Original subtitles

[beachy music]

[Christmas music]

[gong]

[adventure music]

[explosions]

[explosions]

[knock]

- Charlie, time to go to the park.

- Okay, Aunt Ting.

[moves to silence]

["Jingle Bells" in Chinese]

[Ting chuckles]

Arr, ya swine.

I'll have ya walk the plank before I'm done with ya.

Ya need a good keelhauling as well.

Aunt Ting, I'm a pirate just like Black Bart.

- Yes, you are.

Except you're a good pirate.

- Arr.

- [Aunt Ting] A very good one.

Hey, Charlie, we need to talk.

Can you come and sit with me for a few minutes?

- Okay.

- You know how we talked about

your dad coming to visit, right?

- Yeah, he's bringing me an iPad,

we're gonna finish our model ship together and --

- Your dad's not coming.

- What are you saying?

- When your dad left you with me, after your mom died,

and he moved to Los Angeles in the United States,

we both knew it wasn't gonna be forever.

So ...

Yeah, I have to go back to the university

and I have to pursue my master's degree,

so I'm not gonna be able to take care of you anymore.

- [Charlie] I'm gonna miss you so much, Aunt Ting.

So much.

- But you know your father misses you

very much as well and ...

And he loves you very much and you belong with him so ...

Anyway, I will see you this Christmas

because I'm planning a trip there,

so maybe you can show me around Hollywood.

[Ting giggles]

[whimsical music]

["Jingle Bells"]

- Charlie!

Charlie, you're going to be late for school.

- School is boring.

- What would Santa say about that?

- [Charlie] Diana, stop it with the Santa stuff.

I know he isn't real, okay?

- Charlie, don't call me Diana.

It's mom to you.

- Yeah, just have it your way, Diana.

- [Diana] Have a good day at school!

- Have you played the submarine base level yet?

- The one where you're a sniper?

- Yeah, you also get to play a UAV that shoots rockets.

- There's a rocket launcher that shoots rockets

in Battlefield of Glory 3 too.

- Cool!

- Cool.

- Oh, iPads are so neat.

- My dad's getting me one for Christmas.

- My mom says that if I'm good and keep my room clean,

Santa would bring me one for Christmas too.

- Santa?

- Really, dude?

- Where do presents come from then?

- Mostly from Amazon and Toys'R'Us.

- My mom likes to shop at Target.

- [Blonde boy] That's stupid.

I mean, whenever Santa leaves our house,

the cookies I left for him are gone.

If he doesn't eat them, then who does?

- Your dad, stupid.

That's why he's so fat.

- I'm gonna tell my dad on you.

- Just go ahead.

- Look, George, does your mom ever take

you to the mall to see Santa?

- She took me last Christmas.

- Don't tell me you thought that was the real Santa Claus?

- No, it was one of his helpers.

- Look, George, they're just regular guys hired by the mall.

I'm older than you and I know these things.

Well the school bus is late again.

Oh yeah, I'm gonna walk home through Hollywood today.

Do you guys wanna join me?

- I can't, I'm takin' the bus.

- I can't, my mom's taking me to the mall to see Santa.

["Deck the Halls"]

- So we had a really good summer.

It's just been a bit slow through the fall.

- A bit slow, Sam?

You missed this month's loan payment.

- I have the first half of November's payment

and the rest will be in in a few days.

Just a month behind.

- Appreciate the gesture, Sam,

but half a payment doesn't cover what ya owe.

After discussing the matter with my partners at the bank,

we've made a decision to call in your bank loan.

- Call in?

What do you mean?

- It means we're gonna close the restaurant.

We're gonna close it this afternoon.

I want ya out of there today.

And if you're not, well, I'm gonna send

Little Stevie over here to pay a visit

and that will not be a pleasant experience

for you, I guarantee it.

- We only just need a bit more time.

- [Man with tie] You're all out of time, Sam.

The bank has repossessed the place.

- Can you at least wait till after Christmas?

- Christmas, Christmas.

Christmas is just another day, Sam, just like any other.

Now if you don't mind, I need to get back to work.

- But I ...

- Out today, Sam.

Sam!

Have a great day.

[laughs]

[Christmas music]

- Here, Chester.

Okay, here.

Dad, why are you home so early?

Is there a problem at the restaurant?

- Everything's fine.

Don't worry about that, okay?

- We'll talk about it later.

- Yeah, just go to your room, okay?

- [Diana] Charlie!

Charlie, dinner!

- So, Charlie, how was school today?

- George still believe in Santa Claus so we made fun of him.

- Charlie, that's mean.

- Only babies believe in Santa Claus.

- Are you just going to let this go?

- Look, Charlie, it's not nice to make fun of other kids

regardless of what they believe.

It's called bullying.

- But there isn't any Santa!

- You can't make fun of somebody's beliefs, Charlie.

- Shut up, Diana, you're not even my real mom.

- [Diana] Charlie!

- Go to your room.

- Diana's teriyaki chicken is terrible anyway!

- I'm sorry.

[harp music]

Hey, buddy, you missed dessert.

It's your favorite, strawberry ice cream.

'kay, more for me then.

- What happened at the restaurant today?

- Remember when I took out a loan

at the bank to open up the restaurant?

- Yeah.

- [Sam] Well, when you take out a loan from the bank,

you have to pay it back every month or they can take away

the thing that you got the loan for.

- Like the restaurant?

- Exactly like the restaurant.

I missed a month payment and they took my restaurant away.

- Then you don't own the restaurant anymore?

- No.

- What are you gonna do for a job then?

- I don't know.

But we're gonna be okay, okay?

We're just gonna have to change

a few things for a little bit.

We're gonna have to have a smaller Christmas,

and that means fewer presents and things.

- Oh, okay.

- And if we're gonna get through this,

we've got to come together as a family,

and that means respecting your new mother.

- She is not my mom!

My mom is gone.

- When someone dies, you don't get to die too.

You have to move on.

- I miss her.

- [Sam] I miss her too.

And I love your new mother very much.

- [Charlie] I don't.

- I don't expect you to, but I do expect you to respect her.

- Okay, I'll apologize.

- [Sam] Good, that's very good.

But you were very mean to her

so you're gonna have to be punished.

I know you have the next week coming up off from school

because of Christmas, so on Friday after school,

you're gonna go over to your Uncle Bart's

house to help him clean it up.

- Dad, that's the day before Christmas Eve!

- [Sam] Don't dad me.

I don't care if it's before Christmas or after Christmas,

you're going over to your Uncle Bart's house.

He needs help to clean it up.

- But Uncle Bart is weird, grumpy, and smells funny.

- Your Uncle Bart is getting a little older,

but respect means respecting your uncle too.

Alright.

["God Rest Ye Merry, Gentlemen"]

[adventure music]

- Ooga, booga! [Charlie screams]

That is how they say hello in the Amazon jungle.

- You scared me.

- Scared you?

- That mask!

- A witch doctor from the Kogi tribe

gave this to me as a gift.

I never thought of it as being scary.

Aye, the winds whisper that ya been a naughty lad.

- [Charlie] Yeah, that's what my dad said.

- Then it must be true, Master Charles.

This humble abode is in desperate need

of a young man's ministrations.

- What?

- It's time to clean the house.

Don't touch that!

- Why not?

- Well, bad things could happen.

Or good things.

Or bad and good things.

- But it's just a watch.

- Aye, nothing is ever as it seems, Master Charles.

Watches are not just watches

in the right hands or the wrong hands.

Charles, don't touch that either!

Never open strange doors, laddie.

Ya never know where they might lead.

Only open a door when you know where you're goin'.

Do you know where you're goin'?

- No.

- Then step away from there.

- Then what am I supposed to do?

- Come on out back to my little garden.

The fresh juice of a lemon

and fresh air will brighten your day.

- And no Christmas presents.

That's what my dad said.

- Aye, these be tough times for ya, laddie.

Tougher than any hurricane or gale I've ever lived through.

Arr.

- I know, it's just I just wish I could help.

- Like how?

- [Charlie] Like help my dad get his restaurant back.

The bank took it away.

That means the bank can give it back, right?

- Aye, banks are never one to give back

once they have their grip on what ya got.

That's why I keep me pension in my sea chest

down in old Port Royal, Jamaica.

- My dad always said that he thought you were a pirate.

Or you thought you were.

- Aye, there's no thinking about it.

Either you arr or you arren't.

- That's a bad joke.

- Are we here to swap tales, laddie?

Or are we here to fix your problem?

- How are you gonna fix my problem?

- I'm not, but I may know someone who will for a price.

- Who?

- [Uncle Bart] His name is old St. Nick.

- Santa Claus?

- Aye, yes, sir.

- Everyone knows that there's no such thing as Santa Claus.

- What did you say?

- [Charlie] Santa Claus is kid's stuff.

It's made up.

- Come with me.

[adventure music]

- What's this?

- Aye, this is my diary from a perilous expedition

to the North Pole.

- Mom never said anything about this.

- She never knew.

This expedition happened many years before she was born.

- What happened?

- Arr, let's open it and have a look.

- I can't read it.

- It's written in a language called Low Elvish.

- What's that?

- Just the opposite of High Elvish.

- And what's that?

- Well it's a special language that's

spoken between Santa and the elves.

One that even I have difficulty with.

Let's go and turn the page and see what's goin' on here.

I was on a journey to prove or disprove

the existence of a certain man.

I journeyed far and encountered many dangers along the way.

And I finally found him, the jolly old elf himself.

- You found Santa Claus?

- [Uncle Bart] Aye, and we became fast friends.

- [Charlie] My dad always said that you were a little crazy.

- So ya think I'm crazy, do ya?

- More like a little different.

- Have ya written to Santa about this problem of yours?

- What's the point?

- If ya write a letter to Santa and explain your dilemma,

ya won't have to sweep the floor.

- Really?

- Aye, here ya go.

- Dear Santa, the bank has closed my dad's restaurant.

All I want for Christmas is

for my dad to get his restaurant back.

- Love, Charlie.

There ya go.

- Hey!

- Well how else is it supposed to get to Santa?

Hello, Sam.

No, no, no, Charlie's being a good boy.

Turns out I'm gonna need him for at least another day.

Aye, the brig is in shambles.

This place is a mess and I thought that

him and I could do a little bonding.

Don't worry, Sam, I'll have him home in time for Christmas.

Oh yeah, and by the way, throw him a change of clothing

in a duffel bag and send it over later on tonight.

Aye, okay.

Have a nice night, bye bye.

[whimsical music]

- [Charlie] Uncle Bart, Santa answered!

He might be real after all.

- Arr, I never doubted it, lad.

- But it's in that weird language.

I couldn't really read it.

- Yeah, I can't read Elvish either.

Here, hold this a minute.

Take the book and figure it out.

Let's go inside.

["God Rest Ye Merry, Gentlemen"]

It says here that Santa has granted you

an audience to plead your case.

- So that means my dad will get his restaurant back?

- Not exactly, but at least you

have the opportunity to ask him.

- Well, at least I get to see him.

- The journey will be difficult, Master Charles.

You face three challenges.

You must restore the Christmas spirit in three people.

- Which three?

- He doesn't say.

He never says.

Ya got any ideas?

- Closing down our restaurant right before Christmas

wasn't really a Christmasy thing to do.

- Aye, I agree.

- What about that guy?

- I like it, an evil banker.

Capital idea.

- I bet if we go to the bank we can find him.

- Classic idea.

Our quest begins!

Tally-ho!

- Are we driving the van to see Santa?

- Nay, laddie.

If you accomplish your mission, your task,

a very special vessel will take you

to the North Pole to see Santa Claus.

- You said we needed three people.

- Aye, three to be precise.

- Hmm, so the banker is one.

We need to find two more.

- I figured after my experience as a world

traveler explorer, that whenever you embark up on a journey,

no matter how perilous or how long,

everything eventually falls into place, aye.

- You've done this before then?

- Aye, adventures, quests, to save Christmas

or Easter or some such?

Aye, many times over the years, laddie.

- You don't believe in the Easter Bunny, do ya?

- Believe?

I've actually met the rascal.

- Come on.

- He's not the little fuzzy, funny

little bunny you might think he is.

He's more of a, how should I say,

temperamental, grouchy old rabbit.

Here, take it.

- What's this for?

- Arr, keep it close to ya, laddie.

Ya just might need it, arr.

[engine starts]

["We Wish You a Merry Christmas"]

Aye, we have a flat tire, lad.

I suspect treachery.

[weird noises]

- Who is in there?

Come on out and I won't hurt you.

[screaming]

[screaming]

[magical music]

Pretty good gag, huh?

[Charlie screams]

Oh, oh, ah, ah, ah, oh, ah!

Stop, stop it, stop it!

- [Uncle Bart] Aye, treachery, I knew it.

I knew it!

I've been expecting you, spirit.

- Expecting me?

You know who sent me?

And how many times have I told you

I'm not a spirit, I'm an elf?

- [Uncle Bart] Well take this can of inflator, elf.

Fix that tire and get us back on the road!

Hurry up!

- So who are you and why were you eating my peanut butter?

- [Elf] Because I was hungry.

Don't be a stupid plunker.

- Eric, language, watch it.

- What does plunker mean?

- Charlie, plunker's a very, very

bad word where he comes from.

- I'm one of Santa's elves, see,

and I'm being punished because last year I had

a little too much Christmas cider, flew the sleigh right

into the House of Parliament in London.

Not good.

Don't recommend it.

- So you speak Elvish?

- I do actually.

Well thank you very much.

♪ [lyrics] Here comes Santa Claus,

♪ here comes Santa Claus, right down Santa -- ♪

- Hey, he said Elvish.

- [Eric] Oh, sorry.

Thought you were referring to the king

of rock and roll, Elvish Presley.

But I do speak Elvish.

- So what's with the bathrobe, flip flops, and shower cap?

- Well I was taking a nice long shower, see,

singing some Christmas carols, Santa pops in says,

"You got to go right now and help the lad."

That's why I'm here.

You can imagine my surprise

when Santa jerked open the shower curtain.

- [Uncle Bart] Master Charles and I are here on a quest

to show three people the spirit of Christmas

so Charles can see Santa.

- Yes, I know, because I was sent to help you, remember?

Part of my punishment.

- Aye.

- So the guy who runs the bank

took my dad's restaurant away.

- Now he's a plunker if I ever saw one.

- Eric, language, and I'm not gonna tell you again.

- He hears worse in school every day.

- I don't care.

- And the other two?

- We'll pick them up as we go along the journey.

- Well I fear you'll have no luck there

because the spirit of Christmas is gone!

- [Charlie] You're awfully loud.

- Thank you.

I often do Shakespeare in the park on my days off.

- So why do you say the spirit of Christmas is gone?

- Well, with this.

Come on, I'll show ya.

["Oh Come All Ye Faithful"]

[Eric whistles "Jingle Bells"]

- [Uncle Bart] So do you come here often, Eric?

- [mumbling]

- Are you boys all set?

What can I get for you?

- Aye, I'll have a grog, my lady.

- You're cute.

- I'll have a Sprite.

- And I will have an appletini.

- Yeah, but what do you want to drink?

- As I said, an appletini.

That's an apple flavored martini.

- [Voiceover] Hey.

It takes a brave man to come into my bar wearing a dress.

- It's a robe.

- [chuckles] Right.

And ordering an apple martini?

But customer's always right.

One apple martini.

Even if he is wearing a dress.

- I said robe.

- Thank you.

- [Uncle Bart] My.

- [Eric] Cheers, lads.

- Mmm.

- [Eric] Mmm.

Ooh, that's good.

- 'Course it is, I made it.

- Hey, mister, what's your name?

- [Bartender] My name?

Joe Vega.

You, kid, you can call me Joe.

What's your name?

- Charlie.

- Hello, Charlie.

- So what do you do exactly?

- Charlie, I'm the bartender.

I run a tight ship here.

I throw the bums out when they misbehave.

Not a great job but it's a job.

How 'bout you, kid?

Where you headed?

- [Charlie] We're on an adventure.

We're going to see Santa Claus.

- [Joe] Ah, 'kay.

Well you know what?

There's a mall right up the street.

You'll find him there.

- No, the real one.

Those ones are fake ones.

We're gonna teach three people the spirit of Christmas.

- Ah, yeah, yeah, great, great.

How 'bout you?

- [Uncle Bart] Aye, I'm here to assist

Master Charles on his quest.

- [Joe] And you?

- I was also sent to assist.

And I like appletinis.

- Yeah.

- Boy, you are a strange bunch of guys.

It takes all types I guess.

[Joe chuckles]

- [Charlie] So do you believe in Santa?

- I don't want to hurt your feelings kid, but nope.

- [Charlie] No, it's okay, most grownups don't.

I'm not even sure I do.

- Well count me in the majority then.

You know somethin', kid?

Christmas is just a day.

Just like any other day.

You need to learn that.

- You hate Christmas, don't ya?

- Yeah, with a passion.

I think it's time you guys left.

I'll pick up the tab.

You've been great entertainment.

See ya.

- You see, I was right.

Everybody hates Christmas.

- [Uncle Bart] Aye, not everyone.

Gentlemen, I think it's time we take our leave.

- It's alright.

- Hey, Charlie, hold on.

I want you to do something for me.

I want you to take this note to my daughter.

She works at a free clinic in North Hollywood

between Burbank and Victory Boulevard.

Her name is Charlotte.

Now, kid, you want me to like Christmas?

Then do this for me.

- Come with us, you can give it to her yourself.

- No, that's not a very good idea.

- [Uncle Bart] I don't really think it's a good idea either.

I think it's a capital idea!

- Come with us, we could help you.

- Charlie, why?

Why is this so important to you?

- [Charlie] Because I gotta save Christmas for my family

and the only way I can do that is

by teaching three people the spirit of Christmas.

- That's insane.

- So?

Just come with us.

- Come on.

- Ahh, alright, alright, I'll come, alright.

Just give me a second.

You're gonna give her that.

Hey, babe.

Cover my shift for me?

I've got some stuff I gotta do.

- Yeah, I'll get right on that.

- Alright, let's go.

- [Uncle Bart] Come on, let's do it.

[engine not starting]

- Give me a moment, lads,

I think I've got this problem figured out.

- Great mode of transportation, eh?

Almost as bad as that old sleigh of Santa's.

- So what are you, man?

Hmm?

An angel?

- I am an elf of Christmas present.

Angels are completely different really.

They can be quite stuck-up and snobbish.

- [Charlie] So why did your family leave you?

- I've done some things I'm not proud of, kid.

Used to be in a gang.

We stole cars.

- That's not nice.

- [Joe] No, it's not, but I did it anyway

because I didn't have any other way of making money.

Wasn't too good at it though.

- You got caught?

- [Joe] Oh yeah.

I got caught and they sent me to the state pen.

- They sent you a pen?

- No, kid, the pen.

Prison.

I was sent to prison for 10 years.

They released me on Christmas Eve.

By then my wife was gone.

She sent me a Dear John letter.

[engine not starting]

We got divorced when I was still in prison.

I thought I'd still have my daughter but she was gone too.

I looked for her and the one time I found her,

she told me she didn't want to have anything to do with me.

- [Charlie] I don't really think she meant that.

I get mad at my dad sometimes.

Once I even told him I hated him.

I didn't really mean that.

- Right, Charlie.

You know sometimes it just doesn't work that way, kid.

That's my story.

- Avast, I think I've solved it.

We're off!

- [Eric] [mumbling]

[engine starting]

- [Charlie] What's your daughter's name?

- [Joe] Charlotte.

Hi.

- Name?

- Charlie.

- Last name?

- We don't actually have an appointment.

- Fill this out.

- We're here to talk to Charlotte.

- [Secretary] Doctor Vega?

- Doctor?

- [Secretary] She's very busy.

There's no personal visits during clinic hours.

- But it's important.

- No, it's okay.

- No it's not.

My tummy hurts and Charlotte is the only

doctor that can make it better.

- [Secretary] Look, I'm sorry.

- No, my tummy hurts and Charlotte

is the only doctor that can make it better!

- Charlie, it's okay.

We'll come back later. - [Charlie] No, my tummy!

- Okay!

Settle down.

Just come with me.

- [Joe] That was pretty good, kid.

You ought to be an actor when you grow up.

- Hi, Charlie.

I'm Charlotte.

It says here that your tummy hurts.

- Nah, that's what grownups call a ruse.

I came to give you this.

- I don't understand.

- Hi, Charlotte.

- How dare you come in here?

- I just want to talk.

- Get out!

- [Joe] Look, I needed to see you.

I don't know what to say.

- I do.

You can take your son and you can get out!

- He's not my son.

I just picked him up off the street.

- You just grabbed some child off the street?

- Please listen.

- No, no!

Get out!

Go!

- Charlotte.

- Get out.

You go.

[Charlotte sobs]

- Aye, the sassiest winter I ever knew

was in the island of Curacao in the Caribbean.

I mean the sassiest by far.

- Bart, have you heard the phrase,

"Christmas comes but once a year"?

- Aye.

- You know what else comes but once a year?

- Nay.

- Talk like pirate day.

- Arr, that's every day for me, laddie.

Arr.

[Uncle Bart and Eric laugh]

How did it go and where's Master Charles?

- It didn't go too good.

Charlie's still inside.

You.

I need you to do me a favor.

If you go back in there, give this to my girl.

Hmm?

Please?

And, dude, lose the dress.

It's confusing!

- Well you're no fashion statement!

[sigh]

- What?

- What are you eating?

- It's called a glue stick

or goo stick or somethin' like that.

It's got a perfect blend of electrolytes, sugars.

It's for marathons and stuff like that.

Really good.

- Murphy, we're in a car, not in a marathon.

- Yeah, so what?

- So you haven't run a half a mile in four years.

[Murphy chuckles]

- But come on, Ed, I can't let my electrolytes drop.

- Or what's gonna happen?

- You want to get into what's gonna happen?

Trust me, I let my electrolytes drop, it ain't pretty, man.

I'm tellin' ya it ain't pretty.

I need my electrolytes.

- Or what, you're gonna explode?

- Look over there.

That does not look like your average citizen.

- Well I'll be, I don't believe it.

- You know him?

- Yep, stop him.

- Stop right there, convict.

- I'm just walkin'.

- [Murphy] It's okay.

- I'm just walking.

- [mumbling] up against the wall.

- I'm not doing anything.

- Remember me, stranger?

- [Murphy] Come on.

- [Ed] How ya doin', huh?

Get against the wall.

- I'm walking.

I'm just walking.

- [Ed] Yeah, whatever.

Your parole officer and I told ya

never come to this side of town ever again.

And we both told ya your privileges were revoked.

- I did something stupid, alright?

- [Ed] Yeah. - [Joe] I'm sorry.

- Yeah.

- I'm sorry.

- [Ed] Yeah.

Remember that loser I told you about?

That car thief?

- You mean the one that landed with [mumbling]'s gang

and jumped over to Joe and that bunch?

- Uh huh.

- Oh yeah.

- This is him.

Joe Vega.

There wasn't a car that was safe when he was around.

This is Aaron Murphy.

I knew his face in a [mumbling].

- [Murphy] How ya doin', Vega?

- Yo.

- Turn around again, man.

You're under arrest.

- Aw, come on, man, no!

- Disorderly conduct, vandalism ...

I don't know, resisting arrest?

What do you think?

- No, I like the [mumbling] myself.

Come on, buddy, we're goin' back.

The guys at pen miss ya.

Come on, come on.

In ya go, partner.

Duck your head.

That's Joe Vega.

Joe Vega, huh?

- [Ed] Good day.

[engine starts]

- Remember why you're here, Eric.

To help that boy.

- Alright.

[boom]

- Aye, he's finally getting the hang of that trick.

[sad music]

[Charlotte sobs]

- Please don't cry.

Please.

- What did he do to you?

- He didn't do anything to me.

I did it.

- No you didn't.

This is his fault.

It's always been his fault.

- [Charlie] Not this time.

I told him to come.

- What?

- [Eric] Who wants some medicine?

Who wants some piller willy?

- I didn't order any --

- Stop.

Give her this and tell her it's from her father.

- [Charlie] But --

- That's all you have to do, lad, alright?

- Okay.

- Two snaps up.

[magic chimes]

- Medication.

Where did that nurse go?

- What nurse?

Your father wanted you to have this, that's all.

He loves you and misses you very, very, very much.

[magic chimes]

- I can't believe you lost another job, Joe.

- What, you want me to leave?

You asked me to go straight so I went straight.

It's not my fault that nobody wants to hire an ex-con.

- How ya gonna explain that to your daughter, Joe?

It's Christmas Eve.

Look under the Christmas tree, Joe.

There isn't a single present under the Christmas tree.

- I know that, I know that.

I'm well aware of that!

- What are you gonna tell her?

That her bum of a dad couldn't hold a real job?

- That's great, great.

- Mommy and daddy, why are you fighting?

- We're not fighting, okay?

- Mmhmm.

- And you have to go back to bed.

- Has Santa come yet?

- Not yet, but he will.

He's on his way, but you have to be asleep, okay?

Now you gotta go back to bed.

- [Young Charlotte] I got this for you, daddy.

- It's beautiful, sweetheart.

Just like you.

- I love you.

Merry Christmas.

- Merry Christmas.

Now back to bed, 'kay?

Come on.

- Merry Christmas, mommy.

- [mumbling] Merry Christmas.

Good job.

I'll be back.

[dramatic music]

- [Ed] Halt!

Police!

Freeze!

Hands against the wall!

Hands against the wall!

Vega?

Stealing toys?

That's another strike against ya.

You're not too smart, are ya?

- Come on, man.

Just let me take the toys to my kid.

- [Ed] Should've thought about that sooner.

It's not my problem.

Officer Railsback requests assistance.

14310 Chandler.

Toys World, rear entrance.

Over.

- [Voiceover] [mumbling] backup

comin' to ya in just a moment.

- Do that again.

Roger that.

Let's go.

Move it.

[knocking]

[knocking]

- Not again.

- Afraid so.

He got caught busting into a toy store.

He's going to be going away

for some time, third offense and all.

- Well, he's a worthless human being, so ...

What are you doing here?

Do you want to search the place?

- No.

Listen, I shouldn't be doing this,

but he wanted to make sure his daughter

got a present this year for Christmas.

Don't worry, I covered the bill.

He can work it off as a trustee in the county jail.

Merry Christmas.

[sad music]

- Merry Christmas.

- But where's daddy?

- Your daddy's gone and he ain't never comin' back.

[magic chimes]

[Eric whistling "Jingle Bells"]

- Where is my dad?

I need to talk to him.

- See, I told you young Charlie could handle this situation.

- Yeah and I had absolutely nothing to do with that.

- Where is Joe?

- [Uncle Bart] I saw him wander off

there a little while ago.

Looked like a man with the wind taken out of his sails.

- Uh oh.

- [Charlotte] Really?

I can't believe this.

- He didn't do anything bad, I know he didn't.

- Okay, maybe not.

- [Uncle Bart] Alright everybody in the van.

Let's follow him.

- Follow a cop?

That'd be fun.

- [Uncle Bart] Everybody in the van.

You two and you, bonehead, change into something

that's not gonna get us all arrested.

[boing]

Is this the very best you got?

- Well with a few variations

it's the extent of my wardrobe really.

- Arr.

- I can't just leave work.

- [Uncle Bart] Call in sick!

- Hehe.

- Whatever.

- What can I do for ya?

- [Charlotte] We're here to see Officer Railsback.

- Lieutenant!

- [Ed] Yeah, yeah.

- Charlotte, nice to see you.

- I'd like to talk to Joe Vega.

My father.

- He's locked up in the interrogation room.

I can let two of you in at a time

and you only get five minutes.

Okay?

Brady, escort them in.

- [Brady] On it.

- I wish you hadn't come here.

I never wanted you to see me like this.

- Well, lad, wish as you may, here ya be.

The question is how did you end up

in this filthy brig anyway?

Were ya pillagin'?

- Uh-uh, uh-uh.

Railsback.

- [Uncle Bart] Aye.

- He saw me walkin' where

I wasn't supposed to be and he arrested me.

- Well can't we raise some money and bail you out of here?

- Come on, Bart, I'm on parole.

Being on parole means no bail.

- Ah.

- Which means you can get sent back

to prison for doing just about anything.

- That's right.

- [Charlotte] Even if it's a made up excuse.

- [Uncle Bart] Wow, I didn't know.

- [Charlotte] I just don't understand

why Eddie would do this.

- Come on, Charlotte.

Why don't you ask Eddie?

- You know this swab?

- [Joe] Yeah we know him.

When Charlotte's mother and I broke up,

Eddie Railsback dated her for a while, alright?

It didn't go too well.

He still blames me for that somehow.

- You need to let my friend go now.

- Kid is cute, right?

- That kid's so cute he should do late night standup.

- Kid, your friend is a dangerous criminal

who deserves to be locked up.

- But he didn't do anything wrong.

- Trust me, kid.

Before your friend was a bartender

he did a lot of things wrong.

- Yeah, and you sir, what are you doin'

hangin' around with known criminals?

Especially with a kid?

- [Eric] Hey!

We're just tryin' to show the boy

a little bit of the world, that's all.

- Well I think he's seen enough of the world.

I think it's time to take him back.

And by the way, strange outfit.

- Yeah, what are you some kind of

musician or actor or somethin'?

[Eric giggles]

- Somethin' like that.

Shakespeare in the park.

Maybe you've seen me?

- [Eddie] No. - [Murphy] No.

- I can't go back now.

I need to save my dad's restaurant.

- Hush, Charlie.

I think it's time for us to go, lad.

- What a bunch of monkeys.

- No kiddin'.

- What do we do now, Uncle Bart?

- Aye, I don't know, Master Charles.

Perhaps we should've gone to that evil banker first.

And you, elf!

You knew better.

You knew this was going to happen.

- I had no idea.

I'm just an elf.

I don't have a crystal ball.

- Ah, but you knew about it and you ran with it anyway.

And furthermore --

- No, no, no, no, noooooo!

- Uh.

[Eric chuckles]

- Why do you have to do this to him?

- I didn't do anything, Charlotte.

He did it all.

- [Charlotte] Years ago.

- Then why did I arrest him today, huh?

- Because you can't let go.

You keep dogging him about the past.

- He wasn't there for you and he wasn't

there for your mother either if I remember.

- My mom was an alcoholic who left you.

Both of you.

- [Eddie] Whose fault was that?

Who turned her into it?

- You're impossible, ya know that?

- Think I could get her number?

- Shut up, Murphy.

- Gotcha.

- You have no idea!

No idea at all what you're talkin' about!

- [Uncle Bart] Ah, you're still peeved about

that pirate festival at Anna Maria Island, Florida, ain't ya?

- Hello.

- That man, he's impossible.

- What do we do now?

We need to help Joe.

He's one of the people we need to help.

Eric, you're magic.

Do something!

- You're magic?

- Well yeah.

Well no, not precisely.

I mean your chances of winning the lottery will not

greatly improve by rubbin' my head or anything, but --

- But you can do things, right?

- Some things I can do, yeah.

- I have an idea.

- I had one of those once.

- [Uncle Bart] Yeah.

[Christmas music]

[knock on door]

- Come on in, it's open!

- Santa Claus pizza delivery, sir.

That will be $20.

- [Eddie] I didn't order any pizza.

Listen, I'm kinda hungry.

Here, I'll save ya a trip.

- Well maybe you don't need that wallet, sir.

You see this is our special Christmas magical pizza.

One bite and if it's not the best pizza

you've ever had, it's free.

- Free?

- [Eric] Free.

Not even one penny.

- This is a joke, right?

- [Eric] Oh no jokes here.

Not even a little one.

- Well 20 bucks is 20 bucks.

This better be good.

Mmm.

Ya know ...

- [Charlie] Wow!

What did you do to him?

- He was very, very bad this year.

Don't worry, lad, he's fine.

He'll be fine when he wakes up.

Now where is your Uncle Bart and Charlotte?

- They just dropped me off

and said they're going to the jail.

- Oh.

We won't touch the pizza, right, Charlie?

Not a good idea, lad.

- What do we do now?

Grab his keys and break Joe out of jail?

- No.

Much too melodramatic.

Instead, do this.

[magic chimes]

Put this together.

- Okay.

- And while I'm at it ...

[magic chimes]

Hmm, tell ya what, stay right here.

I'll be back in a bit.

[magic chimes]

[toy train]

[Eddie laughing]

- I always wanted one of these when I was a kid.

How'd you get in here?

- I had help from a Christmas elf.

- Kid, that's crazy.

- Christmas isn't crazy.

It's about giving.

And I think you deserve this.

- I don't remember --

- [Charlie] You're a policeman.

You helped lots of people.

I don't really know if you're a good boy,

but you're a good man.

- What is this?

I don't understand.

- Magic in the spirit of Christmas.

- I don't believe in magic, kid.

And I don't believe in Christmas.

[magic chimes]

- Hello, gov!

[Eddie screams]

- What do you want?

Aren't you the pizza guy?

- Firstly, don't ever call me a pizza guy again.

I'm an elf, plucker.

[magic chimes]

[Eddie screams]

- Stop it!

- Secondly, I don't want anything.

Elves don't really want.

Except peanut butter.

Might you have some?

The occasional rock and roll concert seat,

front row of course, but in general we don't want anything.

Although, have you tried an appletini?

- We just want you to believe in Christmas.

- I believe.

I believe.

[Eddie laughs]

I believe.

- And a boy came to bestow the spirit of Christmas

on three people and he couldn't have done it

without yours truly, Eric, who is awesome!

♪ [lyrics] Jingle bells, Jingle bells, Jingle all ♪

- Phone, Eric.

- Oh, right, sorry.

Now let my people go!

- He thinks he's a great actor.

- [Eric] I heard that.

- [Charlie] Now let my friend go now, please.

Let him believe in the spirit of Christmas too.

Otherwise, I don't get to see Santa.

- Sure, kid.

[phone ringing]

- Police department, Detective Murphy speaking.

- Murph, it's Railsback.

- [Murphy] Yeah.

- I'm droppin' the charges against Joe Vega.

Do me a favor, void the arrest and release him.

- Are you sure?

- I can take that train back ya know.

- Yes, I'm sure.

- [Murphy] Alright.

Oprah's skinny again.

Huh.

- Alright, boys.

- Well, we're done here.

Come along, Charlie.

Stop.

- Wow, what did you do to him?

- Well, he'll be fine.

He might be a little irritable when he wakes up,

but all in all he's gonna be fine.

Well it's time for us to make our grand exit, lad.

- Are you gonna snap your fingers and make us disappear?

- No, we're just gonna use the door.

- [Charlie] Oh.

- [Eric] Oh, I almost forgot.

[snap]

- Holy moly.

- You know that Charlie is some great kid.

- Yeah, I agree.

He sure made a Christmas believer out of me.

So why did you come back?

- I suppose this is what started it all, daddy.

- Hmm, daddy.

- You know you never told me why

it was you got arrested when I was little.

- Well, I was really broke back then

and I got arrested stealing toys.

I was just tryin' to do right for my baby girl

for Christmas, but it was dumb.

- It was.

You didn't need to do that.

- Have you ever tried to explain to a little girl

why Santa Claus forgot about her?

- Every day.

I'm a doctor.

But mostly I feel like a social worker.

- Yeah.

But you are a doctor and I'm so proud of you.

How you came from me I don't know.

- It's not that big of a mystery, dad.

You always try to do the right thing.

You know, even if you go about it the wrong way.

[Joe chuckles]

- Yeah.

- Why don't you spend Christmas Eve with me this year?

- Christmas?

That's for family.

And I haven't had one for a long time.

- Well you have one now.

- [Eric] [mumbling] has a lot of class, doesn't he?

- Aye.

Unfortunately, it's all low.

[Eric chuckles]

- I don't know if I can convince him of anything.

- [Eric] Yeah, he's definitely a 10 on the Scrooge scale.

- [Uncle Bart] Aye.

- [Charlie] There's a scale?

- Oh yeah.

We started it after the Grinch stole Christmas.

- There's a Grinch?

- Oh yeah, and that bad boy?

He's only an eight on the scale.

- Aye.

- So how can I convince him?

- You take this magic watch, you go

into his office and you open it like this.

["Jingle Bells"]

And then you yell, "You're a big meanie!"

- That sounds dumb.

- Actually he's right, it does.

- Well, here, go!

- We're gonna need to clean the books up a bit, Sandra,

before they tear down that restaurant Sam Lee's.

- I don't like this, Oliver.

It's illegal.

We shouldn't foreclose on a property after a month.

He only missed one payment.

- I've dealt with hundreds of Sam Lees in my day.

We did what we had to do.

Now we can build that strip mall in its place.

[phone rings]

- This is the last time I'm doing this, Oliver!

- [Oliver] Yes, foreclose on them as well.

You get behind on a payment, bam, we own it.

Period.

[Oliver laughs]

- Hey, you can't go in there!

Hey!

- Hold on a second.

The heck you doin' in here, kid?

- You're a big meanie!

["Jingle Bells"]

[suspenseful music]

[scream]

[scream]

- Hello?

Hello?

Operator?

Operator?

This is Oliver Bates, I'm the president

of First National Bank of Hollywood.

I need you to put me through to my secretary.

Look, I don't know how I got here or where I am right now,

but I am the president of the bank.

Well can you just put me through please?

I don't have a quarter.

Hey, lady.

[scream]

Lady.

I'm lost.

[scream]

I don't where I am.

Think you could help me please?

Huh?

Think you could help me out?

Sandra?

[evil laugh]

Little Stevie, is that you?

Hey, come here a second.

I need some help, buddy.

[scream]

[creepy laugh]

[scream]

[whistling "Jingle Bells"]

- Hello.

What you runnin' for?

- Who are you?

What are you?

- I am the elf of Christmas present.

- What have you done to me?

- [Eric] Oh, mate, I've done nothin' to you.

What you've done you've done all by yourself.

- Give me my life back.

Please.

Please.

- If I was to grant your wish,

how do I know you would change?

- I will, I'll change.

- [Eric] And?

- And I will stop being ...

- [Eric] Have you forgotten already?

- No, no, no.

I'll stop being a meanie.

- I can come back here ya know.

- [Oliver] Oh I know.

You won't need to, I swear it.

- Do you give me your word?

- You have it, sir.

I swear it.

- Okay [chuckles].

[magic chimes]

- Charlie.

I'm so sorry.

I'm sorry.

- So can my dad get his restaurant back?

- Sandra, get me those files

for Sam Lee's restaurant that we foreclosed on.

I changed my mind.

- [Charlie] Yes!

- Don't say anything about this to your father, okay?

Let this be my surprise for Christmas, alright?

- Yes, sir.

- Alright, fine, Charlie.

I have to admit you've proved me wrong.

- Aye, it takes the magic of a young boy

who believes to remind them.

I'd like my watch back now please.

- Oh yeah.

- And now there are three who know

from a little boy about the spirit of Christmas.

Well I guess it's your show now, right?

- Aye.

- Goodbye, Charlie.

It's my time to go.

And you are a fine boy and I've enjoyed helping you,

but I've got to get back to the North Pole

and help Santa 'cause Christmas is almost here.

So Uncle Bart will take ya the rest of the way, alright?

Uncle Bart, you take care of my boy now.

- Aye, you bet I will.

I'll see ya when I see ya, elf.

Merry Christmas.

- And Merry Christmas to ya both.

Oh and put me in a good word for me

to Santa when ya see him, alright?

So long!

[boink]

- [Uncle Bart] Let's go while

we still have a little light left.

Come along.

- Uncle Bart, this is your house.

What are we doing back here?

- Aye, like I've told ya, laddie,

nothing is ever quite as it seems.

Ever.

Come on, come with me.

Remember the door, Charlie?

You remember what I told ya about that door?

- [Charlie] Never walk through a door unless

you know where you're goin'.

- Well do ya know where you're goin', lad?

- To the North Pole to see Santa Claus!

- Well then open that door and I'll be right behind ya.

Go on, 'cause on the other side of that door is Black Bart

and your ticket to the North Pole.

Here put these on.

It's gonna be cold where you're goin', lad.

- So Black Bart, the pirate guy?

- One and the same, laddie.

- But isn't he a thieving, pillaging, horrible pirate?

- Used to be and then he died.

But it seems that dyin' can soften up a man a bit.

- So Black Bart the pirate is bringin' us to see Santa?

- Yes he is, Master Charles.

It's the only way to get there.

- But why him?

- 'Cause old Black Bart decided to spend his spirit days

teaching people about the wonders of Christmas.

- I'm kind of scared, Uncle Bart.

[magic chimes]

Uncle Bart?

Uncle Bart?

- [Uncle Bart] Go through the door now, Charles.

Go!

[Egyptian music]

Ahoy, Master Charles!

- [Charlie] Uncle Bart!

- Welcome aboard, laddie.

- Wow.

[adventure music]

- [Uncle Bart] Are ya ready for an adventure?

Aye, you wanna see Santa Claus?

Well tally-ho, lad!

Avast, Master Charlie!

Hang on, laddie!

Here we go!

- We're flying, Uncle Bart!

We're flying!

[Uncle Bart laughs]

- Look down, Master Charlie!

- [Charlie] It's beautiful, Uncle Bart!

- Aye, laddie, have you ever seen color like that thar?

- How are we doing this, Uncle Bart?

- It's magic, laddie!

Magic!

Come on back here, Master Charles.

Come around here.

I'm gonna let ya steer the ship, huh.

- Really?

- Aye!

Come in here.

There ya go.

Now straight and true, straight and true.

There ya go.

Good job.

I'm gonna make a sailor out of ya yet.

- Look, Uncle Bart!

[Uncle Bart laughs]

- Look down there, Master Charles.

Give me back the wheel, laddie.

We're gettin' ready to go down.

'Tis as far as I go, Master Charles.

What lies behind that door is for you and you only.

- Thank you so much, Uncle, I mean, Mr. Black Bart.

- Don't thank me, son.

It was because you believed that it happened,

you made this happen.

Now, you need to get goin' 'cause Santa

is not a man to be kept waiting.

Go.

["Jingle Bells"]

[Santa chuckles]

[knocking]

- Oh, come in, Charlie, I've been waitin' for ya.

Come on over here.

Have a seat by the fire.

How about a nice Christmas apple?

Ho ho ho ho ho!

- I finally know you're real!

- Charlie, as long as there are good boys and girls,

I'll always be real.

You've come a long way, young man.

- Santa, I need your help.

If I hadn't come, I would've missed Christmas.

But if you can't help me, I'd still [mumbling].

- I see.

But there's only so much that I can do.

- So you can't help me?

- I didn't say that.

Charlie, close your eyes and hold out your hand.

Now open them up.

- I want this very, very much

but this is not what I came for.

- Well what then?

- I want for my new mother and father to be happy

and I want for my father to get his restaurant back.

- Congratulations, Charlie, you passed.

- Passed?

- [Santa] Charlie, you understand that Christmas is about

giving to others and making them happy.

But I'm sorry, I can't grant your wish.

- Why not?

- Because you've already done it yourself.

[Santa chuckles]

- I don't really understand.

- Well then go ahead and take a look right here,

but do it now 'cause I've got to get ready

to get into my sleigh and fly away.

After all, it is Christmas Eve

and I've got lots of work to do.

- [Charlie] Oh yeah, by the way,

Eric your elf did a great job.

I just wanted you to know that.

- [Santa] Ho ho ho ho!

[magic chimes]

- Merry Christmas, Charlie.

- How was your weekend?

- He's real!

Santa's really real!

- You're right, son.

- What do you mean?

- Come and see.

It's a miracle.

- Yeah.

[Christmas music]

- I guess so, huh?

- [Charlie] Joe, Charlotte!

- [Joe] Hey, Charlie. - Charlie!

- Come on over here.

- Wow, what a tree!

- And where there's a tree ...

- There are presents.

And this one is for you.

Uh uh uh uh uh.

I can't tell you what's in there,

but it has rockets that fire.

- [Eddie] Hey, hey, hey, no opening presents

until Christmas dinner.

- Isn't it wonderful, Charlie?

- And it's all because of you.

- Me?

- [Joe] That's right, Charlie.

You reminded us of what Christmas is really about.

- [Eddie] You saved our Christmas, Charlie.

- So it's only fair that we save yours.

- Ho ho ho, Merry Christmas!

[mumbling], guess who?

- [Charlie] Aunt Ting!

I missed you so much!

- I missed you too, Charlie.

[knock at door]

- [Oliver] Hey, Charlie, Merry Christmas.

Hey, Sam.

Diane.

- What are you doin' here?

- [Oliver] Well, that whole restaurant thing,

that's my fault.

I have had quite an experience, an awakening you might say.

I've done a lot of bad things for money and power

but I decided that starting today

I needed to make those things right.

So [chuckles] I've arranged with the bank

to give ya a new loan to save your business

and get ya caught up on your back payment.

You can be opened back up again in time for New Year's Eve.

- [Sam] I don't know what to say.

- I do.

Let's eat!

[everyone laughs]

- You got my vote on that.

- Oh and by the way ...

- Yeah?

- Please, call me Oliver.

- Right, Oliver, please come sit down and join us.

- Little Stevie, come on.

I know how much you love homemade dressing.

[knock at door]

- [Uncle Bart] Arr!

- [Charlie] Uncle Bart!

- Merry Christmas, lad.

Here's a little gift from Santa

and the elves from the North Pole.

- Thank you so very much.

- No, no, son, don't thank me, thank yourself.

You did it on your own, laddie.

Beautiful.

- So did you bring Eric with you?

- [Uncle Bart] Nay, laddie, he's somewhere over China

with Santa delivering gifts to all

the little Chinese boys and girls.

But if you're a good boy, you will see him again next year.

["Hark the Herald Angels Sing"]

- Wow, this is the best Christmas ever!

I believe in Santa Claus, I really do!

- Well I hope you still believe in him next year.

- Don't worry, I will.

Merry Christmas to one and all!

- [everyone] Merry Christmas!

- Hey, everyone, let's sing!

♪ [lyrics] We wish you a Merry Christmas,

♪ We wish you a Merry Christmas,

♪ We wish you a Merry Christmas,

♪ and a Happy New Year

♪ We wish you a Merry Christmas,

♪ We wish you a Merry Christmas,

♪ We wish you a Merry Christmas,

♪ and a Happy New Year

["We Wish You a Merry Christmas"]

["Jingle Bell Rock"]

["Deck the Halls"]

["Hark the Herald Angels Sing"]