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1
00:00:01,543 --> 00:00:04,129
What kind of
parents drag their kids away
2
00:00:04,254 --> 00:00:05,756
for the entire week
of spring break?
3
00:00:05,881 --> 00:00:07,633
I'm missing Mike triscuit's
drug party.
4
00:00:07,758 --> 00:00:09,301
Look at this.
He's already watching
5
00:00:09,426 --> 00:00:10,427
"euphona" to pregame.
6
00:00:10,552 --> 00:00:12,971
Pregame. Game. Video game.
7
00:00:13,096 --> 00:00:16,058
Yes, yes, drugs and video games.
Poor babies.
8
00:00:16,183 --> 00:00:19,895
What you need is to level up
with a bong rip of nature.
9
00:00:20,020 --> 00:00:21,563
Trust me, this is good for you.
10
00:00:21,688 --> 00:00:23,688
Can someone just kill me?
11
00:00:23,774 --> 00:00:25,174
Grandpa Rick,
you can kill anything.
12
00:00:25,234 --> 00:00:27,694
No, he can't, summer.
We're roughing it.
13
00:00:27,819 --> 00:00:29,321
And that means
no soi-fi bullshit.
14
00:00:29,446 --> 00:00:30,822
- Isn't that right, Rick?
- Uh-huh.
15
00:00:33,492 --> 00:00:37,162
Rick, was that
a Sci-Fi phone call?
16
00:00:37,287 --> 00:00:38,664
Shut up, Jerry.
17
00:00:38,789 --> 00:00:40,791
Damn it, I didn't think
she had this number.
18
00:00:40,916 --> 00:00:43,252
Why are you building a Faraday
box to block out the signal?
19
00:00:43,377 --> 00:00:44,896
Oh, my god, grandpa's
ghosting someone.
20
00:00:44,920 --> 00:00:46,713
I'm not ghosting.
Hey! Give it back, summer!
21
00:00:46,838 --> 00:00:48,257
"Rick. Please answer me.
22
00:00:48,382 --> 00:00:49,591
I'm pregnant"?!
23
00:00:49,716 --> 00:00:52,553
Oh, my god, grandpa,
you fuck boi.
24
00:00:52,678 --> 00:00:54,054
I'm not a fuck boi summer!
25
00:00:54,179 --> 00:00:55,889
There's no way those kids
are mine.
26
00:00:56,014 --> 00:00:58,334
Wow. At least we know why Rick
actually came on the trip...
27
00:00:58,433 --> 00:00:59,768
To avoid his fuck-guy problems.
28
00:00:59,893 --> 00:01:01,663
- Why would this person lie?
- I don't know, honey.
29
00:01:01,687 --> 00:01:03,188
She's addicted
to what the Rick did.
30
00:01:03,313 --> 00:01:04,791
You know, it's... it's...
It's a tale as old
31
00:01:04,815 --> 00:01:06,149
as my huge dynamite penis.
32
00:01:06,275 --> 00:01:07,484
Can we turn the radio on?
33
00:01:07,609 --> 00:01:09,003
I am not letting
you abandon those kids
34
00:01:09,027 --> 00:01:10,737
- like you abandoned me.
- Oh, my god!
35
00:01:10,862 --> 00:01:12,948
We're going to see
this baby mama right now!
36
00:01:13,073 --> 00:01:14,283
What, like, literally now?
37
00:01:14,408 --> 00:01:15,909
Yes, now! That's an order.
38
00:01:18,412 --> 00:01:19,538
Aah!
39
00:01:21,665 --> 00:01:23,917
This is exactly
what I was talking about!
40
00:01:24,042 --> 00:01:25,682
Rick, I hope you realize
the tubing permit
41
00:01:25,794 --> 00:01:27,462
was non-refundable!
42
00:01:27,588 --> 00:01:29,274
Relax, Jerry, we'll be
in and out in a minute,
43
00:01:29,298 --> 00:01:31,383
and then you can get right back
to your dumb vacation
44
00:01:31,508 --> 00:01:33,176
with a family
that doesn't need you.
45
00:01:34,386 --> 00:01:36,263
Kind of expected
someone to defend me,
46
00:01:36,388 --> 00:01:37,889
but, sure, okay.
47
00:01:39,975 --> 00:01:41,518
Hello, gaia. Hold on.
48
00:01:41,643 --> 00:01:44,229
Let me just adjust my
seismic-to-English translator.
49
00:01:44,354 --> 00:01:45,981
Gaia: Rick. You came.
50
00:01:46,106 --> 00:01:48,400
- Morty: W-where is she?
- Rick: You're looking at her.
51
00:01:48,525 --> 00:01:49,943
I-I-I-I don't understand.
52
00:01:50,068 --> 00:01:51,320
Isn't it obvious, morty?
53
00:01:51,445 --> 00:01:52,946
I fucked a planet.
54
00:02:24,936 --> 00:02:27,397
So, what, you just go around
knocking up planets now?
55
00:02:27,522 --> 00:02:29,202
I-I-Is that what you do
when I'm at school?
56
00:02:29,316 --> 00:02:31,068
I'm a scientist, morty.
I try things.
57
00:02:31,193 --> 00:02:33,487
Sex with a living planet?
Big step for mankind.
58
00:02:33,612 --> 00:02:36,073
Yeah, we finally broke
the deadbeat dad barrier.
59
00:02:36,198 --> 00:02:38,158
- Ah, where the magic happened.
- Gross.
60
00:02:38,283 --> 00:02:41,411
Rick: Hey, uh, gaia, baby,
big daddy Rick is here.
61
00:02:41,536 --> 00:02:43,014
- Rick: What's the problem?
- Gaia: Children.
62
00:02:43,038 --> 00:02:44,289
Birth cycle. Now.
63
00:02:44,414 --> 00:02:47,834
Okay, gettin' right into it.
64
00:02:47,959 --> 00:02:49,878
- I am! I am!
- Jesus Christ!
65
00:02:50,003 --> 00:02:52,673
- I am!
- I am!
66
00:02:52,798 --> 00:02:54,508
Dad, do something! Make it stop!
67
00:02:54,633 --> 00:02:55,953
You think I know
how to stop this?
68
00:02:56,009 --> 00:02:57,886
I thought she was gonna
shit an egg.
69
00:02:59,513 --> 00:03:00,764
Cool vacation, guys.
70
00:03:00,889 --> 00:03:02,283
So happy I got to see
the human geyser
71
00:03:02,307 --> 00:03:03,867
instead of micro-dosing
with my friends.
72
00:03:03,892 --> 00:03:06,311
More coming. Kids. Need father.
73
00:03:06,436 --> 00:03:08,647
Yeah, um, baby quakes,
how big is your orbit again?
74
00:03:08,772 --> 00:03:10,607
I mean, not to say
you get around, but, um...
75
00:03:10,732 --> 00:03:12,012
Are you kidding me?
Look at them!
76
00:03:12,067 --> 00:03:13,276
They look just like you.
77
00:03:13,402 --> 00:03:14,962
Yeah, and snakes
look like dildos, Beth.
78
00:03:15,028 --> 00:03:16,228
- What's your point?
- They do?
79
00:03:16,279 --> 00:03:17,739
The fact is even if they
were mine,
80
00:03:17,864 --> 00:03:20,283
which they're not,
the best parent is evolution.
81
00:03:20,409 --> 00:03:23,203
They'll probably develop harder
skin or maybe even webbed arms.
82
00:03:23,328 --> 00:03:25,330
Man, that'd be cool, huh?
Flying squirrel people?
83
00:03:25,455 --> 00:03:27,624
Yeah, dad, that approach
worked out great for me.
84
00:03:27,749 --> 00:03:29,185
Beth, I know it looks bad,
but trust me.
85
00:03:29,209 --> 00:03:30,502
This is life
in the galaxy, okay?
86
00:03:30,627 --> 00:03:31,712
It's totally normal.
87
00:03:32,963 --> 00:03:35,507
Fine.
You won't do something, I will.
88
00:03:35,632 --> 00:03:37,300
Welp, there goes the surprise!
89
00:03:37,426 --> 00:03:39,066
I was gonna have us jump
on the trampoline
90
00:03:39,177 --> 00:03:40,446
- after we caught our first fish.
- I am!
91
00:03:40,470 --> 00:03:42,472
- What? You're stupid.
- I am!
92
00:03:42,597 --> 00:03:44,283
- I am! I am!
- Beth, that's not gonna help.
93
00:03:44,307 --> 00:03:45,726
Uh, I hate to agree with Rick,
94
00:03:45,851 --> 00:03:47,161
but shouldn't
we just let this be?
95
00:03:47,185 --> 00:03:48,454
We're supposed to be
on vacation.
96
00:03:48,478 --> 00:03:49,604
You're unemployed, Jerry!
97
00:03:49,730 --> 00:03:51,231
Every day is a vacation for you.
98
00:03:51,356 --> 00:03:53,042
- Okay, ouch.
- You guys do whatever you want.
99
00:03:53,066 --> 00:03:54,443
I'm staying here
and fixing this.
100
00:03:54,568 --> 00:03:56,153
- I am!
- I am!
101
00:03:56,278 --> 00:03:57,588
Goddamn it, Beth,
if you're gonna do it,
102
00:03:57,612 --> 00:03:59,114
at least do it right.
103
00:03:59,239 --> 00:04:01,239
Gaia, baby, gonna need
a little raw iron and steam.
104
00:04:01,283 --> 00:04:03,660
Whatever you need, baby.
105
00:04:11,126 --> 00:04:12,669
- So much for camping.
- Nope.
106
00:04:12,794 --> 00:04:14,171
We are going camping.
107
00:04:14,296 --> 00:04:16,423
There's trees over there.
We're on solid ground.
108
00:04:16,548 --> 00:04:17,817
- Summer and morty: Mom!
- Summer, morty,
109
00:04:17,841 --> 00:04:19,050
go camp with your father.
110
00:04:19,176 --> 00:04:20,736
- Ohh, son of a bitch.
- Son of a bitch.
111
00:04:20,802 --> 00:04:22,053
- I am!
- I am!
112
00:04:22,179 --> 00:04:24,514
Welp, welcome to lack
of abandonment.
113
00:04:26,391 --> 00:04:27,684
Dad, can we please go back
114
00:04:27,809 --> 00:04:29,328
and hang out
with grandpa's Clay people?
115
00:04:29,352 --> 00:04:31,980
Why? Because they might
have a sega dreamcast?
116
00:04:32,105 --> 00:04:34,274
Why is it so hard for you two
to let nature in?
117
00:04:34,399 --> 00:04:36,359
Because this sucks ass.
Camping is just
118
00:04:36,485 --> 00:04:37,986
being homeless
without the change.
119
00:04:38,111 --> 00:04:40,197
Well, that attitude is
exactly why we're out here.
120
00:04:40,322 --> 00:04:42,282
You guys wouldn't last
two seconds on your own.
121
00:04:42,407 --> 00:04:44,034
You're only happy when
you're penned in
122
00:04:44,159 --> 00:04:47,120
and drugged up like
some kind of chicken or lemur.
123
00:04:47,245 --> 00:04:49,206
Hey! I told you kids no phones!
124
00:04:49,331 --> 00:04:50,665
There's not even any service.
125
00:04:50,791 --> 00:04:52,393
Just... just let us
be happy for a minute.
126
00:04:52,417 --> 00:04:54,419
You know, maybe if you
two stopped whining
127
00:04:54,544 --> 00:04:56,213
and let your old man
take the reins,
128
00:04:56,338 --> 00:04:59,299
you might actually
learn something.
129
00:04:59,424 --> 00:05:01,551
Here.
Take a bite of this tasty treat.
130
00:05:01,676 --> 00:05:04,012
Oh, you think this s'more
makes you special?
131
00:05:04,137 --> 00:05:05,889
What? Because someone said,
"goodjobfi
132
00:05:06,014 --> 00:05:07,349
to you once when you were 10?
133
00:05:07,474 --> 00:05:09,893
That's actually really sad, dad.
Let's be real.
134
00:05:10,018 --> 00:05:11,478
You've been high-roading us
non-stop,
135
00:05:11,603 --> 00:05:13,164
forcing us to do nothing
in the middle of fucking nowhere
136
00:05:13,188 --> 00:05:14,564
because it's the only way
137
00:05:14,689 --> 00:05:15,958
you're gonna level
the playing field, isn't it?
138
00:05:15,982 --> 00:05:17,984
Because if you move the bar
so low,
139
00:05:18,109 --> 00:05:20,654
you might actually seem like
you're worth a fuck.
140
00:05:20,779 --> 00:05:22,572
Huh.
141
00:05:22,697 --> 00:05:24,866
I'm gonna go take a walk.
142
00:05:29,037 --> 00:05:30,664
Jesus Christ.
You really need to stop
143
00:05:30,789 --> 00:05:32,082
hanging out with Rick.
144
00:05:36,795 --> 00:05:38,675
Okay, so, if we divert
the lawyer pipeline here,
145
00:05:38,797 --> 00:05:40,131
they should avoid
the ethics tube
146
00:05:40,257 --> 00:05:41,818
and come out spineless enough
to do their job.
147
00:05:41,842 --> 00:05:43,510
Right.
Wait, why are the athletes
148
00:05:43,635 --> 00:05:45,053
going through
the introvert sector?
149
00:05:45,178 --> 00:05:46,948
Obviously so they can bully
the mathematicians
150
00:05:46,972 --> 00:05:49,516
- and give us astronomers.
- God, you are such a space nerd.
151
00:05:49,641 --> 00:05:51,685
I'm not a nerd. We're raising
a society here, Beth.
152
00:05:51,810 --> 00:05:53,246
If we want them to be
self-sufficient,
153
00:05:53,270 --> 00:05:54,550
they need to get out into space.
154
00:05:54,646 --> 00:05:56,815
Gaia: Birth cycle. Coming.
155
00:05:56,940 --> 00:05:59,150
We got you, gai-gai! Shoot 'em
hard and up the middle!
156
00:06:13,999 --> 00:06:15,625
We got an oversupply of teachers
157
00:06:15,750 --> 00:06:17,228
putting a strain
on the literary drive.
158
00:06:17,252 --> 00:06:18,670
Activating playwright convened
159
00:06:18,795 --> 00:06:20,505
Aah!
160
00:06:20,630 --> 00:06:22,215
Nice work, honey.
Okay, the therapists
161
00:06:22,340 --> 00:06:23,820
are getting bored.
We need to increase
162
00:06:23,884 --> 00:06:25,884
- their supply of incest porn.
- 20% wasn't enough?
163
00:06:25,969 --> 00:06:27,321
What the hell is that?
164
00:06:27,345 --> 00:06:28,805
The unproductives. Goddamn it!
165
00:06:28,930 --> 00:06:30,825
- How are there so many of them?
- Unproductives?
166
00:06:30,849 --> 00:06:32,809
Yeah, deejays, foodies,
influencers.
167
00:06:32,934 --> 00:06:34,936
I just re-circulate them
through until...
168
00:06:36,104 --> 00:06:37,957
Shit, they blew a hole in
the human resources department!
169
00:06:37,981 --> 00:06:39,041
- You're fired!
- Downsizing already?
170
00:06:39,065 --> 00:06:40,265
I'm putting this in your file!
171
00:06:42,652 --> 00:06:43,820
We gotta fix this, dad.
172
00:06:43,945 --> 00:06:45,488
We can't keep
recycling them through.
173
00:06:45,614 --> 00:06:47,258
I could add an online
college workaround.
174
00:06:47,282 --> 00:06:49,202
Or just push them out
through a pipe in the back.
175
00:06:49,284 --> 00:06:50,827
- Same thing.
- Same thing.
176
00:06:50,952 --> 00:06:53,204
These kids may not be mine,
but you definitely are.
177
00:06:53,330 --> 00:06:55,498
Look at you.
My little steampunk overlord.
178
00:06:55,624 --> 00:06:56,666
Eeee!
179
00:06:56,791 --> 00:06:59,085
I don't think he's coming back.
180
00:06:59,210 --> 00:07:00,813
You know, you... you really
messed him up, summer.
181
00:07:00,837 --> 00:07:02,213
Yeah, well,
he called me a lemur.
182
00:07:02,339 --> 00:07:03,548
Let's just go find grandpa.
183
00:07:03,673 --> 00:07:05,273
Maybe he can portal us home
or something.
184
00:07:05,300 --> 00:07:07,010
- Should we leave a note?
- Dad is fine.
185
00:07:07,135 --> 00:07:08,470
He's probably sucking off a tree
186
00:07:08,595 --> 00:07:10,555
and having the time
of his life right now.
187
00:07:12,557 --> 00:07:15,226
Guess you don't want to learn
how to skip rocks, either.
188
00:07:15,352 --> 00:07:16,645
Aah!
189
00:07:16,770 --> 00:07:19,814
Aaah!
190
00:07:19,940 --> 00:07:21,107
Whoa! Whoa!
191
00:07:21,232 --> 00:07:24,152
Aah! Aaaaaah!
192
00:07:24,277 --> 00:07:25,570
Ohh!
193
00:07:25,695 --> 00:07:27,489
Aaaaaah!
194
00:07:27,614 --> 00:07:28,907
Gah!
195
00:07:29,032 --> 00:07:30,408
Ohhhh!
196
00:07:30,533 --> 00:07:32,285
Aaah!
197
00:07:32,410 --> 00:07:36,122
Aah!
198
00:07:36,247 --> 00:07:38,959
Aah!
199
00:07:44,089 --> 00:07:47,634
Aaah!
200
00:07:47,759 --> 00:07:48,969
Ow! Hey!
201
00:07:49,094 --> 00:07:50,845
Aah!
202
00:07:50,971 --> 00:07:53,223
Aaaaah!
203
00:07:53,348 --> 00:07:57,769
Aaaaaaaah!
204
00:07:57,894 --> 00:07:59,396
Ohh!
205
00:08:04,567 --> 00:08:05,735
Who are you guys?
206
00:08:05,860 --> 00:08:09,114
We are... unproductives.
207
00:08:09,239 --> 00:08:11,032
Ahh, I get it.
208
00:08:11,157 --> 00:08:12,951
Bunch of bullshit.
209
00:08:16,705 --> 00:08:18,373
What is that?
210
00:08:18,498 --> 00:08:21,418
This? This is camping.
211
00:08:21,543 --> 00:08:23,294
Camping? Ooh!
212
00:08:23,420 --> 00:08:24,796
Camping!
213
00:08:27,132 --> 00:08:29,676
J“ well, there's a new thing
going 'round j“
214
00:08:29,801 --> 00:08:32,595
j“ people sleepin'
on the ground j“
215
00:08:32,721 --> 00:08:37,183
j“ and if it's fun to do,
then we're not doing it j“
216
00:08:37,308 --> 00:08:40,311
j“ and that's called camping j“
217
00:08:40,437 --> 00:08:42,814
j“ let's go camping j“
218
00:08:42,939 --> 00:08:45,608
j“ do you want to go camping? J“
219
00:08:45,734 --> 00:08:48,069
j“ can't wait to go camping j“
220
00:08:48,194 --> 00:08:50,655
j“ even if you hate camping j“
221
00:08:50,780 --> 00:08:54,451
j“ you still got to camping j“
222
00:08:54,576 --> 00:08:56,786
j“ ee-mi-mo-man j“
223
00:08:56,911 --> 00:08:58,079
good work there, ticktock.
224
00:08:58,204 --> 00:08:59,956
Keep whittling. Incredible.
225
00:09:00,081 --> 00:09:02,292
You've almost got smoke
over there, florrock.
226
00:09:02,417 --> 00:09:03,793
There you go, guys!
227
00:09:03,918 --> 00:09:04,961
Pump those cheeks.
228
00:09:05,086 --> 00:09:06,671
That's the camping spirit.
229
00:09:06,796 --> 00:09:08,214
What the... squeeb!
230
00:09:08,339 --> 00:09:09,674
This is not a tent.
231
00:09:09,799 --> 00:09:11,593
It is a new kind of tent,
232
00:09:11,718 --> 00:09:14,971
with special gutters
to funnel the rain, and a door.
233
00:09:15,096 --> 00:09:17,307
It's a house! No houses!
234
00:09:17,432 --> 00:09:19,976
No doors! Once you have doors,
you have indoors.
235
00:09:20,101 --> 00:09:23,480
Once you have indoors,
you won't want to camp anymore.
236
00:09:23,605 --> 00:09:26,691
Then why do they not camp?
237
00:09:26,816 --> 00:09:28,359
Because they're bad.
238
00:09:28,485 --> 00:09:30,487
Bad.bad.bad.
239
00:09:32,655 --> 00:09:34,657
Oh, my god. Maybe dad was right.
240
00:09:34,783 --> 00:09:36,284
Maybe we have no life skills.
241
00:09:36,409 --> 00:09:38,429
I've definitely drank more pee
than I care to remember.
242
00:09:38,453 --> 00:09:39,996
I'm just gonna sit down.
243
00:09:40,121 --> 00:09:42,624
If I die, don't eat my ass.
That'd be weird.
244
00:09:42,749 --> 00:09:44,501
Uh, summer?
245
00:09:48,713 --> 00:09:50,215
Damn, you think
they got infected
246
00:09:50,340 --> 00:09:51,716
by a mind slug or something?
247
00:09:51,841 --> 00:09:53,319
Probably drove through a nebula
that made them
248
00:09:53,343 --> 00:09:54,969
see their own fears.
249
00:09:58,515 --> 00:10:00,767
Whoa! These controls.
250
00:10:00,892 --> 00:10:02,977
It's just like my video game
controllers.
251
00:10:03,103 --> 00:10:05,688
I just wish I could read
these symbols.
252
00:10:08,650 --> 00:10:11,528
This looks just like
tricia's bong.
253
00:10:11,653 --> 00:10:13,446
Morty, I think these tubes
might contain
254
00:10:13,571 --> 00:10:15,490
all of their
collective knowledge.
255
00:10:20,662 --> 00:10:23,039
- _|\/|m!
- Well?
256
00:10:23,164 --> 00:10:24,833
I think we got this, bro.
257
00:10:26,376 --> 00:10:27,669
Beth, you wanna do the honors?
258
00:10:27,794 --> 00:10:28,962
What? Really? Wow.
259
00:10:29,087 --> 00:10:32,173
Okay. Here we go.
260
00:10:32,298 --> 00:10:34,425
If you told me six days ago
I'd be christening
261
00:10:34,551 --> 00:10:36,761
a generation ship for
my half-rock children,
262
00:10:36,886 --> 00:10:38,346
I would've called you crazy.
263
00:10:38,471 --> 00:10:40,511
But I guess that's the lesson...
Crazy things happen
264
00:10:40,557 --> 00:10:43,184
when you put in the work. Salud!
265
00:10:43,309 --> 00:10:45,478
Fucking doopnar! Sing something!
266
00:10:45,603 --> 00:10:47,939
Great toast, dad.
267
00:10:48,064 --> 00:10:50,441
- Thanks, sweetie.
- Damn, listen to those pipes.
268
00:10:50,567 --> 00:10:52,110
You sure these kids are yours?
269
00:10:52,235 --> 00:10:53,835
What, you've never heard me
sing karaoke?
270
00:10:53,945 --> 00:10:55,840
I'm... I'm pretty good when
someone's in my register,
271
00:10:55,864 --> 00:10:57,490
like the guy that sings
"circle of life."
272
00:10:57,615 --> 00:10:59,409
Can't remember his name.
Dresses up weird.
273
00:10:59,534 --> 00:11:02,370
Look at this. Everyone's happy.
274
00:11:02,495 --> 00:11:04,122
They're about to go into space.
275
00:11:04,247 --> 00:11:06,249
I know things haven't always
been great with us,
276
00:11:06,374 --> 00:11:08,585
but we do make
a pretty good team.
277
00:11:08,710 --> 00:11:10,795
Gaia: Uh, Rick? Can we talk?
278
00:11:10,920 --> 00:11:12,648
Kinda in the middle of
a breakthrough with my daughter.
279
00:11:12,672 --> 00:11:14,799
Go ahead, dad.
Gaia deserves some time, too.
280
00:11:14,924 --> 00:11:18,553
- They're your kids.
- Gaia: Yes, about that.
281
00:11:18,678 --> 00:11:22,098
Pam! It's good to see you, baby!
282
00:11:22,223 --> 00:11:24,225
Um, gaia? You know this guy?
283
00:11:24,350 --> 00:11:26,269
Ha! You call her gaia?
284
00:11:26,394 --> 00:11:28,104
- So lame.
- Is that...
285
00:11:28,229 --> 00:11:30,190
- God?
- Gaia: Rick. The kids.
286
00:11:30,315 --> 00:11:32,817
I messed up.
You're not their father.
287
00:11:32,942 --> 00:11:34,777
Little ones! Daddy's here!
288
00:11:34,903 --> 00:11:36,779
I'm sending some fog down.
289
00:11:36,905 --> 00:11:38,364
Feel my presence
through the fog!
290
00:11:38,489 --> 00:11:39,489
Ooh!
291
00:11:39,532 --> 00:11:41,451
Beth! What the fuck?
Don't touch it!
292
00:11:42,368 --> 00:11:44,746
You gotta be kidding me.
God is the father?
293
00:11:44,871 --> 00:11:46,581
No hard feelings, okay?
294
00:11:46,706 --> 00:11:48,249
We thought they were yours,
you know,
295
00:11:48,374 --> 00:11:50,210
because they're so small.
296
00:11:50,335 --> 00:11:52,462
Oh, wow. No hard feelings.
Y-You hear that, Beth?
297
00:11:52,587 --> 00:11:54,923
Guy swoops in after we raised
his whole civilization
298
00:11:55,048 --> 00:11:57,842
and tells us he forgives us.
What a fucking mooch!
299
00:11:57,967 --> 00:11:59,677
Don't push me, asshole!
300
00:11:59,802 --> 00:12:01,971
Gaia: Rick,
I think you should go.
301
00:12:02,096 --> 00:12:04,349
Seriously? You really want
this pile of dry ice
302
00:12:04,474 --> 00:12:05,600
to raise your kids?
303
00:12:05,725 --> 00:12:07,769
Stop acting like
you did a good job.
304
00:12:07,894 --> 00:12:10,897
You made my kids soft
and empty inside.
305
00:12:11,022 --> 00:12:13,066
This city is a monument
to nothing!
306
00:12:13,191 --> 00:12:14,484
Where is their faith?
307
00:12:14,609 --> 00:12:16,069
Gaia: Reggie is right.
308
00:12:16,194 --> 00:12:18,029
The children are not ready
to leave.
309
00:12:18,154 --> 00:12:19,364
He can give them more.
310
00:12:19,489 --> 00:12:21,324
I mean, maybe we should
just bail, dad.
311
00:12:21,449 --> 00:12:23,743
At least this guy is immortal
and can stick around.
312
00:12:23,868 --> 00:12:25,745
Bullshit. They're my kids!
We're staying!
313
00:12:27,538 --> 00:12:30,041
See? Now, this is the kind
of shit I'm talking about.
314
00:12:30,166 --> 00:12:32,877
Beth: Jerry! Oh, my god!
315
00:12:33,002 --> 00:12:34,602
Is that you?
What the hell are you doing?
316
00:12:34,712 --> 00:12:35,712
Camping.
317
00:12:35,797 --> 00:12:37,566
Rick: Oh, look, Jerry finally
found his people.
318
00:12:37,590 --> 00:12:39,342
All it took was
a deep enough drip pan.
319
00:12:39,467 --> 00:12:41,970
You labeled these creatures
"unproductive,"
320
00:12:42,095 --> 00:12:44,264
but I have given them
more purpose than ever.
321
00:12:44,389 --> 00:12:46,307
Oh, yeah? They filing your
unemployment forms?
322
00:12:46,432 --> 00:12:48,601
His tongue is sharp,
but it cannot whittle.
323
00:12:48,726 --> 00:12:50,645
The great roughing of
it is at hand.
324
00:12:50,770 --> 00:12:54,190
You will now join the one family
on its eternal getaway.
325
00:12:54,315 --> 00:12:57,735
Or join the embers over which
we hold marshmallows
326
00:12:57,860 --> 00:12:59,404
at just the right distance.
327
00:12:59,529 --> 00:13:02,740
Six inches!
Until it gets golden brown!
328
00:13:02,865 --> 00:13:04,575
Don't let it start on fire!
329
00:13:04,701 --> 00:13:06,953
The carbon is bad for you!
330
00:13:08,663 --> 00:13:09,956
What's happening?
331
00:13:10,081 --> 00:13:12,417
God: My children,
I give you my power.
332
00:13:12,542 --> 00:13:14,544
Use it to take what is yours.
333
00:13:14,669 --> 00:13:17,088
Oh, this motherfucker.
Raise the walls!
334
00:13:20,300 --> 00:13:23,136
Walls can't stop us, Rick.
We are chosen.
335
00:13:23,261 --> 00:13:25,179
Sha-boom-boom!
336
00:13:25,305 --> 00:13:26,681
Sorry! Sorry!
337
00:13:26,806 --> 00:13:28,367
Just trying to get
the hang of this thing.
338
00:13:28,391 --> 00:13:30,518
Nice choice of chosen people,
g-diddles.
339
00:13:30,643 --> 00:13:32,579
I guess you'll be playing
the "mysterious ways" card
340
00:13:32,603 --> 00:13:34,230
- on that one.
- You wanna go, bro?
341
00:13:34,355 --> 00:13:37,025
- I'll kick your ass myself.
- Oh, dude, don't tempt me.
342
00:13:37,150 --> 00:13:38,830
When I'm done with you,
you'll need a staff
343
00:13:38,901 --> 00:13:40,361
to UN-part your fucking face.
344
00:13:40,486 --> 00:13:43,197
Gaia: Guys. Please.
Not in front of the kids.
345
00:13:44,991 --> 00:13:46,701
Did you for real
just try to smite me?
346
00:13:46,826 --> 00:13:49,746
Siri, triangulate source
of power.
347
00:13:49,871 --> 00:13:51,414
Got you now, you son of a bitch.
348
00:13:51,539 --> 00:13:52,819
Sweetie, you handle the hippies.
349
00:13:52,915 --> 00:13:54,195
I'll handle
the off-brand yahweh.
350
00:13:54,292 --> 00:13:57,170
- Kick his ass, dad!
- Bear witness.
351
00:14:02,675 --> 00:14:05,345
Now you see my true form.
352
00:14:05,470 --> 00:14:09,182
The clouds were simply a shape
more appealing to gaia's mind.
353
00:14:09,307 --> 00:14:11,351
No shit. Any form is more
appealing than this.
354
00:14:11,476 --> 00:14:13,269
You look like
kid rock fucked Zeus.
355
00:14:13,394 --> 00:14:15,414
Oh, seriously, you expect me
to fight you like this?
356
00:14:15,438 --> 00:14:17,523
You're the size of
four empire state buildings.
357
00:14:17,648 --> 00:14:19,901
Alright, motherfucker.
358
00:14:20,026 --> 00:14:22,695
Let's go.
359
00:14:36,959 --> 00:14:40,004
Aaah! Aah!
360
00:14:41,381 --> 00:14:42,715
Ha-ha! You like that?
361
00:14:42,840 --> 00:14:45,134
- Ohh!
- Here comes some pain!
362
00:14:45,259 --> 00:14:47,887
Ohh!
363
00:15:07,323 --> 00:15:11,369
And...
That last one should be...
364
00:15:11,494 --> 00:15:13,079
The start button.
365
00:15:13,204 --> 00:15:14,580
Perfect. I guess we're ready.
366
00:15:14,705 --> 00:15:16,666
Let's show mom and dad
what video games
367
00:15:16,791 --> 00:15:18,793
and partying are all about.
368
00:15:26,592 --> 00:15:28,886
Jesus Christ,
was that the wings?
369
00:15:30,513 --> 00:15:32,223
This is not like a video game!
370
00:15:32,348 --> 00:15:34,225
Oh, my god, make it stop!
Make it stop!
371
00:15:34,350 --> 00:15:37,603
- How do I make it stop?!
- I don't know. I'm fucking high!
372
00:15:37,728 --> 00:15:39,689
Aah!
373
00:15:41,274 --> 00:15:43,359
Oh, god, now I'm high, too!
374
00:15:47,822 --> 00:15:49,699
- Jerry, that's enough.
- Oh, hey, babe.
375
00:15:49,824 --> 00:15:52,577
You like these plagues
I'm unleashing on your asses?
376
00:15:52,702 --> 00:15:54,537
No, they're lame.
It's not a great sign
377
00:15:54,662 --> 00:15:56,831
that your army's
on the same side as disease.
378
00:15:56,956 --> 00:16:00,168
Sorry we aren't modern enough
to sort people by value
379
00:16:00,293 --> 00:16:02,962
and shit the losers
through a mean butt tube!
380
00:16:05,006 --> 00:16:08,217
Just admit this is about you
wanting to feel needed!
381
00:16:08,342 --> 00:16:10,303
Says the woman who sold out
her family
382
00:16:10,428 --> 00:16:12,805
for an ounce of approval
from her drunk father!
383
00:16:12,930 --> 00:16:14,724
Well, maybe he drinks
because it isn't easy
384
00:16:14,849 --> 00:16:17,268
- to be more powerful than god.
- Well, if it's god power
385
00:16:17,393 --> 00:16:19,103
that gets you going,
light some candles
386
00:16:19,228 --> 00:16:21,939
and put on the Billy ocean
because Moses is home
387
00:16:22,064 --> 00:16:24,108
and he's ready
to burn some bush!
388
00:16:24,233 --> 00:16:25,985
Sha-boom-boom!
389
00:16:27,612 --> 00:16:29,363
Ohh! Fuck! Ow!
390
00:16:29,489 --> 00:16:31,073
Alright, alright, stop.
391
00:16:31,199 --> 00:16:32,950
- Come on, bitch!
- Look, you win, okay?
392
00:16:33,075 --> 00:16:34,494
Ju... I don't care
about the kids.
393
00:16:34,619 --> 00:16:36,287
Smite them, raise them
to fuck sheep.
394
00:16:36,412 --> 00:16:37,914
Just keep the city, okay?
395
00:16:38,039 --> 00:16:39,349
My daughter and I
built that thing.
396
00:16:39,373 --> 00:16:41,876
- It's important to her.
- No, bro. I'm a Zeus.
397
00:16:42,001 --> 00:16:44,128
I can literally do anything.
398
00:16:44,253 --> 00:16:46,839
Think I'm gonna hang around
and raise kids?
399
00:16:46,964 --> 00:16:50,968
The only lesson they need
is right here... fear.
400
00:16:51,093 --> 00:16:53,596
And it looks like
school's out, bitch.
401
00:16:53,721 --> 00:16:55,765
- I-I think you mean school's in.
- What are...
402
00:16:55,890 --> 00:16:57,367
- What are you talking about?
- I-If you're teaching fear,
403
00:16:57,391 --> 00:17:00,186
then choking me...
School would be in.
404
00:17:00,311 --> 00:17:02,563
Fine. School's in, bitch.
405
00:17:03,564 --> 00:17:04,899
Oh.
406
00:17:05,024 --> 00:17:07,026
What the fuck?
407
00:17:12,573 --> 00:17:14,867
Ohh! Are we dead? D-Did we die?
408
00:17:14,992 --> 00:17:16,345
I don't ever want to be
high again.
409
00:17:16,369 --> 00:17:17,537
I-I got scared straight.
410
00:17:17,662 --> 00:17:18,996
Oh, my god, I got scared
straight.
411
00:17:19,121 --> 00:17:20,373
Fuck. Dad was right.
412
00:17:20,498 --> 00:17:21,725
We... we think
we know everything,
413
00:17:21,749 --> 00:17:23,334
but maybe we're the ones
who suck.
414
00:17:25,503 --> 00:17:27,004
You kids are my fucking heroes!
415
00:17:27,129 --> 00:17:28,982
You saved grandpa's life!
I fucking love you so much!
416
00:17:29,006 --> 00:17:30,466
- Papa!
- Papa!
417
00:17:30,591 --> 00:17:31,818
We played video games
and got high!
418
00:17:31,842 --> 00:17:32,969
We did wrong! We did wrong!
419
00:17:33,094 --> 00:17:34,446
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, little boopas.
420
00:17:34,470 --> 00:17:37,223
Come on, now. You kids,
you did real good here.
421
00:17:37,348 --> 00:17:38,683
You did good. Getting high
422
00:17:38,808 --> 00:17:40,160
and playing video games
is the best,
423
00:17:40,184 --> 00:17:41,787
- I swear to fucking god.
- But mom and dad
424
00:17:41,811 --> 00:17:43,497
- are gonna be mad.
- No, hey, hey, look, no.
425
00:17:43,521 --> 00:17:46,023
Fuck your mom and dad.
Your parents are a bag of dicks.
426
00:17:46,148 --> 00:17:48,068
Getting high and playing
video games is the best,
427
00:17:48,150 --> 00:17:49,569
and I will never
sell you out, ever.
428
00:17:49,694 --> 00:17:51,213
Now, we got to get out of here
before this guy
429
00:17:51,237 --> 00:17:52,405
falls out of the sky.
430
00:17:52,530 --> 00:17:54,758
He's generating an ionic cloud
from his own belief system.
431
00:17:54,782 --> 00:17:56,784
Holy shit, summer,
were you smoking this?
432
00:17:56,909 --> 00:17:58,303
You were basically
inhaling brake fluid.
433
00:17:58,327 --> 00:17:59,370
Jesus!
434
00:18:01,831 --> 00:18:03,082
Mm, yeah.
435
00:18:08,713 --> 00:18:11,257
It's over, Beth. Tell your
people to lower the gates
436
00:18:11,382 --> 00:18:13,134
and pack
their moisture-wicking shirts.
437
00:18:13,259 --> 00:18:15,011
Incoming!
438
00:18:21,851 --> 00:18:23,352
Beth: Jerry!
439
00:18:23,477 --> 00:18:25,646
Beth! Just hold on!
440
00:18:25,771 --> 00:18:27,398
I'm losing my grip!
441
00:18:29,567 --> 00:18:30,818
- Jerry.
- Squeeb?
442
00:18:30,943 --> 00:18:34,447
Use the s'more, Jerry.
443
00:18:34,572 --> 00:18:35,615
Ow! You stabbed my hand!
444
00:18:35,740 --> 00:18:36,907
Sorry! Sorry!
445
00:18:40,119 --> 00:18:41,912
Should... should we make love?
446
00:18:42,038 --> 00:18:43,956
Jerry, I love you,
but I can literally
447
00:18:44,081 --> 00:18:46,167
- smell your balls from here.
- Oh, wow.
448
00:18:46,292 --> 00:18:49,086
Ask god for a flood next time.
It'll come with a shower.
449
00:18:49,211 --> 00:18:51,172
Noted.
450
00:18:51,297 --> 00:18:52,965
Aw, geez, that... that poor guy.
451
00:18:53,090 --> 00:18:54,508
Can you maybe not tell
mom and dad?
452
00:18:54,634 --> 00:18:57,011
Relax, it's just a Zeus.
If this was the real god, it...
453
00:18:57,136 --> 00:18:59,513
It'd be a completely
different story.
454
00:18:59,639 --> 00:19:02,099
Gaia: Rick! What did you do?!
455
00:19:02,224 --> 00:19:03,601
I mean, gravity did most of it.
456
00:19:03,726 --> 00:19:06,771
- So, you, technically.
- Gaia: I told you to leave!
457
00:19:06,896 --> 00:19:08,816
Yeah, well, you also asked me
to raise your kids.
458
00:19:08,939 --> 00:19:11,108
Uh, not sure if you heard
the phrase, "pick a Lane,"
459
00:19:11,233 --> 00:19:12,943
- but...
- You killed their father!
460
00:19:13,069 --> 00:19:14,945
Father or not, he was
a lying piece of shit.
461
00:19:15,071 --> 00:19:16,781
I don't care who else
stuffed your crust,
462
00:19:16,906 --> 00:19:18,366
but I'm the guy that showed up.
463
00:19:18,491 --> 00:19:20,691
But I mean, if you want,
I can still power-wash his guts
464
00:19:20,743 --> 00:19:23,287
- off the tower and maybe...
- Get oooout!
465
00:19:23,412 --> 00:19:24,747
Okay, yeah, she's pissed.
466
00:19:24,872 --> 00:19:26,552
I mean, you killed her
slam piece, grandpa.
467
00:19:26,582 --> 00:19:28,042
I don't blame her.
468
00:19:41,597 --> 00:19:44,850
See? You put the fire stick
to the wood, and, voila!
469
00:19:44,975 --> 00:19:45,975
Campfire.
470
00:19:46,018 --> 00:19:47,728
You have known about this
the whole time?
471
00:19:47,853 --> 00:19:49,733
I'm not gonna waste my time
building you an ark,
472
00:19:49,772 --> 00:19:52,358
but if your mom gets clingy, you
can use this to get some space.
473
00:19:52,483 --> 00:19:54,920
Is that all you want to say to
your children before you leave?
474
00:19:54,944 --> 00:19:57,571
Oh, yeah, uh,
don't ask me for money.
475
00:20:00,241 --> 00:20:02,368
I mean, gaia's not gonna
raise those guys
476
00:20:02,493 --> 00:20:04,245
to hunt us down, right?
477
00:20:04,370 --> 00:20:06,370
Oh, most definitely.
I put a tracker on their ship.
478
00:20:06,455 --> 00:20:08,183
I'll blow it up if they come
anywhere near me.
479
00:20:08,207 --> 00:20:10,376
Well, kids, never thought
I'd say this, but,
480
00:20:10,501 --> 00:20:12,211
- summer, you were right.
- Wait, what?
481
00:20:12,336 --> 00:20:14,422
I thought I wanted
to teach you guys about tents,
482
00:20:14,547 --> 00:20:16,590
but really,
I just wanted to feel important.
483
00:20:16,716 --> 00:20:18,259
I guess sometimes teenagers
do know
484
00:20:18,384 --> 00:20:20,469
what they're talking about,
even if it's mean.
485
00:20:20,594 --> 00:20:23,514
Right, but didn't you, like,
go into god-mode and fight mom?
486
00:20:23,639 --> 00:20:25,683
Love is the only power
that matters, morty.
487
00:20:25,808 --> 00:20:28,018
No, you had actual power,
and you did Jack shit.
488
00:20:28,144 --> 00:20:29,562
That was a divine staff.
489
00:20:29,687 --> 00:20:31,373
You could've cured cancer
or raised the dead.
490
00:20:31,397 --> 00:20:33,774
- Instead you made bugs.
- Well, I was impressed, dad.
491
00:20:33,899 --> 00:20:36,444
He saved my life,
no thanks to you.
492
00:20:38,904 --> 00:20:40,281
Your kids got high on alien mist
493
00:20:40,406 --> 00:20:41,967
and drove the ship
into that Zeus guy's head.
494
00:20:41,991 --> 00:20:43,343
- Basically murdered him.
- Grandpa!
495
00:20:43,367 --> 00:20:44,577
- What the hell?!
- Come on!
496
00:20:44,702 --> 00:20:46,328
I mean, not to cast
the first stone,
497
00:20:46,454 --> 00:20:48,390
but, Beth and Jerry, pretty
terrible parenting on your part.
498
00:20:48,414 --> 00:20:50,014
Did you know summer huffed
a k-zax array?
499
00:20:50,124 --> 00:20:51,542
She basically smoked "the ring."
500
00:20:51,667 --> 00:20:53,043
Most pilots die
after three days.
501
00:20:53,169 --> 00:20:54,729
And morty, the fucking moron,
he thought
502
00:20:54,754 --> 00:20:56,505
the ship worked
like a game controller.
503
00:20:56,630 --> 00:20:58,340
What in the Disney channel fuck
is that?
504
00:20:58,466 --> 00:20:59,986
Maybe help him with
homework next time.
505
00:21:00,092 --> 00:21:01,886
He's clearly crying for help.
506
00:21:33,167 --> 00:21:36,212
Announcer: Planets only.
Planets only. Planets only.
507
00:21:36,337 --> 00:21:39,507
Entire systems of steamy,
lush globes
508
00:21:39,632 --> 00:21:42,218
and barely habitable
celestial objects
509
00:21:42,343 --> 00:21:44,720
are drifting through
the void just for you.
510
00:21:44,845 --> 00:21:46,847
- Planets only.
- Planet 1: Let's terraform.
511
00:21:46,972 --> 00:21:49,725
- Or colonize me as I am.
- Announcer: Planets only.
512
00:21:49,850 --> 00:21:52,186
Planet 2: Oops, there's a hole
in my ozone.
513
00:21:52,311 --> 00:21:54,021
I didn't put it there. Did you?
514
00:21:54,146 --> 00:21:57,483
I can't fill it by myself.
I'm not smart enough.
515
00:21:57,608 --> 00:22:00,194
Announcer: Young, dumb,
and orbiting a sun.
516
00:22:00,319 --> 00:22:03,280
The greenhouse is in full effect
at planets only.
517
00:22:03,405 --> 00:22:04,966
Planet 3: Oh, I want you
to split my pangea
518
00:22:04,990 --> 00:22:06,200
into distinct continents.
519
00:22:06,325 --> 00:22:08,869
Planet 4: I don't have
hydrostatic equilibrium yet.
520
00:22:08,994 --> 00:22:10,871
Is that something you can learn?
521
00:22:10,996 --> 00:22:12,790
Announcer: You get the idea.
522
00:22:12,915 --> 00:22:14,625
Phew!
523
00:22:14,750 --> 00:22:16,686
I was watching over your
shoulder for a full minute.
524
00:22:16,710 --> 00:22:18,146
So? I was watching because
it's funny.
525
00:22:18,170 --> 00:22:19,606
It's... it's... they... they...
They're planets,
526
00:22:19,630 --> 00:22:21,423
but they're sexy.
It's a comedic premise.
527
00:22:21,549 --> 00:22:24,426
- Yeah.
- An nou ncer: Planets only.
528
00:22:24,552 --> 00:22:26,053
Planets only.
37424
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