Original subtitles

What's in the box?

Are you gonna talk today?

So then you know I switched puddings,

uh like chocolate, butterscotch, unflavored.

So one time I spill this chocolate pudding

on this white shepherd, my friend Kathy's,

and I couldn't get it out, I was scrubbing and scrubbing,

and this, like the fur came off on his head,

and I didn't know what to do,

so uh, I just let him, I just let him out.

Um, and everyone was like freaking out.

Like where'd, where'd Kenzo go?

And like they were looking for weeks,

and they, they put up uh, lost dog signs,

and I would just like, uh like rip 'em down.

And uh, yeah, it's like kinda crazy

'cause I'll still hear the dog barking at night.

You're back on the dick?

I don't understand, a month ago you were gonna marry Riley,

and now you're back on the dick.

I love you.

My goddamn genetic disposition for allergies.

What the hell is there mold in the rafters?

Is there a toxic mold problem here?

You know about it?

Hey, you curlicue, peekaboo.

I'm Theresa, I'm new.

Hey, I'm Ben.

Cute Ben.

You look like you've been doing a lot of CrossFit.

I have acting class at seven tonight,

we're working on the classics,

but at eight, I'm as free as a kite.

You got a girlfriend?

Oh, my god.

Oh, my god.

Oh, my childhood, my innocent childhood.

Happiness awoke with me every morning,

it was just like this all, all white.

After the dark, dismal autumn and the cold, cold winter

you are young again full of happiness,

the angels of heaven have not abandoned you.

Benny.

Ma.

I want you to know that I love you very much.

You love me?

And your dad, he loves you very much too,

and your Aunt Cindy, even the people at Panera.

The Obama's love you.

God, he loves you too.

- Ma. - He does.

I get it.

You know what they say?

A mother always knows.

Your mother did know.

You okay?

Yeah.

♪ I'm gonna take a stab at this ♪

♪ Sure you will be all right ♪

♪ Make a decision with a kiss ♪

♪ Baby I have false spite ♪

I'm a Aquarius, Gemini new, Gemini rising,

but my personality disorders

would suggest that I'm a Pisces.

♪ Back home ♪

♪ I make sure that ♪

Oh, oh, I, I'm so sorry.

♪ Would it fall ♪

Teabag all on you.

Just, uh.

Whoa, whoa!

You, oh, you.

♪ It was a trick ♪

♪ This isn't a gunfight ♪

♪ Checking it off my list ♪

♪ Unable to rewrite ♪

♪ Five years cast once and far alone ♪

♪ Hope I'm ♪

Mask, mask.

- Me? - Yeah, this is

my murder beard, this is my murder beard.

This is how I pull 'em in.

Lure 'em to dark things, which clearly it worked for you.

- Mm-hmm. - Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

No.

♪ They go, we go, I want you to know what I did, I did ♪

♪ They go, we go, I want you to know what I did, I did ♪

♪ They go, we go, I want you to know what I did, I did ♪

It's good.

I honestly couldn't put it down.

Read it in one sitting.

I think it's Nietzsche's best.

Maybe he's least accessible, but worth the pain.

He killed himself after writing it.

Oh, yeah?

Think we ever truly evolve?

Well, it depends on how hungry you are.

Hey, you wanna grab a drink some time?

Uh.

Sure.

Here put your phone number in there.

I'm Ben.

Sam.

What are you doing right now?

I have uh, a friend's thing

and a month's worth of laundry to do so.

But I uh, don't really feel like doing any of it.

Oh, he about come get his ass,

oh, he about to go, go.

Oh, that's kid's gonna have PTSD.

In this gay part of town though that means um,

playground's too sandy, daddy.

Playground's too sandy, daddy.

Back in my day we didn't have playgrounds,

just chat rooms and AOL.

Mm.

ASL.

- ASL. - Yeah.

Age, sex, location, really?

Yeah.

Age, 26, sex, male, location, Bedstar.

Age, 13 1/2.

Sex, yes.

Location dangerously close to a cute boy.

You scared?

No.

Fireworks.

Yeah?

Yeah, fireworks.

I, I had a surgery.

It's temporary.

Could we uh, I'm sorry.

What's your family like?

Just me and my dad.

My older brother I never see, Bill.

I got one of those.

- Yeah? - Yeah, we shared a room

for 18 years, then he changed his name to Will.

You think you know a guy.

You have any other siblings?

Yeah, a sister.

Do they know?

What about you?

Yeah.

My mom was like, "Son, you've made your bed now fuck in it."

Well, she wasn't that cool but she was very supportive.

I wish.

You should tell 'em.

Nah.

You should.

When did you know?

That I liked boys?

I guess I was eight or nine.

We had this desk in my room with my mom's old stuff in it,

had this deck of cards from her bachelorette party,

it was all these male strippers,

a royal flush of bottoms.

And uh, I used to sketch this one guy, Brazilian,

I think he was the ace of spades.

Used to sketch him in the middle of the ocean.

What about you?

I don't know.

Come on.

It was the boy next door.

We used to have sleepovers.

How old were you?

Eight or nine.

How old was he?

My age.

And you guys like did stuff?

Yeah, I don't know, we, we'd fool around, yeah.

You little slut.

Oh, learned my lesson.

What were you like?

What was I like when?

Growing up.

Uh, had a mushroom cut.

And I went to Bible camp.

That's all you need to know.

Come on.

All right, uh, stay-at-home dad

and a leave the home mom.

We had two cats the Pinky and the Brain.

Brain killed Pinky.

Naturally.

And my first cassette tape growing up was Lou Bega.

"Mambo No. 5"?

"Mambo No. 5".

All the women in that song

were just people from my childhood,

so it was always just like.

♪ A little bit of Rita's all I need ♪

That's my grandma.

♪ A little bit of Tina's all I see ♪

That's my neighbor.

What else?

I can wiggle my ears.

What about you?

Uh, played a lot of baseball.

I read a lot, sang in the church choir, played the flute.

Ooh.

Well, everybody plays the flute sometimes.

♪ There's no exception to the rule ♪

- ♪ Listen ♪ - Yeah, well.

♪ Baby ♪

It was Iowa, so not a lot to do.

Sing me something.

♪ Take me out to the ball game ♪

♪ Take me out with the crowd ♪

♪ Buy me some peanuts and Cracker Jacks ♪

♪ I don't care if I never come back ♪

♪ Let me root, root, root for the home team ♪

♪ If they don't win it's a shame ♪

♪ For it's one, two, three strikes you're out ♪

♪ At the old ball game ♪

Spend nearly all their lives underground,

feeding off the roots of trees.

Periodicals come out in different broods every 13, 17 years,

so this batch is coming out in a very different world.

It's actually an all male forest.

Occasionally some even have blue eyes.

Sign me up.

I have some reports of folks

finding them under flat rocks over the last week

so they're definitely near the surface,

but it's still not warm enough for them to emerge yet.

Is this the new one?

Yeah.

You know they say art is never finished

it's just abandoned.

I spent eight months painting this.

My daughter didn't like it so I brought it here.

Doc, I'm still getting the nausea.

- Mm-hmm. - Last week, I just,

something got stuck in my throat.

Like my throat just locked up.

Well, that's simple, don't eat.

No, no, no, no, eating is important.

It gives us energy to go on dates.

Listen, Doc, I just-

- Dysphasia can be serious, Ben.

It can be anything from a mass in your throat to MS.

- How long- - MS?

Stop.

- Come on. - Stop.

Ooh, I can't wait until we're behind closed doors later.

Just gonna bend you over, pull back your hair,

and hold your hand so good.

It's not 'cause we're in public, it's just not my thing.

Holding hands?

So I still don't get it, what do you do?

Data tech, you sort through big data,

everything from TV networks to government.

Sort of helped take down Osama bin Laden.

Wait, what?

Were you a fan?

Samuel.

Benjamin.

I'm just a simple country boy.

I paint apartments for Upper East Side DILFs,

I didn't know I was dating Tomb Raider.

For the record I'm very turned on.

Oh.

What happened to your arm?

I get tested every few months.

Oh, now I'm turned on.

Oh, yeah?

I get every test in the books, litmus, ultrasound.

Talk dirty.

Centrifuge.

PPO.

Pre-exposure prophylaxis.

Negative?

Negative.

I hate fireworks.

The sound of freedom.

Whose freedom?

They're not fireworks, they're sparklers.

How do I hold it?

You gotta bend over.

Oh, you got a dud.

You're a dud.

You're a dud.

- Look at this. - You're a dud.

- You're a dud. - You're a dud.

Ha, you're a dud.

You're a sicky.

The neighbors are watching.

Oh, fuck.

- Oh, shit. - What?

- Shit. - Oh.

Mm, mm, taste like cum.

- You're so gross. - Mm, mm, mm.

Hey, have you, have you seen my good underwear?

I can't find my good underwear.

You only have one pair?

You know it's funny,

I never had this problem with women.

What problem?

This is your good underwear?

Sam.

Uh.

Are you seeing someone?

You're glowing.

You're pregnant with glow.

You're practically dilated.

Are your nipples sore?

Are your nipples sore?

What's his name?

What's his name?

Sam, Sam, he's name's Sam.

Jesus.

Well, I thought I'd never see you this happy again,

and with a man.

Hey, Mr. Deperalta.

Oh, don't be silly, Benjamin, call me Bo.

Benny and Bo, two lonely bees in their tight tees.

You know I just got these imported.

Real horse hair, the brushes.

Indigenous Clydesdale from Connecticut.

Cool.

I just hope they're thick enough to get the job done.

It's just a shame about this balloon knot color.

I wish it was pinker.

Isn't this fun?

What's your earliest memory?

One of my earliest memories, I was running,

I was running in my backyard totally naked.

No one could catch me.

What about you?

I was singing on my grandma's porch,

felt like the whole town could hear me.

When was your first time?

With a man?

Yeah.

I thought I told you this.

No.

I was uh, at homecoming,

and I passed out under the bleachers.

Had to take a cab the next morning 'cause-

- You broke curfew, that's the "The Virgin Suicides".

Tell me about it.

No, the movie.

You know "The Virgin Suicides"?

Well, who was your first man kiss?

Why are you being so coy?

I don't understand why this is such a big deal?

You tell me.

When was yours?

I was in college.

It happened under a tree.

I, I shit on his dick and cried.

Your turn.

That's good,

- that's real good. - Okay, okay.

What about you?

Ben.

I was young.

Oh.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

- I'm sorry, I, I didn't- - It's okay.

- Mean to pry. - It's okay.

Do you wanna talk about?

When you shit on his dick did you do it on purpose?

Come on.

Everything has to be a joke.

You can talk to me, I'll listen.

I'm here for you.

What'd you do today?

How was school?

Tell me everything.

Ben.

Benjamin.

Benjamin.

Benjamin.

What were you gonna tell me?

Okay.

We have to take the climbing tree out.

It'll fill in though, and you'll forget all about it.

Nature has a way of erasing.

Amber, please don't fall and break your foot again.

Help, Mommy.

You're doing great.

Oh, okay, all right, all right.

You really wanna start?

Do you really have to go?

Yeah, Mom.

Let's do the beach next week.

All right, we'll go Robert Moses like the old days.

Don't let get too long, okay?

Don't, don't do that thing

where we don't see each other.

Don't let it get to Christmas, okay?

Okay?

♪ Everybody plays the fool sometimes ♪

♪ There's no exception to the rule ♪

♪ Listen, everybody plays the fool ♪

Sam!

What are you doing here?

I waited for like an hour,

I thought you were raiding more tombs.

I gotta go to San Francisco

for a couple days, I gotta pack.

Okay, I get it, gotta go to San Francisco.

You gotta escape.

Listen, I'm the only black guy at work,

and it's hard enough being the only black guy let alone gay

so you can't just show up at my work.

I get it, you're the only black guy

who can't be a faggot in public.

I never should of told you.

It's not about that.

Listen, I don't understand.

I don't know why I can't bring my boyfriend flowers at work.

What?

- Come on. - This is moving too fast.

This is moving too fast.

Every 17 years they come up just to mate,

then they die, then their offspring

bury themselves underground,

and they live off the tree sap and.

Discrepancies in assistant coach

Michael McQueary own testimony have aroused suspicion.

And some believe it may throw a wrench

in the proceedings of the case.

Originally McQueary claimed to have witnessed Sandusky

fondling a 10-year-old boy

in an on campus locker room March, 2002,

but prosecutors now claim the abuse

took place in February 2001.

Look McQueary can no longer

be considered a valid witness.

What juror isn't going to question

the memory of a man over a year.

What are you doing?

I got locked out.

You're gonna miss your flight.

I'm not going.

Told them, "I had an emergency, my boyfriend went missing."

Your boyfriend went missing.

♪ Pineapples in the morning ♪

♪ Sage burning on the lynch ♪

♪ Toes touch in the backyard ♪

♪ Amen ♪

♪ School bus on the corner ♪

You gotta take me.

Hold up, you know I can't dribble.

♪ Wonder where they're gonna touch down and when ♪

Why not?

No one's watching.

♪ I ain't gotta ♪

Why you always touching?

I don't understand.

♪ Might just take me a bath today ♪

♪ Soap up till I'm brand new ♪

♪ Zone out too, kinda blue ♪

♪ I feel like I'm really living ♪

♪ Ooh, I feel like I'm really giving ♪

♪ Making my own decisions ♪

♪ Pray to my own religion ♪

♪ I feel like I might be dying ♪

♪ Still ain't no harm in trying ♪

♪ I feel like I'm really giving ♪

♪ Making my own decisions ♪

♪ Pray to my own religion ♪

Did she smile when you told her?

I don't know, it was on the phone.

I think so.

Did you tell her I was black?

Yeah.

I was coming home from the bar, it was late.

I don't even know why I went to the bar,

I don't like gay bars,

but a few hours go by, and I'm drunk,

and tired of white dudes ignoring me, so I go home.

When I'm at the station I see this dude,

this beautiful Latino dude.

He notices me, and I wink, and he smiles,

and I walk over to him, and I give him my number.

When he leans in he kisses me right there.

This is before I met you.

Now in the corner of my eye

I can see this old white lady frowning,

and so I pull him closer, and we make out hard

right there until my train comes.

I was geek the whole way home.

You know I never do stuff like that.

And I'm walking back, and this silver car pulls up,

and he lays down, rolls down his window,

and he, he says, "Where's the party at?"

At first I thought he was trying to hit on me,

you know like I was gonna quip with something funny,

and feeling myself after that kiss, you know.

And um,

he shot me,

he shot me, and I'm just laying there, and he drives off.

And I'm thinking, God, please don't let me go out like this,

like this is the most cliche boys in the hood

way to go out, and I'm thinking about the bar,

and the station, and kissing that dude,

and I just wish none of that shit ever happened, you know.

The craziest part is I actually

thought he was trying to hit on me,

like he wanted me,

somebody wanted me.

You should tell your dad.

Tell him what?

You know.

Nah.

Ooh.

You'll feel real, trust me.

It feels good.

Transparency feels good.

Tell his pastor.

Old people change.

Ben, I grew up in a church,

I can't just tell my dad,

hey, I'm fucking this dude, he's coming over for dinner.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, easy tiger.

Hey, listen, just be cool, okay?

Don't look at me like, you know he's very.

Perceptive.

Obviously not.

- Ben. - Come on, come on.

Listen, bro, let's just get this over with

so we can go pound some puss, all right?

Thank you.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, no homo.

Whoa, wait, I'm nervous.

- Sammy Davis Jr in the flesh. - What's up, old man?

Look at you.

Ah, the women at church gonna have to say 10 Hail Mary's.

You know if came back you'd be the second coming.

It's too far, Pops.

Oh, you'd have to wash a lot of feet.

But you know I hear some people are into that kind of thing.

All right, Dad, this is Ben.

Hey, good to meet ya.

Hi, Ben.

How ya doing?

Uh, uh come on in.

No, no, no, you have a seat, Benjamin.

We got this.

So Benjamin, you work with Sam?

No, we uh, we just live in the same neighborhood.

Same neighborhood.

Sam, you better watch out, he tried to get you out.

All they need to rape and pillage

these days is a juice bar.

Black man gets thrown out with the pulp.

Pops.

My day all they needed was boombox and Captain & Tennille.

Love doesn't keep us together.

Ribs keep us together.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- Better watch out. - How ya feeling?

How ya feeling?

Still kicking, still ticking.

- Yeah, come on, come on. - Better than you, old man.

Yeah, yeah.

It's so nice that

uh, Captain & Tennille are still together.

What?

So uh, where'd you grow up, Benjamin?

Long Island.

Still working with the speech coach.

Sausage and meatballs, sausage and meatballs,

sausage and meatballs.

Huh, yeah.

Long Island's got some great parishes.

You go church for Sam?

Uh.

No.

I went to an episcopal church though growing up.

Yeah, Bible camp.

Huh, that's a great kind of camp.

Yeah.

For a talent show this one year

"Who Let the Dogs Out" was pretty big.

Remember that song "Who Let the Dogs Out"?

So we did who let the Lord in instead.

So it was like.

♪ Who let the Lord in ♪

Me, me, I did it.

That's good, that's good.

Who let the Lord in?

♪ Who let the Lord in me ♪

- Oh, you got him started. - Me, I did it.

That's good, that's good.

This one's a keeper, Sam.

We begin this half hour

with the sex abuse trial

- of Jerry Sandusky. - Who?

He was some guy that was dressed up like-

- Sandusky's attorney Joe Amendola

has been hammering away at one victim's credibility.

Asking why, "He stayed quiet for so long

while he continued to play on the team."

Extra points.

His mother was heard crying

from the back of the courtroom.

Cream.

No, I'm good, I'm good.

No, thank you.

You know this whole Jerry Sandusky,

got more kids coming out every day.

And how many of those boys were black?

No one talks about that, Sam.

Come on, Dad.

People ask questions what's taking so long.

Principal didn't believe those kids.

Took a half dozen for them to even question Jerry.

Half these kids' fathers didn't believe them.

Can you believe that, Sam?

Have you ever talked to someone?

What do you mean?

Like a therapist?

Uh, yeah.

What is that supposed to mean?

I got a headache.

Therapist don't have all the answers, Ben,

but we certainly do try.

Oh, Klonopin, she such a bitch.

I mean she has a penis but her heart is female.

Aren't you?

Aren't you?

I need to, we're gonna work now.

Okay, let's focus.

I'm so glad I found someone in my network.

You're super affordable.

Oh, yeah, tell me about it.

The new company fucked me big time.

A real shocker, two in the pink, one in the shrink.

What?

You know most therapist are so stuffy, Ben.

You know they, they sit there wanking away.

We don't wank, we listen.

Well, she's deaf, she can't hear,

but I am here and listening.

She's just here sending you some love.

So tell us about you.

The floor is yours.

It's a safe space.

You were born.

I guess it's been a few years

since I tried to tell someone.

And it's like uh, it took forever to get everything out,

and when it finally came it was like uh,

it was like I had cooked this meal, right,

this lifelong meal, and she just shoved it into her mouth,

and shit it out in front of me.

Shit it out in front of you.

So it wasn't satisfying?

It wasn't ceremonious?

- No. - No.

That's just awful.

It's really awful.

It's really, really awful.

You were just a number, that's how you felt, yes?

Okay, well, tell me more about yourself.

Well, I guess, uh, I been in New York for three years now.

I was, I think I was made in New Hampshire,

but I was packaged on Long Island.

Girlfriend?

Boyfriend?

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, he still won't, he still won't kiss me in public

but he's great, it's great.

Um, how long have you been out?

Um, couple months.

Couple months.

Yeah, I'm a bit of a late bloomer I guess.

Yeah, late bloomer.

I guess my relationship with sex

hasn't always been healthy.

Like uh, sometimes I get this intense nausea.

Up until recently I couldn't, I couldn't be intimate

unless I was drinking, unless I was, unless I was drunk.

Molested?

What?

What?

Yeah.

How was school?

What'd you do today?

Come one, tell me everything, Ben.

Benjamin.

Benjamin.

Benjamin.

Okay, let's see what we got here.

Open your mouth, say ah.

Ah.

Good boy.

It's a fever, I can feel it.

101.2, I think.

You can't feel it.

101.5.

101.5 Lite F-phlegm.

Lite F-phlegm.

Blazing hip hop and R&B classics.

With all the smooth vomit

to get you through the morning commute.

And all these headaches of commercials.

And your favorite irregular heartbeats.

Sit back, relax, and get ready to be inflamed.

♪ Dahlia ♪

♪ Diarrhea ♪

Hey, Ben.

Yeah.

How long have you been like this?

Seeing doctors you mean?

I don't know like three years.

Hey, what would you do if you were gonna die in a year?

Shut up.

No, come on.

It's gotta be something you've always wanted to do.

You can't say travel.

Sing.

I'd start a band or something.

Yeah, sing.

I like that.

What about you?

I'd travel.

You're stupid.

Ben, you're gonna wear that?

Didn't you just come out

- to your friends? - Okay, okay, okay,

okay, all right.

- You look so beautiful- - Okay, I'll change it.

Baby.

- My little. - Okay.

Natural Fabio.

- Cheers! - Cheers, cheers.

Oh, my god, do you remember him in eighth grade?

He was such an ass fug.

- Yes. - He crashed his mini.

Guys, wait, honestly,

do you know that I fingered his asshole?

Oh, my god, what?

What?

I did.

- I told like a couple- - No way.

People, but it really spread like wildfire.

- Bedroom eyes, right? - Eyes wide open.

Literally sent us New York, Vietnam, Paris,

Saigon, Saigon, Tempe, Tempe.

Sam, where do you live?

Brooklyn.

Oh, cute.

I, it's actually really nice now you guys.

I love going out there.

There's like theater.

Peter, do you still play piano?

Me, no.

- What do you mean no? - No.

- Sam sings. - Ew.

- Oh, no, no, no. - Yes, he does, yes, he does.

- I don't. - Sam.

- No, no. - Sam.

No, no, I don't sing in public.

- Come on. - Please.

- Sam. - Sam.

Sammy.

Sammy, Sammy.

I don't think I can, I can sing something.

- Come on. - Yes, please do.

- It's so good. - Do it.

- It's so good. - Yeah, sure.

- Okay, great. - Oh, my god, what?

What?

♪ Love, love me do ♪

♪ You know I love you ♪

♪ I'll always be true ♪

♪ So please ♪

♪ Love me do ♪

♪ Oh, love me do ♪

♪ Love, love me do ♪

♪ You know I love you ♪

- Oh, my god. - Yes.

What was that?

You already knew I was uncomfortable.

I don't know any of your friends

and you just put me on the spot.

Sam, you were incredible.

You just told me if you were gonna die you'd sing.

I'm not dying.

Am I the first black guy you ever dated?

No, you're not the first black guy I've been with.

I didn't say been with I said dated.

You have no idea what it's like to be the other.

I'm sorry you felt like the other.

It's not how I felt, I am.

Look if I'm some prop you can use to show your friends

how woke you are,

or that interracial relationships are cool,

or that you're so liberal minded,

or that you're just trying to diversify yourself and.

All right, I'm sorry I wanna hold your hand in public.

I'm sorry I want this relationship to feel real.

Would you date me if I wasn't black?

All right, I haven't seen my friends in six weeks, okay,

and this was the first time they got to meet

- my real boyfriend. - Please don't

play the victim.

Okay, all right.

Listen I'm tired, I don't think

we should sleep together tonight.

Ben.

You know why would we?

Like the audience is gone.

Stop.

The lights are off, the curtains are closed.

You know let's just go back to our dressing rooms.

Fuck off!

I need you to keep your voice down

my roommates are sleeping.

Oh, no, let's wake them up!

I can sing and dance for them too!

You want me to get my symbols?

Hey.

I'm sorry.

You were just trying to tell me how you felt last night

and I should have listen instead of feeling attacked.

And I'm sorry you went through that last night.

Think I, I just got excited

'cause everyone was meeting you for the first time.

And I'm trying to be patient

with you not being out, and I'm sorry.

Wow.

You really outdid yourself.

Look I was doing a lot of thinking

about we talked about last night.

Yeah.

I'm sorry.

No, you don't have to-

- No, I don't want you- - You don't have to.

To feel like this isn't real you know?

'Cause this is real for me.

Try not to care about what the world thinks about us.

Hey, the world doesn't think about us.

Listen, I wanna tell you something.

Yeah, what?

Swear to god.

What?

Yes.

Stop.

My roommate's sleeping we have to whisper.

Okay, I'll be quiet.

Okay.

Hey, I wanna make you breakfast.

Whatcha gonna make?

Wanna make you big and strong.

Oh, yeah.

I'm gonna make you one apple, two pears,

three plums, four strawberries, one salami.

And one nice green leaf.

He is one very hungry caterpillar.

Yes, he is.

Thank you.

You cutie.

What?

Listen, I don't know who you are

or what you've done with my Samuel.

I love you.

You love me?

Do you love me?

I love you.

♪ Six years old ♪

♪ Staring at my nose in the mirror ♪

♪ Trying to dip my toes in the mirror ♪

♪ Thinking who's that girl ♪

♪ And does the mirror world go on forever ♪

♪ Calmly you roll ♪

♪ Sharpening the knives in the attic ♪

♪ Trying to watch cartoons through the static ♪

♪ Thinking where am I gonna be ♪

♪ If I'm ever 23, oh ♪

♪ I'm looking at a life unfold ♪

♪ Dreaming of the green and gold ♪

♪ Just like the ancient stone ♪

♪ Every sunrise I know ♪

♪ Those eyes you gave to me ♪

♪ That let me see ♪

♪ Where I come from ♪

Know the perpetrator in some way.

68% are abused by a family remember.

Here we are last spring with one of the victims.

I was, I was just really scared,

uh, and I came home after school one day,

and I just, I just told her.

Uh, I didn't know what to do.

I always knew something was wrong,

and then I asked him, I asked him.

I mean I, I had no idea.

He was like a father figure to my son.

He was basically a father,

and he ruined my whole family.

He's ruined us.

All those kids, Sam.

- Those kids. - It's okay.

You think he's gone, but.

I got you, I got you, I got you.

Okay, let's go back to um, what you were saying earlier.

Uh, people automatically judge

when they hear you've been abused.

They think, oh, this kid is damaged, this kid is a liar,

this kid um, is probably going to abuse someone themselves.

But this just isn't the case.

We are finding out that pedophiles

have it innately, like an orientation,

and that children who have been molested

are just more likely to fuck up our relationship.

You know what?

First off fuck child molesters.

Fuck 'em, skull fuck 'em to death.

They acted, let them burn.

You know when you get passed all of the hate and the anger,

you realize that this is a person who is confused.

This person was a kid once too,

and, and, and they need help.

And the more that we help them get help

we help children, right?

Right, right?

So I think that it would be cathartic

for you to um, learn a bit.

Um, listen to this.

It is a really beautiful piece.

This teenager's talking about when she discovered

that she was attracted to children.

It's really fascinating, it's on NPR.

We'll talk about it next week.

Klonopin.

Okay, well, that is all the time we have this week.

Um, you really talked my ear off.

I am not gonna be town for our next session,

but for the time being

I would like you to practice being more open, Ben.

Talk to your friends, talk to strangers,

just tell the world your story.

94 or 5 out at Newark International,

but that front's gonna come through tomorrow night.

And over the weekend it looks perfect.

- Couple of showers- - I was molested.

Upstate New York otherwise uh,

it's just gonna be dry, and cool, and crisp.

Cleveland 62, Buffalo 61 on Saturday.

Yeah, my ex was molested.

She always played the victim, every argument.

She was one the worst people I ever knew.

I don't wanna ugly cry,

no one's even here to see.

I love you, you know that?

I love you.

Why don't we go to Dave & Buster's

- do all the big kid stuff? - Yeah.

Okay, cool, we'll tell everyone you got molested,

- we'll get free drinks. - Yeah.

Yay.

♪ Can't claim to care, never been reluctant to share ♪

♪ Passing out pieces of me ♪

♪ Don't you know nothing comes free ♪

I didn't know what to do.

I couldn't tell anyone.

♪ Don't know has taken its toll on me ♪

And when I finally did no one believed me,

so I kept it as a secret for a really long time,

and until this day I still do.

♪ It's hard to believe what it's made ♪

So it was your stepdad.

I used to think about him every day,

then it was every other day.

Then I'd wake up drenched in sweat and not know why.

Growing up I'd clean things until my hands were raw.

I brushed my teeth until they bled.

The only thing that made me feel good was joke.

What's the difference between anal and oral?

What?

Oral makes your day, anal makes your whole week.

I had become such a clown

when I finally tried to tell someone they laughed.

It was 13 years inside of me.

I always thought if I ended up with a man

it would mean I lost.

Hey, you think this shirt's too small?

I should of worn the black one.

You look beautiful.

Oh, thanks.

- Hey, sweetie. - Hi.

This is Sam.

- Hi, Sam. - Hey, how's it going?

- Nice to meet you. - Nice to meet you.

I didn't get the, the memo.

Ah, yeah, good style.

What?

Oh, the shirts.

You're so handsome, my goodness.

Ben doesn't tell me tell you anything.

Hun, your new son is handsome.

I'm sure he loves you very much.

He must be proud.

Yeah.

Well, I wanna tell him.

Sometimes a parent knows, Sam, and they're waiting.

You know they, they love their children so much

but they hate to see them suffer,

and they're truly afraid of pushing them away.

If he really thinks in his heart that you're wrong

it's moments that like this

that'll make him rethink what's right.

I don't have the answers for you, hun,

but I'm so glad you and Benny have each other.

- Bye, Sam. - It was meeting you.

So nice to meet you.

- Bye. - Buh-bye, Ben.

- Bye. - Okay.

- Love you. - Love you too.

Oh, sorry for the mix up, Ben.

I had a morning.

Spilled all the soup into a Coinstar.

It doesn't want that.

But uh, you know like that magic coin machine, Ben,

we need to give our bodies what they want.

I'm still having problems like swallowing.

And sometimes when I run it's like uh,

I lose the connection with my body.

Oh, I see.

Like my toe, it's still numb.

Like it feels dead.

Yeah, that's all in the chart, bad throat, dead toe.

You got enough EpiPens?

It's gonna be great.

I'm excited.

So the, how many are gonna be there?

Six.

Six, hmm.

And uh, these are like your closest friends?

Yep.

And they're like around our age?

Look you don't have to go if you don't wanna go.

Of course I wanna go, of course I wanna go.

Okay, this means a lot to me.

Jesus.

Whoo, that scared me.

Whoa.

Sam, you okay?

- Yeah, I'm fine. - You okay, babe?

Don't touch me.

- Babe, babe. - Please.

God.

God, if I don't take a dump on someone's chest

by the end of the night I don't know what I am worth.

I can't right now.

Okay, give me a minute.

Where's Sam?

At home?

He's at work.

You two want a little second agenda.

Little yellow legal pad and some penmanship

if you know what I mean.

I got a, I got a bulletin board with dart.

Theresa, I'm really not in the mood today.

Oh.

I hope everything works out.

Tell mommy what's going on?

Come on.

Benny.

Ben.

Ben.

Hello.

Yeah, this is Ben.

Hey, Doc.

- Ben, hey. - Hey, hey.

So good phone call today, huh?

- I texted you. - Yeah.

You talked to Celia, right?

- Yeah. - Great.

Let's go back in though, let's go back in.

No, no need, we did all the tests, nothing came up.

You're good.

Yeah, but, Doc, you know I still have nausea, okay.

- I still get the headaches. - I understand,

- but you talked to Celia. - This doesn't come

- out of nowhere though. - You talked to Celia.

This doesn't come out of nowhere.

Doc, I had, I had red marks on my arms you saw that,

I couldn't invent that.

I'm not saying you did, Ben.

I'm just saying that you're fine.

You should enjoy that news.

Okay.

All right, Monday, Monday, you go home now I understand

but Monday I'll come back in okay, and we can just talk,

and we get to the bottom of it, okay?

Have you talked to your mother about this?

I can't tell you why you're feeling the way you feel,

I'm just a doctor.

- Hey. - Hey, how ya doing?

What's happening, old man?

Middle of the week, this is a surprise.

All right.

Can I sit down for a second?

Sure, come on.

You all right?

I put in extra Tang.

Tang doesn't go in Long Island iced tea, Ma.

It goes in mine.

- Cheers. - Cheers.

Mmm, delicious.

Long Island ice teas for astronauts.

It's crazy how everything's grown in, huh, Benny.

Little paradise.

You forget there was even a tree over there.

Look.

You wouldn't have remembered unless I told you.

Thanks for coming out and visiting your old momma.

She loves seeing her boy.

You hear them?

We haven't had a brood like this since.

'96.

Your dad didn't have his hernia.

I had a beautiful perm.

Cat was, uh '94, very good memory.

You know they say this batch is special.

I watched a "TED Talk".

They only come out every 17 years, so see,

yeah, you're right, '96.

Some think it's a survival mechanism.

The prime numbers prevent their predators

from knowing their patterns.

They live underground all their lives

and then one day they all come out,

climb up the big trees, spread their wings,

and play us their little songs, and we listen.

I just want you to know

that I love you and Sam so much, Benny.

You make me very happy.

I love you too, Ma.

Hey, how about you and your momma go to the beach tomorrow

like the old days, huh?

We'll go to Robert Moses, I'll buy you a snow cone.

I'll let you pee in the water.

It's a date.

It's a date?

It's a date.

Hey, Ma.

Yeah, Benny?

What is it, Ben?

I gotta tell you something.