Original subtitles

Oh, pardon, pardon, comrade.

We, we, we, we, we.

We what?

We should be more careful what we do around here, chiseler.

Gentlemen, my music.

At last, it's finished.

What? My masterpiece.

Now all we got to do is sell it.

Well, we'd better. We haven't got a dime and the landlord is threatening to

throw us out. What is he talking about? We only own for eight months.

First call for lunch.

Boy, food.

I'll take care of the frying pan. You set the table. I'll do the shopping.

Hey,

where'd you

put the eggs?

They're in the oven.

Oh, pardon, pardon.

Oh, oui, oui.

Pardon,

oui, oui, oui, oui.

This ain't good enough for you, huh?

I'll get you nothing.

Hereafter, you'll do your own shopping.

Home?

Up there. He's gone.

He didn't believe me.

So, there is nobody home, huh?

I have asked you for the rent for the last time. You will pay me now, or you

to the Bastille.

Oh, Mr. Giggie, not that.

I promise we'll pay every sou.

I just finished my masterpiece.

Come on, I'll show it to you, Giggie, old boy.

And what you call this?

I should call the maid on a night out winding a grandfather's clock with her

left hand.

Masterpiece.

Fooey.

What do you mean, fooey?

This will be worth a fortune after I'm dead.

I should kill you now and find out.

Can't you take a joke? I was only kidding.

But I am not kidding.

eating no place to sleep. I'm so hungry I could eat a gin dummy.

Yeah, if we were back in America, at least we could join the WPA.

Or the YWCA.

Look.

Foreign Legion.

That's probably the French branch of the American Legion.

And when they find out we belong to the American Legion, they'll send us home in

a tank.

Yeah, we want to go home.

Home? Yeah, both.

Home.

We're going to get it.

He's going to give it to us.

What up?

Oh, I get it. He wants us to sign an IOU.

Come on, what have we got to lose?

Why don't you say so in the first place?

Congratulations, gentlemen.

What did you say?

I say, congratulations.

You just joined the army.

Oh, no, we didn't. I beg your pardon, sir. My mother didn't raise me to be a

soldier.

It shall be done, Captain.

Attention!

The natives have threatened Captain Gorgonzola. I want you men to guard him

with your life. Let no one enter this tent.

You've got nothing to worry about, Captain. You're as safe as though you

your mother's arms with us here.

Thank you, men.

I'm depending upon you.

bayonets. Draw that bayonet.

I can't. It's stuck.

You'd better replace bayonets.

Shoulder, Holmes.

About face. Forward, march.

The captain's been kidnapped.

Kidnapped? The captain.

Where's the captain?

Here, captain. Call the captain.

Call the captain.

Attention.

Why didn't you guard the captain?

Why didn't you guard the captain?

Why didn't you guard the captain?

Why didn't you guard the... You will face a firing squad for this.

Sergeant, give us another chance.

We'll save the captain. Honestly, we will. Remember, your mother and my

are both mothers.

On his father's side.

I shouldn't do this, but I'll give you one more chance.

But if you fail... Don't worry. I bet you buck we bring him back alive.

All right. But you must disguise, as no white man has ever entered the domain of

Simmons. Simmons?

Hmm. I got it. He's got it.

Well, you better have it, or you'll get it.

That's what you think.

Look, we've got a present for you.

What do you know? They

got us locked out.

I'll take a look through that window.

Do not be a fool, Captain.

I'm offering you your life and all this wealth.

If you'll only tell me where the stores of ammunition are hidden.

Never.

The captain's in there all right.

Look, there's an open window.

How am I going to get up there? Shh.

Give me a hand, sock.

What

happened?

You almost killed the sock, what happened?

Oh, you hit Santa Claus.

Just for that, no toys.

Come on, we'll get up there. We'll boost you up. Come on.

Come on.

You're going to start that again?

Give me a foot!

Oh, boy. I'll take the blonde. I'll take the brunette.

I'll take the black and tan. Come on.

Oh, my fair beauty.

Open up thy curtains that I may see your beautiful tits.

Oh,

where you been all my life, Toots?

Down at Toity Toit and Toit Avenue. I just got over.

Oh, Lanceman.

Remember the old pool room?

Yeah. Well, that's a church now.

Not bad.

Now, you're the type... What are you eating, Stingy? Nuts?

No.

Garlic.

I lost the doc.

Pass me and I'll give you a kiss.

I'll find you.

You little cutie.

Where are you?

Say something, cutie, so I can find you. Am I getting warm?

Tell me.

There you are.

Bind him and feed him to the lions.

Yes, sir.

You shan't escape, Captain.

And as for you, freedom, riches, and your choice of the most beautiful of my

hair are death.

Come, let your eyes feast upon the loveliest flowers of the desert.

We have some new arrivals, I see.

Oh, not the matter.

It's us. Come on. We've got to bring it back alive.

Well, it seems like that time, old cat and old kid. Thank you, gentlemen.

We should be decorated for this. You will.

What are you doing, chap?