Original subtitles

This programme contains scenes which some viewers may find upsetting

Motorcycle racing is a dangerous sport.

But motorcycle road racing is one of the most dangerous of all.

COMMENTATOR: Oh, he's off! Oh, my goodness!

Champions,

veterans, newcomers.

All with just three months to prepare for one of the fastest

road races on the planet -

the North West 200.

The thing they love the most...

FEMALE VOICE: That feeling of being on a motorbike.

It's like nothing else.

..is the thing that puts them most at risk.

Being that close to tragedy,

that's what we chase as an adrenaline junkie.

What happens when riders come face-to-face with their

own mortality?

You put your hand in the fire enough times, you are going to get burned.

Racers and their families weigh up the consequences every time

they choose to compete.

When you get on the bike, do you not think of, what if?

Are these riders risking death?

Or are they truly living?

Oh, my God!

Do you really understand what living is

if you never put your life at any risk?

MINISTER: Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,

I will fear no evil.

For you are with me.

Your rod and your staff,

they comfort me.

BELL TOLLS

Every year, the biking community comes together for a memorial

service in Clones, County Monaghan,

to remember those who lost their lives as a result

of a motorcycle accident.

An opportunity for their loved ones to show

support for each other in a time of grief.

So God bless us,

God be with us,

God please bring us into that place of faith

and hope where we leave this place knowing that one day,

we will be reunited with those

who we love and who we miss this day.

It is held weeks before the North West 200...

..the largest road racing event in Ireland.

Every May, around 100 road racers from across the world

make the pilgrimage to Northern Ireland's North Coast

to take part in one of the sport's fastest and most dangerous events.

The North West 200, in terms of spectators,

can rise to over 100,000.

The largest single sporting event in Ireland.

For nearly a century,

the race has been held in a place with deep religious roots,

and devoted to road racing.

Reverend John Kirkpatrick is the race chaplain for the

Motorcycle Union Of Ireland -

a role unique to Irish road racing.

There are riders who come for whom their Christian faith is very

important to them

and for them, just adds so much more to their sport.

You are there to give that support to everyone whether they have

faith or no faith, or whatever they are, it doesn't really matter.

We are concerned for people.

Reverend John's role as chaplain is supporting injured riders

and bereaved families.

NEWSREADERS: Road racing this week has claimed the life of one rider

and left two others critically injured.

This weekend's big event has been marred by accidents.

..struck a telephone pole after coming off his bike

at up to 120 miles an hour.

Here we have an extreme sport where people will

place their lives at great risk.

Risk brings in the question of the sanctity of life.

I am conflicted over the moral issues

and questions involved in this sport.

There are riders who have had near fatal accidents who could not

wait to get back to the sport.

I would be very surprised if they hadn't some questions

in their mind as to the reality of this is painful

and is this worth it?

If you're old enough to understand life and death, right,

and someone says to you, you can live to 45,

get to do what you want as your dream job and that's it,

you are out at 45,

or you can live to 75 or 80,

graft your whole life,

but never really do what you strive to achieve, what would you pick?

I've already picked it, haven't I?

Northern Irish road racer Lee Johnston has been racing

professionally for more than ten years.

I don't know if you believe in God or not

but I think people believe in things to get them through things.

He's a champion racer and five-time winner of the North West 200.

See how big the actual trophy is?

He lives in Huddersfield with his wife Christie and son Jesse.

Hi, everybuggy!

Do you want to say hello to everyone? Yeah!

Did you miss them because we haven't been at bikeland?

Hi, guys. Welcome back to another vlog. This...

MOBILE PHONE RINGS

Seen as an influencer in the road racing world, Lee shares

behind-the-scenes footage of life as one of its international stars.

With some of his videos being viewed hundreds of thousands of times.

We live together. Work together.

He's very stubborn once he gets summat in his head.

He's very driven.

But for me, it's all I've ever known him do

because I think it's like, it's just part of him, ain't it?

Did you say when you were 30 you were retiring from road racing? No, 35.

I think it was 30 and then I think you nudged...

No, it wasn't! We only met when I was 27!

Yeah I'm sure you said 30. No!

You're exaggerating!

At the North West 200 in 2023,

things didn't go to plan for Lee during his first practice lap.

Before the crash, everything was fine.

I go through all the same routine, warming up, preparing.

I was in the best shape.

I've no recollection of any of this.

I've got none of my own memories, just the same as watching

a movie.

I think what's done the damage with the bike, the bike hit me.

And then squashed me to the kerb.

CRUNCHING, GLASS SHATTERS

I broke my foot in multiple places.

Femur.

Ribs on both sides.

Then collapsed my lung.

MARSHALS CHECK STATUS

Broke my shoulder, my cheekbone.

My left knee down was the only,

sort of, limb that didn't have

some sort of injury.

Yeah.

With the 2024 North West 200 just three months away...

That must be me trying to send you the phone number.

..the reality that Lee might be racing there again is starting to

set in for Christie.

The North West is one that I'm not going to be able to

walk into that paddock and just not have any emotions.

If I went to the North West

and had a bit of a wobble, I just think I'd really struggle.

Before his crash,

every year between the North West

and the TT, we'd come home for, like, a week.

And my friends and family are like, if I'd seen them or anything,

they'd all be like, "Christie, you look terrible."

Like, "You've lost weight in a week, you look terrible."

And like, even that, on a normal when he hasn't crashed,

or hasn't experienced anything like that, I'd struggle.

I just basically said to him, you know, "I can't,

"I'm not a robot, I can't do everything,

"and I've just got to kind of like protect."

I need to be mentally strong as well,

because if I'm not, then it's just going to make life harder for him.

So, yeah.

North West, no, just because there's trauma there.

After nine months of recovery Lee crashed again

and broke his right leg.

He's been invited onto a road racing podcast to update fans

on his progress.

No-one wants to talk about winning races any more.

They talk about getting injured, and then getting injured again.

Right, are we ready? Yeah. We're live, we're loud, we're sexy.

On that note, welcome back to the podcast, Lee Johnson.

If you are living under a rock, Lee is now hurt again.

He's got a cage on his leg.

Can you lift it up? Oh, I've actually got my snood on!

Since your North West crash, pretty heavy stuff.

Is that something you want to talk about? Yeah, yeah.

This is my job, this is what happens, I'm paid to push.

And we sign up for it, do you know what I mean? Yeah,

we know what's going off, don't we? Yeah.

So what is your attitude to this season?

I want to be back for the North West. That's the aim.

We've got less than three months to get ready for the North West.

I have to believe I'm going to be ready in time, like.

Maria Costello MBE has been racing motorbikes for 30 years

and is one of the most successful women ever to compete in the sport.

Taking on the boys is nothing new for Maria Costello.

She made her debut on the north coast in 2005,

having caught the road racing bug.

I look at pictures and go, oh, that's cool.

I go, oh, that is actually you, Maria, you idiot.

That's Maria the bike racer.

It's a funny thing. Am I her every day? I don't know.

It seems like a long time ago, a lot of this.

30 years this year.

It's bonkers, isn't it?

I didn't see myself as a defiant child.

Looking back, yeah, because it caused all sorts of aggro. Poor Mum.

But in 2023, Maria lost her mum to cancer.

She had been caring for her mum during the last few years

of her illness.

Mum pushing to stop me did make me want it more.

The more she pushed, the more I pushed back.

The more I wanted it.

It's funny how that works, isn't it?

I thought she was trying to take something away from me.

She was trying to protect me.

You just don't see that at the time, when you're young.

My mum was just terrified of anything that could hurt

her daughter, I suppose.

Rightly so.

Maria has just three months until the North West.

But she is taking time out of her preparation to sort through

some of her mum's belongings.

This is quite a picture.

I don't know what it is about when you crash.

You're always happier if somebody's captured it!

I have broken over 24 bones.

The worst being my femur twice.

30 years in, after all these broken bones,

I feel really lucky that I've got something in my life that I love.

It obviously gives me something that I need.

Road racing makes you believe in luck.

But I don't...

..I don't think about a God.

I understand that it probably would give people comfort.

Because it's community.

But I think my community is racing.

Construction worker Kevin Keyes has been racing motorbikes

since he was seven years old.

He works with his dad Rowan,

who also shares a passion for motorbikes.

COMMENTATOR: Very determined-looking Kevin Keyes, what a cracking start.

He's going to be absolutely delighted to come home

and lift the Leinster 100 trophy.

But racing on custom-made circuits is different

to racing on public roads.

COMMENTATOR: That rider is completely OK, he hasn't crashed.

I go to work on the daily, you know, drive a digger, finish concrete.

That's boring! You know? Real life is boring, isn't it?

Like, it's... What do you do?

You go to work, you go to sleep, you go to the gym.

I don't understand the people that don't have something to chase.

I don't understand what they're getting from life.

But they're obviously getting it from something else.

But they probably don't understand why I do what I do.

This year, Kevin will be trying road racing for the first time.

When I look at the road racers, I get a big buzz standing watching.

And I'm like, "Oh, that's class." You know?

Being that close to, it's a scary word to say,

but tragedy, that's what we chase as an adrenaline junkie.

How much more can we get?

Yeah, this is my St Christopher medal,

and my sister bought me this when the news broke out

that I was going to go road racing and, uh...

..just to keep me safe.

Them little things mean a lot to me, you know?

Since she gave it to me I haven't taken it off,

and I won't be taking it off.

Kevin lives nearby his childhood home with his partner, Sarah.

Both are devout Catholics.

They have one son called Kayden.

And his new venture is a focus for the whole family.

Hmm?

Erm, no. I don't.

Definitely not. It's not my choice.

I find it weird because I'm like,

"You're not thinking of your family.

"You're not thinking of if something happened."

I feel like, wow, that's just crazy, you know?

He's doing something that brings him so much peace,

but it's causing me so much worry and stress.

And it's one of the most stressful times in my life not knowing,

like, is he going to be OK? Is he going to come back?

Adrenaline is a mad drug. Like, what it does to your body is crazy.

Will I bring you for a drive? Yeah. You rev it.

Like I remember even, like, racing with injuries, you know?

You'd be barely able to put your glove on.

But as soon as that adrenaline gets pumping through your body,

you don't feel your wrist any more. And you don't feel any pain.

But you come back in and you're back to hurting. That's what I mean.

Getting in that mind frame, getting in that bubble. Everything goes.

Physical pain, emotional pain. It's just... It's an amazing place.

You're sitting in your car doing 80km an hour,

and that's the speed limit.

But they close that road and you get on a bike,

you can do 200 miles an hour down there.

It's...it's madness, isn't it?

But I can't wait to see what the madness is about!

Good racing! Are we going to race? Yeah.

Will we go one more time? Yeah.

The confliction people have is right from the very beginning.

If you begin on the short-circuits where it's not as extreme,

but as you maybe move onto the road circuits which have

increasing history of danger,

erm, you will be conflicted.

Although Reverend John has never raced motorcycles,

he has been a lifelong fan of road racing.

HE LAUGHS It's a different era, isn't it?

That was on the way back from the North West 200!

I think I was living in freefall back in those days.

I wasn't thinking very far. Just go a day at a time.

All I know is I wanted to go as hard as I could.

But the reason why I wanted to go fast was

because I found a great deal of...

..of joy and thrill in it.

That's a sense of...

..I don't know how you'd describe that.

That's elation.

Today Maria has come to collect the new van

and to bring her race bike home.

Oh, she's there! Yeah. And there's my race bike. Yeah.

This is my little baby.

Last time I rode this was when I got knocked off.

Her bike has been in storage

since she crashed at the Isle of Man in 2023.

It's nice to see her again.

It is my pride and joy.

Erm, she just doesn't look like my pride and joy

because she needs a bit of love.

And she needs to prepare it in time for the North West 200.

Is that how you're doing it? Don't scratch my van.

That bumper has only just been painted.

Just mind off here.

Don't have kids. Don't have debt.

I don't want the nine to five and the house and the car.

That isn't what I've ever looked for.

I don't like admitting that I'm getting older

and it's physically a bit harder.

You know, it was a big milestone last year.

"Yeah, I'm going to be 50, and it's going to be great,"

but it was the worst year of my life.

I was living with my mum and looking after my mum.

She couldn't get out of bed. And life felt so hard.

I think I kept myself out of normal life

for a long, long, long, long time with my racing, and then bang,

it was all pulled in front of me.

It was a year since Mum passed away, only very recently,

and it was as raw as if it was the other day.

But actually I'm back training, I'm doing a lot of things

that I need to be doing, that I want to be doing.

Oh, my God!

I don't know what it's going to be like doing my first road race

without Mum.

That is definitely, thinking about that,

it's going to be really different.

It's going to be really different.

It's February, and Lee has come to the Northern General Hospital

in Sheffield for a checkup on his broken leg.

Right now best case scenario is getting the cage off

at the end of April and then the North West at the start of May.

So I've got like a week to spare.

So I'm going to get an X-ray first, which I've managed to talk my way

into, because I'm not supposed to get one for like another two weeks.

How is it all going, then? Yeah, good. Keeping all right?

Yeah, really good.

They are going to look at the X-ray and then go yea or nay.

I want to see progress to, like, taking this thing off my leg.

Because they told me three months.

But that was automatically two months in my head,

so if I see progress today, that's me being more right than them!

I'm feeling a bit nervous about this, to be fair.

Good or bad, we're going to get some facts.

Do you think it could come off in like a month?

There's no point us taking the frame off until it's healed.

And I've never had a patient with your kind of fracture

where it takes less than three months to heal.

Yeah. Erm... But that doesn't mean that this couldn't be the first.

All right. That's true.

Nature is nature.

And you can try to push it along,

but sometimes it's got its own rules.

See you later.

I feel OK. I feel like there's signs of progression,

and that's all...

..that's all we want, isn't it?

My whole life's in a rush.

I'll wake up and be old!

He's never apologised as much as he did when...

He was so nice!

SHE GIGGLES

He was like, literally like apologetic and kind.

And I was like, "Oh, my God, something's going on here!"

It's all the drugs he were on!

I couldn't laugh, cos my ribs were all broke,

but if someone said something funny, I'd start crying.

And then if it was, like, someone said something average, I'd cry.

And that went on for weeks after.

I'd get upset and then I'd go, "Well, I have no right to be upset

"cos I've done this and this is my fault and problem,

"so why am I sitting here feeling sorry for me, when...?"

Do you know what I mean? I've chose this and I've let everyone down,

I've crashed the bike.

At that point, I realised he'll probably never going to retire,

cos I thought, "If this is what he's going to be like when he retires,

"without racing in his life, like, it's not going to work, is it?"

Even after his accident and he were like, "I'll never race again!"

I thought, "Well, that's not going to happen."

With only a few weeks to the North West 200,

Kevin's decided to do a trial run at the first race of the Irish season,

the Cookstown 100.

Nervous this morning.

A bit hard to go to sleep last night just thinking about it but...

..I think that's natural for any parent

with their kid going road racing.

He's just buzzing to get going and looking forward to it.

I wish I was as calm as him.

He definitely has a few guardian angels, all right.

It helps you do dangerous things,

knowing there is someone there looking out for you.

We do believe there's something thereafter for us, too.

It wouldn't like to think there's nothing there and that's just it,

it's gone, it's over.

His dad, Ron, partner Sarah, and son Kayden

are all preparing, too.

I'm nervous for Cookstown, cos I don't know the track.

If he was to come off the bike, like, you know, God forbid,

I wouldn't know where he is on the road,

I wouldn't see what's actually happening,

I wouldn't get to him as quick, I suppose, and... I'll be praying,

whether it's out loud or in my head and mumbling away to myself,

I'll be... I'll be praying the whole time.

With so few national Irish road races left,

the shorter Cookstown 100 is an opportunity for Kevin

to get some experience before the bigger North West 200.

THEY LAUGH

As the race day approaches,

Kevin and his family set off north across the border.

I'm relaxed at the minute but as soon as I sit on the road

and get to go for the first time,

I'm going to get nervous, I know I am.

But I just can't wait to get on the road tomorrow.

For over a century,

the Cookstown 100's been run by volunteers

passionate about road racing.

The Cookstown 100 is an iconic Irish road race.

It's not like some of these big races people have in their mind,

this is something really quite unique.

Farms, churches and businesses open their doors to the crowds

as the circuit weaves through country back roads

in an area steeped in religious tradition.

We have never raced on a Sunday.

Our bikes have never been out on a Sunday.

It's just...Granda's religious beliefs that, you know,

that you don't race on a Sunday.

Though it's a smaller race,

Cookstown will test whether Kevin has what it takes

to become a road racer.

The circuit is about... a little over two miles long.

Around very short and tight corners and narrow roads.

It's raw, Irish road racing.

And quite often the weather is raw as well.

COMMENTATOR: Not ideal conditions. Rain continues to come down.

It might just delay this for a little while.

Held in April,

weather can make the racing conditions here unpredictable.

The rain makes things slippy, even in your car, you know, so,

it's not very ideal.

The risks have all automatically just went from here to here

in the space of ten minutes, cos of a rain shower, you know.

If you don't feel right,

you can't force these things. You have to listen to yourself

or else...it could go seriously, seriously wrong.

But this is Kevin's only chance to road race before the North West.

Despite the changeable conditions on the track,

he decides it's worth the risk.

It's more real now, hearing them all,

and I've got sickness in me stomach now.

We were just on the side of the track

and I could feel me hands shaking.

Obviously, I want him to do well. Erm...

I want him to be up there but I also want him to come home, too.

Yes, it's over.

PA: ..newcomer, Kevin Keyes, the winner... Fantastic result.

Happy with his performance, Kevin's decision has paid off.

He's won his first Cookstown 100.

With the North West in two weeks, back home in Edenderry,

Kevin and Sarah discuss their experience of the race.

When you get on the bike, do you not think of Kayden, me,

like, you know, "What if...?" I know, it's weird, like,

you're nervous cos you're thinking about it

but then when you take off... you can't think about it.

You have to be so focused in the time that you can't actually

worry about what's going on around you. If that makes sense.

You just feel that sense of freedom, you know,

nothing in the world can get in the way. Only you.

Yeah.

No.

No, it is, erm...

It sounds like an amazing experience,

something that everyone would want to feel.

Should I race or should I not race?

You're weighing up in your one hand, I love this sport.

But you're also conscious of what it may do to other people around you.

I think most likely the worst time of confliction will come

when someone close to you is killed.

The Hodsons are a road racing family.

Sons Rob and Jamie followed their father into racing,

until tragedy struck

at a road race in Northern Ireland in 2017.

REPORTERS: Road racing this week has claimed the life of one rider

and left two others critically injured...

Jamie Hodson struck a telephone pole after coming off his bike

at up to 120mph...

His brother, Rob Hodson, was also caught up in the crash,

but his injuries were not serious...

Nobody goes out to race attempting to be foolish and do silly things,

you know, and to put their lives or the lives of other people at risk.

Nobody's doing that.

That's why they call them accidents. They're not intended. They happen.

Me and Jamie, it was our first race at the Ulster Grand Prix

as newcomers. We was both enjoying the race,

it was good, there was a lot of overtakes and things like that

and it was good fun.

The bike I was riding at that point, it was a decent bike

but it wasn't the fastest in a straight line.

Before that race, I said to me dad,

"I'll try my best, but if we're getting left behind

"after a couple of laps, I'll just pull in."

In the first race we had a really close battle

and different emotions take over, the competitive edge and adrenaline

and things, and I didn't pull in.

I was in front of the group and as we came up to the corner

where the accident happened, I lost control of my bike.

I think the front just slipped away from me.

I just slid off into some bushes, which slowed me down,

and I came to a stop.

I didn't see what happened after that. I think another bike

may have clipped Jamie, trying to take avoiding action.

Which led to Jamie hitting something at the side of the road

and, unfortunately, you know, losing his life.

You know, you just pray and pray, don't you,

that it's not going to be as bad.

You just pray for miracles, don't you? You know.

His dad, Jim, was at Jamie's

hospital bedside when his son passed away.

His mum Carole was home in Wigan.

In the aftermath of his death, both grew stronger in their faith.

There is a plan for everybody. You know, I'm not frightened of dying.

Because I think, well, I'll be in good company.

I think they'll all be up there together. Yeah.

I have all this on when I'm racing. So I've got me dog tag,

and then this here... is made with Jamie's ashes in it,

so every time I go and do a lap, he's with me. Close to me chest.

And then the St Christopher.

Which is religious and hopefully it'll bring me good and safe luck.

Someone's looking down on you to keep you safe.

You don't stop believing, cos everything's for a reason, isn't it?

You know, if... If I hadn't made the mistake in that corner,

you know, then...the accident wouldn't have happened.

I think about it every day, you know,

what could have been done differently.

If I did what I said I was going to do, and pulled in...

I just...definitely wish I had.

When Rob came home, he said, "I'm sorry, Mum."

I said, "It's not your fault."

Well, it's not his fault, is it?

It's just...a tragedy, really.

It's a big loss.

Rob had been struggling just a little bit sometimes and...

It's not good if you don't speak it, it's just...

All festers inside your head, doesn't it?

But, uh, that's life,

you don't know what's going to be round the corner, do you? You know.

You don't go to a race meeting and think, "Oh, I might crash here," or,

"I will crash," or... You don't... It doesn't enter your head.

And if you thought that, you should never really get on the bike

and go and do it, you know?

When you experience personal loss and tragedy in racing,

going back again is a hard question.

We ask ourselves, "Why do we keep going back to something

"which can be so painful and so difficult sometimes?"

Oliver's Mount, Scarborough, is England's only remaining road race.

Situated just five minutes from Scarborough's beachfront,

the circuit hosts a number of

road racing events across the season.

Lead us and join us to where you want us to go, Lord.

And help us, Lord,

to be there to be able to help other people... Yes.

..and to tell them, Lord, that Jesus loves them. Yeah.

Thank you, Lord. We pray in Jesus' precious name, Lord. Amen.

After Jamie's death, Rob continued in the sport.

But has never returned to race in Ireland.

His first race of the season is at the Spring Cup at Scarborough.

The first road race that he and Jamie ever competed in.

From when the accident happened to now, I've never took a season out.

It's all I know to do to kind of keep busy

and focused on moving forward, really.

COMMENTATOR: Rob Hodson on the SMT Yamaha

makes his way into the middle of the front row.

One of the most recent members of the 130mph club.

When I get to ride off to another racetrack,

it's kind of like a bit of a release and a bit of freedom.

You're not thinking about being guilty.

You're just focused on getting down the straight

and round the corner as fast as you can.

You know, I continue because it seems like a waste.

I've got the ability to do it

and if I just stop, then it's kind of like we lost Jamie for nothing.

COMMENTATOR: Here come the leaders once more, powering in...

This year'll be eight years since we lost him,

and I've achieved more than I thought I would in racing.

Just doing as proud as I can, really.

Come on, guy, come on!

I've had accidents where I've come off straight into a wall,

bounced off, the bike's gone over my head.

And I walked away with just a very small injury.

Before I get a chance to stop, it might stop me, but, yeah,

that's the... That's the game

we're playing at the minute.

In pain,

we can experience the reality of God in a very powerful way.

I would say in my life as a minister for the last 40 years,

I think that God has become real to more people in pain

than in any other situation.

This is my local church where I got me communion and baptised.

This is where I've grown up.

I believe in God. I believe you're protected by guardian angels

and the ritual of praying, and whatever's out there.

This is a special little place, you know,

where we lay our boys to rest.

In 2019, Kevin and Sarah lost their twin boys in pregnancy.

With just two days to go, Kevin visits the twins'

grave before he sets off for the North West 200 for the first time.

We were both so young at the time and, you know,

it was something that we were going

to cherish together

and it ended up being one of the toughest times of our lives.

And it's hard because, you know,

I look at Kayden, my little son,

he's at the age, like, he should be playing with his brothers now

and it's still sad, like, that we can't play with them every day

and see them grow up to be people and...

..you know, what could they have been.

I seen...

..seen some dark times and lonely times, you know?

I like to be the happy-go-lucky guy

that just is fun to be around

and I struggle with it

because this is hard to accept, you know?

You just like to think, some day we will see them again.

I think it's a nice thing to think about, that there is somewhere

else, there is an afterlife, you know?

That it's not just over.

I like coming up here before a race weekend, I like talking to them,

telling them where we're going, what we're going to be doing,

how I want them to help me this weekend, keep me safe,

and then I say my little prayer before I get on the bike.

I call a couple of guardian angels,

but I always say at the end of it,

"This is it, boys, let's go, let's have fun,

"let's enjoy the ride and go home safe."

That, to me,

is me bringing them on my journey and them keeping me safe.

Before Maria departs for Northern Ireland, she takes a moment

to reflect on the things she did with her mum before a race.

People are always saying that she's always with me.

I just wish she was always with me.

She visits a Buddhist retreat,

somewhere they often spent time together.

I found it difficult initially because it felt like it was

Mum's place, but this place gives me lots of good memories.

Grief made me want to lock myself away.

I didn't want to interact with anyone,

I didn't know how to interact with anyone in grief.

Because it's just so painful.

She absolutely was part of my racing.

Suddenly it felt really strange that

I didn't have her trying to stop me.

I didn't have anyone to go up against,

I didn't have anyone to defy.

I miss her not wanting me racing.

That's it.

I miss her worrying about me.

I...

..loved her fiercely.

This is Jesse's heroes,

and that's me there,

that's the cage on my leg and a cap on.

Lee's leg hasn't healed in time to get the cage off.

He won't be racing at the North West 200.

I think disappointed would be the biggest

understatement of possibly the year.

I don't even know what the right word is. I think...

..frustrated. Erm... Yeah.

I've been going to the North West since I was a kid.

I suppose when you're a kid, it's like superheroes, aren't they?

You see these guys putting these suits on,

and think how amazing must feel to be able to go 200mph

on a motorbike.

Every kid that goes to the North West

dreams about winning the North West.

For, like, 10, 12-year-old me,

that was, yeah, like, this would be cool.

And then winning five North Wests, 12-year-old Lee,

he'd probably say, "Why haven't you won more?"

My dad didn't race.

All he used to say was,

"If someone beats you because

"they've got more talent, then that's fine,

"you take it on the chin and you shake their hand.

"But getting beat because you weren't fit enough or you

"didn't put enough effort in, that's not acceptable."

I think that's probably where a lot of the drive comes from.

I obviously wanted it myself, but you're obviously like, the best

thing you can do in the world is try and impress your dad, isn't it?

Do you know what I mean? Like, "Ah, look at me."

My dad died of cancer,

so he got diagnosed when he was 50 and he died when he was 52.

I know he's not here any more, so he's not physically telling me,

but he'd probably tell me

that there's a whole lot of life

after what I'm rushing for right now.

If everything's going really well, if the wind is on your back,

you don't question anything, but when things are difficult,

then you do start question. You have to.

Because the pain causes you to ask questions.

This sport, more than maybe any other sports, individuals have had

to ask themselves those questions again and again.

Once a year, the sleepy towns of Portstewart, Portrush and

Coleraine become the three points of

the thrilling North West 200 circuit,

known as The Triangle.

The North West has some very long, straight parts of the circuit,

machines are able to get up to speeds in excess of 200mph.

If the sheer speed and noise isn't enough to excite the crowds,

the North West is also home to the largest mass start in road racing.

ENGINES REV

All of the bikes begin together. As soon as the lights

turn from red to green,

everybody goes as fast as they can.

ENGINES REVVING

But it's a very exhilarating thing for some,

and very frightening to watch, for others.

ENGINES REV

Good to see you. And you, likewise. Been all right?

Good to see you.

# Unending love

# Amazing grace. #

Sunday at the North West 200 for us as chaplains begins as a day

when we have a prerace service.

Sometimes people say to me, "Why do you have

"a service at the North West 200, or any race, for that matter?

"What's the point?" And I say,

"Well, you know, it's really good to pray for this

"event and people who are involved in it."

God does care about every person and even those that don't

care about him yet, he still cares for them, too, wonderfully.

I know that racing can touch you on all sorts of levels,

but this touches you even deeper than any race can.

As it's his first time with the North West 200,

Kevin must attend a safety briefing before he's allowed to race.

You're all newcomers, you have many, many years ahead of you

at the North West 200, so just come the first year, qualify,

enjoy the event, and that's all you necessarily have to do.

We don't tolerate anything outside of regulations,

so just want to make you completely aware of that.

Fully briefed, Kevin can now fulfil

his dream to race the North West 200.

Away from the race paddock, he takes time with those he loves...

On you go.

..before he takes to the track.

Kids are a great example of being in the moment.

Like, I have two angel babies, you know?

And I just call them guardian angels, you know,

and I say a little prayer before I sit on the bike,

and just ask them to come with me, keep me safe.

I believe if I didn't say that prayer, something would happen,

something would go wrong, it wouldn't work out for me.

So, I believe, yeah, they are with me every step of the way.

Newcomers sometimes don't realise just how fast it is.

They don't realise that the speeds are so incredible,

I think that can take some riders by surprise

because when you're going so fast, it takes a long time to slow up.

If you get your braking wrong, you can be a danger to yourself

and others.

Being in control of what you're doing right now is massive.

The present's where you are and you can't change the past, and you

can't predict the future, so to be in that moment is quite important.

To me, there is an afterlife,

and I believe the afterlife can protect the living life.

Nathan? Let's go and get this fuel.

Back at the North West, Maria is preparing for her first

road race without her mum. Awesome. See you later.

I'll have some strawberries. Now, then. You all right? Yeah, are you?

Hello. We're here. We're here.

We did start working on the bike a bit late.

Race bikes are temperamental machines, and at speeds of 200mph,

mechanical error can make the difference between life and death.

That's bad, isn't it? As long as you're sorting it.

I'll let you just work away.

Mechanics fine tune them right up to the moment before each race.

Can't be building, can't be changing shells and that now.

Just going to have to clean everything. Yeah. Fresh oil.

Yeah, just shout whatever you need, then.

Ah, OK.

How's that for you?

HE WHISTLES

You know where that is? Is that... Is it?

Just after Deer's Leap. Forgot about that.

Oh, did you hear that? Isn't that shocking?

Even though Lee hasn't made it back as a racer,

his popularity in the sport has landed him a job as a pundit.

You OK? Oh, my word... What are you laughing for?

I've got feelings, you know?

Lee, we had hoped to see racing at the North West

this year, after your crash at the event last year.

How much are you looking forward to the racing?

Yeah, obviously that was the main aim and it always will be that,

I want to be racing motorbikes, but unfortunately the next best thing

is here with you guys and I'm really looking forward to that as well.

There's some cracking racing in line here with two or three guys

willing to go head-to-head for all the races,

so I'm really, really excited.

MARIA: I do like getting to be that strong, confident Maria.

When you click your visor shut, that's...that's who you become.

That feeling of being on a motorbike, it's like nothing else.

MUSIC: Blood At Sunrise by Steingrimur Thorhallsson

I've got nerves because I want to know

I can get back to that feeling, I want to know I can still do this.

It's not just about going fast... It's...

Well, it is about going fast.

ENGINES REV

KEVIN: Once you shut that visor, you're in that little headspace

on your own, at one with yourself, at one with your bike,

and in control.

It's peaceful, you know?

Getting that maximum, just getting to the edge, to me, that's living.

That's happiness.

It is hard to understand from the outside.

The danger, the hurting yourself, getting back on a bike after

hurting yourself, how do you explain that to somebody else?

ENGINE REVS

It's because what I get to do on the bike feels so good,

I want to get back to that all the time.

It's this amazing feeling.

Hold on super tight!

Do a thumbs up!

Do a thumbs up!

My heart's giving in, I'm not sure, is it running or racing?

Ready, steady, go! Woohoo! Delighted?

Finally got to do it. Finally. How was it?

Hi, Kev, well done.

Mad. Yeah? Yeah, it's mad. You know?

SHE CHUCKLES

I think he did well.

I'm the one who kept pushing him from

when he was that height to go faster and faster.

He's a good head on his shoulders.

I think he can decide when it's time to stop.

I think Kevin's wearing his as well, so...

We could say it helps.

We're all going home safe, and that's the main thing, you know, so.

INAUDIBLE

I secretly wanted a top ten, we were so close.

Yeah, there's always next year, and the year after,

and the year after, and the year after.

Sarah, you take off one helmet to put...

One helmet off, the other one on!

It's Kayden's turn!

You ready?

Whoof.

It went much better than last year and, yeah, I'm in one piece,

the bike's in one piece, what a bonus.

It's given me a lot of things, racing.

God, just, you know, the amount of people I've met,

and racing is a lot about the people.

Good to see you. Good to see you, too.

Life's too short. Now's what counts. Every...

Every moment, every relationship, it all counts.

ENGINES REV

COMMENTATOR: They're in there... Oh! Oh!

Oh, that is terrible, McLean came in...

There were three race-stopping red-flag crashes.

Another red flag.

But one stood out.

Remarkably, this rider survived...

..with little more than minor injuries.

I do believe that when we pray for people,

that there are times interventions happen that we cannot see.

This rider going through the air, yeah, that's a miracle.

There was something incredible about that,

and whether you actually will ever attribute that to the

Heavenly Father, as I will,

if I was that person, I'd be thankful,

I'd be humble,

and I'd be saying, "Now, I wonder why I've been spared?"

This is where we crashed, here.

I think. Well, I know this is where we crashed,

but we must have ended up - like, gauging off the cameras

and stuff - like, right in there, somewhere on this corner.

You can't choose pain but you can choose suffering,

because the pain happens in the accident, doesn't it?

But the suffering happens after.

People see me as just a motorbike racer.

I'm not, I'm somebody's dad and husband, and at some point,

the wheels are going to stop turning, and I know

they're still going to be there and...

..then real life begins!