Original subtitles

Hello? Yes.

Yes?

What are the coordinates?

Declination.

Right ascension.

Did he trip or was he pushed?

Neither, Mrs. Peel.

Not a mark on him.

Ernest Cosgrove, War Ministry.

Important?

Up and coming.

His age here, I said.

But from his hair.

He looked 60. It happened in the early hours. From his notes, he was observing

Venus. He took these.

They're formed.

Yeah, so am I.

It's a curious death, Mrs. Peel.

It's the first?

So far.

Found him here, Mrs. Peel. Oh.

Gray?

No, white, identical to Cosgrove. Any connection?

Keen astronomers, that's about all.

Oh, both had their eyes on Venus.

Steve, the film, it's missing.

It isn't, you know.

Ah. Think it will show some bug -eyed monster.

Whatever it was, it turned two men white.

Although I shouldn't have thought Hadley would have cared that easily. He's a

business tycoon, extremely tough.

With some remarkable pen friends.

Oh. Dear.

Freddie. Freddie?

Well, Frederick, I suppose.

Had a message from Venus. Next meeting, Friday the 13th.

Very ominous. Any signature?

No.

Then look no further, dear lady, for I am he.

I don't believe that I've had the pleasure.

Oh, Peel. Mrs. Emma Peel. How do you do?

You look rather, well, surprised.

I am.

Frankly, when I read your card, I didn't expect to... Ah, it was the name that

fooled you.

Bert Smith. It always does.

Actually, it's Bertram Fortescue Winthrop Smythe, to be absolutely

Had to change it, of course.

Of course.

Firstly, it was too long to go on the card.

And such a name is a terrible disadvantage in this business. After

heard of anyone having their chimney swept by a fortescue Winthrop's mize?

Who indeed?

Yes, it's sheer prejudice, Mrs. Peel.

Yes, they'll have me in for cocktails, but if I so much as go near their

chimneys... You're out.

Ostracized. Social death. Exactly, and terribly unfair, too. You see, sweeping

chimneys is all I'm really fitted for. See anything I know.

Now...

Family tradition, man and boy. We've been chasing up chimneys since William

Conqueror. Sir Matthew Fortescue Winthrop Smythe was actually knighted

services rendered to Queen Anne Flew.

That I'd dally on.

Dear lady, please forgive me how ill -mannered of me. I didn't inquire your

business here.

Now, is it a maladjusted smokestack?

No. A bothersome burner?

No. It's the Frederick Hadley.

Old Freddie Hadders. You're a friend of his.

I've met him in a professional capacity.

Professional? Oh, well, then you must be interested in astronomy.

Intensely. Oh, perfectly marvellous.

Then we have something in common.

We have?

Yes.

Yes.

Astronomy is my second love, after chimneys, of course. But the two go hand

hand, really. You see, in my position, sweeping chimneys, the thing I see most

of is the sky.

glinting away up there at the top of a gypsum brick. Long flue, double burner,

triple stacked, haze and haze, mark three chimney.

A tiny patch of sky.

What more natural than that I should become interested in astronomy?

It had to happen.

Now, are you going to become a member of the BVS?

BVS? Yes, we all are, you know.

Freddy, me, all the enthusiasts.

I'll probably be on watching duty tonight.

Watching what?

Oh, Venus, of course.

For the BVS.

British Venusian Society.

Oh.

To the British what?

Venusian Society.

Hadley, Cosgrove and Bert from Fortescue, Winthrop, Smythe, they're all

They do some sort of nightly watch.

Do you get that print from Hadley's camera?

Funny you should ask.

Most peculiar.

Looks like a fireball charging throughout a space.

Oh, can't we lie down?

Mrs.

Peel!

British Venusian Society.

Venus, a man called Teeds arrived.

Does he look interesting?

Extremely. Then show him in, Mr. Crawford. Show him in.

I am Venus Brown, Secretary of the British Venusian Society.

How do you do? I'm John Steed.

You have a beautiful golden aura.

Oh, how very nice of you to say so.

Find yourself a comfortable seat, Mr. Steed.

Oh, thank you.

I understand you wish to apply.

To apply for membership.

We are a very small, select group.

Good. I abhor overcrowding. With stringent rules.

I shall obey them stringently.

And a very high subscription.

The sky's the limit.

A two -coiny phrase.

We're not composed of elderly eccentrics, Mr. Seed.

I can see that.

We choose our membership with great care. Good. You are a keen astronomer.

Dedicated. I cut my baby teeth on a telescope.

Your occupation?

Following father's footsteps.

He spent his life depositing money. I spent mine withdrawing it.

How lovely.

You're familiar with our activities, Mr. Seed?

Some of them, but do go on. Tell me all about them. Well, firstly, we oppose the

present space program.

I didn't realize we had one.

But we shall, Mr. Seed. We shall.

And our efforts won't be squandered on the moon.

Our target is the planet Venus.

There's evidence it could support life.

We believe it does.

For years, we've detected radio signals.

From Venus?

From that direction.

Our members keep watch every night for any signs of life.

Oh, good.

Have they spotted anything? Some flashes of white light?

Behind those clouds, Mr. Steed, are beings.

I hope they have a friendly aura.

Who can say?

you

But to launch a private space program would take enormous capital.

Indeed it will.

We can't hope to compete with the major powers.

Our aim is a small satellite.

But you'd need the know -how.

Which we have.

Well, I was trained at Jodrell Bank.

Mr. Crawford is a radio astronomer.

And then, of course, there are a host of others.

Yes, but the cards.

Phineas is extremely persuasive.

We've acquired the backing of the Cuthbert Foundation.

You must be persuasive. We also lean heavily upon our members.

Oh. Well, I have a broad aura.

We will gladly accept a contribution, Mr. Steed, but after your election.

First, you must have an eye test.

An eye test?

One false sighting could discredit the society.

But I'm a first -class shot.

No exceptions, Mr. Steed.

Now, I suggest you visit our Dr.

Primble. Primble.

Oh, Mrs. Peel. Now, where have you been?

Chasing an unidentified object.

That's the vernacular, isn't it? An unidentified object?

A sphere.

A ball of bright light.

A thing.

Oh, from outer space?

Ah, you're not trapping me into an opinion.

It's very, very strange.

Unlike anything I've ever seen before.

If it sparks you want, our gentleman's sweep is dead.

Even the soot was white.

Well, he was one of five names on the duty roster at the BVS. Now, three of

are dead.

You'd better get to the other two before anybody else does.

Start with Mansford.

And you?

I'm going to have my eyes tested.

Dr. Primble, I presume.

You presume right.

What are you looking for?

Oh, contact lenses here somewhere.

Is that it?

Yes, that's it. I got it.

Oh, thank you.

Well, much obliged, Mr.

Steed.

Steed?

Steve, have you an appointment?

No. And I can't see you. I never see anyone without an appointment. Can I

one? Oh, certainly.

How about today at 2 .45?

Oh, that suits me fine. Take a seat.

I'm so sorry, Mrs. Peel. I'm afraid you've just missed Lord Mansford.

When do you expect him back?

He isn't out.

He's in the vault, perusing his art treasures.

Security. It's a time lock.

Nobody gets in and he can't get out until the clock strikes three.

From the top of you, please.

Truby Homberg, bowler cap.

Jockey, pork pie topper.

Boater, Busby Fez. Bravo. Excellent.

That's what I told Miss Pryor.

Not through yet.

So you hope to join us, Mr. Steed?

Can't wait.

The cup?

Done. Left?

Right.

Have you seen Miss Brown's new book, Venus, Our Sister Planet?

I've got it on order.

It's come the Bible to our society, though I must confess I find the trifle

disconcerting. Oh, in what way?

If there's life on Venus, it certainly isn't as we know it. It's hot up there,

very hot.

Too hot for humans?

Precisely.

Although, of course, life can exist in many forms.

Solid, liquid, gas.

I pump the gas.

Very fiery gas.

Eyes perfect, Mr. Steed. Welcome to the fold.

And on the cover, her impression of Venus.

How extraordinary.

Where did you get these?

Taken with an astro -camera last night.

What is it, Doctor?

I warned them.

Venus, Crawford.

I warned them all.

What about?

This probe to Venus.

If you plan to invade a strange world, they might follow suit and invade us.

Perhaps they already have.

They were taken by a security camera in the vault door.

Oh,

it's striking.

Very.

Through six inches of solid steel.

Now, what could have done that?

Something did.

The nuisance?

Well, we've got to the moon. Something's bound to make a return visit someday.

Has anything leaked out?

Not a word. Complete security block.

The last man on duty, watch.

Brigadier Whitehead, did you get him?

I tried to, but his phone was off the hook.

Well, as you can hear, gentlemen, zero hour is approaching.

Invasion is imminent. We must counterattack without delay.

Now, you've all received your operational orders. You, Major Collins,

lead the 1st Battalion.

You, Captain Smith, you will follow through with the 2nd. And you,

you will command the support company.

Right, well, that's all, gentlemen.

Good luck.

As my officers departed, I drove hurriedly to the front.

Shells were bursting all around us.

Complete silence.

Brigadier. Blast.

I tried the doorbell.

Sorry if I'm intruding, but your phone's off the hook. Yes, I know.

Oh, still on your memoirs. Yes, it's my new long play on the invasion of Italy.

Look, you must excuse me.

Just landed at Catania when messenger drove up.

I tore open the dispatch.

The group was bad.

I'd lost my battalion commander.

I had to reach O Group.

I grabbed the bike from the messenger and roared off to headquarters.

Suddenly a grenade exploded.

I jumped for cover.

Can I get you a drink?

I'd rather have a contribution.

What, another?

Well, if we're to launch our satellite... You've already had 20 ,000,

Which didn't quite pay the fuel bill. Well, pay a few of mine, what?

Now, Brigadier... I'm sorry, I refuse to dip any deeper until I've had a peep at

the account.

The account?

Yes, the Treasury report.

Hadley and Mansfield are of the same mind.

We'd like to know where the money's going, you know.

Well, where do you think it's going?

Well, that's what we'd like to know.

We'll discuss it later.

Oh, Venus.

Look, I can't manage duty watch tonight.

Battle of Palermo.

Nearly bought it there. Had the luck of the devil.

I hope it stays with you the second time around.

It's hot in here today, like a ruddy crumpet.

I was up to my waist in murder, blinded and choked by smoke.

I was almost hampered by a severe shoulder wound.

Nevertheless, I reached for a grenade which was just within my grasp.

And pulled the pin with my teeth, hurling the grenade into the enemy

The enemy was still advancing when...

The enemy was still advancing

when...

Care

for a drink?

What on earth was all that about?

The swan song of one Brigadier Whitehead.

Officer, gentleman, deceased, exit, Brigadier Whitehead.

Whiteheaded?

Pattern as before.

The enemy was still advancing when... He died

as he lived, in the thick of battle, bravely facing the enemy. An enemy

a face.

Made some very funny noise.

I never heard anything like it before, did you?

Can't say I did.

Well, it narrows down the list of people watching Venus.

It was always me.

I'm a fully -fledged member of the BVS. I volunteered for watching duty.

I thought it was part of your policy never to volunteer for anything.

Yes, but since you volunteered to return the recording to Venus Brown, I thought

I'd volunteer.

It's got to be telepathy.

Where did you get this?

It was sent to my newspaper by a close associate.

Together with these photographs.

It was suggested we were being invaded by Venus.

Well, that is quite possible, Mrs. Peel.

But, well, photographs can be faked.

That's why I've come to see you. You're an expert in this field. What's your

view? I couldn't say without a second opinion.

Oh, it's very hot in here.

Excuse me a moment.

I'll call on Mr. Crawford.

He's an expert in radio astronomy. The tape is more in his life.

Mr. Crawford?

Venus, there's something I'd like you to listen to.

Well, what do you think?

Oh, I see we'll have some. Can you be here?

Very well.

He can't tell over the phone.

You say five of our members, Hatley, Cosgrove, Mansford... And Smith and

Brigadier Whitehead, and an attack on Miss Brown.

Have you seen these men?

Yes, they died of shock, their hair and clothes bleached with an intense light.

Then I was right, the Venusians are here.

Well, nothing's been reported from radar control.

If they're composed of gas, they'd never be detected. They could be travelling

with the speed of light.

In an extraterrestrial vehicle, an unidentified object?

Possibly.

Well, thank you for your help. Must go now.

I'm on duty tonight, observing Venus.

Ah, Mrs. Peele.

Yes, all set up.

Any luck with the tape?

Not yet. We're expecting Crawford. He's certainly taking his time.

Don't worry. I shan't let Venus out of my sight.

Me neither.

How's it going, old chap?

Thank you.

Indeed. Did you see it? That flash of light? It came from the cemetery.

Doctor?

Dr. Primble?

Dr. Primble?

Venusians. I told you.

They're here.

They've landed.

They're still warm.

It was a lot warmer a little while back, Professor. Hot enough to carbonize.

We need a temperature of at least 2 ,000 degrees to do this.

Really?

Wasn't a flamethrower.

Nothing volatile.

I saw a flash of white light.

A flash of white light?

Hmm. It has a partiality for gravestones, if that's any help.

And Dr. Primble, did he see anything?

Well, he was badly shocked. His descriptions vary. But Mrs. Peel says,

swears that she saw some kind of spacecraft.

It was silver.

Uh... Mirrored.

Mirrored?

Uh -huh.

Mirrored.

I didn't bother with it.

But I would like to hear this recording. Yeah, it's in my car.

I'm sorry I was so long.

The ministry called.

Trimble was attacked.

By Venusians, he said.

Steed, too.

It may interest you to know that he's from the authorities.

The authorities?

So's your Mrs. Peel.

Oh, dear.

Not just yet, Mrs. Peel.

I don't believe in this invasion any more than you.

Or Venusians.

Oh, come now, Mrs. Peel.

Does anyone really know what's up there? On Venus, or Mars, or even the moon?

Discoveries always begin as a guessing game.

We may be right, we may be wrong. If you don't explore, you don't find out.

And we shall one day.

Our funds are growing fast.

While your membership dwindles.

This is becoming a habit.

That tape you brought.

I'd like to hear it.

Recognize the sound, Mr. Crawford?

I most certainly do, Mrs. Peel. The sound of light amplification of

emission of radiation.

In a word of two syllables, a laser beam.

A laser beam?

Of course.

It has a bleaching effect.

And boils liquids.

Plus a very distinctive sound.

Where are they used?

All over the place.

Dentistry, communications, eye surgery.

Eye surgery?

you

you

And who is this?

The one at the farm.

Her name's Mrs. Peel.

Friend of Steve.

And what are we doing here, Mrs. Peel?

Well, I haven't come here for an eye test.

And does Steed know you're here?

I consider that a highly personal question.

Martin, I think the scientific approach is held in good stead.

Yes, Mrs. Beale. A laser.

It's a rather advanced model, which I'm sure you'd like to see in action.

There's just one thing. Steed.

How much does he know?

He's in the book. Why don't you call him?

Martin, we've been hoping for a guinea pig.

I think we've found one.

Excellent.

Not from where I'm sitting.

Ah, sense of humor. Admirable.

Mine vanished when the Cuthbert Foundation began diverting its funds

medical research to the Society's space project.

I couldn't beat them, so I joined them, and now I've almost destroyed them.

With Venusians as an alibi.

An original one, you'd admit.

It's about all I will admit.

You know...

This model is remarkably accurate.

It can drill holes in diamonds and go through steel plate like butter.

But as for living tissue, we should just have to experiment.

Feeling more cooperative?

No. I feel positively stubborn.

Your last chance, Mrs. Peel. You've seen what it does to people.

Well, it's quicker than a peroxide rinse.

Very well.

down with mirrors.

Thank you, Steve.

Are you ready?

My hat.

Hey.

Might catch on.

You think so?

He could have made a fortune out of his laser device.

What, with the communications business?

The laundry business.

Just think of all those white, white shirts.

You do a very good job on my lemon -spot pyjamas.

Hungry? One meal away from malnutrition.

We're having dinner on Venus.

On Venus?

Venus Brown, her society is so delighted with us, they're giving us a slap -up

dinner.

Oh, you didn't really think that we were going to have... I saw my Earth in

orbit. Dinner amid the stars. A table for two overlooking the galactic sea.

Or a big crater or something or other. The head waiter, beady -eyed, looming

over us. But none of your favourite wines. No wine? Not up there.

You know your claret doesn't travel.