Original subtitles

Sometimes the world looks perfect

Nothing to rearrange

Sometimes you just get a feeling

Like you need some kind of change

Nothing's going to stand in my way

This flame in my heart like a long lost friend

Gives every dark street a light at the end

Standing tall

On the wings of my dream

Rise and fall

On the wings of my dream

The rain and thunder

The wind and haze

I'm bound for better days

It's my life and my dream

Nothing's gonna stop me now

Well, looks like we're all set for grandpa's visit.

(SNIFFING)

What's that smell?

You made goat lips?

They are the traditional Myposian

grandparent welcoming dish.

(OVEN DINGS)

Oh, don't want them to get too crispy.

And, cousin, I thought after dinner

we take him to the Lithuanian circus.

It's audience participation night.

How is grandpapa Appleton on the high-wire?

Well, hold your Lithuanian horses.

One diggy hot lips, two diggy hot lips

three diggy hot lips, four diggy hot lips.

Mwah, mwah, mwah.

Seven diggy hot lips-- Balki.

Balki, circuses and hot diggy goat lips

are gonna be too much for grandpa.

Well, we're talking about a 76-year-old widower

who doesn't get around so well anymore.

He's a quiet, frail old gentleman

and we have to treat him carefully.

(SIGHS) (KNOCK ON DOOR)

That must be him now.

Hiya, Larry!

Grandpa. (LAUGHING)

You must be Balki.

Well, yes, I am.

(LAUGHING) Whoa!

Thank you, Balki.

Well, it's not grandpa anymore, it's Buzz.

Well, well, well, let's sit down.

Well, gee, it's great to see you, grandpa.

Well, it's good to see you, Larry, uh...

And it's Buzz. Buzz?

What, what's happened? I... I hardly recognize you.

Well, I dropped fifteen pounds and got a new wardrobe.

How do you like these B-ball shoes with the slam dunk pump?

Bodacious, Buzz.

(SNIFFING)

Well, those are my Myposian goat lips

but Cousin Larry say that

that they are too spicy for you, Buzz.

You know I always say, Balki, there is no such thing

as too rich, too thin or too spicy.

And I may say there's no such thing as

too happy, too friendly or too many pigs in your house.

But that's not putting lips in your stomach.

Let me get you some.

You know what I'd really like, Balki, uh...

...is some of that famous deep dish Chicago pizza.

Oh, and, uh, maybe we can catch that Lithuanian circus.

I hear it's in town.

That's a brilliant idea.

I... Isn't it, cousin?

Well, grandpa, wha... What's happened to you?

Uh, you never acted like this before.

I've never been this old before.

Larry, I realize that the few years I have left are precious

and I don't want to waste 'em.

I want to meet some new people, you know, and, uh

have some new experiences.

Went on a cruise, had a terrific time.

Even made a new friend, Sam.

We had so much fun, we decided to get together again.

Sam lives in Chicago, so, here I am.

Well, I, I'm... I'm glad to see you're enjoying yourself

I, um, but I just think, you know, someone your age

should, you know, take things a little slower.

Larry, when you only got a half the time

you gotta go twice as fast.

Where do I bunk?

Oh, you, you're using my room

Well, cousin, Grandpapa Appleton is exactly

the way you described him.

Except for the, the clothes, and the, uh, shoes

and, uh, the way you described him.

I guess we won't be needing the hot water bottle

and the prune juice you bought.

Well, we can return the hot water bottle.

Oh, okay. But the prune juice is for me.

(SIGHS)

(BOTH LAUGHING)

Ah, what a day, what a day, what a day.

Didn't I tell you guys we would have a great time?

Yeah. I loved that wild log ride.

Just like riding the rapids.

Didn't I tell you it would be more fun standing up?

(LAUGHING)

Oh, ho! It's almost 6 o'clock.

Sam will be here any minute.

I gotta pump up my shoes.

(GROANS)

Balki, what am I gonna do with him?

He's my grandfather, he's acting like a teenager

and you're not helping.

All right, cousin, I have had it up to here with you.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with a person

acting as young as they feel.

On Mypos, we always treat the young as if they're old

so that they'll gain wisdom.

And we treat the old as if they are young

so that they'd gain vitality.

Yeah, well, you also treat your pigs to dinner and a movie

so you'll gain acceptance from your livestock.

Well, that is only during the harvest season

and I don't see what that has to do with Buzz?

Balki, sit down.

People know their age and they act their age.

That's how they know what to charge at the movies.

Well, I don't think my best bud Buzz

appreciates being put in a box--

Oh, he is not your best bud Buzz.

Oh, I beg to differ. Excuse me, I beg to butt in.

I beg to butt in. No, he's not you best bud.

Excuse me, excuse me.

I... but... Look...

Excuse me, he is...

Buzz is my bosom buddy, booby.

(INDISTINCT ARGUMENT)

He is my grandfather. I'll deal with him.

This is because you got wet, isn't it?

I told you not to sit in the front of the log.

(KNOCK ON DOOR)

Get the door. You get it.

We'll both get it.

But you go first.

It's probably grandpa's friend.

Oh.

You know...

...hanging around with some old guy his own age

might settle him down.

Hi, I'm Sam Morrison.

Is Buzz here?

You're Sam?

(CHUCKLES) Yeah, Samantha.

Well, come-come on in, come on in, uh... Uh...

Buzz told us all about you. Oh.

Except that you were young and a woman.

Sam. Buzzy.

(LAUGHING)

Goodnight, guys. Sam and I are goin' out and paint the town.

Don't wait up.

Whoo! Whoo!

Well, she is younger than my own mother.

What can he be thinking?

Well, cousin, I'm just a simple Mypiot boy, but...

...even I know what he's thinking.

You couldn't sleep either?

Balki, I am worried about grandpa.

Cousin, Buzz distinctly told you not to wait up.

Balki, it is 2:30 in the morning.

Ow.

Where could he be?

(SNORING)

(SCREAMS)

Where could he be?

Well, cousin... (SIGHS)

...Buzz and Sam probably had a nice, romantic dinner.

A little wine, a moonlight walk by the lake

and before they knew it

one thing led to another, and well...

...they-they found themselves playing Donkey Kong

at the all-night video arcade.

Well, where have you been?

Do you have any idea what time it is?

I have been worried sick.

Well, you are just gonna have to talk about it, mister.

Buzz, didn't you have fun?

Oh, yeah, we had a great evening.

We dined, we danced. Then, she dumped me.

I(STAMMERS) I'm sorry, grandpa.

She said all we had was a shipboard romance.

She said on dry land she didn't feel the Earth move anymore.

She said, "Buzz off, Buzz."

Well...

Well, grandpa, I know how you feel.

I've been dumped a few times myself.

Actually 44.

Forty-five.

Well, maybe everything's worked out for the best.

You think so? I know so.

I mean, the important thing is you have your health.

You have a family that loves you.

Women half your age, nights on the town.

That's... That's for the young and the foolish.

Yeah, you're right, Larry.

There's no fool like an old fool.

I've been trying to be something I'm not... Young.

Oh.

Goodnight, boys.

Well, I think that went pretty well.

Yeah, cousin.

You aged him more in 60 seconds

than Mama Nature did in 76 years.

Cousin, it's a beautiful day.

I've been thinking this is a perfect opportunity

to do something to help Grandpapa Buzz.

Now, we could take him down to the lake

he'd be basking in the sunshine...

(INHALES) Breathing in the fresh air, and in no time at all he'll be--

In the hospital with pneumonia.

Cousin, we have to do something to get Buzz back.

Balki, there is no Buzz.

There's just Beaumont Appleton, my grandfather.

And there is nothing wrong with an elderly man

acting like an elderly man.

Oh. Grandpapa Buzz.

I've got a terrific idea.

Why don't we all go down to the lake.

We can have a nice picnic.

I've got tons of leftover goat lips.

They are great cold.

No. No, no, no, no picnic for me, Balki.

You boys go right ahead.

I'll just stay here and have some weak tea.

Okay, I'll... I'll make it for you.

That's right, grandpa.

We'll just stay here and play checkers!

Like we used to!

Checkers? Yeah, checkers is nice.

Maybe later after my nap.

Just say when?

When.

Oh, I almost forgot.

You do that a lot at my age.

This is for you, Larry.

Copy of my will.

Keep it handy. Just in case.

Well, I hope you're happy.

You took the grand out of grandpapa

and you put the old back into old man.

Balki, grandpa is fine.

He's just using the wisdom of his years

and planning ahead!

La... Larry! Larry!

Do you have a plastic bag for my suit?

I want to keep it clean.

We... Well, grandpa, you're being foolish.

Well, maybe you're right.

No sense wrapping it in plastic.

Maybe I'll just put the thing on and wait it out.

No, no, no. Grand... Grandpapa Appleton, no,

Now listen. That... That's ridiculous.

By the time you're ready to go

this suit will be hopelessly out of style.

Grandpa, when I told you to act your age

I didn't mean for you to lie down and wait to die!

No, no. You were right, Larry. I thought about what you said.

An old man should act his age

and I was acting like an old fool

Uh, listen, Grandpapa Buzz, come on now.

You, you, you just act as young as you feel!

Okay, I feel a 106.

Now, can I lie down?

Balki.

You gotta help me get grandpa back to his old self.

Okay. I know just what grandpapa needs.

He needs to drink from the cup of vitality.

He needs to eat from the fruit bowl of life.

He needs to floss with the string of hope.

How do we do that?

The food is great, and you're gonna love the band.

Now, you have to do exactly as I tell you.

Stand on one foot and cluck like a chicken.

(IMITATING CHICKEN)

I don't see how this is gonna help grandpa.

It isn't. I just like seeing you do it.

(BAND PLAYING INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC)

Well, are you sure this is gonna work?

Cousin, I'm sure. Just trust me.

That curve was a lot higher than it looked.

George!

Opa!

(BOTH SPEAKING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE)

Cousin Larry. Ah!

Opa! Opa! Opa! Opa! George! George! George!

Okay. Okay.

(SPEAKING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE)

Oh!

George, George.

(SPEAKING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE)

Balki, is this a Myposian restaurant?

Well, of course not. Don't be ridiculous.

It's a Greek restaurant.

If it were a Myposian restaurant

there'd be a pig check girl.

(SPEAKING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE)

Opa!

Oh, you're so cute!

Athena! Athena! Let me go, babe.

George!

(SPEAKING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE)

(SPEAKING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE)

Pita bread.

(SPEAKING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE)

Okay, George, George. Okay, okay. Bye-bye, babe.

Oh, hey, grandpa, isn't this place fun?

Huh? Don't you feel alive?

Don't you feel a draft?

Grandpapa, why don't you try some of this?

It will make your taste buds dance!

Oh, no, thanks, Balki.

I don't want to risk staining my-my burial suit.

Here, here, come on, grandpa. Come on! We'll both try 'em!

It looks delicious. Huh?

It'll, it'll be a new experience!

Here. Mmm. Mmm-mmm.

(GASPING)

Balki, are you trying to burn a hole in his stomach?

A man his age can't eat that stuff!

A man my age can't eat that stuff!

Not too bad! Sure clears the sinuses.

(PLAYING GUITAR)

Balki, I-I think we need to switch tables.

(STAMMERS) The music is too much for grandpa.

No, cousin. Grandpa, I think, I think we...

(CHOKING)

Oh, you're so pretty!

(SQUEALING)

(SPEAKING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE)

Come on, grandpa! Oh, no, no.

Come on, grandpa!

Let's face the music and dance!

Balki, I... I don't think we should do this.

The floor is very slippery. We don't know these people!

Grandpapa, look! What a surprise! It's Sofia!

Nice to meet you.

Oh, you too young to be grandpa!

I just call you Buzz.

Balki, what is the matter with you?

Are you out of your mind?

Spicy food, loud music, dancing?

He could have a heart attack!

Now, I don't want to be known

as the one in the family who killed grandpa!

Well, cousin, you're halfway there!

Opa!

Now you see?

That's how accidents happen.

Opa!

Oh, my Lord!

He's lost control of his motor skills.

Now, I'm gonna get him out of here before he gets hurt!

Oh, cousin, calm down, would you please?

Look at him! He's having fun!

I... It sure looks like they're having a lot of fun!

Opa!

Cousin, uh, Grandpapa Buzz seems to feel young again.

How about you? Like this, Larry.,

Thanks, grandpa!

Well, Balki, Looks like Buzz is back.

Thank you.

Oh, no, I-- Yes, you could!

Excuse me.

Look, just like this. Opa!

Oh! Well!

Opa!

(INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC)

(RHYTHMIC CLAPPING)

(CHEERING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE)

Bravo!

WOMAN: Opa! MAN: Opa!

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

(ALL CHEERING)

MAN: Opa!

Opa!