Original subtitles

Sometimes the world looks perfect

Nothing to rearrange

Sometimes you just get a feeling

Like you need some kinda change

No matter what the odds are this time

Nothing's gonna stand in my way

This flame in my heart like a long-lost friend

Gives every dark street a light at the end

Standing tall

On the wings of my dream

Rise and fall

On the wings of my dream Wings of my dream

The rain and thunder

The wind and haze

I'm bound for better days

It's my life and my dream

Nothing's gonna stop me now

(GROANS)

Hurry up, Balki. We're gonna be late for work.

Oh, just a minute, cousin

(SCREAMS)

Is something wrong?

No.

Why?

You screamed.

Oh-ho-ho, that.

Well, um, as a matter of fact

I do have a little pain in my tooth, but it's nothing.

What does it feel like?

Well, ahem. It, it feels like

someone is hammering

a huge nail

up inside my head.

And twisting it...

I got it. And turning it.

I got it, I got the picture. I got the picture.

Balki, buddy, it sounds like you've got a cavity.

A cavity is a hole in your tooth.

When we get to the office I'll call and make

an appointment for you with my dentist.

Oh, no! No, no, no, no, sir.

I'm not going to no dentist.

I'll go on a liquid diet,

I'll have my jaw hot-wired,

but I'm not going to no dentist

not no way, not no how.

Oh, you would love it.

'Cause they let you sit in a chair that goes up and down.

Really?

Oh, and they spray water

in your mouth.

They do?

Oh, a trip to the dentist is like a visit

to the amusement park.

It's too bad you don't wanna go.

Well, okay, we'll make an appointment for you.

Oh, thank you, cousin.

(INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC)

Aren't you supposed to be making your afternoon deliveries?

I finished, Mr. Gorpley.

Aren't you supposed to be sorting the mail?

I finished.

I want to be all ready

when Cousin Larry comes out and says

"It's time to go to the dentist!"

You're in a hurry to go to the dentist?

Cousin Larry says it's more fun than an amusement park.

Well, actually, it's more like the House of Horrors.

(LAUGHING)

Especially when you see the drill.

Cousin Larry didn't mention...

The drill.

of torture since alimony.

The dentist uses it to drill holes in your teeth.

Well, ain't I the lucky one?

because I already got a hole in my tooth.

See? See that?

See that?

Lovely.

Well, just wait until the dentist uses the drill

to make that hole bigger

and deeper

and wider and...

(GROANING)

God, I wish I hadn't dropped out of dental college.

Well, have fun, Bartokomous, I'm going to lunch.

I'll bring you back a jawbreaker.

(GIGGLES)

Tooth bothering you, Balki?

You didn't tell me about the drill.

Who told you about the drill? Mr. Gorpley.

He tell me that the dentist is going to take a drill

and make the hole in my tooth bigger and wider and deeper

and that it's going to hurt more than alimony.

And we all remember what happened at the alimony.

Did Mr. Gorpley scare you?

Well, he... Did he scare you?

Are you scared... Are you scared of the dentist?

No, I'm not scared of the dentist

Scared of the dentist.

However, I've decided

that I don't need

to go to the dentist.

I can learn to live with the pain.

You can live with the pain? Yes!

(SCREAMS)

You can't live with the pain.

Balki, you've got to get your tooth taken care of now.

If you don't, it'll only hurt worse and be harder to fix.

But there's, there's just one little problem.

What's that? I'm afraid.

Oh...

I know, I know you're afraid

but, but I, I wouldn't make you do anything

that was bad for you.

Balki, remember the time you were afraid

to have your picture taken?

Yeah.

'Cause you thought the camera

Yeah. You remember what I said?

Yeah, you said, "Balki,

"don't be stupid."

And you remember the time you were afraid

to get into the elevator?

Yeah.

the center of the earth.

And you said, "Balki,

"don't be stupid."

and that's what's happening now.

I'm riding the elevator?

No.

You're being stupid.

Thank you, cousin.

(INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC)

I like that.

Do it again.

One ride per visit, Balki.

This is his first time at the dentist.

Oh, I see.

I'm gonna put this little piece of film in your mouth.

Open up. Ah-ha.

Bite down gently on the... No!

On the tab

and be sure to keep your mouth closed.

But what... No, no, no!

It's very important

to keep your mouth closed.

I'm just gonna take some X-rays of your tooth.

(BALKI MUMBLING)

What?

He said, "X-rays? We didn't talk about X-rays."

In this business you get used to people

talking with stuff in their mouths.

Well, nothing to worry about.

takes a picture of your tooth, goes right out the other side.

It's completely safe.

(MUMBLING)

What?

"and makes a hole in my brain?"

Trust me.

(MUMBLING)

Well, you've got a good point there.

Uh, I'll just take this

and, uh, I, I think I'll let the doctor

look at him first and then we'll take the X-rays.

(CHUCKLES)

I'm sorry, cousin.

It's okay. Thank you.

Hmm.

Cousin,

what, what is this?

No, not, not... Whoo!

(LAUGHS)

No, no... Whoo!

Whoo! No, no, no, no.

No, no.

Not that, what is, what is this?

Oh, and here's the water sprayer.

No, not the...

Not that...

Not that, cousin.

Oh, and look, the saliva sucker.

No, not...

(GROANING)

I'm just desperate to know

what is this?

Oh, that?

(WHIRRING)

Would it be

the drill?

Yes, that's the drill,

but it won't be painful.

It won't hurt a bit after you're shot.

I'm going to be shot?

No, no. No.

Nothing like that.

The doctor is just gonna stick a needle

in your cheek.

I'm out of here. Just stay right there.

Hello, Larry, well, I hear we have a nervous patient.

Hello, doctor. Balki...

This is doctor Dr. Shukin.

Don't you touch me.

I happen to be trained

in the marital art.

Stop it! Stop it!

He's never had a cavity before.

Well, let's take a look.

A little wider.

Why don't I let the doctor look in my mouth first, okay?

And that way you'll see that nothing bad is going to happen.

All right? Hmm?

(MUMBLING)

All right, now, open wide. Tell me if this hurts.

No.

How about this?

No. I told you it wouldn't hurt.

This?

(SCREAMING)

What are you doing?

You've lost a filling.

Well, fine, I'll make an appointment for next month.

Balki, you're up. Oh, now, hold on, Larry.

You have to have this taken care of today

or it could get much worse.

(DRAMATIC MUSIC)

All right, now, I'm just going to numb your tooth

so I can work on it.

No needles! No needles!

But, Larry, this is just a little Novocain.

I don't want any. I don't like being numb.

Oh, cousin, you're not dumb.

Well, I guess I'll just have to give you gas.

Well, we did fill up the tank this morning, but...

I suppose we could top it off.

Oh. No, no, no.

This is nitrous oxide. Won't hurt him.

He'll just feel very relaxed

and maybe a little giggly.

Ah, it feels so much better.

Did I mention how much better I feel.

Now you just relax, Larry, and I'll be right back

after I check your X-rays.

No problem.

All right, Balki, we're out of here.

Oh, no, you don't!

Keep that on.

Cousin, don't you remember you said to me that

sometimes we have to do things that we're afraid of

because it's for our own good.

All right, all right, all right.

All right?

Balki, I am an adult.

I can make my own decisions.

And I have decided to leave and there is nothing you can do

to make me stay!

(GAS TANK PINGS THEN HISSES)

Well, now you've done it.

I hope you're satisfied.

We can fix it.

(GAS CONTINUES HISSING)

(BOTH LAUGHING)

Shh. Shh. Shh.

Cousin, cousin, I can fix it.

(LAUGHING CONTINUES)

I need something sharp.

Something sharp? Yeah.

How about this?

I've been shot.

I think you're down a quart!

(BOTH LAUGHING)

I think you're down a quart!

Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

I got an idea. What?

We don't need no stinkin' dentist.

You fill my tooth. Okay.

Oh po po

He will be drilling through my molars when he drills

He'll be drilling through my molars...

(MUFFLED SINGING)

You know what?

You know what? What?

for me to fill your tooth.

(LAUGHS)

move the chair.

Okay, cousin, ready?

Ready? One, two, three.

(BOTH GRUNTING)

Better? Much.

Okay. Thank you.

Oh, gosh. Okay, now I'm gonna, gonna get that drill.

(LAUGHING)

Cousin, cousin, I can't feel my arm.

You sure? I can feel it.

(LAUGHING CONTINUES)

Well, then, I must be okay.

Now I'm gonna go around the other side...

Oh, dear.

Now...

Now, let's have a look!

Open wide!

Stop!

What's going on here?

Well, if you must know

I am about to perform an Orel Hershiser.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

(INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC)

Well, it's been a rich, full day, hasn't it?

You got that right.

We got our teeth filled,

I got this very handsome pair of gloves,

and we learned how to clean up a dentist's office.

You know,

I would have thought Dr. Shukin would have been

more upset about the mess we made.

Well, you know, I think it's because he likes us.

I hear him tell his assistant that he was going to put

a little something extra on our bills.

That's fair.

Cousin, I want to thank you for making me go to the dentist

even though I didn't want to.

Well, like I said,

sometimes you have to do things you're afraid of.

Yeah, and when you do

it's nice to have a friend there to help you.

I'm glad you were with me.

Well, I'm glad you were with me.

If you weren't, I never would have gotten over

my fear of needles.

Boy, that Novocain is powerful stuff!

Boy, tell me about it.

I didn't feel a thing.

So, cousin, going to the dentist

wasn't all that bad.

Yeah. I'll drink to that.

Careful, Balki.

(INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC)