Original subtitles

[MUSIC PLAYING]

ANNOUNCER: And now, DreamWorks' "The Penguins of Madagascar."

[MUSIC PLAYING]

-Hit it.

-Cute and cuddly, boys.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

-[YAWN]

-Waddle, waddle, dip.

Waddle, waddle, kick.

Spin.

-Slap a smile on that face, Private.

Rico, it's a waddle, not a strut.

-Dig it, baby.

-Feed the Penguins fish buckets are completely sold out,

Skipper.

-Let's give 'em a reason to toss that tuna, boys.

Converge.

-Eh, maybe the polar bear's got some new material.

-The polar bear?

Sure, he's the biggest carnivore on land.

But can he do this?

[MUSIC PLAYING]

-They're gone, Kowalski.

And that ain't gonna bring 'em back.

-[MUMBLING]

-This is even less than yesterday.

-Well, clearly the people have become

immune to our adorable antics.

I blame the internet, with it's plethora of cheap puppy videos.

-But-- but I need my fish!

-And you'll get your fish.

We just need to step up our cute and cuddly game.

Kowalski, options.

-I'd say this problem needs a fat serving

of cold, hard science.

-Yes, because nothing's cuter than science.

Fine.

Well, it hums.

I like that in a device.

-Well, that hum is the motion capture nodes,

tracking the subject's cuteness levels.

And I shall call it the Adorablizer.

-Humming and a name that ends in -izer.

Even I'm geekin' out.

-Now, let's check your natural irresistibility levels.

Do something, you know, cute.

-Blah.

-Yeah, OK.

That would be more acute psychosis.

-Let's embrace the obvious.

-Impressive.

Even without trying, you're at 48% cuteness.

-Yay.

-52%.

-52% cute is still 48% fail.

Now flap and hop for me.

Flap it like a pretty songbird.

-Cut waggle angle to 32 degrees.

-Go boom.

-Oh.

-Again!

-Oh!

SKIPPER: Doe eyes.

Now blink 'em.

Bat 'em.

Bat 'em like the babe.

-I can't push any cuter, Skipper.

-Dig deep, man.

What doesn't kill you only makes you more adorable!

[SIREN]

-Now, imagine a Lunacorn hugging a baby

duckling under a rainbow!

[SIREN]

KOWALSKI: We're red- lining, Skipper.

100% adorability!

-Cute mission accomplished.

Stand down.

Private?

Private?

Private!

Cut the cute!

-Skipper, what happened?

-Kowalski, talk to me.

-It appears Private has discovered some sort

of quantum hypercute, 132% adorability.

-Wow!

-Is that even possible?

-Scientifically, no.

-Way to stick it to science, Private.

Now let's go cute us up some fish.

-Hey!

-Steady.

And deploy hypercute!

-Aw!

-Oh!

-Wow.

-Uh, situation report?

Anyone?

-Eh.

JULIEN: Hey.

What's up, neighbor?

I was stopping by to permanently borrow your-- oh!

I saw nothing of this.

Maurice is the only witness.

Quick!

Silence him while I flee into hiding

at a Pennsylvania dairy farm.

-Relax, ring-tail.

I'm sure the people are fine.

See?

-Oh.

You have bemagicked them.

Tell me, who among you is the dark wizard?

-That guy.

-I was just trying this new little thing I can do.

You know, kind of a little--

-Oh, look how cute!

Too cute.

Too cute!

-Aw!

-Of course.

It's exactly what happened to the machine.

Their brains have overloaded from too

much penguin adorability.

-Finally.

The dream of 1,000 generations of penguins has come true.

We have weaponised cuteness.

-But Skipper, I can't go knocking people out willy-nilly

with a bat of the eyelashes.

-You totally can.

-If this power fell into the wrong hands,

it could be devastating.

Still, no sense letting all this fish go to waste, hmm?

-Fish!

-Ease that troubled conscience, Private.

What we have discovered this day is a weapon of last resort,

for only the most dire emergencies.

ALICE: What in the world?

-Emergency!

-Why am I smiling?

Aw.

-Oooh.

Effective.

Come on.

Let's do some more field tests.

-But you said it was only for dire emergencies.

-Let's not live in the past, Private.

Move out!

-Hey, yo, Bing.

You order those bananas to go?

-Never joke about the bananas.

-Fruit-jackers.

I'd say this looks like an emergency.

Emergency!

-Huh?

-Ha.

My eyes have seen through the lies of your pointy mouth.

You do have the magic.

And I demand to know your sorcerous secrets.

-Honestly, Julien, it's only--

-Trying to steal our classified cuteness secrets.

Emergency, Private!

-Couldn't we just talk this out?

-Emergency!

-Now hold on.

Aw.

-Anyone else lovin' this.

-Big time.

Woohoo!

-Settle down, kids.

Nap time.

-But I am not feeling the tired!

-Emergency!

[SCREAMS]

-I hardly think this qualifies as--

-Aw!

JULIEN: OK.

The magic seems to be coming from the little round penguin's

face.

Uh-oh.

The Skipper one has spotted me.

-What's he doing?

-He's pointing this way and saying

something that looks like "emergency."

Aw.

-Boys, this quantum hypercute weapon

is the dawn of a brand new day.

-Skipper, I'm really not comfortable with--

-Speaking of day, I'm pretty sure the zoo's now open.

Shouldn't we be in stealth mode?

-Why?

-[GASP]

-Emergency!

-Skipper.

-If we can hold the monopoly on this adorable technique--

emergency!

We could completely eliminate the zoo

crime rate in-- emergency!

less than six months, tops.

PRIVATE: Skipper.

I need to talk to--

-Hey, guys.

Guys, you'll never believe what I just saw over in the--

-Emergency!

-What?

How is Marlene an emergency?

-Private, I can smell a boring anecdote from 1.6 clicks away.

-But, but that's just--

JULIEN: Ha ha!

This is how I laugh in triumph because I have

puzzled out your wizarding trickery.

It's the cute one, right?

Well, guess what!

We have one of those guys too.

-Face race!

Ready?

-Now Mort!

Magic their faces with tiny cuteness!

You call that cute?

I've sneezed out cuter things than that.

-They're closing the cuteness gap, Skipper.

-Emergency!

Emergency.

Emergency.

Emergency!

-No.

-What?

-I won't do it.

Not now.

Not ever again.

-This is insubordination, soldier.

You really want this weapon to fall into the wrong hands?

-Don't you see, Skipper?

We are the wrong hands.

-Huh?

-We're already dropping the quantum

hypercute on our friends.

The world's flipped topsy-turvy.

And I'm the flipper.

-Gotcha!

-Private, slap yourself.

-No.

-Mmm.

-I can't even keep them in their habitat anymore!

I'm telling you, these birds need to be in higher security.

I'm calling Hoboken!

-Monster!

-You can't take them?

Really?

Well, what do you suggest?

There's a supermax zoo?

Hoboken?

Oh, Copenhagen!

SKIPPER: Denmark!

-Great!

Let me round up some shipping crates.

-Private, if ever a crisis called for cute force,

this is that crisis!

-No.

I swore I'd never lose my adorability as a weapon again.

And I meant it!

-Then you leave me no choice.

-Kowalski, you too?

I thought you agreed this was a dangerous weapon.

-Which is the best kind!

What good is a safe weapon?

-He has a point.

-Now, are you going to use your quantum cute on Alice?

Or do you want Rico to get cute on you?

-Let me at the cute!

-Neither.

-Engage blocky hamster ball pursuit.

-Kowalski, left flank!

Box him in and-- Submit, Private!

It's the only way.

-Never!

[MUSIC PLAYING]

You've taken something wonderful and twisted

it to your own selfish ends.

-Denmark, Private.

You know why I can't go back there.

-No, I don't.

You never told me.

GIRL: Oh my gosh.

Look at the penguins.

-They're like little penguin hamster balls.

That's the cutest thing I've ever seen.

GIRL: Aw.

MAN: They think they're people.

-You.

I don't know you got out again, but I've got a one-way crate

to Copenhagen with your names on it.

-Aw.

-Come on.

That doesn't even make any sense.

-Huh?

-Fine!

We'll keep the maniacs.

Ah, whatever!

-Yay!

-I can't believe it.

We weren't even trying.

Never underestimate the simple power

of penguin irresistability.

-You win, Private.

I guess you can put the quantum hypercute out of commission.

-Done.

-And may its intoxicating preciousness

never be seen again.

-Anything yet?

-Well, I'm feelin' kind of queasy.

[FART]

-I cuted!

[MUSIC PLAYING]

SKIPPER: And if you refer to Visual Aid number 422 stroke B,

you can plainly see another critical operation being

compromised by a certain group of zoo animals

who shall remain nameless.

-Lemurs.

[COUGH] It's the lemurs.

-And so I would like to formally make a motion that these

certain unspecified zoo animals--

-[COUGH] Lemurs.

-Totally the lemurs.

---be banned from obstructing any

and all future penguin operations.

JULIEN: Wait!

I motion to interrupt your motioning so that you can see

my own visualising aids, which clearly show that it was

actually a certain other group of zoo animals--

I'm not naming any names here.

-[COUGH] Penguins.

[COUGH] He means penguins.

---that were compromising a raging conga ski party.

-Uh, yeah.

Hi.

Is it absolutely necessary that you two have

the same exact argument at every single meeting?

-There must be some way the two of you could just work it out.

-That's exactly what I'm doing, by officially making a motion

that these certain unspecified animals--

-[COUGH] Lemur.

King Julien and the lemurs.

---be declared a hazard.

-And I am making my own motions, motioning that you

be officially declared the least fun person ever!

SKIPPER: Well, I motion that you be declared

unfit to call yourself a leader.

-And I motion that you are the one who is unfit.

And therefore, you must commence the shutting of your beak-hole.

SKIPPER: And I motion that you wouldn't

last a single day running my squad.

-And I motion that you admit that you would not

last even one single day as king!

-All in favor of Skipper and King Julien trading places

for one day and thus each gaining a greater

mutual respect, learning to appreciate

each other, blah, blah, blah, so on and so forth, say aye.

-Aye!

-Very well.

The motion carries.

Meeting adjourned.

-Wait.

What motion?

-Zoo people say what?

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Maurice, Mort, I command you to obey this smelly

waterbird as your king for the next 24 hours.

-Uh, OK.

-Or at least until he comes crying

to me for help like a little baby.

-Men, ring-tail is your commanding officer now.

I expect you to obey his every command for the next day.

-Aye aye, our once and future Skipper.

-Or until the humiliation of failure

causes him to crack, in which case,

mutiny is the obvious and welcome choice.

-Bleh.

-Good luck trying to be king.

You are going to be needing it.

-Luck is for leprechauns, ring-tail.

PRIVATE: Good morning, Commander Julien, sir.

Breakfast is served.

-Ah.

You're kidding, right?

I mean, this is some kind of army joke, right?

You're playing army funnies on the new guy, right?

-Delicious and nutritious, with just a tiny hint of mercury.

-Fish!

-Give it a try, King Ju-- Commander Julien, sir.

You might like it.

-Well, maybe just one tiny-- ugh!

[SCREAM] It's on my tongue!

Get it off my tongue!

Get it off!

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[SCREAM]

-Hmm.

That's funny.

Skipper eats four of those every morning.

-Oh, that is funny.

And do you know why?

Because any real leader guy would have five.

Serve them up!

-Fish!

Fish!

-Yeah.

That's right.

Keep 'em comin'.

And don't be stingy with the-- ow!

Aah!

Oh!

Get the smell off my tongue!

Please get it off!

Get it off!

-Attention, lemurs!

Fall in.

Maurice, report.

-Uh, report?

Report on what?

-Everything.

Give me mission status briefings for all

of your current lemur operations.

-Lemur what?

-We don't really do that here, King Skipper, sir.

-What does King Julien usually do

the first thing in the morning?

-Well, we would probably just be having breakfast.

-Perfect.

Operation Break the Fast has officially commenced.

Maurice, options.

-Fruit or fruit smoothie.

-Or mango!

-Which is also fruit.

-Oh.

-And that pretty much concludes the complete tour

of the HQ facility, King Julien, sir.

-Except, of course, the classified security areas.

-Classified areas, you are saying,

as in tippy-top secret areas?

-What?

Skipper said he was our commander.

-Yes.

And my first command is to command you to take me

to these tippy-top secret places.

-The elevator can be accessed through that control panel.

-Buttons!

-No, wait!

Not those!

-Stop!

-Those buttons control anti-intruder message--

and booby-- oh! [GROANING]

-This one's kinda sticking.

If I can't get it-- Yeah.

There we go.

That's what I'm talking about.

You see that?

I bet Skipper isn't doing nearly as bang-up a job

at playing me as I am at being him.

-Now what should I be doing?

-Well, King Julien would probably just

be plopped on his throne by now.

-That's it?

I need action.

There must be something ring-tail

does that I could do better.

-Feet!

Webbed.

Oh, that's new.

-This is when King Julien would kick him off.

-Seems cruel and excessive.

-Oh, yeah.

One time he kicked him to Burt's place.

-The pachyderm habitat?

Weak.

I bet I could hit 63rd and Lex.

Watch this.

Ye-ah!

[CRASH]

[CAR ALARM]

MAN: My car!

--[WHISTLE] My kingly self if in the zone.

-The high security sections are broken

down into subterranean levels 1 through 12.

JULIEN: Hmm.

Very nice.

Ay, ay, ay.

Which of the levels would be the most tippy-toppy secret then?

Would it be 11?

No, 12, right?

-Yup.

-Except, of course, for hidden level 13.

But that's so secretive-- what?

He's in charge now.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

-Those are my untested inventions.

Don't touch anything!

JULIEN: Toys!

-Good job, Private.

MARLENE: Hey, Mason.

So, any buzz on how the old swaperoo's working out?

-Hmm.

I say--

-[SNIFFS] Hold that thought.

That smell, like a sugar wind.

Could it be--

[MUSIC PLAYING]

-It is!

It's cotton candy.

It's cotton candy, in the park, K?

I saw it, K?

I smelled it.

And I want it.

We need to get Skipper on it right away.

-Yes.

That might be a bit of a problem.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

-Check out the booty.

Who's shakin'?

Who's quakin'?

Who is not fakin'?

-Wow.

What is that?

No school?

'Cause it ain't old school.

And it ain't new school.

But look what I found in your top secret

even you don't know what's down there level 13.

Freaky secret thingie.

-It's my sonic subparticle velocitizer.

And it's not a toy!

-Whoa!

-Wow!

-Oh, really?

Then why is it so much fun then?

-You let him on level 13?

-And I used your toothbrush.

MARLENE: Stop.

Enough.

Skipper, you have got a big, important mission.

-I do?

-Yes!

The cotton candy man is coming!

-Me?

Oh, no, no, no, no.

I'm king of the lemurs.

I think you need to see the penguin CO over there.

-Ha!

Do I look as cool as I feel with this thing?

Be honest.

-Please?

It's cotton-- it's cotton candy.

-Sure.

All ring-tail has to do is admit that he

is in no way leader material.

-In your dreams, flipper boy.

I shall lead this cotton candy mission myself!

Come on, boys.

-Oh, ho!

I'm not seeing a lot of pink sugary goodness in your future.

-Maybe not.

But if he does pull it off, that'll

make him a successful skipper.

-As king of the lemurs, I decree that ain't gonna happen.

The sugar express is about to leave the station.

Mort, you're on lookout.

Maurice, I need you to go bypass the electric circuit.

-I have no idea what you just said.

-He's crazy.

-It's no good.

I need--

-Kowalski, Private, Rico.

-Well, yes, but--

-No.

I mean here they come with King Julien.

And they're on pogo sticks?

JULIEN: Look out!

-Pogo sticks?

Why pogo sticks?

-I told him he could ask for options.

-Uh-oh.

[SCREAMS]

-Skipper, the wall!

-Kowalski, more options!

-The Velocitizer!

-Here, Mort.

Prepare for the kicking!

-Uh, let Skipper.

-Hi-ya!

[MUSIC PLAYING]

-You actually did it, ring-tail.

-Me?

What about that kingly kick?

I would say that you did it.

-You know, maybe there's something

to this whole kooky role reversal.

-And I motion that we officially ban you from leaving

your habitat between the hours of--

-And I am motioning that we officially ban your face!

-Or, you know, maybe not.

[MUSIC PLAYING]