Original subtitles

There's more to life than what you're living.

So take a chance and face the wind.

An open road and a road that's hidden. A brand new life around the bend.

There were times when you lost a dream or two.

Found a trail that at the end was you.

There's a path we take and a path not taken. The choice is up to you, my

Nights are long, but you might awake.

Brand new life, brand new life, brand new life around the bend.

First, I'll tell them how important advertising is. How it can impact on all

society. Ooh, impacting. It's good, it's good.

And then I'll segue into the role advertising plays in a thriving, healthy

economy. Smooth. Smooth.

And then I'll bring it all home by telling them about the exciting

an advertising executive.

Oh, I know I'm excited.

How about you, Mo?

Oh, yeah.

Good. Very good, Angela. Very good.

Angela, you're going to make a terrific teacher. You're going to be even better

than Sister Blandina.

And probably a better dresser, too.

Yeah, the catalog just came from Southport University.

Really? There you are.

Angela Bauer, introduction to advertising.

So how come they picked you, Angela?

I don't know.

Because they wanted the best.

Well, thank you, Mother. And when he wasn't available, they got Angela.

Why don't I learn?

Angela, I think what you are doing is terrific. I mean, adult education, it's

important. I mean, it's really important.

It's educating adults.

Yeah, oh, here's an important course.

Introduction to origami.

What's origami? Not as much fun as it sounds.

Mm -mm, good.

Ring around the collar.

Two, two, two mints in one.

Now, can anybody tell me what all these slogans have in common?

They're annoying.

But you remember them. Now, these little slogans have moved millions of dollars

of products. And in this class, I am going to show you why.

But first, let's get to know each other better.

Roll call.

William Abbott. Here.

K. Bradley Gila?

Present. Did I pronounce your name correctly?

No, but I like your way better. I came to learn.

And you will.

Uh, Karen Mayer. Here.

Anthony Maselli.

Tony?

Oh, yo, teach.

Sorry I'm late.

Hey, hey. Oh, I hope nobody squeezed the Charmin yet.

Can you believe this guy trying to kiss up to the teacher?

Yeah. There's one like that in every class.

Two.

Parker, Singer, Steinkillner.

Mr. Maselli, may I speak to you a moment?

Me? You're in trouble.

Sure, Angela.

Miss Bauer, are you surprised to see me? You look surprised.

Hey, I brought you an apple, and it's a firm one, not mushy. Tony!

Well, you know, I know how you hate those mushy apples. Tony, I am teaching

class here.

Yeah, I know. I'm going to take it.

Why?

Well, a mind is a terrible thing to waste, Angela.

Tony. Come on, I've been living with you for about a year and a half now. Oh,

easy, eh?

Well, I mean, you know what I do for a living, you know.

Not that you could do it.

But I would like to know more about what you do.

Oh, okay.

Okay, we'll give it a try. But no special treatment.

Hey, I don't want no special treatment. What are you kidding?

But, um, now that you mention it, I may be a little late Tuesday. I gotta do the

drapes.

Hey, by the way, could you take notes for me?

Would you sit down, Mr. Maselli? I'm gonna go sit.

Well, now, class, I know all of your names. I think you should know my name,

too.

Angela Bowers.

Is she a great teacher or what?

Angela taught us all of that in just the first half of the class.

What did she do in the second half? Walk on water?

Hardy har har.

I'm telling you, Mom, she's a great teacher.

Well, I know where she gets it. After all, I've taught a few old dogs some new

tricks myself.

All right, all right. Who among you can tell me the five most important rules

when making a TV commercial?

Darn! And I knew them only yesterday.

Good morning. Good morning.

Very cute.

Hey, Angela, check this out.

I give my family fiber puffs every morning to get them going. Huh? Huh?

identification, personal endorsement. Rules two and three.

Very good, Tony.

I hate these things.

That's why we have advertising to make you think you like them.

Mona, Mona, Mona.

Commercials are the cornerstone of the free market economy.

And they give you time to go to the bathroom when you're watching TV.

Oh, that's why nobody watches public television.

You come up with an idea for your assignment yet?

Homework?

You got homework on the first day?

Boy, his teacher must be a real battle -axe. I am having each student make a

commercial for a laundry detergent. Yeah, and I got a great idea. Let me

you, nobody's going to the bathroom doing my commercials.

Let's hear it. I'll give you some pointers. Oh, no. No, no thanks, Angela.

want it to be a surprise.

Oh, Tony, there's more to making a good commercial than you might think. I just

want to help you. Well, tell you the truth, Angela. You already have. You're

inspiration.

And I love, I love the way you care about your students.

Did I tell you guys what kind of great teacher she is? Yes!

Oh, isn't this great?

Me and you doing our homework together.

Yeah,

Dad. I'll color your storyboard if you read Silas Marner.

Are you trying to say this is easy? You try staying inside these lines.

Tony, you should have seen your teacher in action today.

I sold a $20 million campaign, and I did it in 20 minutes. Whoa,

a mil a minute.

Way to go.

And with all the art directors, copywriters, and creative geniuses on my

who do you think came up with the winning idea?

Me. Of course you. Of course you did. Let me see. Let me see. I love the

excitement of advertising.

Ta -da.

It's cute.

Cute?

It's bold.

It's dynamic. It's innovative.

Yeah, yeah. It's just not as bold, dynamic, or innovative as mine.

Well, I can't wait to see yours.

Oh, not just yet, not just yet. But it's going to knock your socks off, right,

Sam? Yeah.

Made me want to drop a load into the washer.

Tony, come on. I showed you mine. Why don't you show me yours?

Angela, are you still playing that game?

Can I be the nurse?

Not now.

Mother! Now, Tony, all the other students have shown me their storyboard.

seem to want my help. Yeah, well, all the other students ain't got this.

Ah, brilliant.

Mona. Oh, even better.

Tony, you seem to forget that I'm going to be grading you on this. Oh, hey, no

problem there, Angela. We're talking straight -A city.

Well,

students, tonight's the night we've all been waiting for.

Tonight we're going to view the commercials of the advertising

future.

Oh, I feel like I'm on Star Search.

Who would like to be first?

Mr. Geisel.

This is going to be a tough act to follow. Sure, sure, sure.

As I discussed with Mrs. Bauer, I decided to go with a celebrity

But who?

I wanted someone...

Fresh. Someone with integrity.

Someone who you haven't seen on commercials before.

Mrs. Bauer, I think you'll find my selection quite effective.

When does this guy come up for air?

Hello.

I'm Princess Di.

When my Charlies had a rough day on the...

all of his riding togs in Buckingham soap.

It also does wonders for the heir apparent's diapers.

So, to make your whole family feel like royalty, use Buckingham soap.

I do.

Beat that, Miss Ellie.

My sleep.

Bradley, that was a wonderful example of humor in advertising. It was really

very funny.

It wasn't supposed to be.

Well, never can tell with the British, can you?

Any comments from the class?

I didn't know Princess Di did her own laundry.

Bradley, we'll come back to this later, all right?

Now let's move on. Mr. Maselli, I believe you're next. All right. Hey,

you've seen the rest.

Princess Di.

Now get ready to see the best.

Everybody got a good seat?

You, you look a little short. You want to move to the first row? Would you just

play the damn tape?

I can't wait to see it, can you?

In my line of work, the right detergent is very important.

Boy, you really fight dirty.

Yeah, I do, but when I want to come clean and get rid of that grounding,

I wash my tainties and bouncy clips with the detergent of the champion.

If you don't launch me, that's for real.

Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, but I can't take all the

credit. I gotta thank Jungle Jane and Greedy Gertie.

And don't forget my inspiration, Angela Bauer.

I inspired that?

So, what did you think? Was it great or was it great?

Well, it was very graphic.

Graphic. Graphic, huh?

Graphic is good. Not always.

Well, it was this time.

So, what's my grade? Now, I need a little while to think about it. Please

down. Oh, but Angela.

Tony, don't push me on this. Angela, it's my grade. I earned it. It's

Offensive? Yes, it's offensive.

It's the most offensive television commercial I have ever seen.

Are you saying it's not an A?

An A?

An A?

It's an F.

An F.

As in flunk, fail, phooey.

But you're going to grade on a curve, right?

Tony, I knew it wasn't a good idea for you to take the class.

I'll talk to the school about reimbursing you. Oh, hey, yo.

Oh, wait.

I ain't dropping that class.

I may be a failure, but I'm no quitter.

Angela, you shouldn't have flunked him now. He'll never get into grad school.

Although he was impossible.

He disrupted my entire class.

He showed the most offensive piece of junk that anybody's ever seen, and then

strutted around the room like he was Francis Ford Coppola.

Our Tony, overconfident?

Then I tried to tell him what was wrong with the commercial very gently.

Oh, you mean like it being the most offensive piece of junk you've ever

Well, it really was, Mother.

So what you're saying is you tore his work apart, you humiliated him in front

the class, and you shattered his ego.

Well, if he can't take a little constructive criticism.

Well, that's why he's taking the class, isn't it? No, Angela, he took the class

because of you.

He wanted to impress you, and he wanted to make you proud.

Really? Yes.

He worked very hard on his project. I know he did, and there are some very

things about it. Well, did you tell him that?

Well, no.

But he just makes me so mad.

He just won't listen.

That's because he cares too much what you think about him.

Unless, of course, you don't think he's wonderful. Then he doesn't want to hear

about it.

Mother, how am I going to get through to him?

Well, you're the teacher. Hit him with a ruler.

Oh, Angela, he's just another student.

No, he's not. He's not just another student.

He's Tony.

And I expected more from him.

More than half -naked women covered in mud degrading themselves.

It was awful. Offensive?

It was disgusting.

It deserved an F.

Mother, it deserved lower than an F. It deserved a G!

Well, Princess Di liked it.

And now I'd like to introduce to you the speaker for this evening, Mr. Jeremy

Iken. He is the vice president in charge of advertising for Sunshine Laundry

Detergent. Soap is my life.

He's looked at your commercials and he has agreed to give you an objective

opinion. We are very lucky to have him. Not only is he a good friend of mine, he

is the man who pioneered the dripless spout.

I'm not going to take her again next quarter.

And now, without further ado, I'd like to turn the podium over to Jeremy.

Soap.

Everybody needs it, but how do you sell it?

Well, this woman you'd see before you could sell cold water detergent to an

Eskimo.

Thank you, Jeremy.

But the question is, can you?

I'm sure you've all heard there are five rules of advertising.

I know them. Forget them.

There's just one rule I go on.

Guts. Let me write that down for you.

Wonder who could have done that.

Sorry, Jeremy.

Speaking about guts. That's right.

I've been looking at some of your commercials, and quite frankly, my gut

that some of them stank.

Oh, Jeremy, they're just students.

Well, you're right, Angela, but selling soap is a dirty business.

The American consumer isn't going to buy detergent from some guy wearing a

tiara. I don't care who he says he is.

Hey, hey, you should have taken origami.

And one of you had the audacity to put a couple of half -naked women in mud.

Jeremy, please.

And it is that kind of audacity that sells soap.

It is.

Where's Miss Sally?

Your bouncy flakes commercial had me in a lather.

Come on up here, Miss Sally. I want to shake your hand.

Hey, see that, Angela?

He liked my commercial. And he's the guy that pioneered the dripless spout.

Well, I agree, Jeremy.

It was very imaginative in a muddy sort of way. Yeah?

Then why'd you give me an F?

An F?

Yeah, you know, like in fail, flunk, fooey.

I gave you an F because your commercial had one very serious flaw.

Now, can somebody tell us what that was?

I know. I know. Mr. Maselli. Hey, hey, I'm with him, remember? I liked it.

What would make you buy soap?

Buy the truckload.

What about you, Jeremy?

Well, actually, I don't buy the soap in my family. My wife does.

That's very interesting.

Because in my household, the pig -headed male housekeeper buys the laundry

detergent. You have a male housekeeper?

Certainly. Watch it, pal.

Interesting. Unusual. Very today.

So if women are the ones who are buying the soap, what would that mean, Mr.

Maselli?

That would mean my commercial stank.

I mean, I forgot rule number five.

Know your target audience.

Thank you, Your Highness.

And if women are my target audience, they probably wouldn't like to mud

as much as I do.

Ooh, I hate it when I'm wrong.

I hate it even more when you're right.

Thank you, Tony. I accept your apologies. Tony,

one more thing.

Your commercial wasn't the most offensive piece of junk I've ever seen.

I know you liked it. I know you liked it. Sit down, Mr. Maselli. Yes, ma 'am.

All right, then.

Now that we have cleared the air...

Does

this belong to someone?

I made you some tea and those yummy cookies you like.

Thank you, Tony.

Oh, gee, what are you doing?

Doing the grades?

Yep, I just got to Miss Ellie. Isn't that a coincidence?

Well, might I ask any changes?

Yes, Tony, in light of your new understanding of advertising, I have

change your grade.

I knew those cookies would get to you.

To a C.

A C?

Angela, I made those cookies from scratch.

We did have a slight behavior problem, didn't we?

Aw, rat.

All right, Tony.

I will forget about the airplane and the whoopee cushion and battle axe bower

and grade you just on the merits of your commercial, which means a B.

If you promise me that there will be no more childish pranks.

Deal? Deal.