Original subtitles

Previously on Newhart, we've experienced a series of dud dates.

We've gone from fantastic to flat, and we're trying to put some more pizzes

our zaps.

I'd recommend you stop seeing each other. You mean take a brief vacation

each other. I mean break up.

What if we got married?

A wedding might be fun.

They're here.

Major bulletin, major bulletin.

Michael and I are getting married.

You mean it?

Yep. I'm officially going to become her muffin man.

It's Stephanie you're in love with, right?

Thrilled. Yeah, wasn't this kind of sudden? Sudden? This whole thing has

bubbling for the last four years since we first became Cupid Kebabs.

On your double date with us, you didn't seem all that bubbly.

Oh, we blame that mostly on you two.

George, hold on to your plaids. Steph and I are getting hitched. Wow, you

kid.

I've bagged my limit.

When's the big event?

A week from Sunday at Mommy and Daddy's mansion.

246 guests, Hal Rosemont Society Orchestra, and the color scheme is petal

That sounds wonderful.

Yeah, I better call Mommy and Daddy and let them know.

Nats, you're all invited.

And Joanna, I want you to be my maid of honor, because I love you.

Oh, Stephanie, thank you.

And this way you have to do everything I say.

And, Dick, since Joanna's going to be made of honor, naturally, it follows

you be my flower girl.

I'm just kidding.

You're my best muchacho or nothing.

There's a choice.

George, you're in for accolades, too. How does Head Usher sound?

Wow, it'll be the most exciting day of my life.

I know.

Choosing the flowers, designing the invitations, selecting the music. I

our first dance should probably have a Latin flavor.

What are your plans afterwards?

I'm leaning reggae.

How about you, Sweet Cake?

No, I think Dick means things like, have you thought about your financial

situation? Where are you going to live?

Like, like not here, right?

Dick, we've got a wedding to plan. We can't think about the marriage.

Practicing my brains out being an usher. Watch this.

Are you with the bride or the groom?

Actually, both.

I'm not quite there yet, Dick.

So, how's the best man?

Have you come up with a toast yet?

Not yet. I'm having a little trouble coming up with something to rhyme with.

Tragic mistake.

I'm sure their marriage is going to turn out to be... not bad.

Boy, that's every couple's dream.

You guys didn't elope, did you?

No, we just came back from our blood test and Steph's feeling a little woozy.

Stupid, stupid blood testers.

Steph, you know I would have rushed to your side if I could have run with my

head between my knees.

We hear tell you two are tying the umbilical cord.

Miss Stephanie, be honest with us.

What did he have that we didn't?

Was it his plastic good look?

Or the way he talked?

Daryl here thinks he might be an illegal.

Guys, let me put it in simple English.

When Steph and I met, it was Nirvana -rama.

Anyway, we brought you some wedding presents.

Daryl.

What is it?

A pen from a bank.

And a partially frozen porcupine.

You know, something borrowed, something blue.

Thank you, Larry.

I guess all there is left for us is the RSVP.

Oh, guys, this wedding's way out in the boonies.

Newport. Oh.

Well, that changes everything.

Who do we ride with?

Oh, guys, you don't understand. It's not that simple. You just, you can't.

You're riding with Dick.

What?

Oh, by the way, can we have a window seat?

Uh, why?

Daryl likes to moon out -of -state drivers.

I just want to make sure that everything is exactly as per our agreement.

80 pounds of Beluga caviar, 200 magna of Dom Pena champagne,

a 20 -foot ice sculpture in the shape of the Chicago Stock Exchange.

I don't care if it's making your life a living hell.

I'm rich and I want it.

Arthur, aren't we going a little overboard on this affair?

Nonsense, Marion. How often does our daughter get married?

Twice so far.

Good morning.

Good morning, everyone.

I hope you all had a pleasant night.

I slept like a log.

I had nightmares about out -of -state drivers pulling alongside our car.

Where are the free newlyweds this morning?

They're posing for the figurines on top of the wedding cake.

We did that.

This is quite a spread you guys got here, Art.

We're guessing that you must be one of them two income families.

These three chaps are a hoot.

Everyone, please join us for breakfast on the veranda. Oh, boy, another chance

to practice.

Right this way?

Actually, it's this way.

I'm glad I got that handyman thing to fall back on.

Oh, Michael, that posing was a lot tougher than I thought.

No wonder other couples settle for strangers on their cakes.

It's going to be worth it to see a miniature of my wonder wench in

Michael, everything's been so hectic. Do you realize this is the first chance

we've had to be alone?

You're right, Steph. You want to bend your ear to nibble distance?

Are you happy, Michael? Sure. Didn't you hear me just go?

So you want to marry me?

Steph, I know things were a little frazzled the day I asked you to be my

half.

So right now I...

I like to do things right.

Michael, proposals are on one knee. Begging forgiveness is on two.

Force of habit.

Steph, I want you to have this.

Oh, Michael.

It's the most beautiful, most minuscule little thing I've ever seen.

Cupcake, I know it's small, but believe me, it stretches every credit line I

have to its very limit.

Oh, Michael.

I know you deserve better.

You're right, I do.

But it is from you.

Oh, Steph, from the moment I met you four years ago, my life has been nothing

but wall -to -wall wows.

Stephanie Vanderkellen, will you marry me?

Yes, you lucky dog, you.

Steph, I'm supposed to make you cry.

Michael just proposed to me.

Isn't that why we're here?

Yeah, but I did it much better this time. There's a ring in everything.

Where?

This isn't one of those squirter things, is it?

You know, if you put your eyeball right up to it, it's as big as anything.

Wow, what a rock!

Arthur, it isn't the size. It's the thought that counts.

It is not.

Now, Mommy and Daddy, stop that. Michael, this ring will always have a

place in my heart. It's not on my finger.

Oh, Steph.

By the way, my secretary typed up that list of wedding vows you asked for.

You might want to look it over.

Oh, poo, papers, Michael.

They look fine to me.

For richer or even richer?

In health and minor aches and pains?

Quite a commitment.

Come on, Michael.

We have to start planning what's going to happen after the wedding.

Tiffany, that's great.

You have to practice feeding me the cake so I get just enough icing on the tip

of my cute little nose to make it seem like I'm a good sport.

Icing on my cupcake.

Loudon, I feel good about those two kids.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

Right this way.

Actually, it's that way.

Darn it. I thought I had that one nailed.

Joanna, did you hear that? I mean, when it comes to the future, they haven't

looked past the tip of Stephanie's nose.

Well, come on, Dick.

I mean, when you and I got married, we didn't know everything. We thought it

going to be fun.

all the time.

Joanna, you and I were different.

We were mature.

I mean, we didn't call each other muffin and cupcake.

I mean, sure, they know each other's favorite sweater colors. Sure, they know

what cartoon characters they'd most like to be friends with.

But they don't even know where they're going to live.

I mean, I really think that I should say something.

Dick, it's not your place to say anything.

You're right.

Let's let their pal...

Huckleberry Hound handled it.

When he shakes his head, his hair bounces almost as good as mine.

He does sound perfect, Stephanie.

Oh, Joanna.

I don't think you've met everyone.

Joanna, these are my best and dearest friends in the whole wide world.

Francine, Blythe, Alicia, Midge.

Lauren, Muffy with a Y, Muffy with an IE.

Well, enough unimportant stuff. Let's open the gift.

All right, all right. Enough of the talent.

On with the toast.

Loudon?

Michael?

Marriage is like an airplane flight.

Sometimes you ride in first class.

Sometimes you have to sit and coach.

Sometimes... The ride is smooth.

Other times you hit turbulence.

Sometimes you get a four -course meal.

Other times you have to settle for nuts.

Sometimes... All right, Loudon, how long is this flight?

I guess I won't get into the part about the lost luggage.

What I'm trying to say is that marriage isn't easy, but I'm sure that you two

will...

Anyway, good luck.

Here, here.

We wish you very well in your marriage.

And even though we were once bitter rivals, we say this from the bottom of

heart. Dibs if you divorce her.

This one's from Francine.

It's another Fabergé egg.

It's okay, but next time check with the other girls first.

I don't believe... A designer wardrobe? A trip to Monte Carlo and Fabergé 8?

Don't worry.

It looks like there are some big ones coming up.

I want to thank you all for being here.

Gathered in this room are the men who mean the most to me in my life.

More or less.

To one of the men who I respect most in the world.

The Dixter.

boffo best man.

To George, who I think is going to make one heck of a terrific usher.

Great. More pressure.

To Mr. V, my future padre -in -law, I want to thank you for creating

Stephanie.

Here's a little trick for getting more bubbles in the champagne.

You know, when I was a little girl,

I had an image of what my second husband would be like.

Michael Harris comes closer to filling that bill than anyone I've ever met.

Here, here.

Oh, boy, Dick, you look primo.

In that outfit, you could double as best man and a waiter at the reception.

Boy, this has been great.

Steph and I have been the center of attention all week.

People have showered us with gifts. We saw our names printed a thousand times

Bodini bold.

This wedding was the best idea Stephanie and I ever had.

With all this flurry of fun, there's only one thing I've forgotten.

Your blessing.

My blessing?

Well, my dad's gone, and my mom's flitting around Europe with some guy

Paolo.

You're sort of like the father I never had.

Go ahead, Dick.

Okay.

Bless you.

Come on, Dick. I didn't sneeze.

I just want you to be totally honest and say that you approve and think I'm

doing the right thing.

Michael, to tell you the complete truth, I don't

feel right about this wedding.

Well, obviously, you're new to this blessing business. Why don't you take

another run at it?

Michael, I wish I felt differently, but I have serious doubts about whether

you're... You're marrying Stephanie is, well, a good idea.

What?

They want it for wedding photos.

Dick's trying to 86 the marriage.

Dick! Joanna!

The maid of honor shouldn't abandon the bride right before the wedding. I said I

was 13.

Nicole!

The bride and groom are not supposed to see each other.

Steph, Dick's trying to put the kibosh on our nuptial.

What? Look, whether you get married or not is your decision.

I just think you should know that marriage is hard.

It's responsibilities.

It's daily.

It's not all rainbows and fireworks.

It is, too.

Steph's right. The only bumps in this marriage will be of the goose variety.

Look, marriage can be terrific, but, I mean, if you two are simply...

looking for something to get you out of the dating blog.

I mean, this isn't the answer.

But I love Michael, and he loves me. Isn't that enough?

Dick, it should be, especially with 15 minutes to go until the wedding.

Dick, you realize if Steph and I don't get married, we'll have to break up.

Oh, Michael, not again.

Oh, I'm sorry, Steph, but there's no other choice for us.

Dick says we shouldn't get married, and we don't have any fun dating anymore, so

we have to break up.

blessing for that.

You're right, Dick. This is much better than them getting married.

All right, I'll give you my blessing.

You mean it?

Well, the wedding is already paid for.

If being apart causes you this much pain, there's no way your marriage can

any worse.

Oh, Dick,

Oh, I triggered one of those again.

Come on, Steph, let's go walk down that aisle.

Michael!

You didn't see me, did you?

No, Steph, my eyes were too full of tears.

You were nothing but a cute blur.

Hey, Dick.

Everyone's in his seat and nobody's hurt.

Way to us, George.

Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to witness the marriage of

Vanderkellen and Michael Harris.

To surround them with our prayers and to ask God's blessing upon them. What is

it, Beth?

Is it just me, or is it a fun peek right before dearly beloved?

I'm definitely fencing a dip in the spark index.

Let's not panic, let's give it a second.

Now it's definitely still plummeting.

So, Stephanie and Michael, as you face the future together... You better hold

it.

Michael, I don't understand.

All the planning for the wedding was fun, but now all we're faced with is a

fat marriage.

You're right, Steph.

If the trend continues, think of how it'll be in another 20 or 30 years.

be just like Dick said. It won't be all rainbows and fireworks.

Ew.

What's, uh, what's going on?

If we're thinking you were right, Dick, we shouldn't get married.

What?

Well, after the walk down the aisle, the rest was anticlimactic. I mean,

everyone had seen me in the dress.

What is going on?

Excuse me, uh, can I have everybody's attention?

Uh,

we, uh, we were going to get married, but... Dick talked us out of it.

Which one is Dick?

That, um... That would be me.

Oh, good. She's back in the dating pool.

Does this mean you're going to break up?

Are we, Michael?

No, Steph, I've got it all figured out.

We'll just stay engaged forever.

We'll be in a state of perpetual wedding planning. That way the spark will never

die.

And we can just go on dating and dating.

Martin, what did you do? I didn't spend a bazillion dollars to have my daughter

and Michael go together.

Come on, Steph, let's make it official.

Stephanie, will you marry me sometime in the unspecified distant future?

Oh, Michael, of course. Yes, I will.

Ladies and gentlemen, we're engaged.

Meow.