Original subtitles

* Sometimes the world looks perfect

* Nothing to rearrange

* Sometimes you just get a feeling

* Like you need some kinda change

* No matter what the odds are this time

* Nothing's gonna stand in my way

* This flame in my heart like a long lost friend

* Gives every dark street a light at the end

* Standing tall

* On the wings of my dream

* Rise and fall

* On the wings of my dream

* The rain and thunder

* The wind and haze

* I'm bound for better days

* It's my life and my dream

* And nothing's gonna stop me now *

Balki, if you give away any more stuff

to the neighborhood clothing drive,

Well, cousin, I like to live by one principle.

"Happy is the heart of the cheerful giver."

Besides, these aren't my things, they're yours.

Mine?

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

Uh...

This is my high school chorus jacket.

There are a lot of memories in this jacket.

Oh!

Maybe you should take some of the memories out of the jacket.

I don't understand. This always fit me perfectly.

Now, cousin, hiding is not the answer.

Oh, my Lord!

I've gained seven pounds!

Hi, Balki. Hello, hello.

Hi. Hello.

We'll be in Australia all week,

I hope it helps.

Cousin, look, look the beautiful things they bring me.

All that stuff is too big for us now.

Now you can take this, too.

Larry, this is a nice jacket. Why don't you want it?

Well, for one thing it's out of style now.

And for another thing, he gained seven pounds and it don't fit.

Of course most of it's muscle.

You look just fine. Doesn't he, Mary Anne?

Well, if I'd gained seven pounds, I'd die.

I think a little tummy on a man is cute.

Uh, let's go, Mary Anne.

We'll see you guys, Saturday, okay?

Bye, Balki.

Did you hear that?

Jennifer thinks that you and your tummy are cute.

Sure! Like the Pillsbury Doughboy is cute!

Well, I wasn't aware I was panicking.

Let's see.

If I lose a pound a day, I can do it.

Oh.

Now, now, cousin, cousin,

you, you know how much I think of you

and that I have your best interest at heart,

so you got to believe me when I tell you,

no way.

You don't think I can do this, huh?

Well, I guess you don't know Larry Appleton

as well as you think you do.

All this takes is self-discipline.

Sheer, iron-willed, self-discipline.

Well, you wouldn't have to iron your will so much

if you let me put you on the Mypos diet.

The Mypos diet?

Oh, the Mypos diet.

What do you do, cut down on the pig snout?

No, it isn't the pig snout itself that's fattening.

It's all that junk you put on top of it.

A country whose king weighs 300 pounds?

He has a gland problem.

Balki, you told me he holds the world record for eating jelly donuts.

If I'm gonna go a diet, I choose an American diet.

We know about dieting.

No.

And all it takes is will power.

And when it comes to food, I am Mr. Willpower.

let me put you on the Mypos diet...

Forget the Mypos diet.

Yes, but listen to this...

Balki,

I don't want to hear another word about the Mypos diet

in my lifetime.

Well, don't worry about that, Mr. Gut Buster.

Freeze!

I noticed earlier this evening

So, this,

this is what happens to Mr. Willpower

when the sun goes down.

Okay, okay.

You were right.

I can't do this on my own.

All that exercise and no food.

That, that's no way to lose weight.

I, I don't know what I was thinking.

You were right.

I was wrong.

I'm gonna need some help after all.

So,

maybe you could give me that Mypos diet.

Let me get this straight.

You

want me to give you that

Yes.

Yes, give me the Mypos diet.

Well, I'm gonna have a little bit of trouble with that. Why?

Because I'm not allowed to mention it in your lifetime.

You're not gonna make this easy for me, are you?

Hmm, no, no. No.

Balki, please.

Well, now, cousin, we don't want to be hasty.

Are you sure you want to give up the Larry diet?

You know, the one where you eat nothing all day

and then at night you eat everything

in the refrigerator except the light bulb.

Yes.

You did leave the light bulb, didn't you?

Yes, yes, I did. That's very nice.

I renounce the Larry diet.

Now will you give me the Mypos diet?

I can't.

Why not?

You made fun of my king.

I'll take it back. I love the king.

I'm sorry about his gland problem.

He has big bones, too.

The biggest.

The best.

He is the envy of monarchs everywhere.

He is.

so that I'll give you the Mypos diet.

No, I'm not.

Yes, you are. No, I'm not.

Yes, you are. Yes, I am.

All right, cousin. I'll give you the Mypos diet.

Oh, thank you.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Balki, I don't have to eat

any strange native dishes, do I?

Well, of course you don't.

Don't be ridiculous.

You're not allergic to fish eye soup, are you?

Ugh!

Well, it's not as bad as it sounds.

you have to help me not to cheat?

Will you do that? Of course, I will.

that's not on the diet.

There.

I did it.

What did you just do to me?

I just performed the Mypos ritual of promise.

It means the earth may crack,

the sky may fall, but I will never,

never, never,

break my promise.

LARRY: It's been four days.

I can't believe it!

I've lost three pounds! The Mypos diet works.

Oh, cousin, you don't need to thank me.

Oh, yes, I do. No, no, no. You don't.

Yes, I do. No, you don't.

Cut it out. Now.

You know, Balki, I bet if I weigh myself

without my shoes on, I'll weigh, I'll...

Balki.

Minus five pounds?

What did you do to the scale?

Two pounds? I've gained two pounds?

Yes, yes, you did.

Balki, I gained weight.

I could have eaten chocolate and gained weight!

Instead, I spent four days eating fish eyes

and-and pig snout and little squishy things

I don't even wanna know about.

Now, listen, cousin, let me explain to you.

Uh, the first few days of the Mypos diet,

you bloat up a little bit.

But the weight will go away.

You'll see. It will?

You'll feel better.

Fish eye soup again?

Fish eye soup again.

Soup is good food.

Now, I want you to eat it while it's hot.

If you let it get cold, the eyes will get tough.

Hello. Pioli's Pizza? This is Larry Appleton.

Yes, it's me again.

I want that pizza now!

Because there is a man here

who has not had real food for five days

and he is very, very hungry!

Balki!

I thought you were out collecting clothes for the poor.

Well, cousin, I was.

Look how generous people were.

They give the pants off their backs.

Winter is coming.

Go back out there and get wool!

What am I saying?

Wool is itchy.

Who that man? Census taker.

Two.

You know, I tell you what.

A lot of my clothes just are way too big for me.

Why don't you back, go through my closet

and take whatever you like?

But, cousin, you know,

Well, I'm, I'm being generous again!

Sorry, I wanted it to be a surprise.

It's his birthday. You keep the change now.

Cousin, you know...

this shirt, I think, still fits you.

Oh, doesn't matter. Did you get the sweaters?

What sweaters? All my cashmere sweaters!

Take them! Take them!

You should be ashamed of yourself.

Well, you know,

Oh, hey, I decided I don't need to lose all that weight anyway.

I'm perfectly happy the way I am.

I'll go get the pizza.

Oh. Oh, I know.

It's the promise thing, right?

Balki, you can forget about your promise.

Uh, we can go on with our lives.

Balki, Balki, Balki.

This isn't Mypos.

It's America.

People break promises all the time.

That's why we all that Indian land.

I'll go get the pizza.

Okay, okay, forget about the pizza.

You know, I, I don't even know

why we're having this discussion.

The diet is over and that's that.

Ha, ha!

I mean, it... It's just a few extra pounds.

I can learn live with it.

Tell you what.

I'm gonna go out and grab a bite to eat.

You're not going anywhere.

I'll stay. I'll be good. Just put me down.

What was that?

What was what?

Oh! Goodness gracious!

Those are cookies.

I wonder who put them there.

I bet it wasn't the Cookie Monster.

Balki, I don't know what you're talking about.

Those things have probably been in the couch for years.

I bought it used.

Well, I just have to look myself.

A-ha!

Is this all of it? Yes, yes.

You know, I can always tell when you're lying

because you say everything twice.

I'm not lying.

I am not lying.

Well, then, I will find the things myself.

And I'll use your conscience as my guide.

Argh!

You should be ashamed of yourself.

I wanna thank you for saving me from myself.

Thank you.

Thank you. You're a real friend.

Ah! Ah!

Ah! Ah!

Give me that.

I'm eating this, and you can't stop me.

No!

Stay back!

I'm not afraid to use this!

All right.

Go ahead. Eat your stupid donut.

What? Go ahead and eat it.

If it's that important to you, go ahead.

I don't care.

You're not gonna stop me?

No.

Well, I break my promise.

Balki, you said a Mypiot never breaks his promise.

Well, a Mypiot never lived with you.

On Mypos, when you ask somebody to help you,

you let them help you. You don't fight them.

You are the one that want to lose weight

and you make me do all the work.

You lie to me and you trick me,

and now this.

And I can't take it anymore.

I haven't got time for the pain.

So, I'm breaking my promise.

There. I hope you're happy.

Balki, I'm... I'm sorry I did this to you. I...

When I asked you for help, I... I meant it.

But I never had to lose weight before.

I... I never understood why they didn't just eat less.

Look, the past few days, I've learned how hard it is.

I should never have made you take all the responsibility.

Uh. Oh!

I wish there was some way I could make it up to you.

Well...

There is? I'll do anything.

You could go back on the diet.

I can't do that.

Well, then I'll just have to be a Mypiot without honor.

I suppose I could get used to wearing the hood.

The hood?

Yes. It's... It's made from stinky itchy goat hair

and it makes your skin break out.

But that don't matter so much

because no one will ever see my face again.

All right. I'll go back on the diet.

Okay.

Cousin, hurry up.

Uh, the sooner you weigh yourself

the sooner we can get something to eat.

Larry, you look great.

Yeah, have you lost weight?

Mary Anne, he's been on a diet.

Oh, right.

Come on, cousin. We want to see how much less there is of you.

All right, now you know the important thing

is not whether I've gained or lost weight.

It's that I've grown as a person.

The inner me is stronger.

Well, we want to see how much the outer you weighs.

Well, my self-esteem does not depend

on a bunch of numbers on a scale.

Yes! Yes! I did it!

I've lost seven pounds.

Oh, cousin! Very good!

Come on. Let's go to dinner.