Original subtitles

* Sometimes the world looks perfect

* Sometimes you just get a feeling

* Like you need some kind of change

* Nothing's gonna stand in my way

* This flame in my heart like a long lost friend

* Gives every dark street a light at the end

* Standing tall

* On the wings of my dream

* Rise and fall

* On the wings of my dream

* The rain and thunder

* The wind and haze

* I'm bound for better days

* And nothing's gonna stop me now *

(INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC)

Balki. Yeah?

Which tie do you think goes best with this shirt?

I think this one.

That one's also nice.

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

Hi, guys! Oh, hi!

Hi.

and we need a little favor.

Name it.

He's gonna put on that new shower head we bought.

Hey, consider it done.

Here's the plumber's phone number.

Don't worry.

I'll handle everything.

Well, thanks, guys. We've got to run. There's a cab waiting.

Bye-bye.

I'll call the plumber.

(PHONE PAD CLACKING)

Yes, I'm calling on behalf of Ms. Jennifer Lyons.

No, I'm going to be doing it myself.

No, you can't invite all your friends over to watch.

Jerk.

Uh... cousin, I...

I'm sure I'm wrong, but I could have sworn that I heard

you call and cancel the plumber.

I did. I see.

Well... I'm very sure I'm wrong

but I could have sworn that I heard you tell the plumber

that you were going to put on the shower head yourself.

I am. I see.

Well, in that case,

may I invite my friends over to watch?

Because when it comes to plumbing

you don't know Bo Diddley.

Balki, this has nothing to do with plumbing.

Jennifer wasn't asking me to call a plumber.

She was asking me to come to her rescue.

I could've sworn she asked you to call a plumber.

Those were her words, but her eyes was saying, "Help me."

No, I think her eyes were saying,

"Call the plumber."

Balki, Balki, Balki.

It's what women do.

They pretend to be helpless

so their man can come to the rescue.

has handled it,

Hmm?

Huh? Huh?

Ooh, ho, ho, ho! Ooh, ho, ho, ho!

(LAUGHING)

Are we still talking about plumbing?

(INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC)

(GRUNTING)

Cousin.

Can I offer you anything?

A tool, a ladder, a can of WD-40?

I'm fine. I'm doing fine.

Eh...

this in the spirit in which it's given

but as far as I can see,

you seem to have absolutely no idea what you are doing.

What are you talking about?

I think you are doing it completely wrong.

Oh, you do? Yes, I do.

Balki, how many showers are there on Mypos?

None. It's an island.

And how many shower heads have you replaced?

Well, I-- How many?

I-- How many?

How many shower heads?

None. None, as in zero?

As in never, ever have you replaced a shower head?

That is correct. I see.

showers for over a quarter of a century,

that I am doing it wrong?

That is correct.

Well, perhaps you'd like to tell me the right way.

Yes, I would. Would you?

What is the right way? I don't know.

But I just know you're doing it the wrong way.

Cousin, what did the directions say?

I threw them out.

My father has made it through his whole life

without ever reading a set of directions.

He once rewired the entire house without directions.

Isn't that the house that burned to the ground?

They never proved it was the wiring.

Now, are you going to be a friend

or you're going to stand there and insult my family?

Of course. All right, what you want me to do?

Just help me with this.

Here.

That's a hammer.

Very good.

the hammer referred to as the plumber's helper.

It was in my house.

Now... here.

I'll hold the wrench.

You've got the hammer.

When I nod my head, you hit it.

Come again?

When I nod my head, you hit it.

I can't do that.

I'll hold the wrench. You've got the hammer.

When I nod my head, you hit it! You hit it!

Now, do you understand? Yes.

All right.

Ready? Yes.

(SOBBING)

Wait!

What are you doing?

You said that when you nod your head, I'm supposed to hit it.

The wrench!

Hit the wrench!

I'll do it myself.

Good, because I'm emotionally drained.

(SOBBING)

The pipe broke, huh?

Yes, it did.

(INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC)

LARRY: You see? Balki, we did it.

All it took was good old American ingenuity

a little dedication...

And 23 straight hours of hard work.

Oh, cousin, this place looks like

the Ty-D-Bol Man went berserk.

A few cans of spackle

Boy, this spackle must be amazing stuff.

Yes, it is.

Now, what do you say we button this job up?

Jennifer and Mary Anne will be back tonight.

Cousin, where does this go?

Trash.

Well, I think we're ready to test this baby.

It's broken.

No.

(GROANING)

Well, do something!

Ahh!

Don't look at me!

Find the cut-off valve!

I think it's underneath the sink!

Then turn it off!

Well, I-- Turn it off!

Cousin, I can't.

My fingers are stuck.

Go on without me, cousin.

Save yourself.

Aah! Ah-ah!

Cousin.

(GRUNTING)

(PANTING)

Well.

(INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC)

BALKI: Cousin, what if the shower head comes off again?

Everything is fine.

Believe me, when Jennifer gets here

and starts gushing with gratitude,

it will all be worth it,

to me, anyway.

If you're interested,

No, cousin. I want you to have all the credit.

Suit yourself.

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

That's the girls.

Feel free to take notes.

Hi, guys. Hi.

We brought some wine from Paris.

It's imported.

But, uh, this is a California wine.

I tried to tell her.

That shower massage felt great after a long flight.

It wasn't the plumber who eased

those sore, aching muscles, Jennifer.

I replaced the shower head myself.

Oh.

Well, whatever.

No need to take notes.

The woman just got off a plane.

Give her a chance to adjust to the time zone

and the girl will gush with gratitude.

Uh, you know, Jennifer...

it felt good getting my hands on the old monkey wrench again.

I forgot how much I enjoyed it.

Well, I'm happy for you, Larry.

Listen, I hope we didn't make too much

of a mess up in your bathroom.

Oh, you... You'd be surprised.

What Balki means is that even the simplest of home repairs

can be tough, if someone doesn't know what he's doing.

Take it from Cousin Larry. Ha ha!

Well, it must give you a real sense of security knowing

there is a man around in case there's a crisis.

Or in case you want a crisis.

Balki? BALKI: Yes?

Don't you think you should pour the wine?

Good idea, cousin.

Better me than you.

Ha, ha, ha, ha.

You know, it's weird.

I could have sworn when we left

Well, sometimes, uh, even the simplest thing

like a new shower head can change

the whole look of a bathroom.

JENNIFER: It looks great. Of course, now I do have to buy new towels.

LARRY: If there's anything else you need done around the apartment

uh, feel free to call on me.

Cousin.

LARRY: You know, I've always been good with my hands.

My dad taught me all about home repair.

my dad rewired our entire house

without a set of directions?

Uh... cousin. LARRY: The man was a genius.

Um...

Oh.

Thank you.

There you go, Mary Anne.

And...

Ooh.

Lovely rose.

Funny, it wasn't rose when I bought it.

We seem to have sprung a little leak.

Oh, my goodness.

Oh, all right, uh... Don't-don't worry.

No need to panic.

Well, shouldn't we call the landlord?

(WATER DRIPPING)

(DRIPPING STOPS)

Whatever it was, it stopped.

Now, come on.

Let's not let a leaky roof ruin a beautiful evening.

Remember, into every life, a little rain must fall.

(WATER DRIPPING)

Isn't our bathroom right up there?

(WATER DRIPPING CONTINUES)

(INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC)

Well, that depends on what you plumbers consider an emergency.

Did you see The Poseidon Adventure?

Larry, I still don't understand

why you tried to fix it yourself.

I thought that's what you wanted.

I just wanted you to call the plumber.

It seemed so simple.

Cousin, the plumber's on his way.

He said have your checkbook ready,

plus any CDs that might have matured.

Come on, Jennifer. We better go upstairs and wait for him.

Bye.

Bye. Bye-bye.

Balki, why...

Why do I do this?

I mean, why didn't I just

call the plumber in the first place?

Well, cousin, you know-- Or after the pipe broke.

Well-- Why didn't I realize it?

Well, because-- Or after the toilet exploded?

I mean, what does it take?

What is the matter? What is wrong with me?

Well, cousin, you know, part of the problem is you tend

to ask questions and then not wait for the answers.

Balki, how did I let things go so far?

Well, you know, cousin, you sometimes get an idea

in your head, and then you just won't let it go.

You remind me of this dog I used to know on Mypos.

He was always chasing his tail and then

one day he caught it and

spun himself to death.

It wasn't a pretty sight.

Well, I guess I do get

carried away sometimes.

I just thought that-that if I could do it myself,

Jennifer would be impressed.

Cousin, listen.

Jennifer likes you for what you are,

and you want her to like you for what you are not.

Well, I figured if she thought I was a macho,

handy, take-charge kind of guy

she'd like me even more.

Cousin, listen to me.

She wants you.

(THEME MUSIC)