All language subtitles for Wish.I.Was.Here.2014.720p.BluRay.x264-SPARKS

When I was a kid,
my brother and I used to

pretend we were
heroes with swords.

We were the only ones
who could save the day.

But perhaps we set
the bar a little bit high.

Maybe we're just
regular people.

The ones who get saved.

Dad?

What's your password?

What?

I said,
what's your password?

Dad!

I have no fucking idea!

Swear jar.

Fuck the swear jar.

Aidan. I'm sorry, but
fuck the swear jar.

That word means sex. You're gonna
have sex with the swear jar?

Okay, Tucker,
that's enough, honey.

The code's 1234.
What are you doing?

The swear jar is full.
Look at it.

The swear jar is
all the money

we have to send
you to college,

so you should
be happy I curse.

I heard you, Dad.

Rabbi Perlman says that cursing
is for the simple-minded.

Well, Rabbi Perlman's
breath is so bad,

it makes God question why he even
bothered creating the universe.

Rabbi Perlman's
praying and God's like,

"Please stop, Perlman.
You're welcome.

"You're welcome!"

Well, if you can curse, then we all
can curse. Is that what you want?

Fine.
No!

Grace is not
gonna curse.

Fuckhead.

Wow!

Gracie!
Whoa!

Mom, Dad said that
the other day

when someone stole
his parking spot.

I did say that, babe,
but he was a fuckhead.

He was in a yellow Hummer.
Who drives a yellow Hummer?

What, is he going
to war on the sun?

Dad, we need this car.

We are not getting
an Aston Martin.

But for the next minute
only, you can curse.

Then, hairy balls.

Okay. Come on, guys.

Up, up, up. Seat belts.

Tucker! Yarmulke. Tzitzit.

Oh, come on. What is
wrong with you, man?

Get it together.

I was thinking
about that Aston Martin.

Stop thinking
about that car.

It's time to start thinking
about the plight of the Jews.

What does "plight" mean?
I have no idea.

Ask the rabbis. That's what
we're paying them for.

Aidan, you have to talk
to your father today.

He still hasn't paid
this semester's tuition.

I hate talking to him about money.
When was it due?

Months ago.

Okay, and they're threatening
to kick the kids out of school

if they don't get a check
by the end of this week.

Maybe it's time we put
them in public school.

No!
Yay!

Oh, no, no, no, we're not
putting them in the public school.

I'll talk to him today, okay?

Avoid the rabbis
if you see them.

I always do!

- Bye, Mom!
- Bye, baby.

Bye!

Bye, sweetie.

You need help gearing
up back there, Yentl?

Don't call me Yentl.

You can call me Yentl.
I love that movie.

I know. I know.

The boys get to do all the
cool things to honor HaShem,

and I won't get to do anything
remotely cool until I buy my sheitel.

Sheitel?
What's that again?

It's a modesty wig.

So, when I get married,
I'll shave my head

and wear a wig for
the rest of my life.

That way only my husband
will find me pretty.

No offense, but that's the weirdest
tradition I've ever heard of.

And it wouldn't even work on
you because you're so pretty

that you'd look even
prettier with a shaved head.

So, it would defeat
the whole purpose.

- Bye, Dad.
- Bye.

Hurry, hurry, hurry.

Hey, guys-

Tucker. Come here. Drill.

I knew it.

I told you.
Drill stays at home.

Thank you.

Now go be Jewish.

Why? It's so boring.

I have no idea.
Ask the rabbis.

Shalom.

I got it
right here.

Oh, come on.

Sorry, just
give me a second!

Shalom, Mr. Bloom.

Hey, Rabbi Rosenberg.

Mr. Bloom, Rabbi Twersky

would like to see you in his
office if you have a moment.

Oh, you know,
today I can't.

Today, believe it or not,

a moment is something
I just don't have.

I'm gonna have to
take a rain check.

Speaking of rain,
as you know,

every year to celebrate
the holiday of Tu Bishevat,

we ask the children
to donate money

to have a tree
planted in Israel.

Yeah,
I heard about that, Rabbi.

But when you think
about it, how many trees

do they really
need over there?

I feel like Israel is
pretty good on trees.

Which is why, Mr. Bloom,

we encourage the children to plant
a seedling in their own backyard.

You never picked up your
seedling, Mr. Bloom.

Oh, no, no, I'm fine. Oh, there it is.
Okay. Thank you.

Just try not to smoke it.

Clever.

Baruch Hashem.

Yes, bless God.
Bless everybody.

I ask you, sir. How many
bangs did Jesus hear?

This entire case is
dependent on your testimony

that on the night of January 7th...

This shit is horrible.
In college, I did Othello.

We all did.

Yup.

Aidan, Paul.

Can I just speak to you both
here for a quick second?

Yeah, sure. Hey, Terry.

Uh... Didn't your
agents call you?

We've decided to go
African-American with the role.

Oh. You've got to be kidding me, man.

I've been memorizing
this all week.

Does he have to be
a dark black person?

What if he were
light-skinned?

Uh...

I'm sorry, guys-

Whoa, whoa, whoa!
What about Ortega?

Ortega, there's a guy on
the witness stand, Ortega.

He's an older Hispanic man.

Hola, Señor.

I am on the witness stand
and I only heard one bang.

Uno bang.

There was only
one uno bang.

Not three. Uno-.

Aidan, please tell me
you're not

trying to be
an older Hispanic man.

I'm just trying to
show you my range, man.

I really, really
need a part.

I'm sorry, guys, all right?

If it's any consolation,
I thought you
were Hispanic.

Gracias.
De nada.

Fuck!

Oh,
yeah, do me like that.

Come on, harder, harder!
Oh, yeah.

Catch you at a bad time?

Dad, what the hell?

Trouble in the
bedroom, Aidan?

Men have man needs. Those
man needs need to be met.

Well, Sarah doesn't really care
about my man needs right now, Dad.

We have a lot going on.

So, you're taking things into your
own hands, so to speak.

Hilarious. Why haven't you
paid the yeshiva tuition, Dad?

I have aggro rabbis
stalking me in crosswalks.

It's like
an Orthodox zombie movie.

We need to talk. But can you
please clean yourself up first?

I can't talk to you with
your pants at your ankles.

Fine.

Kugel, no. Kugel!

Sorry.

I know you can't
stand the dog.

He's usually
so well trained.

If you trained that dog to
piss everywhere but the lawn,

then you did
an incredible job.

Pool looks good.

What are you growing,
typhoid or hepatitis?

What's going on
with the fence?

You have a nice little slice
of Mumbai back here, Aidan.

The yard has been this
way since we moved in.

Are you gonna comment on
it every time you see it?

I haven't gotten
a decent check

since I did that
dandruff commercial.

Ironically,
you still have dandruff.

What is going on with
the tuition checks, Dad?

We had a deal.
You said you'd cover it

as long as you got to pick the school.

And you did.

You have your
indoctrinated,

little religious
grandchildren.

You cannot make me hound
you for these checks.

The cancer's back, Aidan.

I didn't want
to worry you till
I knew for sure.

But now you do.
Now I do.

And it's pretty bad.

How bad is "pretty bad"?

It's metastasized
from my lungs, spreading.

Oh, my God.

Found this place
out in Malibu.

Treats your own stem cells
and then injects

them right back into you.
Good as new.

But I'm going to have
to pay out of pocket.

So...

So, I can't afford
the school anymore, Aidan.

I'm down to my last savings and
I decided to spend it on this.

So, you win.

My father has cancer, my children
have to drop out of school,

and I don't have a job. How
could I possibly be winning?

God works in
mysterious ways.

This is particularly
mysterious.

Oh, one more thing.

I'm gonna be
laid up for a while.

I'm gonna need you
to watch Kugel.

Oh! There's so much
bad news all at once.

What do we do?

What do you mean,
"What do we do?"
We move forward.

It's the only
direction God gave us.

Hi, sweetie.

Noah!

I know you're in there.
I can hear you trolling.

Noah, I'm not leaving!

Go away!

Dude, I drove all the way out here.
Open the fucking door.

What's the password?

Um... Is it,

"Your father's dying and
I need to talk to you"?

I knew that was it.

Sunlight, Noah.
Noah, sunlight.

Is Dad really dying again or
are you just crying wolf?

It's all over his body, Noah.
The wolf is here.

Kugel, no!

No, no, no,
don't stop him.

I can't stand
that fucking guy.

Get over here. Kugel!

Lie down.

Your can looks good.

You know when you make fun
of my trailer, Aidan,

you're making fun of
my inheritance from Mom.

She wanted me to
live how I choose.

And to be free to pursue
the goals that I have.

And what are
those goals?

I thought you
were gonna, like,

develop an iPhone app
or something.

No, no, fuck apps.
Fuck apps.

It's a saturated market.
I'm gonna start blogging.

Look, I have two
problems and one,

I think you might be
able to help me with.

What?
Kugel

Fuck off.
Dude, I can't
raise two kids

and go on auditions and
take care of this dog.

Absolutely not.

Are you kidding me?
This is our father.

Our father.
You have to rally with me.

Oh. Okay. So, when
you get old and sick,

everybody's just supposed to
forget that you were an asshole?

I know he's not easy.

Trust me, no one knows
that better than me.

What's the other one?

What?

You said that there
were two problems, Aidan.

I will help you with the
one that's not that dog.

The other one is that

he's gonna try an
experimental treatment now,

and he can't afford to send the
kids to the yeshiva anymore.

Well, it sounds like
you really got your hands full.

Live long and prosper.

Are you serious?
I gotta get back to work.

A blogger never rests. Don't
you dare leave that dog.

...as he searches
for his first love.

What a beautiful tortoise.

Can I say something that's
probably gonna piss you off?

I can't wait.

Why don't you
homeschool them?

Are you kidding me?
What are we, Amish?

I've been looking online and there's
a whole new movement out there.

Cities that public
schools are suffering,

some parents are
considering other options.

Dad, can we buy drugs
at our public school?

What?

Uncle Noah said he used to buy
drugs at his public school.

No, man, that was the '90s.

This is LA. There's a weed
pharmacy on every corner.

All you need is 50 bucks
and a headache.

Honey, don't tell him that.
If you're implying

you want me to give up acting,
you should just say it.

I think you should
give up acting.

I will not give up acting.

We can't afford
private school,

you're afraid
of public school.

It's the middle
of the school year.

You want to just drop these two
little indoctrinated matzo balls

into a school that's ranked
last in the district?

I agree with you,
but what's your plan, Dad?

Grace, what's the Hebrew
word for charity again?

Tzedakah.

Tzedakah.

Mr. Bloom, Baruch Hashem.

Please have a seat.

Do you ever
watch these YouTubes?

YouTube?
Yes, I've seen YouTube.

This kitten will not allow his
brother to sleep, no matter what.

You know kittens, they're
always doing something.

Mr. Bloom, please,
can I help you today?

Well, Rabbi,
as I'm sure you know,

my father has been paying
our tuition here at Hillel.

Unfortunately,
he's taken ill

and he can no longer afford
to cover us anymore.

Oh, yes, I've been
counseling your father.

I am deeply sorry
about his illness.

Thank you.

I hope you're not withdrawing
the children from this school.

That's the thing.

We could only afford to
go here with his help.

Ah, yes. You're the actor.

Yes.
Uh-huh.

And your wife
provides for the family

while you act.

Yes.

But I was hoping
that you might consider

giving us a little

tzedakah.

A tzedakah.

Mr. Bloom, if you want
to buy a gallon of milk

when you only have enough
money for a glass of milk,

you must first take that
money from somewhere else.

So, maybe you
decided that

this week you
will give up honey.

I'm not a honey guy,
but go on.

If I give you charity,

I must take away funds from
one of the several families

to whom we currently
provide assistance.

Families who actually
need the assistance.

Not just someone who's made
a choice to be an actor

and thusly cannot
provide for his family.

But what about my dream?

I mean, doesn't God believe
in my pursuit of happiness?

No! That's the Declaration
of Independence.

Thomas Jefferson
cared about your happiness.

God wants you to provide for
your family, Mr. Bloom.

God believes your family
deserves both milk and honey.

Well, thank you.

Thank you.

I'm sorry to
interrupt, Rabbi.

I'm sorry to interrupt
everyone. Grace!

Tucker, wake up!

Grace, Tucker, come on.

Put a wiggle in it.
Come on.

Let's go, please. So sorry, everyone.
It's beautiful.

Shalom. Sayonara.
Keep it real.

But I don't want to leave school.
I like it there.

And what about
all my friends?

You'll make new ff lends, okay?
Better friends.

It's a horrible idea.
You don't know anything.

What are you gonna teach them?
How to do the acting?

There's websites, Dad.
There's books.

It's only till the end of the semester.
We'll be fine.

You're burdening them
with your fears.

Just 'cause you got beat up in the
public school doesn't mean they will.

You got beat up?

No. No.
Oh, yes.

Tell them the truth.
They picked on him.

With his
Dungeons & Dragons

and scientific-fiction
movies.

I got in one fight.

You marry a half-Jew, you provide
your children with absolutely

no sense of spirituality
or faith in a higher power.

Now, for dessert, you
spoon-feed them all your fears.

It's a mess, Aidan.

Sweetie, look at
the outfit I got you today.

How cute is this?

I'm not wearing that.

Really?

I thought it
was so cute and...

Mom, do my clothes
embarrass you?

No. No.

Really, honey, they don't.

No, I want you to be
whoever you want to be.

"Whomever."

Whomever.

Then why do you want me to dress
like I'm on the Disney Channel?

I just thought that since
you're not going to yeshiva

that you might want to try
something more colorful.

What do you think?

I think that...

That God is testing
my faith right now.

And I probably shouldn't
make any drastic changes.

I'm sorry, Mom.

No, don't be sorry.
It's fine.

It's fine. Let's just
forget about it.

It's silly of me.

I'm gonna pray that God
helps Dad get a job and...

Mmm. Yeah.

...that Uncle Noah's
anti-depressants start to work.

And that you
get happy, too.

I'm happy, sweetie.

Mom, no, you're not.

I know you're a hermit
and everything,

but if you don't stop that
fucking dog from barking,

lam going to roll your
trailer off the cliff.

Kugel, shut the fuck up!

Why are you
wearing Muppet pants?

They're not
Muppet pants.

I'm working on my
outfit for Comic-Con.

Are you a Furry?

I hate that term.

I'm a character designer
of full-size plush toys.

So you're a Furry.

Do you ever
leave this trailer?

Are you always
so abrasive?

Well, does your trailer
always smell like

the Burger King
himself ate Grimace

and then shit him out
all over your living room?

Grimace is in
Ronald McDonald's posse.

Originally introduced in
November 1971 as "Evil Grimace."

You're mixing up your
fast-food character lore.

The fact that
you know that

has told me everything
I need to know about you.

You know, when your
brother was six years old,

we thought something
was wrong with him.

I remember
a psychologist at school

gave him
this battery of tests.

When they come out,
she says,

"He's not disabled.
He's a genius."

I remember strutting around and I was
going about my business thinking,

"I'm the father
of a genius."

Do you have any idea
how much pride I felt?

A lot.

I imagined us working together side
by side at the university one day.

High hopes.

Why is it that
whenever we're alone,

all you want to
talk about is Noah?

I can't even have a conversation with him.
I say hello, he says,

"How do you say
hello to me like that?"

Do you mind if I pick you
up after your treatment?

I have an audition that
I really want to go to.

This auditioning, when are
you gonna give that up?

I don't know, Dad.
But not yet.

Well, you can hardly call
yourself head of the household.

Thank you.
I know it's 2014.

In my time,
men would rather die

than let his wife work
her fingers to the bone

while he clowns around.

Okay, "clowns around."
You're forgetting

something that's
very important,

and that is that
Sarah loves her job.

She is living her dream.

Sometimes when I forget
to wear my underpants,

I get, like,
these little half-boners.

You know, like,
aspirational boners.

"Someday I'm gonna grow
up and I'm gonna be a full-on boner."

Hmm. "Just have to
work hard enough."

That was the half-boner talking.
I was doing his voice.

I figured that out, Jerry.

Can you please
stop talking?

'Cause I have
a shit-ton of work to do.

And I,
um, appreciate it.

Want a back massage?

Will you
please shut the fuck up?

You're so
fucking inappropriate.

This is not a frat house, Jerry.
It is a place of business.

Whoa. Easy, Jane Fonda.

Just trying to
have some fun at work.

Believe it or not, I don't
want to know about your dick.

Well, my dick doesn't want
to know about you, either.

Good.
How's that?

Yeah. So now
we're ignoring you.

Hi, Jesse.

Hi, Grace.

How come
you're not in school?

Bomb scare.
What about you?

We're gonna be
homeschooled.

Are you Amish?

No, we're Jewish.

But we just can't afford
private school anymore.

But I thought
Jews ran Hollywood.

I thought so, too.

Maybe we're in the wrong
tribe or something.

Anyway, it's just
till the end of the year.

I'm gonna go to Roosevelt
for seventh grade.

Me, too!
Really?

Yeah.
Cool.

Hey, um, so my sister always has
this big end-of-the-year pool party.

It's usually
pretty awesome.

Do you want to come?

No, thank you.
I never learned how to swim.

And I don't even
have a bathing suit.

Why not?

Well, God says
that a woman's

supposed to keep
her body covered up.

Okay, well, I guess you got a few
months if you change your mind, so...

Right. Cool.

Yeah. Okay, well,
I'll see you later.

Yeah. See ya.

Okay-

Bye.
Bye, Jesse.

Okay, good morning,
students.

Good morning.
Goodbye.

Okay, we'll start
with attendance.

Grace.
Here!

And Too-ker?

This is boring already.

Oh. We'll take
that as a "here."

Okay, I wanna focus on what
you're doing in school.

Grace, what are you currently
working on in school?

Geometry.

Geometry, geometry

This is the song
for geometry

Okay, who knows
what this guy is?

- Triangle!
- Great!

No extra points for yelling,
but you are correct.

Yay, recess!

No, no, no, no recess. Back, back,
back, no recess. Thank you.

And can you please sit on
your ass and not your head?

An ass is a donkey.

That's correct.
You get an A in biology.

- Dad?
- Yes.

I'm in honors math.

We're learning things like supplementary
and complimentary angles,

determining the area of a
three-dimensional shape, circumferences.

I know all that, Grace.
We're starting with...

We're starting with
some of the basic stuff,

and then going to
the good stuff, you know?

You go see Sting
in concert,

he's not gonna just jump
into The Police songs.

You're gonna have to
hear a couple hours of

some wacky stuff
with the dizzery-do.

Dad, I have to
take a choom.

What's a choom?

It's how we say
"shit" in school.

Swear jar!
I don't have any money.

See, that's where the whole swear
jar thing falls apart for me.

I'm the only one
putting money into it.

It's Hebrew for "brown."

Oh.

Got it!

You are free to leave the
classroom for your brown. Enjoy.

Grace, is this
triangle complimentary?

Or is it one of
those supplementary guys?

A triangle can't be
complimentary or supplementary.

Only the angles that comprise
it can be judged that way.

Right. Good.
Good, exactly.

The triangle that you drew,
albeit poorly, is isosceles,

meaning that at least two of
its sides are equal in length.

Right.

So, for example,

what angle is complimentary
to a 45-degree angle?

Well, if they're
gonna add up to 90,

it would be
a 45-degree angle.

Correct.
Yes!

Good. Now for
a supplementary angle...

Hey! Hey!
Tucker!

What are you doing, man? We're
in the middle of a lesson.

I lied about
having to choom, Dad.

I just wanted to
kill the triangle.

No! Well, turn it off. We are
in the middle of school.

This isn't fun time.

I was pretending
the triangle was Arab.

What? Oh, my God.
Who told you that?

Not all Arabs are bad.

Levi Goldfarb said all
Arabs want to kill Jews.

Well, Levi Goldfarb is wrong.
That's not true at all.

Well, how do we know
which ones are bad?

It's complicated,

and I didn't know we were
gonna get there on day one,

but, um, for starters
there's al-Qaeda.

The black weatherman?

No, that's Al Roker.

Al Roker wants
to kill Jews?

No, buddy, he's very good
friends with Matt Lauer.

I'm pretty sure he's Jewish.
We'll Google it.

Grace is
the teacher?

Yes, Grace is the
teacher for the minute.

Grace is so boring!

Don't say that.
No, I'm not!

I want to be the teacher!

Okay, you can be. What
do you want to teach us?

How to be an idiot.
Don't say that.

I am not an idiot! And
you're in love with Jesse.

No, she's not.
No, I'm not!

Then why did you write his
name all over your notebook?

You wrote his name
all over your notebook?

What is wrong with you?
Yeah, you know what?

That is my notebook! You should
not look in her notebook.

Jesse's gonna put
his penis on you!

- Stop fucking cursing!
- Swear jar!

We all ride a
merry-go-round of feelings.

Going round and round,

up and down,
from one emotion to another.

And I bet if you
think back over your day,

you'll realize
that you've been sad,

confused, happy or excited
at least once already.

I know I have.

But one of the best things about
feelings is sharing them.

See you next time.

What's going on?

I know it looks weird,
but they're having a lesson.

Aidan, why are the children
duct-taped to chairs?

They wouldn't listen to me.

I couldn't get
control of them, Sarah.

They asked about al-Qaeda. I have to
work on this audition for tomorrow,

and LeVar Burton seems to be the
only thing that calms them down.

Fortunately for us,
I have Roots.

Okay, this is
not gonna work.

You can't just
show the kids videos,

and you certainly can't
force them into learning.

Well, then what's
your idea?

Because they're fighting
every single thing I try.

We need to regroup.

Why don't we go to dinner?

Who's gonna babysit?

Lego Death Star is worth
three hours of babysitting,

if, and only if, it's in the box,
and said box is in mint condition.

It is. It's brand-new.

Can I keep them
taped up like that?

No. No.

I'll free them.
You've got three hours.

What's the happiest
you've ever seen me?

Surfing.

What? That was like
100 years ago.

It's the first thing
that came to my mind.

I remember I was lying on
the beach reading a book,

and you were
taking those lessons.

And I was watching you

and you kept
trying to get up,

trying to get up, and
then you finally got up.

And I couldn't see your face
'cause you were kinda far out.

I could just feel it,
this elation,

this pure Joy.

The happiest you've ever seen
me is a smile you never saw?

I guess, yeah.
Is that weird?

I suppose it's beautiful
in a bizarre kind of way.

What's the happiest
you've ever seen me?

You were doing a Shakespeare
thing outside at Northwestern.

Romeo and Juliet.

Yeah.

And no one was there.

I mean, no one was there.

There were a few people that
were there, but I get the point.

It wasn't even
a real show.

You were just, like, in the
middle of a soccer field.

It was a traveling
production.

And it was really
fucking thrilling to watch.

'Cause you loved words.
You loved poetry.

But I do remember
it kinda made me feel sad.

Why?

Honey, I want
to support you.

I really do
believe in you.

Why did seeing me love
Shakespeare make you sad?

I don't know.

I was terrified that
I'd never ever find

that kind of passion
in my life.

And the truth is,
I haven't.

I input data
into a spreadsheet.

Literally, a scanner
should be doing my job,

and there's just too much bureaucracy
for anyone to even notice.

One day you're gonna be running
that whole fucking place.

I don't want to run the
fucking water department.

Then what do you want to do?
I don't even know.

I don't know.
And you know what?

I don't have a second
to figure it out,

because I'm on
a fucking treadmill.

And if I stop,
our kids don't eat.

And it's all on me.

I just...

I thought you
supported my dream.

You said you
supported my dream.

When did this
relationship become

solely about
supporting your dream?

Hello?

Yes?

Oh, my God.

Dr. Becker,
what happened?

I told him the new-age
treatment was nonsense,

but desperate people
will try anything.

It didn't work?

The cancer's
progressed.

He's having
paraneoplastic symptoms,

his liver's
beginning to fail.

Can we see him?

Well, he's sleeping, but he's
right in here in ICU. Come.

Okay, okay,
let's just calm down.

What are you talking about, Noah?
Why would we not be calm?

Look,
before you freak out,

I still get
the Death Star.

What's happening,
Noah?

This.

Oh, my God!
What the fuck!

I am tired of you guys
not listening to me.

I just want to go back to
yeshiva and be with my friends,

and I am sick
and tired of Tucker

always teasing me
about Jesse.

Now everyone
will know who I am.

So you shaved your head?

Sweetie,
your beautiful hair.

Your beautiful hair.

You said that I would still be
pretty even if I shaved my head!

What? No, completely
out of context.

What are you
talking about?

I was talking about
the Orthodox wig thing.

This is not what
I was talking about.

I was just innocently playing
video games with the boy when...

Tucker!
Tucker, great kid.

Really a lot smarter
than I thought...

You let her shave her fucking head?
No, no!

You know, they were just
having their normal banter.

I certainly didn't
think that

she was gonna come out looking
like fucking Sinéad O'Connor.

Okay, I shouldn't
cry, right?

No, don't cry. It's just hair.
'Cause it's just hair.

It'll grow back in,
like, a year.

Go to your room!
What's going on?

Don't go to your room.
Go in the house!

I'll go to your room.
Go in the house!

Go inside. Feel better.
Feel better, kiddo.

And you get
the fuck out of here.

What about our
little Lego situation?

My child shaved her head
while you were babysitting.

You think you're getting
a Lego Death Star?

You're out of
your fucking mind.

You're a fucking
Indian giver.

You're a piece of shit
Indian giver.

And by the way, do you know
where I just came from?

Your father lying
comatose in the hospital

with wires and veins
and the thing in his nose.

I thought he was
on some sort of...

No, the treatment didn't work, man.
He's dying for real, okay?

How long does he have?

I don't know, but the fact
that you're asking that,

what, are you
gonna procrastinate?

Cancer means dying, Noah,
and you need to wake up,

because life is
happening all around you.

Oh.

Nice to see you,
Mr. Bloom.

Sorry it's under such
difficult circumstances.

I have something for you.

Sorry to throw all
of this at you now.

It does have to be dealt with
sooner rather than later.

He's very sick.
Counsel the actor.

Come over here. Don't
be fooled by all this.

It's all to cover their
asses so nobody gets sued.

I'm fine.

So, Dad, I'm confused.

You said there was
this experimental treatment.

They told me from
the beginning

it doesn't work
for everyone.

I rolled the dice.

But did Dr. Becker give
you any new information?

Did he say
anything about...

A few months.
Maybe a year.

Or as long as it takes
them to finish the 405.

If I died every time
he said I was gonna die,

I'd have more lives than
Shirley MacLaine. Jesus.

Did you see that pitch?

If Collins doesn't pull a new
pitcher out of the bullpen soon,

I'm gonna yank all these tubes
and jump out the window.

Hey, is there any
water over there?

Yeah.

You okay?

Yeah.

I mean, I guess, no.

It's funny,
you spend your whole life

hoping it'll all
mean something,

and ultimately
it really comes down to

one question in
a neatly folded pamphlet.

How should we deal
with your bones?

Honey, maybe you shouldn't be
looking at that right now.

How are the kids?

Scared.

Yeah.

I just always imagined

I'd have a better handle on what I
believed by the time we had kids.

And we got pregnant
so young,

and now I have these
little faces looking up

at me and I don't
know what to say.

I know, I'm with you.
Fuck if I know

what we're supposed
to be doing here.

As parents or on Earth?

Can I say both?

Gracie, wake up,
sleepyhead.

What's going on?

We're going
on a field trip.

I made you a bowl of
cereal, but I ate it.

Is Grandpa gonna die?

It looks
that way, sweetie.

Are we gonna bury him in the
backyard with Whiskers?

Oh, buddy, I don't think
we're allowed to do that.

We're gonna have to ask
Grandpa what he wants.

I think he'll want
to be with Whiskers.

All right,
guys, here we are.

Follow me.

Shouldn't
we set up our camp?

We'll do it later.
This way.

What are
we doing out here?

I'm showing you one of
the coolest places on Earth.

I'll race you
to the top.

Wow! Look at those legs!

Lookit, the little legs
are fastest!

This is it.
This is the spot.

What is it?

This is the spot where
I had one of the deepest,

most sincere, spiritual
moments of my life.

The last time I had an
epiphany, it was right here.

What's an "aniffany"?

An epiphany is when
you realize something

that you really
needed to realize.

You know, sometimes in life
you can get kinda stuck

and you feel like you should
have changed chapters by now,

but you can't.

Are you stuck because
Grandpa's dying?

Am I stuck because
Grandpa's dying?

Uh, yeah.

I think that's
one of the reasons.

And because you haven't worked
since that dandruff commercial?

That's in there, too.
Thanks for reminding me.

Well, the sun went down.

What do you guys say,
should we make a fire?

Yeah.

All right,
let's do it.

Help him out,
Grace, help him out.

Will Grandpa be able
to see us when he dies?

I don't know, buddy.
I don't know.

Nobody knows what
happens when you die.

There's as many opinions
as there are people.

And some people will tell you with
absolute certainty they know.

But they're wrong?

No. No, I'm not
saying they're wrong.

Right now I kinda
feel like they're lucky.

'Cause the rest
of us, until we

see something
that makes sense,

until we hear
something we believe,

we're kinda left
with nothing.

Tell us a ghost story.

I don't know any
ghost stories. Do you?

I'll think about it.

All right,
you think on it.

I can think
of one, too.

I know they usually end
with someone has a claw.

I could tell you
something Grandma

used to say to me
when I went to bed.

How about that?

- Okay.
- All right.

I remember
a little bit.

"And indeed there
will be time

"For the yellow smoke that
slides along the street

"Rubbing its back
upon the window panes

"There will be time

"There will be time

"To prepare a face to meet
the faces that you meet

"There will be time
to murder and create

"And time for all the works
and days of hands

"That lift and drop
a question on your plate

"Time for you
and time for me

"And time yet
for 100 indecisions

"And for 100
visions and revisions

"Before the taking
of a toast and tea"

Wake up,
sleepyheads.

It's time for school.

Did you have
an epiphany?

No. But I did have
a really good idea.

You can pick
any one you want.

Any one?
Any one.

Just as long as it is unique
and amazing like you.

Oh, hey, pal.
Come on in.

Oh!

Just watching this kitten video on YouTube.
This kitten is crazy.

Sorry, can I talk to
you about something?

Sure. Come on in. Have a seat.
What's on your mind?

It's just that I'm
having some trouble

getting used to
my cubicle partner.

Jerry? But he's hilarious.
Yeah.

It's just that he's a
little inappropriate and...

I know I'm
relatively new here.

So I don't want to ruffle
anyone's status quo.

But I think
it's time I let you know

that he's making
me uncomfortable.

Okay, so what did he say?

Well, he started
with saying that

when he's not
wearing any underwear,

that he gets these
little half-boners.

Mmm-hmm.

He also made it
talk to me.

Who?

His half-boner.

Well, what did it
sound like?

I don't know. It's
like a high-pitched...

Like a ghost voice.

Okay, but he didn't do a
black guy voice or anything, did he?

He didn't do
anything racial?

No, it was high-pitched.

Good.
Like a mouse.

Or, like I said, a ghost.

Like a ghost mouse.

Sure.

Okay, okay. Look, Sarah,

I know we don't
always run things

according to the book
around here,

but I think you need to
lighten up a little bit.

Nobody's trying
to touch you.

No one's making their
penis talk like a rapper.

So, I'll tell you what. lam going
to move Jerry out of your cubicle

and I'm also gonna tell him
to tone it down a notch.

But you need to promise
to smile a little more.

You know, a little
bit more Hakuna matata.

I don't know
what that means.

It means, "No worries for
the rest of your days."

No, I have two children, I
know it's from The Lion King.

I just don't understand how that
applies to the water department.

It means that you need to
lighten up a little bit, Sarah.

You've got something
everybody else wants.

Remind me
what that is.

A job.

Right.

Well, I guess technically
this could qualify as art class.

Hey, bud,
make sure you're cutting

along the lines
here that I drew, okay?

That's for the chest piece.
It's very special.

Aren't you a little
old for playing dress-up?

It's hardly playing
dress-up, Aidan.

It's for Comic-Con.
The top prize is $1,000.

Not to mention the chance for
some congratulatory poontang

from a super-hot Furry
I just met.

What's poontang?

It's what
the astronauts drink.

Can I have some poontang?
One day.

It's only available
in space.

Damn it.

So, hey, we're gonna meet
up at my house around 6:30

and then we'll
go see Dad, okay?

Oh, yeah, right. I've been meaning
to talk to you about that, Aidan.

You know, I got a ton of work
here and plus, I'm not going.

What?

Dude, what's the point? I haven't
seen him for, like, a year.

I guess my tolerance
for being called

a disappointment has
an expiration date.

You haven't spoken
to Dad in a year?

No. The last time he called
me was on my birthday.

I think my present was a
20-minute thesis on why I suck.

So you're just
gonna cut him off.

Dude, you gotta see this
from my perspective, okay?

You at least have
a wife and a family.

When he looks at me,
all he sees is failure.

Well, what about Grandma?

No. My mom believed in me.

With her,
things were different.

She at least made him
a tad bit nicer.

But with my dad...

Nope, never gave him any
reason to be proud of me.

All right,
let's try it on.

Well, what do you think?

So cool.
Awesome!

Aidan?

We both spent our entire lives
wishing we could be something great.

And now we're finally
called upon to do something

that requires some actual
bravery and you run and hide.

You know what the problem with
hiding in a fish bowl is, Noah?

Everyone can see you.

Come on, guys.
Let's go see Grandpa.

Grace, come on.

Bye, Uncle Noah.
I love you.

All right. Thanks.
Thank you.

I'm lost in balloons.
Right in here. Right in...

Look who it is, Grandpa!

Give Grandpa a hug.

Hey. Thank you.

Got you some balloons.

Mommy will put
those in the corner.

I'll take those.

What's wrong, Dad?

What'd these hippies
do to your hair?

Oh, it's just temporary dye, Dad.
She was just having a little fun.

Right, Gracie?
Yeah.

Looks like you work in the
world's oldest profession.

What's the world's
oldest profession?

Being an angel was the
very first job there was.

Beautiful angel.

I am your
angel, Grandpa.

I daven a healing prayer
for you three times a day.

Once in the morning,
once... Grandpa!

I bought you
a fart buzzer.

What's a fart buzzer?

It's this thing.

You press different
buttons

and it makes different
funny fart noises.

You may choose any
fart you would like.

I choose for you
the Ripper.

Oh, I see the homeschooling's
going well.

Tucker, do you know
your times tables yet?

No. But I know this.

I don't know if Grandpa's a
big fan of the fart buzzer.

- I'm gonna take the fart buzzer.
- Put that away.

You gotta learn
those times tables.

Oh, he's just working
on addition, Dad.

Yeah. He's six.

I know my times tables.

Yeah, there you go. We got
someone who knows them there.

Good. Study hard.
Don't become an actor.

Well, maybe I'll
take the kids outside.

No, sweetie. Don't, no, no,
no one's going anywhere.

Yeah, I think maybe
it's time to take them.

It's fine when you're
playing around in college.

But sooner or later you have
to provide for your family.

You're gonna need
those times tables.

Well, maybe Tucker
will have a wife

who loves him
and supports him.

And will remind him of the answer
if he occasionally forgets.

Maybe he'll marry someone
that enables his fantasies.

Lets him sit around waiting
for a dream to come true

while his children sit dumbfounded
by the edge of a muddy pool.

Grace can't even swim,
for God's sakes.

Um, grandpa,
I found something for you.

Something that
you're gonna need.

What, my angel, my hope?

What the hell am I gonna
do with welder's goggles?

Well, here,
put them on.

You look good.

Now, when you head into the white
light, you won't have to squint.

So you can find Grandma.

Guys, that was fantastic.

Why don't you
take a break?

Terrific job.

It was beautiful,
you guys.

- Really nice.
- Thanks.

I'm not here to convert.

Good, 'cause I've
already met my quota.

Have a seat.

You know, I was
kosher until I was 13.

Really?

Yeah.

Yeah. My father told me that I was
officially a man at my Bar Mitzvah.

So I told him that,
as a man,

I wanted to have a bacon
double cheeseburger.

I think I saw
his head explode.

But to his credit,
he let me eat

whatever I wanted
outside the house.

I think I impressed
him with my logic.

What brings you
to temple, Aidan?

When we were kids,
my brother and I

used to pretend
we were these

superhero space-men.

We'd go out to
the woods behind our house

and pretend it was
this mystical planet

and we were the only ones
who could save everybody.

But I've been thinking
about that a lot lately.

Remembering those fantasies
for the first time in, like,

14 years.

What do you
think it means?

I don't know. And I'm even
embarrassed to say this out loud,

but if I can't say it to you,
I can't say it to anybody.

Do you think

God is trying to
tell me something?

Trying to guide me
in some way?

And if you say He works in mysterious
ways, I will run out that door.

Do you feel any spiritual
connection at all to anything?

Infinity.

Looking up at
the sky with my kids

and trying to explain to them
that it goes on forever.

I do feel
a spirituality in that.

Could that be God?

God can be whatever
you want him to be.

You're getting
tangled in semantics.

Try not to get caught up in the
God who wants you to be kosher,

and the God who wants
you to study the Torah.

Start with God as
the infinite universe,

and imagine that
that force may be

trying desperately
to guide you

through the most challenging
part of your life.

Even if it has to appear to you
in the form of a space-man

to get you to listen.

Why does Grandpa
have baby jellyfish?

Those aren't
jellyfish, buddy.

Believe it or not,
those are contact lenses.

Your grandpa saved all the
contact lenses he ever wore.

Why?

He said he just couldn't
bear to throw them out

'cause it's
everything he ever saw.

It's weird, right?

I know, but it's kinda
good-weird. I like it.

Well, he must have
seen a lot of stuff.

He did. If you think about
it, all those years,

all the things that he saw with
his eyes through those lenses.

Also, before he retired, he
was a microbiology professor.

What's that?

That's someone
who studies things

you can only see
with a microscope.

So, really, really,
really tiny things. Hey!

I know the albums
are fascinating,

but I could use a little help
getting this place set up

so it's nice and cozy for
when Grandpa comes home.

So, if Grandpa's dying,
then why is he coming home?

Because we don't want Grandpa to
be alone in a scary hospital.

We want him to come home and be
with his family, be with us.

So we're making him all cozy so
he's happy when he meets God?

Yeah.

Whoa! When did Grandpa
have this cool car?

Look at that thing.

That, my friends, is a '62 Cadillac.
Look at those fins.

Look how happy
he was, huh?

Why, this was
taken at a dealership.

He could never
afford that car.

That sucks.

It does suck.

It's cool.

Hello.
Welcome to Aston Martin.

Hello. Um,
my name is Marco

and I work for Sean "Puff
Daddy" "Dirty Money" Combs.

Um, these are
Puffy's children,

and he's asked me to
come in and test drive

the new Aston Martin
DB9 Volante.

Can I talk to you
for a second?

Of course.

Please, come right here.

Be good, children.

I know what
you're thinking.

"Why are Puffy's
kids white?"

Valid question.

Well, so many celebrities were
going and adopting black children.

You know what he went and did?
Mmm-mmm.

He went to Switzerland and adopted
these two skim-milk popsicles.

Tucker! Do not.
Tucker, it's not funny.

I know what
you're trying to do.

You do?

Do you know how many
people walk in here

and try to sweet-talk
their way into

test-driving one
of these bad boys?

So annoying.
Hey! I never fall for it.

But I can see
your daughter's sick.

So, you know what?
I'm gonna make an exception.

And you don't even
look good in the wig.

So take it off,
like, seriously.

- No way.
- It's my wig.

She is sick, isn't she?

Have some respect.

So sick.
Mmm...

Okay, attendance.

Grace.
Here!

Tucker.
Here.

What's your name?
Anthony.

Anthony's here, too, Dad.

All right, Anthony.
Welcome to our classroom.

Now, kids, unless
you're on the Autobahn,

you're never gonna get a
car like this up to speed.

So in a city like LA,

it's really about
what it sounds like

when you floor it
from a full stop.

Yes, but, kids, we're
on Robertson Boulevard.

So there will
be no flooring it

from a full stop,
will there be?

No, sir.
Thank you.

Did I scare you?

I thought if I ever
saw you here alone,

you'd be putting
a pillow over my face.

I looked.

You're lying on
the only two in the room.

I've been watching
the paramedics

come and go for
the last half-hour.

And every few minutes
they race in at full speed

doing everything they can
to save someone's life

and then a few
minutes later,

they all walk outside
and smoke cigarettes.

You never really think about
death until you're here.

Chemicals pumping into your veins
while you watch Maury Povich.

I'm unclear which one
is killing me faster.

Can I offer you
some saline?

I'm glad to see you're
keeping your sense of humor.

What else am I
supposed to do?

Eventually things
get tragic enough

and they circle
back to comedy.

Yeah.

You know, I don't think
I ever told you this,

but when I lost my sister, you were
the most helpful person to me.

Really?
Yeah.

I mean, I'm glad if I was, but I
don't even remember what I said.

You said,

"Nothing in life will call
upon us to be more courageous

"than facing
the fact that it ends.

"But on the other side of
heartbreak is wisdom."

I said that?

Yeah.

That was good advice.

And now here I am, a shiva
waiting to happen.

Well, the wisdom
that came out for me

was that the things left
unsaid stay with us forever.

I wish nothing more

than if I could tell my
sister how much I loved her

and that I
always idolized her.

But we never said
those things.

We just weren't
like that.

And suddenly one day
she's gone.

And I have all
these things to say,

but no one to say them to.

Both my boys
know how I feel.

Are you sure, Gabe?

I told them
I wanted to retire.

I lied.

They pushed me out.

'Cause I wasn't keeping
up with technology.

Don't let anyone
push them out.

Have you told them this?

What is this?

Is this an intervention?

Did you come here to tell
me howl failed as a father?

No!

Not at all. You've raised
two incredible boys, Gabe.

They may not
have quick answers

or awards
on their mantles.

In fact, neither one
of them has a mantle.

But they're incredible,

with big, sensitive hearts.

And right now
they need to know

how much their
father loves them.

Barbara used to help you with the
hard part of parenting, right?

She made everyone
around her happy.

She just brought out
the best in me.

I think if she were here right
now she'd tell you that

your boys will remember this time
for the rest of their lives.

It will shape who
they are as men.

You're gonna make a great
matriarch one day.

I already am
a great matriarch, Gabe.

At least
I'm working on it.

Today, we are going to Mr. Miyagi
the shit out of this fence.

Who's Mr. Miyagi?

Mr. Miyagi is
an older Asian man

that taught me
many life lessons.

The point is I'm sick of
looking at this fence.

Today we're gonna fix it.

Tucker, where's
your drill?

It's under my pillow.
Please go get it.

Whoa-hem Okay,
Grace, some up here.

Hop on the diving board.

Okay-

You are going to
recite this poem

while Tucker and I
work on the fence.

Then we'll switch.

This is weird.

Think of it as a prayer you're
not expecting anyone to answer.

All right, Tuck, good. Come over here.
Put the drill down.

We're gonna use it later
when we put 'em back up.

Come over here
with this crowbar.

And the point is to jam it in
here and then use your leverage.

Slide your arms down.
Yeah!

Oh! You're
a natural at this.

Next up, we're gonna
re-plaster that pool.

"Something there is
that doesn't love a wall

"That sends the
frozen-ground-swell under it

"And spills the upper
boulders in the sun

"I let my neighbor
know beyond the hill

"And on a day
we meet to walk the line

"And set the wall
between us once again

"Before I built a wall
I'd ask to know

"What I was walling in
or walling out

"And to whom I was
like to give offense

"Something there is
that doesn't love a wall

"That wants it down"

Hey-

That's a load of colors.
Uh-huh.

What's going on
back there?

I'm comforting you.

You've been going
through a lot lately.

Thank you, baby.

I really need to be
comforted right now.

Good night
all the moonlight ladies

Rock-a-bye sweet baby James

Deep greens and blues
are the colors I choose

Won't you let me
go down in my dreams?

And rock-a-bye
sweet baby James

Where are the kids?

They're plastering
the pool.

Aidan!

I'm on a break.
They don't deserve a break.

They need to work harder.

This is the little hand that took
so long to plaster anything.

I missed you.

What do you mean you missed me?
I've been right here.

No, you haven't been.

I haven't seen you
in a while.

But I'm glad you're
here, Mr. Bloom.

I am Khaleesi,
Queen of the Dragons.

You are Khaleesi

and I am the brown guy
who died.

I can't remember my name, but
I think it might be Drago.

This is awesome.

I've never heard of post-sex
role-playing, but I like it.

I have to tell
you something,

and I don't want
you to go crazy.

What?

It's all under control,

but I just feel like it's
something you should be aware of.

Sarah, what?

You know that guy Jerry

that I share my cubicle
with at work?

Yeah?

He's been acting kind
of inappropriate lately.

Is he, like, trying to
touch you or something?

No, no, no,
nothing like that.

It's more like
doing stuff like

making his penis talk.

Are you fucking
kidding me?

Honey, honey,
calm down.

Well, did you talk
to Human Resources?

I talked to my boss and he
told me to sing Hakuna Matata.

Are you...

Where does he live? I'll
go fucking talk to him.

I don't need my husband
to come to my rescue.

I can handle this.

I feel like I should, like,
I have to talk to him.

I wanna fucking kill him.

You can't.

I can't believe you're just
telling me about this now.

Honey. I told you I didn't
want you to go crazy.

Hey, hey. Hi, George.

Hey, Dad.

Yes.

Hey. Oh, your lips
are so chapped, Dad.

Here's some ice.
George is slacking on you.

There you go.
There you go.

Much better.
That feel good?

Remember when
that ice cream truck

would come around
when you were little?

Yeah.

You and Noah would hear
the music and light up.

And the three of us would chase
after him till he stopped.

Were there fireflies?

I can't remember.

Dad, you know there's
no fireflies in Los Angeles.

I wanna remember it
with fireflies.

What was that I always
used to get? I forgot.

Your favorite was
the toasted almond.

Toasted almond.
Yes, sir.

I'll have one of those.

Okay-

That's the last thing
I wanna taste, Aidan.

Okay, you got a deal.
I'll bring it to you.

Wouldn't it be great if your
brother could be there, too?

That would be great, Dad. That
would be really, really great.

You promise me.

Promise me you'll try
to make that happen.

Yeah. I...

I need to see him.

I wanna make amends.

I promise.

I promise you.

Okay-

Get some sleep.
Why don't you take a nap?

Let me lead
the way, Captain.

Let me
lead the way, Captain.

Let me... These Ractonians.
It's Ractonian.

Let me lead
the way, Captain.

These Ractonians
could be hiding anywhere.

I'm sorry to bother you,
have you seen this show?

No one's seen this show.

It's an insult to sci-fi.

Captain Kirk's probably
turning over in his grave.

Well, technically Captain
Kirk isn't even born

until 2233,
but that's irrelevant.

Sorry, I'm a bit
of an aficionado

and this dog shit is the reason
the genre gets no respect.

Let me lead
the way, Captain.

Can I give you
one thought, though?

Sure.

I don't mean to be presumptuous at all.
No. Yeah.

But I just was listening to
you and I just thought...

You're the first one
off the ship.

You don't even have a name.

Okay, now we don't
have the whole script,

but the guy has two
lines in the first act

and he's gonna be the
first one off the ship.

He's gonna die.

Of course he's gonna die!

He's seconds away from getting
his whole head blown off

by a bunch of Ractonians, okay?

So, just factor that in.

Amp up the fear a little bit.
Right.

This is probably the
single scariest moment of

Random Crew Member Number One's life.
Absolutely.

So, there's nothing
cavalier about it.

No. Right. Right. He's
focused and terrified.

Thank you.
Sure, just...

Why are you helping me?

I have no idea.

It makes no sense,
but, you know, whatever.

Careful, it could
be kindness.

Oh, God, I hope not. I'll get
eaten alive in this town.

His outfit's amazing.

That's his
first costume?

Yeah.

Replacing your own pool filter

is challenging,
but a lot of fun.

One thing's for certain. You're
gonna need some skilled helpers.

That's really
good, buddy.

Yeah, get all that gross stuff off.
You're doing awesome.

Hello?

Yeah, yeah, put him on.

Dad? Are you okay?

Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. I'm coming.
I'm coming right now.

Was that Grandpa?

He wants me to bring him
a toasted almond.

Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah!

I'm so glad we're neighbors.

Yeah?

I thought you
might want to know

that your father might pass
away at any moment now.

I think you should come home.

What's wrong?

I've been talking to him a lot,
Noah, and he wants to apologize.

He wants to make amends, he
wants to make things right.

We've been
over this, Aidan.

Look, I've been
thinking and...

Maybe you don't realize this
until you have kids of your own,

but being a father
is really hard.

Look, uh, Aidan,
I gotta go.

Please, Noah.

Let me talk to him.

Not now, sweetie.
No.

Uncle Noah?

Hi, it's Grace.

Did Janine like
the costume?

Did she give you
some poontang?

Uh, yeah, she sure did.

Uncle Noah, I've never asked
you for anything, have I?

No.

I didn't get mad when you
forgot my birthday or Hanukkah

or that time you got drunk
and peed in my closet.

Uh, well, Grace,
I got locked in there.

Somebody locked
me in there.

I want you to
come see Grandpa.

Are you okay?

Grace, um, can I
tell you a secret?

Yeah.

I'm scared.

Losing my mom was the hardest
thing I've ever been through.

I don't know if I
can take it again.

I know that you're sad.

But we're sad, too.

And we should
all be together.

Listen.

I know that you
don't believe in God.

But maybe you can
believe in family.

Uncle Noah?

He hung up.

What?

Maybe we got disconnected.

But it kind of
felt like he hung up.

Here it is.

Dad, I think I see the guy who
sits next to Mommy at work.

No. Did you ever
hear of the drink Kefir?

Sounds gross.

It isn't. Well,
I'm gonna get a Kefir.

Okay, hold this.
I'm gonna go talk to him.

Dad, not now. Grandpa!

It's only gonna
take a second.

Are you into
any of these products?

I don't drink dairy.

You don't
drink dairy?

How do you get
all your protein?

Vegetables.

Don't take veggies. You
never had cream in your coffee?

Depends on the cream.

Don't you like your
cake with frosting on it?

I do.

Wouldn't you like
a milky, like, sweet,

like, strawberry kind of,
you know, yogurt?

Excuse me,
are you Jerry?

The guy with
the talking dick?

Yeah. I told you.
Who the hell are you?

My name is Aidan Bloom.
I'm Sarah's husband.

Oh!

Oh, hey.

How you doing?
Nice to meet you.

I have been racking
my brain trying

to figure out how to
handle this situation.

Situation?

If you ever so much as
exhale near my wife again,

I promise to sue you
for sexual harassment.

Stay away from my wife,
you wretched piece of shit.

Dad?

That did not
go as planned.

Are you okay?

I think you
lost, Dad.

Here, put this
on your eye.

We gotta go. Come on.

Hey-

Honey, oh, my God!
What happened to your eye?

I ran into Jerry
at the supermarket.

Oh, my God.

Hey, Dad, I'm here.

Look, I'm here.
Toasted almond.

What happened
to your eye?

Oh. Don't worry
about it, Dad.

Don't worry about
that at all.

The point is
I'm here, okay?

I'm here and Sarah's here
and the kids are here.

And the rabbis are here
and we all love you.

I'm sorry, I don't think
Noah's gonna make it, Dad.

I did everything I could.

Hmm.

Thank you, Aidan.

For what, Dad?

For doing your best to hold this
family together when I couldn't.

How did you
get that shiner?

I ran into someone who's been
harassing Sarah at work.

So, yes.

You went after him, huh?

I tried.

That takes guts.

Good for you.

You showed up.

How are you feeling?

I'm not afraid.

Isn't that funny?

I thought
I'd be afraid.

I think that's the bravest
thing I've ever heard.

- Really?
- Yeah, I really do.

You promise?

I promise you.

Do you see that

or is God very different
than I imagined?

Noah! That's Noah,
Dad. You made it?

Dad, it's Noah.
He made it.

Noah, you're a warrior.

No, I just won a contest.

But you won.

Yeah.

Yeah, Dad, I won.

I'm so proud of you.

I'm so tired.

Hold my hands.

Right here.
Right here, Dad.

We love you.

If there's a next time,
I'll do better.

So fast.

Try to remember
how fast it goes.

When we were kids, Noah and I used
to pretend that we were heroes

with swords, the only ones
who could save the day.

But perhaps we set
the bar a little bit high.

Maybe we're just
the regular people.

The ones who get saved.

Hey!

Oh, my God!

Dude! This is because
of you. I got that part.

Oh, my God!
Yeah.

They fucked you up.

Yeah, no,
you were totally right.

Soon as I get off the ship, there's
fucking Ractonians everywhere.

I got crushed.

By the way,
what's your name?

I'm Aidan.
Hey, I'm Paul.

Nice to meet you. No, thank
you again for that note.

I was just talking about you in a meeting.
I didn't have your number.

I work with this little
theater company in Topanga.

Have you ever given
any thought to teaching?

Not... No, no.

Well, look, we have these
classes for college kids

and we're looking
for somebody new.

The pay is just okay, but
the people are amazing.

You should come by
and give it a look.

Really?
Yeah.

They'd love you.
Would you come by?

That'd be really cool.
I'd be honored.

Really? You'll come?
Yeah.

I'd give you my number,
but I doubt

you have a phone in
your little onesie.

Yeah, no, I don't, but I've
got places I can put things.

All right, let's do it.
My trailer's right here.

Will you come with me just two seconds?
Of course.

Yeah, thank you.
Wonderful.

The Blooms are
willing to drop both

the sexual harassment
and public-battery charges

as long as we give her a year's
paid salary and you agree to this.

Ostensibly, it's a sexual
harassment workshop.

The Blooms are adamant
that you need to attend.

What the hell
is this?

Well, it's typically
a three-month course,

but the Blooms are insisting
that you take it seven times.

Oh! Also, you're fired.

Hi.
Hello.

Are the Gilberts home?

Nobody home.

Oh, it's okay. I'm a
friend of the Gilberts

and they asked me to come by and fix
the drain at the bottom of their pool.

But I'm leaving.

Oh, that's okay. I'll close the
gate behind me. Thank you.

Mmm, AC feels good.

Dad, this is
so embarrassing.

Don't worry. The Gilberts are in St.
Tropez all spring.

It's their own
fault for bragging.

Now before I let school
out for the semester,

we're gonna get you
ready for Jesse's party.

I'm scared.

I know.

I want you to jump in.

But I don't know
anything about swimming.

I know, sweetheart. I want you to jump in.
I'm gonna be here for you.

If I die, I'm gonna
be so pissed at you.

We have a deal.

Do it. Go for it.

What lady is that, which doth
enrich the hand of yonder knight?