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1
00:00:14,040 --> 00:00:16,040
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
2
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You've tested positive for chlamydia.
3
00:00:29,800 --> 00:00:31,480
That... That doesn't sound positive.
4
00:00:31,560 --> 00:00:32,560
Two tablets should clear it.
5
00:00:32,640 --> 00:00:34,880
But left untreated,
it can cause infertility.
6
00:00:34,960 --> 00:00:37,520
You'll need to contact
your previous sexual partners.
7
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All of them?
8
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No, just the ones you like.
9
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Despite what they taught you
at medical school,
10
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not everyone finds the sarcasm comforting.
11
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Ah, it gets me through the day.
12
00:00:46,720 --> 00:00:49,320
Right, next I need to
examine your genitals.
13
00:00:49,400 --> 00:00:51,560
Yay! How am I doing now?
14
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(COUGHS)
15
00:00:57,960 --> 00:00:59,480
Chlamydia's a starter infection, man.
16
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It's... It's... It's the missionary
position of sexual diseases.
17
00:01:02,080 --> 00:01:04,000
You want to save your tears
for the permanent ones,
18
00:01:04,080 --> 00:01:06,480
like herpes, or penile cancer.
19
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It exists.
20
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I... I don't even care who gave it to me.
21
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Look at these names...
22
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Did they give you
the little cards to send out?
23
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(LAUGHS) Yeah, that's it!
They're like bad Valentine's cards.
24
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Do you know what I mean, "I love you
so much it hurts... when I urinate."
25
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Yeah, I'm not sending the cards.
I... I'm calling them.
26
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I'm thinking of visiting some of them.
27
00:01:27,720 --> 00:01:30,760
Dylan, don't do this to yourself.
Let's just go to the party.
28
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It's been 11 years since I lost
my virginity and what have I got?
29
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Yeah, apart from chlamydia, obviously.
30
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I'm going to start calling them today.
31
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In what, chronological order?
32
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Marks out of 10 for performance?
33
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Bra size?
34
00:01:44,960 --> 00:01:46,800
- Alphabetical.
- Okay.
35
00:01:46,960 --> 00:01:48,520
Mostly because I don't
want to call Tasha first.
36
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(SHUDDERS)
37
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So who's first?
38
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- A is for?
- (SIGHS)
39
00:01:58,640 --> 00:01:59,640
Thanks.
40
00:01:59,720 --> 00:02:02,280
If you need anything, just ding.
I'm on till 3:00 a.m.
41
00:02:02,680 --> 00:02:04,040
Don't you just love weddings?
42
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Two people saying,
that's it, I'm done looking around,
43
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you're the one for me,
I brought the rings, let's dance.
44
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She's not here for the wedding.
45
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And I'm not religious, you know,
but a church wedding is just more...
46
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Maybe you need to be cold
and uncomfortable
47
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to really listen to the vows properly.
48
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Marry in a church, get divorced
in a warm office with comfy chairs.
49
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(CHUCKLES) That's good.
50
00:02:23,720 --> 00:02:25,000
Well, just ding if you need me.
51
00:02:39,720 --> 00:02:43,760
Excuse me, excuse me. Hi, erm, could you
reprint these two tables, please?
52
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Bride's orders.
53
00:02:46,200 --> 00:02:47,200
Thanks.
54
00:02:48,320 --> 00:02:49,520
Look at all these drawers.
55
00:02:49,600 --> 00:02:53,280
We can sort our things by category,
with our underwear in the top one or...
56
00:02:53,360 --> 00:02:55,400
Er, no, I think I want my own drawer.
57
00:02:55,480 --> 00:02:57,240
Otherwise our stuff will get all mixed up.
58
00:02:57,320 --> 00:02:59,680
But this way my socks can dry-hump
your pants.
59
00:02:59,760 --> 00:03:03,320
(LAUGHS) Okay, well my pants
hardly know your socks, so...
60
00:03:03,400 --> 00:03:04,400
Come on.
61
00:03:05,400 --> 00:03:07,160
Seriously, I want my own drawer.
62
00:03:09,880 --> 00:03:10,920
(BELL TOLLING)
63
00:03:11,000 --> 00:03:12,680
- You hear those wedding bells?
- Mmm-hmm.
64
00:03:12,760 --> 00:03:14,960
They're an air-raid siren,
warning all the single people
65
00:03:15,040 --> 00:03:18,080
that everybody else is coupling-off.
It makes them feel anxious and horny.
66
00:03:18,160 --> 00:03:20,640
And then the free bar opens.
67
00:03:21,040 --> 00:03:23,760
Why would Dylan squander that on a chick
he's been seeing for a month?
68
00:03:24,160 --> 00:03:26,640
- Ah, that's tight.
- I imagine he likes her.
69
00:03:26,800 --> 00:03:29,400
I like her. But blowing a wedding
on a new girlfriend... (SCOFFS)
70
00:03:29,480 --> 00:03:31,560
When instead you should ignore
your feelings and...
71
00:03:31,640 --> 00:03:33,080
Book a double room and arrive single.
72
00:03:33,200 --> 00:03:35,680
Unpack oils.
Try and think of a memorable safe word.
73
00:03:35,760 --> 00:03:37,920
- I'm very close to choking you.
- Mmm.
74
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Not in a sexy way.
75
00:03:41,880 --> 00:03:43,640
I want at least one good photo
of everyone here.
76
00:03:43,720 --> 00:03:44,800
You've got the guest list, haven't you?
77
00:03:44,880 --> 00:03:46,480
Yeah, it doesn't say
what people look like.
78
00:03:46,560 --> 00:03:48,720
You'll know who's who after you've taken
a photo of each of them.
79
00:03:49,040 --> 00:03:50,560
Overall, I want a sense of
giddy happiness,
80
00:03:50,640 --> 00:03:52,320
like everyone's really pleased for me.
Catriona?
81
00:03:54,120 --> 00:03:55,920
- Yeah, I'm on it.
- I haven't given you the task yet.
82
00:03:56,040 --> 00:03:58,520
I know. I just mean, I'm ready.
83
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Keep Angus off the champagne.
84
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- I'm not having him get emotional today.
- Right.
85
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It's fucking show time.
86
00:04:10,280 --> 00:04:11,280
(SIGHS)
87
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Forsaking all others,
88
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marriage is a sacred bond...
89
00:04:17,920 --> 00:04:21,320
May this couple be prepared
to continue to give,
90
00:04:22,160 --> 00:04:25,240
to be able to forgive and experience...
91
00:04:25,320 --> 00:04:27,880
(WHISPERING)
Hey, maybe this will be us someday.
92
00:04:28,040 --> 00:04:29,080
No.
93
00:04:29,520 --> 00:04:30,520
What?
94
00:04:31,080 --> 00:04:32,080
It doesn't matter.
95
00:04:32,240 --> 00:04:34,720
Helen and Angus are now beginning...
96
00:04:34,800 --> 00:04:37,360
You just said "no" quite firmly.
97
00:04:37,440 --> 00:04:39,880
Yeah, can we talk about this later?
We can't really do this here.
98
00:04:40,600 --> 00:04:41,760
What's "this"?
99
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- Are... Are you breaking up with me?
- I'll tell you afterwards.
100
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Tell me now!
101
00:04:48,440 --> 00:04:50,400
What God has joined together...
102
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Well, I mean, we can still have sex.
103
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You think this is about sex?
104
00:04:55,720 --> 00:04:56,840
Insomuch as...
105
00:04:56,920 --> 00:04:59,120
Dylan, I think half the church
now thinks it's about sex.
106
00:04:59,240 --> 00:05:00,600
I'm being fucking dumped here.
107
00:05:00,920 --> 00:05:03,440
Yeah, I know, buddy, but you see,
the two people at the front
108
00:05:03,520 --> 00:05:06,600
are trying to get married, so maybe
just hold fire till they're finished.
109
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Unbelievable.
110
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- Stop pouting. It's not manly.
- (CHUCKLES)
111
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Are you seeing this?
He's pouting, isn't he?
112
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No, no, you guys look great together.
113
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If anyone should be pouting, it's me.
I've got thin lips.
114
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(SHUTTER CLICKING)
115
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Really nice.
116
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You know, other people are good at darts,
or, you know, speaking French,
117
00:05:37,800 --> 00:05:41,720
and my talent is starting relationships
with women who don't enjoy my company.
118
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Well, at least she didn't
dump you tomorrow.
119
00:05:44,960 --> 00:05:48,160
No, because now you're single, Dil.
Look around you.
120
00:05:48,600 --> 00:05:49,960
It's a sex party.
121
00:05:50,280 --> 00:05:52,040
Er, I thought it was a union of souls.
122
00:05:52,280 --> 00:05:53,840
Yeah, that as well.
123
00:05:54,040 --> 00:05:56,520
Dildo just rejoined the ranks
of the single against his wishes.
124
00:05:56,640 --> 00:05:57,960
(CHUCKLING) What, already?
125
00:05:59,040 --> 00:06:02,360
I mean, er... sorry, Dil.
That's, that's really awful.
126
00:06:02,440 --> 00:06:03,440
(SHUTTER CLICKS)
127
00:06:03,520 --> 00:06:08,080
But, here's the thing, man.
Here's the really, really important thing.
128
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(SIGHS)
129
00:06:09,880 --> 00:06:12,040
It's wall-to-wall snatch out there, Dylan.
130
00:06:12,120 --> 00:06:13,680
Cheers for the chat.
Really useful, thanks.
131
00:06:14,040 --> 00:06:16,480
Hey, Dil, Dylan, don't walk away from me!
132
00:06:17,000 --> 00:06:19,760
Today could still be a very
sexually satisfying experience.
133
00:06:21,480 --> 00:06:22,520
Hey guys.
134
00:06:22,640 --> 00:06:23,640
(SOFT MUSIC PLAYING)
135
00:06:23,720 --> 00:06:24,720
(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)
136
00:06:30,600 --> 00:06:31,920
(WHISPERS) I can't eat.
137
00:06:35,680 --> 00:06:37,520
Erm, I've photographed the food.
138
00:06:37,600 --> 00:06:40,680
Oh, don't work all evening, Evie.
You're a guest as well.
139
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One of Angus's old pals.
140
00:06:42,560 --> 00:06:44,920
He's been too nervous to eat,
so I've got him off the booze,
141
00:06:45,000 --> 00:06:47,480
or it'll be glug and chuck.
You know Angus.
142
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I do.
143
00:06:49,440 --> 00:06:50,880
Are you all right, Angus?
144
00:06:50,960 --> 00:06:52,640
Yeah, great thanks.
145
00:06:56,400 --> 00:06:57,920
Met anyone fit on the singles' table?
146
00:06:58,440 --> 00:07:01,920
Erm, no. I think someone
might have moved me.
147
00:07:03,120 --> 00:07:05,240
(LAUGHING) ...and that's why
I love penguins!
148
00:07:05,360 --> 00:07:06,880
(GIRLS LAUGHING)
149
00:07:10,560 --> 00:07:13,840
Look, all I'm saying is,
if you're going to have a singles' table,
150
00:07:13,920 --> 00:07:15,160
why don't you mix it up a bit?
151
00:07:15,680 --> 00:07:17,000
(MUSIC PLAYING)
152
00:07:24,320 --> 00:07:28,240
Is it too early to list everything
about her that was really not great?
153
00:07:29,400 --> 00:07:30,840
There was a thing with my socks...
154
00:07:30,920 --> 00:07:32,960
Yeah, and also,
she's sort of a terrible person.
155
00:07:33,040 --> 00:07:34,040
(LAUGHING)
156
00:07:35,080 --> 00:07:37,840
Jemima, meet Evie and Dylan.
Evie's just a friend.
157
00:07:37,920 --> 00:07:40,320
He means you can sleep with
either of them without me objecting.
158
00:07:41,760 --> 00:07:44,880
I saw you in the church
and you looked so overcome.
159
00:07:44,960 --> 00:07:47,360
- I thought that was so sweet.
- Yes, it was, wasn't it?
160
00:07:47,440 --> 00:07:49,320
Dylan's very connected with his feelings.
161
00:07:49,400 --> 00:07:52,360
Mainly rage and shame.
And feeling like a fucking idiot.
162
00:07:58,160 --> 00:08:02,320
Okay, you have to put
angry-sad-Dylan back in a box,
163
00:08:02,480 --> 00:08:05,440
and then lock that box,
and don't tell girls it exists.
164
00:08:05,520 --> 00:08:09,000
What matters here, Dylan,
is that you get back on the horse.
165
00:08:09,880 --> 00:08:11,480
Promise me the horse is a metaphor.
166
00:08:15,280 --> 00:08:17,280
- Oh, hi guys! Enjoy the wedding?
- Great job, Angus.
167
00:08:17,360 --> 00:08:20,400
I counted as you did the vows.
You, you didn't miss a single one.
168
00:08:20,480 --> 00:08:21,520
(ALL CHUCKLING)
169
00:08:21,640 --> 00:08:22,640
"In sickness and in health."
170
00:08:22,720 --> 00:08:24,600
You can test that one
with tomorrow's hangover.
171
00:08:24,680 --> 00:08:26,160
- (ALL CHUCKLE)
- Angus isn't drinking.
172
00:08:26,240 --> 00:08:29,680
Ah, well, er... erm,
your date's a keeper too, Dil.
173
00:08:29,760 --> 00:08:31,360
- Marry her!
- We broke up.
174
00:08:31,520 --> 00:08:33,440
What a waste of an invitation.
We could have had Tim.
175
00:08:33,520 --> 00:08:35,240
I didn't actually know we were
going to break up 'til...
176
00:08:35,320 --> 00:08:37,520
Anyway. Ladies, you look amazing.
177
00:08:37,600 --> 00:08:39,240
(CHUCKLES) Thanks, we're doing our best.
178
00:08:39,520 --> 00:08:41,000
You know, it's different for you guys.
You're married.
179
00:08:41,080 --> 00:08:44,360
You know, you, you knew you were
meant for each other, right, Angus?
180
00:08:44,440 --> 00:08:47,360
Evie was never your destiny,
and today proves that.
181
00:08:47,440 --> 00:08:49,000
But I'm, I'm in the dark.
182
00:08:49,480 --> 00:08:51,200
- You sound depressed.
- I'm not.
183
00:08:52,120 --> 00:08:54,560
Tonight I'm going to have
non-judgemental sex.
184
00:08:54,640 --> 00:08:56,960
Really share some orgasms around,
you know?
185
00:08:57,720 --> 00:09:00,920
- Evie? You went out with Evie?
- (TAPPING OVER MIC)
186
00:09:01,040 --> 00:09:03,760
Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome
187
00:09:03,840 --> 00:09:05,520
the bride and groom for their first dance!
188
00:09:05,600 --> 00:09:06,600
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
189
00:09:06,680 --> 00:09:07,680
(MOUTHING)
190
00:09:11,800 --> 00:09:12,880
(CLAPPING)
191
00:09:12,960 --> 00:09:13,960
(MUSIC PLAYING)
192
00:09:14,800 --> 00:09:15,840
She's an ex-girlfriend?
193
00:09:15,920 --> 00:09:18,080
Nah, it was nothing serious.
I'd forgotten. (CHUCKLES)
194
00:09:18,440 --> 00:09:22,160
- How long did you go out for?
- Er, I can barely remember. (CHUCKLES)
195
00:09:24,000 --> 00:09:25,280
I still believe in you.
196
00:09:25,360 --> 00:09:26,560
I was just trying to be honest.
197
00:09:26,640 --> 00:09:28,400
I know. But don't do that any more.
198
00:09:35,160 --> 00:09:36,160
(EXHALING)
199
00:09:36,320 --> 00:09:38,200
She didn't know me and Evie went out.
200
00:09:38,840 --> 00:09:39,840
You really fucked me.
201
00:09:40,720 --> 00:09:41,960
Well, why would she even care?
202
00:09:42,040 --> 00:09:44,080
Your, your exes are ancient history.
203
00:09:44,160 --> 00:09:46,760
You don't know her.
And with what you were saying earlier...
204
00:09:46,880 --> 00:09:48,840
I think maybe I got my destiny wrong.
205
00:09:49,920 --> 00:09:50,920
(ZIPPING)
206
00:09:51,120 --> 00:09:55,000
- No, you didn't.
- No, I think maybe I did.
207
00:09:58,320 --> 00:10:00,600
Lovely. (CHUCKLES) Really nice. Big Smile.
208
00:10:00,680 --> 00:10:01,680
(SHUTTER CLICKING)
209
00:10:03,080 --> 00:10:07,000
Evie, if it won't kill you to work faster,
there are hundreds of photos
210
00:10:07,080 --> 00:10:09,440
in my head that I can mentally see,
but you're not taking.
211
00:10:09,520 --> 00:10:11,000
Yeah, sorry. I was... I was...
212
00:10:11,080 --> 00:10:14,000
My friend Camilla has travelled from
Australia. Did you get her?
213
00:10:14,520 --> 00:10:16,520
Erm, er...
214
00:10:16,920 --> 00:10:18,440
Well, she's not on the list.
215
00:10:18,520 --> 00:10:20,320
That's not her fault, is it?
216
00:10:28,120 --> 00:10:29,840
I shouldn't. I said I wouldn't.
217
00:10:32,600 --> 00:10:33,600
Cheers.
218
00:10:34,840 --> 00:10:35,840
Ooh.
219
00:10:37,000 --> 00:10:39,440
The wife doesn't like it
that I ever went out with anyone else.
220
00:10:39,960 --> 00:10:41,360
Well, were you her first boyfriend?
221
00:10:41,440 --> 00:10:44,400
No. Five of hers are here today.
222
00:10:47,120 --> 00:10:49,440
Come on, Angus.
Here's to the woman of your dreams!
223
00:10:49,520 --> 00:10:50,520
I should go and find her.
224
00:10:50,760 --> 00:10:53,400
It's not hard.
Look for the girl in the big white dress.
225
00:10:53,480 --> 00:10:54,640
(BOTH LAUGH)
226
00:10:54,720 --> 00:10:55,720
No, no, I mean Evie.
227
00:10:59,480 --> 00:11:00,480
That went well, then?
228
00:11:03,040 --> 00:11:06,080
Angus, you've got to help me.
What does Camilla look like?
229
00:11:06,400 --> 00:11:07,640
- What?
- (DOOR BANGS OPEN)
230
00:11:11,720 --> 00:11:12,720
(CHUCKLES)
231
00:11:13,480 --> 00:11:15,360
- Shall we do some couple shots?
- Yeah.
232
00:11:15,480 --> 00:11:16,480
Okay.
233
00:11:17,280 --> 00:11:18,520
Er, here's fine.
234
00:11:18,600 --> 00:11:21,400
Drinking, are you?
Having trouble with your emotions?
235
00:11:21,480 --> 00:11:23,320
- Well, I can have a drink. (CHUCKLES)
- (CHUCKLES)
236
00:11:28,880 --> 00:11:31,880
Yeah? Okay, right.
237
00:11:32,440 --> 00:11:33,440
(SHUTTER CLICKS)
238
00:11:33,840 --> 00:11:38,800
Erm, Helen, could you maybe
smile just a bit sort of wider?
239
00:11:39,680 --> 00:11:40,680
Hmm.
240
00:11:43,840 --> 00:11:45,800
- (CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS)
- Lovely. Erm...
241
00:11:47,520 --> 00:11:48,960
Just a little less?
242
00:11:50,080 --> 00:11:53,000
What's wrong with my face, Evie?
Too happy? Too sad?
243
00:11:53,080 --> 00:11:57,360
It's your job to make me look beautiful,
not to stand there staring at my husband.
244
00:11:57,640 --> 00:11:58,640
(SIGHS)
245
00:12:02,280 --> 00:12:03,280
It's not you.
246
00:12:03,520 --> 00:12:04,520
(DOOR CLOSES)
247
00:12:06,160 --> 00:12:07,160
Maybe it is you.
248
00:12:07,480 --> 00:12:08,480
What?
249
00:12:09,320 --> 00:12:11,800
I've been talking to Dylan. (SIGHS)
250
00:12:12,440 --> 00:12:13,520
I think I miss you.
251
00:12:14,560 --> 00:12:16,000
(EVIE GROANS)
252
00:12:17,600 --> 00:12:19,520
Hiya, er, you don't know Camilla, do you?
253
00:12:19,600 --> 00:12:20,600
You don't know a Camilla?
254
00:12:20,680 --> 00:12:22,160
Any of you gentlemen know Camilla?
255
00:12:25,080 --> 00:12:26,280
It's got to be her, man.
256
00:12:26,360 --> 00:12:29,400
I mean, short of shagging the bride,
which is wrong in a bad way,
257
00:12:29,480 --> 00:12:31,880
the maid of honour
is top of the wedding sex pyramid.
258
00:12:32,000 --> 00:12:33,000
How about you?
259
00:12:33,640 --> 00:12:34,960
I've had a drink with the groom.
260
00:12:35,080 --> 00:12:38,360
Oh, well, that's fabulous, Dylan,
that's wonderful. And did he suck you off?
261
00:12:38,440 --> 00:12:41,280
'Cause if not, from now on you've got
to give yourself strict rules, man.
262
00:12:41,360 --> 00:12:42,880
You only talk to people with breasts,
263
00:12:42,960 --> 00:12:45,080
and only if they're younger than 40
and older than 16.
264
00:12:46,360 --> 00:12:49,360
Eighteen, then. Whatever.
Right, I'm going in.
265
00:12:51,720 --> 00:12:55,720
There you are, Catriona,
got you a little drink, fizzy bubbles.
266
00:13:00,760 --> 00:13:02,360
You having a good time?
267
00:13:02,440 --> 00:13:06,040
Your friend is all about the pussy,
isn't he? Look at him go.
268
00:13:06,880 --> 00:13:07,880
Well, he is!
269
00:13:09,360 --> 00:13:10,720
Are you allowed to say that?
270
00:13:11,000 --> 00:13:13,680
I'm just being honest. That's a virtue.
271
00:13:14,400 --> 00:13:16,440
And the free booze helps. Cheers!
272
00:13:16,680 --> 00:13:18,160
(BOTH CHUCKLE)
273
00:13:19,360 --> 00:13:20,400
- (MOBILE RINGING)
- Oh, wait.
274
00:13:20,480 --> 00:13:22,520
Whoa. What...
275
00:13:23,640 --> 00:13:24,960
(CHUCKLES)
276
00:13:25,360 --> 00:13:26,640
I've got nowhere else to put it.
277
00:13:26,840 --> 00:13:30,200
(BLOWS RASPBERRY)
I am going to be calling that repeatedly.
278
00:13:33,240 --> 00:13:34,440
- I need to go.
- No.
279
00:13:34,520 --> 00:13:38,400
- Angry bride duty.
- Oh, fuck's sake...
280
00:13:40,480 --> 00:13:41,480
Hmm.
281
00:13:44,280 --> 00:13:45,360
Hey.
282
00:13:45,680 --> 00:13:46,880
Vintage Luke.
283
00:13:46,960 --> 00:13:49,800
It's like a sexual safety net.
Strike out with the one girl,
284
00:13:49,880 --> 00:13:53,720
there's another pair of legs ready
to catch him. You could learn from him.
285
00:13:53,840 --> 00:13:55,360
What's wrong with me?
286
00:13:55,640 --> 00:13:57,120
Oh. Oh, nothing.
287
00:13:58,400 --> 00:14:00,560
What about her? She is cute.
288
00:14:01,120 --> 00:14:04,360
Yeah. Yeah, not her. She's my best friend.
289
00:14:05,040 --> 00:14:07,880
- Ah. Oh, yeah, that could be awkward.
- (LAUGHING)
290
00:14:09,400 --> 00:14:10,400
Are you hungry?
291
00:14:11,760 --> 00:14:13,240
- Yes.
- Come on.
292
00:14:15,920 --> 00:14:17,320
(HELEN PANTING)
293
00:14:17,400 --> 00:14:19,440
Why would you deny Angus a drink?
294
00:14:19,680 --> 00:14:21,960
Don't you dare talk about yourself
in the third person!
295
00:14:22,040 --> 00:14:23,400
He will if he wants to.
296
00:14:24,240 --> 00:14:25,680
(ANGUS GASPS)
297
00:14:27,320 --> 00:14:29,560
I am level three angry. Do you hear me?
298
00:14:30,000 --> 00:14:31,240
Now apologise for inviting her.
299
00:14:33,440 --> 00:14:35,760
Some dick just threw this at me!
300
00:14:36,560 --> 00:14:38,440
Oh, so now I'm a dick as well?
301
00:14:38,840 --> 00:14:40,000
(SOBS)
302
00:14:40,360 --> 00:14:41,600
I'm so sorry...
303
00:14:52,000 --> 00:14:55,120
Is this theft? I don't want to get you
in trouble with the Big Man.
304
00:14:55,200 --> 00:14:56,720
It's a macaroon, not a war crime.
305
00:14:58,520 --> 00:14:59,600
Mmm.
306
00:15:00,880 --> 00:15:01,880
So, go on then.
307
00:15:02,520 --> 00:15:04,160
Why are you so crap at one night stands?
308
00:15:04,840 --> 00:15:07,760
Well, I think I'm meant to be
more like a shark.
309
00:15:07,840 --> 00:15:08,880
Like a...
310
00:15:09,320 --> 00:15:12,400
A cold, focused killing machine,
headed straight for the seal.
311
00:15:13,440 --> 00:15:14,440
But I like seals.
312
00:15:14,960 --> 00:15:15,960
Seals are adorable.
313
00:15:16,320 --> 00:15:17,560
Women should like that about you.
314
00:15:17,960 --> 00:15:19,200
Should, but...
315
00:15:19,400 --> 00:15:22,560
Well, you know women. We're tricky.
316
00:15:24,040 --> 00:15:25,400
You're fun.
317
00:15:26,080 --> 00:15:27,320
I am fun.
318
00:15:27,960 --> 00:15:29,680
(SOFTLY) Everybody says so.
319
00:15:33,680 --> 00:15:34,760
Ah, there you are! Jesus!
320
00:15:35,840 --> 00:15:40,040
Oh sorry. Erm, Dylan, I need you. Now.
321
00:15:42,400 --> 00:15:43,400
Bye.
322
00:15:43,560 --> 00:15:45,040
Bye.
323
00:15:47,160 --> 00:15:48,520
EVIE: What did you say to Angus?
324
00:15:48,600 --> 00:15:50,600
He's drunk and he's been trying to kiss...
325
00:15:50,920 --> 00:15:53,040
Look, you have to help me fix this.
326
00:15:53,160 --> 00:15:55,600
Or they won't pay me and I'm going
to have to speak to Grandma again
327
00:15:55,680 --> 00:15:56,680
and the bride might hit me
328
00:15:56,760 --> 00:15:58,720
and you will have ruined
a marriage in less than a day!
329
00:16:00,880 --> 00:16:05,040
(CHUCKLES) Find the bride.
I will speak to Angus.
330
00:16:14,680 --> 00:16:16,800
Did they have an amazing romance?
331
00:16:18,000 --> 00:16:19,360
Maybe it's over.
332
00:16:19,720 --> 00:16:22,800
I'll tell you what's over.
Bad dates and heartaches.
333
00:16:23,600 --> 00:16:25,200
Why would you assume I had bad dates?
334
00:16:25,280 --> 00:16:26,280
I am a catch.
335
00:16:26,680 --> 00:16:30,920
There she is! The girl with the...
Attributes that Angus loves.
336
00:16:31,400 --> 00:16:32,800
Forget about Evie.
337
00:16:32,880 --> 00:16:36,080
Angus stood up
and promised to love you forever.
338
00:16:36,760 --> 00:16:38,160
Why didn't he tell me about her?
339
00:16:38,280 --> 00:16:40,000
Because he knew you'd worry about it.
340
00:16:40,120 --> 00:16:42,960
Because he knows what you're like
and he loves you for it.
341
00:16:43,760 --> 00:16:44,760
(CHUCKLES)
342
00:16:45,720 --> 00:16:47,360
He does, doesn't he?
343
00:16:48,360 --> 00:16:52,240
Yeah, er... Yeah, he does.
344
00:16:55,960 --> 00:16:57,880
EVIE: There's a free bar upstairs, Angus!
345
00:16:57,960 --> 00:16:59,840
ANGUS: I want a box of wine.
346
00:17:01,080 --> 00:17:02,680
Boxes of wine are in the corner, mate.
347
00:17:06,800 --> 00:17:08,080
Look at these two.
348
00:17:09,240 --> 00:17:11,960
They've got it, huh? We had it.
349
00:17:12,680 --> 00:17:14,160
Er, no, no, we didn't.
350
00:17:15,720 --> 00:17:17,560
Remember the missionary position, Evie?
Hmm?
351
00:17:18,120 --> 00:17:19,440
The Mish.
352
00:17:19,640 --> 00:17:22,000
We did that in Tenerife once,
before you went out to get the papers.
353
00:17:22,080 --> 00:17:23,480
Yeah, to get some time away.
354
00:17:23,680 --> 00:17:25,720
No, bullshit! You love the news!
355
00:17:27,520 --> 00:17:29,400
Go and find your wife, Angus.
356
00:17:30,680 --> 00:17:32,080
Definitely.
357
00:17:36,200 --> 00:17:39,040
Er, do you like the light on or off?
358
00:17:39,200 --> 00:17:40,920
- Well, I'm, I'm easy...
- I think maybe... off?
359
00:17:41,440 --> 00:17:42,800
- Yeah, let's have it off.
- (SWITCH CLICKS)
360
00:17:43,320 --> 00:17:44,840
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
361
00:17:45,160 --> 00:17:46,160
(ANGUS GROANS)
362
00:17:47,000 --> 00:17:48,000
(GRUNTS)
363
00:17:48,520 --> 00:17:50,480
I'm, I'm really sorry,
I, I can't find Camilla.
364
00:17:50,560 --> 00:17:51,600
I can't find her anywhere.
365
00:17:51,680 --> 00:17:52,800
I made her up.
366
00:17:53,120 --> 00:17:54,400
That wasn't very nice of me,
367
00:17:54,560 --> 00:17:56,240
but it's my wedding day
and I was cross with you.
368
00:17:57,880 --> 00:17:59,280
He's standing up.
369
00:17:59,400 --> 00:18:00,400
(GIGGLING)
370
00:18:00,680 --> 00:18:01,680
(ALL CHEERING)
371
00:18:02,080 --> 00:18:03,920
- (LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY)
- (THUDS)
372
00:18:04,160 --> 00:18:05,160
ALL: Oh.
373
00:18:06,800 --> 00:18:07,800
(CHEERS)
374
00:18:08,000 --> 00:18:09,000
(ALL CHEERING)
375
00:18:10,640 --> 00:18:11,880
- (SHUTTER CLICKING)
- ANGUS: I'm back, I'm back!
376
00:18:12,160 --> 00:18:14,000
I'm back. I love you.
377
00:18:14,280 --> 00:18:17,000
One more minute, she's off my hands.
378
00:18:17,680 --> 00:18:20,600
Oh, then maybe we can put
the job title "maid of honour"
379
00:18:20,680 --> 00:18:21,880
to the test.
380
00:18:22,720 --> 00:18:24,600
- (CANS CLATTERING)
- Wait, wait! Whoa, whoa, whoa.
381
00:18:31,800 --> 00:18:32,800
(UNZIPPING)
382
00:18:33,120 --> 00:18:34,280
- HELEN: Get back in the car!
- (URINATING)
383
00:18:34,360 --> 00:18:35,440
ANGUS: But I need to go!
384
00:18:37,000 --> 00:18:39,120
- (ANGUS GRUNTING)
- (HELEN SOBBING)
385
00:18:41,680 --> 00:18:43,000
HELEN: Put that tiddler away!
386
00:18:43,160 --> 00:18:44,840
Hey, it's not a tiddler!
387
00:18:45,080 --> 00:18:47,200
It's a monster cock, and she loves it.
388
00:18:48,160 --> 00:18:49,400
Catriona!
389
00:18:51,080 --> 00:18:52,880
Ah, no.
390
00:18:57,200 --> 00:18:58,640
(VOMITING)
391
00:18:59,440 --> 00:19:00,760
ALL: Oh.
392
00:19:02,080 --> 00:19:04,760
I'm done. Let's get you pregnant.
393
00:19:06,160 --> 00:19:07,600
- (ENGINE STARTING)
- (DOOR CLOSING)
394
00:19:14,640 --> 00:19:18,720
Hey, you, Dylan.
I'm really sorry about earlier.
395
00:19:18,960 --> 00:19:21,320
Erm, can I have the room key please?
I need it.
396
00:19:24,880 --> 00:19:28,360
- Let's not stay friends.
- Yes, that would be nice. Thank you.
397
00:19:33,720 --> 00:19:36,240
(CHUCKLES) Well, hey you!
398
00:19:37,520 --> 00:19:39,040
Hey.
399
00:19:39,400 --> 00:19:42,000
You know what I said earlier,
about how you could learn from him?
400
00:19:42,480 --> 00:19:43,920
I was going to come and find you.
401
00:19:44,320 --> 00:19:46,240
- Please don't.
- Okay.
402
00:19:47,720 --> 00:19:48,960
Good luck, Dylan.
403
00:19:51,760 --> 00:19:52,760
The vicar!
404
00:19:53,800 --> 00:19:54,800
Yes! That, my friend,
405
00:19:54,880 --> 00:19:56,560
that is definitely top of
the wedding sex pyramid.
406
00:19:56,640 --> 00:19:59,320
I love that. I love your ambition,
I love where your head's at right now.
407
00:19:59,640 --> 00:20:01,160
You stay in that good place, baby.
408
00:20:03,280 --> 00:20:04,280
(BELL RINGING)
409
00:20:06,280 --> 00:20:08,040
- RECEPTIONIST: Hi.
- I can't stay in my room.
410
00:20:08,440 --> 00:20:09,640
Is there a problem with it?
411
00:20:09,840 --> 00:20:11,560
It's got my ex-girlfriend in it.
412
00:20:14,520 --> 00:20:18,360
Well, we have got... Absolutely nothing.
413
00:20:20,120 --> 00:20:22,440
So, I suppose your only option now
is to find a bar and get drunk.
414
00:20:22,760 --> 00:20:24,040
Okay.
415
00:20:27,720 --> 00:20:28,720
(RECEPTIONIST CHUCKLING)
416
00:20:30,600 --> 00:20:32,680
Hi, are you still serving?
417
00:20:32,840 --> 00:20:34,240
(CHUCKLING)
Absolutely, what would you like?
418
00:20:35,280 --> 00:20:36,400
One of everything?
419
00:20:36,800 --> 00:20:38,280
Okay!
420
00:20:41,480 --> 00:20:44,120
Yeah, I don't think
"'til death us do part"
421
00:20:44,280 --> 00:20:45,680
really applies in their case
422
00:20:45,760 --> 00:20:49,400
because if Angus ever died
without getting her explicit permission,
423
00:20:49,480 --> 00:20:52,480
she, she would dig him up
and make him apologise.
424
00:20:52,920 --> 00:20:54,200
(RECEPTIONIST CHUCKLES)
425
00:20:55,680 --> 00:20:56,760
I'm sorry about your girlfriend.
426
00:20:58,200 --> 00:20:59,920
Thanks, erm...
427
00:21:00,480 --> 00:21:01,720
Abigail.
428
00:21:04,480 --> 00:21:07,280
Well, she wasn't the one.
429
00:21:08,960 --> 00:21:10,960
Not everyone has to be "the one", do they?
430
00:21:12,240 --> 00:21:15,480
Only one can be the one,
if we're being pedantic.
431
00:21:15,760 --> 00:21:19,240
So then, I guess the question is,
what do you do while you're waiting?
432
00:21:52,240 --> 00:21:54,560
Maybe these girls will know
what I should do next.
433
00:21:54,800 --> 00:21:58,160
I think... Maybe I didn't see things
clearly back then.
434
00:21:58,840 --> 00:22:01,280
Come on. Let's just go to the party.
435
00:22:01,760 --> 00:22:03,240
I don't want to go.
436
00:22:04,000 --> 00:22:05,200
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
437
00:22:07,360 --> 00:22:08,880
You two! You're the last here!
438
00:22:09,200 --> 00:22:10,520
Shameful, we know.
439
00:22:12,400 --> 00:22:13,440
You look nice.
440
00:22:14,040 --> 00:22:15,040
Thanks.
441
00:22:15,160 --> 00:22:17,760
Erm, grab yourselves drinks and...
442
00:22:17,840 --> 00:22:19,800
- (CLINKING)
- MAL: Thank, guys.
443
00:22:21,720 --> 00:22:23,240
Erm, don't worry, I'll, I'll be brief.
444
00:22:23,480 --> 00:22:25,840
Erm, Evie and I just want to say
445
00:22:25,920 --> 00:22:29,400
how happy we are to be here,
celebrating with all our friends.
446
00:22:38,440 --> 00:22:40,280
So, have a drink on us
447
00:22:40,360 --> 00:22:44,480
before we have to start saving up again
so you can all get drunk at the wedding!
448
00:22:44,560 --> 00:22:46,320
(ALL CHEERING)
449
00:22:49,360 --> 00:22:50,600
She looks great.
450
00:22:51,960 --> 00:22:53,360
You could still say something.
451
00:23:14,800 --> 00:23:18,480
Hi, Abigail. Er, it's Dylan Witter here.
452
00:23:18,640 --> 00:23:22,160
Erm, you probably don't remember me,
it's been three years.
453
00:23:22,360 --> 00:23:24,240
Erm, yeah, listen...
454
00:23:29,240 --> 00:23:31,240
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
455
00:23:31,246 --> 00:23:33,246
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