All language subtitles for State.of.the.Union.S01E01.Marathon.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP2.0.H.264-NTG_track3_eng

- Hi.
- Oh hi.

- I bought you a drink.
- Thanks.

- Thank you for coming.
- Oh, that's OK.

- Have you been here long?
- No, no.

That's my fourth.

- It's not really my fourth.
- Right.

Phew.

- It is my second, though.
- You're entitled to two.

- Won't you want a pee break?
- I hope so.

And I'll make it last
as long as I can.

It'll seem like
you've been for a poo.

Oh, hell. I'll announce
right at the beginning

that I can never poo
in someone else's house.

I think I could say just about
anything today and you'd laugh.

Within reason.

Let's not test that theory out.

There is a difficulty, though.
What constitutes reason?

There's a talking point.

We've probably got
enough talking points

without delving into the history
of western philosophy.

You're right.

Who was the reason philosopher?
I want to say Kant.

I want to and I will: Kant.

There, I said it.
Shall I check?

No, please don't.
We've only got a few minutes.

- Are you sure?
- Yeah, I'm sure, but thank you.

- Were the kids OK?
- Yeah, fine.

Did Christina remember
she was staying late?

I hope so.

- Dylan got another detention.
- Oh, hell. What for this time?

He was doing an impression
of someone I've never heard of

in Geography.

Idiot. Shall we talk about...?

I mean, literally
never heard of them.

Some YouTuber or Grimy.
Who knows?

Otis was feeling a little better
as I was leaving.

Surprise, surprise.

Are you trying to fill the time
before we go?

I suppose I am a bit.

I'm nervous.

I'm sorry. If it wasn't for me,
we wouldn't be here.

No.

Just no?

Yes, just...

no, if it weren't for you,
we wouldn't be here.

A sad fact.

You wouldn't take a tiny bit
of the responsibility?

No. Why?

Because...

Because it's a long
and complicated road

that's led us here,
don't you think?

That depends
how you look at it.

There's long and complicated
and then there's...

...as the crow flies.

Talk me through
the route your crow flies.

You slept with someone else
and now here we are.

Except there's a bit more to it
than that, isn't there?

Which way do you go, then?

- Crow or no crow?
- Crow.

You stopped sleeping with me.

I started sleeping
with someone else.

My God, that's such
a short version,

and quite crude,
if you don't mind me saying.

My version's actually
longer than yours.

My version explains
why we're actually here.

Yours is just
a short partial version

of the long mess
that came before.

Yes, I made a mistake, but...

Can we just clear something up?

How many mistakes
was it in total?

- Well, one.
- One?

Yes.

- Depending how you define it.
- Oh, OK.

Well, let's define it in the way
that gives it the highest number

so I know
what we're dealing with.

The highest number
would be in the hundreds.

Jesus Christ.

Because of all
the tiny, tiny decisions

- that led to the big mistake.
- Oh. No, no, no. I'm...

I'm not really interested
in the tiny decisions.

We need to leave
in five minutes.

So, one.

But when you said it depends
on how you define it...

Well, you could define it as...
as one affair

or you could define it as...
as four mistakes.

How?

The first mistake
repeated three times.

I'm... I'm lost.

How many times
did you sleep with this guy?

Four.

- Not three?
- No. One mistake.

Three repetitions
of the original mistake,

the first time being...

the original sin,
sort of thing,

and the other three as...
as duplicates.

I mean, you can't write
four times off as being...

accidental.

You'd be hard pushed
to write one off

as being accidental,
to be honest. I mean...

How would that work?

Look, I had an affair.

Are you not consoled
that it was...

it was only four times, not 40?

No, not really.

I mean, once you get to four,
you might as well get to 40.

I think if it had been 40,

we would be having
a different conversation.

Yes. One with lots of 40s in it
instead of fours.

You know what I mean.
40 would have meant

it was going on for...

I'd like you to finish
that sentence.

How long would it have taken you
to get to 40?

This is
a ridiculous conversation.

No, I'm just looking
for an approximate rate

so we can calculate frequency
as well as number.

Why?

- Comparison.
- There is no comparison.

It's like comparing

a 25-yard dash
with a marathon.

- And we're the marathon?
- Yes, of course we are.

Well, we're married.
We've got children.

We didn't know
that was gonna happen

when we started
having sex.

We weren't pacing ourselves.

We didn't say, "Oh, we'd better
not go too hard at it

"in case we run out
of sex in 15 years."

Look.

OK, these...

these four times took place
over a few weeks.

Our first four times took place
over a few days.

Hm? But where does that get us?

How long is it going to take us
to get to four times from here?

- Where's here, though?
- Here, now,

when we're not
having sex at all.

If you stick
with the running analogy...

Which I'm not committed to.

Right now we are Usain Bolt
with an injury.

A groin strain, if you like.

We're both Usain Bolt?
Not just you?

Our sexual relationship is
Usain Bolt with a groin strain.

Yes, we're stalled.

But once we're up and running,
we'll hit four in no time.

We've got less
than five minutes.

We should sort out an agenda

that doesn't involve
Olympic runners.

My agenda is why did you sleep
with someone else?

To answer that question

I suspect we have
to answer a lot of others.

Really? Oh God.

Oh... Oh, they're out.

You can see
the house from here?

Yeah, it's that one there
with the green door.

Those two,

they've just been given
a right counseling.

They look shell-shocked.

- They're completely fucked.
- As in exhausted

or as in there's no future
in the relationship?

- Both. Look at them.
- Is that really what we want?

To totally fuck
our relationship?

I mean, it's not like
there's nothing of it left.

No, of course not.

I mean, we've got two kids,
for one thing.

Exactly.

- And...
- Crosswords.

- Yes.
- And...

- Game of Thrones.
- When it's on.

I guess what I'm saying is,
I just didn't... I didn't think

we had the kind of marriage
that needed poking around in.

Poking around in?

I suppose
it's a medical metaphor.

It's quite a good one.

If they opened you up and
found you riddled with cancer,

would you want them
to sew you up again?

You know I don't
like talking about cancer.

Can't it be Ebola?

You'd rather have Ebola
than cancer?

It's harder to catch Ebola
when you live in Kentish Town.

The point of the metaphor
is that you've got it,

not that you haven't, so...

if we'd managed to avoid
all marital disease,

we wouldn't be sitting here now.

Fair enough.

OK...cancer.

So, do you want them
to sew you up and pack you off?

How far has it gone?

That's why
they're poking around.

They can't tell
without a bit of poke.

This is why I never go
to the doctor's.

Which takes us back
to where we started.

You don't wanna talk to anyone
about our marriage.

If it dies, you'd rather
just find out about it

because it collapses
on the spot.

Yes, exactly.

Look, you're a gerontologist.

You know all about good deaths.

I mean, keeling over suddenly,
that's gotta be one of them.

But that's a heart attack.
Marriages don't die suddenly.

They've always been...

They've been sick for a while
before they kick the bucket.

Mm, right.

Look, I think what I'm saying,
medically speaking,

is that either we leave it
and it kills us

or we get it looked at.

- OK?
- Yes.

I mean, I can't say
I'm looking forward to it.

I don't want
to run away from this.

No, of course not.

I mean, however badly it goes,
it's just an hour, right?

I was talking
about the marriage,

not the counseling.

Oh.

- Ha.
- Hm.

All right.

Oh, before we go,
is it a man or a woman?

- You never said.
- I did.

- It's a woman.
- Oh, a woman?

Christ Almighty.

You would have said
exactly the same thing

- if I'd said it was a man.
- Well, yes.

But bad in a different way.

I mean, if it was a man,
I wouldn't be able to...

talk about anything intimate,
obviously.

- Obviously.
- But if it's a woman,

oh, man, I'm gonna
get slaughtered.

Slaughtered?
Why won't she slaughter me?

Feminism.

I know that you had the affair

but it'll turn out
to be my fault.

There'll be
mitigating circumstances.

Not just my... the...

the bloody sex stuff, but...

she'll find out
that you make all the money

and do most of the cooking
and whatever,

even though you work
and I don't and...

and you do
all the boring arranging stuff.

I think she'll just write you
a blank cheque.

She'll be like, "Go on, Louise,
fill your boots, girl.

"You can have ten affairs
if you want 'em."

I don't think
marital counselors tell clients

to have ten affairs,
and I...

I really don't want ten.

The one I had
was very stressful.

She's gonna write it off,
that's for sure.

I won't let her. I'll tell her
exactly how bad I've been.

I don't think we need
all the details, do you?

Not like that.
I mean, how awful I was.

How unfair and...

sneaky and...

...morally reprehensible.

Cool.

Let's walk up this road
for a minute

and try and sort it out.

What are we sorting out?

Well, whether a man
or a woman is best.

It's a woman,
sitting there, waiting for us.

There's nothing to sort out.

Well, I mean, not necessarily.

We could forget about this
and try and find a man.

Who, as you point out,
would be bad in a different way.

I've changed my mind about that.

Oh, come on, Tom.

This was your idea
in the first place.

Tom?

Tom!

Tom!