Original subtitles

Reading cards, folks.

Reading cards?

Reading cards?

Reading cards. Here we are. Here we are.

How about a card, mister?

Pardon me, sir. Could we interest in your nice greeting card?

We write them ourselves.

Maybe your mother has a birthday.

Here's just the thing. Our 77B.

A snob, eh?

Right here.

and salutations, reading cards. Maybe your father has a birthday.

Here's just the thing. Our H2O.

Oh, a snobbish.

We're sorry, mister.

It was unaffordable.

Why don't you look where you're going?

You think you own the sidewalk?

Well, we said we're sorry.

Yeah? Yeah.

Well, if you want to make something out of it, why, go ahead.

I thought you meant that.

I'd like to see you do that once more.

For Pete's sake, take his word for it. He means it.

Where did I get out of here?

I'll fix you if it's the last thing I ever do.

Reason number 22.

Greetings, little shut -in.

Don't you weep or sigh if you're not out...

You'll be out the 4th of July.

if you'd like to buy one for your sweetheart. Or your husband.

Husband?

What's wrong, lady? Come in and sit down.

What happened? I didn't do nothing.

Sit right down over there.

There we are.

Now, what's the weeps all about?

I'm afraid my husband doesn't love me anymore.

Is that all? I thought it was serious.

That's easily fixed.

Why, certainly. All you have to do is to get somebody to make love to you. And

make your husband jealous.

Do you think it would work?

Think.

Certainly. He'll be so jealous, he'll take you right in his arms and kiss you.

Hmm. A pleasure.

Now, listen.

I want you to watch your P's and Q's, you hear?

It's my husband.

Will you gentlemen help me? I see that you're rewarded handsomely. Will we?

Make way for the original Romeo.

operation. We'll work it out scientifically.

Adirondack. One -zell, two -zell, three -zell, zam. The buck -tailed vinegar

tickle and tam.

Scram. The butcher man seesaw buck.

Darling, leave your husband and fly away with us.

You know you love us, not that pickle -puss husband of yours.

Boy,

this reminds me of card number 24.

You're in the army now.

You'll always have your chow. You'll never get rich. I know, I know, but we

don't need any money in the army.

Oh, boy, a bench.

What a life. Nothing to do but live off the fat of the land. And eat and sleep.

That's what you think.

That's what I said. What about it? I didn't say anything.

But I did.

Well, well, well. So we meet again.

Attention!

And that goes for you too!

What do you guys think you're doing? Playing hippity hop at the barber shop?

Now snap into it and march like soldiers. And that goes for you too.

About face.

I won't do it. He don't pay my salary. It's a guy with a beard.

About face.

Forward march.

Comedy attention.

Fall in on that line.

Fall in.

Now listen.

One more break out of you guys and I'm going to hang you. All three of you.

Now I'm going to teach you how to be soldiers whether you like it or not.

Right shoulder, arms.

Left shoulder, arms.

Right shoulder, arms.

Forward, arms.

Dispatchers, arms. Forward, arms. Dispatchers, arms. Right shoulder, arms.

Arms, arms, arms.

Arms, arms, arms.

Arms, left shoulder, arms.

What do you think you're doing?

I'm going to show you how to do the manual of arms.

Forward.

Present arms!

I'll do it just like I did it. Part arms!

Present arms!

Now you always want to get them right between the eyes.

High. Just about here.

See, men? Right about there.

Now then, plant your feet firmly, hold the gun steady, and land...

Sometimes the enemy doesn't give you a chance to use your bayonet. So then you

kill them.

If they haven't surrendered by then, you kick them.

And then you shot them.

But the thing to remember is, the bayonet's your real weapon.

On this bag, I'll show you how to really do away with the enemy.

You lunge high, right between the...

them don't let them get you now then you grab the gun firmly both wrists rigid

your left forearm parallel with the ground then you pivot with your right

and you throw everything you

The shell contains a new type of laughing gas which will render the enemy

helpless. Fire it as soon as I leave.