Original subtitles

Sometimes the world looks perfect

Nothing to rearrange

Sometimes you just get a feeling

Like you need some kind of change

No matter what the odds are this time

Nothing's gonna stand in my way

This flame in my heart

It's like a long lost friend

Gives every dark street

A light at the end

Standing tall

On the wings of my dreams

* Rise and fall

On the wings of my dreams

The rain and thunder

The wind and haze

I'm bound for better days

My life

My dream

My life

My dream

Nothing's gonna stop me now

Nothing's gonna stop me now

While Larry adores the minuet

The Ballet Russes and the Crepe Suzette

But Balki like to rock 'n' roll

The hot dog makes him lose control

What a wild duet

Still they're cousins

Hi, cousin.

If you're hungry, there's some din-din machmud

on the bottom shelf.

What's "Din"

Pig snout with saffron.

No, thank you.

I'm on a low-saffron diet.

Mmm.

What's this?

I'm doing a Myposian lint painting.

On Mypos, we waste nothing.

Interesting story. The first one...

The first one was done by Brektos

our spiritual leader, in the storybook days.

And the legend says that he went up on the mountain

for 60 day and 60 night

to contemplate his navel.

And when he came down...

He had a lint painting.

We've been doing it ever since.

How do you like it?

Uh, well, uh, what can I say?

You could hang this

under any rug in the world.

Oh, cousin, oh...

You don't mean that. Oh, I do.

Thank you.

Because I see you take all these pictures for the photo contest

and it makes me want to do something creative too.

Well, I'm glad one of us benefited from all my hard work.

What the matter?

Yes.

None of 'em.

What?

You're not going to enter the photo contest?

Uh, who am I kidding?

The Chicago Gazette photo contest

is one of the most prestigious there is.

It was just a crazy dream.

I thought if I won my photo-journalism career

would have been launched.

Well, it would be nice if you were launched.

It would have been wonderful.

You've been taking pictures for three months.

You must have a hundred here.

A hundred and six.

And they all stink.

No, they don't.

They are very, very good.

Balki, very, very good will not win this contest.

I need that one special picture.

I need something extraordinary.

Something that will make the heart of man leap within him.

Something that sums up the meaning of life.

You know what I mean?

Well, of course I do.

Don't be ridiculous.

You need something...

A little different.

Yes, that's right.

Well, what about this one of the, of the kitty cat

being carried away by the big bird?

That's different.

Balki, look at the kitty cat's face.

What do you see?

Fear.

Sure. Sure, you see fear.

But the keen eye of the photographer sees a kitty cat

with three whiskers on the left side of his face

and two on the right.

There's no symmetry.

Okay.

What about this one of the fireman catching the baby

that was thrown from the burning building?

Why am I even talking to you about this?

You probably don't even have photographers on Mypos.

Well, no, we don't.

But we have a guy named Nicholai

who has a very good memory.

Whenever we have a fire

Well, good.

Why don't we enter Nicky in the contest?

He's got a better chance than me.

I see what you're doing.

You had a crazy dream

and you spent three months taking pictures.

And now with only one day left

you're just going to roll over and die?

That's basically what I had in mind, yes.

Well, let me tell you a story

about an immigrant boy

who had a crazy dream to come to America.

Wait... He got on the tramp steamer.

Wait... Tramp, tramp, tramp.

Wait, I've heard this story.

It's not gonna do you any good.

I'm feeling sorry for myself.

If you were a real friend, you'd join in.

Well, I do feel sorry for you.

Poor little, Larry Appleton.

He could have been a great photographer

but he'll never know

because he gave up.

Oh, I hate it when you do this.

In the years to come

you'll look back on what you might have been

and you'll remember that your best buddy, Balki, said

"Keep trying, Larry Appleton."

But you didn't.

Can't you just let me accept failure?

Over my dead battery.

All right, all right, I don't know what I'm gonna find

in just one day, but I'll give it a shot.

Now you're talking, turkey.

Now we are so happy, we do the dance of joy.

Balki, Balki.

Why don't we hold up on that?

At least let me find a picture.

Cousin, somewhere out there is the perfect picture.

I know it.

And you're going to find it.

Yeah, yeah.

And pigs can fly.

That would make a great picture.

The man just needed a little push.

Thank you.

Larry, guess what? I got your mail again.

It's an easy mistake.

I'm in 302, you're in 203.

Perhaps the mailman has lysdexia.

That's dyslexia.

Is that it?

I always get that word turned around.

So, did you send a picture for the photo contest yet?

No, but I'm going to.

I was gonna give up, but Balki wouldn't let me.

Sure enough, I found the perfect shot.

I'm gonna take it this afternoon.

What is it?

Well, It's a little church

with a cross on the steeple

but that's not the shot.

I am so proud of myself.

There's not a photographer in a million

who would have even seen the shot.

At exactly 6:02

and a shaft of light hits the cross

turning it this... This brilliant gold.

And it glows like something supernatural.

It only lasts for a second and then it's gone.

It's beautiful. Yeah, churches are nice.

See ya.

Hi. Hi.

Cousin, I'm, I'm sorry I'm late

but wait until you hear why.

Mrs. Twinkacetti asked me to move some furniture in her house

and behind the dresser, I found a gold mine in dust balls.

Forget the dust. Mmm-hmm.

You were right, I did it.

I found the award-winning photograph.

Oh, cousin, I'm so happy for you.

It's a little church with a cross on the steeple

but that's not the shot.

I am so proud of myself.

There is not a photographer in a million

who would have even seen the shot.

Wait a minute.

between two tall buildings and casts a shaft of light

on the cross that makes it glow a brilliant gold

as if it has taken on a life all of its own, is it?

Well, it's the angle that's important.

What I'm gonna have to do is...

Get on the roof of the building across the street.

The address is 2... 2831 Garfield.

Can I tell this? Oh, well, I wish you would.

I have to get the shot this afternoon

otherwise, the jig is up.

I'm gonna have to get the owner's permission

Balki, I have this contest in the bag.

I'm on my way to the good life.

What means "The good life?"

It means the, uh...

Good... Life.

Wow.

I am so happy for you.

Now, we can do the dance of joy.

You bet.

Da, di, da, da, da Da, di, da, da, da

Hey, hey, hey Hey, hey, hey

Hey Hey

Fred and Ginger, front and center.

my lovely children at my less than lovely mother-in-law's.

Appleton, this is what I want you to do.

I'll get there around 4:00.

Call my wife and tell her the store is on fire.

That way I gotta come back

See ya. Uh, Mr. Twinkacetti.

I can't tell your wife there's a fire in the store.

Right, I've used that excuse before.

Tell her the turnip locked himself in the safe.

Who wouldn't believe that?

I can't tell her that either. What is it?

Make something up, Appleton!

Listen, cousin... Not now, Balki.

Mr. Twinkacetti

I will not lie to your wife for you.

Appleton, someday, you will want something from me

and no matter how small that something is

my response will be a well-known gesture.

You know that building you want to get on the top of

so you can take the picture of the church?

Yes. The one...

I know it well, yes. What about it?

It's Mr. Twinkacetti's house.

Oh, don't cry. All right.

That was easy.

Balki

you and I are gonna get on that roof

and we are going to get that picture

even if it kills us.

BALKI: Cousin, can... Can you give me a hand?'

I... I don't like this.

We're not supposed to break into somebody's house.

We're not breaking into Twinky's house

we're breaking onto his house.

Besides, he's not even home.

Just try to act like you belong here.

How do I act like I belong on a roof?

Will you stop worrying?

We'll be off of here in five minutes.

The roof is pretty steep. I hadn't noticed.

Balki, get that for me, would you?

I don't think so.

Cousin, I don't understand.

You're the one that's afraid of heights.

You scream if you stand up in the bathtub.

Balki, I have to get this picture.

My whole future depends on it.

Nothing's gonna stop me.

There are no obstacles and absolutely nothing can go wrong.

I know that nothing can possibly go wrong

but have you noticed that it's getting a little windy?

It's a little breezy.

Fortunately, I have everything in my camera bag

that you could possibly need in a photographic emergency.

Here, hold this.

Sandbags.

We can't have the tripod blowing off in the wind now can we?

Well, of course we can't.

Don't be ridiculous.

What about me blowing off the roof?

You're not in a photographic emergency.

I'm human!

That's not good enough. Just hang on.

We'll be off here in two minutes.

Okay, give me the camera.

Balki, give me the camera.

No.

I have the camera

and I say we get off the roof.

Balki...

Give me that camera.

Uh-uh.

Oh, look, there's the Wicked Witch of the West.

Where?

Ha-ha!

You tricked Balki.

There was no witch. Ha!

No way am I getting off this roof now.

No, I've taken this shot a thousand times in my head.

I've planned every minute detail.

Where'd that chimney come from?

I bet it came with the house.

What idiot architect would put a chimney

where it blocks the view of the beautiful church?

Where have all the good craftsmen gone?

Maybe, they got blown off the roof.

You have plenty of good pictures at home.

If I can get on top of the chimney

I can still get my shot.

No, cousin, cousin.

Cousin. Cousin, will you...

Whoa! Whoa.

Yeah, hi, Ralph.

Yeah, I can make it to the card game after all.

I told my wife the turnip got locked in the safe

and she bought it.

Who wouldn't? See you at 8:00.

Balki, help, I'm in trouble here.

Help! Hush.

Never hush a man who's hanging by his fingertips.

Help! Help!

Mr. Twinkacetti's home. Help, help.

Cousin, we have to get off the roof

before Mr. Twinkacetti catches us.

Later.

If I hold on to this TV antenna

I can hold the camera in one hand

and lean out past the chimney.

But, you know that picture of the kitty cat

is looking better all the time.

I can see it.

You know, I'm getting an optical illusion.

It looks as if the church is getting closer and closer.

Cousin. Cousin, the antenna is bending.

Come back here. No, no.

I've got to get this shot.

one, zero.

Minus one, minus two, mi...

Where is the shaft of light?

Where is the sun?

Maybe, it's behind those big black clouds over there.

Cousin, don't panic. Just slowly come back here.

Oh, the weather report said it was supposed to be sunny.

Now the picture is gone. What am I gonna do?

Cousin, just to get an idea of where you are

you might look down.

At least now we're talking on the same channel.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

All right, you didn't get your picture

now we get off the roof.

I can't.

I just remembered

I'm afraid of heights.

Well, you picked a fine time to... To remember that.

Okay, okay, okay.

Okay, we're going to wait until it gets dark

and then you won't see how far down it is.

Did I mention I'm afraid of the dark?

Cousin. Cousin, do... Don't do that.

Cousin, uh, it's dark now. We can get off the roof.

I can't believe it.

I didn't get my picture.

This is all Twinkacetti's fault.

Boy, the next time I see him, he's in trouble.

What are you two doing up on my roof?

Mr. Twinkacetti, this is all my fault.

That goes without saying.

I was trying to get a picture of the church

for my photo contest.

But he didn't get the picture.

Cry me a river! Okay.

Now get off my roof. Okay

BOTH: The ladder!

Now I'm stuck up here and it's your fault!

My fault?

You wouldn't be up here

like you were supposed to be.

Tarzan on my antenna.

I wouldn't have had to if you'd put your chimney

on the right side of your house where it belongs.

I'm gonna put my fist where it belongs.

No, wait, Mr. Twinkacetti.

Stop, stop, stop.

Will you stop? Whoa!

Whoa. Let go. Let go.

We've got to stop fighting

and find a way to get off the roof.

What did you have in mind?

Help!

Save your voice.

No one can hear you because their windows are closed.

And do you know why their windows are closed?

Because it's starting to freeze?

What else could possibly go wrong?

It was a rhetorical question.

You know, this... This might be a good chance for us to just

chat and get to know one another.

I'm gonna throw the turnip off the roof.

And if we're lucky, he'll drag himself to get help.

If we're unlucky, we're still lucky.

Yeah.

What was that? Thunder.

Ah, I hate thunder.

You know, there's something aesthetically

pleasing about your face

when you're terrified.

I want my wife. Edwina! Edwina!

That's great. I think I got your face framed by lightning.

Ooh, you're cruel, Appleton. No, I'm not.

Oh, oh, hold that whimper. Yes.

Ahhh!

What's that? I don't know.

Is this another TV antenna? It's a lightning rod!

That... That draws lightning?

It's a real good one, too.

If we stay up here, we'll die.

TOGETHER: Help! Help!

Help! Help!

"Larry Appleton, 10th place."

Yeah, I'm good, all right.

I even helped somebody else win first prize.

But I think it was very nice of someone

to take that picture of the fireman

rescuing us from the roof.

It's a terrific picture, if you call that composition.

Cousin, you won 10th place.

That's wonderful.

Well, thank you for making me keep trying.

And for helping me get the picture.

And for saving your life.

That too.

Cousin, I couldn't let you quit.

Or die.

And if you see me giving up, you must stop me too.

That's what friends do for each other.

Why don't we go down to Curly's newsstand

and buy every newspaper he has to send to everyone you know?

Just like the time Mary Anne got her picture in the paper

because she got her head stuck in a chain-link fence.

That was her hair.

Balki, I don't need to buy newspapers

because I... I don't need to brag.

But this is a great accomplishment.

You should be proud.

The important thing is that I know.

Wow.

You're some humble guy.

Balki.

A lot of it was blind luck.

I didn't get the picture I was after.

Yes, but if you hadn't risked your life and mine

trying to get the picture of the church

framed by lightning.

It is pretty good, isn't it?

Good Yeah.

Good?

What was the question?

The picture. It's... It's pretty good.

Well, of course it is. Don't be ridiculous.

And I'll tell you what.

To celebrate I'm gonna take you

to your favorite place.

Not the petting zoo? You got it.

Oh, boy!

Are you going to ride the camel with me this time?

No. The camel always spits at me.

Can I chase the chickens?

No, you can't chase the chickens.

Question.

Am I wrong, or is that closet full of newspapers?

Not full.

Only head-high.

Oh, I see.

All right, so I got a few for my family

friends.

And a lot for my enemies.

High school graduation class

Time, Life...