Original subtitles

HAWKGIRL: Uh-huh. That's it. Right there.

GREEN LANTERN: No, it's not. HAWKGIRL: I think I would know.

GREEN LANTERN: Really? When did you ever tap into bank records?

Do they even have banks on Thanagar?

Back off. I know what I'm doing.

GREEN LANTERN: Don't--

What is it with you? Every time we're together, you're like this.

I don't know what you're talking about.

Yes, you do.

[COMPUTER BEEPS]

Batman, we've got the address.

EXECUTIVE: And our demographics are growing every week.

More 18-to-30s, more kids...

...even more old people for what that's worth.

So if you want to sell hamburgers and tacos, we're the ones who can--

[GASPS]

You sold airtime to something called Gwynplaine Entertainment.

What is this? You can't just sneak in here--

You can't let them have it.

I don't care who you are. You're not gonna--

Gwynplaine Entertainment is The Joker.

He goes on in 1 5 seconds.

Cut the feed. Just do it, I'll explain later!

[SIGHS]

Oh, no.

He must've bought time on the other channels too.

Ah, ah, ah. Don't touch that remote.

I know it's heartbreaking to have your favorite shows preempted.

But look what you're getting instead: Me.

And a whole truckload of mindless violence...

...and wanton property damage.

Everything that makes TV great.

So stay tuned, you won't believe your eyes.

Here's how we do this little tango.

I've tucked away a great big time-bomb somewhere on the Vegas strip.

Only the Justice League can stop it.

Because if anyone else tries, I press this.

And, kablooie, no waiting.

Now, I know you want to see the big bomb-hunt...

...from the best possible angle. So...

...I've set up hundreds of cameras all over town.

The League won't be able to burp without us looking in on them.

And since every good suspense show has to have a ticking clock, here's mine.

Oh, what were you expecting from me? A round number?

Oh, our very first remote's coming in.

What's happening up there, cupcake?

I'm over the south end of the strip, Mr. J...

...and it looks like word got out pretty quick.

The people here are so scared, they're even willing to go to Los Angeles.

[CAR HORNS HONKING AND PEOPLE YELLING]

JOKER: Harl, sorry to interrupt.

But I see one of our stars approaching the red carpet.

And he's in black, always chic.

But here come the fashion disasters.

I'm surprised their mommies let them out of the house looking like that.

While they stumble around trying to find my bomb...

...let's see how the local economy's doing.

Oh, it looks a little slow.

-Ma'am? Ma'am, aren't you scared? -Of what?

This thing's gotta pay off sooner or later.

Man, I love this town!

Now back to the boy in blue.

Clueless, as usual.

Wait a minute. Harley, are you getting this?

Sure am, Mr. J. It's almost as if he can see it.

See it?

Oh, of course he can see it. He's got x-ray vision.

Silly me.

-Big one. -Expecting anything less from The Joker?

JOKER: Oh, woe is me.

Or woe would be me except this is Vegas.

So I've got a card or two up my sleeve. Watch.

SUPERMAN: Looks like a binary setup. But I can't tell what chemicals he-- Aah!

JOKER: Ladies and gentlemen, tonight's extra-special guest stars...

...making their world debut, the Royal Flush Gang.

Jack.

Ten.

King.

And, oh, Queen.

[TEN YELLING]

[BOTH GRUNTING]

[FLASH GRUNTING]

JOKER: Oh, dear.

It looks like they're not going to stop the bomb after--

Wait! Him again. It's always him.

Time for more of that mindless violence I was talking about, kiddies.

No fair! No fair!

[HAWKGIRL YELLS]

JOKER: Oh, you're breaking an old man's heart, kids.

Stand up to them like I would. If I were there.

And if I had super powers and....

Oh, for Pete's sake, go back there and beat on them!

That's more like it.

But I'll bet you folks at home are wondering who these wild cards are.

Let's go up close and personal.

The tale of the Royal Flush Gang begins in the Arizona desert.

At a secret facility where five innocent children were taken...

...after being snatched from their families by the government.

They promised to educate the kids, give them a home.

But they wanted something in return. Because, you see, each of these kids...

...was born with a mysterious power.

Ten feels no pain.

Literally.

And he's every bit as strong as Stupidman.

[GRUNTING]

King's a real ball of fire.

Jack's just a flexible kind of guy.

Very flexible.

And Queen has a magnetic personality.

That just leaves Ace.

Poor, lonely Ace.

More on you later, my dear.

The government said it was protecting them.

But what it really wanted was to make them into human weapons.

And they would've gotten away with it too, if not for me...

...meddling with the kids.

I made an arrangement with their headmaster.

He seemed happy enough with it.

And so did the kids.

[KIDS CHEERING]

They were so grateful for their freedom...

...they've stuck to me like flypaper ever since.

The playing-card thing was something I thought of off the top of my head.

It made them into one big, happy family.

The food's a lot better since we signed on with the J-man.

I like his style. Joker's a class act.

Don't get me wrong.

These guys give good backup, but they don't call me King for nothing.

A real genius, that one. I am the most powerful, and....

One of the most powerful.

Why shouldn't I be in charge?

Maybe I saw a bit of myself in their psychopathic little faces.

How could I resist?

Now, let's see how Batman's doing.

Will he defuse the bomb or will he be bat soup?

[BEEPING]

[SIGHS]

[BEEPS]

JOKER'S VOlCE: Gotcha!

BATMAN [OVER RADIO]: We've got trouble. The bomb's a fake.

Ooh! Now it's getting good. Wouldn't you agree?

-So we just let them go? BATMAN: For now.

Our first priority is finding the real bomb.

Just give me a second.

There we go. Found it.

No, wait. There's another one.

Two more. Three.

Twenty-five.

There are 25 bombs.

Surprise! This is where we change all the rules.

There are 25 of my little party-favors hidden all over the strip.

And they're set to go off in....

Oh, dear. That's not a lot of time.

Last one's on the main floor of the Sphinx Hotel.

Split up and take them out. Stay in communication.

Let's move!

Oh, thrilling, isn't it? The suspense is killing me.

Of course it's going to be the explosions that kill them.

The first one's a dummy. I'm moving on.

I was hoping someone would drown trying to disarm it.

C'est la vie.

The good news is it looks like the bat is getting warm.

Getting warm, I said.

He's next to a volcano!

[CHUCKLING]

[CREW LAUGHING]

That's enough. Nobody likes a brownnose.

[BATMAN GRUNTING]

While there's a break in the action, let's see who the oddsmakers favor.

Smart money's all on your boy, Jack, Mr. J.

Batman has the edge in experience and weight, I can't help noticing.

I suspect he's indulging in too many bat doughnuts.

But Jack is younger and he definitely has the longer reach.

[BOTH GRUNTING]

Running out of time, Bats.

I'll stop them.

I wasn't talking about the bombs, old man.

[EXPLOSlONS]

[BELCHES]

Tired, grampa?

[BATMAN GRUNTS]

Much as I hate to miss any of Batman's whupping...

...Flash has found one of my party favors.

Let's see if he's as stupid as he looks.

This bites.

You'd think the off switch would have a label on it.

Aah!

JOKER: I wouldn't do that if I were you.

The bomb's got a motion detector. If you try to move it, it'll blow.

You have to diffuse it to take it out of play.

No cheating.

How do I know you're telling the truth?

Maybe I'm lying. Try me.

[BEEPING]

Batman, I've got a problem.

You don't say.

FLASH [OVER RADIO]: I found a bomb. You gotta talk me through disarming it.

Okay. Remove the lid.

-Already done. -Don't jump ahead!

-Do exactly as I say. -I opened it before I called.

[BATMAN GRUNTING]

Batman, you okay?

Grasp the red metal collar with both hands. Pull it straight up.

It's magnetized. Don't touch the sides or it'll blow up the whole block.

-Done. -Disconnect the following wires in-- Aah!

In precisely this order:

Blue, yellow-and-black striped, red, then black.

Okay. What next?

You're done. Find another one.

FLASH: I'm on it.

Spoilsport.

What do you say we catch up to the big blue buffoon?

[PUNCHES LANDING]

[BOTH GRUNTING]

Out of my way. You don't know what you're doing.

Yeah, I do. I'm kicking Superman's butt.

[BEEPING]

While they duke it out...

...let's go over to Amos Fortune's Casino and Resort...

...where Green Lantern has found another bomb.

I can't believe he didn't suspect a trap.

See what happens when you don't watch enough television?

Done yet?

I haven't even started.

HAWKGIRL: Hey, Joan of Arc! Wanna take me on?

Shouldn't have done that.

Why not put a force field around it and let it blow?

I don't know if I can contain an explosion that size.

-Maybe you should let me defuse it. -Maybe you should shut up!

Phew! ls it just me or is there something going on between those two?

Will Green Lantern ever admit to his feelings?

Will Hawkgirl ever stop sublimating her passions with that big honking mace?

Will true love conquer all?

Not on my show.

[BEEPS]

John!

[English - US - SDH]