Original subtitles

Honey, have you seen my other black belt?

Aha! I knew it!

For some time now, I've suspected that there's a significance to the black

The one you're holding is the every day my shoes are black, I need to hold my

pants up black belt.

But this one, this is the special occasion black belt. Today is your first

of work at your father's company, hence the craving for Mr. Lucky.

I don't have some kind of special black belt.

The plaid boxers with the button fly?

Oh, hi, Donald. Hey, Donald. Hey, guys.

What's the special occasion?

Today's Greg's first day at Montgomery Industries.

Oh.

We got your mail again. Oh, thank you.

And I brought this comic book for Dharma.

Did you do this?

Yeah. Guy Kinko says it's the best comic book he's run up all week.

The Blonde Tornado.

Yeah, she has all the power of a tornado.

And she's blonde.

And she's you.

Hey, it's me.

Wow, I'm hot.

Well, I might have used Dharma as a jumping off point, but actually the

tornado is a mixture of a number of people I know. Who all look just like

Dharma.

So what are the blonde tornado's powers besides being able to inflate her breath

to twice their normal size?

Well, she can turn herself into a tornado and wreak havoc wherever she

Just like the real one.

Who's the runty guy with the briefcase and the suit?

That's your mild -mannered sidekick.

I gotta go to class.

See you, Donald. Thanks for thinking of me. Well, actually, I wasn't thinking of

you. I mean, of course I was thinking of you. Bye. Are you okay with that?

Yeah, why?

Well, because there's a weird kid downstairs drawing dirty pictures of

They're not dirty. Oh, come on. What do you call that?

It's just limber.

Nobody can bend like that.

Oh, yeah?

You might want to start unbuckling Mr. Lucky.

Good morning, Janet.

Oh, good morning, Mr. Montgomery.

Do you think that you could call me Greg?

Not with any level of comfort.

Okay, then.

All right. You have a welcome aboard at 9, followed by a staff meeting, and then

lunch at 12 .30. I'm sorry. What is a welcome aboard?

We just did that.

Thank you, Janet.

Ooh, fancy.

I can see why you left me and Pete behind to rot.

Janet, this is my former secretary, Marlene.

Enchante.

Hello.

You left a lot of crap at the office. This is most of it. Pete wouldn't get in

the box.

You guys are going to be fine. Pete's a competent lawyer, and you have skills.

You guys are going to be a great team.

Give us a week till one of us is slabbed out cold with my nail file in his neck.

Nice to meet you.

Yeah, let's do lunch.

Don't let her bother you. I kind of took her by surprise with this whole thing,

and she's a mean little person.

It's marvelous in front of the widow. He can look out at the bay and steer.

Mother,

what are you doing?

Oh, hello, darling.

Lorenzo, you remember my son?

Yes, of course. Who can forget that magnificent jawline?

Thank you.

Mother, what's with the wheel? Well, I am redecorating your new office. I'm

going with a nautical theme, as befits my little captain of industry. Mother,

I'm not a captain, and I don't want my office to have a theme. Oh, listen to

him, all grown up and taking charge.

Howard, come in. They were just leaving.

Aye, aye, Captain.

You know that wheel was on sale. I don't think we can return it.

It's funny. The boss's son gets the ship's wheel and a view of the bay

My office looks out on a billboard advertising monistat seven.

Okay, come in, everyone.

Let me just say before we start what a pleasure it is to be working with all of

you. And despite who my father is, I want you to treat me like just another

member of the team.

Ah, whipping your crew into shape, huh, son? Well, Dad, I was just explaining to

them that I'm new here. You don't have to explain anything. You're a

Your name's on the building, for God's sake.

Now, remember, when you're talking to him, you're talking to me.

Okay.

What next?

Why don't you tell us a little something about yourself? Maybe the long, hard

road that brought you to Montgomery Industries.

Hi, Abby. Hey, Greg.

Where's Dharma?

Oh, I'm afraid Dharma's been kidnapped.

And who shall we get to save her?

Sounds like a job for the...

supposed to spin when I walk, but bleh.

Is there a reason you're dressed as the blonde tornado?

Greg, does a person need a reason to dress as a superhero?

Yes.

Okay, fine. There's a comic book convention and I'm going as the blonde

to help Donald promote his comic book.

By parading around like that in front of horny teenage boys?

And their moms.

Honey, do you have a problem that... other people find me attractive? No, no,

no. That's not it.

Abby, do you understand what the problem is here? No, not really, Greg. I mean,

Dharma is challenging the male archetype of the superhero, and if she can

encourage teenage boys to celebrate their sexuality through self

-gratification... Right on, sister -daughter.

Whoosh!

Oh, no.

Before you say anything according to Forbes...

The Pacific Rim look is popping up in the offices of America's foremost

executives. Mother, I know you mean well, but I really don't need your help.

I need is a desk and a chair and a round metal trash can.

Oh, I think what he's suggesting is retro 50s postmodern. Yes, and he's

very forcefully.

If you're not busy, Mr. Cavanaugh has stuff. Oh, really? Great. Hey, guy, how

are you? Oh, sorry.

It's not my real desk.

Oh, it will be when it grows up.

So what brings you by?

I just wanted to bring you by a little something for your new office.

Oh, that's very nice of you.

I didn't know what you needed, so here's ten bucks.

Thank you.

Listen, we didn't really get a chance to talk about...

You know, my taking this little sabbatical from the practice. Are we

Yeah, we're fine.

Good. Everything's going great down there. Great.

Yeah, there was just a couple things I wanted to clarify, you know, about a few

of the cases. Sure, absolutely.

Well, you know that elderly couple that bought that rotten car and we were

trying to get their money back? Yeah, the Finleys. How's that going?

Well, I met with them yesterday. I gave them some advice.

Long story short, they're in jail.

Finleys are in jail? How did that happen? They got some bad advice.

Listen, I gotta tell you, I don't think I can do this. Yes, you can.

Pete, you're a very good lawyer. You just need some confidence.

Hi, Howard.

Very nice.

Perfect for a number one son.

Is this your decorator? No, this is Pete Cavanaugh, my old partner. He's a hell

of a lawyer.

Really? Yeah. Our little practice wouldn't have stayed open without this

Oh, okay. I see what's going on here.

Yeah. Oh, don't worry. Tickle lock. Lips are sealed.

So, I guess I'll be seeing you around here a lot then.

Howard, hold on.

Hey, you know what?

I'm going to need this for parking.

What did that mean?

No big deal. The old man put you in over your head, so you're called in the

brain trust.

Hey, Greg, give me a little peek in my ear. Tell me if you see a pink eraser.

Yes, citizens, it's me, the blonde tornado.

Whoosh. Yeah, you don't have to keep saying whoosh.

And this is my sidekick, Captain Buzzkill.

Come on, you gotta admit, that was a total blast. I got to sign autographs.

all full of...

70 copies of his comic. Plus, it was totally non -creepy, so you didn't even

have to be there. No, it wasn't creepy at all. And look, some of your non

-creepy fans followed you.

Isn't the guy in the middle the one who was standing next to you for half an

hour breathing heavily?

Toby has asthma.

Everybody on the floor, now!

Oh, my God!

Just stay calm.

Give me everything. When he's in the drawer, too.

You may just be making the biggest mistake of your life. What are you

to be?

it and inadvertently foiled a crime. I'm not really a superhero.

But if you were a superhero, you couldn't tell us, right?

Dharma, we are so proud of you.

Hey, Craig's the one who did the hard part.

Dharma, I know you're just trying to protect his male ego, but I'm sure he's

evolved enough to know that a woman is capable of being powerful.

Yeah, that's why he's cowering on the floor here.

I was picking up the gun.

Doesn't matter what you were doing, Greg.

The point is you kept your head down and let the professional handle the crisis.

She's not a real superhero.

No, Greg, now you're just sounding petty.

Do you see this?

Yeah. It's American journalism at its finest.

My phone's been ringing all morning. Everybody wants to know about the blonde

tornado, including God from Marvel Comics. And Channel 7 called. They want

interview you tonight.

What's your business?

Tonight's no good. We're having dinner with Spider -Man.

Be right back.

Now watch.

In a few minutes, the blonde tornado will suddenly appear.

Honey, I know it's kind of bothering you that I'm getting all the credit for

stopping that robbery when you absolutely helped.

I helped?

That was my plan.

I jumped on the guy, I knocked him down, I tied him up, I got the gun out of his

hands, and all you did was sit on him.

Okay, honey, regardless of who did what, Donald has the opportunity here to get

a lot of publicity for his comic book, and it would really help if we just

to the story that's out there.

Okay.

Really? Yeah.

It'll help Donald, you're right.

You're being the good guy here.

Want me to help you with that?

thinking here?

According to Mr.

Lorenzo, it says that you're a professional, but you're also in touch

playful side.

Could you let Mr. Lorenzo know that I don't have a playful side?

I'll call him right now. Thank you.

I had a question, but if it's nap time, I can come back.

What is it, Howard?

Well, if it's not too much trouble, could the blonde tornado possibly

that for my daughter Lily?

Of course.

And by the way, could you settle a bit? In the picture there, are you crawling

away or praying? I got 20 bucks on crawling.

I was picking up the gun I had knocked out of his hand.

So that's the official explanation? That's the actual explanation.

Of course. I'll try to make it sound that way.

Anyway, I have the monthly report from our legislative analyst. Should I send

directly to your friend Pete?

Pete will not be looking at this. Ooh,

riding the two -wheeler all by ourselves, are we?

Morning, son. Morning, Howard.

Ed, your boy's doing a bang -up job.

Real bang -up job.

Listen, son, the word around the office is you're using Pete as your own private

think tank.

Quite frankly, I didn't think he was that sharp, but of course you know him

better than I do.

He did come by a couple of times, but it's just to ask... I just came by to

good work. A smart executive uses what resources he can to cover his ass. I

don't need anyone to cover my ass. Of course you don't. You're at Montgomery.

You'll always have a job here.

Your frog's ringing.

in the morning. Why are you ironing your cape?

You're right.

But I'm spinning around at 200 miles an hour. It's just going to get wrinkled

anyway.

What are you talking about?

Oh. It's a rock.

It's a blonde tornado.

When did we get a barometer?

Sounds like someone wants to play Twitter.

Don't wait up for me, honey.

I need you to unpack the stock options and put a nice little display pyramid at

the end of aisle one.

I don't know how to do that. Then ask Pete.

Pete's a genius.

He sure is.

I see you're finally wearing the pajamas your mother got you.

Pete, would you cover his ass, please? I got him.

Son, get to work. Where's your desk?

Pick death for my junior captain of industry. Try it, Gregory.

It says your mother's in charge of your life, and there's nothing you can do

about it.

All right, nobody move. This is a hostile takeover. Hand over all your

votes, or I'll bury you in paperwork.

Howard, I'm sure that we can resolve this.

Resolve this, daddy's boy.

Quick, Greg, get on the floor. Crawl or pray.

I don't believe we've had the pleasure.

I'm sorry.

Blonde Tornado, this is Howard. He's a business -themed supervillain.

Howard, this is the Blonde Tornado.

Well, I'd love to stay and chat, but I've got a husband to save.

Nice to meet you.

Nice to destroy you.

What a relief.

I've broken the wind.

Blonde Tornado! The chair!

He's getting away!

Damn

you,

Blonde Tornado.

Next time you want to fool with my little husband, you might want to check

weather report. There could be a tornado warning.

I couldn't help.

That should do it.

Yeah, you go. Thank you very much.

Be kind.

Rewind.

Honey, are you sure you want to do this? Honey, I know I said that I was okay

with all this, but I'm not.

Okay. I want to thank you all for coming today. There's been a lot of...

about recent events, but hopefully... You have any idea what we're doing here?

Generally, no.

Just do what I do. Furrow your brow and nod.

Okay, first I'm going to show a video that I got from Mr. Virapong at the

Mart, and after that, Pete will have some comments about his level of

involvement here, followed perhaps by apologies from those of you who feel

appropriate. Howard, just in time. I think you should have a front -row seat.

I hope you don't mind. I found out your wife was going to be here, so I brought

my daughter.

Sweetie? Yeah,

yeah, I have her on Tuesdays and Thursdays. She's having a hard time with

divorce, and your wife's comic book really seems to be helping her out.

It is.

She just needs to see that women can be strong and assertive without being

drunk.

Honey, look what Lily drew.

Son, could we get on with this?

I think we're going to skip the videotape. But Pete can still verify his

presence here.

Well, all right.

I thought your dad would want to be the one to say this, but I guess the word's

out.

Hello, colleagues.

What? Well, you've been dragging him here, Gratis. We thought we'd put him on

the team.

Okay.

Well, I guess that about wraps it up. Thank you all for coming.

you say no, just give it some thought.

And for your desk, a big round table.

I love it.

Good morning, Janet. Good morning.

Good morning.

Marlene, what are you doing here?

Well, your dad hired Pete, so I talked to him and you needed an assistant.

All the way across town.

Now? I'll be back before you know it.

Oh, my God.

Sir, sorry to interrupt.

You might want to turn over onto your side. You're snoring and it's bothering

your wife.