Original subtitles

There is more to life than what you're lit. So take a chance and face the wind.

An open road and a road that's hit. Brand new life around the bend.

There were times I lost a dream or two.

Found a trail.

At the end was you.

There's a path we take and a path not taken. The choice is up to you, my

The nights are long, but you might awake to a brand new life, a brand new life,

a brand new life around the bend.

That's it. That's it.

Love the lens.

Love the lens?

Yeah, that's photographer's talk.

Come on, I don't know how I let you talk me into this calendar stuff.

Are you kidding me? A year's supply of hunks is a great way to raise money for

the animal shelter.

You know, animal for animal.

Okay, turn around.

You mean this way? No, no, all the way around.

Mona, what are you kidding me? You're going to picture me in my skivvies.

Yeah, I know.

Come on, come on. Don't be a sissy. No, no, Mona.

It's all right, girl.

Cute, huh? Nice?

Oh, come on. Oh, please.

This is disgusting.

It's humiliating.

Me, Mr. February, shortest month of the year.

Well, you do have the cutest little ditty.

You promise not to peep, Mona?

No, I think mother means the horrid little poem.

Tony cleans with manly power for ad exec Angela Bauer.

Well, I like it.

I wrote it, but I still like it.

This tasteless calendar has made the rounds of the office. It's now hanging

above the water cooler, turned conveniently to February.

Yeah?

Well, Angela, I didn't mean to make you feel so uncomfortable.

I guess that's just a little added bonus.

You know, Tony, you are no better.

You are so shallow.

Letting yourself be ogled like a piece of meat.

Excuse me, Angela.

I think the expression is side of beef.

Let me get that. Oh, no, no, no. No, Mr. Beef.

Hello.

Yes, this is ad exec Angela Bauer.

Yes, Mr.

February's here.

It's one of your calendar groupies. I just want to say one thing. Whoever this

woman is, she's only interested in you for your looks. You're just a hunk

hanging on her wall. A sex object.

Great. Give me the phone.

Hello? Yeah, this is Mr. February.

All 28 days of him.

Hey, I wish it was a leap year myself.

You like Mr.

March? He's available.

Not interested.

I was... Merely looking to see where Christmas falls this year.

Oh, the 25th. Good.

I said, that's a pretty name.

What? No, I'm not naked.

Hey, listen, you are?

Well, let's, uh, look, I'm really flattered. I really am, but, uh, I'm

tied up right now.

No, no, I mean busy.

Look, Cassandra, thanks a lot, but thanks anyway, but maybe some other

Okay. Yeah, bye.

You actually turned her down?

Hey, Angela, what are you kidding me? You think I'd just go out with anybody

even though I don't know them?

Tony, I take back what I said about being shallow.

She could be a real tire biter, you know.

For you, buddy, anything.

Make a muscle.

Watch this.

Here it is, girls.

A nickel a look.

Maximum attraction.

Jonathan, what are you doing charging these girls a nickel?

Really? My dad's worth at least a dime.

Hey, hey, and I want a piece of the action. And what about the talent?

He talked.

I am disappointed in you. I have a good mind to call your mothers.

Text on Mr. April.

We're overdeveloped, Tex.

Something an orthodontist's wife never gets to see, sweetheart.

Angela, let's get up to Mona's party and run barefoot through muscle.

Wendy, I'm not going to that tacky calendar signing party. I've got work to

The publisher's clearing house sweepstakes?

People win these.

Look at Mr. Smith of Scottsdale, Arizona.

Angela, if I go up there all alone, lose control and run off with a hunk and

Herb is left to raise those motherless children, it will be on your head.

Okay. Okay, I'll go.

I just want Herb to remember this when Jonathan needs braces.

It's a wonderful clinic.

We're talking state -of -the -art spay and neutering.

So sensitive. Unbelievable.

Here you are.

Say hello to Mr. Bucci. Okay.

Who's next?

We are.

Beautiful.

What's the matter? Cat got your tongue?

No.

He doesn't bite, does he?

No. But I might.

Who would you like me to sign this to?

Cassandra.

You're not the Cassandra I talked to on the phone.

The Cassandra you turned down for Friday night.

Oh, well, hey, that was because I didn't know you. Now that I know you, is 7 .30

okay?

Perfect.

Perfect. Felix, say hello to Mommy's new friend.

Hiya, Felix.

be just the two of us, right?

Look at all these men.

If I died tomorrow, I'd be happy, especially if I was with one of them.

Okay, you've seen them. Let's go. I've got to buy a calendar.

Oh, yoo -hoo, Mr. November.

Oh, Angela, there you are. What a nice surprise.

I'm afraid Mr.

March hasn't arrived yet.

I'm not interested in Mr. March or any other month. I'm just here for

teeth.

Oh, hi Nice kitty Big

kitty Would you like an hors d 'oeuvre?

I want one with liver or tuna We got cheese

We don't like cheese

to excuse us. We've got to get out of here.

Hey, hey, Angela.

Great party, huh? Who let that woman out of her cage?

That woman is Cassandra.

The one who called? Oh, it's a good thing you're not going out with her.

See you 7 .30 Friday.

Tiger.

You are going out with that creature?

No, I'm going out with the lady.

Goodbye.

Tony? Yeah, yeah.

You hardly know that woman. What could you two possibly have to talk about?

Oh, come on, Angela. There's a million things to do on a date besides talk.

I'm looking forward to every one.

Tony, you're letting your hormones run your life.

Someone's got to take charge.

Why wouldn't he go out with her? Angela, the woman, would make Herb's hair grow

back.

Personally, I don't see what all the fuss is about.

Excuse me.

I can't believe that anyone would find that kind of blatant sexuality.

Sorry I'm late. Gus McGee.

Mr. March.

Page six.

It's him. It's him.

Gus is here with happy tidings to install your gutters and aluminum

Can I sign somebody's calendar?

To Angela.

Angela Catherine Bauer. A single person.

Thank you.

Great party, Angela.

No, this isn't the party.

The party is around the back and up the stairs.

That sounds kind of complicated. Why don't you show me? She'd love to.

You'll find it. Just follow the noise.

You want to have dinner?

Oh, she'd love to.

Thank you. I've just eaten.

How about Friday night?

I couldn't possibly.

Angela, could I talk to you for a minute, please?

Excuse us, Gus.

Are you crazy, turning it down?

Don't you know that March goes in like a lion and out like a lion?

Wendy, what could I possibly have in common with this man?

Who cares?

I do.

Okay.

Tell me, Gus.

Do you like the theater?

Yeah. Saw Rambo for the fourth time.

I don't suppose you have any interest in ballet?

Modern art?

PBS?

He's not a renaissance man. He's gorgeous!

Angela, come on. We all know what.

Do it for every married woman in America.

I can't. What do you mean you can't, Angela? For once in your life, flow with

your juices. I mean, if Tony can do it, so can you.

Well, all right.

He does have Paul Newman eyes.

So, uh, Friday night?

8 .30?

Take it eight.

Mother. Mother. Mother.

My goodness. Well, I can see it's going to be a very casual evening.

This is just until Tony goes out on his date with Miss Kitty Litter.

But, you know, with Mr. March at your side, who'll notice?

Wait a moment, wait a moment. Oh, quiet night at home, I read you. Yes, very

quiet. That's good, that's good.

Isn't it about time for you to leave for your date?

Cassandra's picking me up.

Here? Yeah. She got a new cougar.

Hope that's a car.

Ooh, 7 .30.

Uh, what time is she coming? Well, I... Oh.

gorgeous, intriguing, and punctual. What more could I want?

How about human intelligence?

Hi, Cassandra.

Hi, Tony.

Hi.

Well, I bet you two are really hungry. The restaurants get so crowded on the

weekend. I got reservations.

Can I get you a drink? Oh, yes. There's a darling bar. It's right in the

village. Angel, Angel, Angel. I'm just thinking of having it here.

Hey.

What would you like? Can I get you a beer, wine, a zombie?

Do you have any milk?

Milk?

See that, Angel? Milk.

It does her body good.

You sleep with 16 cats.

wicker basket.

How unique.

Oh, look at the time.

Sixteen?

It's almost eight o 'clock. Shouldn't you be going? Oh, yeah, you're right.

We'll never make our reservations. Come on.

Oh, it's raining.

Oh, can't we just wait till it passes?

I hate to get wet. It makes me feel so icky.

Please. Well, you know, I hate when my dates feel icky.

It's just a little sprinkle. It's starting to clear up.

Oh, Cassandra.

You know, your nails are sort of piercing my flesh.

Does that mean you want me to stop?

Let's give it a try.

Hey, Gus.

Yeah?

Hi, Gus.

What are you doing here? What do we got? We got problems with our gutters?

I don't know. I just came to pick up my date. Hey, Angela.

Angela? Am I early?

You and him?

I don't want to hear one more word out of you. Oh, of course not. Not a word.

But what word is it you don't want to hear?

Is it ogle? Is it shallow?

Is it driven by hormones?

That's not a word. That's a phrase.

Excuse me, Gus. I have to change. I'll only be a minute.

A minute.

That's what they all say, Gus. We'll see.

Well,

here I am.

Hey, my favorite color.

Gus and I have so much in common. Shall we go?

Oh, Angela, it's raining cats and dogs out there.

Oh, I hate that expression.

Hey, I didn't believe we met. I'm Gus McGee.

Mr. March.

Page six.

Oh, sorry.

I never got past February.

Angela, I hope you've been taking care of your downspouts.

I beg your pardon?

Your gutters.

Yeah, your gutters can spell big trouble when it's raining.

Oh, yeah, that's a good point, Gus. Good point. You know, they hardly give you

any trouble when it's sunny.

Ah! You got me there!

I'm going to go ahead and check them for you, all right? Thank you.

Angela, how about a brewski, huh?

Coming right up, Skate.

Angela, Angela.

It's in the kitchen, in the refrigerator. That's that big white box

corner there.

Maybe I'll help you. Angela, come here.

I'll be right back.

What?

What? What?

What I'm doing is different than what you're doing. Oh, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I'm going out with a beautiful, sexy woman. You're going out with one of

the great intellects of our time.

All right.

I was blinded by his body. I admit it. Are you satisfied?

True. I'm just getting warmed up.

Let's make this quick and painless. I admit to everything you're thinking.

Everything? Everything.

Nothing in common? Nothing in common. Okay.

Then I admit that Cassandra and I are not exactly a match made in heaven.

Really? Yes. In fact, I was even thinking of calling the whole thing off.

You were?

Yeah. She's sexy.

I know.

But, but, there's something about a girl who keeps using your rod as a

scratching post.

Well, at least she's not boring. I mean, she's twisted and bizarre and sort of

creepy, but she's not boring.

Then there's Mr.

March. Page six.

The great communicator. Well, look, he's a hunk.

Yeah, that's all.

Tony? Yeah?

I don't want to go out on this date.

Me either.

I'm scared.

Cassandra, the rain has stopped.

What's that?

Oh, this is Grover. This is my best friend. He likes you. Look.

You're a dog person.

Yeah, well, you know, me and Grover, we go way back.

Oh, Tony, dog people and cat people just don't mix.

Oh, I'm so sorry you feel that way, Cassandra, really. Oh, no, I'm sorry,

because this would have been a night you would have remembered for the rest of

your life.

It's such a long time.

Oh, tough luck, pal.

Angela, those gutters are a disgrace.

You're on.

Gus, I have to tell you the truth.

All right.

Callum.

Although I'm physically attracted to you, that's all there is.

Terrific. I just don't think that that's enough to build a relationship on.

Who wants a relationship?

No, Angela, I just thought we could go out and have some fun tonight.

You know, a great dinner. Maybe a little dancing.

Romantic nightcap by a cozy fire.

What a day.

What happened, Mona?

Well, I have been asked to resign as chairperson for the Fairfield Animal

Shelter. You're kidding me. Wait a minute. I thought those calendars were

selling like beefcakes.

Yeah, they were.

And after all my good work with spaying and neutering, Grover snuck out and got

a cocker spaniel in trouble.

You dirty dog.

And you, you better wipe that smile off your face.

Bad dog. You bum, you. I'm shocked.

I am shocked.

I'm shocked.

Was she cute?

Give me some skin.