Original subtitles

Sergeant. What's the point?

What?

What's this?

Dandruff, sir.

On report.

What's the point?

What?

All present and correct, sir.

Carry on, Captain Tridge.

Squad!

Number five is free now.

Excuse me.

Number five is free now. Thank you very much.

Excuse me.

May I? You put them in there.

I thought these machines were supposed to be wholly automatic.

No, the housewife likes to feel she's taking some part in the process.

There you are.

What are those for?

Well, when the red light comes on for the first time, you put the first lot of

soap in, and when it comes on for the second time, you put the second soap in.

Well, that's quite an adventure.

Why don't you get your Batman to do it for you? He's down with a chill.

Yes, Captain Trench's Batman.

You look after him, he'll look after you.

Private Jessop, sir. I'm doing some of Captain Trench's things. I suppose I

could look after yours, you know.

That's extremely good of you.

Oh.

Hold on a sec.

There we are. Oh, that's very nice of you, sir.

You come here often?

A lot of the lads use this place, sir. It's better than the regimental laundry.

They make a terrible mess of your things. That's worth knowing.

You're new here, aren't you, sir? That's right.

Well, although it is a severe establishment, we'd like to give Angela

support. Angela?

Mrs. Craig.

She's a widow of one of the corporals here.

Widow? What happened to the corporal?

She had an accident cleaning his rifle.

Didn't you hear about it? Oh, yes, I recall something about it. It was very

luck. Right through the heart.

She was pretty cut up about it at the time, but she's back on her feet now.

She's got this place.

Oh, she owns it, eh?

The lads had a whip round and bought it for her, sir.

Oh, had some whip round.

Well, the officers did most of the whipping.

Oh, there are a grand bunch here, sir. There's a fine esprit de corps, if you

get my meaning.

There she goes.

Oh, oh, allow me.

There. That didn't hurt, did it?

Oh,

you needn't get up, French.

After all, I'm no longer a serving officer.

No, sir, not at the moment. What are you doing?

I'm working on a few manoeuvres, sir. Oh, yes? Have they been approved?

HQ agree with the overall plan. The fine details have been left to me. I take it

I have you to thank for that, sir. Well, I did have a quiet word with Brigadier

Gatling. He agreed that the main purpose of the exercise is to allow the maximum

amount of initiative to the younger officers.

Of course, I had to promise to keep an eye on you.

Your artillery units are rather poorly clustered, aren't they? It's the problem

of sighting, sir. There are a few positions from the south when it

Blackheath, Richmond Park... But not very much from the north and west. Well,

there's very little open country, sir. What about Hampstead Heath, Parliament

Hill? Now, there's a perfect position. Direct line of fire right across the

city. If we can penetrate that fire... What the devil's your light armour

They could be down the A1 into Highgate in three hours. There'll be heavy

civilian traffic. Well, get it off the road. If you're going to worry about

civilian traffic, Trench, you're beaten before you begin. But this is only an

exercise, sir.

Simulated battle conditions, Trench. Take the word of an old hand, clear the

road and occupy the high ground. Yes, sir. And what about the airport?

The number four paratroop detachment is standing by to take Heathrow. If you get

a strong wind, you'll be scattered all over the city. But if the transports

come, we won't. Infantry, Trench, infantry.

The only man you can depend on in battle is the man with two feet in the ground.

He's bearing it in his hand.

Come in.

This will be the area in front of you. Thank you.

When did you have them taken? Yesterday afternoon, sir. Good thinking, French.

Good thinking. Key objectives in central London, sir. Oh, yes.

What's this one?

Buckingham Palace, sir.

So it is.

Yes, so it is.

I suppose it never occurred to you that you don't put leather in a washing

machine? Really? Why not?

Cows must get wet sometimes. They don't run.

They're not dyed.

Tell you what I'll do, take them straight back, give them a thorough

Don't worry, just swipe somebody else's next time. In the First World War, the

Highland Guard took part in the assault on Vimy Ridge and was reduced to three

officers, twelve men and two horses, thus achieving undying fame.

Unfortunate choice of words.

They were formed and fought with distinguished gallantry throughout the

World War and are now stationed at Maroon Barracks, South Kensington.

That's handy.

Aren't you interested?

Should I be?

You're more to the point if you're telling me something about Captain

Well, he's the adjutant of the regiment. He made out the report on Corporal

Craig's death. Now, Corporal Craig, according to the report, was cleaning an

automatic rifle.

The thing went off and fired three shots into his chest.

Three? That's careless.

Army intelligence thought so, too. They took the precaution of exhuming his body

a very short time ago, and they found that the three bullets had been fired by

different rifles.

Why can't Army intelligence handle it themselves?

Well, it has rather wide implications.

Now, what I want you to do is to get in touch with Captain Trench and kind of,

well, infiltrate the regiment.

Won't I be noticed?

He runs all sorts of extra activities, you know. Civil defence, for instance.

Meals on wheels, that sort of thing.

And you know that his team run a very good form of instruction.

They even have unarmed combat.

How very fortuitous.

Hi, lads. Now, it's disarming from a rear attack. Jones?

Aye, Collins.

You wouldn't last long with that approach, Mr. Collins. Use your other

arm for the stranglehold, right hand for the other rifle.

Now, try it again.

Let me show you.

All right, son.

Can I help you?

I hope so. This is the Civil Defense Center, isn't it? Yes, it is, yes. Oh,

good. Well, I just enrolled at the town hall. They told me to come straight

here. I'm afraid they've made a mistake.

Oh, why?

Well, ladies' classes are held in the evenings.

After -bomb care, field kitchens, that sort of thing. Tuesdays and Thursdays, I

think it is. Oh, but I've enrolled for the unarmed combat course.

Oh.

Oh, well, then you have come to the right place.

My name is Tretch.

And yours?

Gail. Mrs. Catherine Gail.

Right, Mrs. Gail.

Do you know anything at all about unarmed combat?

A little.

Well, I suppose we could try you on a few simple holds.

Sergeant Marsh.

This is Mrs. Gale. She'll be joining the course.

Now, Mrs. Gale, supposing, for example, you were faced with a knife attack.

Now, how would you deal with that?

Front or rear?

Let's say frontal.

Assume the sergeant here has a knife.

Sorry. Is that all right? Very good.

Now let's try a surprise attack from the rear.

Excellent. That will be all for now.

Thank you. Pleasure, Mrs. Gale. That will be all, Sergeant.

Bye, boys.

May I ask where you land, Mrs. Gale? In Edinburgh.

An uncle of mine taught me.

He seems to have made a good job of it. Did he teach you anything else?

Yes, a little sword work. Back sword, mainly. Really?

Yes, I was trained with the Claymore.

That's unusual.

Well, really, it's a family heirloom. One of my ancestors fought with Charles

Edward Stuart at Preston Pans.

That's interesting. Which clan?

Clan of Moidart.

Mrs. Gill, you should meet my colonel, the honorary colonel of my regiment.

His ancestors were stewards.

Really? Yes, I'd like to. Would this evening be too soon?

This evening?

Yes, we're having a regimental cocktail party in the mess hall. Perhaps you'd

care to be my guest.

Yes, I'd like to.

Ah, yes, indeed, that was in 18, just before the armistice. No, it couldn't

been, my dear, because, you remember, Kim was wounded in the July.

Well, anyway, he could come down the line to inspect our forward positions,

see, and Kim had rigged up some kind of rudimentary shower bath in one of the

trenches, and there he was standing, naked as on the day he was born.

Would you like another whiskey, dear? Yes, of course. Ah, yes.

All of a sudden, this staff lieutenant comes marching in. You see, excuse me,

sir, he says, but Phil Marshall Hague would like a word with you. Send him in,

Kim said. And there he was, standing without a stitch of clothing on, and in

marches Hague.

Red is a bit rude, of course.

Captain Fred.

Lady Bollinger.

I'm sorry I'm late, Colonel. Oh, yes, just you to butt in and spoil a good

story, eh? I'm sorry, sir. Well, now, now, don't go away before you've

introduced us to your lady friend.

Mrs. Catherine Gale, Lady Bollinger. How do you do?

Brigadier General Sir Ian Stuart Bollinger, Honorary Colonel of the

Oh, how do you do? This is Major Steed. He used to be in the Tank Corps before

he was bowled her hat. How do you do? Nice to meet you, Mrs. Gale. Pleasure's

mine. Yes, Major Steed is writing a history of the Highland Regiments. I'm

giving him a little bit of background.

Would you like a drink, Mrs.

Gale? Yes, thank you. Excuse me, sir. The band would like to know if there's

special tune you'd like them to play. Well, let's have the old Jacobite battle

hymn, the White Cocaine, unless any of you has any objections, of course. I'm

sure Mrs. Gale has one of her antecedents fought with Charles Edwards.

Oh -ho. Cameron of Lockheed.

Oh, then you're more than welcome here.

The Braves of Mar, yes, Trent.

Let's have the White Cocaine. Right, yeah. We really ought to go and talk to

Fergusons. You know, they've been trying to get your attention all evening. Oh,

yes, of course. Well, Steve, I shall have to... We're asking you to excuse

Now, you look after Mrs. Gale. I haven't finished that story. I'm coming back.

I'm coming back.

Now, perhaps you'll explain.

Explain what?

I spent the whole afternoon with that crushing boy, Trench, because he wanted

to infiltrate the region.

Now I find it's a sheer waste of time. Why?

Well, you seem to have got well worked in before I even arrived.

It's the pincer movement.

You take care of Trench, I'll get Pally with the general.

You've given me a choice. I think I prefer the general.

Well, he caught his eye anyway.

Good evening, good thing.

What do you think he's got to do with Corporal Craig after all he's been

from the regiment for five years? That's his record. He has a good deal of

influence here, particularly on this army exercise. Now, if you gleaned a few

details from him, you'd get the opportunity. You were saying, Majesties,

this attack on Berserta?

Yes, we were going along the coast road and rumbled open fire with 75mm on our

right flank. From the sea, Major?

I beg your pardon? If you were advancing along the coast road to Berserta, your

right flank would have been the Mediterranean.

We went round in a circle.

I don't seem to recall that. Were you there, young man? No, but I've read all

can about the desert campaign.

Don't believe all you read. The complexities of the campaign will be

my next volume. I'll send you an advance copy.

Excuse me, Miss Gale.

Everybody seems to have a different version.

Yes, I suppose everybody sees the battle differently.

Ah, Trench, go and rescue my poor wife, will you? That blasted Ferguson woman's

got her trapped out in a corner.

Yes, sir. Well, Steed.

I was telling him some of the exploits of my wilder colleagues in the Highland

Brigade in the Great War, but I don't suppose you're interested in that, Mrs.

Gay. As a matter of fact, I am. I've just finished reading Bentall's History

World War I. I find it fascinating.

Oh, how interesting.

Who is she?

Who? You know who.

That blonde.

Mrs. Gale.

Just a friend. Well, be careful.

You're beginning to behave like an officer.

It would be a pity if I had to return you to the ranks.

Who goes there?

Goodness me. I'm totally sorry. I'm a friend.

I've lost my way. I almost found my way back to the mess.

I'm having a little breather here and couldn't find my way back.

Straight down there.

Left at the end.

That's very good of you. Thank you.

Good night.

Regret Hamish. What's come over you?

Oh, well, me the most of it.

What was that toffee -nosed bloke wanted?

He was looking for the mace.

Said he'd lost his way.

Well, he would, wouldn't he?

Well, as far as I can make out from the General, the major objectives of the

exercise are these.

Highly desirable.

The Central Telegraph Office, St. Martin -le -Grand.

The Air Ministry, the Admiralty, the War Office, the Ministry of Defence, the

New Scotland Guard.

That tallies?

Tallies with what?

With the military requirements they submitted to the War Office for

How do you know?

I was having a look at them.

Well, if you already know, there's not much point in my going on, is there?

Well, you just compare notes to see if they check.

Suppose you tell me what you know.

It's called Operation Claymore.

Now, it surprised me.

It's to start two hours before dawn next Wednesday, as prime reason is the mock

defence of London against imaginary enemy attack.

What's the ultimate purpose of the show?

Keep the troops on their toes, I should think. War officers are very keen on

these peacetime manoeuvres. It keeps them out of trouble.

What's all this got to do with Corporal Craig?

Very little, as far as I can see, and this evening produced nothing positive.

What are you going to do now?

I'm going to return to barracks.

I thought you'd have had enough. I certainly have. When the bugle sounds,

calls, and there I am.

Well, if you feel that way, you might as well re -enlist.

I'm waiting for a national emergency for that. At the moment, I'm just going on

a little recce.

Anything you want to draw from Storrs?

Yes, but I doubt if you'd issue it.

Who goes there, Captain Trench?

Everything all quiet, Asquith? Aye, sir. All quiet, sir. Carry on.

You hungry, Major Steed?

How much ammunition was there in the cookhouse? Enough to fight an entire

campaign. I presume there is an official ammunition store at Maroon Barracks.

Well, of course there is. There's a little private enterprise within the

regiment. Private Jessup?

I'd hardly like it, wouldn't I? Well, he was the one who took the bribe.

Precisely. He had me at the point of a gun. If the stuff had been his, I doubt

if I'd be here now. Can you imagine a private nicking the contents of an

arsenal, taking over a cookhouse, and mounting a guard over it?

Would certainly earn him the outward bound prize for individual initiative.

Well, it's just earned him 50 quid from me.

Surely only an officer can authorise the mounting of a guard?

French. Oh, Steve, there are about 30 other officers in the regiment. Why pick

on him? A, because he's the adjutant, must know about the guard. B, I saw him

checking the sentry.

And C, because it could explain Corporal Craig's death.

What could?

Well, Corporal Craig could have stumbled on the cookhouse the same way as I did

and not been lucky enough to find anyone as conveniently corrupt as Jethro.

And we shot there and then.

With three different rifles.

Have you found out yet who he is?

Oh, he's definitely an ex -officer.

Are you sure?

Of course I'm sure. You can always tell that Major Steed's a gentleman.

What's he always hanging around for?

Well, you know, we tell he's writing a book.

What on? Laundry?

Ow!

Are you all right, sir?

Well, it's not whether you can do any better with it. Look, I'll give you a

hand, sir. It's quite simple, really.

There you are.

Must have got badly stuck.

There she goes.

Ah, you're a clever girl, aren't you? Wonderful.

We'll win the Cambridge here at this rate.

That's beautiful.

Anyway, I'll have a good night's sleep, won't I?

Thank you very much, my dear. I'm extremely... Oh, no, I've gone and

entire thing.

You'll never do it that way, sir. Just lift one end up.

I really am sorry.

What? I'll just bring your end. Ah, simple when you know how.

Do you happen to know that your husband was murdered? I beg your pardon?

Or was it because he was afraid of your boyfriend?

I don't know what you're talking about.

You and Captain Trench used to go together when he was a corporal in

Then Corporal Craig came along, you married him instead, and Trench never

forgave him, did he? Who told you all this?

You tried to still go with Trench, hoping that your husband wouldn't find

But he did need thumb trench all around the back. That's the goal of me.

Confessing he did a murder, that could put you away for a long time. Murder?

My husband was executed.

He was a traitor.

Unarmed combat is to prevent your antagonist from crying out and giving

alarm. Now, where would you say was the most important part of the body to

concentrate on in order to achieve that?

The throat, I imagine.

Almost correct. The larynx, to be exact.

Let me give you an example.

I'll just use a very slight pressure and you'll see what I mean.

Mrs.

Gale.

Ah, that's what I call the true Highland spirit, lass.

You mustn't stand any nonsense from Trench, you know. He is a good soldier,

he was born on the wrong side of the prospect.

I'll, uh, go and get changed.

It's you I really wanted to see, Mrs. Gale.

Oh? What about?

I wonder... I wonder if you would meet me in the mess after lunch.

All right.

I don't know why my husband insists on having all his trophies on display every

time he throws a regimental party.

It only means I've got to take them all home again.

Oh, it's always very patterned. Oh, isn't that a Japanese gobbler? Yes, it

May I see it?

I'm afraid I can't be very much help to you, Majesty.

I'm sure you can be a great help, Lady Bollinger. It's not just factual

I'm after. It's personal experiences.

I want my book to come alive, you know. Oh, yes, quite.

And I'm particularly interested in your husband. I'm going to devote an entire

chapter to him. Well, shouldn't you be directing your questions to him rather

than me?

Oh, he's so, what's the word, deferential about his achievements.

Oh, do you really think so?

Well, I suppose he has done a very great deal for his country. And still is,

despite the fact that he's retired.

I'm afraid you've touched on rather a sore point there, Major.

You would have liked him to retire completely.

Well, the extraordinary thing is, he did, to begin with. For two years, he

practically no contact with the army. He was totally immersed in his studies.

What studies?

Scottish history.

It became his absorbing passion.

Do you know, he even wanted to retire to the Highlands.

I'm afraid I wouldn't hear of it. I should miss London dreadfully. Of

Then he got into lineage and tracing clan antecedents, finally down to our

adopted son, James.

I don't quite see the connection.

Neither did I, and I can assure you, neither did the College of Heralds. But

simply regards that as Sassenach antagonism.

You mean... He has decided that he has definite proof that our son James is the

rightful heir to the throne of Scotland, and thus the throne of England as well.

What did your son think about this? James? Well, I'm afraid he couldn't care

less. He seems perfectly happy in his chosen profession.

Which is?

Well, we don't usually talk about this outside the family, Major, but he's a

bookmaker in Alifax.

Oh. We should never have sent him to Eton.

To return to your husband's renewed military influence. Well, the two seem

connected. Now, that's what worries me. As I said, he is convinced that the

Stuarts were cheated of the throne.

And that your son...

The bookmaker.

Precisely.

The military side will be purely our concern. When this phase has been

accomplished, however, we shall naturally wish to count on your support

consolidate position.

That might not be as easy as you think.

I can only guarantee a cruiser's problem because it's under my personal command,

but I can't speak for the rest of the home fleet. I understood they were on

manoeuvres off the Azores. So they are, but they're still within range of

carrier -based aircraft, and the Med fleet's even closer.

It'll be under steam in Gibraltar on Wednesday morning. They'll take our

from the Admiralty. Precisely, and the whole damn lot will be back in the

Channel by Saturday. I don't think you fully understand, Harry. By 8 o 'clock

Wednesday morning, the Admiralty will be in our hands.

You don't honestly think the First Sea Lord's going to order the fleet to heave

to because you'd tell him to?

By 8 .30, you will be the First Sea Lord.

Just as Bruce here will be the air chief marshal and Duncan over there in charge

of all marine forces.

But what about political administration?

There won't be any political administration.

Well, then how the devil are you going to run the country? The country will be

placed under the sovereignty of the Royal House of Stuart with military and

naval advisers.

I'll go along with that, Ian, but I'm very doubtful whether you'll pull it

You just don't have the forces available. How many men are Charles

when he drove the Hanoverians down from the highlands to Derby? A mere handful.

I've got a regiment.

Yes, but you're up against modern atomic weapons. They're useless, Harry.

Useless, the whole damn lot of them, because nobody dares to let them off.

By the time my men are in key positions, the only way to get them out will be by

hand -to -hand fighting. By that time, it'll be too late, because we shall be

power. Gentlemen, I give you a toast.

To the royal house of God.

What? There's a fire in the building.

Down the corridor, sir. French, he will commit. Don't about this immediately.

Major Steed, you're under arrest.

Not again.

Stop!

Oh, I'm terribly sorry to have kept you waiting, Mrs. Gale. We had a little bit

of a fracas over in the admin block.

Yes, I heard the fire alarm. Nothing serious, I hope. No, it's all under

now, thank you. Good.

What was it you wanted to see me about? Well, I think we should talk in my

office. Oh, I didn't know you had an office here. No, officially, since I'm

retired, I haven't got an office in the barracks, but you know I like a pied -à

-terre, and the adjutant let me have this little place. I fitted it out

After you, Mrs. Gale. Thank you.

Well, now, can I get you a drink?

Thank you.

Whiskey? That'll be fine. I've got something rather special here. It's sent

the way down from Aberdeen.

It's 25 years old and very finely blended.

There you are.

Thank you.

Sláinte. Sláinte.

What do you think of my collection?

Very fine.

Oh, it won't always be like this, Mrs. Gale, hiding my treasures away in a

cupboard.

In order to avoid being made an object of ridicule, I intend to retire to

Invernesshire and start living the sort of life I've always wanted.

With all my clansmen around me and a thousand acres of moor under my feet,

I'm... Tired of being an exile from my native land, and as soon as this is

over... As soon as what's over, General?

Mrs. Gale, have you ever tried to trace your family history?

Once, but I gave up when I got to my great -grandfather.

Well, I've taken the trouble to go a good bit further than that.

When Trench told me that you were... you were a Clan Ronald...

I thought he was putting it all on for my benefit.

But I'm not quite such an old fool as he seems to think, you know.

I never thought you were, General. No, look at these lineage charts, Mrs. Gale.

How on earth did you manage to compile these?

I got them from the curator of the Bruce Museum in Kinross.

He's probably the most learned Highland historian in the whole country. He's a

very good friend of mine. Can you follow that?

Mm -hmm, just about.

You see, it shows a pure line right back to Kirsten of Moydart in the 15th

century.

Clan Ronald, as you see, became the McDonalds of Clan Ronald.

And the McDonalds of Clan Ronald harbored Charles Edward Stuart when he

from France to lead the Jacobites. Yes, I did know that.

What you probably did not know was that Charles Stuart had a bastard son by

Agnes MacDonald, your 18th grandmother.

No, that's news to me.

It's always been a close secret.

General, I don't quite see what you're getting at.

Look at the chart, Mrs.

Gale. Come right up to the present day now. Whom do you see there in direct

succession from that union?

Well, on the one line, James Stuart Bollinger. Yeah, my adopted son. And

him, yourself.

Oh, so I'm related to your adopted son.

More than that.

It means that you're second in line of succession to the Scottish throne.

Me? That's fantastic.

Nevertheless, it's true.

My son has refused it. I'm not going to press him.

Refuse what?

The crown.

In 24 hours' time, you'll hold yourself ready to take up the accession. You'll

be known to your subjects as Queen Anne II.

I thought I was entitled to an officer to

defend me.

This is a drumhead, court -martial.

But those are only held on the battlefield.

Or on the eve of battle, where there is no time to conduct a full inquiry.

Has the prisoner been searched for weapons?

Yes, sir. No weapons.

Right.

Escort an accused.

Jump!

Right.

Escort. Stand at ease.

Bring the prisoner forward.

Accused, one place forward. March.

My friend, read out the charges.

What? That the prisoner, Major John Steed, on the afternoon of the 5th of

did cause malicious damage to be occasioned to one smoke bomb, being the

property of our sovereign lady, the Queen.

Have you any answer to the first charge, Steed?

It was an accident, sir. I was giving one of your chaps a hand.

And that he did bribe a private soldier to assist him in this act. Where's the

man he bribed? He's in the guardhouse, sir. He's admitted the evidence. Oh,

come, come now. That's not good enough, Trench.

I'd like him called as a witness.

Yes, certainly. You're entitled to that.

I'm afraid he's not able to appear, sir. He was injured while resisting an

arrest, but he signed a full statement of confession.

No, no, no. I can't accept that as evidence.

Then may I proceed with the next charge? Well, provided it's better

substantiated than the first one.

Hear, hear.

that the said Major Steed, by thus setting up an alarm... Now, hold on a

It hasn't been proved that I did set up an alarm.

The charge stands without it, sir. Very well, then. Let's hear it.

Did obtain access to a secret staff meeting and examined documents relating

thereto. With what intent?

In my view, sir... No, no. Let Steed answer that.

Would you repeat the question?

What was your intention in examining those secret documents?

To see if they were secret. For all I knew, they might have been doodles.

Having discovered that they were indeed secret, what did you propose to do with

them? To destroy them, of course, sir. I was just in the process of chewing them

up when your young captain here came bumbling in.

Bring forward Exhibit A.

Oh, so we have a...

A second spy amongst us, eh? I demand the same penalties for Corporal Craig,

sir. Before I pass sentence, did he have you anything to say for yourself?

No.

Escort, shun!

Major Steed is presiding officer of the Steel Court Martial. I hereby sentence

you to be executed by firing squad in accordance with military tradition.

Excuse me, sir. If you could delay the execution a little, I'd like time to

interrogate him first.

Very well, Captain. I'll leave that to you.

You can find the prisoner.

It's a pity about that, sir.

But you've done quite good.

Oh, never mind.

It's dead quick.

Ah, French.

Well, I must say I consider our plan of attack for tomorrow morning to be

absolutely a foolproof. I hope so, sir, but I'm worried about Steve.

What? I couldn't break him down in interrogation, sir, but he was clearly

working for someone and presumably passing back information as fast as he

it. Now, what do you mean? Suppose he was working for the War Office.

They could know exactly what we planned and be sitting there waiting for us

tomorrow morning. What are you suggesting?

My men are ready now, General. I could have them on the road in an hour's time

if necessary. The longer we wait, the more risk there is of discovery.

Yes, you're made right.

Undue delay is bad for the troops' morale.

All right.

But give me two hours.

I have some preparations of my own to make. Right, sir. Well, I'll not say

luck now, because I want you to give me a call half an hour before you give the

order to attack.

I may have some final instructions myself. That won't leave me much time,

Now, now, now. Relax, Trench. Relax.

And that's an order.

It's a blown 58, sir.

It's a lousy year. Can't you say anything better than that? Well, we have

cordon vert, but it's a bit on the sharp side.

My last meal on earth, all you can provide is a 58.

What sort of officer's mess is this? I don't know. It's really poor on shampoo,

sir. It's dead poor.

Sorry. When I was in the Pioneer Corps, you know, we had a beautiful cellar. Oh,

beautiful. I wish you'd stayed in the Pioneer Corps.

Well, missed all the perks I get here.

Look, if you're going to open that, you'd better be quick. I'm going to be

in half an hour.

Why, it doesn't give you much time, does it?

Oh, Jessup.

Jessup, can't we get divorced just until I've finished my meal? Oh, no, sir.

It's more than my job's worth, sir.

Here. Drop that down.

All right?

Don't ruin the pheasant. Have some yourself.

No, thank you very much, sir.

Just some. Sir?

We've reached into my hip pocket. We could find our wallet here.

It's not worth it, sir.

Why not?

There's nothing in it. Don't forget our search, do you?

Let's look there.

We'll look on that as a down payment, okay?

Look, you helped me before.

Oh, I didn't help you, sir. I just... Didn't he see you?

It's different now, you see. I'm under orders.

You're not going to catch me up against that wall like poor old Craig. Oh, that

was very unpleasant.

Were you there?

I was detailed.

Part of the fine squad?

Orders is orders.

Mind you, I aimed for his left arm.

I could accord you the same privilege if you like, sir.

Well, that's very thoughtful of you, Chas.

Wouldn't do you any good, though. The rest are red hot.

Would you like the cheese board to follow, sir?

OK.

How about an IOU?

Oh, not a hope.

5 ,000 quid? Without wishing to be disrespectful, sir, your credit's a bit

at the moment, isn't it?

Knife. Come on.

If you're thinking of us going through that window, sir, I'm 15 stone.

It's electrified.

It's all too ridiculous, Mrs. Gale. You're living in a dream world.

That regiment standing by in St. James's Park isn't a dream world.

That's for a ceremonial parade. It won't be armed.

Are you sure? It's quite impossible to use an entire regiment with arms and

ammunition without the War Office knowing about it.

The three platoons under Captain Trench coming in from the suburbs are armed.

The staff must have been pilfered over a long period.

That might be possible for three platoons.

How did you know about this, Mrs. Gale?

I've been getting quite friendly with Captain Trench.

Then I'm sorry for you. Are you speaking from experience?

I'm afraid I am.

I see now that I was a complete fool.

Of course, he played on my affections for all he was worth.

He is ruthless and ambitious and completely untrustworthy.

Does your husband share this view? I don't know what he thinks of him. I

make out the relationship at all. I'd hoped you'd know something about that.

I only know that if you want to prevent your husband ending up on a treason

trial... Treason trial?

Hello? Yes, dear.

Oh, yes, she is. Just a moment.

It's your husband. Oh.

Hello?

Yes.

Yes, I am.

Oh, well, hang on a moment. I'll ask her. He just wanted to know if you'd

to come to the mess tonight.

Yes, I'd love to. She'd love to, dear.

You'll be late, will you?

Why, where are you?

Oh.

Well, is everything all right?

Oh, no, no, no. I just wondered.

Goodbye, dear.

He was phoning from the war office.

What?

Carry on, Sergeant.

Sir!

All right.

Make way.

Oh, well.

They're playing our tune.

President Escort, shut!

About wheel, quick mark.

Escort will retire to the firing squad.

Squad! Load!

Aim!

Fire!

Squad! Unlock!

Private Jessup.

March away, Sergeant.

Sir!

I have an urgent appointment with the general.

I'll leave you to dispose of the body. Very good, sir.

Are you sure this stipend's worth 750 guinea, sir? Ask any Bond Street

Because the lads will be pretty cut up if you pull the flask on them.

I suppose you realise that I was really dead. You could have had that anyway.

What, loot a dead body? Oh, no, no, no.

There's some on the left in this regiment.

Aren't they glad to hear it, Joseph? Besides, if I got caught, I'd get two

in the glass shoes.

Aren't you joining in?

No, I'm not very good at that.

There must be a black mark against you in the general's eyes. Have you seen him

by any chance?

No, I talked to him on the telephone about an hour ago. Why?

It's just that I had an appointment with him and he's not normally late.

Maybe it's with Major Steed.

What makes you say that?

Major Steed was invited tonight, but he hasn't turned up either.

Really?

Ladies and gentlemen, ladies and gentlemen.

I apologize for interrupting your enjoyment, but I have a grave

make. Ladies and gentlemen, fellow officers, many of you must have wondered

I've been taking such an active interest in my old regiment now that I'm

officially retired.

I know my wife certainly did. I think she put it down to the senile

sentimentality of an old soldier.

It's given me some distress.

that I was unable to explain my activity to her, but now I am in a position to

tell you all. Ian, you're drunk.

On the contrary, my dear, I've never been more sober in my life. Ladies and

gentlemen, over the past few months, I have been able to discover details of a

treasonable military plot against Her Majesty's government.

Within the past half hour, I have submitted these details to the chiefs of

in the War Office.

Seize that man!

Put him under close arrest. Keep him in the guard room.

Pipe out.

The... Eat some real, please.

Ladies and gentlemen, on with the dark.

Excuse me, sir. There's a war

officer on the phone. They want to speak to you urgently.

Yes, sure.

What do you think of that?

It doesn't add up, Steve.

The general were out to expose the court. Why would he wait until the

ready to march?

I need a positive proof against Trench.

That Jacobite kick of his was genuine enough. He even convinced himself I was

descended from Bonnie Prince Charlie.

What? He thinks I'm Finn and the second.

If you'd been around, you'd have got an invitation to my coronation. If I'd

known, I'd even have gone in front of a firing squad. I would have cried to you

for a royal pardon.

As it is, I lost my best diamond title.

Why would it put you in front of a firing squad?

Who's trying to keep up an axe in front of a French shore? That's going a bit

far. Well, a little far.

Down over.

French troops are already on the march. One of his clown columns is just in

front of him.

Dear officers, gentlemen, may I have your attention, please.

Within the past 15 minutes, on a signal from Captain Trench, insurrectionist

troops have begun to advance on London.

The war officers have requested me to assume command of this regiment and

organize the defense of the city.

Gentlemen, you will return and report immediately to your unit commanders.

Arms and ammunition are being issued now.

where the whole regiment is under arms with the full blessing of the War

I'd better go and express my loyalty to the General.

Oh, excuse me, Your Majesty.

Excuse me.

All right.

Signal,

sir.

Sea platoon have reached Piccadilly underpass. Excellent.

Are we not going to join them, sir?

We need you at HQ, Captain Fence.

Thank you, Jessop.

Jessop?

I didn't have much choice, did I?

Have you not got trench yet?

No, sir. I've tried all three platoons. Well, keep on trying.

I hope there's not going to be any bloodshed, General. No, no, no. Just a

sporadic firing to make it look convincing. And then I shall order

surrender.

And between us we'll be in command of all the key positions.

And when the government realises what's happening... It'll be too late. We'll

have this city under martial law. Excuse me, sir. I've got Queen Anne on the

line. She wants to see you in the mess hall immediately.

Oh, I can't.

Possibly leave here not. She says it's a royal summons, sir.

Oh, very well.

The general's on his way over now, ma 'am.

They're on their way. Right.

You may rise, General.

I'm afraid the operation's been cancelled.

It's too late, Steege.

Trench has ordered to carry on if anything happens to me.

Trench is dead.

I'm afraid he had no intention of waiting till anything happened to you.

He was going to take over as soon as the coup succeeded.

I don't believe that.

The coup will succeed. It must succeed. I've spent two years planning this.

That's what the War Office wanted to know, General.

All right, General.

C .I .G .S. would like a word with you.

You could have been on the throne of England.

This church might have been back in power.

Those lineage charts were fake, General.

I arranged it with the curator.

Thank goodness for them.

So.

Well.

It came with a lass.

It'll go with a lass.