neither, fair lady, if either thee dislike.

Ha! I say, no, no, don't cry for me, Argentina.

I will not cry for you.

Do, do, one less bell to answer, one less egg to pry on my face with my fist

my chest before I wash my hands. Do you care?

For never was a tale of more woe than this of Juliet and her Romeo.

So good night.

Folks, that's our show.

And we run to join you with our hands clasped and bent to the ground, looking

for something we love. Ellen, they're bowing.

I don't know how to thank you, Ellen. I really, really don't.

Well, I'm available tomorrow night.

Thank you, no.

You really brought the play to life.

Hi, Ellen.

Hey, Andre.

Oh, hi.

I'm glad to see you.

Um, would you like to go for a cup of coffee with me?

Oh, oh, Brian, thank you, but, um, since you made a pass at my former friend

Ellen, I just don't really feel comfortable.

I'm done. I'm done.

Are you saying that I made a pass at you?

Well, I don't want to make a big deal of it. I don't want to dwell on it. But

you did say that you found me incredibly sexy and that you wanted to see me

again.

No, no. I say your brow is beautiful.

But you said... Yes, that's what I said.

Your brow is beautiful.

But I wasn't wearing a beautiful blouse. Well,

isn't this embarrassing for everyone? And by everyone, I mean me.

Oh, Ellen, I feel terrible about this. It's all completely my fault. I should

have known this happened because you're so bad at signing.

Apology accepted.

Oh, Ellen, let's promise never to let a man come between us ever again.

Oh, I can honestly say that won't happen.

Maybe I will go for that coffee with you after all, Romeo.

Do it yet.

Bye.

Bye.

Isn't that sweet?

Hey, I'm sorry about everything that happened tonight. If there's anything I

do to make it up to you.

No, no, no, no, no.

Okay. Oh, Barrett and I had a terrible fight and he didn't show up.

Well, I guess I'll just go check into some hotel.

I don't suppose you'd want to crash at my place, huh? Oh, yes, I would. Thank

you very much.

I guess you don't need to talk about this, do you? Oh, for hours and hours,

probably be up all night.

How long do these fights usually last?

Oh, the longest was about a month.

The guy playing Mercutio sure was cute.

I'm not surprised. Yes, okay.

All right.

So, can I open them now? No, I want you to know, listen, I know there are a lot

of guys holding torches for you out there, but I want you to really know I

do anything it takes to make you happy. Oh.

Okay, you can open them.

Feel free to supersize it.

I suggest the curly fries.