Original subtitles

.

- Previously on "Grosse Pointe Garden Society"...

- Oh, God! Oh, God! Oh, God!

Ugh. - Keep your head down.

Do your community service like the judge said.

- You really are all kinds of trouble.

- You have no idea.

- Marigolds draw the eye,

which will make us a shoo-in for next season's cup.

- We need money, Alice. - I don't get it.

- Without your job, we can't afford to keep this place.

- I want both of you to be really honest with each other.

- Did you do something to my dog?

- I'm gonna go stay with my parents.

- Alice. - She's just a friend.

- Nobody looks at their friend like that.

- I thought we were just having fun.

- You really are a pig.

- So what does that make you?

- There's something I need to tell you.

[tense music]

[tires screech]

- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! [grunting]

- I just need to ask you a question.

About the other night at that fancy garden party.

Any chance you know someone by the name of--

- * Sun through the blinds *

* The heat comes down *

[MUNYA's "It's All About You"]

* Gotta be real, gotta be true *

* I'm going crazy *

* Ooh, ooh *

* Can't see the world I'm walking through *

- Doug?

What are you doing?

- Oh, my God. You look amazing.

- You need to get ready.

- I'm just going for a quick run.

- We gotta leave soon.

- Well, I could work out from home.

- I will never get this dress back on once it comes off.

- Mm, fine by me.

- [chuckles]

* *

OK, OK, OK. - What? What? What?

What? What? What? - Just get your tux.

- I'm on it, babe.

- Thank you. Love you.

- After my run. - [groans]

[dramatic music]

* *

[Dima Pantyushin & Sasha Lipsky's "Book"]

[quirky electronic music]

- [singing in Russian]

* *

- I've never understood what's so great about a garden.

* *

Carefully curated flowers trapped in perfect formation?

* *

They're like animals in a zoo.

They can't survive unless

people give them food and water.

- Save that replay!

[indistinct chatter on TV]

Any word from Doug?

- Why won't he text me back?

- Well, maybe he's not getting them.

- It says they were read.

- Well, that is a rookie move on his part.

* *

- [groans]

- [chuckles]

- I don't know how I'd get through this without you.

* *

All right.

Oh-ho! - Ah, so close!

- On the rim!

Oh! - Whoo!

- Nice.

- And put them next to the wrong plant,

they'll kill each other.

- So how would you say the gardening's going?

- I think the better question is,

how does the judge think it's going?

- You haven't been keeping up with your hours.

- Well,

Marilyn spends more time huffing Miracle-Gro

than signing my time sheets.

[chuckles]

OK, real-real? - Mm-hmm.

- These thumbs aren't green enough for a garden club.

I just get in the way.

- You gotta somehow find your place.

- What if I can't?

- You'll have to serve your 90 days in county.

[soft electronic music]

- So if gardens are supposed to be about nature,

I'd say they're pretty unnatural.

[indistinct radio chatter]

- What's up with the 5-0?

- Bloomfield Hills broke into our meeting room last night.

- How do you know? - 'Cause the only thing missing

is our landscape design.

- Bloomfield Hills, riding dirty.

- It's like Watergate, only way more important.

- It's still cheating.

They should be disqualified.

- Well, they won't be.

- What'd the cops say?

- That nothing of value was stolen.

- Except all our secrets to win the cup.

- So they're not gonna do anything?

- Marilyn's making them take fingerprints,

but a garden club competition is not their top priority.

- Well, that sucks.

- How did they even get in?

- Marilyn said a window was open.

- Maybe there'll be fingerprints?

- Uh, sweetie?

- Huh? What?

- I think they're hydrated.

- Oh. [sighs]

* *

- [sighs]

Is that just for fun?

- It's for Ms. Rothman.

- Oh.

For school.

- She said to draw something you learned from a friend.

- Huh.

Well, I like what you did over here.

the way you colored in that shirt.

- Thanks.

- But over here,

do you see how the red goes outside the dress?

- Yeah?

- Hmm.

- What's wrong, Mommy?

- Oh, nothing's wrong.

Except...

you colored in the lines here,

so I know you could also do it over here.

- Maybe I should start over.

- Well, that's up to you.

But we have plenty of paper.

So who are the people you're drawing?

- You and Daddy. - Oh.

And is that your little brother?

- Uncle Gary.

- Huh.

OK, um...

[laughs nervously]

Well, what did you learn about Uncle Gary?

- Collette says you like him more than Daddy.

- [scoffs]

Well, that's a silly thing to say.

- Yeah.

She heard her mama talking about that on the phone.

- Yeah. [electronic beeping]

How about some pot roast?

Yeah.

[light tense music]

* *

- Ugh.

Did they give you the burrito or the bowl?

'Cause I switched it on the app--

[keys jangle]

Oh.

Hey.

- You expecting somebody else?

- Just Brett.

- Any, uh, packages come for me?

- Yeah, yeah, I was gonna...

drop 'em at your parents'.

But I didn't know if you'd be back.

- * Silly buddy, everyone knows *

So are you?

- What?

- Back?

[Amen Dunes' "Everybody is Crazy"]

- Why is the serving size always two?

They should just make a bigger vitamin.

- How many ways can I say I'm sorry?

You want it in French?

Je suis désolée.

You want it in Italian?

I'll learn it.

* *

Just tell me what I have to say to fix this.

* *

- We're getting evicted.

[letter slaps on table]

- What?

* *

They can't do that.

- Well, they're not running a charity, Alice.

- But this is where we first moved in together.

And had our first Christmas tree

and burnt those cookies so bad the fire department had to come

and where we both got the puke flu

and took care of each other.

Like, this place is ours.

- Or it's just an apartment.

- * Silly funny, everyone knows *

- I'm gonna get a job.

- Heard that before. - It hasn't been easy.

No one will hire me as a teacher.

- Isn't that kind of your fault?

- Doug.

- Maybe we should just call it.

- Call what?

- Maybe you should go to New York.

- Without you?

- What if this is the universe just...

making it easy?

- You can't just give up. - It's not giving up

when we both want different things.

* *

- What do you want?

- I don't know, be more of a grown-up?

I mean--

- The app was down, so I got you a bowl and the burrito.

Oh, hey.

Sorry, man.

I would have grabbed you something.

- It's OK.

Not hungry.

- * Everybody is crazy *

* Crazy says *

* I love you *

* Love you *

* *

[wind whistling]

- [sighs]

[exhales sharply]

- Did you run a marathon?

- [chuckles] Yeah. I gotta take a shower.

- That's why you shouldn't have gone.

- Yeah, but, like, now I'm pumped for the gala.

- [laughing] OK, your tux is on the bed.

- Oh, thank you, baby. - [chuckles]

- Hey, uh, did you pick up my cuff links?

- Yeah. They should be on the counter.

- Oh, thank you.

- If not, check the nightstand.

[tense music]

Hey, do you need to shave?

I don't know if you'll have time.

[voice fading] And your hair can be wet.

It looks fine that way.

I just want to warn you we are gonna be dancing tonight.

There are no more excuses.

You're gonna need to bring your A-game,

because we are going to win that dance floor.

It's gonna be super fun.

* *

[normally] Babe?

[wind howling]

Doug.

[tense music crescendos]

.

[upbeat music playing]

- OK, there you go.

- Oh, man, that is a great deal on cat food.

- When did you get a cat?

- With prices like that, feels like I should.

[both laugh]

- That's good.

Uh, hey.

Sorry if that was totally weird the other day.

- Oh, no. You guys got a lot going on.

- Yeah. - [chuckles]

- Thanks, man.

- She is really hurt, though.

- OK?

- It'd just be cool if you weren't so hard on her.

- Right, 'cause, uh-- 'cause she's hurt.

- Look, I don't want to get in the middle.

- Then don't. - But it sort of feels like

you're punishing her.

- It's sort of none of your business.

- Hey, hey, I'm just looking out for my friend.

- Yeah. You don't know what's going on.

- I think I do.

* *

- Right, right. Yeah, good.

She tells you everything about our marriage.

- No. No, no, no, no. That's not how it is.

- Maybe you just get off on hearing about

our sex positions and money problems

and why I'm such a bad husband.

- You mean I listen to her?

- And you suppose that I don't?

- If you did, maybe I wouldn't be standing here.

* *

- You might be her shoulder to cry on...

but I'm married to her, bro.

You have a good day.

[sniffs]

[door slams]

[soft upbeat electronic music]

[indistinct chatter]

- Take a seat.

* *

- How are you doing?

- Fine. Why wouldn't I be?

- You know, mornings.

- Oh, God. Sorry.

It's just--it's been a week.

- And it's only Monday.

- OK, ladies, let's settle in.

Gotta make this quick because Math Club's in here soon

and no one wants to mess with Ms. Dwyer.

Catherine, let's shake a tail feather.

- OK, good morning.

Um, let's talk carnival.

So I've rented three bounce houses,

two water slides, a dunk tank for the principal--

- [whispering] I can't believe she showed her face.

I heard there were other women.

- She just stands there like nothing's wrong.

- Three bounce houses, two water slides--

- We got it. - [whispering] All over town.

- Um... - [whispering] This whole time.

- Does her husband know?

- What about food vendors?

- Corn dogs. - That's it?

[indistinct whispering]

[tense music]

- [stammering] Popcorn.

- Any snacks without corn?

[indistinct whispering]

[high-pitched whistling]

- [whispering] What about her kids?

- I wonder where it happened.

- [clears throat]

I'm sorry. I'm not feeling well.

I'm sorry.

- I don't see any finance experience.

- But the job is writing brochures.

[laughs] - For a bank.

- I'm confident I can figure out the numbers part.

- We're really looking for someone

with three to five years in banking.

- Well, then I'd be a banker. [laughs]

- We're just looking for someone more qualified.

- Uh...

I really need this job.

- What makes Alice Morris the ideal nanny?

- Well, Alice Morris taught elementary school

for four years before moving on to high school,

where I won Educator of the Year twice,

and I was nominated for--

- What's your take on grapes?

- They're delicious.

- They're killers.

- Nate's a choker.

- Are you CPR-certified?

- No, but I have my...

master's in literature.

And I've been reading "Kaia Eats Detroit" forever.

- Do you guys go out a lot?

Because we need people who can find,

like, the dope new pop-ups.

- Yeah. I mean, we love food.

- What's that? You're frozen.

- Oh, I am?

Uh, hold on.

[funky music]

Can you--can you hear me now?

- Still frozen.

- How about-- uh, how about now?

- [laughing] Oh, my God.

You are making the gnarliest face.

- Can you hear me now? - You look so funny.

- Oh! Hi.

I'm back. I'm back. Hi.

- [sighs]

Yeah, we're gonna need someone with better Wi-Fi.

- [sighs]

- [singing in Japanese]

* *

- [sighs]

- Catherine!

- Uh--uh, I'll, um--

I'll be more prepared for next week's meeting, I swear.

- Why don't you take some time off?

- But I'm the special events chair.

- You've got a lot on your plate right now.

- Oh, I always do.

- Come on, Catherine.

We all know what's going on in your marriage.

- What does that have to do with the Parent Association?

- Honestly, it's distracting.

- I can handle it. - For everyone.

- Are you firing me?

- I can't do that.

- OK, good.

- Because we're just volunteers.

- Then what are you telling me, Gillian?

- Don't have to decide anything right now.

Just, when you get home, take a good look in the mirror

and ask yourself,

am I setting the right example for Morningside Prep?

[tense music]

* *

- This is Flora, the Roman goddess of flowers.

And she's with Chloris, the Greek goddess of spring.

I like to think they keep watch

over our beautiful water lilies.

- Is that Botticino marble?

- Straight from a quarry in Brescia.

- Oh, my decorator put the same stone in my kitchen.

- Are you sure we aren't married?

- If you planted those, I'm going to propose right now.

- They won us the cup last year.

- Gorge.

- Can you believe people accused us

of genetically engineering them?

- [gasps] Well, I call those people sore losers.

- It's actually just a special ingredient in our soil.

- Water?

- Love.

- Oh!

- So we meet once a week, which I know--

I know it's a lot to ask.

We all have our hands full.

- Oh, I've read all about your wonderful charity work.

- Just wish I could do more.

- Are you still chairing the committee

for the Detroit Food Foundation?

- Ha, ten years running,

along with Street Girls Fight Back,

Bark for Bones...

- Oh, I do Tails for Tots.

- What about Circle of Hope?

- Mm. Compassion in Action.

- I thought they went under for fraud.

- No, that was Children of Cabo.

- Right.

They never bought the little angels those bikes.

- Boogie boards.

- Ugh.

Well, if you're interested in getting your hands dirty

in a good way, come join us.

- I think I'd fit right in.

- So do I, Condoleezza.

- It's Condi to my queen bees.

- Oh.

[both laugh]

[Hot As Sun's "Look at Me"]

* *

- * Hi *

* Do you love my recipe? *

* *

* Why *

* Is everyone obsessed with me? *

* Obsessed with me *

[laughs]

.

- Committing a crime to prove somebody else

committed a crime is actually still a crime.

- The case was unlocked.

- Again, not how the law works.

- Fine.

But if you dust it for prints, they'll match the ones

your boys took at the garden.

- So you want me to take down a bunch of uptight women

for breaking and entering

so another bunch of uptight women

can win a gardening contest?

- Mm-hmm.

And we'll all be heroes.

- [chuckles]

It really is amazing to watch that brain of yours at work.

- Just don't call me birdbrain.

- Well, I kind of have to now.

- It was a whole thing growing up.

- Yeah, kids can be rough.

- So can your parents when they find out

you're pregnant in high school.

- If I were to do this,

what do I get?

- Justice?

- Yeah, I wish that still did it for me.

- OK, what would?

- Getting a drink with you.

- Could get messy.

- Or it could just be a drink.

- I didn't say messy can't be fun.

[upbeat music]

- Why did I even go to grad school?

- There's very little you need beyond sixth grade.

- Yeah, except golf experience to work at the putt-putt.

- Well, how else are you gonna get all those student loans

you can't pay back?

- Hmm. - [laughs]

- Hey, are we on for "Housewives"?

- [groans] - Oh, please say yes.

I can't take any more rejection.

- I can't tonight. - OK, when?

- I don't know.

- Well, any longer, I'm gonna see spoilers.

- It's just not the best idea.

- It's the reunion.

What are you talking about?

- Look, if you're trying to fix things with Doug,

maybe hanging out with me so much isn't helping.

- What do you mean?

- If I were your husband,

I probably wouldn't want you telling another dude

all about your problems.

- We're best friends.

- Maybe he has a problem with that.

- That is so stupid.

If you were a girl-- - I'm not.

- Well, he still shouldn't be threatened by you.

- Why? - Come on.

It would never happen.

- Right. Right.

- He just doesn't get that we're not

into each other like that.

- Yeah, and the best part is, we can be this close

and not want to rip each other's clothes off.

- Yeah, it'd be like sleeping with a brother.

- [laughs nervously] Totally.

- Wait, what about "Housewives"?

- Oh, I gotta stay and do inventory.

[soft music]

* *

- Oh.

* *

- Sweetie?

- Huh?

- I think they're hydrated.

- Oh. [sighs]

The whole town knows.

- It's pretty hot goss.

- Marilyn wants to take me to church.

- Her minister is no saint, trust me.

- Why are they all coming for me?

- Because it's fun to take a woman down from a pedestal.

- But you slept with Gary too.

- Honey, I'm already in the dirt.

- It just doesn't seem fair.

- Well, there's a reason it's called Grosse Pointe.

Rich bitches are gross.

- "Grosse" is actually French for "grand."

- Seriously?

- It's the pointe by the lighthouse.

- OK, fine.

But all these people think that money gives you

the right to be a judgy D-bag.

- Yeah, but I grew up here.

- So? - So they're all I know.

- Well, now you know me.

- I'm so glad you're here.

- Really?

No one else is.

All they let me do is hand out trowels

because I screw everything else up.

- Oh, honey.

Those aren't trowels.

[light music]

* *

[sighs]

* *

- It's your recipe.

- Almost.

- Oh, uh... [chuckles]

I was just waiting for it to cool.

- Where are the cherries?

[laughs] I'm kidding, I'm kidding.

It looks delicious.

- So how is the quilt coming?

- Still on track to be finished in time for the gala auction.

- Bet it'll raise a lot of money.

- Alice. - Mm-hmm?

- I can't change his mind.

- That's not why I'm here.

- Believe me, if I could,

he wouldn't have all those tattoos.

- I need money.

- Ah.

All right, well, how many months do you owe?

- Three.

But it would just be a loan.

- I wish we still had that rental available.

- We can't lose our apartment.

- Oh, honey, there are a lot of other dumps you could live in.

- I'm afraid he'll never come home.

[sighs] But that's probably what you want.

- Look, does a part of me wish that he had married

some dyed-in-the-wool Grosse Pointer

who just wanted to push out a bunch

of really cute grandbabies?

- Well, it'd make your life a lot easier.

[bright music]

- It's not what my Doug wants.

* *

What can I say?

You're his muse.

* *

I'll go see if I can dig up some cherries for your cake.

You'll thank me.

[upbeat dance music playing]

- [scoffs]

* *

- Anything?

- No.

- Well, maybe there was some kind of emergency.

- Did you ask his parents?

- I don't want to freak them out too.

- Maybe he went for another jog.

- A double jog?

- Why won't he answer me?

- Because he's jogging.

- Hey.

I found Doug.

- Oh. - Sir, you can't be back here.

- That looks delicious.

- Will someone please get this guy out of here?

- Mmm. Wow.

- What the hell are you doing?

- Making my way through some shrimp toast.

- Where have you been? - Mmm.

Getting hammered. Duh.

- I don't care where you have this argument,

but it can't be here.

- Whoa. - Yes. I'm so sorry.

Doug, come on. Let's go.

- Not until you tell me what's going on.

- I don't know what you're talking about.

- Oh, really? You don't?

Then why are you leaving me?

[tense music]

* *

.

[knock at door]

- So did you get my garden thief?

- I did.

- Oh, then I owe you that drink.

- Yeah, maybe another time.

- I know the perfect martini bar.

- I'm on duty.

- OK. We'll go to a cop joint.

- I'm afraid there's not much to celebrate.

- Why?

- It's not who you want it to be.

[Lunar Isles' "Evergreen"]

* *

- [sighs]

* *

- * Once *

* Upon a sky *

* On an island *

* I don't recognize *

* Cursed *

* Oh, the cynic in me burns *

* Shades of doubt *

* Nowhere to return *

* It's all that I want *

* It's all that I ever wonder *

- Yo!

Past your bedtimes. Get lost.

- What is your deal?

- Beat it! - OK, boomer.

Go.

Move.

- My debt is paid, OK?

I don't work for you anymore. - We need to talk.

- Make an appointment with my publicist.

- How about I call the cops for breaking and entering?

- [sighs]

The window was open.

- Ugh, you screwed me so bad!

- We were just looking for a place to hang out.

- Why? To impress those losers?

- They are not losers.

- And why the hell would you losers want

a bunch of landscaping plans?

- I don't know.

Some girl spilled White Claw all over them.

- [sighs]

Great.

- We were trying to clean it up.

- I'm gonna get kicked out of the club.

- It was stupid, OK?

- I could go to jail!

- How is that my fault?

- Because I wouldn't have done something so stupid

if you hadn't done something so stupid!

Oh, God!

[sighs]

- Can I ask you something?

- OK.

- Promise you won't get mad?

- Ugh! What?

- Why did you do your stupid thing?

- [sighs]

I don't know.

I guess I just wanted that dumb club to think

I could be more than just some rich bitch.

- Yeah.

Are you really gonna call the cops?

- No.

- Thanks.

- Your stepdad already knows.

- And we still need volunteers for morning drop-off,

especially to keep an eye out for parents on their phones.

A minivan almost mowed down a third grader last week.

Before we move on to the carnival,

our special events chair has an announcement.

- Morning, everyone.

As many of you are probably aware,

I've been going through a difficult time.

And it's been suggested that I take a step back.

So I started thinking,

who would be a better leader to represent Morningside Prep?

And the first name that obviously came to mind

was Dana.

[applause]

Dana's well-organized, has bomb style,

and is one of the school's most generous donors.

- Terrific. Let's take a vote on Dana.

- But then I remembered

she also got caught shoplifting those lip liners from Sephora.

- [gasps]

- And I thought, mm, is that the person

we really want to put in charge of the gift bags?

Well, next, I immediately thought of Katie.

[applause] Everyone loves Katie, right?

No one's more fun at the parent mixers,

and she makes those amazing snickerdoodles.

- She broke our record at the bake sale.

- She also forgot her kid at the mall

because she was so high on happy pills.

But do we really want the person

who "borrows" from our medicine cabinet

to be in charge of fundraising?

- I really don't think this is appropriate.

- Or what about you, Gillian? - Please don't.

- I think you'd make an amazing special events chair.

- Well, I certainly don't think

anyone could question my character.

- But they might question, how is it

the head of Grosse Pointe's animal shelter rescued

a purebred, best-in-show bichon frise?

- What's your point? - My point

is that we've all done things we're not proud of.

We have all made mistakes.

Isn't that the example we should be setting

for our kids, not this impossible standard

that no one can live up to?

[tense music]

* *

- Why don't we put it to a vote?

- Fine! Show of hands.

Who here has never done something

that they're going to regret for the rest of their lives?

Anyone?

Good.

Then let's talk carnival.

Tracy!

Do you still have that lead on the cotton candy machine?

[W-H-I-T-E's "I Wasn't Afraid"]

* *

- Can I get you anything?

- Oh, no, I'm meeting my parents for dinner.

- St. Clair Grille?

- Grosse Pointe tradition.

- Why do they all do that?

- It's like one of three places they like.

- I mean, why does everybody have to be the same

in this town?

- What are you saying?

- I want to be a grown-up with you.

- OK.

- But we don't have to do it the way everyone else does.

* *

- * And I tried *

* *

- They take 10%, so I jacked the prices.

- Have any sold?

- Enough to make rent. [chuckles]

* *

- But what about, um...

your writing in New York?

- I'm not going.

- That's what you've always wanted.

- I want you more.

* *

- "New York Magazine." Congratulations.

- What is this?

- It's a pretty big deal.

- None of it makes sense.

- Weird. You start next month.

- It must be a mistake.

- It's not Hogwarts, Alice.

A writing sample doesn't just magically

appear on an editor's desk.

- Will you please calm down?

- Are you OK?

- We're fine.

- I'm talking to Alice.

- He's just really drunk.

- Oh, great.

Now I'm the bad guy. That's your takeaway?

- Why don't we go outside and chill?

- You lied to my face!

- I didn't apply for this job!

- I did.

- What?

- I put you up for it.

[tense music]

.

- Why would you do that? - Because you were too afraid.

- Well, it wasn't your decision to make!

- You gave up everything for him.

- What are you, her life coach, Brett?

- She's not happy, Doug.

- What do we do? - Oh, right.

- Ride out the hurricane.

- 'Cause you know my wife better than I do, Brett.

- That's not what it's about, Doug.

- Oh, my God, we all know each other's names.

- Tell me I'm wrong, then. - Couldn't be more wrong.

- No, no, no, no. I want to hear it from you.

- I don't know.

- You don't know if you want the job or if you're happy?

- Guys, come on.

- Answer the question, Alice.

- None of us have had enough drinks

for it to be this intense.

- Are you happy with me? - Don't listen to him.

- Let's go settle this on the dance floor.

- A simple yes or no.

- Just please stop.

- What is wrong with you, man?

- Tell this guy to get the hell out of my face.

- Both of you, stop!

- Then just end it already!

- End what?

- Who knows you better, Alice,

your husband or this joke?

- Yeah, I'm the joke. Have another drink, dude.

- Come on.

Him or me?

[dramatic music]

* *

- Go ahead.

- Can I open the wine I brought first?

- It's 10:00 a.m.

- [scoffs] I gotta work.

- On a Wednesday?

- Yeah.

All the days between Monday and Friday.

- More for us.

- So why are you trying to get us all drunk?

- Tell 'em.

- OK.

So you know how, when I first joined y'all,

I was really trying to be a team player?

And I was like, "Let's plant lots of mint,

'cause it's so great in cocktails."

And you guys were like, "Totally.

"Yeah, everybody loves mint, except that it takes over,

and it ruins the whole garden."

- Did you plant mint, Birdie?

- It's worse.

- OK.

- Oh. - You know what?

I'm actually gonna need that drink.

- What did you do?

- I know I can't help you guys win the cup by gardening,

so I tried to help by proving Bloomfield Hills cheated.

- Now we're gonna be disqualified.

- No, I did it. It's on me.

- That's not how a club works.

- It's on all of us.

- I'm really sorry.

I'm just a disaster. Like, FEMA level.

- [sighs] - Ugh.

We're totally screwed.

- Mm.

- Maybe not.

- How?

[devious music]

* *

- Maybe...

no one needs to find out.

* *

[glass shattering]

- [gasps]

[light music]

- Well, it's on all of us now.

- [chuckles]

First rule of garden club.

* *

[laughter]

.

- So what are you going to do?

- I'm going to ground him for a month.

- A month?

- Is that too much or too little?

- I don't know.

You're kind of the dad.

- You're kind of the mom.

[upbeat music playing]

- Kind of messy.

- Yeah.

Not the fun kind.

- We can still be friends.

- Yeah, I'd like that.

- So let's start there.

- Friends.

[glasses clink]

* *

- Hey--

- Got you the burrito and the bowl...

- Oh. - 'Cause you deserve both.

- I'm, uh--I'm sort of busy.

- I feel like I was a total idiot the other day.

- No, it's fine. - No, it's not.

You are a catch. You're a stud.

You're a hot snack. - Stop.

- And any girl would be lucky to bone ya.

- You don't have to say that. - But it's true.

- Hey, can I smoke weed in here?

- Oh, hi.

[clears throat]

You're gonna need to refuel.

- All right. Uh, thanks.

[soft music]

* *

- Oh, and I love this one.

- But their heads are too big.

- That's exactly why they're so special.

- I don't get it. - Well, you will this weekend.

- Huh?

- We're gonna go to the museum

and see some paintings by a guy named Picasso.

[doorbell chimes] - Is that the pizza?

- Yeah. Take the cash for the tip.

- Hi. Is your mom here?

[door clicks] - It's not the pizza.

- Who is it?

- It's Uncle Gary's wife.

- Honey, go get your brother for dinner.

- Hey, loser, food!

[M83's "Solitude"]

- * Somewhere *

- I owe you an explanation.

- Is Gary here?

- God, no. It's over. I ended it.

- I'm worried something bad happened.

- * I wanna see if you can try *

- I haven't heard from him in days

- * To bring it back to me *

* *

* You gotta go *

- People think by planting a garden,

they can control nature.

* *

- * And take in all the tears *

* I wanna see if you can try *

- They mow lawns into golf courses...

- Just need to ask you a question.

- I'm with a customer.

- About the other night at that fancy garden party.

- Trim hedges into a maze...

* *

- Any chance you know someone by the name of

Doug Morris?

* *

- He's my friend's husband.

- But not your friend?

- Is everything OK?

- But at a certain point, nature fights back.

- [grunts] - What is with you?

[indistinct shouting]

[screaming] [glass shattering]

- Oh, my God!

- That beautiful oleander that pops up by your pool?

- We got a report some property was damaged.

Do you know anything about that?

- Ah, listen, Officer, we both had a lot to drink,

and things got wild.

- A single flower can kill a horse.

* *

- * No *

* *

* No *

* *

* No *

* *

* No *

- Have you spoken to Doug since?

- Am I in some sort of trouble?

- Depends.

- On what?

- What he says when we find him.

- So the dirty little secret?

- If anything comes to mind, let me know.

- We don't control nature.

- * No *

* *

- It controls us.