Original subtitles

Playing the field is the happiest thing to do in the world.

There is a saying, a player must possesses good health.

You're not a man if you ain't a player in your 20s.

You're dumb if you ain't a player in your 30s.

You must be broke if you ain't a player by 40.

God won't forgive you if you ain't a player in your 50s.

Just go to hell if you ain't a player in your 70s.

Honestly, what is so attractive about this lady here?

Pretty good at this time of the night. Considering how light her skin is.

Her skin is just way too light.

Let's go.

Hey!

Where else do you wanna go?

Nowhere else. You've picked up the hottest ones anyway.

We have to go.

I will sleep alone tonight.

Come on,

you wanna leave with such a hot lady here?

You bastard

We are in the public.

Your lost...

Let's have us some sex.

As you like.

Wonderful!

According to a medical research,

If a person performs something repeatedly

for over 21 days,

It becomes habit.

Being a player is my most important habit.

I am Carson. Being a player is the most important thing in my life.

So you ask, Carson, when did this habit begin?

Actually, I was a pervert since I was a baby.

What the hell, the baby just...

What happened?

May be he wants some milk?

No he was squeezing my tits...

As a kindergartener,

picking up became my regular homework.

Hey, babe! Wanna come to my pool party?

Sure.

I invited her to my place to play

before the chubby girl's mom returns home.

I just wanted to get her naked and take a bath together.

Take a look-see.

Who would have thought...

Oh my God, you have a cock?

I picked up the wrong Chubby today. Damn it.

When I entered high school, I fell in love...

You have to rip it off...

With my hands?

I'll do it, I have long nails.

To be precise, it was the unrequited kind of love.

At that time, I adored girls with pony tails.

Karen Ho was my goddess.

I will make Karen Ho my girlfriend one day.

What a coincidence!

Yeah.

Just got off school?

Yeah.

Actually, I want to...

Go out on a date with me.

Same here.

Thinking about you keeps me up at night.

When I think about you, my heart starts pounding...

Oh, me too!

I can't sleep when I think about you.

Do you think about me when you jerk off?

How do you know? I jerk it at least 3 times a day...

Why are you getting a chubby right now?

Thinking about it won't happen, you need to make it happen.

You are very right.

Oh, what a coincidence!

Hey, you are Carson?

You are...?

It's me!

Sweetie Pie, we use to take baths together.

I think about you every night.

No way.

My asshole gets itchy everytime I think about you.

Hey, I don't know him. Gee.

You ungrateful ass, I don't wanna talk to you any more.

You better check yo-self before you wreck yo-self!

Hey, let me explain.

Karen Ho...l am not gay. I love girls

I love...

I ended up in the hospital...

Both arms and legs broken in 18 places...

Luckily my cock was not harmed.

I think the reason I recovered so quickly is

because I haven't had a wank in days...

My porn dealer was right,

one drop of semen is worth three drops of blood.

With my new body, I can carry on my work as a pick-up artist.

Goodbye, Winnie. Thank you.

He has a really huge...

I don't believe you...

Karen Ho?

Is it really you?

Hey...

You go ahead. I can crawl up by myself.

Karen Ho is holding my hand...

That asshole...

He got you pregnant then disappeared on you.

I will kill his family then rape his mother!

Don't be rude.

I like polite and gentle guys.

Let me put it in a more polite way for you.

The man deserves a slow death...

He procreated with you and you conceived.

And now he is playing hide-and-seek with you.

I will wish his family a one way ticket to heaven.

Then I will have non-consensual intercourse with his mother.

Nevermind, I chose wrong, I can't regret it now.

But I don't have the courage to do the operation.

Why?

My baby Daddy isn't here...

I feel...Humiliated!

What if I am willing to be your baby daddy?

Don't be afraid. You will be fine. Don't worry.

Thank you.

No problem.

Let me treat you to a movie after I recover.

Are you the baby's father?

That would be me!

Sign here please.

You are the baby's father?

You bet your sweet ass I am!

I am Karen Ho's father.

Uncle, it's not what you think!

Then what am I thinking?

Hey, Mister. Don't hit my cock.

Hit him only on his cock.

I thought I could handle it

but her dad finally broke it.

Luckily the doctor reattached it, it's now longer than before.

So in the hospital I stayed for three months. By the time I got discharged,

Karen's dad sent her for College in the states.

She never did watch that movie with me.

I would like to become a gynecologist.

Why?

Because every woman I meet

will open their legs voluntarily...

Shit, you just want to screw some hoes...

I would like to become a film director.

Why?

Because all men or women

will strip naked

whenever I want.

Shit, you just want to screw some hoes...

I would like to become the Chief Executive.

Why?

To serve Hong Kong.

But no one in Hong Kong will let you screw them.

They would end up group screw you instead.

That sounds whack! I don't wanna be Chief then.

After my buddies Jingo Wong and Thirteen Chan set me straight,

I gave up pursuing my career as the Chief Executive

A Chief Executive can lie,

someone always drops a dime.

But my job is safe.

A mediocre Feng Shui master will bleed you dry for 8 to 10 years.

That's right. I became a Chinese Feng Shui master.

My followers call me...Master Car.

My almighty, please empower me at once!

Maiden Yoyo Siu is possessed by a sick,

relentless demon.

I pray to all the Buddhas to cast out this demon!

So that I can finally shoot some semen...

Uncle, Auntie.

I advise you both go to the diner downstairs...

Because when I take control of your daughter's body

The 3 demons will come rushing out.

And bite your face off...

No, I am staying, for Yoyo.

I gave you a chance to leave...

You are gonna be sorry.

Get the hell out of here!

What did you just vomit?

Campbell's Cream of Corn...

Just take off those contact lenses. lam afraid of demons.

Why is the room shaking?

Yeah,

I got my earthquake subwoofers on.

Let's jack it up to Eleven on this bitch.

You sure are quick on your feet.

Otherwise, my parents would never let me out.

How will you reward my efforts?

I will you a blowjob that took generations of Siu's families to perfect!

Those damn demons sure are sick...

Yoyo never go out at night.

How could this happen?

The demons sure are relentless. I hope Master Car is alright.

Can the Master handle it?

I can't handle it!

The entrance is not facing West,

facing a construction site.

This is a bad luck spot

Haunted...this place is horrible. Don't buy it.

Oh Master Car

Are you trying to cock-block me?

Half of your commission, then I un-cock-block.

You are trying to rob me blind.

Mr. Chan, what do you do for living?

- I run a jewelry store. - You are bad out of luck.

You got an employment agency here...

A mini-storage there. . You're stuck in the middle

What do you get when you put the two together in Chinese?

Rob.

Exactly! Your jewelry store is bound to get robbed.

What should we do?

Excuse me. I have to take this.

Mr. Ho, how's the casino business? You want me to consult again?

Baby, tomorrow is your birthday.

Let's have dinner together.

Dinner sounds great.

Let's go to your favourite restaurant.

I will reserve a table for 8 o'clock.

Steak, my favourite.

See you at 8 tomorrow.

Alright Mr. Ho, I am gonna make you rich!

Master, is this store as bad as you say?

It's worse, this spot right here, is deadly...

Extremely deadly...

Trying to con the con-artist, go to hell!

Honey, this spot is deadly!

I am always right!

Thank you.

Hello?

Honey, tomorrow is your birthday.

Dinner, I won't take no for an answer.

I love dinner.

I booked a table at your favorite Chinese restaurant.

8 pm, OK? Bye.

M Hotel is superb.

Something is wrong here...

Your busted your head, so there is something wrong.

Oh, shit.

Yeah shit, you are knee deep in it too.

Oh, I am dying.

You won't die if you go to the hospital.

I'm gonna pass out.

Birthday dinners with 2 girls at the same building

might be hard for some.

For a balling player like myself, impossible is nothing.

50% chance of tapping 2 girls...

equals to 100% chance of tapping 1 girl...

Thank you.

Thank you.

You are hot as a fox tonight.

You look very charming yourself.

Oh, I forgot, I got myself plastic surgery for my birthday.

Feel my nose and you will see.

It's hard.

I know you like it hard...

You have a dirty mind...

My phone is ringing, I mean vibrating.

Yes, how's everything, Mrs. Chan?

You daughter just coughed up

hundreds of cockroaches?

Give me a minute.

You are on diet. You don't mind listening to this?

Don't talk about it in here.

Fine, I will talk outside.

Yes, this is voodoo curse called Roach-Mouth.

Sorry, honey. I came late again.

I prefer if you didn't "cums" so soon.

It's always better to "cum" late.

You know I can't hold out when it "cums" to you.

Naughty boy.

Come.

Let's eat.

My phone's ringing, I mean vibrating. Excuse me.

Mrs. Chan. Stay calm...

You daughter just

threw up cockroaches during dinner?

Don't talk about it here.

Oh, alright...

She is cursed, that's right.

Hi

Hi

Mrs. Chan is my biggest client, I can't let her down.

Baby, you know what's funny?

The girl over at that table is just like you

Her phone keeps ringing

and she runs outside to answer the calls.

Really?

Yup, she just ran outside.

It's hard to make a living in Hong Kong.

How about... going to Shek O for a drive after dinner?

That's too far, let's just Shek "O" in my car.

You dirty boy...

It's okay, it is just on shaky legs.

I think her dog may be an addict...

Drug addicted dogs?

You never seen then before?

Mrs. Chan's daughter has 20 piercings,

that's just her left ear.

She must be high,

I think she gets high with her pooch.

So, what should we do?

I will ask her to bring the dog's urine in for a lab test.

Your phone is buzzing again?

Excuse me.

Hi, Mrs. Chan. Oh my god!

Your dog is biting Mr. Chan's dick?

Oh, his brother Dick...

Mrs. Chan...

Don't panic...

Miss, please keep your voice down

you are disturbing the other customers.

Excuse me...

I will talk outside.

It's hard to make a living.

Mrs. Chan, don't worry.

Do you have lubricant at home...

Wow, it vibrates again.

Yes it did...

Mrs. Chan is really sick, Hello...

Talk outside.

Yes. Mrs. Chan

Two guys at the same time, looks tiring...

You are not so fit yourself...

lam Carson. I am a Feng Shui Master.

Chi-Ling. I am a veterinarian.

Your face tells me you get hit on a lot by the opposite sex.

Don't play a player, I am usually busy...

busy neutering bastard dogs.

Then can we be friends?

I read this article about a survey on rape.

Most victims are raped by their friends.

Sorry, I am back again.

I have ordered stir-fried shrimps. Do you like it?

Great.

Shrimps are too short...You won't like it.

Let me order a lobster for you.

Wow, it's huge.

Don't announce to the world about my size...

Lobsters, so what? Excuse me.

I would like two. One for each of us.

Don't start trouble okay.

Now everyone knows...

lam hung like a can of Pepsi.

What did you say?

Haha, you missed!

You lobstered my woman.

Jelly Boobies?!

Oh, this guy is crazy.

I still haven't asked you for your number...

Chi-Ling. What are you doing here?

They said...someone was attacked by lobsters.

So asked if I can help.

No way.

Mrs. Chan, your dog is having an epileptic seizure? I am on my way.

Baby, what are you doing here?

The guy that just left she said she was possessed by a demon.

I am here to exorcise for her.

Exorcise my butt, you were picking up that woman...

What woman? No woman.

I am a woman!

When did you come back?

Asshole!

Ball sack!

Girls With big tits

do slap harder...

Last night after meeting Chi-Ling, I was hard as hell.

After striking outwith both girls, I called my safety girl.

Easy Amy is a clear winner

in a situation like this.

Then, I myself became the subject of a medical condition.

Heart beat is fine.

Does it hurt?

Here?

How about here?

No.

There?

No.

Do you feel any tension in your spine?

No.

I am afraid, it is a blood circulation problem

I haven't seen this condition before.

So I asked my friend for help.

For a diagnosis.

She will be right here.

Am I going to die?

Everyone dies, it's when that matters.

What a coincidence.

A coincidence indeed!

Hey

Renowned veterinarian, Chi-Ling.

This condition rarely happens in humans, animals mostly.

What do you think?

How did this happen?

Please explain.

Please explain.

It's like this right.

You want to open the door, you stick in your key.

So you unlock the door, then when you pull the key,

It's stuck.

This condition usually happens with dogs.

The chances of it occurring on human is one in a million.

The vaginal muscle of a dog is circular-shaped.

It will contract as the animal reaches orgasm

trapping the male's sexual organ to ensure ejaculation

In this case, you are the male dog.

I am sure he is.

Then it's right.

I saw this happen by my building once when I was a boy.

They just pour water on the dogs... does the trick.

Looks wet enough from here, water is not the answer.

Ice will do the trick.

Where should I put it?

Put it around the scrotum,

as they will shrink, so will your organ.

It's thermal contraction and expansion.

What's a scrotum?

By scrotum, she means balls.

Then just say balls then...

I will go get some ice.

Is she putting them on me?

Don't worry, I'll do it.

I did your hemorrhoids operation, I got this.

Send you the invoice later.

You never told me about this condition of yours.

- M e? - Yes.

Don't ask, don't tell.

Screw you.

Thank you.

A piece of cake.

No, I really feel humiliated.

Twice in a week...l am ashamed of myself.

Get what you want

while you still can right?

As a fellow player, I have to admit I am impressed.

Don't sell yourself short...

You are only young once.

I won't settle for anyone

and say my vows.

I will die of boredom

You don't believe in marriage then?

I do and I will.

I will get married when I find the right person.

After that, I am going straight.

So that means you haven't found the right person yet.

Then that's perfect.

I sincerely recommend you a good one.

Don't forget your love glove,

it's a filthy world out there.

That means

the people in here are clean as angels.

I gotta get going. I will send the invoice.

I once thought Chi-Ling was an easy lay.

Who knew, I have finally met my match.

Hot chick with a brain to match,

I like.

What do you think?

Do I look like a filthy bitch?

Work it you filthy bitch.

Here comes a sexy nurse, bubble bath anyone?

I should call you the twin peaks twins.

Guys will be all over you two.

But then again, all hot guys are gay now.

If you ever meet one, cherish them.

So what's with you lately?

You are staying home doing yoga? You on the rag?

No, I just wanna take some rest.

The men out there will starve to death without you.

I wanted to be alone, but...

Actually, I met someone.

Got yourself a new target?

Does he look like Kaneshiro Takeshi or Daniel Wu?

He is well...special looking

A real player's

player in my book.

Doesn't matter if you meet a hot guy or a "fugly" guy.

They are players for the same reason.

So why torture yourself

by settling with him?

Do you believe in destiny?

Oh you are serious?

I have only met him twice...

The second time we met, he was dogging another girl...

But I feel something for him...

You must have wronged him in a past life... he is back to collect.

What are you on about?

You owed him something in a past life...

Take my dad,

he is fat, poor and loves hookers,

But my mom still loves him.

She must have owed him from her last life.

So what does he do?

He's a Feng Shui master on TV.

You mean Carson?

They say he is better than the pony tail guy.

You look like you already want

to steal him from me.

I've got an idea.

Let's invite him to join our flirty bitches party.

And ask him to bring

some rich yuppie friends.

So may be we can "get some" too.

Are his friends cool though?

It's a masquerade party,

costumes is a must.

I don't know, but I want to give him a try...

Let's try it.

Where are the doctor and director friends of his?

I don't wanna rush them.

Don't want to make them think I care so much about this.

That's right.

Hey.

Sorry that we are a bit late.

You guys are so cute. So who are you guys?

Can't you tell? We are just being ourselves.

Look, I am of course a Dick-head.

Obviously.

I am a pussy.

I am an ass and this is my hole.

They are my two roommates.

They are sisters by name not by blood.

Hi. I am Big S.

I am Small S.

- Great names. Just be yourselves. - Pretty good.

These two are my best friends.

Doctor Thirteen Chan.

Film Director Jingo Wong.

I am Carson.

Let's go in.

Sure.

Cheers.

I must say, I have always liked a Big S.

Don't,

my heart is pounding.

I would love to give your heart a pounding.

This here, it is true to size.

Your size?

Look how vascular it is...

Isn't it a bit stumpy?

What can I do with a Small S I ask.

Be the female lead of my movie!

What movie?

When Ass-man meets a Small S.

Don't worry. My intentions are pure...

I will purely and simply screw you...

So, are we playing your favorite game?

Whoever the bottle points at last, they are it.

Correct. Truth or Dare.

That person must answer the truth

or accept a dare.

Okay,

did you invite Carson because you are interested in him?

Do you have feelings for him?

Answer

Stop it!

I'm not answering.

Then take a dare!

Dare!

I've got an idea.

Pretend you are having an orgasm here in front of everyone.

- Then we will let you off the hook. - Agreed!

That's crazy. How do you fake an orgasm?

Every girl

fakes in front of their boyfriends.

Every girl I had didn't fake it.

Right. So I don't even get what you are saying.

Those are your screaming patients.

As for you, you date actresses, enough said.

Doesn't matter. Just do it.

Don't I need a guy

at least to have one with.

Carson's your guy.

But he makes me giggle.

No backing down, man up woman!

I don't think they will let you off the hook.

Just pretend this is whatsapp sex.

What is that?

I want to fire a rocket and shoot you into space.

We devour each other in zero gravity...

I will undo your bra with my hands, feeling...

Your pink nipples, queen of all nips.

When I say spread...

You say how wide...

If I have to set a restriction to our relationship

I hope it is shag now or forever hold our peace...

Madam, may I enter you?

Yes you may.

You are so hard!

I don't do Nicam sex.

Try again.

I said...your cock is so hard.

Hang on, I am cumming.

Don't cum that fast.

I am cumming.

Let me cover you.

I should get going. Bye.

Me too. Bye.

It's getting late. Let me give you a ride back to

My place. It's dangerous for a single girl out here.

Hey.

- What? - The bill is settled. We can go.

How about you? Are you available tonight?

Let's go to the closest hotel.

You forgot your pussy.

I got be a fresh one.

Wow. Everybody is gone?

Hey. They are all gone. Let's go.

Where do you live? I will give you a ride.

You are so drunk.

I should take what I can, while I can.

And be all that I can be...

Thank God. Thank you.

Hello? Anybody?

Wow, nice eggs...

Try it.

Wow. It's edible.

How many girlfriends do you have now?

Lost count.

A real player has over 100.

Those are not girlfriends.

Those are called McDonald's Delivery.

Meaning they are open 24 hours.

You know it's bad for you, but it taste good.

How about girlfriends?

Haven't had one for a long time.

How about you?

Me? I am a McDonald's fan...

Did you sleep okay?

Did we shag?

Don't you remember?

I was drunk, not even grabbing a tit?

I swear I didn't grab a tit, if I did, my hand would rot.

How do I know if you didn't use your feet?

I am not a foot man like Messi...

Oh, I love Messi.

I hate that footsy Messi. My favourite is Michael Jordan.

He can hold any tit, I mean, ball with a single hand.

Gotta get to work.

Off you go.

Thank you. Bye.

No way. Nothing happened?

May be he is too old to get it up?

Is he impotent?

I don't know.

I found myself in his bed when I woke up.

He slept in the bathtub.

It's an act, all men want pussy.

Maybe he is not a cat person.

May be he has STDs.

Or crabs, that's why he can't do it.

He could have used condoms.

It's weird as hell is what he is.

I think he has feelings for me.

He doesn't wanna make a bad impression.

Haven't you heard, people call him a pussy magnet.

I am a bit of a dick magnet myself I have to admit.

True. If you two end up being a couple

Then you will become Mr. & Mrs. Player

I wanna give it a try.

Just think about it.

Men nowadays

don't use their brains to think anymore.

They let their cocks think for them.

When you are in love, you tell each other everything.

Once the feeling is gone, the honesty is gone.

Committing to a guy like him is a bad idea.

But if I don't give it a shot.

How do I know if he is Mr. Right?

Maybe he has been a player for too long. He wants settle down?

I don't believe him.

Does his face tell you he can settle down?

I don't believe him either.

What does he have to do?

Unless you two share the same bed.

He is not allowed to have sex with you for 100 days.

He is not allowed to pick up chicks either.

Then I will believe he is sincere.

That's brutal.

But if he can hold out...

Then everything would be worth it.

I love this guy, can you imagine if he chatted me up?

Which one?

He is the son of the real estate tycoon,

Daniel Lee

He donated $500million to Children's Cancer Fund?

His dad has a hundred billion net worth,

best of all they are liquid.

You won't even make his top 10.

No. One of my friends knows him.

I heard that he is very loyal.

He only ever had 2 girlfriends.

Plus, he is still single.

If he wants me,

I'd settle for top 30.

Wake up sister, Daniel Lee, dream on!

What's so special you have to come here to tell me?

I have feelings for you.

But I am skeptical about your potential.

That's normal. What should we do now?

Move in with me and live in my house.

Right to the point, I like it.

Sleep with me on the same bed.

Crystal clear. I adore it.

But you are not allowed to have sex with me for 100 days.

Hugs and kisses at the most.

In addition, under no circumstance may you touch any other woman.

Living together but no sex,

did you just have an abortion?

No, this is a test.

If you can hold out for 100 days,

then we will be a couple.

If you break the rules, then it's bye-bye.

Her game is flawless, I am impressed.

I can't lose,

yet I must accept.

May be...things wouldn't be so hard...

What if she loses.

Master, I want it.

No means no! It's a challenge.

No sex for 10,000 days. Piss off.

Master, I want it now.

Behave yourself.

Go take a cold shower.

I beg you master, I can't hold it in.

Take care of it on your own!

Master, I want it now!

Does it itch?

Yes.

You want some cream for that itch?

I want a big tube.

What are you thinking?

What else can I think?

Have you made up your mind?

No obstacle has ever stood in my way.

100 days is a walk in the park.

Alright. I officially accept the challenge.

Yes.

"Hi! "Hi!

Hi!

Big S and Small S, you've met them before, right?

Of course! Who haven't?

We live together.

That's exciting.

Hello, I am Angelina.

Hi, I am Hamdelina.

Oh, what a great name.

Get moving.

Already moving...

This pervert could never hold out for 100 days.

He won't make it past tonight.

What is this?

Oh yeah, you have your side. I have mine.

So there is no touching?

Yes we can.

Here we go.

What am I touching?

Head.

And we can kiss each other too.

100 days is hard to wait...

It's all for your own good.

Can we start the 100 days tomorrow?

Let's shag tonight?

Do I look stupid?

I don't think so.

Do you want me to kick you out?

No.

Take a shower. Let's have dinner together after.

Dinner's ready.

Damn, 6 milk jugs at the table...

Who could resist!

Raw beef, leeks, oysters...

And Cow Dong!

According to the ancient herbal medicine,

everything here has an aphrodisiac effect.

Do they really?

We just love eating them.

You lick your oysters?

I am used to licking them before eating.

I am used to paleo diet after 6pm.

Do you want to lick that before eating it?

Good idea.

Nevermind.

I am taking the night shift at the clinic.

I am going out to play mahjong.

How come the TV is not showing anything?

We don't watch TV. We only watch DVDs.

Help yourself.

Be good at home.

Who doesn't watch TV?

Forbidden Legend?

Why is she bald? Looks like Vin Diesel.

Japanese school girl occupies Diaoyu Islands?

No way. Diaoyu Islands belong to us!

I am gonna go shower...

I'll watch a DVD. The Invader 3D. Alright.

What 3D, it's not 3D.

Invader...33D?

Damn.

33E, big deal.

Mrs. Chan. This is Category 3.

He's still young. He doesn't understand.

These pheromones sprays will make a monk rock hard in 10 seconds.

There is no resisting this.

Sex equals to emptiness, emptiness equals to sex.

Sex is emptiness, emptiness is sex,

I like big boobs and big butts and I cannot lie...

Gee! What am I talking about?

No. I need to transform...

Big S, Plan B.

Amitabha, a sister's boobies is out of bounds.

A cockroach!

Where?

Search it. There must be one somewhere.

No way. Don't make me.

Hey.

Just leave me alone.

You think I don't have the guts to screw you?

No matter what, someone is getting screwed tonight.

How incredible is this?

Righteous sacrifice. Fine. He passes for the day.

You still have 99 days to go, fat kid.

Chi-Ling must have set a trap with Big S and Small S...

I don't wanna make myself look stupid in front of the 3 chicks.

I wasn't going to be serious with Chi-Ling at first.

But at this moment,

screwing is not the issue here.

It's about pride.

Simon King,

let me explain the scene to you.

Your subconsciousness wants to get into

This female's uterus so badly

To express the ideology behind the human need for primal urges

and the self imposed taboos place upon beastiality.

What does that mean?

Stick it in fast and hard!

Great.

Rolling.

Screw her brutally, incredibly

Crazily, non-stoppingly

That's it.

Are you alright?

I'm gonna pass out soon. Bro. My sperm is rising up my throat.

Swimming up my brain.

Just dump her.

You know what she is called?

Chi-Ling.

C is for crazy.

And L is for lousy.

She hired a Pl to stalk me.

You see the cleaner by the shutters?

He is not cleaning anything.

Plus the guy with the behind the scenes camera

is shooting me the whole time. He hasn't shot the actors at all.

Hey.

By the way you keep looking at me,

I'd think you were in on it.

I speculate that you have severe paranoia

and self-imposed impotence.

Oh?

10 o'clock.

My clinic 10 tomorrow.

I want to roll up your foreskin and check your turtle head.

It would be my pleasure...

Dump her,

don't sacrifice an entire forest for one tree.

Jingo, it is not the matter of having sex or not anymore

We are men. We can't lose.

Director. Are we done?

If we were screwing for real, I would have cum 5 times already...

Take a break,

we will shoot Lynn's solo dildo scene now!

Oh Lynn and solo dildo again!

Why am I taking a bath?

Oh, madam, you shouldn't be here. This is male's bathroom.

I am just concerned with my employees' sex life.

You've been holding out for so long. Let me help you.

Sounds great. It's great that you can help but...

Sir Simon is coming back soon.

No, he isn't. He went to a night club and won't come back tonight.

What's going on?

What is that bulge poking me?

It's a big bulge.

No, madam.

You got me wrong. I am not poking you.

Cucumber?

That's not a large bulge...

Oh, there is something poking me again.

This is even larger.

Madam, this time it is me.

Cut!

Wow.

You have snot down your nose...

It smells fishy. That's not nasal mucus.

Luckily it didn't gush up to your brain. You shot your load through your nose.

Is this sperm?

As your bro, I will support you.

I got the best prop man

in the business to make you a chastity belt.

Guarantee that you can stay abstinent.

Iron-Lin!

You bunch of dickheads.

A seven-digit key lock.

Just punch in your ID number.

I don't remember my ID.

So,

I need to unlock it to go pee every single time?

There is an opening.

But the opening is so tiny.

Good for leaks, no good for erections.

Jingo, you are my best friend.

How can I repay your favour?

Don't mention it.

How can I tap that Small S?

Piece of cake.

Mom, stop staring at him. He is blushing.

Mother-in-law drooling over her future son-in-law .

I seen him before, Feng Shui Master on TV.

Yes, Auntie. I also read palms and faces.

By the position of your droopy ears,

I know your husband

makes a good living for you.

That's not true...

lam a stay at home dad, she earns, I spend.

Chi-Ling's mom is the one who makes money for the family.

I haven't worked in over than 40 years.

I am sure you support your wife mentally.

Auntie, you work so hard to raise the family.

Uncle must worship the ground you walk on...

I don't live with her.

I have two other girlfriends.

Chi-Ling isn't even my biological daughter either.

She also has two boyfriends.

Not sure who she belongs to.

I called dips and Chi Ling started calling me Dad.

A real honest approach to marriage, I respect that.

Auntie, you are very lucky.

I wouldn't say that either, that's just the beginning.

Actually, I have three other boyfriends in their twenties.

I am bi-sexual.

Her mom has four girlfriends too.

Our wife swapping group has 300 members on Facebook.

Your parents are extremely new age...

I bow down to you both.

Uncle, have you done any other unacceptable things?

I have raised 3 mules in Gaungxi.

That's it, you scum.

You have a defeatist attitude to victory,

showcasing the vulgarity of the Hong Kong spirit...

I am reporting to the Liaison Office.

Your sins are punishable by...

Aren't you getting ahead of yourself?

Execution!

Execution!

What are you day dreaming about now?

Nothing, I am thinking...

Your parents are so lucky

to have such a beautiful daughter.

I am also observing at your facial features.

I am also an amateur fortune

teller myself.

A fellow enthusiast, how fitting...

Of course.

You have lustful eyes

and a deceitful smile...

Small eyes, tiny lips, micro-soft penis

It's a pity to marry you.

How did you know?

Needless to say.

Large nose, big penis,

small nose...

Noses have nostrils.

A penis doesn't have two holes.

Stop arguing with my mom.

Am I wrong?

If LeBron James has a 20 inch cock,

Then his nose would hang off his chin...

Take it easy...

Let's order some food.

I want Spicy as hell hotpot, red peppers all night.

You like spicy food?

This is how we do it.

Bottoms up!

My parents love spicy foods.

I am alright, except for my...

My gut...l need the toilet...

Hurry.

Damn. I left my wallet in the car.

That's alright. I've saved it in my phone.

Hurry up, what are you shitting chains?

No, I am masturbating...l need time.

Come on, don't...

Calm down.

The PC muscle is controlled by my brain.

As long as my brain has control...

If I don't want to take a dump, it stays in...

Someone shit their pants...

Sir, someone said you shit your pants.

I didn't shit my pants.

I was trying a new squatting position.

May I borrow your phone?

And get me a spoon.

I will scoop everything clean for you.

Hurry UP-

You wanker!

Director told me you shit your pants,

I brought you clothes.

What's with

the tissues?

I have allergies. Damn it.

I am sorry, Iron-Lin.

How could you forget your own ID card number?

Damn it.

What stinks?

Where the hell did you go?

I prefer not to tell.

You must have met some homes.

Must have had fun, you left my parents and me behind.

Do you even care how I feel?

You think I don't care?

I was there the whole time, I just left.

I told the waiter to tell you that I wasn't in the washroom.

Why?

Do I have to say it?

Do you not want to tell me?

You were in another room picking up girls.

You had a booty call until now.

Chi-Ling Chow.

I broke my cherry when I graduated from high school.

I haven't stopped picking up girls until I met you.

Then I moved into your place.

58 days is the longest I have gone without pussy.

If I screwed any other girls during this time,

then may God make me impotent for the rest of my life.

Then why can't you tell?

Because I am an idiot.

I don't wanna screw any other girls, so I put on a chastity belt.

Then nature called,

it was an emergency, I forgot my ID.

I called someone to break me out. By the time he arrived, I shit my pants already.

Do you know the locksmith has allergies?

I shit my pants!

Why are you laughing?

I know you are telling the truth.

You knew everything?

You gave the waiter a hundred bucks asking him not to tell me.

That bill was still stinky.

If I offer him a thousand,

do you think he would tell me?

You have been mocking me all along.

Can't take a joke?

Since I have moved in

you set this partition between us.

I am looking at you through this partition every night.

Just like a kid

who is looking at goldfish outside the fish shop.

I could only look but not touch.

I can hold out for you.

But you could at least be more supportive.

Rather than mocking me.

If I wasn't serious about you,

why would I do this?

Think again.

Hey.

Sorry.

Let's make love tonight.

Let's see how long can our relationship can last after we do it?

May be we will be fine.

You dare me? No!

I am a player, but I always keep my word.

I still have 40 days to go.

Today is the 76th day.

Our relationship is getting stronger.

It could have become a habit.

I begin to think sex is not as important anymore.

She also stopped spying on me.

I haven't noticed any stalkers following me.

But a larger challenge awaits.

Night shift at the clinic tonight, I won't be home.

Enjoy yourself.

How about Big S and Small S?

They are going to play all night mahjong.

You are on your own, you can go chase some tail.

Great idea!

What did you say?

Come on, 20 more days is a piece of cake.

Good for you.

- Bye. - Bye.

Hello?

Carson Baby, I am Yoyo.

Yoyo? Yoyo Siu?

Yes, I miss you so much.

You haven't called me all this time.

I hurt my cock recently.

Haven't been using it.

I want to see you tonight. Come find me.

But, I...

I am at the stone house where that we had sex.

Come find me.

It's cold here, I want your arms around me.

Let me see.

Hello? Hello?

It will be dawn by the time she returns gets home from work.

Oh, I am sleepy. I am going to bed.

This is the only place that does not have a surveillance camera.

Taxi.

Excuse me, sir. We are closed.

Would you please treat him? He is not feeling well.

Alright. Please wait.

Doctor, he vomited twice.

May be he ate something wrong.

I am not surprise if he did. I have even seen dogs ingested a GI Joe.

Really?

His tummy is a little bloated.

Bad boy, Matthew.

Have you been a bad boy at home?

You look kind of familiar.

Are you a news anchor on TV?

No.

An injection should do the trick.

Thanks, Doctor.

This is your first time here?

Yes, Matthew's veterinarian is on vacation.

I found this clinic on the internet and it is close to my place.

You live in Aberdeen?

No, Deep Water Bay.

A rich boy.

It's indigestion, he will be fine.

That's wonderful. Thank you, Doctor.

No problem.

You're fine, Matthew. You scared your papa.

Alright. Let's go home.

In walks a hot guy in the middle of the night.

The old me would have picked you up right away

Now, nevermind.

But he does look familiar. Where have I seen him before?

This is the most haunted house in Hong Kong.

Don't be scared, I am here with you.

Nothing will happen.

So you are Fat Tat Szeto?

I don't know you,

Why did you tell the magazine that I was a bad Feng Shui master?

Haunted house tours!

You guys are idiots. Ghosts aren't real!

Man like him will run into trouble...

Yoyo!

Carson Baby is here.

Why don't you turn around?

I am putting my life at risk

to tell you that...

I have found my true love.

I have promised her that I won't fool around with other girls.

But before we break up...

Let's make out once more?

Stop trying to scare me, I won't sleep with you.

No cream of corn this time, what? Lime jelly this time?

Ghost!

Ghost!

I told you he will run into trouble.

Trouble has found me!

Hello, Doctor.

Hello.

I forgot to ask

if Matthew needs a second consult?

You waited all this time

to ask me that?

No need. He will be fine.

Anything happens, please call me.

I am Chi-Ling.

Chi-Ling, hello.

This is my name card.

Daniel Lee? Lee...

That's why you look so familiar. I've seen you on TV.

Yes, my dad doesn't like to attend those investors' conferences.

I help out when I can.

But I don't quite like to be on TV either.

You are quite handsome.

Thank you. Are you going home?

I can give you a ride.

Let's go.

Thank you.

Can I walk you to your place?

It's OK.

Walk you to your door? Promise.

OK.

Trouble has found

its way home to me.

If I get home after her, real trouble starts.

- Nobody. - Right.

It stops every floor?

Again.

Do you think it's a ghost?

There is no ghost in the world.

That's right. The Lee's are so powerful. Even ghosts stay away from you.

Yes!

Thank you.

Sorry. I have a boyfriend.

It's alright. We can be friends.

Thanks for tonight. I will buy you dinner.

Sure call me.

OK, bye.

Luckily Chi-Ling didn't catch me coming back.

But who the hell is the loser that gave her a ride home?

I have been holding out, she has been putting out?

Is he really Daniel Lee?

Hot bachelor. He's not into me?

What if he is? What should I do then?

I have asked Carson to wait for 100 days...

If I like screw someone else, that's just too damn mean.

The night passed without incident.

I almost forgot about the need for sex.

We just dry kiss sometimes,

never French

Soon 3 months will pass.

Today is the 92nd day.

We are celebrating two things tonight...First...

My film, "Punani! Simon King's search for Lynn's Pussy"

is officially released...

The second thing...

is for our great buddy Carson.

He has stayed without sex for 92 days.

One more week

he will be back in the sack!

Cheers.

Congratulations!

Actually, my success today

is all because of Chi-Ling.

Before her, I used to need 3 times a night.

But if you ever see Chi-Ling without her make up on...

Behave yourself.

Then you would want it at lease 10 times.

If I can hold out for 100 days...

and I will be able to spend the rest of my life with this person,

Then why the hell not?

Marry her...

I have my plan.

In order to celebrate our special 100th day anniversary

I have decided to go to a hotel

and throw a party together. How does it sound?

Great!

Marry her!

I won't get married yet...

But we will get engaged.

Hello.

Hi.

How are you?

Great, how about you?

I work in Ping-An Insurance.

Ping-An Insurance?

A peace of mind for you and mine...

I heard that you are a Feng Shui master?

Just swindling to earn a living.

I miss you a lot.

Me too.

Let's catch up when we have time.

I still haven't treated you to a movie.

I better get going.

Who is she?

Sells insurance...

Oh, Karen Ho.

Everyone is partying with us!

It doesn't matter. As long as you are happy.

The rooms are yours it's not a mistake.

You got it all wrong...

What is it?

He gave us 18 suites.

Yours is a presidential suite. Who is paying for that?

There's gotta be a mistake.

Miss, it's alright.

This is our boss' instruction.

To upgrade the rooms for Miss Chi-Ling and her friends.

Who is your boss?

It's me.

Boss.

Hello.

Hello.

I know you are throwing a party here today.

Sol have asked the manager to upgrade your rooms.

Thank you.

Hi, what a coincidence.

- Oh yeah, what a coincidence. - Yes.

Mr. Daniel Lee.

My “and, Carson.

Oh, Mr. Lee. This is my fianc?e.

I have treated Mr. Lee's dog before.

Your bastard?

No, it's a small doggie.

Please enjoy yourselves here.

I have asked the manager to comp your champagne. Enjoy.

Thank you.

- Bye. - Bye.

Daniel Lee is the hottest bachelor in the town.

That I know.

I heard that his girlfriend is a music diva.

See me fly, I'm singing in the sky.

Why didn't you introduce us? Shame on you.

We only met once.

Why didn't you tell us?

He brought his dog in for a consultation.

Then he gave me a ride home.

That's great

I am mad now.

Nevermind, let's go have fun.

He is so hot.

I doubt they have had intercourse

But I can't say for sure if they have kissed

or had popping candy blow jobs.

Blow job?

Your father owns half of Hong Kong so what!

A billionaire so what!

But your sperm count

hasn't hit 100 million yet.

How about this, you should negotiate a trade.

Cristiano Ronaldo and Chi-Ling both have great "ball" skills

His transfer is worth 100 million pounds.

Give it some thought.

@#$°/0*(*!*&*~>/0$°/o

A 18-word swear combo.

This will become my movies' great line of dialogue

Would that be in Category Ill?

It's in the super category.

Carson.

What a coincidence. What are you doing here?

I came with my two school mates.

We come for a meeting and we are done for the day.

Are you free?

Karen Ho!

Why do you guys look so old?

That's not true...

I have your number. Give you a call later.

OK, give me a call later then.

- Bye. - Bye.

Someone is gonna get some...

The old one shows up before you trade in your new one.

You are a busy man.

This is fate.

When God wants to make you crazy, he first makes you horny.

Wong Jing said, men have wants

Sex...More sex...then lots more sex

Yet I have no idea who Wong Jing is.

We should be enjoying ourselves tonight. It's a bachelor party.

Look at these hotties? They are all in bikinis.

But they can have their fun...

My heart is all over the place. Usually, it is only filled with one person.

But tonight, it is filled with two.

It's overcrowded that I have no place for myself.

Carson.

Oh?

I heard that you were here.

Really?

You don't like me anymore?

No, of course I do.

Why don't you go have fun.

I am on my period and I forgot my tampons.

I don't wanna pollute the pool, so...

Did I scare you? Is it why you are talking funny?

I will leave then...

Oh, what a coincidence.

It's destiny!

Will you be my girl?

Sure. I have been waiting for you to say it.

Karen, I...

You don't need to say anything, follow me.

I didn't see anything...

You are?

This is for you.

Thank you.

You feel bored?

No.

I wanna show you something.

Hey, she is leaving with someone.

Just enjoy ourselves. I didn't see anything.

I can't imagine that I will see you again.

It is destiny.

When my dad broke your legs...

I wanted so bad

to make it up to you.

You want me to break your legs back?

I promised you that we would have a movie date.

I remember.

I know at that time, Thirteen, Jingo and you

Spent a thousand bucks and made a movie for me

And hoped it would make me happy.

I am not sure if you can still find it?

The disc disappeared a long time ago.

No.

Jingo was penniless when he went to the US for film school.

So he posted the movie onto eBay for sale.

After I found it, I spent USD10 to buy it.

Oh no!

Cut.

No! that's not right, you have to express...

That kind of my heart

will go on mood.

Her heart is leaving her behind...

What should I do?

Cup her tits...furiously!

Grab with both hands, you are the king. Grab him.

Put some effort into it.

I am the king of the world!

Yeah...

Carson.

I know that you are getting engaged tomorrow.

I am returning to Shanghai in a few days.

I don't wanna let you go tonight.

After tonight, I will pretend nothing happened.

You get engaged. I will stay in Shanghai.

That's an awesome deal.

Then“.

You will remember me forever.

Why are there fireworks all of a sudden?

Because of you.

Me?

I would like to give you an unforgettable night.

You planned this?

There was only one week. Time was tight.

The whole team flew from Germany. They haven't slept in days.

I can't accept this, this is too much.

Actually, it is not just because of you.

It is also for myself.

I only have one day to court you.

You have been with him for three months.

If I can't be with you today,

then I won't have a chance ever again.

You want to be with me?

Yes, very much.

My dad urges me to get married. He wants a grandson.

I tried, I really did, but no such luck.

Until that night. That night...

when I saw you treating Matthew,

I fell for you.

I would like you to marry me.

I have never given a ring to any girl.

I hope you'd like it.

Would you marry me?

Hurry. Hurry.

Let me see. Fix your hair girls...

Promise me.

Honey, is it a baby boy or a baby girl?

Twin girls...

Girls again? Let's just get an abortion.

I am at the 7 months in... Why didn't you tell me earlier?

Fine, let's take a picture.

We are from two separate worlds. I am not your type.

We could try.

I don't wanna have kids.

This is a deal breaker.

I am not greedy, I am satisfied with that silly chubby guy.

Thanks for your fireworks and reception.

If anything happens to your dog, feel free to find me.

Best wishes to you both.

Sure.

Hello?

Where are you?

Where am I?

I felt bored at the pool.

I came out for a cigarette.

Alone?

Of course I'm alone.

Then go to bed earlier. See you tomorrow.

I love you.

You bastard.

You can't even hold out for a few hours. You are dead meat.

I am leaving.

Today is the 100th day. The day finally comes.

When Chi-Ling arrives,

the lawyer will host the engagement ceremony.

Then we can shag all night.

Congratulations. You can have sex finally.

- Thank you. - She's cumming.

Yes.

Before the engagement ceremony begins,

let's show everyone a video clip.

To witness their 100-days of love.

Boss, I got something to show you.

What is it?

We extracted it from the surveillance cameras.

The editing was quite good.

Who told you to do that?

I did it for you.

You...

No, I can explain.

Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to announce.

I, Chi-Ling Chow will not be getting engage today

But I have decided to marry him right away.

How could this happen?

Hello, I am Carson's school mate. I am Karen Ho.

Hello. I am Chi-Ling.

You have met an awesome guy.

Please cherish him.

How awesome?

Awesome in bed may be!

No sex for 99 days. It's normal to be a bit aggressive.

You got us wrong.

Nothing happened last night.

I saw him walking out

from your room last night.

He used to like me

but I didn't like him.

Then I went to the US.

I bumped into him twice.

I thought it was destiny.

I just wanna save some sweet memories for myself.

Everyone will die sooner or later. Be courageous.

God loves the world. He even sacrificed his only son...

The revolution is yet to be successful. Continue your hard work, comrades

What are you doing?

When I find myself being an asshole.

I just recite words from famous people... for some hope.

What do you mean?

I know I will regret this but...

I cannot have sex with you tonight

I have been a scum most of my life.

I am cheating on girls every single day.

But this time I have promised Chi-Ling that

I can't have sex with her or any other woman for 100 days.

I really wanna keep the promise. I don't wanna let her down.

So I must let you down.

You are such an awesome guy. I really envy her.

Thank you.

Really?

I don't need to lie to you.

I truly think he is an awesome man.

So I came here to give you my best wishes.

I wish you two happily ever after.

Thank you.

Pack your stuff, you are fired!

Why are you crying?

I was so scared just now. I thought you were going to dump me.

I won't let you off the hook that easy.

Hello, I am Daniel Lee.

I'm Karen Ho. Hello.

Forget them...

To commemorate our first time

We have decided not to make love at Daniel Lee's territory.

But to make it at home.

You are dead meat.

Are you alright?

I broke my cock again!

So we have to wait for another 200 days?

More I think...