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1
00:00:03,838 --> 00:00:06,090
(SOULFUL RandB MUSIC PLAYING)
2
00:00:44,754 --> 00:00:46,631
(BED SQUEAKING)
3
00:01:00,812 --> 00:01:01,854
Is he asleep yet?
4
00:01:01,980 --> 00:01:04,607
Yeah, I'll go put him to bed.
5
00:01:05,817 --> 00:01:07,068
(SIGHS)
6
00:01:07,944 --> 00:01:11,030
R. Kelly always
does the trick.
7
00:01:11,948 --> 00:01:15,159
I think Evan may be
developing a rash.
8
00:01:15,326 --> 00:01:17,495
You know, when you rub
the Aquaphor on his tush,
9
00:01:17,578 --> 00:01:19,080
you can't just
put it on his cheeks,
10
00:01:19,163 --> 00:01:21,249
you have to rub it
all over the anus, too.
11
00:01:21,332 --> 00:01:23,334
All over the anus, got it.
12
00:01:25,128 --> 00:01:27,046
I think I'm going
to take a bath, okay?
13
00:01:27,213 --> 00:01:29,882
Okay, babe.
Go for it.
14
00:01:30,925 --> 00:01:32,635
00:02:47,418
Evan, don't touch that!
38
00:02:47,585 --> 00:02:48,836
Don't...
39
00:02:50,588 --> 00:02:51,756
Daddy, boo-boo.
40
00:02:52,590 --> 00:02:53,758
What the...
41
00:02:54,801 --> 00:02:55,843
Oh, my God.
42
00:02:55,927 --> 00:02:57,553
Okay, don't move.
Stay here.
43
00:02:57,637 --> 00:02:59,389
Daddy needs
a Band-Aid.
44
00:03:00,264 --> 00:03:01,933
(MICHELLE MOANING)
45
00:03:04,268 --> 00:03:05,436
Michelle?
46
00:03:07,438 --> 00:03:08,439
Do you...
47
00:03:10,274 --> 00:03:12,068
Mommy, Daddy, are you okay?
48
00:03:18,491 --> 00:03:20,576
(UPBEAT POP MUSIC PLAYING)
49
00:03:44,016 --> 00:03:45,560
(PHONE RINGING)
50
00:03:46,477 --> 00:03:47,562
Jim Levenstein.
51
00:03:47,645 --> 00:03:49,981
They still haven't gotten
you an assistant yet, huh?
52
00:03:50,148 --> 00:03:52,775
Kev, I'm sorry, I've been
meaning to call you back.
53
00:03:52,942 --> 00:03:54,610
I've just been...
Busy?
54
00:03:54,777 --> 00:03:55,987
I get it.
55
00:03:56,154 --> 00:03:57,655
Look, I'll make
this quick, okay?
56
00:03:58,531 --> 00:04:00,825
The reunion, you in?
57
00:04:00,992 --> 00:04:02,785
Hold on, is that
really happening?
58
00:04:02,952 --> 00:04:04,328
Yeah, man, check your Facebook.
59
00:04:04,495 --> 00:04:06,247
Look, I know they missed
the ten-year by a couple,
60
00:04:06,330 --> 00:04:08,833
but, you know, seems like
people are actually going.
61
00:04:09,459 --> 00:04:11,169
Hey, hon.
Hey!
62
00:04:11,252 --> 00:04:13,296
Mmm. Dinner
smells great.
63
00:04:13,463 --> 00:04:14,422
Hey, Ellie.
64
00:04:14,505 --> 00:04:15,506
ELLIE: Hey, Jim
65
00:04:15,840 --> 00:04:17,675
Ooh, Bachelorette finale later.
66
00:04:18,342 --> 00:04:20,803
And don't forget, we still
have to watch Real Housewives.
67
00:04:20,970 --> 00:04:23,014
Yeah, how could I forget?
68
00:04:23,181 --> 00:04:25,141
Hey, Kev, you know who
my favorite housewife is?
69
00:04:26,017 --> 00:04:27,310
You.
70
00:04:27,477 --> 00:04:28,686
Very funny.
71
00:04:28,853 --> 00:04:33,024
Look, I love my wife, but I
need a weekend with the guys.
72
00:04:33,191 --> 00:04:36,235
Come on, we'll go a few days early.
No Stifler this time.
73
00:04:36,402 --> 00:04:39,030
Just you, me, Oz and Finch.
74
00:04:39,197 --> 00:04:40,823
Yeah, well,
good luck with that.
75
00:04:40,990 --> 00:04:43,659
I heard Finch's mom doesn't
even know where he is.
76
00:04:43,826 --> 00:04:44,911
And what about Oz?
77
00:04:44,994 --> 00:04:48,331
I mean, do you really think he would
come with all he has going on?
78
00:04:54,712 --> 00:04:56,881
And we're back
here on Sports View,
79
00:04:56,964 --> 00:05:00,384
with my special guest,
Chad Ochocinco.
80
00:05:00,551 --> 00:05:03,179
Chad, which college
football powerhouse
81
00:05:03,346 --> 00:05:06,098
is gonna have the most players
drafted in this year's draft?
82
00:05:06,265 --> 00:05:09,185
I'm gonna have to go with my
alma mater, the Oregon State.
83
00:05:09,352 --> 00:05:12,563
Come on, man! What are
you smoking, Ocho?
84
00:05:12,730 --> 00:05:14,482
You think I don't know
what I'm talking about?
85
00:05:14,565 --> 00:05:16,734
Do me a favor,
take a look at the tape.
86
00:05:16,901 --> 00:05:19,070
Hey, babe, I'm home!
87
00:05:19,237 --> 00:05:22,573
And that wraps it up for my
special guest, Chad Ochocinco.
88
00:05:22,740 --> 00:05:27,411
This is Chris Ostreicher reminding
you to play on, (IN FALSETTO) playa!
89
00:05:36,629 --> 00:05:38,047
Hey, Mia?
90
00:05:38,130 --> 00:05:39,507
(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)
91
00:05:39,590 --> 00:05:42,843
Oh, my gosh!
So funny. (LAUGHING)
92
00:05:45,096 --> 00:05:46,973
Oh, hey, baby!
93
00:05:47,557 --> 00:05:48,599
Hi!
94
00:05:48,766 --> 00:05:50,643
I was just watching
your show a minute ago.
95
00:05:50,726 --> 00:05:51,769
Oh, yeah?
96
00:05:51,936 --> 00:05:53,020
Is everything okay?
97
00:05:53,187 --> 00:05:55,940
You tell me. You're in the
hot tub with another dude.
98
00:05:56,107 --> 00:05:57,441
You are worried about Deshaun?
99
00:05:57,900 --> 00:05:59,777
Aw, that is so cute!
100
00:05:59,944 --> 00:06:02,905
Deshaun's the interior
decorator I told you about.
101
00:06:03,072 --> 00:06:04,532
Hey, Christopher!
102
00:06:04,699 --> 00:06:06,951
Strip down!
Come join us.
103
00:06:07,577 --> 00:06:10,413
Maybe next time, Deshaun.
104
00:06:13,249 --> 00:06:15,918
I still don't get why we
need an interior decorator.
105
00:06:16,085 --> 00:06:19,213
Because the place needs to look
perfect for the InStyle shoot.
106
00:06:19,380 --> 00:06:20,965
Babe, trust me.
107
00:06:21,132 --> 00:06:23,509
Remember how you didn't wanna go
on Celebrity Dance Off at first?
108
00:06:23,926 --> 00:06:25,886
Now think of all
the fans you have.
109
00:06:26,053 --> 00:06:30,725
Oh! I almost forgot, Mario Lopez
is having a Memorial Day party.
110
00:06:31,475 --> 00:06:32,727
I told him we're in.
111
00:06:32,810 --> 00:06:36,564
00:08:10,491
"Oh, I am the best."
"Yes, you are the..."
143
00:08:10,658 --> 00:08:13,786
"You know, I love you so much that I'm
going to just have some fun down here."
144
00:08:13,869 --> 00:08:15,246
"Oh, yeah, yeah..."
145
00:08:15,287 --> 00:08:17,665
What the hell are you doing?
Jesus Christ!
146
00:08:17,915 --> 00:08:21,043
Shit, sorry, Mr. Duraiswamy
It's... I was just...
147
00:08:21,168 --> 00:08:22,169
Huh? That's good,
it's all clean.
148
00:08:22,753 --> 00:08:25,005
I told you to print out the morning
numbers and put them on my desk,
149
00:08:25,089 --> 00:08:26,632
and you're making
yourself at home?
150
00:08:26,757 --> 00:08:28,551
No, I just thought...
(MOCKING) "I just thought..."
151
00:08:28,884 --> 00:08:31,095
I don't pay you to think.
You are a temp.
152
00:08:31,554 --> 00:08:34,432
Yeah, about that. I feel like I'm
being way underutilized here.
153
00:08:35,558 --> 00:08:36,851
Oh, you do, do you?
154
00:08:37,059 --> 00:08:38,936
Thank you for telling
me how you feel.
155
00:08:39,103 --> 00:08:40,729
Do you mind if I
tell you how I feel?
156
00:08:41,564 --> 00:08:44,942
I feel the sooner you realize
that you're the bitch,
157
00:08:45,776 --> 00:08:47,027
not the boss,
158
00:08:48,737 --> 00:08:50,406
(WHISPERING) the better
off you will be.
159
00:08:51,240 --> 00:08:52,825
(WHISPERS) Fucker.
What was that?
160
00:08:52,992 --> 00:08:54,118
Nothing!
161
00:08:54,201 --> 00:08:56,412
Nothing, Mr. Duraiswamy.
162
00:08:56,912 --> 00:08:58,247
(LOUDLY) Fucker!
163
00:08:58,330 --> 00:09:00,541
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO)
164
00:09:05,379 --> 00:09:09,175
You know, we still haven't
discussed the whole
165
00:09:10,342 --> 00:09:11,552
bathtub incident.
166
00:09:11,635 --> 00:09:13,721
Huh? Oh, that?
That's...
167
00:09:14,388 --> 00:09:16,056
That...
Don't worry about that.
168
00:09:17,558 --> 00:09:19,977
Well, I mean,
you know, obviously,
169
00:09:20,060 --> 00:09:22,688
I would prefer it
if I was the one
170
00:09:22,771 --> 00:09:25,024
that made you
feel that way, but...
171
00:09:25,441 --> 00:09:26,692
I know how you feel.
172
00:09:27,109 --> 00:09:30,863
Every time I want to shop online
and I start typing "Amazon,"
173
00:09:31,030 --> 00:09:35,534
"amazingcollegesluts.com"
pops up.
174
00:09:36,660 --> 00:09:38,454
Amazing what?
175
00:09:39,163 --> 00:09:41,916
Okay, look, obviously
176
00:09:43,626 --> 00:09:47,588
we need to have
more fun together.
177
00:09:47,755 --> 00:09:49,548
I promise you, this weekend,
178
00:09:49,715 --> 00:09:54,053
there is going to be plenty of
Jim and Michelle time, okay?
179
00:10:01,894 --> 00:10:02,978
Hey!
180
00:10:03,062 --> 00:10:04,104
Hello, sweetheart.
181
00:10:04,188 --> 00:10:05,523
How are you?
Oh!
182
00:10:05,648 --> 00:10:07,233
It's so good to see you.
JIM: Hey, Dad.
183
00:10:07,441 --> 00:10:09,109
Hello, son!
Come here.
184
00:10:09,193 --> 00:10:11,695
Hi! Hi!
185
00:10:11,779 --> 00:10:13,739
LEVENSTEIN: Oh, no!
Look who that is!
186
00:10:13,822 --> 00:10:17,451
Look at this big bruiser!
Oh, my goodness!
187
00:10:17,618 --> 00:10:20,204
He has grown. LEVENSTEIN:
Look at him! Huh?
188
00:10:20,871 --> 00:10:23,791
Someone's got
a little poopy diaper.
189
00:10:24,833 --> 00:10:26,585
(PUNK MUSIC BLARING)
190
00:10:36,679 --> 00:10:38,347
(CAR HORN HONKING)
191
00:10:56,031 --> 00:10:57,032
Jim?
192
00:11:01,495 --> 00:11:03,539
I can't believe it's you.
193
00:11:05,332 --> 00:11:06,875
You don't remember me, do you?
194
00:11:07,251 --> 00:11:10,379
Uh...
Remember Teletubby Tuesdays?
195
00:11:11,672 --> 00:11:12,923
Kara?
196
00:11:13,591 --> 00:11:14,758
Oh, my God.
197
00:11:15,009 --> 00:11:19,430
What? You're not
a kid any more.
198
00:11:19,597 --> 00:11:22,057
It's been a long time since
I needed a babysitter.
199
00:11:22,224 --> 00:11:26,103
I can't believe how
much you've grown up.
200
00:11:26,270 --> 00:11:27,313
Thanks!
201
00:11:27,396 --> 00:11:29,398
It's actually my 18th
birthday tomorrow.
202
00:11:29,565 --> 00:11:30,566
Eighteen, wow.
203
00:11:30,691 --> 00:11:32,234
You should come to my party.
204
00:11:32,318 --> 00:11:33,319
Oh, uh...
205
00:11:33,444 --> 00:11:35,571
Thank you, no. I... Yeah,
that might be difficult.
206
00:11:35,654 --> 00:11:37,531
Please, I want you
to come so bad.
207
00:11:39,783 --> 00:11:42,119
Hey, Kara!
We gotta go.
208
00:11:42,453 --> 00:11:44,455
Okay, relax.
209
00:11:45,080 --> 00:11:47,374
That's AJ. Don't ask.
210
00:11:47,541 --> 00:11:49,543
Hopefully I will
see you tomorrow.
211
00:11:50,210 --> 00:11:52,129
What?
AJ: Who the fuck was that?
212
00:11:53,881 --> 00:11:54,882
Hey, sweetie.
213
00:11:54,965 --> 00:11:55,966
Hey.
214
00:11:56,133 --> 00:11:57,217
Who were you talking to?
215
00:11:57,301 --> 00:11:59,803
That was just
the kid next door.
216
00:12:04,642 --> 00:12:05,851
00:18:01,790
JIM: What?
00:18:59,347
Talk about an ugly duckling
turning into a swan, right?
366
00:19:00,974 --> 00:19:02,350
Let me see that.
367
00:19:04,019 --> 00:19:08,773
Oh! Fingered her,
hairy nips, huge boobs.
368
00:19:10,066 --> 00:19:11,443
Oh. (MOANS)
369
00:19:12,027 --> 00:19:13,612
There she is!
370
00:19:14,237 --> 00:19:15,739
The créme de my cock.
371
00:19:16,448 --> 00:19:17,574
Blowjob Lipstein.
372
00:19:17,782 --> 00:19:21,077
Her given name
was Loni, Stifler.
373
00:19:21,244 --> 00:19:23,955
She used to call me Big Stiffy.
374
00:19:25,665 --> 00:19:27,959
She was the mouth
that got away.
375
00:19:28,126 --> 00:19:29,169
Last call!
376
00:19:29,336 --> 00:19:32,464
Already?
Wait here, guys.
377
00:19:33,340 --> 00:19:35,926
Oh! Man,
the Senior Wish List.
378
00:19:36,593 --> 00:19:38,053
Wish List?
I don't remember that.
379
00:19:38,136 --> 00:19:40,847
Oh, yeah, man. It's that
cheesy page in the yearbook
380
00:19:40,931 --> 00:19:43,058
where we all had to write
wishes about our future.
381
00:19:43,141 --> 00:19:46,019
What, did you write something cheesy?
Let's see.
382
00:19:46,186 --> 00:19:50,941
"Chris Ostreicher. Hopes to
coach his son's lacrosse team."
383
00:19:51,024 --> 00:19:53,235
Oh! Isn't that the
sweetest thing?
384
00:19:53,318 --> 00:19:54,528
Well,
385
00:19:55,570 --> 00:19:57,739
I guess I thought
I'd have a family by now.
386
00:19:57,822 --> 00:19:59,115
All right, you wanna hear
what you wrote, Finch?
387
00:19:59,199 --> 00:20:00,283
FINCH: I do.
388
00:20:00,450 --> 00:20:04,246
"Paul Finch hopes to
find le grand amour."
389
00:20:05,163 --> 00:20:06,540
Yes, true love.
390
00:20:07,332 --> 00:20:11,253
Alas, I have yet to find what you
would call a real relationship.
391
00:20:11,419 --> 00:20:14,047
Right, because banging
Stifler's mom didn't count.
392
00:20:15,590 --> 00:20:17,259
OZ: All right, let's see
what you got, Kev.
393
00:20:17,425 --> 00:20:20,845
"Kevin Myers. Hopes to
still be living it up"
394
00:20:21,012 --> 00:20:24,099
"with the amazing
Vicky Lathum."
395
00:20:24,266 --> 00:20:25,559
Oh, man! Vicky! What?
396
00:20:25,725 --> 00:20:28,019
I am sure your wife would
be very happy to read that.
397
00:20:28,186 --> 00:20:30,939
What? I was dating
Vicky at the time.
398
00:20:31,356 --> 00:20:32,440
Let me see what I put.
399
00:20:34,276 --> 00:20:35,902
"Jim Levenstein"
400
00:20:41,992 --> 00:20:45,078
"hopes to have the
sex life of Ricky Martin."
401
00:20:47,664 --> 00:20:50,917
So, I'm assuming you didn't
know he was gay back then.
402
00:20:51,126 --> 00:20:52,669
Jim, it's a good thing
you found a woman
403
00:20:52,752 --> 00:20:54,588
with the sex drive
of a dozen groupies. Hmm?
404
00:20:55,005 --> 00:20:57,007
I mean, you're probably having
more sex than any of us.
405
00:20:58,508 --> 00:21:00,343
Probably, you know.
406
00:21:00,510 --> 00:21:03,513
Hope you guys are thirsty.
Stifler Claus is here.
407
00:21:03,680 --> 00:21:06,266
Whoa! Stifler, that's a little
too much, don't you think?
408
00:21:06,433 --> 00:21:08,518
Dude, find your balls
and return them to your sack.
409
00:21:09,144 --> 00:21:10,687
I say we keep this party going.
410
00:21:10,770 --> 00:21:12,689
I say we make this
weekend our bitch.
411
00:21:13,106 --> 00:21:16,318
We could party together, do all the
same shit that we used to do together.
412
00:21:16,484 --> 00:21:17,819
It'll be just like old times.
413
00:21:17,986 --> 00:21:20,655
Hell yes!
That's why I'm here.
414
00:21:20,822 --> 00:21:23,325
No Bachelorette,
no Real Housewives.
415
00:21:23,491 --> 00:21:27,037
Thing is, you only get one
chance at your 13th reunion.
416
00:21:29,831 --> 00:21:32,584
I was kind of hoping to spend
a little time with the wife.
417
00:21:32,709 --> 00:21:33,710
Fuck!
Dude!
418
00:21:33,793 --> 00:21:36,171
James?
What? Come on!
419
00:21:36,671 --> 00:21:39,007
I mean, I'm in. Of course I'm in.
Come on, what?
420
00:21:39,174 --> 00:21:40,175
Yeah!
Yeah.
421
00:21:40,383 --> 00:21:43,928
Then, gentlemen, I hope you're
all wearing protection,
422
00:21:44,095 --> 00:21:46,139
because this weekend,
we're gonna fuck shit up!
423
00:21:46,931 --> 00:21:47,974
JIM: Cheers!
OZ: Yeah! All right!
424
00:21:50,352 --> 00:21:52,020
(DOORBELL RINGING)
425
00:21:52,896 --> 00:21:54,439
(GROANS SOFTLY)
426
00:22:08,828 --> 00:22:10,622
What the fuck?
427
00:22:12,207 --> 00:22:14,167
Holy shit.
428
00:22:16,920 --> 00:22:17,921
(BOTH GIGGLING)
429
00:22:18,380 --> 00:22:19,672
Hey!
430
00:22:19,839 --> 00:22:21,257
Hi.
431
00:22:22,592 --> 00:22:23,676
What happened?
432
00:22:24,886 --> 00:22:28,431
(STUTTERING)
I don't really remember.
433
00:22:28,598 --> 00:22:32,519
I blame you. How much did you
let him drink last night?
434
00:22:32,685 --> 00:22:35,397
SELENA: Honestly,
not that much.
435
00:22:35,563 --> 00:22:38,775
Well, we gotta clean this up
before we go to the lake.
436
00:22:38,942 --> 00:22:42,028
What? The lake?
437
00:22:42,737 --> 00:22:45,281
Yeah, the lake, dude.
It was your idea.
438
00:22:45,407 --> 00:22:47,992
We discussed
all this last night.
439
00:22:48,159 --> 00:22:50,370
Oh, the lake!
Yes, of course, the...
440
00:22:50,537 --> 00:22:52,747
Hey, Jim, can you hand me
those paper towels, please?
441
00:22:55,875 --> 00:22:58,461
Oh, those paper towels?
The paper ones.
442
00:22:59,462 --> 00:23:00,547
Uh...
443
00:23:01,923 --> 00:23:03,383
The paper towels, Jim.
444
00:23:04,050 --> 00:23:05,468
Jim!
Yeah...
445
00:23:05,552 --> 00:23:07,011
The paper towels!
446
00:23:08,054 --> 00:23:09,264
(GASPS)
447
00:23:13,101 --> 00:23:15,478
I'm really sorry.
448
00:23:15,645 --> 00:23:20,525
Jim, you do realize that
the lid is see-through, right?
449
00:23:23,486 --> 00:23:25,155
Oh, wow.
450
00:23:28,032 --> 00:23:29,576
Good eye.
451
00:23:30,994 --> 00:23:33,163
That's the father of my child.
452
00:23:37,667 --> 00:23:39,169
(WHOOPING)
453
00:23:47,677 --> 00:23:49,137
Oh, come on!
454
00:23:49,220 --> 00:23:51,723
Hey, watch it!
Okay, jeez.
455
00:23:52,891 --> 00:23:55,435
Am I wrong, or was this place a lot
more fun when we were younger?
456
00:23:55,602 --> 00:23:58,771
No, no. I think it's the same.
We're just old now.
457
00:23:59,981 --> 00:24:03,151
But were we just as obnoxious
as these kids back in the day?
458
00:24:03,318 --> 00:24:04,486
No.
459
00:24:05,111 --> 00:24:07,322
Us, our generation,
we were more mature.
460
00:24:07,489 --> 00:24:09,157
Hey, guys, check it out.
461
00:24:10,283 --> 00:24:11,659
Vagina shark!
462
00:24:14,204 --> 00:24:15,205
(SCREAMING)
463
00:24:15,288 --> 00:24:16,581
He touched my snatch!
464
00:24:17,081 --> 00:24:18,833
I take that back.
465
00:24:27,133 --> 00:24:29,260
00:26:51,736
(LAUGHS)
521
00:26:51,819 --> 00:26:54,781
Hey, kid! What do you
think you're doing?
522
00:26:54,947 --> 00:26:57,533
Hey!
Come on, come on, let's go!
523
00:26:57,700 --> 00:26:59,827
Come on, guys. Not cool!
524
00:27:00,453 --> 00:27:02,955
What're you assholes gonna do about it?
(BOYS SNICKERING)
525
00:27:04,707 --> 00:27:06,125
(EXCLAIMING)
526
00:27:11,881 --> 00:27:14,133
Well, that was interesting.
527
00:27:14,300 --> 00:27:15,677
Well, should we do something?
528
00:27:16,052 --> 00:27:17,136
What are we gonna do?
Come on.
529
00:27:17,220 --> 00:27:20,390
Agreed. There's no need
to stoop to their level.
530
00:27:20,556 --> 00:27:21,974
Fuck that!
531
00:27:22,141 --> 00:27:24,060
I know exactly
where they're going.
532
00:27:27,146 --> 00:27:28,356
Stifler?
533
00:27:29,190 --> 00:27:31,317
(HEAVY METAL MUSIC BLARING)
534
00:27:45,790 --> 00:27:46,833
(SIGHS)
535
00:27:46,916 --> 00:27:48,418
JIM: Where the
hell is he?
536
00:27:48,584 --> 00:27:49,919
Guys, this is stupid.
537
00:27:50,086 --> 00:27:52,213
I really can't keep Michelle waiting.
Can we just head back?
538
00:27:52,380 --> 00:27:54,257
Hold on.
Let Stifler do his thing.
539
00:27:54,424 --> 00:27:56,509
Yeah, that's what
I'm afraid of.
540
00:28:04,100 --> 00:28:05,727
Did you guys see
the look on their faces?
541
00:28:05,893 --> 00:28:06,936
Fucking awesome.
542
00:28:07,103 --> 00:28:08,563
BO: He is crazy.
543
00:28:10,106 --> 00:28:12,859
I think one of those guys
was Kara's babysitter.
544
00:28:12,942 --> 00:28:14,026
Which one?
545
00:28:14,110 --> 00:28:16,404
You know, the one that
looked like Adam Sandler.
546
00:28:16,487 --> 00:28:18,030
(BOYS LAUGHING)
547
00:28:23,911 --> 00:28:26,122
JIM: Stifler better not
do anything crazy.
548
00:28:26,289 --> 00:28:27,915
All he's gonna do
is tell them off.
549
00:28:28,082 --> 00:28:29,876
I thought he was gonna
cut their jet skis free.
550
00:28:30,042 --> 00:28:31,586
What happened to pissing
in their suntan lotion?
551
00:28:31,753 --> 00:28:34,213
Hold on. He told me he was
going to steal their beer.
552
00:28:35,423 --> 00:28:36,466
(SIGHING) Stifler.
553
00:28:47,768 --> 00:28:50,354
KEVIN: Oh, wait.
There he is.
554
00:28:50,438 --> 00:28:51,564
OZ: All right.
555
00:28:51,647 --> 00:28:53,941
JIM: Yep, he's
taking their beer.
556
00:28:54,275 --> 00:28:56,277
All right, hurry up,
Stifler. Come on.
557
00:28:57,278 --> 00:28:59,489
What is he doing?
558
00:28:59,614 --> 00:29:01,073
OZ: Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
JIM: Wait.
559
00:29:01,157 --> 00:29:02,783
Oh, God!
KEVIN: Oh, my God.
560
00:29:02,909 --> 00:29:04,076
Steven!
No!
561
00:29:04,160 --> 00:29:05,161
Oh, God.
562
00:29:05,411 --> 00:29:07,330
Yo, so you really think Kara's
gonna give it up tonight?
563
00:29:07,497 --> 00:29:09,415
00:29:32,355
Hurry up. Come on!
575
00:29:33,356 --> 00:29:34,607
BO: Down it, man!
Just chug it! Chug it!
576
00:29:34,690 --> 00:29:36,692
Do it. Do it!
Don't puss out.
577
00:29:36,859 --> 00:29:38,361
Don't puss out!
578
00:29:38,444 --> 00:29:39,445
Let's just go.
Let's go.
579
00:29:39,529 --> 00:29:40,530
Go, go. Go, go, go, go. Go, go.
580
00:29:42,365 --> 00:29:43,699
You want another?
581
00:29:43,866 --> 00:29:44,867
For sure.
582
00:29:46,327 --> 00:29:49,622
Guys, I'm telling you, tonight is gonna
be the night she promised me a year ago.
583
00:29:56,504 --> 00:29:57,797
What the...
584
00:29:58,881 --> 00:30:00,216
Hey! Dipshit!
585
00:30:09,642 --> 00:30:10,726
No!
586
00:30:11,644 --> 00:30:13,229
No no!
587
00:30:14,772 --> 00:30:15,982
(LOUD CRASHING)
588
00:30:17,650 --> 00:30:19,569
Stifler!
Are you crazy?
589
00:30:19,860 --> 00:30:23,155
Jesus, Stifler, what happened
to just stealing their beer?
590
00:30:23,322 --> 00:30:25,241
I know, this is so
much better, right?
591
00:30:25,408 --> 00:30:27,201
What?
(LAUGHS)
592
00:30:27,410 --> 00:30:29,245
JIM: You destroyed
their jet skis.
593
00:30:29,412 --> 00:30:31,414
They splashed us.
594
00:30:32,415 --> 00:30:33,416
So...
595
00:30:39,213 --> 00:30:40,673
Come on, guys.
That was pretty funny.
596
00:30:40,840 --> 00:30:43,676
Maybe in high school it was funny.
Now it's just a felony.
597
00:30:43,843 --> 00:30:45,011
Only if we get caught
598
00:30:45,094 --> 00:30:47,847
Yeah, you gotta admit, it was nice
giving those kids a little payback.
599
00:30:48,014 --> 00:30:50,016
Maybe it was good that they will
learn to respect their elders.
600
00:30:50,182 --> 00:30:51,392
Exactly!
601
00:30:51,559 --> 00:30:54,228
Hey, give me a second, I gotta
find some toilet paper.
602
00:30:54,395 --> 00:30:55,605
That's gross.
603
00:30:56,522 --> 00:30:57,982
VICKY: What's up,
Class of '99-ers?
604
00:30:58,149 --> 00:31:00,109
Oh, my God! Vicky!
605
00:31:00,192 --> 00:31:01,193
Hi!
606
00:31:01,277 --> 00:31:02,278
Hey!
607
00:31:02,445 --> 00:31:03,613
I can't believe you're here.
608
00:31:03,696 --> 00:31:05,281
Yeah, I flew in from
New York last night.
609
00:31:05,448 --> 00:31:06,907
I've been hanging
outwith my parents.
610
00:31:07,074 --> 00:31:09,118
They were actually just
talking about you earlier.
611
00:31:09,285 --> 00:31:10,828
Really? About what?
612
00:31:10,995 --> 00:31:13,456
That time they caught us
making out at the Falls.
613
00:31:13,623 --> 00:31:15,041
Oh, right.
614
00:31:15,124 --> 00:31:18,085
The Falls. Wow, I haven't
been there in forever.
615
00:31:18,252 --> 00:31:20,296
Michelle used to love
going to the Falls.
616
00:31:20,463 --> 00:31:21,797
The place is romance incarnate.
617
00:31:22,214 --> 00:31:25,134
Hell, yeah. I got my first
rim job at the Falls.
618
00:31:25,301 --> 00:31:26,427
Okay.
619
00:31:28,304 --> 00:31:29,305
Hey, sweetie.
620
00:31:29,388 --> 00:31:30,389
Mmm, sweetie pie!
621
00:31:30,640 --> 00:31:31,682
Hello.
622
00:31:32,516 --> 00:31:36,562
So, the guys were all talking
about heading over to the Falls.
623
00:31:36,687 --> 00:31:39,774
Well, what about
Jim and Michelle time?
624
00:31:39,857 --> 00:31:42,151
I was thinking it could
be kind of romantic.
625
00:31:42,318 --> 00:31:45,863
Well, I'd love to, but your
dad has been with Ev all day.
626
00:31:45,946 --> 00:31:47,698
Yeah, no, you're right.
627
00:31:47,865 --> 00:31:49,867
Okay. Yeah, we'll
just, we'll go home.
628
00:31:50,034 --> 00:31:53,079
Oh, no, no.
You go and have fun.
629
00:31:53,162 --> 00:31:54,246
Really?
Yeah.
630
00:31:54,330 --> 00:31:57,917
Just, when you get home,
you just better be ready.
631
00:31:58,084 --> 00:31:59,627
You better be ready.
632
00:31:59,794 --> 00:32:01,337
I'm ready.
633
00:32:07,093 --> 00:32:10,638
Um, Stifler, do you know
where you're going?
634
00:32:10,805 --> 00:32:13,265
I know this place
like the back of my cock.
635
00:32:13,808 --> 00:32:15,267
(GIRLS SCREAMING)
636
00:32:15,351 --> 00:32:17,144
(DANCE MUSIC BLARING)
637
00:32:24,026 --> 00:32:26,237
It looks like
a high school party.
638
00:32:28,155 --> 00:32:29,532
With high school chicks.
639
00:32:31,534 --> 00:32:32,827
It's on.
640
00:32:32,993 --> 00:32:35,538
Watch it, Stifler. You know these
girls are, like, half your age.
641
00:32:35,705 --> 00:32:36,789
I know.
642
00:32:37,873 --> 00:32:38,874
00:33:21,959
Faster than a speeding stroller,
more powerful than a mini-van.
659
00:33:22,376 --> 00:33:23,377
(ALL LAUGHING)
660
00:33:23,461 --> 00:33:24,545
I told you he was funny.
661
00:33:24,712 --> 00:33:25,838
He's adorable.
662
00:33:25,921 --> 00:33:27,673
(FEIGNING LAUGHTER)
663
00:33:28,174 --> 00:33:30,092
Hey, Jim. Do you wanna
introduce me to your friends?
664
00:33:30,259 --> 00:33:31,260
No.
665
00:33:33,596 --> 00:33:35,014
Girls, this is Stifler.
666
00:33:36,098 --> 00:33:37,933
So, how do you know
my best friend Jim?
667
00:33:38,100 --> 00:33:39,810
Jim used to be my babysitter.
668
00:33:41,645 --> 00:33:43,689
Hey, I was just
gonna do a birthday shot.
669
00:33:43,773 --> 00:33:45,107
Do you guys
wanna do one with me?
670
00:33:45,191 --> 00:33:46,317
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
671
00:33:46,400 --> 00:33:47,401
Yeah. Oh, yeand
yes, yes.
672
00:33:47,526 --> 00:33:49,361
I shouldn't. Yes, we
should, yes, we should.
673
00:33:49,820 --> 00:33:53,824
Never have I ever
had sex in public.
674
00:33:58,871 --> 00:34:00,998
Really? None of you?
675
00:34:01,165 --> 00:34:03,793
Oh, come on, Heather.
You haven't drank once.
676
00:34:03,959 --> 00:34:05,503
You are such a prude!
677
00:34:05,669 --> 00:34:09,423
Or maybe I've just
never had sex in public.
678
00:34:10,257 --> 00:34:15,763
Okay, never have I
ever been in an orgy.
679
00:34:21,352 --> 00:34:23,270
They were really nice guys.
680
00:34:24,605 --> 00:34:27,149
Believe it or not, this is
my first high school party.
681
00:34:27,316 --> 00:34:28,776
You didn't miss much.
682
00:34:28,943 --> 00:34:33,489
I always preferred staying at
home, throwing on a little NPR.
683
00:34:33,656 --> 00:34:35,491
You were so much
cooler than me.
684
00:34:35,825 --> 00:34:39,578
I sat around writing
X-Files fan fiction.
685
00:34:42,122 --> 00:34:47,336
I translated The Brothers
Karamazov into Latin for fun.
686
00:34:48,420 --> 00:34:51,173
That is so sexy.
687
00:34:52,258 --> 00:34:53,676
You know it is.
688
00:34:53,926 --> 00:34:55,511
I've only been
working as an architect
689
00:34:55,594 --> 00:34:58,013
for the last few years,
and from home.
690
00:34:58,180 --> 00:35:00,057
You've been with the same
company for over ten years.
691
00:35:00,224 --> 00:35:02,476
That's awesome, it sounds like
everything is working out for you.
692
00:35:03,519 --> 00:35:05,938
Yeah. I mean, everything's
good, especially work-wise.
693
00:35:06,021 --> 00:35:07,523
But now that we're
back here in the town,
694
00:35:07,648 --> 00:35:09,149
and we see, like,
all of our old friends,
695
00:35:09,316 --> 00:35:11,861
and everyone's married
and having kids,
696
00:35:12,027 --> 00:35:14,947
it just makes me,
you know, think.
697
00:35:16,240 --> 00:35:17,283
(COUGHS)
698
00:35:17,366 --> 00:35:18,534
You okay there, Kev?
699
00:35:18,909 --> 00:35:22,204
Yeah, I just don't
normally drink like this.
700
00:35:22,371 --> 00:35:24,415
You're telling me you haven't
gotten a little bit tipsy
701
00:35:24,498 --> 00:35:25,916
on Myers Family Wine Night?
702
00:35:26,083 --> 00:35:29,128
I see somebody's been
stalking my Facebook page.
703
00:35:29,295 --> 00:35:31,672
At least I don't take
pictures of my meals.
704
00:35:31,839 --> 00:35:33,299
Who's stalking who now?
705
00:35:33,465 --> 00:35:36,802
Okay, so I've been by your
page maybe once or twice.
706
00:35:36,969 --> 00:35:40,222
You were dating someone
named Alessandro?
707
00:35:40,806 --> 00:35:44,059
You know, he does know that he can take
a picture with his shirt on, right?
708
00:35:44,226 --> 00:35:47,313
Alessandro is long gone.
709
00:35:49,398 --> 00:35:50,983
It's over, huh?
710
00:35:55,237 --> 00:35:57,239
Okay, after this drink,
I have to go home.
711
00:35:57,406 --> 00:35:58,365
Jim.
712
00:35:58,449 --> 00:36:02,286
There's a smoking hot 18-year-old girl
over there that you used to babysit.
713
00:36:02,453 --> 00:36:04,413
And you're not going to
do anything about that?
714
00:36:04,580 --> 00:36:06,665
Need I remind you that
I am married to Michelle?
715
00:36:06,749 --> 00:36:07,750
Exactly.
716
00:36:08,250 --> 00:36:13,631
Dude, these young chicks, they know
some crazy shit in the bedroom.
717
00:36:14,465 --> 00:36:17,009
You could take what
you learn from Kara,
718
00:36:17,176 --> 00:36:19,762
bring it home,
and apply it to Michelle.
719
00:36:20,596 --> 00:36:23,098
You do care about your
marriage, don't you, Jim?
720
00:36:23,265 --> 00:36:24,767
What are you talking
about, Stifler?
721
00:36:24,850 --> 00:36:27,019
I'm not gonna cheat on my wife!
722
00:36:27,186 --> 00:36:29,188
I'm a father
for Christ's sakes.
723
00:36:29,355 --> 00:36:31,357
Yeah, that's perfect.
724
00:36:31,523 --> 00:36:34,151
Yeah, chicks love a father figure.
Keep playing that card, dude.
725
00:36:34,318 --> 00:36:36,487
It's not a card,
it's the truth.
726
00:36:36,654 --> 00:36:38,030
Hey.
Hi.
727
00:36:38,113 --> 00:36:39,448
What are you guys
talking about?
728
00:36:39,531 --> 00:36:41,784
Oh, you know...
Just“
729
00:36:41,950 --> 00:36:45,371
Jim was just saying how much
fun he had taking care of you.
730
00:36:45,537 --> 00:36:48,165
Hey, ladies, why don't we give
them some time to catch up?
731
00:36:48,248 --> 00:36:49,416
Mmm-hmm.
Yeah, after you.
732
00:36:49,500 --> 00:36:51,794
No, that's not necessary. We
should all hang out together.
733
00:36:51,960 --> 00:36:53,545
Why don't we all...
Stifler, just...
734
00:36:53,629 --> 00:36:55,047
Be her daddy.
735
00:36:56,340 --> 00:36:58,133
Stifler? Stifler!
736
00:37:00,135 --> 00:37:05,140
So, sounds like you and Mia have
quite an adventurous lifestyle.
737
00:37:05,474 --> 00:37:07,726
Sometimes a little
too adventurous.
738
00:37:07,893 --> 00:37:12,398
Wow. Well, Heather's a bit
more on the conservative side.
739
00:37:12,481 --> 00:37:13,482
But, uh...
740
00:37:13,565 --> 00:37:14,983
Hey!
Hi.
741
00:37:16,193 --> 00:37:20,656
But, I gotta be honest, Chris, I
could use a little adventure myself.
742
00:37:21,156 --> 00:37:22,700
What are you getting at, Ron?
743
00:37:22,866 --> 00:37:27,579
I'm just saying that usually
I'm not one for swapping,
744
00:37:27,746 --> 00:37:33,001
but the fact that you've been with
Heather already, kind of makes it okay.
745
00:37:33,836 --> 00:37:36,588
So, what do you think?
746
00:37:37,923 --> 00:37:38,924
Think they'd be into it?
747
00:37:41,176 --> 00:37:42,720
I'm kidding.
Come on, I'm kidding!
748
00:37:43,011 --> 00:37:44,263
(LAUGHS)
749
00:37:44,346 --> 00:37:46,181
Seriously,
I would never do that!
750
00:37:47,516 --> 00:37:48,934
Unless you guys wanted to.
751
00:37:50,102 --> 00:37:52,855
So you've really been to every
country in South America?
752
00:37:53,021 --> 00:37:54,940
No, no, not all of them.
753
00:37:55,107 --> 00:37:58,193
And I don't consider
French Guiana a nation.
754
00:38:00,404 --> 00:38:03,198
I remember, I couldn't
wait till graduation
755
00:38:03,365 --> 00:38:06,285
so I could leave this town
and reinvent myself.
756
00:38:06,577 --> 00:38:09,163
You have certainly
reinvented yourself.
757
00:38:09,246 --> 00:38:10,330
I don't know.
758
00:38:10,414 --> 00:38:12,624
There's just a part of me
that still wishes that
759
00:38:12,708 --> 00:38:15,127
I could just explore
the world, you know?
760
00:38:15,294 --> 00:38:17,129
Be everything I set out to be.
761
00:38:17,588 --> 00:38:21,300
You can be whoever you wanna be.
You just gotta be it.
762
00:38:24,052 --> 00:38:25,304
You wanna make out?
Yeah.
763
00:38:29,391 --> 00:38:32,978
Are you crazy?
I love the Twilight books.
764
00:38:33,145 --> 00:38:34,897
New Moon is my favorite.
765
00:38:35,063 --> 00:38:36,064
Mine, too!
766
00:38:36,148 --> 00:38:38,776
Oh, my God! We have,
like, so much in common!
767
00:38:38,942 --> 00:38:40,152
I know!
I know!
768
00:38:40,235 --> 00:38:41,236
(ALL LAUGHING)
769
00:38:42,404 --> 00:38:43,572
Wanna hit this?
770
00:38:43,739 --> 00:38:45,407
In more ways than one.
771
00:38:50,496 --> 00:38:52,581
(WOMAN MOANING ON RINGTONE)
772
00:38:54,291 --> 00:38:57,461
(STIFLED) I don't know who this is, but
I'm pretty fucking busy right now.
773
00:38:57,628 --> 00:38:58,837
So sorry to interrupt, Stafler.
774
00:38:59,004 --> 00:39:01,131
Didn't realize the Special
Olympics competed at night.
775
00:39:01,298 --> 00:39:02,299
Oh, fuck.
776
00:39:02,508 --> 00:39:03,926
(COUGHING)
777
00:39:04,384 --> 00:39:05,344
What the hell's
going on over there?
778
00:39:05,427 --> 00:39:06,845
What, are you choking
on your own dick?
779
00:39:07,805 --> 00:39:10,849
Nothing, Mr. Duraiswamy,
nothing.
780
00:39:11,308 --> 00:39:12,684
What can I do for you, sir?
781
00:39:12,851 --> 00:39:14,686
Bob from Acquisitions
had a heart attack.
782
00:39:14,770 --> 00:39:16,522
Some idiot told him
that he was fired.
783
00:39:16,688 --> 00:39:17,898
He flipped out, I don't know.
784
00:39:18,065 --> 00:39:20,400
Listen, I need someone
to finish his presentation.
785
00:39:20,567 --> 00:39:23,320
I need you to go in on Sunday
and get everything ready. Yes?
786
00:39:23,487 --> 00:39:25,781
Oh, wait, Sunday.
787
00:39:25,948 --> 00:39:27,866
I got my high school reunion.
788
00:39:28,033 --> 00:39:29,159
Oh, wow, how fun!
789
00:39:29,243 --> 00:39:30,661
Yeah, no, I'll just
call the chairman,
790
00:39:30,744 --> 00:39:31,829
and I'll get him to reschedule.
791
00:39:31,995 --> 00:39:34,248
Seriously?
Hey, that would be awesome!
792
00:39:34,414 --> 00:39:37,793
That was a fucking joke, you moron.
Jesus Christ, what am I doing?
793
00:39:38,460 --> 00:39:40,754
You know what, I am gonna
handle this myself.
794
00:39:40,838 --> 00:39:43,715
No. No, no, no,
listen, Mr. Duraiswamy,
795
00:39:43,882 --> 00:39:46,593
I can do it, okay? I
promise, I'll get it done.
796
00:39:46,802 --> 00:39:48,303
Just don't fuck up, Stafler.
797
00:39:48,387 --> 00:39:50,931
It's Stifler.
(LINE DISCONNECTS)
798
00:39:51,098 --> 00:39:53,058
Dick! Hey, ladies...
799
00:39:53,475 --> 00:39:55,602
Ladies?
They bailed, dude.
800
00:39:55,769 --> 00:39:57,479
Aw, fuck!
801
00:39:59,648 --> 00:40:00,649
Ugh!
Um...
802
00:40:01,233 --> 00:40:02,484
Ooh! (LAUGHS)
803
00:40:02,568 --> 00:40:05,988
Hey, Kara, how are you
getting home tonight?
804
00:40:06,738 --> 00:40:08,824
AJ was supposed to
drive my car back,
805
00:40:08,991 --> 00:40:10,325
but he hasn't
even shown up yet.
806
00:40:10,492 --> 00:40:12,828
Some lame excuse
about his jet skis.
807
00:40:12,995 --> 00:40:14,663
Can you believe that jerk?
808
00:40:16,832 --> 00:40:18,333
What about you?
809
00:40:18,500 --> 00:40:19,668
Will you take me?
810
00:40:19,835 --> 00:40:22,045
Uh... Um...
811
00:40:22,671 --> 00:40:25,674
Come on! We're going
to the same place.
812
00:40:25,841 --> 00:40:27,759
Besides, it wouldn't
be responsible
813
00:40:27,843 --> 00:40:30,178
to let me drive
in this condition.
814
00:40:30,554 --> 00:40:31,597
Right?
815
00:40:35,851 --> 00:40:37,686
(POP MUSIC PLAYING
ON CAR STEREO)
816
00:40:37,769 --> 00:40:38,770
(WHOOPING)
817
00:40:38,896 --> 00:40:40,230
Okay, Kara.
818
00:40:40,856 --> 00:40:44,234
Hey! Whoa! Careful!
Careful. Yeah.
819
00:40:44,359 --> 00:40:46,069
Oh, my God, I love this song.
820
00:40:46,236 --> 00:40:47,279
It's a good one.
821
00:40:47,362 --> 00:40:48,906
Isn't classic rock the best?
822
00:40:49,072 --> 00:40:52,367
Classic rock? This
is classic rock now?
823
00:40:54,202 --> 00:40:56,413
Hey, you know, Kara, you
should drink some more water.
824
00:40:56,496 --> 00:40:58,040
Where's that bottle I gave you?
825
00:40:58,206 --> 00:41:00,125
Oh, it's right here.
Okay.
826
00:41:00,292 --> 00:41:02,377
In the back.
827
00:41:06,048 --> 00:41:07,633
(HORN HONKS)
(TIRES SQUEAL)
828
00:41:07,716 --> 00:41:11,386
Shit. Sorry. Sorry. There was a...
(CLEARS THROAT)
829
00:41:11,470 --> 00:41:15,474
There was a little baby
squirrel in the road, so...
830
00:41:15,641 --> 00:41:20,103
Whoa! Hey! Whoa!
That's not water. Okay.
831
00:41:20,270 --> 00:41:23,607
It's a little too much now.
832
00:41:23,774 --> 00:41:27,569
I love how, after all these years,
you're still taking care of me.
833
00:41:27,736 --> 00:41:30,697
Well, you know, a
babysitter's job never ends.
834
00:41:30,781 --> 00:41:33,992
(GIGGLING) You knew I always
had a crush on you, right?
835
00:41:34,076 --> 00:41:35,827
(ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING)
836
00:41:35,911 --> 00:41:37,245
(HESITANTLY) No.
837
00:41:38,288 --> 00:41:40,540
I want you to be my first.
838
00:41:42,167 --> 00:41:44,252
Your first?
839
00:41:44,419 --> 00:41:46,421
Oh, God. Okay. Um...
840
00:41:46,588 --> 00:41:48,632
Kara, listen. Um...
841
00:41:49,675 --> 00:41:54,137
A person's virginity is
something sacred, you know?
842
00:41:54,304 --> 00:41:55,806
You should save yourself
for someone special.
843
00:41:55,889 --> 00:41:56,932
You're special.
844
00:41:57,015 --> 00:42:00,477
No! Not special.
845
00:42:00,644 --> 00:42:02,771
You think?
I really...
846
00:42:03,146 --> 00:42:04,773
What are you doing?
847
00:42:04,940 --> 00:42:06,024
Hey, what are you doing?
848
00:42:06,191 --> 00:42:08,694
Come on. No one
will ever find out.
849
00:42:10,195 --> 00:42:12,114
I don't know.
I don't think...
850
00:42:12,280 --> 00:42:13,657
You don't think I'm pretty?
851
00:42:13,740 --> 00:42:18,537
Huh? Oh, no! You're very pretty, Kara.
You're very, very...
852
00:42:18,620 --> 00:42:20,372
Really?
Yes, very pretty.
853
00:42:20,455 --> 00:42:21,873
But I... Very pretty.
Thanks.
854
00:42:22,040 --> 00:42:23,458
Oh, my God!
855
00:42:23,625 --> 00:42:26,878
Holy shit! What?
856
00:42:27,129 --> 00:42:28,130
00:42:53,989
Shit. Kara?
872
00:42:54,656 --> 00:42:56,158
Holy Jesus! Kara?
873
00:42:56,324 --> 00:42:58,702
Kara! Kara!
Please wake up, Kara!
874
00:42:58,869 --> 00:43:00,537
Kara, wake up. Kara!
875
00:43:00,704 --> 00:43:01,705
Are you okay?
876
00:43:01,830 --> 00:43:02,914
Oh, Jesus, God!
877
00:43:02,998 --> 00:43:04,416
Oh, my God, are you all right?
878
00:43:05,042 --> 00:43:06,668
Hey, hi.
879
00:43:07,753 --> 00:43:09,838
Jim?
Hey!
880
00:43:10,005 --> 00:43:12,549
What? This is crazy!
881
00:43:12,758 --> 00:43:14,134
Are you all right?
882
00:43:14,217 --> 00:43:17,679
Huh? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah
I'm okay. I was just... Um...
883
00:43:17,846 --> 00:43:20,223
I was reaching for something.
884
00:43:20,390 --> 00:43:22,559
Everything's okay.
Everything's fine.
885
00:43:23,101 --> 00:43:24,436
I don't know if you've heard.
Mmm?
886
00:43:24,519 --> 00:43:25,520
Did you hear?
887
00:43:26,188 --> 00:43:28,774
I am in charge of the reunion.
888
00:43:28,940 --> 00:43:31,735
Oh! Yeah, no, that's...
Yeah, that's right.
889
00:43:31,902 --> 00:43:33,361
Got a whole '90s theme planned.
890
00:43:33,528 --> 00:43:35,280
Oh. That's...
891
00:43:35,447 --> 00:43:37,240
I booked Chumbawamba.
892
00:43:37,324 --> 00:43:39,367
Yeah. But the pricks
cancelled yesterday.
893
00:43:39,576 --> 00:43:42,370
Was a setback, but you know me,
894
00:43:42,579 --> 00:43:45,957
"I get knocked down but I
get up again." (CHUCKLES)
895
00:43:46,458 --> 00:43:47,626
(CHUCKLES)
896
00:43:47,709 --> 00:43:48,835
(MOANS GROGGILY)
897
00:43:48,919 --> 00:43:50,921
Oh, my God! Okay, I
see what's going on.
898
00:43:51,004 --> 00:43:52,005
(MOUTHING)
899
00:43:54,049 --> 00:43:55,133
(MOUTHING)
900
00:43:57,511 --> 00:43:58,678
Yep.
901
00:43:58,762 --> 00:43:59,888
I'll see you later, buddy.
902
00:44:00,055 --> 00:44:01,723
All right then, I'll see you.
903
00:44:04,226 --> 00:44:06,728
Jesus, God. Kara.
Kara, wake up.
904
00:44:06,895 --> 00:44:08,897
I just need a nap.
What?
905
00:44:09,064 --> 00:44:11,149
Kara, this isn't time
for a nap. Kara, wake up.
906
00:44:11,316 --> 00:44:12,609
This isn't napping time.
(SNORING)
907
00:44:13,068 --> 00:44:15,403
Kara? Shit.
908
00:44:20,492 --> 00:44:24,329
Oh, God, this is bad.
This is very, very bad.
909
00:44:35,799 --> 00:44:37,134
What took you guys so long?
910
00:44:37,300 --> 00:44:39,344
We were looking for Kevin.
Couldn't find him.
911
00:44:39,511 --> 00:44:42,973
Plus, that hot piece of ass Oz is banging
got wasted, so we had to drop her off.
912
00:44:43,140 --> 00:44:44,141
You brought him?
913
00:44:44,224 --> 00:44:45,392
Of course they brought me.
914
00:44:45,517 --> 00:44:47,060
When you guys were busy
jacking off in high school,
915
00:44:47,144 --> 00:44:49,104
I was running this
drill every weekend.
916
00:44:49,271 --> 00:44:51,189
Now, let's see what
we are dealing with.
917
00:44:53,775 --> 00:44:54,776
Oh!
918
00:44:55,110 --> 00:44:57,112
Holy shit!
919
00:44:57,279 --> 00:44:58,238
Way to go, Jim.
920
00:44:58,321 --> 00:45:01,491
Shh. Okay, nothing happened, Stifler.
Okay? Nothing happened.
921
00:45:01,658 --> 00:45:02,659
Stop that!
922
00:45:02,868 --> 00:45:03,910
I'm sorry.
923
00:45:03,994 --> 00:45:05,412
So, Jim, what do you wanna do?
924
00:45:05,495 --> 00:45:06,746
I don't know.
925
00:45:06,830 --> 00:45:08,623
I can't just leave her
here naked, you know?
926
00:45:08,790 --> 00:45:11,459
I mean, if the cops come by
and find out I'm involved,
927
00:45:12,294 --> 00:45:13,461
I'm screwed.
928
00:45:13,628 --> 00:45:15,505
That leaves us
with two options.
929
00:45:16,464 --> 00:45:18,133
We dump the body or
we sneak her inside.
930
00:45:18,300 --> 00:45:20,302
Dump the body?
This isn't a mob hit.
931
00:45:20,468 --> 00:45:21,678
Okay, wait a second.
932
00:45:21,845 --> 00:45:25,182
I have been in her house
a million times to babysit.
933
00:45:25,348 --> 00:45:28,393
I can totally sneak her in
through the back door.
934
00:45:28,560 --> 00:45:31,146
I need you guys to
distract her parents.
935
00:45:31,313 --> 00:45:33,023
Do you think you can do that?
(SCOFFS)
936
00:45:33,398 --> 00:45:37,485
I'm an expert, Jim.
Trust me. I got this shit.
937
00:45:39,404 --> 00:45:40,780
(DOORBELL RINGS)
938
00:45:44,993 --> 00:45:46,536
Good evening, sir.
939
00:45:46,703 --> 00:45:48,538
My friend's car broke down,
940
00:45:48,705 --> 00:45:52,167
and we were just wondering if we
could use your phone to call AAA.
941
00:45:53,001 --> 00:45:56,379
You mean to tell me that none
of you have cell phones?
942
00:46:02,510 --> 00:46:03,678
(GASPS)
943
00:46:04,221 --> 00:46:07,390
Oh, my God, I know you. You
were on Celebrity Dance Off.
944
00:46:07,557 --> 00:46:09,476
Oh, yeah!
945
00:46:09,559 --> 00:46:10,685
Ostreicher.
946
00:46:10,852 --> 00:46:12,062
Oh, yeah.
947
00:46:12,229 --> 00:46:13,355
Hey, come on in.
948
00:46:15,190 --> 00:46:16,775
That was very smooth, Stifler.
949
00:46:16,942 --> 00:46:18,193
Shut up, shitbreak.
950
00:46:18,360 --> 00:46:20,528
The last time I did this,
cell phones didn't exist.
951
00:46:22,489 --> 00:46:23,907
(DOOR SHUTS)
952
00:46:35,001 --> 00:46:36,002
(GASPING)
953
00:46:36,086 --> 00:46:37,212
Shit!
954
00:46:43,218 --> 00:46:44,427
Daddy.
955
00:46:46,096 --> 00:46:47,138
Look, Mom, Daddy!
956
00:46:47,222 --> 00:46:48,223
Shit!
957
00:47:01,653 --> 00:47:02,904
00:47:41,067
You were such a good dancer. I felt
so bad when you got voted off.
973
00:47:41,276 --> 00:47:42,319
Thank you.
974
00:47:42,485 --> 00:47:44,487
But I have to say you're
much sexier in person.
975
00:47:44,696 --> 00:47:48,658
Okay. Calm down
there, Susan.
976
00:47:49,451 --> 00:47:52,078
Dude, she wants to fuck
you big time, dude.
977
00:47:52,245 --> 00:47:54,414
You got to hit that.
No fucking way.
978
00:47:54,581 --> 00:47:55,832
Do it for Jim, dude,
don't be selfish.
979
00:47:56,291 --> 00:47:59,127
Hey, you know what? I think I
have to go to the bathroom.
980
00:48:00,003 --> 00:48:02,088
Kara, this is not funny.
981
00:48:02,297 --> 00:48:04,966
Kara, come on!
Kara, come out.
982
00:48:05,133 --> 00:48:06,343
Boo!
983
00:48:06,509 --> 00:48:07,802
Oh, my God!
984
00:48:09,637 --> 00:48:11,431
Come on.
Okay, good.
985
00:48:11,598 --> 00:48:13,266
You never could find me.
986
00:48:13,433 --> 00:48:16,144
Jim, I don't mean to alarm you
but you don't have much time.
987
00:48:16,311 --> 00:48:17,312
Yes, I know.
988
00:48:17,479 --> 00:48:18,813
I like your scarf.
Okay.
989
00:48:18,980 --> 00:48:20,648
I like your breasts.
Doon
990
00:48:20,815 --> 00:48:22,275
Would it be okay
if I get a picture?
991
00:48:22,442 --> 00:48:23,443
Sure.
992
00:48:27,947 --> 00:48:29,532
I know it's in here somewhere.
993
00:48:29,616 --> 00:48:31,326
(MOUTHING)
994
00:48:33,661 --> 00:48:35,622
Okay, a bottle of hair spray...
995
00:48:35,705 --> 00:48:36,748
You guys all right?
996
00:48:36,831 --> 00:48:38,166
Yeah. Yeah.
997
00:48:38,958 --> 00:48:40,001
You know something?
998
00:48:40,210 --> 00:48:45,006
I really was admiring how clean
your toilet was in your bathroom.
999
00:48:45,548 --> 00:48:46,674
Thanks.
1000
00:48:47,342 --> 00:48:49,511
You know what? I have to
use the restroom, too.
1001
00:48:49,677 --> 00:48:50,804
No, you don't.
1002
00:48:56,893 --> 00:48:57,894
(CLEARS THROAT)
1003
00:48:58,395 --> 00:48:59,521
Let's get in bed.
(GIGGLING)
1004
00:48:59,687 --> 00:49:00,730
Come on and get in bed with me?
1005
00:49:00,814 --> 00:49:01,940
No, I'm not getting in bed...
1006
00:49:02,023 --> 00:49:03,066
Come on.
Get in bed with me.
1007
00:49:03,191 --> 00:49:05,443
No, I'm not... Kara, please.
Oh, God. Please.
1008
00:49:05,527 --> 00:49:06,528
Oh, shit!
1009
00:49:07,695 --> 00:49:08,988
Stifler, what are
you doing here?
1010
00:49:09,155 --> 00:49:10,990
I just wanted another glimpse.
No.
1011
00:49:11,157 --> 00:49:12,575
Why'd you put her clothes
back on, dude? Boo.
1012
00:49:12,659 --> 00:49:13,868
You have to go.
1013
00:49:15,537 --> 00:49:16,746
What was that?
1014
00:49:16,871 --> 00:49:19,082
That sounded like
it came from outside.
1015
00:49:19,249 --> 00:49:21,084
No, that came from Kara's room.
1016
00:49:21,251 --> 00:49:22,335
Oh, Jesus.
1017
00:49:22,418 --> 00:49:23,419
KARA'S DAD: Kara?
1018
00:49:25,463 --> 00:49:26,464
Oh, my God.
1019
00:49:28,216 --> 00:49:29,425
Go, go, go!
1020
00:49:36,724 --> 00:49:38,101
What the hell's
going on in here?
1021
00:49:40,061 --> 00:49:41,354
Hi, Daddy.
1022
00:49:42,105 --> 00:49:43,148
How'd you get back in?
1023
00:49:44,232 --> 00:49:45,400
I don't remember.
1024
00:49:45,567 --> 00:49:47,026
You don't remember?
1025
00:49:47,902 --> 00:49:48,945
What was that sound?
1026
00:49:49,028 --> 00:49:49,988
I don't know.
1027
00:49:50,071 --> 00:49:51,156
What do you mean,
you don't know?
1028
00:49:51,239 --> 00:49:52,240
I don't know.
1029
00:49:54,242 --> 00:49:55,577
You've been drinking,
haven't you?
1030
00:49:55,743 --> 00:49:56,870
No.
1031
00:49:57,036 --> 00:49:59,831
Kara, I told you these boys
try to get you drunk
1032
00:49:59,914 --> 00:50:01,541
so they can take
advantage of you.
1033
00:50:01,624 --> 00:50:03,209
I'm old enough
to know that, Dad.
1034
00:50:03,376 --> 00:50:04,961
Yeah, well, I don't
want to go to jail
1035
00:50:05,044 --> 00:50:06,963
for kicking some
horny kid's teeth in
1036
00:50:07,046 --> 00:50:08,798
but I will, believe me.
1037
00:50:08,882 --> 00:50:10,258
(cow MOOING)
1038
00:50:12,468 --> 00:50:13,595
What is that?
1039
00:50:13,761 --> 00:50:17,056
(LAUGHING)
Oh, that's Mr. Moo!
1040
00:50:17,807 --> 00:50:20,602
Will you get him for me,
Daddy? Please.
1041
00:50:33,364 --> 00:50:34,532
(MOOING)
1042
00:50:37,827 --> 00:50:39,954
I can't be mad at my angel.
1043
00:50:45,960 --> 00:50:48,129
Happy birthday, princess.
1044
00:50:48,338 --> 00:50:49,422
Thanks, Dad.
1045
00:50:49,505 --> 00:50:50,506
(DOOR SHUTS)
1046
00:50:50,590 --> 00:50:51,549
(EXHALES)
1047
00:50:51,633 --> 00:50:53,635
00:55:16,564
Oh, no, he's gorgeous on paper.
1119
00:55:16,939 --> 00:55:18,357
What is that supposed to mean?
1120
00:55:18,733 --> 00:55:20,443
Nothing. Um...
1121
00:55:21,611 --> 00:55:24,697
I'm sorry. You're right.
1122
00:55:26,407 --> 00:55:28,075
I am a bit jealous.
1123
00:55:29,911 --> 00:55:31,245
You know, it's funny.
1124
00:55:32,205 --> 00:55:35,750
In some ways, you've
completely changed,
1125
00:55:35,917 --> 00:55:38,878
and, in other ways,
you're exactly the same.
1126
00:55:39,045 --> 00:55:41,088
Heather, you can believe this,
1127
00:55:41,255 --> 00:55:42,757
nothing's changed.
1128
00:55:45,218 --> 00:55:46,260
Oh, my God.
1129
00:55:46,427 --> 00:55:48,054
Chris Ostreicher?
1130
00:55:48,596 --> 00:55:49,764
Hi, girls.
1131
00:55:49,847 --> 00:55:50,973
Can I get a pic?
1132
00:55:51,140 --> 00:55:52,225
Sure.
1133
00:55:57,897 --> 00:55:58,940
Dad?
1134
00:56:00,650 --> 00:56:01,943
Oh, hey, Dad.
Hey, Jim.
1135
00:56:02,109 --> 00:56:03,736
I'm just going to
run out for a sec.
1136
00:56:03,903 --> 00:56:06,739
I was just watching
your old Bar Mitzvah tape.
1137
00:56:08,616 --> 00:56:10,159
(LAUGHING) I got
your Jew scarf!
1138
00:56:10,326 --> 00:56:11,953
YOUNG JIM:
Give it back, Stifler.
1139
00:56:12,078 --> 00:56:13,287
(LAUGHS)
1140
00:56:14,747 --> 00:56:20,169
I think I'm the happiest man
in the world thanks to you.
1141
00:56:25,758 --> 00:56:27,677
Yeah, I miss her too, Dad.
1142
00:56:29,679 --> 00:56:30,846
I know.
1143
00:56:33,057 --> 00:56:34,600
(SIGHS)
01:03:12,081
She's here.
1297
01:03:14,375 --> 01:03:15,793
I gotta go.
1298
01:03:16,085 --> 01:03:17,711
All right, get ready.
1299
01:03:17,878 --> 01:03:20,339
Wait for it.
Wait for it!
1300
01:03:20,422 --> 01:03:21,465
Wait for it!
1301
01:03:21,548 --> 01:03:23,092
Here she comes!
1302
01:03:23,509 --> 01:03:24,551
Yeah!
1303
01:03:24,635 --> 01:03:26,387
Fuck yeah,
Mr. Levenstein!
1304
01:03:26,553 --> 01:03:28,681
The name is Noah, motherfucker.
1305
01:03:28,764 --> 01:03:30,265
(ALL CHEERING)
1306
01:03:31,892 --> 01:03:32,893
Mmm.
1307
01:03:33,060 --> 01:03:34,395
Feel the sofa.
1308
01:03:34,561 --> 01:03:37,231
It's so smooth.
1309
01:03:37,731 --> 01:03:40,567
It feels like a Smurf's ass.
1310
01:03:40,734 --> 01:03:42,069
Did you feel it?
1311
01:03:42,236 --> 01:03:45,280
Okay.
Mia, can you...
1312
01:03:46,782 --> 01:03:48,742
Hey, guys.
Sorry we're late.
1313
01:03:48,951 --> 01:03:49,952
Hi.
1314
01:03:50,994 --> 01:03:54,081
Hey, I got a treat for everybody.
I picked something up.
1315
01:03:54,248 --> 01:03:56,917
Celebrity Dance Off, Season Six.
My man, Chris Ostreicher.
1316
01:03:57,000 --> 01:03:58,001
Oh, my God.
1317
01:04:00,629 --> 01:04:02,631
We have to watch this.
1318
01:04:02,798 --> 01:04:05,467
Who wants to see my
baby shake his booty?
1319
01:04:05,592 --> 01:04:07,010
(ALL CLAMORING IN AGREEMENT)
1320
01:04:07,094 --> 01:04:08,554
I know I do.
1321
01:04:08,721 --> 01:04:11,056
JDate? You have
to be kidding me.
1322
01:04:11,223 --> 01:04:14,476
If you want quality vag, you
have to go out into the wild.
1323
01:04:14,643 --> 01:04:15,894
"Vag"?
1324
01:04:16,770 --> 01:04:18,605
What is that, a half a vagina?
1325
01:04:20,065 --> 01:04:22,943
You know, in my day
we called it a beaver.
1326
01:04:23,110 --> 01:04:26,947
And let me tell you something,
I snagged a pelt or two.
1327
01:04:27,114 --> 01:04:28,157
I bet you did.
1328
01:04:28,282 --> 01:04:29,283
Dad?
1329
01:04:29,366 --> 01:04:31,785
Hey, Jim, your dad is so
much cooler than you.
1330
01:04:31,869 --> 01:04:33,537
Stifler, please stop
getting my dad drunk.
1331
01:04:33,620 --> 01:04:35,956
No, he's just trying
to get me some vag.
1332
01:04:36,039 --> 01:04:37,040
Okay, come on.
1333
01:04:37,124 --> 01:04:38,792
Yeah! Hey, hey.
1334
01:04:38,959 --> 01:04:40,627
Let the man make
his own decisions.
1335
01:04:40,794 --> 01:04:41,837
Stop. Come on.
1336
01:04:41,920 --> 01:04:42,921
Don't listen to him.
1337
01:04:43,589 --> 01:04:45,924
I want you to dust off
that old dick of yours,
1338
01:04:46,091 --> 01:04:48,093
go out there, and get some ass.
1339
01:04:48,260 --> 01:04:49,428
Oh!
Just go out there.
1340
01:04:49,511 --> 01:04:50,637
I think I Will.
1341
01:04:50,804 --> 01:04:53,599
Dad, stop, okay? It's
exactly what I'm gonna...
1342
01:04:53,682 --> 01:04:56,351
I'm sorry, but you have had a
little too much to drink tonight,
1343
01:04:56,477 --> 01:04:57,728
and I'm not letting you...
No, no.
1344
01:04:57,811 --> 01:05:01,190
No, son I haven't
hardly had one drink.
1345
01:05:01,356 --> 01:05:03,650
And you know I love you.
1346
01:05:03,817 --> 01:05:08,030
I do love you, but you need to
1347
01:05:08,363 --> 01:05:09,364
(BURPS)
1348
01:05:09,448 --> 01:05:10,449
chillax.
1349
01:05:11,033 --> 01:05:13,118
"Chillax"?
Dad, where are you going?
1350
01:05:13,202 --> 01:05:14,661
Do you see him?
Jim! Jim!
1351
01:05:14,828 --> 01:05:16,497
Let him go.
Let him have some fun.
1352
01:05:16,580 --> 01:05:17,581
(SIGHS)
1353
01:05:17,664 --> 01:05:21,335
And now we can have some fun.
1354
01:05:22,544 --> 01:05:23,545
Come on.
1355
01:05:25,339 --> 01:05:26,799
Excuse me.
1356
01:05:26,965 --> 01:05:28,842
I'm sorry, excuse me.
1357
01:05:29,009 --> 01:05:30,093
Is this a washroom?
1358
01:05:31,553 --> 01:05:33,597
It doesn't even occur to you
that you're self-centered
1359
01:05:33,680 --> 01:05:36,600
because you are so
self-centered and...
1360
01:05:36,683 --> 01:05:38,560
You know what?
Hold on a second.
1361
01:05:40,521 --> 01:05:41,647
Can I help you?
1362
01:05:43,190 --> 01:05:44,566
Who might you be?
1363
01:05:44,733 --> 01:05:46,360
I'm Stifler's mom.
1364
01:05:46,860 --> 01:05:47,861
Oh.
1365
01:05:48,403 --> 01:05:50,197
I'm Jim's dad.
1366
01:05:51,532 --> 01:05:53,033
Later, fucker.
1367
01:05:55,702 --> 01:05:58,121
(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)
1368
01:06:11,885 --> 01:06:15,013
Oh, my God, this is the most
ridiculous thing I've ever seen.
1369
01:06:18,183 --> 01:06:19,142
(SHOUTING)
1370
01:06:19,226 --> 01:06:20,227
(ALL CHEERING)
1371
01:06:22,479 --> 01:06:24,356
Dude, you have an amazing body!
1372
01:06:24,439 --> 01:06:28,902
Everybody, raise the roof
for Chris Ostreicher!
1373
01:06:28,986 --> 01:06:30,988
You have really been
bringing it all season long.
1374
01:06:31,071 --> 01:06:35,576
But now it's time, Chris, to see if
America thinks you done brought it.
1375
01:06:36,243 --> 01:06:37,661
You ready?
Let's do it.
1376
01:06:37,744 --> 01:06:38,745
Let's see the results.
1377
01:06:43,584 --> 01:06:44,793
(AUDIENCE EXCLAIM
IN DISAPPOINTMENT)
1378
01:06:44,877 --> 01:06:47,588
What? Gilbert Gottfried
and not you?
1379
01:06:47,754 --> 01:06:48,881
Fucking bullshit!
1380
01:06:49,047 --> 01:06:51,174
Chris, I'm so sorry, man.
1381
01:06:51,341 --> 01:06:55,929
Well, we saw you jam.
Now, it's time to scram.
1382
01:06:56,889 --> 01:06:58,181
Do you have any last
thoughts for the audience?
1383
01:06:58,348 --> 01:07:00,851
Okay, guys, we can
probably end it there.
1384
01:07:01,018 --> 01:07:03,270
What? No, are you kidding?
I haven't seen this.
1385
01:07:03,437 --> 01:07:05,772
I think what I've
learned is to be true
1386
01:07:05,856 --> 01:07:06,940
to myself,
1387
01:07:07,107 --> 01:07:10,110
because that's what
dancing is, it's truth.
1388
01:07:10,277 --> 01:07:12,362
And maybe,
1389
01:07:12,613 --> 01:07:15,782
if we just danced
a little bit more,
1390
01:07:15,949 --> 01:07:19,328
there would be no more wars.
1391
01:07:20,037 --> 01:07:21,121
(SNICKERING)
1392
01:07:21,204 --> 01:07:22,623
No more war!
1393
01:07:22,706 --> 01:07:25,000
Well, that is a thoughtful
take on foreign policy.
1394
01:07:26,501 --> 01:07:29,004
HOST: Stick around. Hulk Hogan gets
jiggy-friggy, right after this.
1395
01:07:29,171 --> 01:07:30,464
You don't want to miss this.
Stick around.
1396
01:07:32,591 --> 01:07:33,884
(SIGHS IN FRUSTRATION)
1397
01:07:39,348 --> 01:07:40,515
Hey.
1398
01:07:40,891 --> 01:07:42,976
If you want my opinion,
I think you got cheated.
1399
01:07:45,062 --> 01:07:46,229
Are you okay?
1400
01:07:47,147 --> 01:07:48,815
You know,
1401
01:07:49,566 --> 01:07:52,569
when you lose something that's important
to you, it doesn't feel very good.
1402
01:07:53,195 --> 01:07:55,405
Oz, it's just a show.
1403
01:07:56,031 --> 01:07:58,575
I'm not talking about the show.
1404
01:08:05,791 --> 01:08:07,668
RON: Hey, Heather,
you down there?
1405
01:08:08,293 --> 01:08:09,753
Um, coming!
1406
01:08:10,796 --> 01:08:12,172
Oh, my God.
1407
01:08:12,339 --> 01:08:13,632
Wait here, I'll be right back.
1408
01:08:15,300 --> 01:08:17,469
I can't tell you how many times
I walked into Steven's room
1409
01:08:17,636 --> 01:08:20,472
and I caught him in the
middle of sex with some girl.
1410
01:08:20,639 --> 01:08:23,433
At least he was with
a real, live human girl.
1411
01:08:23,600 --> 01:08:24,810
What are you talking about?
1412
01:08:24,893 --> 01:08:29,022
I walked into the kitchen once,
and I saw Jim humping a pie.
1413
01:08:31,108 --> 01:08:34,736
He turned the damn thing into a
crumble in about two seconds.
1414
01:08:39,449 --> 01:08:41,034
I can top that.
1415
01:08:41,201 --> 01:08:42,411
I once walked into my bedroom
1416
01:08:42,494 --> 01:08:45,872
and I caught Steven sticking
my hairbrush up his ass.
1417
01:08:49,626 --> 01:08:51,795
No, and it wasn't
the handle side, either.
1418
01:08:55,340 --> 01:08:56,341
Oh!
1419
01:08:57,718 --> 01:09:00,053
No, no, no.
1420
01:09:01,555 --> 01:09:05,976
A pretty lady like you shouldn't
be drinking quite so much.
1421
01:09:06,768 --> 01:09:08,103
And neither should I.
1422
01:09:14,735 --> 01:09:16,069
How about a joint, then?
1423
01:09:19,114 --> 01:09:23,243
We don't have to wait 13 years
to see each other again.
1424
01:09:23,410 --> 01:09:24,995
Yeah, true.
1425
01:09:25,162 --> 01:09:29,124
And I guess I could come along
on one of your adventures.
1426
01:09:29,291 --> 01:09:32,169
Am I good sidekick material?
1427
01:09:32,252 --> 01:09:33,295
Sidekick?
1428
01:09:33,378 --> 01:09:38,341
I think you are a lot more
than sidekick material.
1429
01:09:44,097 --> 01:09:45,932
Is everything okay?
1430
01:09:48,602 --> 01:09:50,604
It's better than ever.
1431
01:09:53,440 --> 01:09:54,483
Mmm.
Mmm.
1432
01:09:54,566 --> 01:09:55,901
Okay, wait, wait.
1433
01:09:56,067 --> 01:09:59,905
I don't think we're dressed
appropriately for the occasion.
1434
01:10:00,071 --> 01:10:01,615
Put that on.
1435
01:10:01,782 --> 01:10:03,116
Wait, where are you going?
1436
01:10:03,200 --> 01:10:06,119
To change.
Be back soon.
1437
01:10:16,630 --> 01:10:17,839
Dudes!
1438
01:10:19,633 --> 01:10:21,218
BOTH: What's up, bro?
1439
01:10:22,177 --> 01:10:24,137
WOMAN: Big Stiffy?
1440
01:10:24,304 --> 01:10:26,389
Blowjob Lipstein.
1441
01:10:29,351 --> 01:10:32,145
Oh, you have to be
fucking kidding me!
1442
01:10:32,354 --> 01:10:33,480
Excuse me?
1443
01:10:40,195 --> 01:10:41,238
Okay.
1444
01:10:41,863 --> 01:10:45,033
What the hell are you doing? You
just expect me to blow you?
1445
01:10:45,116 --> 01:10:46,159
Yeah!
1446
01:10:46,326 --> 01:10:47,702
I'm out of here.
1447
01:10:47,869 --> 01:10:49,371
Wait. Wait, Wait!
1448
01:10:49,538 --> 01:10:50,997
Look, I get it.
1449
01:10:51,164 --> 01:10:52,833
You're self-conscious
about your body.
1450
01:10:53,542 --> 01:10:56,378
Don't worry. I was going to
shut the lights off anyway.
1451
01:10:56,545 --> 01:10:59,172
You are the same douchebag
that you were in high school.
1452
01:10:59,673 --> 01:11:03,385
You just expect me to do
everything while I get nothing?
1453
01:11:03,552 --> 01:11:04,553
Later.
1454
01:11:04,636 --> 01:11:05,846
No, no!
1455
01:11:08,348 --> 01:11:09,558
(SIGHS)
1456
01:11:10,016 --> 01:11:11,893
Let's make a deal.
1457
01:11:13,186 --> 01:11:16,565
I'll get you off,
you get me off.
1458
01:11:16,731 --> 01:11:18,608
What do you say?
1459
01:11:18,942 --> 01:11:20,193
Fine.
1460
01:11:20,861 --> 01:11:22,696
But I am putting you to work.
1461
01:11:23,071 --> 01:11:24,447
Holy shit.
1462
01:11:25,615 --> 01:11:27,367
Chow time!
1463
01:11:27,534 --> 01:11:28,577
(GROANS)
1464
01:11:30,787 --> 01:11:32,664
(SIGHS) There you are!
1465
01:11:32,747 --> 01:11:35,542
I've been looking
all over for you.
1466
01:11:35,709 --> 01:11:38,295
Listen, we really need to...
1467
01:11:40,046 --> 01:11:41,548
What are you doing?
1468
01:11:41,715 --> 01:11:43,133
Taking what's mine.
1469
01:11:43,508 --> 01:11:44,843
(GROANING)
1470
01:11:45,719 --> 01:11:48,388
No, I just wanted to hear
the sound of your voice.
1471
01:11:48,680 --> 01:11:51,224
Aw, is everything okay?
You seem stressed.
1472
01:11:51,641 --> 01:11:53,268
Stressed?
1473
01:11:55,103 --> 01:11:56,897
There you are!
1474
01:11:58,398 --> 01:12:00,442
No, no, no.
1475
01:12:00,609 --> 01:12:04,321
I have to go right now, but I'll
call you back in a little bit.
1476
01:12:04,487 --> 01:12:07,741
Okay. And don't worry, I won't
watch Gossip Girl without you.
1477
01:12:07,866 --> 01:12:08,825
I miss you, babe.
1478
01:12:08,909 --> 01:12:10,327
I miss you, too.
1479
01:12:13,747 --> 01:12:17,250
Listen, Vicky,
about last night,
1480
01:12:18,126 --> 01:12:19,419
that wasn't me.
1481
01:12:19,586 --> 01:12:21,671
With what happened...
1482
01:12:22,339 --> 01:12:24,925
I don't know. It might
be normal in your world.
1483
01:12:25,091 --> 01:12:26,843
What do you think happened?
1484
01:12:27,302 --> 01:12:29,638
Well, all our clothes
were on the floor.
1485
01:12:29,804 --> 01:12:31,097
Yeah, because
they were soaking wet
1486
01:12:31,181 --> 01:12:32,849
from when you got drunk
and fell in the lake.
1487
01:12:33,016 --> 01:12:34,517
I took care of you.
1488
01:12:34,684 --> 01:12:37,520
So, we didn't have sex?
1489
01:12:37,687 --> 01:12:38,813
Of course not.
1490
01:12:39,481 --> 01:12:41,441
Oh, thank God!
1491
01:12:43,860 --> 01:12:46,696
I'm glad you think
so highly of me.
1492
01:12:47,739 --> 01:12:48,782
No.
1493
01:12:49,282 --> 01:12:50,867
Vicky, wait.
1494
01:12:51,868 --> 01:12:54,955
MIA: Oh, yeah!
Oh, my God! (MOANING)
1495
01:12:55,121 --> 01:12:56,623
Mia, stop.
1496
01:12:58,291 --> 01:12:59,626
Oh, my God, yeah!
1497
01:12:59,793 --> 01:13:01,002
Mia, get off!
1498
01:13:01,086 --> 01:13:02,963
I'm about to!
I'm about to!
1499
01:13:03,046 --> 01:13:04,047
(SCREAMING)
1500
01:13:05,215 --> 01:13:06,299
Heather.
1501
01:13:08,635 --> 01:13:09,678
What the hell?
1502
01:13:10,804 --> 01:13:12,472
You have something going on
with this skank?
1503
01:13:13,974 --> 01:13:16,643
Who are you calling a
skank, you fucking bitch?
1504
01:13:17,185 --> 01:13:18,895
Whoa! Whoa!
(MIA SCREAMING)
1505
01:13:19,354 --> 01:13:20,522
Stop it! Stop!
1506
01:13:20,689 --> 01:13:21,690
Stop it!
1507
01:13:23,316 --> 01:13:25,068
Ow! What the fuck?
1508
01:13:25,235 --> 01:13:27,404
That's my extension, you bitch!
1509
01:13:27,570 --> 01:13:29,197
You motherfucker!
1510
01:13:29,364 --> 01:13:31,616
No, Mia! Wait a minute!
1511
01:13:32,867 --> 01:13:35,829
By the way,
I fucked Mario Lopez!
1512
01:13:36,162 --> 01:13:38,206
(BONES CRACKING)
(GROANING)
1513
01:13:40,333 --> 01:13:41,334
Ooh...
1514
01:13:44,254 --> 01:13:46,840
Okay, it's my turn now.
1515
01:13:47,007 --> 01:13:49,509
Uh-uh. Not this time.
1516
01:13:49,676 --> 01:13:51,469
Wait, what about our deal?
1517
01:13:51,636 --> 01:13:55,223
Now you know how it
feels, Big Stiffy.
1518
01:14:02,397 --> 01:14:03,732
Gross!
1519
01:14:13,033 --> 01:14:14,284
(SNORING)
1520
01:14:20,081 --> 01:14:23,334
You didn't actually think I'd
fall asleep again, did you?
1521
01:14:23,501 --> 01:14:25,336
As long as you're mine,
I'm happy.
1522
01:14:25,503 --> 01:14:27,213
Jesus, Kara.
What are you doing here?
1523
01:14:27,380 --> 01:14:29,549
Your creepy friend invited
me and all my girlfriends.
1524
01:14:29,716 --> 01:14:32,093
Nice outfit, by the way.
Very kinky.
1525
01:14:32,969 --> 01:14:34,012
(POUNDING ON DOOR) Oh, shit.
1526
01:14:34,220 --> 01:14:36,431
Don't worry. I locked it.
1527
01:14:39,017 --> 01:14:40,310
Oh, Jesus.
1528
01:14:43,938 --> 01:14:46,983
What the hell kind of freaky
shit is going on in here?
1529
01:14:47,150 --> 01:14:48,401
AJ, what are you doing here?
1530
01:14:48,568 --> 01:14:50,445
I followed you. I had to
see it with my own eyes.
1531
01:14:50,612 --> 01:14:54,240
First you fuck with my jet ski,
then you fuck my girlfriend?
1532
01:14:54,407 --> 01:14:56,659
No! God, no!
Nothing happened.
1533
01:14:56,826 --> 01:14:57,911
You're going down, Sandler.
1534
01:14:58,036 --> 01:14:59,496
Sandler? What the...
1535
01:14:59,662 --> 01:15:01,122
Jesus Christ!
1536
01:15:02,123 --> 01:15:03,124
(SPITS)
1537
01:15:03,208 --> 01:15:04,542
AJ: I'm going
to kill you!
1538
01:15:06,377 --> 01:15:08,546
Jim, what the fuck
are you wearing?
1539
01:15:08,713 --> 01:15:11,132
Hey, I can explain
everything! Jesus!
1540
01:15:11,925 --> 01:15:12,967
Come on!
Shit!
1541
01:15:13,093 --> 01:15:14,636
Get up, gimp!
1542
01:15:14,803 --> 01:15:16,805
Come on, I'm not
fighting you, okay?
1543
01:15:16,930 --> 01:15:18,473
This is silly.
I'm an adult.
1544
01:15:18,640 --> 01:15:19,682
Oh, really?
1545
01:15:19,808 --> 01:15:21,768
Because to me you look
like a little bitch pussy.
1546
01:15:21,851 --> 01:15:22,852
(BOYS LAUGHING)
1547
01:15:22,936 --> 01:15:24,687
Don't be a pussy, Jim.
1548
01:15:24,854 --> 01:15:27,440
Look, AJ, just calm down, okay?
1549
01:15:27,607 --> 01:15:30,693
What makes you little fuckers think you can
crash one of the Stifmeister's parties?
1550
01:15:31,402 --> 01:15:34,239
Did you just refer to yourself
as "the Stifmeister"?
1551
01:15:34,405 --> 01:15:37,534
Because that's the
lamest name ever!
1552
01:15:37,909 --> 01:15:39,119
(PEOPLE JEERING)
1553
01:15:40,120 --> 01:15:42,247
I'm going to fucking kill you.
1554
01:15:42,413 --> 01:15:43,373
Bring it on.
1555
01:15:43,456 --> 01:15:44,958
Hey, Steve, come on, this is...
1556
01:15:45,708 --> 01:15:47,418
(CROWD EXCLAIMING)
1557
01:15:50,296 --> 01:15:52,048
Where do you think
you're going?
1558
01:15:56,970 --> 01:15:59,681
Don't mess with
the Class of '99, bitch!
1559
01:15:59,806 --> 01:16:00,807
(GROANS)
1560
01:16:00,890 --> 01:16:02,058
Finch!
1561
01:16:02,725 --> 01:16:03,893
Don't hurt my friend!
1562
01:16:12,986 --> 01:16:13,987
(GROANING)
1563
01:16:18,825 --> 01:16:19,826
Hey!
1564
01:16:20,118 --> 01:16:23,163
Get off my husband,
you little piece of shit!
1565
01:16:23,246 --> 01:16:25,498
(SIRENS WAILING)
1566
01:16:32,547 --> 01:16:33,548
(INDISTINCT CHATTER
ON POLICE RADIO)
1567
01:16:33,631 --> 01:16:34,966
(LAUGHING)
1568
01:16:35,091 --> 01:16:38,094
Oh, crap!
It's the fuzz!
1569
01:16:38,845 --> 01:16:41,055
We have to get out.
How do you get out?
1570
01:16:41,264 --> 01:16:42,473
I need an escape route!
1571
01:16:42,640 --> 01:16:44,225
Oh, shit!
1572
01:16:44,350 --> 01:16:45,393
You want to be with him?
1573
01:16:45,476 --> 01:16:48,104
Fine!
He's all yours.
1574
01:16:48,271 --> 01:16:49,689
Come on, man!
1575
01:16:51,691 --> 01:16:54,068
Jim, what's going on?
1576
01:16:54,235 --> 01:16:56,279
I am so sorry for all
of this. I can explain.
1577
01:16:56,988 --> 01:16:59,282
Last night I ran into
Kara, our neighbor.
1578
01:16:59,490 --> 01:17:02,535
She was too drunk to drive,
so I drove her home.
1579
01:17:02,702 --> 01:17:07,498
And she started taking off her
clothes, and touching my...
1580
01:17:07,832 --> 01:17:11,252
Okay, I know it doesn't sound
good, but nothing happened, okay?
1581
01:17:11,419 --> 01:17:13,504
I don't care about her at all!
1582
01:17:13,671 --> 01:17:16,215
Thanks a lot.
1583
01:17:16,633 --> 01:17:19,135
No, no, Kara, wait.
I didn't mean...
1584
01:17:19,302 --> 01:17:21,012
Wait, Michelle.
Hold on, hold on.
1585
01:17:21,179 --> 01:17:22,597
It's not what you think, okay?
1586
01:17:22,764 --> 01:17:27,268
I swear, I was just trying to
do the right thing, and I...
1587
01:17:27,352 --> 01:17:29,979
(SIGHS) You have to believe
me, Michelle, please.
1588
01:17:30,897 --> 01:17:34,025
Whether I believe you or not,
1589
01:17:34,233 --> 01:17:35,610
I'm disappointed.
1590
01:17:36,027 --> 01:17:38,488
I'm going to stay
with my grandmother.
1591
01:17:38,655 --> 01:17:39,656
Hold it, Michelle.
1592
01:17:39,739 --> 01:17:40,740
No, Jim.
1593
01:17:41,366 --> 01:17:42,909
Hey, the fight's over, guys.
1594
01:17:43,076 --> 01:17:44,494
We're not here to stop a fight.
1595
01:17:44,744 --> 01:17:47,080
We're here about
that stolen motorcycle.
1596
01:17:47,246 --> 01:17:48,915
Looks like the VIN
numbers match up.
1597
01:17:49,082 --> 01:17:50,333
Paul Finch.
1598
01:17:50,500 --> 01:17:52,251
You're under arrest.
1599
01:17:53,586 --> 01:17:54,837
Awesome!
1600
01:17:55,171 --> 01:17:56,339
KEVIN:
Excuse me, officer.
1601
01:17:56,422 --> 01:18:00,969
He won that bike betting on the World Cup in Argentina.
You made some sort of mistake.
1602
01:18:01,052 --> 01:18:03,012
Paul, what's going on?
What is this about?
1603
01:18:03,304 --> 01:18:04,472
Paul.
1604
01:18:04,639 --> 01:18:05,932
Finch, just tell them.
1605
01:18:06,099 --> 01:18:07,266
Paul!
1606
01:18:08,518 --> 01:18:12,021
STIFLER: Hey, shitbreak, when you're
getting rammed by your cellmate tonight,
1607
01:18:12,188 --> 01:18:13,314
think of Kevin.
1608
01:18:17,360 --> 01:18:19,362
Michelle, can I just...
Please!
1609
01:18:23,282 --> 01:18:24,325
Oh!
1610
01:18:25,076 --> 01:18:26,119
Ah!
1611
01:18:26,995 --> 01:18:28,246
Dad?
Ah!
1612
01:18:29,122 --> 01:18:30,832
01:22:02,043
Holy shit. I'm sorry,
I don't need...
1679
01:22:02,126 --> 01:22:04,503
(CLEARS THROAT)
That's fine, we can...
1680
01:22:04,670 --> 01:22:05,922
I don't have to
go on with that.
1681
01:22:06,005 --> 01:22:11,469
But my point is, when you have a
kid, you become a dad and a mom.
1682
01:22:11,844 --> 01:22:16,057
But it's very important not to
stop being a husband and a wife.
1683
01:22:16,641 --> 01:22:20,186
And if you do that,
the sex will come.
1684
01:22:22,271 --> 01:22:23,731
That actually
makes a lot of sense.
1685
01:22:23,898 --> 01:22:27,276
But you can't just wait for
the two of you to be alone.
1686
01:22:27,443 --> 01:22:30,905
You have to make
your own alone time.
1687
01:22:31,113 --> 01:22:34,784
Why do you think you went to
Hebrew school three times a week?
1688
01:22:34,951 --> 01:22:38,955
Sundays, noon to three?
Tuesdays, four to seven?
1689
01:22:39,080 --> 01:22:40,373
Okay, I get it, Dad.
1690
01:22:40,456 --> 01:22:42,667
If you get it,
then why the questions?
1691
01:22:42,833 --> 01:22:43,918
I'm sorry.
1692
01:22:44,001 --> 01:22:46,087
You're going through this, I am sorry.
I should be listening.
1693
01:22:46,254 --> 01:22:49,257
No, I'm overreacting.
I'm sorry.
1694
01:22:53,094 --> 01:22:54,804
(SIGHS) Thank you.
1695
01:22:55,346 --> 01:22:57,265
Again. Really.
1696
01:23:00,685 --> 01:23:01,936
Anytime.
1697
01:23:06,774 --> 01:23:08,359
Welcome, you guys.
1698
01:23:08,442 --> 01:23:11,988
Listen, find your nametag, find
out what table you're sitting at.
1699
01:23:12,071 --> 01:23:14,323
Ashley, so good to see you!
Oh, my God.
1700
01:23:14,490 --> 01:23:17,535
Billy! Oh, my God,
you're looking so svelte.
1701
01:23:17,702 --> 01:23:20,830
You used to be morbidly obese.
I was concerned.
1702
01:23:20,913 --> 01:23:21,998
KEVIN: Hey.
1703
01:23:22,081 --> 01:23:23,165
Hey, guys.
1704
01:23:23,249 --> 01:23:24,917
Hey, Jim.
Oz.
1705
01:23:25,209 --> 01:23:26,377
Where is Mia?
1706
01:23:26,460 --> 01:23:28,587
She flew out this morning.
1707
01:23:28,754 --> 01:23:31,090
Oh. I'm sorry, man.
1708
01:23:31,924 --> 01:23:32,967
What about Michelle?
1709
01:23:34,218 --> 01:23:36,095
I am not sure yet.
1710
01:23:36,804 --> 01:23:38,097
ALL; Finch!
1711
01:23:38,306 --> 01:23:41,642
What happened? I called the police
department a thousand times.
1712
01:23:41,726 --> 01:23:46,605
I appreciate that, Kevin. But my
mom, actually, bailed me out.
1713
01:23:48,357 --> 01:23:49,859
Guys, I screwed up.
1714
01:23:50,026 --> 01:23:52,111
That bike belongs to my boss.
1715
01:23:52,278 --> 01:23:56,615
And I was promised a raise,
and I didn't get it, so I
1716
01:23:56,741 --> 01:23:57,992
simply borrowed it.
1717
01:23:58,784 --> 01:24:01,287
The truth is that my life
isn't interesting at all.
1718
01:24:01,787 --> 01:24:05,791
I am an assistant manager at a
Staples in Bayonne, New Jersey.
1719
01:24:06,042 --> 01:24:09,253
I lied to my best friends,
and I'm sorry.
1720
01:24:10,671 --> 01:24:13,758
You know, Finch,
just because you sold out
1721
01:24:13,841 --> 01:24:16,844
and got a boring job
like most of us,
1722
01:24:16,927 --> 01:24:18,554
that doesn't mean you
should be embarrassed.
1723
01:24:18,637 --> 01:24:21,223
Yeah, come on, man.
None of that shit matters.
1724
01:24:22,308 --> 01:24:23,559
That means a lot, gentlemen.
1725
01:24:23,726 --> 01:24:25,102
What about your arm?
1726
01:24:25,186 --> 01:24:26,187
Oh.
1727
01:24:27,813 --> 01:24:30,566
I spilled coffee on myself
while I was driving.
1728
01:24:30,733 --> 01:24:31,901
No.
(CHUCKLES)
1729
01:24:32,651 --> 01:24:34,320
It hurt like a bitch, though.
1730
01:24:34,445 --> 01:24:37,281
I'll bet.
Jesus, Finch.
1731
01:24:37,656 --> 01:24:40,076
Oh, hey, check this
out, you guys.
1732
01:24:41,410 --> 01:24:43,496
Crazy, huh?
Look at us.
1733
01:24:43,662 --> 01:24:44,830
OZ: A lot of memories.
1734
01:24:46,832 --> 01:24:48,459
"Steve Stifler."
1735
01:24:49,418 --> 01:24:52,338
"Hopes to keep the party
going with his boys."
1736
01:24:54,090 --> 01:24:55,174
(CLICKS TONGUE)
1737
01:24:56,300 --> 01:24:58,052
Any Sign of him yet?
1738
01:24:58,219 --> 01:24:59,929
I don't think
he's going to show.
1739
01:25:00,012 --> 01:25:01,180
(SIGHS)
1740
01:25:15,486 --> 01:25:16,695
Stifler?
1741
01:25:20,783 --> 01:25:21,867
How'd you find me?
1742
01:25:22,034 --> 01:25:23,369
We asked your mom.
1743
01:25:24,203 --> 01:25:26,705
Oh, no.
I didn't do anything.
1744
01:25:28,040 --> 01:25:32,795
We wanted to apologize
for what we said last night.
1745
01:25:33,379 --> 01:25:34,380
We didn't mean it.
1746
01:25:34,713 --> 01:25:35,714
(SIGHS)
1747
01:25:35,798 --> 01:25:39,718
Yeah, you did. I get it,
you guys think I'm a dick.
1748
01:25:44,390 --> 01:25:46,684
Okay. Well,
1749
01:25:47,560 --> 01:25:49,979
maybe you are kind of a dick.
1750
01:25:50,896 --> 01:25:51,981
But,
1751
01:25:52,982 --> 01:25:54,733
you're a fun dick.
1752
01:25:54,900 --> 01:25:57,945
And you're our dick.
1753
01:25:58,571 --> 01:26:03,409
Yeah, man. You were one of the biggest
reasons that high school was awesome.
1754
01:26:03,576 --> 01:26:06,245
Yeah, high school was awesome.
1755
01:26:06,412 --> 01:26:09,206
Then we graduated and everybody
started getting jobs
1756
01:26:09,373 --> 01:26:11,584
and getting married
and having kids
1757
01:26:11,667 --> 01:26:14,044
and all that other stupid shit.
1758
01:26:14,211 --> 01:26:17,882
Now, look at me. I'm the
bitch of this place.
1759
01:26:18,090 --> 01:26:20,050
Look, Stifler, none of
our lives are perfect.
1760
01:26:20,217 --> 01:26:21,427
Especially mine.
1761
01:26:22,386 --> 01:26:26,765
But what do you say we keep this party
going, and hit up this reunion together?
1762
01:26:28,601 --> 01:26:30,561
What the hell is going on here?
1763
01:26:31,312 --> 01:26:34,815
Oh, my God.
This is the jackass.
1764
01:26:35,232 --> 01:26:37,693
You're not even close to being
finished and you're up here
1765
01:26:37,776 --> 01:26:39,904
"chilling with your posse"?
1766
01:26:40,029 --> 01:26:41,238
Sorry, we can explain.
1767
01:26:41,405 --> 01:26:42,698
No, Kevin.
1768
01:26:44,116 --> 01:26:45,201
Allow me.
1769
01:26:45,284 --> 01:26:47,912
Yeah, Kevin, allow him.
1770
01:26:47,995 --> 01:26:49,205
This better be good, Stafler.
1771
01:26:49,788 --> 01:26:51,790
It's Stifler, fucker.
1772
01:26:52,124 --> 01:26:56,128
(SCOFFS) Oh, wow. Who the
hell do you think you are?
1773
01:26:56,295 --> 01:26:59,798
Are you acting tough in front
of your girlfriend? Huh?
1774
01:26:59,882 --> 01:27:01,884
Because we both know she's
only with you for your money.
1775
01:27:02,718 --> 01:27:04,053
Definitely not for your dick.
1776
01:27:04,220 --> 01:27:06,055
Because anybody that's
peed next to you
1777
01:27:06,138 --> 01:27:07,973
knows it's the size of
a leprechaun's pinkie.
1778
01:27:08,140 --> 01:27:09,475
(SNICKERS)
1779
01:27:09,558 --> 01:27:11,560
That's not true.
1780
01:27:11,644 --> 01:27:14,980
(MOCKINGLY) "That's not
true." Oh, yeah, it is.
1781
01:27:16,565 --> 01:27:20,319
Look, just because you got a fancy
office and I don't even have a desk
1782
01:27:20,486 --> 01:27:22,780
doesn't change
who we really are.
1783
01:27:22,947 --> 01:27:26,492
The truth is,
you're still a dork,
1784
01:27:26,659 --> 01:27:28,577
and I can still kick your ass.
1785
01:27:29,495 --> 01:27:31,163
But I'm not going to.
1786
01:27:31,330 --> 01:27:32,831
You know why?
1787
01:27:32,998 --> 01:27:34,959
Because I'm the
fucking Stifmeister.
1788
01:27:35,167 --> 01:27:38,671
And you can take this job and
shove it up your dickhole
1789
01:27:38,837 --> 01:27:40,965
because I have
a reunion to attend.
1790
01:27:41,131 --> 01:27:42,299
Dudes?
1791
01:27:48,847 --> 01:27:52,518
By the way, I had no clue what I
was doing with any of this shit,
1792
01:27:52,685 --> 01:27:55,020
so you got a lot of work to do.
1793
01:27:57,022 --> 01:27:59,024
(PUNK ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
1794
01:28:29,722 --> 01:28:31,390
Surprise!
Hey! You made it.
1795
01:28:31,557 --> 01:28:32,808
Of course.
1796
01:28:32,975 --> 01:28:35,227
What do you think about the Lions this year?
They got a shot?
1797
01:28:35,394 --> 01:28:37,771
We'll see if their
offensive line can hold.
1798
01:28:37,938 --> 01:28:40,566
Are you planning on being on
Celebrity Dance Off: All Stars?
1799
01:28:40,733 --> 01:28:42,651
I actually haven't
thought much about that.
1800
01:28:42,818 --> 01:28:44,862
You should think about it.
1801
01:28:49,491 --> 01:28:52,828
I'm sorry, guys,
you'll have to excuse me.
1802
01:28:57,416 --> 01:28:58,751
Can I cut in?
1803
01:28:59,335 --> 01:29:01,920
I don't know. Can you promise
to keep your shirt on?
1804
01:29:02,796 --> 01:29:05,591
Come on, buddy, I'm busting balls.
Huh?
1805
01:29:05,674 --> 01:29:07,760
Yeah, of course.
1806
01:29:08,093 --> 01:29:09,428
I'll get us some drinks.
1807
01:29:09,511 --> 01:29:10,638
Okay.
1808
01:29:12,431 --> 01:29:14,975
Hey.
1809
01:29:16,018 --> 01:29:18,312
Shouldn't you be dancing
with your girlfriend?
1810
01:29:18,479 --> 01:29:19,480
Uh...
1811
01:29:20,606 --> 01:29:23,776
Mia and I are over.
1812
01:29:25,277 --> 01:29:29,948
She wanted me
to be someone else.
1813
01:29:30,491 --> 01:29:34,161
Something that I
don't want to be.
1814
01:29:35,287 --> 01:29:37,456
What do you want, Chris?
1815
01:29:37,956 --> 01:29:40,292
Heather, I want this.
1816
01:29:40,709 --> 01:29:42,002
I want us.
1817
01:29:43,462 --> 01:29:46,965
What about
your career? LA?
1818
01:29:47,132 --> 01:29:50,427
Look, I know that it's crazy.
1819
01:29:50,594 --> 01:29:55,349
And I don't have all the answers
right now, but I see you,
1820
01:29:56,725 --> 01:29:58,185
and I just know
1821
01:29:59,436 --> 01:30:00,604
I want you.
1822
01:30:02,147 --> 01:30:03,273
I love you.
1823
01:30:04,483 --> 01:30:05,859
I love you.
1824
01:30:12,825 --> 01:30:13,909
So, I'm skIlng down a mountain.
1825
01:30:13,992 --> 01:30:15,327
Guy has a heart
attack right there.
1826
01:30:15,494 --> 01:30:18,372
Saved his life. It was a big
story, you can Google it.
1827
01:30:18,539 --> 01:30:19,665
Yeah, it was.
1828
01:30:19,832 --> 01:30:21,166
I bet.
1829
01:30:22,167 --> 01:30:24,336
Holy shit!
Excuse me.
1830
01:30:24,503 --> 01:30:26,922
Hey, excuse me. What
the hell is going on?
1831
01:30:27,339 --> 01:30:28,465
Ron, I can explain.
1832
01:30:28,549 --> 01:30:29,925
Seriously, this guy?
1833
01:30:30,092 --> 01:30:32,344
I'm a fucking heart surgeon,
this guy's not even on ESPN.
1834
01:30:32,511 --> 01:30:34,304
Hey, take it easy, Ron.
1835
01:30:34,471 --> 01:30:36,807
What are you going to do?
Hit me, Oz? Huh?
1836
01:30:36,974 --> 01:30:39,893
Oh, I got an idea. What
about a dance-off? Huh?
1837
01:30:40,853 --> 01:30:43,689
This isn't a reality show, okay?
This is the real world.
1838
01:30:43,856 --> 01:30:47,192
You take one swing at me, I will
sue you for all you're worth.
1839
01:30:47,776 --> 01:30:48,777
(GASPS)
1840
01:30:51,655 --> 01:30:54,116
I'm not worth jack shit, Dron.
1841
01:30:56,702 --> 01:30:57,911
I'm your dick.
1842
01:31:00,914 --> 01:31:01,957
Dropped him!
1843
01:31:02,040 --> 01:31:03,041
That was awesome!
1844
01:31:03,208 --> 01:31:05,377
Listen, we had a blast
the other night.
1845
01:31:06,545 --> 01:31:09,006
Have you ever thought about
being a party planner?
1846
01:31:09,548 --> 01:31:11,967
Because we want you
to plan our wedding.
1847
01:31:12,050 --> 01:31:13,594
Say yes.
1848
01:31:14,595 --> 01:31:16,555
Yeah, yeah!
I'd love to.
1849
01:31:16,638 --> 01:31:18,432
Nice! Oh, my God.
1850
01:31:18,599 --> 01:31:20,309
Thanks!
This is great, man.
1851
01:31:20,476 --> 01:31:23,103
Thank you so much.
Thank you, bro.
1852
01:31:23,270 --> 01:31:24,730
You're welcome.
Thank you.
1853
01:31:30,527 --> 01:31:31,612
I have to tell you something.
1854
01:31:31,695 --> 01:31:32,821
You don't have to explain.
1855
01:31:33,405 --> 01:31:37,743
Look, Paul, I didn't like you
because you climbed the Alps,
1856
01:31:37,910 --> 01:31:39,912
or killed a camel
with your bare hands.
1857
01:31:40,245 --> 01:31:42,748
I liked you because you were
still the same good guy
1858
01:31:42,831 --> 01:31:45,083
that was actually nice
to me in high school.
1859
01:31:45,709 --> 01:31:46,960
I'm still that guy.
1860
01:31:47,377 --> 01:31:49,087
I really am.
1861
01:31:49,838 --> 01:31:52,549
You know, the last time I
was here was for prom.
1862
01:31:53,800 --> 01:31:55,093
I didn't have a date.
1863
01:31:55,177 --> 01:31:56,428
Neither did I.
1864
01:31:59,097 --> 01:32:00,224
I have to get a drink.
1865
01:32:00,349 --> 01:32:01,850
What?
1866
01:32:02,017 --> 01:32:03,060
Was my dancing that bad?
1867
01:32:03,143 --> 01:32:04,186
Yeah.
1868
01:32:04,603 --> 01:32:06,271
Kev! Hey!
1869
01:32:06,355 --> 01:32:07,356
Hey, Jess!
1870
01:32:07,439 --> 01:32:09,233
Wow. Look, you have a beard!
It looks great.
1871
01:32:09,316 --> 01:32:11,276
Thanks.
I'm kidding.
1872
01:32:11,401 --> 01:32:13,779
Let's just get this out of the way.
(CLEARS THROAT)
1873
01:32:13,946 --> 01:32:17,199
I'm a lesbian now, and this is my girlfriend.
This is Ingrid.
1874
01:32:17,366 --> 01:32:19,076
Good to meet you.
Nice to meet you, too.
1875
01:32:19,243 --> 01:32:21,912
Lesbians? 01:41:15,361
Yes, we should.
(UNZIPPING)
2038
01:41:15,445 --> 01:41:17,280
Oh, Stifler.
2039
01:41:17,447 --> 01:41:18,990
Oh, Finch's mom!
2040
01:41:20,492 --> 01:41:21,826
Call me the Stifmeister!
2041
01:41:21,993 --> 01:41:24,412
Yeah, you are the Stifmeister.
2042
01:41:24,829 --> 01:41:25,830
(BOTH MOANING)
2043
01:41:25,914 --> 01:41:27,165
MAN: MILF?
2044
01:41:33,838 --> 01:41:35,423
Oh, Finch's mom!
2045
01:41:35,673 --> 01:41:36,716
(UNENTHUSIASTICALLY) MILF.
2046
01:41:38,301 --> 01:41:39,344
MILF.
2047
01:41:43,098 --> 01:41:44,432
STIFFLER:
Tell me I'm the best.
2048
01:41:44,516 --> 01:41:46,184
RACHEL:
You are the best!
2049
01:41:47,018 --> 01:41:48,061
MILF.
2050
01:41:49,312 --> 01:41:50,688
MILF.
MILF.
2051
01:41:52,315 --> 01:41:53,525
STIFLER:
Oh, Finch's mom!
2052
01:41:54,150 --> 01:41:59,155
BOTH: MILF! MILF! MILF!
2053
01:41:59,531 --> 01:42:01,449
(CHEERING)
2054
01:42:01,533 --> 01:42:02,992
RACHEL: Yes! Yes!
2055
01:42:03,076 --> 01:42:04,494
STIFLER: Oh, your
son's such a dork!
2056
01:42:04,577 --> 01:42:06,496
Stop talking about him!
2057
01:42:06,579 --> 01:42:07,914
(RACHEL SCREAMING)
2058
01:42:08,915 --> 01:42:11,584
Well, our first reunion
is officially in the books.
2059
01:42:11,751 --> 01:42:14,963
I don't know about you guys, but
my night ended pretty well.
2060
01:42:15,130 --> 01:42:16,214
It was great.
2061
01:42:16,297 --> 01:42:17,632
I had a blast.
It was unforgettable.
2062
01:42:17,715 --> 01:42:19,425
Fuck yeah! I jizzed
like a racehorse.
2063
01:42:20,135 --> 01:42:21,803
What happened to you at the
end of the night, Stifler?
2064
01:42:21,886 --> 01:42:23,179
Who did you end up with?
2065
01:42:23,263 --> 01:42:26,015
A gentleman never
kisses and tells, Jim.
2066
01:42:28,893 --> 01:42:29,936
JIM: Guys?
2067
01:42:32,021 --> 01:42:33,898
I'll be right back, okay?
2068
01:42:37,819 --> 01:42:38,903
Kara!
2069
01:42:45,451 --> 01:42:47,537
Hey.
Hey.
2070
01:42:48,329 --> 01:42:50,999
Look, I'm sorry about
what I said the other night.
2071
01:42:51,166 --> 01:42:54,544
No, I'm the one who
should be apologizing.
2072
01:42:54,711 --> 01:42:56,838
I can't believe the way I acted.
I'm so embarrassed.
2073
01:42:56,921 --> 01:42:58,464
Don't be.
2074
01:42:58,882 --> 01:43:02,177
When I was your age I was
pretty obsessed with sex, too.
2075
01:43:02,260 --> 01:43:03,344
I know.
2076
01:43:04,387 --> 01:43:05,471
I've seen the YouTube clip.
2077
01:43:05,972 --> 01:43:08,433
Oh, of course you did.
2078
01:43:08,600 --> 01:43:10,810
But, thanks for understanding.
2079
01:43:10,977 --> 01:43:13,771
I was thinking about it,
and you're right.
2080
01:43:13,938 --> 01:43:15,565
I should really wait
for someone special.
2081
01:43:17,275 --> 01:43:20,278
Just, it's going to be tough
to find a guy as good as you.
2082
01:43:23,698 --> 01:43:24,782
I'm sure you will.
2083
01:43:31,623 --> 01:43:33,708
I feel like a whole new
man after this weekend.
2084
01:43:33,791 --> 01:43:35,251
Kind of sucks
we have to leave, though.
2085
01:43:35,335 --> 01:43:38,463
Not me. I'm going to take
some time off my job
2086
01:43:38,546 --> 01:43:40,381
and stick around here
with Heather for a while.
2087
01:43:40,465 --> 01:43:41,549
Nice!
2088
01:43:41,633 --> 01:43:42,759
What about you, Finch?
2089
01:43:42,842 --> 01:43:46,054
Selena and I, we're planning
a little jaunt to Europe.
2090
01:43:46,221 --> 01:43:48,806
Just make sure you call your mom.
She misses you.
2091
01:43:49,682 --> 01:43:51,059
How would you know?
2092
01:43:51,434 --> 01:43:52,435
(CHUCKLES)
2093
01:43:52,852 --> 01:43:53,853
Oh...
2094
01:43:56,981 --> 01:43:58,900
I guess this is it, huh?
Back to reality?
2095
01:43:59,067 --> 01:44:00,818
We shouldn't wait
until the next reunion.
2096
01:44:00,985 --> 01:44:04,072
We should try to get
together every year.
2097
01:44:04,197 --> 01:44:06,824
What do you say,
until next time?
2098
01:44:06,908 --> 01:44:09,077
Until next time.
Until next time!
2099
01:44:18,795 --> 01:44:20,088
(MIMICKING COUGH)
I fucked Finch's mom.
2100
01:44:20,213 --> 01:44:21,506
What?
2101
01:44:21,631 --> 01:44:22,966
What was that?
2102
01:44:38,189 --> 01:44:40,441
(OPERATIC MUSIC PLAYING)
2103
01:45:41,002 --> 01:45:42,754
(BREATH ES HEAVILY)
2104
01:45:45,048 --> 01:45:46,049
Hmm?
2105
01:45:46,716 --> 01:45:48,092
What's this?
2106
01:45:49,427 --> 01:45:51,179
Oh, no, dean No, no, no.
2107
01:45:51,346 --> 01:45:53,181
No, dear. No!
(UNZIPPING)
2108
01:45:53,264 --> 01:45:54,265
Oh!
2109
01:46:00,146 --> 01:46:01,147
Oh...
2110
01:46:01,898 --> 01:46:04,942
Oh. Oh. Oh.
2111
01:46:05,193 --> 01:46:08,529
Ah. Oh. Oh.
2112
01:46:08,946 --> 01:46:11,824
Oh, boy.
Oh, boy! Oh, boy!
2113
01:46:12,033 --> 01:46:14,118
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
2114
01:46:14,786 --> 01:46:16,371
Oh! Oh!
2115
01:46:16,454 --> 01:46:18,498
Oh, my God!
2116
01:46:18,873 --> 01:46:20,291
Ah! (LAUGHING)
2117
01:46:23,086 --> 01:46:24,087
(SIGHS)
2118
01:46:24,504 --> 01:46:26,047
(CLEARS THROAT)
2119
01:46:26,214 --> 01:46:27,799
Great movie.
147527
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