All language subtitles for The.Sex.Lives.Of.College.Girls.S01E06.PROPER.WEBRip.x265-ION265_English

Hey, Jocelyn.

Would you ever tag me
in one of your videos?

- I'd love to get more followers.
- I'll do it for 50 bucks.

Whoa, Whitney, you look like shit.

Uh, sorry. I didn't realize
this dorm meeting was a formal event.

No, it's amazing.

You look like a celebrity
taking out the trash.

I wish I had the confidence
to look that bad.

All right. My favorite FreshThem.

As you know, it is parents' weekend.

My juggling group
will be performing at brunch

if you're looking
for something super fun to do.

Whitney, I'd love to fit in
a quick TikTok with your mom.

I mean, it is sponsored by Chex Mix,

so she cannot mention
any other crunchy snack brands.

All right. Look. I get that my mom
is exciting, but my dad's coming too.

-He's pretty cool. He's a musician.
-I can't find him online. Is he famous?

He's a very well-respected bassist
in the Bay Area.

Well, if your mom wasn't a senator
that probably would be cooler.

Frude, I'm just gonna jump in here
for a second.

Before our families arrive,

I think we should all quickly
share any lies we've told them

that we'd like each other to corroborate.

-Hell yes. Yes, that's smart.
-Yes.

Finally, an actual reason
to have one of these meetings.

-Hey.
-I'll start.

My parents think I'm a neuroscience major,
which I'm clearly not.

Also, they think I've washed my sheets.

I told my dad that all of our textbooks
come from Net-a-Porter

and that is why he's getting charges.

-Ooh, good one.
-My parents think I go to church

every weekend.

I made up a priest.

His name is Father Steve,

-and he's guiding me on my faith journey.
-So good

I told my mom I joined
the Young Republicans.

I didn't.
I'm just trying to fuck with her.

-But please, corroborate.
-My parents cannot know I'm gay.

-Uh...
-What?

Only when he changes his shirt.

All right, I have about 50 of them.

All right.
No one mention my fake ID business,

or my OnlyFans, or my--

I'm leaving the room.

I cannot hear these things
and I am leaving the room.

So I said to Barack,

"You cannot break the glass ceiling
without getting some glass in your eye."

-God, my mom is so fake, it's insane.
-I think she's very inspiring.

-Are you wearing, like, an African dress?
-It's not African. It's tribal-themed.

I was invited to the Black Affinity House.
I wanted to show some respect.

Well, you look like a Nigerian prom queen.

-Damn it.
-I'm sorry.

Hey, do you know how fancy this restaurant
Leighton chose for tonight is?

Some websites are saying
three out of four dollar signs

and others are saying four.

Yeah, I have no idea.

-Hi.
-Senator Chase.

That was incredible.
Representation matters.

I think it was Frederick Douglass
who once said--

I can't. I'm sorry. I can't.

Do you mind getting a scone or something?

Absolutely.

-Is that girl wearing a dashiki?
-She is.

Hey, Mom, I wanted to talk to you
about something.

It's kind of personal.

Well, can we do it Sunday
between 3:30 and 4:30?

I have a board meeting
and then I have to cut the ribbon

for a new all-gender bathroom
at the business school.

You know what? Never mind.
I'll just see you at the restaurant.

-It's whatever.
-Thanks, honey, for being so flexible.

No, no, no. Guys, we gotta
throw the leaves much higher.

They gotta explode up into the air, okay?

Dad, can we please stop, all right?
This is so embarrassing.

Honey, this picture
is very important to me.

I have dreamed of us being an Essex family
since you were a baby.

Come on. I want it to be perfect.

What about the student loan protest
behind us?

They're lucky
they even have student loans.

I don't know.
Maybe I can scrub it out later.

Okay. Let's just go again real fast before
the sun goes behind the library tower.

Okay. Everybody, get 30% more leaves. 30%.

These are artisanal foliage,
very expensive.

Big smiles, perfect family.
Perfect family.

Holy shit.

Okay. Here we go.

Leighton, pay attention.

My facialist begged me
to stay out of the sun.

-Sorry.
-Protect Mommy's face.

Here we go. Three, two, one. Leaves.

-Perfect. That's the one. That's the one.
-We did it.

That's my shit right there.

Yes! Perfect New England family.

So this is my absolute favorite class.

It's called Biochemistry and Biophysics.

It meets twice a week,
but honestly, it's so fun,

I wish it met three times.

It seems so impressive, Beta.

So many smart-looking boys.

-Yeah. These are my people.
-Good afternoon.

It's nice to see
the parental elements that combined

to create the student compounds.

- Dad, cool it.
- He's a very funny man.

Don't scratch that car.

Dad, you're not gonna be a dick
to Whitney's mom, right?

No one needs Sean Hannity
at dinner tonight.

No, I'm not gonna be a dick.

I'm only gonna ask about
her insane stance on inheritance tax.

So this is the nicest restaurant
near campus?

-So sorry it's not the Polo Lounge.
-It's just so earnest.

Mom, it's good. Chill.
Leight, you picked a great place.

I love how unpretentious
you are, Nicholas.

You've gotten so built
since you've been here.

I hardly recognize you.

Still doesn't make it
any more socially acceptable

that you wanna have sex with him.

-Leighton Murray.
-Jesus Christ, Leighton.

Please don't suggest that your mom
wants to have sex with your brother.

It's disgusting. Plus, Nico could do
so much better than me.

-Yes.
-Let's just find our table.

Wonderful.

Hi.

-Oh! There's my girl.
-Hi.

Ah...

All right. Uh...

You're wearing this?

I mean, it's on my body, so yes.

Well, you know what? With this figure,
you could pull off anything.

Your dad's not here yet.

You can stay out here if you want to.

Oh, no.

I was so worried about underdressing
that we overdressed.

Nonsense. We look festive. Come on.

-Hey.
-Hi.

-I'm sorry we're late.
-Are you going to an event after this?

Um, we're only attending this dinner.

Oh, I think they look great.
Well, welcome.

They're excited to be here. As am I.

I told my security,

"Unless the President is dead,
do not interrupt me."

I brought little surprise gifts
for the girls.

-Here you go.
-I see.

The elderly woman across the street

-makes them.
-Thank you.

Keeps her dementia at bay, so...

-Thank you, Mrs. Finkle.
-Sure. They're purse hooks.

You can hang them, and then our bags
never have to touch the ground.

Bela, you should invent
something like this.

Like that woman who invented the underwear
that pulls your stomach in.

She's very rich.

Yeah. Yeah. I've invested.
I'll tell you that.

Evette, can I just say
what an honor it is to meet you?

Thank you.

Can I ask, did you fly here private
or first class on the taxpayers' dollar?

Dad.

I actually do fly private
because of the death threats.

You must know what it's like
to have people want you dead.

LEIGHTON
I'M SORRY ABOUT MY DAD.

That's great. That's great.
Beautiful and funny.

WHITNEY - NO, IT'S MY MOM'S FAULT TOO.
KIMBERLY - LET'S GET THIS OVER QUICKLY!!!

BELA
I'M LOVING THIS ACTUALLY!

Oh, I'm sorry. I forgot. It's a crime
to give a woman compliments now.

Well, when I hear one, I'll let you know.

Super chilly outside, isn't it?

Yeah. How cold do we all think it is?
Mom, do you wanna guess?

-Jeez, I'd love to.
-Okay.

"Price upon request."

They never do that when it's cheap,
do they?

-Is this place okay, Kimberly?
-This is a lovely choice, Leighton.

If everyone's ready,
I'll flag down the waiter.

-Yes.
-Sorry.

I think we're still waiting for my dad,
if that's okay.

-I mean, did he give an ETA?
-I'm sure he'll be here very soon.

This bread is so pretty.

I'm gonna take a picture for your dad.
He loves art.

Iceberg lettuce? So white!

Iceberg wedge salad?
How white is this restaurant?

THERE'S BIRYANI
IN THE FRIDGE AT THE HOTEL.

GUYS! NO MORE HINDI!

Yay!

That's a good one.

Everyone, well, I'd like to say

what a delight it is
to see all of you again.

And so to that end,
I will be treating tonight.

Oh, that's so generous.
Thank you so much.

No, no, we should split it.

Mr. Malhotra, it really seems like
he would like to pay.

-I cannot allow that.
-Dude, just let him pay!

I actually insist we split it.

Legally, any gift or meal that I receive
over $50 is considered a bribe.

-Okay.
-Just so you know,

the purse hooks were under $50.

-Are you okay?
-Yeah.

-You're just scratching your neck a lot.
-It's fine. It's hives.

It's normal. Excuse me.

I get it. My hives are disgusting.
I think this dress is making it worse.

Take my credit card
for your share of dinner.

-No.
-You are clearly stressed out

about how much it costs.

All right, I feel terrible.

Then why did you choose
such an expensive restaurant?

There are things on this menu that cost
more than my mom's plane ticket here.

Just please take my card.

My parents won't even notice it
on the statement. Really. Just...

Please?

Thank you, Leighton.

Everything good?

I'm sorry. We really need to order.
My wife's blood sugar is spiking.

It's true. I could faint.

Maybe Nico could catch me
with those strong arms.

Mom, chill. Just have some bread.

-I don't need bread.
-Stop it.

Why would you tell me to stop it?

Please stop it.
You're embarrassing your daughter.

- I'm not embarrassing.
- It is parents' weekend.

BELA - HEY IS IT JUST ME, OR DOES
LEIGHTON'S MOM WANT TO FUCK HER SON?

It is parents' weekend,
so act like one.

KIMBERLY - IT'S NOT JUST YOU.
LEIGHTON - IT'S NOT JUST YOU.

- What's do you mean?
- You know what it.

BELA - CAN'T BLAME HER, THO!

Let's get to the important stuff.

Your love lives. Who has a boyfriend?

Mom, we've literally been here
for, like, six weeks.

Whitney, you're gorgeous.
I'm sure someone's caught your eye.

Not really. I'm too busy with soccer
to have a boyfriend.

Oh, boo.

Oh, excuse me. I have to take this.

Can you order my dad the rack of lamb?
He'll be here so soon.

Yeah, of course.

Thankfully for us, Bela has never
been too distracted by boys.

-What's so funny?
-Bela is the biggest--

Bookworm. I'm always studying.

The Asian way. Very smart of you.

Kimberly, what about you?
Are you dating anyone?

Oh, no. I don't have a dating--
A boyfriend. I'm not dating a boyfriend.

-Oh, your nerves say otherwise.
-Are you seeing someone?

No, I'm definitely not.

Mom, stop badgering them.

Maybe they don't want to discuss
their private lives with you.

I'm ordering.

Hey. Are you at the train station?
I can take Mom's car and come get you.

Honey, I'm in San Jose.

- You're in San Jose? Why?
- Actually, pretty exciting.

The Barbary Coast needed a bassist
to fill in tonight and I said yes.

- But it's parents' weekend.
- I know, honey.

-I wish I could be there.
-But, Dad--

Are you serious?

Honey, I just wanna make
something of myself.

- Uh, I'm happy for you.
- I love you.

- Love you too.
- Have fun.

Kimberly and her mother are so sweet.

Bless their hearts.
And this sad little thing...

Mom, that was a gift.

At least wrap it in a paper towel
or something

-before you throw it in the trash.
-Whatever.

Isn't it funny how the ones
with the cheapest purses

are always the most concerned
about getting them dirty?

Okay, I get it, all right?
You hate my roommates.

-Great. Let's move on.
-I don't hate them. They're just--

They're not as sophisticated
as your friends back home.

And you have to admit,
these girls are quirky.

As quirky as you?
An anorexic housewife who shoplifts?

Mom, I'm sorry. I didn't mean--

You think you are so much better than me,

but, sweetheart,
you and I are exactly the same.

Well, Carol, thank you.
This is so convenient. Thank you so much.

You're welcome.

Wait. This shit actually works.

Yeah. Mrs. Prats does it.
They can hold up to 45 pounds.

Yes.

Well, not to be a nagging parent,
but what is everyone majoring in?

When I went to Stanford,
I was a double major

in African-American studies
and women's studies.

Is there something funny?

Just all these majors
with "studies" after it.

You know, Gender Studies, Islamic Studies.

Whatever happened
to good old-fashioned degrees like Chem,

and Econ, History, you know?

-I'm majoring in Neuroscience.
-Oh.

It's my passion.

Beta, isn't that Professor Harpin?

You should go to his table and greet him.
It shows respect.

I don't want to bother him.
He's with his wife.

What if she's leaving him
or telling him she's gay?

-That could be hell awkward.
-What nonsense. Go say hi right now.

Uh, I will be back.

Good girl. She's a good girl.

Hey, Prof. It's Bela from Biochem.
I just wanna say great lecture today.

Actually, all your lectures are great,
but today's was a banger.

-Thanks.
-Wonderful lecture today.

Nevaan Malhotra, Bela's father.
I wanted to thank you with something.

Show this card at any Subway restaurant
and you'll be pleased you did.

Um, I'm sorry, but I think
there's been a mistake.

I pride myself knowing my students
and you're not one of them.

Nico, how's French going?

VERY WELL.

Oh.

Oh, Kimmy's taking French too.
Let me hear something from you guys.

I wanna hear this French.

THIS HAS BEEN A DIFFICULT DINNER.

YES, THAT'S TRUE.

AND I'D LIKE TO KILL MYSELF
WITH THIS PURSE HOOK.

PLEASE DON'T DO THAT.

THEN I'LL BE LEFT TO TALK TO MY MOTHER.

Isn't he good?

YEAH NICO YOU'RE SO GOOD.

I wish I understood them. But I don't.

Who ordered the rack of lamb?

Oh, just put it here.
My father won't be joining us tonight.

Wait. He's not making parents' weekend?
Sweetheart, that's horrible.

It was kind of a work emergency.

Work emergency?
I thought he was a musician.

Uh-uh. No.
Look, I do not like my ex-husband.

He's a flake and I don't think
he owns one single button-down shirt,

but you do not make
my daughter feel bad about it.

-Evette, I did not--
-It's Senator Chase, Henry.

I saw the little eye-roll
you gave your wife about my ex-husband.

Don't do that to my kid.

You wait until you get to the hotel
for that shit. Come on.

Whitney, I'm so sorry.

It's okay.

NICO
HOLY SHIT DID DAD JUST APOLOGIZE???

LEIGHTON
YES OMG HE DID

Reena, may we borrow you
for a family conversation?

Bela has something to explain
out back behind the restaurant.

Excuse me.

How could you lie to us like that?

I can't believe I almost gave him
a golden Subway card.

-That's unlimited subs.
-I'm sorry.

I'm not taking Biochem because I know
what I want to do with my life

and it's not being a doctor.

I want to be a comedy writer.
And I'm, like, making progress.

I'm pledging
a really exclusive comedy writing group.

-And you guys love funny stuff.
-I like Young Sheldon and that is it.

Bela, this school is very expensive
and we are paying for you

to study and learn, not play around.

My girlfriends, you know,
they just keep them.

Like my best pie pan. Remember,
Peggy had that and I never saw it again.

So I just cook in those--
You know, those toss-away tins now.

You should really use the real lemons,
but, you know, in Arizona, it's expensive.

If you get the thin stuff,
it's gonna burn right through that,

then your top is ruined anyway on the pie.
So, well, that's just one of my tricks.

-Thanks.
-I...

Okay, let's see here.
Leighton, why's your card in here?

Oh, um, I--

That's my card, the Malhotras',
Senator Chase, and yours.

Wait. We didn't pay?

Leighton, why did you pay for our dinner?

Oh, um--

-It was a surprise treat.
-I asked her to.

That's silly. Here you go, Leighton.
Sorry.

-Carol, don't worry about it.
-No. No, no, I insist.

-Carol, it's fine.
-I'm paying for our portion of the bill.

So it's end of discussion.

Ma'am, your card?

Thank you for saying that about Dad.

It meant a lot to me
that you defended him.

-And the look on Leighton's dad's face--
-He was right about your dad.

I'm so sick of making excuses for him.

I show up, you hate me.

He doesn't show up, you love him.

Whitney, one day you're gonna realize

he doesn't deserve
the pedestal you put him on.

I'm going to ask the valet
what's taking so long.

-He's so mad.
-He'll be fine.

Bela, I know how much
this dream means to you,

but we need you to protect your future,

just in case you don't become
the next Amy Schumer.

-I'm impressed you remembered her name.
-Of course I do.

You spent years watching her videos.
Boobs, sex, funny stuff.

Yeah, Mom.

Beta, I cut you a deal.

You promise me that
you will take that professor's

biochemistry course next semester,
and I will work on your father.

Get him to be a little more supportive.

I can do that.

Also, I need money
to buy books and underwear.

I already put an envelope on your dresser.

Come here.

I'm sorry if I embarrassed you
at dinner tonight.

Oh, you mean when you made me
look like a street urchin

in front of the rich people?

Look, I knew dinner
was gonna be expensive. I'd saved for it.

I just freaked out.

Fitting in at Essex
has been harder than I expected.

Speaking of fitting in,
where'd you get that coat?

It's not the one I shipped you.

It's Leighton's.

Oh, boy.

Honey, I am so proud of you
for being here.

And I want you to have every amazing
experience this place has to offer.

I just don't want you to pretend
to be somebody you're not.

I'm not.

I think you've changed a little
since move-in day,

and I'm not saying in a bad way.

I'm just--

I'm noticing it.

Okay? It's okay.

Wanna walk me back to the hotel?

Yeah.

All I said was...

You know, I feel like
she's not here for the right reasons.

And, honestly, neither is she.

-I never said cocktails.
-You did on the couch.

You did, you did say that.

I think I like you
better than anyone I know.

Oh, no. That is so sad.

We've only known each other
for, like, four weeks.

Okay, well, I don't like a lot of people.

No. Don't compliment me
and then water it down.

I wanna feel that full-blown compliment.

Tell me that you like me.

-No.
-Tell me that you like me.

Get off me, you little weirdo.
Come on. You're pushing my boob.

-That dinner fucking sucked.
-It wasn't that bad.

Like, for what it's worth,

I don't think of you
as poor or anything like that.

I am, though. I am kind of poor.

And that's okay. I just...

I wish I could still, like, belong here.

What, at Essex? You already do.

Thank you.

Shall we go to your room?

Actually, I should probably get to bed.

I wanna get
a full eight hours of sleep in.

Oh, okay.

I'm kidding. Let's go.

LET'S GO!