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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074 Advertise your product or brand here contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today 2 00:00:36,913 --> 00:00:39,916 (INTRO TO WOMAN BY WOLFMOTHER PLAYING) 3 00:00:43,044 --> 00:00:45,547 Woman, you know you're a woman 4 00:00:45,630 --> 00:00:47,048 You got to be... 5 00:00:47,132 --> 00:00:50,051 - There she is. Hey. - Hi, guys. 6 00:00:50,593 --> 00:00:52,178 JESS: All right, baby girl. You go, baby girl. 7 00:00:52,262 --> 00:00:54,222 You go, baby girl. You go, you go get it. 8 00:00:54,723 --> 00:00:56,808 - (CHEERING) - Yes! 9 00:00:57,308 --> 00:00:58,852 - You're my baby... - BOTH: Ba, Ba, Ba, Ba, Ba... 10 00:00:59,269 --> 00:01:00,270 JESS: No, no, no, don't make it. 11 00:01:00,979 --> 00:01:02,230 - Oh! - Damn it! 12 00:01:02,313 --> 00:01:04,566 Oh... Yes! 13 00:01:04,649 --> 00:01:07,152 - (GAGS) Nope. I absolute... - I got this. I got this. 14 00:01:07,235 --> 00:01:08,778 - I absolutely can't do it. - Come on, Jess! 15 00:01:08,862 --> 00:01:10,989 But remember, this is a stupid frat boy ritual, so... 16 00:01:11,072 --> 00:01:12,240 Yeah, but kick their ass! (WHOOPS) 17 00:01:12,323 --> 00:01:13,533 - Yeah, fuck 'em up! - Hey. 18 00:01:13,616 --> 00:01:14,576 - We're together. - No. 19 00:01:14,659 --> 00:01:16,453 Cool, cool, cool. 20 00:01:18,204 --> 00:01:19,998 - (CHEERING, GROANING) - JESS: Yes. 21 00:01:20,665 --> 00:01:23,042 - (SCREAMING, WHOOPING) - MAN: Yeah, go, Jess! 22 00:01:23,543 --> 00:01:25,545 - Dude! - (LAUGHING) 23 00:01:25,712 --> 00:01:27,589 Oh, God. Oh, God, Jess. 24 00:01:28,131 --> 00:01:29,841 Only two cups left. 25 00:01:30,133 --> 00:01:32,343 No, there's one cup. You're just seeing double. 26 00:01:32,677 --> 00:01:35,388 Oh, God! There's only one cups left. 27 00:01:35,472 --> 00:01:37,307 - Oh, I can't do it. It's too much pressure. - What? 28 00:01:37,390 --> 00:01:38,808 - I can't do it, Jess. - Look... 29 00:01:38,892 --> 00:01:40,643 - Look at me. Look at me. - Mmm-hmm? 30 00:01:40,727 --> 00:01:42,562 You got us through the Wendy's drive-through 31 00:01:42,645 --> 00:01:44,647 when my car had no windshield and three tires. 32 00:01:44,731 --> 00:01:46,107 (WHISPERS) You can do anything. 33 00:01:46,191 --> 00:01:47,776 (WHISPERING) Yeah, but everybody's watching me, 34 00:01:47,859 --> 00:01:49,819 and I'm sweating like crazy. 35 00:01:49,903 --> 00:01:52,071 I look like a princess, but I smell like a peasant. 36 00:01:52,155 --> 00:01:54,449 Let's go, foot job girl! 37 00:01:55,408 --> 00:01:58,203 Excuse me, she has a name! It's Alice. 38 00:01:58,286 --> 00:02:01,998 And she's my best friend, and she's good and kind. 39 00:02:02,081 --> 00:02:03,291 BOTH: Yeah! 40 00:02:03,541 --> 00:02:06,586 Thank you, but I did jerk off his roommate with my feet. 41 00:02:06,711 --> 00:02:08,129 I... I know. 42 00:02:08,213 --> 00:02:11,716 The key is, right foot only for, like, a while. 43 00:02:11,800 --> 00:02:14,719 - You know? Make him beg for... - The left one. I know. Focus! 44 00:02:15,428 --> 00:02:20,099 If we win this, we will be the only girls to ever win the Halloween tournament. 45 00:02:20,225 --> 00:02:21,392 (WHISPERS) We've got to do this. 46 00:02:22,769 --> 00:02:24,604 For womankind. 47 00:02:28,233 --> 00:02:30,068 Stop making me horny, and shoot! 48 00:02:31,736 --> 00:02:34,823 MAN: (RAPPING) Everybody in this bitch gettin' tipsy... 49 00:02:35,698 --> 00:02:38,117 (DISTORTED WHOOSHING) 50 00:02:40,745 --> 00:02:42,747 (CHEERING) 51 00:02:44,749 --> 00:02:46,209 ALICE AND JESS: We did it! We did it! We did it! 52 00:02:46,292 --> 00:02:48,336 - I want up! I want up! I want up! - You deserve it. 53 00:02:48,419 --> 00:02:49,420 You've earned it. 54 00:02:50,755 --> 00:02:52,590 (WHOOPING, CHEERING) 55 00:02:52,841 --> 00:02:55,969 Here we go. All right. All right, yes! 56 00:02:57,470 --> 00:02:58,638 I'm the king of the world! 57 00:02:58,763 --> 00:02:59,764 (THUMP) 58 00:02:59,931 --> 00:03:00,932 ALL: Oh! 59 00:03:02,100 --> 00:03:03,935 BLAIR: Oh. Again? 60 00:03:04,060 --> 00:03:05,770 FRANKIE: Dude. Oh, God. BLAIR: Jess? 61 00:03:05,895 --> 00:03:06,896 WOMAN: Are you all right? 62 00:03:06,980 --> 00:03:09,816 - Oh, my God, are you okay? - Dude. Come on. Come on. 63 00:03:09,899 --> 00:03:12,944 - I'm fine, Mom. - (LAUGHING) Oh, my God. 64 00:03:13,027 --> 00:03:14,737 What happened? 65 00:03:16,114 --> 00:03:18,241 Honestly, I don't even know why we go to these stupid parties. 66 00:03:18,324 --> 00:03:19,534 I just want to hang out with you guys. 67 00:03:19,617 --> 00:03:20,910 - I know. I feel the same way. - Yes! 68 00:03:20,994 --> 00:03:23,663 Everyone else at this college is sloppy and gross. 69 00:03:23,746 --> 00:03:25,164 - BLAIR: Water. - Wait, come here. 70 00:03:25,290 --> 00:03:26,291 Oh. 71 00:03:26,416 --> 00:03:28,293 - Ugh! - Mmm. Not bad. 72 00:03:28,376 --> 00:03:29,836 - ALICE: Who's grosser? - (RHYTHMIC WHIRRING) 73 00:03:29,919 --> 00:03:31,212 What is that? 74 00:03:31,296 --> 00:03:32,338 - What is that? - What's happening? 75 00:03:32,630 --> 00:03:35,675 Oh, it's my vibrator, it randomly turns on and off. 76 00:03:35,800 --> 00:03:37,635 (ALL LAUGHING) 77 00:03:39,721 --> 00:03:43,349 Oh, my God, you guys, I'm gonna miss you so much next semester. 78 00:03:43,474 --> 00:03:44,934 - I don't want to talk about it. - It's sad. 79 00:03:45,018 --> 00:03:46,227 - No, no, no, no. - FRANKIE: Dude, 80 00:03:46,311 --> 00:03:48,396 Al Gore is guest-lecturing next semester. 81 00:03:48,479 --> 00:03:50,356 Maybe you don't want to go to Australia. I don't know. 82 00:03:50,440 --> 00:03:52,525 - Yeah. - On my 21st birthday, though, 83 00:03:52,859 --> 00:03:54,235 my dad's getting us the chopper. 84 00:03:54,319 --> 00:03:55,904 I said I don't want to talk about it. 85 00:03:55,987 --> 00:03:57,405 So I don't know what's happening. 86 00:03:57,488 --> 00:03:58,907 I don't even want to go. I just... 87 00:03:58,990 --> 00:04:01,492 It was so hard to get into the political science program. 88 00:04:01,576 --> 00:04:04,037 And plus, my gym class is bungee jumping, so... 89 00:04:04,120 --> 00:04:05,413 Oh, my God, wear a good bra. 90 00:04:05,496 --> 00:04:08,249 Well, look, we'll have all of senior year together, 91 00:04:08,333 --> 00:04:11,044 and then we'll have the rest of our lives together, so it's fine. 92 00:04:11,127 --> 00:04:12,921 - BLAIR: Yeah. - You promise? 93 00:04:13,004 --> 00:04:16,299 You guys, our kids are gonna play together. 94 00:04:16,382 --> 00:04:18,259 - FRANKIE: Oh, my God! - Oh, my gosh! 95 00:04:18,343 --> 00:04:20,678 - We're so lucky! - ALICE: Get in here! Come here. 96 00:04:20,762 --> 00:04:22,764 - Oh. Mmm! - (RHYTHMIC WHIRRING) 97 00:04:22,847 --> 00:04:25,600 - FRANKIE: Okay, that is a second vibrator. - Yeah, I have a few. 98 00:04:25,683 --> 00:04:26,893 Just... Just, yeah. 99 00:04:28,186 --> 00:04:29,604 BLAIR: No! JESS: Janine, no! 100 00:04:29,687 --> 00:04:31,314 - No! No! No! - Janine, get out! 101 00:04:31,397 --> 00:04:32,899 - Come on. - Janine! 102 00:04:32,982 --> 00:04:33,983 Oh, my God! Stop! 103 00:04:34,067 --> 00:04:35,652 - Bathroom is next-door! - Cannot believe! 104 00:04:35,735 --> 00:04:37,779 - Every damn weekend with this! - Stop! She's already peeing. 105 00:04:37,862 --> 00:04:39,030 ALICE: Janine! 106 00:04:39,113 --> 00:04:40,698 MAN: (SINGING) Whoo! 107 00:04:41,199 --> 00:04:42,533 What! What! 108 00:04:45,119 --> 00:04:46,871 (MELLOW MUSIC PLAYING) 109 00:04:47,288 --> 00:04:51,709 Hi. I'm Jessica Thayer, and I'm running for state senate. 110 00:04:51,876 --> 00:04:55,254 Crime, underfunded schools, sewage. 111 00:04:55,338 --> 00:04:58,424 These are real problems that our community is facing. 112 00:04:58,925 --> 00:05:02,053 Looking forward to your vote on November 3. 113 00:05:02,387 --> 00:05:03,972 Thank you. 114 00:05:05,390 --> 00:05:08,434 - It's great. - Well, 6% of the focus group 115 00:05:08,518 --> 00:05:10,561 did say that it seemed like you wouldn't put out. 116 00:05:10,895 --> 00:05:13,231 What? Why are they being asked that? 117 00:05:13,314 --> 00:05:15,817 Don't know, but 6% is, like, a lot. 118 00:05:16,359 --> 00:05:17,902 - Yeah. - We're still so close. 119 00:05:17,986 --> 00:05:21,114 I don't understand, Wesson literally tweeted out a dick pic. 120 00:05:21,197 --> 00:05:22,156 He apologized. 121 00:05:22,240 --> 00:05:25,034 Yes. He said, "I'm sorry, wrong dick pic," 122 00:05:25,118 --> 00:05:27,328 - and then he tweeted out another one. - (GRUNTS) 123 00:05:27,620 --> 00:05:30,957 Look, if Wesson wins, he's literally gonna cut every single program 124 00:05:31,040 --> 00:05:32,542 that actually helps people. 125 00:05:32,625 --> 00:05:34,127 We know that. Right? 126 00:05:34,252 --> 00:05:36,713 But people want to vote for someone they can relate to. 127 00:05:36,921 --> 00:05:38,339 They feel safe with Wesson. 128 00:05:38,423 --> 00:05:39,674 They want to have a beer with him. 129 00:05:39,757 --> 00:05:44,012 I'm not sure anyone wants to have a beer with that. 130 00:05:46,014 --> 00:05:47,015 (GROANS) 131 00:05:47,098 --> 00:05:49,142 - (RINGTONE PLAYING) - Oh. 132 00:05:50,226 --> 00:05:51,185 Hey, Alice. 133 00:05:51,269 --> 00:05:54,522 Hey. I am so excited for this trip. 134 00:05:54,605 --> 00:05:56,899 I got my IUD taken out for Miami. 135 00:05:56,983 --> 00:05:58,735 Um, is that a good idea? 136 00:05:58,818 --> 00:06:00,737 Uh, yeah. It's your bachelorette weekend. 137 00:06:00,820 --> 00:06:02,697 Jess, Wesson tweeted out another dick pic, 138 00:06:02,780 --> 00:06:04,615 and it's already got 10,0 retweets. 139 00:06:04,699 --> 00:06:06,409 Alice, I... I got to call you back. 140 00:06:06,784 --> 00:06:07,785 (BEEP) 141 00:06:09,662 --> 00:06:11,873 Tulum, give her back her Kindle! 142 00:06:12,790 --> 00:06:14,459 Every fuckin' day. 143 00:06:14,667 --> 00:06:16,961 144 00:06:20,256 --> 00:06:23,051 - Hey. - Mmm. Hey. 145 00:06:23,134 --> 00:06:26,345 I'm so sorry. I got stuck at the office. 146 00:06:26,429 --> 00:06:27,972 It's okay. 147 00:06:28,431 --> 00:06:29,849 BOTH: Mmm. 148 00:06:29,932 --> 00:06:32,894 - I got you chicken cashew nut, extra nut. - Oh, no. 149 00:06:33,394 --> 00:06:34,896 I ate an apple 150 00:06:34,979 --> 00:06:38,232 and a bag of very, very stale pretzels at the office. 151 00:06:38,316 --> 00:06:40,234 It was so hard to get extra nut. 152 00:06:40,318 --> 00:06:43,071 That woman is so mean. She yells at me all the time. 153 00:06:43,154 --> 00:06:44,906 She thought I hung up, but I heard her call me a dipshit. 154 00:06:44,989 --> 00:06:48,076 - How much did you tip? - 2%. 155 00:06:48,159 --> 00:06:51,162 - I know. I know, I know. - Yeah. Like, I couldn't. I... 156 00:06:51,245 --> 00:06:53,081 - You're just such a good person. - (RINGTONE PLAYING) 157 00:06:54,082 --> 00:06:55,917 Oh, it's Alice. I forgot to call her back. 158 00:06:56,000 --> 00:06:58,669 - It's okay, get it. - No. I can't, I can't, I can't. 159 00:06:58,753 --> 00:07:00,963 - Enough with my bachelorette itinerary. - Ah. 160 00:07:01,047 --> 00:07:02,590 - Like, she's planned it to the half hour. - Wow. 161 00:07:02,673 --> 00:07:06,761 Yeah, I feel like this weekend has come at the worst possible time. 162 00:07:06,844 --> 00:07:08,096 I'm so stressed out. 163 00:07:08,179 --> 00:07:09,889 You'll see your friends, you'll have fun. 164 00:07:09,972 --> 00:07:10,973 It'll be restorative. 165 00:07:11,057 --> 00:07:13,184 Like that time we took Xanax and slept for 16 hours. 166 00:07:13,559 --> 00:07:15,061 Oh, God, that was good. 167 00:07:15,144 --> 00:07:16,854 (SIGHS) You know, I love those girls, 168 00:07:16,938 --> 00:07:19,148 but I really just don't want to have a party weekend right now. 169 00:07:19,232 --> 00:07:22,235 - Mmm-hmm. - I want to have a weekend with you. 170 00:07:22,360 --> 00:07:24,195 - I miss you. - Mmm-hmm. I miss you, too. 171 00:07:24,278 --> 00:07:26,114 - You've been at the office, like, nonstop. - I know. 172 00:07:26,197 --> 00:07:27,198 Mmm. 173 00:07:29,325 --> 00:07:31,369 Mmm. Mmm. 174 00:07:32,036 --> 00:07:34,038 Wait, wait, one... If we keep kissing, 175 00:07:34,122 --> 00:07:35,498 I'm gonna want to have sex. 176 00:07:35,790 --> 00:07:36,833 I'm okay with that. 177 00:07:36,916 --> 00:07:38,292 - I'm down. - Okay. 178 00:07:38,376 --> 00:07:41,921 But I have, like, four things I have to do before. 179 00:07:42,046 --> 00:07:44,841 I just have to print out those itineraries for the city council meeting. 180 00:07:44,924 --> 00:07:46,801 And I have to email the Herald. 181 00:07:46,884 --> 00:07:50,304 I have, like, a 25-minute-ish interview. 182 00:07:50,388 --> 00:07:51,597 - Ooh. Okay. - I... 183 00:07:51,681 --> 00:07:54,142 I tell you what, I'm gonna let you do all that, 184 00:07:54,225 --> 00:07:56,394 and I'm gonna go masturbate in the shower and go to sleep. 185 00:07:57,728 --> 00:07:59,147 - Really? - Yeah. 186 00:07:59,897 --> 00:08:01,566 - You're the best. - Well... 187 00:08:01,649 --> 00:08:04,068 - I love you. - I love you, too. 188 00:08:06,404 --> 00:08:09,031 JESS: So, I texted you the address. ALICE: Jess! Shots! Shots! 189 00:08:09,115 --> 00:08:11,367 Shots, shots, shots, shots! Shots! Shots! 190 00:08:11,450 --> 00:08:13,870 - Shots, shots, shots! - (BOTH LAUGHING) 191 00:08:13,995 --> 00:08:16,956 - ALICE: Yay! Yes! - (BOTH LAUGH) 192 00:08:17,039 --> 00:08:18,374 Oh, my God. 193 00:08:18,457 --> 00:08:20,668 - What's on my head? - This is it. 194 00:08:20,751 --> 00:08:22,420 Your bachelorette weekend. 195 00:08:22,503 --> 00:08:25,548 I have been waiting for this moment since the first day of freshman year. 196 00:08:26,007 --> 00:08:28,092 - Get in here. - You have? 197 00:08:28,217 --> 00:08:31,637 Oh, my God, there's gonna be so many hot Miami babes. 198 00:08:31,721 --> 00:08:33,598 We are gonna be swimmin' in dick, girl! 199 00:08:34,098 --> 00:08:35,641 Hi, Alice. 200 00:08:35,766 --> 00:08:37,351 - Peter. Hi. - Hey. 201 00:08:37,435 --> 00:08:39,061 And get out of here, she's mine now. 202 00:08:40,938 --> 00:08:42,523 Don't get in too much trouble, okay? 203 00:08:42,732 --> 00:08:44,984 - Yeah, I won't. - Let's go, let's do it. 204 00:08:45,109 --> 00:08:46,736 Drive safe. Have fun at your bachelor party, okay? 205 00:08:46,819 --> 00:08:47,904 Will do. 206 00:08:47,987 --> 00:08:49,530 Hey, Alice, be careful swimming in all that dick. 207 00:08:49,614 --> 00:08:51,073 ALICE: What are you? Okay, bye. 208 00:08:51,782 --> 00:08:53,117 I'm so happy to see you. 209 00:08:53,451 --> 00:08:55,912 Oh, this weekend's gonna be so much fun. 210 00:08:55,995 --> 00:08:57,955 Can't wait to see my girls! 211 00:08:58,080 --> 00:09:01,542 When the pepper spray hits your face, and it will, 212 00:09:01,626 --> 00:09:03,711 keep your mouth closed tight. 213 00:09:03,794 --> 00:09:05,880 - We are peaceful protestors. - Yes! 214 00:09:05,963 --> 00:09:08,382 Yet we fight, you know? Yet we are strong! 215 00:09:08,466 --> 00:09:09,967 - Yeah! Yeah! - This is war! 216 00:09:10,092 --> 00:09:12,845 - (ALARM BEEPING) - Okay, I got to head to a bachelorette. 217 00:09:13,137 --> 00:09:15,973 But if anybody from the group disappears from the protest, 218 00:09:16,057 --> 00:09:18,309 you text my cell phone immediately. 219 00:09:19,477 --> 00:09:20,728 You have a cell phone? 220 00:09:21,062 --> 00:09:22,730 - Uh, no. - You're one of them! 221 00:09:22,813 --> 00:09:23,814 (FRANKIE GROANS) 222 00:09:24,857 --> 00:09:26,817 I'll pick you up after school on Monday, okay, sweetie? 223 00:09:27,276 --> 00:09:29,403 Mommy, do you have to go to Miami? 224 00:09:29,820 --> 00:09:32,114 Yes, I really do. 225 00:09:32,198 --> 00:09:34,450 But I'm gonna miss you so much. 226 00:09:34,533 --> 00:09:37,078 Technically, my time started 2 minutes ago, 227 00:09:37,161 --> 00:09:39,997 so, going to note this for the custody hearing. 228 00:09:41,791 --> 00:09:44,835 Mmm. I love you. Mwah! Mwah! 229 00:09:45,503 --> 00:09:46,545 Bye. 230 00:09:46,629 --> 00:09:47,880 231 00:09:55,596 --> 00:09:57,682 Come on, shake your body, baby, do the conga 232 00:09:57,765 --> 00:09:59,767 I know you can't control yourself any longer... 233 00:09:59,934 --> 00:10:01,727 234 00:10:02,186 --> 00:10:04,063 Well, well, well. 235 00:10:05,022 --> 00:10:06,232 Damn. 236 00:10:06,315 --> 00:10:07,817 Damn. 237 00:10:08,150 --> 00:10:09,151 How do you do it? 238 00:10:09,235 --> 00:10:11,779 How do you look this flawless getting off a plane? 239 00:10:11,904 --> 00:10:13,281 It's honestly rude. 240 00:10:13,364 --> 00:10:14,740 What, are you flirting with me? 241 00:10:15,241 --> 00:10:17,868 I would not flirt with a happily married woman who broke my heart. 242 00:10:17,952 --> 00:10:20,788 Oh, my God, you broke up with me, don't even start with that. 243 00:10:20,871 --> 00:10:24,125 Excuse me, now you are flirting with me, okay? 244 00:10:24,208 --> 00:10:25,960 It's good to see you. 245 00:10:26,711 --> 00:10:28,129 It's good to see you, too. 246 00:10:28,671 --> 00:10:30,464 Girl, I have had a day. 247 00:10:30,548 --> 00:10:34,093 First was full, I had to ride business. It was disgusting. 248 00:10:34,176 --> 00:10:35,386 (LAUGHS) 249 00:10:35,803 --> 00:10:38,264 - Gross. - You're serious. Okay. Cool. 250 00:10:38,389 --> 00:10:42,059 Oh, my God, did you hear Alice is making us go to a foam party? 251 00:10:42,143 --> 00:10:43,185 Ugh! I know. 252 00:10:43,269 --> 00:10:45,313 She has a scary amount of time on her hands. 253 00:10:45,521 --> 00:10:47,940 Even though she's a full-time teacher, I'm still like, "Get a job." 254 00:10:48,024 --> 00:10:49,525 Do you have a job? 255 00:10:50,067 --> 00:10:53,070 Activism is a full-time job, but... 256 00:10:53,612 --> 00:10:55,156 - Also no. - Mmm-hmm. 257 00:10:55,239 --> 00:10:57,158 Look at them, the magic is still there. 258 00:10:57,241 --> 00:10:58,367 - Hello! - Hello! 259 00:10:58,659 --> 00:11:01,037 - Hi! - Hi! Yes! Yes! 260 00:11:01,120 --> 00:11:03,247 (SHOUTS, LAUGHTER) 261 00:11:03,331 --> 00:11:06,167 - Oh, my God! - It is all happening! 262 00:11:06,292 --> 00:11:08,294 Mmm! God, you smell so good. 263 00:11:08,377 --> 00:11:10,504 - I have, like, half a pound of weed in my bra. - Ah. 264 00:11:10,588 --> 00:11:14,508 - Hey, Alice, how's your mom? - Well, Alzheimer's is tough, but she's good. 265 00:11:14,592 --> 00:11:15,760 Good. 266 00:11:15,843 --> 00:11:18,512 The Wallace 5th Floor Girls are back together again! 267 00:11:18,596 --> 00:11:20,514 (WHOOPING, LAUGHING) 268 00:11:20,598 --> 00:11:22,391 God, when was the last time we were all together? 269 00:11:22,475 --> 00:11:23,976 I think it was two summers ago 270 00:11:24,060 --> 00:11:25,770 when we came to visit you in your tree, right? 271 00:11:25,895 --> 00:11:27,980 No, no, no, 'cause Jess couldn't make it, it was, uh, 272 00:11:28,064 --> 00:11:29,857 New Year's Eve, when Blair was in labor. 273 00:11:30,316 --> 00:11:32,902 - Oh, my God. Crazy. - God, that was three years ago, then. 274 00:11:32,985 --> 00:11:34,820 Yeah. Well, we only have 55 hours, 275 00:11:34,904 --> 00:11:37,656 so let's stop wasting our motherfucking time 276 00:11:37,782 --> 00:11:39,784 and let's get the party started. 277 00:11:40,868 --> 00:11:42,411 - Yes! - Alice, you rock! 278 00:11:42,495 --> 00:11:44,080 - The party starts now. - (CORK POPS) 279 00:11:44,163 --> 00:11:46,123 (PANICKED SHOUTS, SCREAMS) 280 00:11:47,416 --> 00:11:49,126 Oh, my God. That was a bad idea. 281 00:11:49,210 --> 00:11:51,128 - Yeah, we're in an airport. - That was bad. 282 00:11:51,212 --> 00:11:52,880 - That sounded like a gunshot. - Yeah. 283 00:11:52,963 --> 00:11:54,006 - Let's go. - Yep. 284 00:11:54,090 --> 00:11:55,091 JESS: Sorry. Our bad. 285 00:11:55,174 --> 00:11:56,300 ALICE: Sorry, everyone, bachelorette weekend. 286 00:11:56,884 --> 00:11:59,929 FRANKIE: I was never here! Never! Move! 287 00:12:00,012 --> 00:12:02,515 (CONGA PLAYING) 288 00:12:02,681 --> 00:12:04,767 289 00:12:07,728 --> 00:12:09,647 Come on, shake your body, baby, do the conga 290 00:12:09,730 --> 00:12:11,232 I know you can't control yourself any longer 291 00:12:11,315 --> 00:12:12,733 BLAIR: Ooh. FRANKIE: Wow. 292 00:12:12,817 --> 00:12:15,861 ALICE: Nice Miami house, mami. BLAIR: Very nice. 293 00:12:15,986 --> 00:12:17,905 FRANKIE: Oh, gracias. JESS: Um... 294 00:12:17,988 --> 00:12:20,991 We are supposed to pick up the keys from the neighbors. 295 00:12:21,909 --> 00:12:23,244 ALICE: Did you bring a bathing suit? 296 00:12:23,327 --> 00:12:24,537 JESS: Hello? ALICE: The beach is nice. 297 00:12:24,620 --> 00:12:25,621 Hi. 298 00:12:25,704 --> 00:12:27,456 Sorry, somebody left some keys for... 299 00:12:27,540 --> 00:12:29,250 - Oh, my goodness. - Oh, sorry, we'll come back. 300 00:12:29,333 --> 00:12:31,168 - So sorry. - LEA: Oh, hi, girls. 301 00:12:31,252 --> 00:12:32,837 No, no, I'm sorry. 302 00:12:33,295 --> 00:12:35,214 Let me put something on. 303 00:12:35,506 --> 00:12:36,507 FRANKIE: Oh. 304 00:12:36,632 --> 00:12:38,092 - LEA: Come on in. - Very funny. 305 00:12:38,175 --> 00:12:39,385 - Is it really? - I love it. 306 00:12:39,468 --> 00:12:40,970 - Hello. - Hi. 307 00:12:41,053 --> 00:12:42,930 - Thank you. Oh. - Hi. Oh. 308 00:12:43,013 --> 00:12:44,056 Okay. 309 00:12:44,181 --> 00:12:45,266 What brings you to Miami? 310 00:12:45,891 --> 00:12:47,685 Business? Pleasure? 311 00:12:48,352 --> 00:12:49,478 The business of pleasure? 312 00:12:49,687 --> 00:12:51,397 Oh, bachelorette weekend. 313 00:12:51,480 --> 00:12:53,691 - Jess is getting married. - Ah. 314 00:12:53,858 --> 00:12:55,526 - Congratulations! - JESS: Thank you. 315 00:12:55,609 --> 00:12:56,861 This marriage, will it be open? 316 00:12:57,778 --> 00:12:59,113 You know, we haven't discussed it. 317 00:12:59,196 --> 00:13:01,115 But, probably closed. Yeah. 318 00:13:01,198 --> 00:13:02,992 Tightly, tightly closed. 319 00:13:03,075 --> 00:13:05,786 Lea, does she not remind you 320 00:13:05,870 --> 00:13:08,038 of our French girl from Turks and Caicos? 321 00:13:08,164 --> 00:13:10,541 - Oh. - She does. 322 00:13:11,083 --> 00:13:12,418 Thank you. Thanks. 323 00:13:13,878 --> 00:13:16,046 Well, we're gonna try to keep it down. 324 00:13:16,130 --> 00:13:18,007 - BLAIR: Mmm-hmm. - Oh, well, we'll try not to. 325 00:13:18,090 --> 00:13:19,550 - ALICE: Oh. - (LAUGHTER) 326 00:13:19,633 --> 00:13:20,759 Ah! Yes! 327 00:13:20,843 --> 00:13:21,886 - They're serious. - Go. Go, go, downstairs. 328 00:13:22,845 --> 00:13:24,430 She is delicious. 329 00:13:24,972 --> 00:13:26,891 - I want that. - Mmm. 330 00:13:28,142 --> 00:13:30,060 (WOMEN LAUGHING) 331 00:13:30,769 --> 00:13:32,563 Ooh, yes. 332 00:13:32,897 --> 00:13:35,483 Oh, Real World, baby! Miami! 333 00:13:35,566 --> 00:13:38,319 Ew. This house represents everything I hate. 334 00:13:38,402 --> 00:13:39,987 I'm gonna go take a protest dump. 335 00:13:40,070 --> 00:13:42,031 I call the room next to Jess! Ah. 336 00:13:42,406 --> 00:13:43,866 Oh, I think that room has bunk beds, 337 00:13:43,949 --> 00:13:45,075 so you're gonna have to share with Pippa. 338 00:13:45,493 --> 00:13:46,535 Uh, who that? 339 00:13:47,119 --> 00:13:49,413 Pippa, my Australian friend from semester abroad. 340 00:13:49,497 --> 00:13:51,207 She's been CC'd on, like, every single email. 341 00:13:51,290 --> 00:13:52,917 Oh, right. 342 00:13:53,000 --> 00:13:54,877 Well, if my snoring bothers her, she can take the couch. 343 00:13:54,960 --> 00:13:56,879 Or she can just start on the couch and we'll go from there. 344 00:13:56,962 --> 00:13:58,589 We'll figure it out. She'll start on the couch. 345 00:14:00,007 --> 00:14:01,091 - JESS: Blair. - What? 346 00:14:01,175 --> 00:14:04,345 Can you be careful with the red wine on the white carpet, please? 347 00:14:04,428 --> 00:14:06,555 My biggest and only donor 348 00:14:06,639 --> 00:14:08,474 generously lent us this house for the weekend. 349 00:14:08,891 --> 00:14:11,268 - So, please be careful. - Okay. 350 00:14:11,352 --> 00:14:13,854 I'm telling you, she's got bigger problems than a wine stain 351 00:14:13,938 --> 00:14:16,440 if she wants to sell this place for 3.4 in this market. 352 00:14:16,774 --> 00:14:18,734 - How do you know that? - Zillow. 353 00:14:18,817 --> 00:14:20,903 - I Zillow everybody. - Really? 354 00:14:20,986 --> 00:14:23,113 Like, do you know how much my house is worth? 355 00:14:24,031 --> 00:14:25,824 - Mmm-hmm. - ALICE: Okay, atencin. 356 00:14:26,158 --> 00:14:27,660 Bachelorette kit time. 357 00:14:27,785 --> 00:14:28,953 Let me get your attention. 358 00:14:29,036 --> 00:14:30,371 We got it all. 359 00:14:30,454 --> 00:14:33,082 Bride-to-be bathrobe for our lovely Jess, 360 00:14:33,374 --> 00:14:37,545 penis straws, penis sunglasses, penis sprinkles, penis gum, 361 00:14:37,628 --> 00:14:39,547 penis hats, penis pasta. 362 00:14:39,630 --> 00:14:41,799 And yes, I did get a little drunk and ate some of that dry. 363 00:14:42,383 --> 00:14:44,385 - Don't judge. - No judgment. 364 00:14:44,718 --> 00:14:46,971 Also, I wrote you a card. But don't read it now, read it later. 365 00:14:47,429 --> 00:14:48,931 - Thanks, Alice. - Yeah. 366 00:14:49,014 --> 00:14:50,599 (FRANKIE SCREAMS UPSTAIRS) 367 00:14:50,808 --> 00:14:52,977 Oh, shit. Frankie? 368 00:14:53,811 --> 00:14:55,896 - Frankie? - Frankie. 369 00:14:55,980 --> 00:14:57,398 (LAUGHS) Oh, my God! 370 00:14:58,357 --> 00:14:59,483 - What? - JESS: Oh! 371 00:14:59,567 --> 00:15:01,402 BLAIR: Oh, my God. FRANKIE: Oh, yes, mami. 372 00:15:01,485 --> 00:15:03,153 Is that a sex swing? 373 00:15:03,237 --> 00:15:05,406 Ooh, your donor is a freak, Jess. 374 00:15:05,489 --> 00:15:07,199 Please. She rents this house out. 375 00:15:07,283 --> 00:15:09,076 I'm sure somebody else left it here accidentally. 376 00:15:09,159 --> 00:15:11,745 And installed a load-bearing beam to support it accidentally. 377 00:15:11,829 --> 00:15:13,080 - Yeah. - Oh, my God, Jess. 378 00:15:13,163 --> 00:15:14,748 I want to audition some dresses for tonight. 379 00:15:14,832 --> 00:15:16,333 I brought 14. Come on! 380 00:15:16,417 --> 00:15:17,418 WOMAN: (SINGING) Yeah, I wanna burn 381 00:15:17,501 --> 00:15:19,461 Break, crash, explode 382 00:15:19,545 --> 00:15:22,214 Every time you look at me, you look at me... 383 00:15:22,298 --> 00:15:23,257 Jess, if you are working, 384 00:15:23,340 --> 00:15:25,217 - I'm gonna smack you in the face right now. - I'm not. I'm not. 385 00:15:25,301 --> 00:15:26,427 - One second. - I'm gonna smack your face. 386 00:15:26,510 --> 00:15:28,679 - Wait, wait, let me send it. Send, send, send. - Put it down. 387 00:15:28,804 --> 00:15:30,598 All right, come on, let's take a picture. 388 00:15:30,681 --> 00:15:33,392 - Say, um, "Miami forever." - Uh, forever. 389 00:15:33,475 --> 00:15:34,602 - (CAMERA CLICKS) - (ALICE CHUCKLES) 390 00:15:34,685 --> 00:15:37,104 - You want us in the picture or not? - Do you guys want us in the photo... 391 00:15:37,187 --> 00:15:39,023 - We're here, too. - ALICE: Oh, my gosh, 392 00:15:39,106 --> 00:15:40,107 - we both look killer in that. - Cool. 393 00:15:40,190 --> 00:15:41,984 I'm so bummed I can't tag you in this, on Facebook. 394 00:15:42,067 --> 00:15:43,402 Why did you delete your account? 395 00:15:43,485 --> 00:15:45,279 I had to. You were, you were tagging me 396 00:15:45,362 --> 00:15:47,698 - on things that could literally ruin my career. - (LAUGHS) 397 00:15:47,781 --> 00:15:48,991 - Yeah. - (PHONE CHIMES) 398 00:15:49,074 --> 00:15:50,492 It's Pip! She's here! 399 00:15:50,576 --> 00:15:52,620 - What? Who's that? - Hi! 400 00:15:52,703 --> 00:15:53,829 - JESS: Pip! - Oh. 401 00:15:53,954 --> 00:15:55,205 (SQUEALS SOFTLY) 402 00:15:55,873 --> 00:15:57,041 Sorry. Whoops. 403 00:15:57,124 --> 00:15:58,167 - I'm sorry. Whoops. - MAN: Hey. 404 00:15:58,792 --> 00:16:01,503 Hello, hello, hello. 405 00:16:01,670 --> 00:16:02,963 Oh, my God. Oh, my God. 406 00:16:03,047 --> 00:16:04,048 (BOTH SQUEAL) 407 00:16:04,632 --> 00:16:08,302 - (LAUGHS) - You're a goddess. You're literally a goddess. 408 00:16:08,385 --> 00:16:09,595 - Guys... - Hi. 409 00:16:09,678 --> 00:16:11,555 This is Pippa. 410 00:16:11,639 --> 00:16:12,973 - Hello. - BLAIR: The famous... 411 00:16:13,057 --> 00:16:14,892 Frankie, Blair, Alice. 412 00:16:15,059 --> 00:16:16,226 Hey, what's up? 413 00:16:16,310 --> 00:16:18,562 My God, you guys are meeting for the first time, this is so exciting. 414 00:16:18,646 --> 00:16:20,189 - I know. - Nice to meet you. 415 00:16:20,272 --> 00:16:23,984 This is so weird, you guys, because it's sort of like 416 00:16:24,068 --> 00:16:26,695 you're all Jess's best friends, I'm Jess's best friend. 417 00:16:26,779 --> 00:16:30,616 And so it's sort of like we're all already best friends, you know? 418 00:16:30,699 --> 00:16:33,035 Well, it's a little different for us, sorry to interrupt, 419 00:16:33,118 --> 00:16:35,996 but, uh, Jess and I were freshman year roommates, 420 00:16:36,080 --> 00:16:38,415 so it's kind of like family. Eh. 421 00:16:38,666 --> 00:16:41,835 - I know, I know. - Um, okay, I'm going to grab a chair. 422 00:16:41,919 --> 00:16:43,212 Feel free to gel. 423 00:16:43,295 --> 00:16:45,089 PIPPA: Just gonna sit on my suitcase here. 424 00:16:45,381 --> 00:16:47,216 Ooh. I'm famished. 425 00:16:47,299 --> 00:16:49,218 - Do you want my leftovers? - Oh, shoot. We just finished. 426 00:16:49,301 --> 00:16:50,886 No, I was gonna wrap that up and take it to go. 427 00:16:50,969 --> 00:16:52,429 I think we're done. Check, please! 428 00:16:52,888 --> 00:16:56,725 It's okay. I'm just gonna take some of this bread from the bread basket. 429 00:16:56,809 --> 00:16:59,395 When you got bread and Vegemite, you got yourself a meal. 430 00:16:59,478 --> 00:17:00,979 What? Vegemite? 431 00:17:01,063 --> 00:17:03,315 They should call you cuckoos instead of Kiwis. 432 00:17:03,399 --> 00:17:04,525 Am I right? 433 00:17:04,608 --> 00:17:05,734 - Alice. - Oh, my God. 434 00:17:05,818 --> 00:17:07,236 That's funny on several levels, 435 00:17:07,319 --> 00:17:10,447 because I'm actually Australian and a Kiwi is a New Zealander. 436 00:17:10,781 --> 00:17:13,492 There's nothing wrong with being a Kiwi, we all love Kiwis, 437 00:17:13,575 --> 00:17:16,704 but, um, it's sort of like calling a Chinese person Japanese. 438 00:17:16,787 --> 00:17:18,539 It's just sort of like, little bit racist 439 00:17:18,622 --> 00:17:21,417 to not recognize the cultural differences there, you know? 440 00:17:21,500 --> 00:17:22,626 Oh, my gosh. 441 00:17:22,751 --> 00:17:24,795 Eat me out. It's a fruit, Kiwi. 442 00:17:24,878 --> 00:17:26,630 (LAUGHS) I'll take it. 443 00:17:27,172 --> 00:17:28,257 Pippa, what do you do? 444 00:17:28,799 --> 00:17:31,343 Well, singer-songwriter is the dream. 445 00:17:31,427 --> 00:17:33,262 Uh, party clown is the reality. 446 00:17:34,304 --> 00:17:36,640 - Hmm. - Check. Just, anyone, a check. 447 00:17:37,141 --> 00:17:38,350 (WHISPERS) A chair. 448 00:17:38,434 --> 00:17:40,060 (MOUTH FULL) Oh, a chair. 449 00:17:40,144 --> 00:17:42,396 Right. (SIGHS) 450 00:17:43,063 --> 00:17:45,149 I'm so excited to see you. It's been so long. 451 00:17:45,232 --> 00:17:46,900 - Tell me everything. - I'm dying. 452 00:17:46,984 --> 00:17:49,319 The flight was literally amazoir. 453 00:17:49,403 --> 00:17:51,989 - (SILVERWARE TAPPING GLASS) - Ding, ding, ding, ding, da-dang, ding, ding. 454 00:17:52,156 --> 00:17:54,032 Uh, it's toast, toast time. 455 00:17:54,158 --> 00:17:55,409 - JESS: Oh. - (LAUGHS) 456 00:17:55,492 --> 00:17:57,828 Raise your glasses, Jess. 457 00:17:57,911 --> 00:18:00,164 Gosh, I can't believe you're getting married. 458 00:18:00,247 --> 00:18:02,916 Feels like just yesterday you were showing me 459 00:18:03,000 --> 00:18:05,794 how to hide that cat scratch on my face with that cover-up. 460 00:18:05,878 --> 00:18:07,129 I remember that. 461 00:18:07,212 --> 00:18:08,922 And even though we don't get to see you all the time 462 00:18:09,006 --> 00:18:12,050 because you're so busy with Peter and the campaign 463 00:18:12,134 --> 00:18:15,220 and changing your Brita filters or whatever it is you white people do, 464 00:18:16,138 --> 00:18:19,016 (VOICE BREAKS) I love you, and you're my best friend. 465 00:18:21,018 --> 00:18:24,188 Uh... To me and Jess. 466 00:18:24,563 --> 00:18:26,064 - Be-cheers. - BLAIR: Cheers. Again. 467 00:18:26,148 --> 00:18:27,357 I love you, Alice. Thank you. 468 00:18:27,858 --> 00:18:29,651 Three toasts is the limit tonight, though. You're cut off. 469 00:18:29,735 --> 00:18:30,944 If you're gonna do another one, do it now, 470 00:18:31,028 --> 00:18:32,112 'cause I'm gonna go to the bathroom. 471 00:18:32,196 --> 00:18:34,281 - Do you want to come? - Why would I come with you? 472 00:18:34,364 --> 00:18:36,366 It's a heteronormative thing that girls do. 473 00:18:37,159 --> 00:18:38,952 ALICE: Okay, guys, no one responded to my emails 474 00:18:39,036 --> 00:18:40,746 about which club we were gonna go to, 475 00:18:40,829 --> 00:18:43,957 so I printed out the top 1 according to Yelp. 476 00:18:44,041 --> 00:18:47,294 I have my personal favorite, but I don't want to sway anyone, so... 477 00:18:47,377 --> 00:18:49,213 - Is it the one that's circled in big red? - Yeah. 478 00:18:49,505 --> 00:18:53,926 I was kind of hoping that we could make it an early night. 479 00:18:54,551 --> 00:18:56,929 (LAUGHS) Yeah, right. What? 480 00:18:57,012 --> 00:18:59,348 - That doesn't feel right. - No, I'm just so exhausted. 481 00:18:59,431 --> 00:19:00,641 I mean, I've been so overworked... 482 00:19:00,724 --> 00:19:02,684 No, not gonna happen, baby girl, all right? 483 00:19:02,768 --> 00:19:06,647 'Cause this is the biggest weekend of our lives, all right? 484 00:19:07,523 --> 00:19:09,191 Ooh, girls. Ooh, girls. 485 00:19:09,274 --> 00:19:10,943 Hi. I just got some coke from the busboy. 486 00:19:11,068 --> 00:19:12,277 - You fucking what? - What? 487 00:19:12,361 --> 00:19:13,821 America. Already? 488 00:19:13,904 --> 00:19:15,656 Sort of right on the nose. 489 00:19:15,739 --> 00:19:17,491 - Yes, okay, now we're talking. - Ba-bam! Booyah! 490 00:19:17,574 --> 00:19:18,742 Now, okay, I'm in. I'm in. 491 00:19:18,826 --> 00:19:21,745 Okay, guys, I can't do any cocaine. 492 00:19:21,829 --> 00:19:23,121 I'm running for office. 493 00:19:23,205 --> 00:19:24,790 What? No one's gonna find out you did a little coke... 494 00:19:24,873 --> 00:19:27,167 - Stop. - Did a little coke at your bachelorette. 495 00:19:27,251 --> 00:19:30,337 I haven't really done drugs myself since I sort of... 496 00:19:30,420 --> 00:19:33,549 I smoked this bit of shoji root 497 00:19:33,632 --> 00:19:36,969 on an excursion in the desert, and I died. 498 00:19:38,178 --> 00:19:40,055 Anyway, I'm very jet-lagged, 499 00:19:40,138 --> 00:19:41,598 so I will do cocaine, yes. 500 00:19:41,932 --> 00:19:43,600 - So everyone's in? Yep? - Dope, dope, dope. 501 00:19:43,684 --> 00:19:45,602 You guys, hold on. I don't know. 502 00:19:45,686 --> 00:19:48,981 Stop being a stupid fucking cunt and do a little fucking cocaine! 503 00:19:49,064 --> 00:19:50,482 - (SILVERWARE CLATTERS) - Jesus, Frankie. 504 00:19:51,066 --> 00:19:52,734 Sorry, I did a little bit of it. 505 00:19:53,277 --> 00:19:54,444 (SNIFFS) 506 00:19:54,528 --> 00:19:55,654 ALICE: Jess. 507 00:19:57,573 --> 00:19:59,074 It would mean... 508 00:19:59,950 --> 00:20:01,076 (WHISPERS) Yeah. 509 00:20:01,994 --> 00:20:04,079 It would mean so much to me, 510 00:20:05,956 --> 00:20:08,876 if we could do a little bit of cocaine together. 511 00:20:09,501 --> 00:20:10,836 512 00:20:10,961 --> 00:20:12,296 (ALL INHALING DEEPLY) 513 00:20:12,504 --> 00:20:14,715 - (GRUNTS) So disgusting! - (FRANKIE COUGHING) 514 00:20:14,798 --> 00:20:16,133 - Let me get a little more. - Yep. 515 00:20:16,216 --> 00:20:20,429 Before, I was very tired, and now I'm sort of very awake. 516 00:20:21,305 --> 00:20:22,514 That's the cocaine. 517 00:20:22,598 --> 00:20:23,807 - (CHUCKLES) I figured. - Yeah. 518 00:20:23,891 --> 00:20:26,143 I love this. I love Miami! 519 00:20:26,226 --> 00:20:27,519 - Yeah, girl! - Miami! 520 00:20:27,644 --> 00:20:30,147 (ALL WHOOPING) 521 00:20:30,522 --> 00:20:31,815 Whoo! 522 00:20:32,065 --> 00:20:34,318 Okay, now put on these fucking sashes. 523 00:20:34,860 --> 00:20:37,529 (TROUBLE BY NEON JUNGLE PLAYING) 524 00:20:42,743 --> 00:20:43,744 Trouble 525 00:20:43,827 --> 00:20:46,413 I don't look for trouble, but trouble looks for me 526 00:20:46,496 --> 00:20:50,250 And it's been waiting around corners since I was 17 527 00:20:50,334 --> 00:20:54,713 They say, "Here comes a hurricane Trouble is her middle name" 528 00:20:54,796 --> 00:20:57,716 But I don't look for trouble, yeah, trouble looks for me 529 00:20:57,841 --> 00:20:58,800 Hey, hey 530 00:20:58,884 --> 00:21:01,053 I just want to live a quiet life 531 00:21:01,136 --> 00:21:02,846 I'll make an excellent wife 532 00:21:02,971 --> 00:21:05,682 Man, I swear I really try 533 00:21:06,099 --> 00:21:08,435 But some boys, they just can't eat it whole 534 00:21:08,560 --> 00:21:10,270 Trouble is my name, you know 535 00:21:10,354 --> 00:21:12,356 Trouble is my name, you know 536 00:21:12,522 --> 00:21:13,899 (CHEERING) 537 00:21:15,692 --> 00:21:17,027 - Thank you! - All right. 538 00:21:17,653 --> 00:21:19,655 (PIPPA VOCALIZING) 539 00:21:21,365 --> 00:21:22,366 Mmm. 540 00:21:22,699 --> 00:21:25,160 - (BURPS, GROANS) - Oh, my God! 541 00:21:25,243 --> 00:21:26,995 - (SCREAMING) - Yes, yes, yes! 542 00:21:27,079 --> 00:21:29,331 - Oh, my God! - No, no, no. 543 00:21:29,414 --> 00:21:30,832 Man, it smells like barf over here. 544 00:21:30,916 --> 00:21:32,626 - Let's get the fuck out of here. - God! 545 00:21:32,709 --> 00:21:35,295 (KNOCKOUT BLURRY BY MARKAHOLIC PLAYING) 546 00:21:35,879 --> 00:21:37,047 Blurry 547 00:21:39,466 --> 00:21:41,593 Blurry, blurry 548 00:21:44,888 --> 00:21:46,390 Blurry 549 00:21:48,558 --> 00:21:50,227 Blurry, blurry 550 00:21:50,602 --> 00:21:52,354 Knock 'em back, one, two 551 00:21:52,437 --> 00:21:53,897 But it's gettin' kinda blurry 552 00:21:53,981 --> 00:21:55,315 Get blurry with it 553 00:21:55,399 --> 00:21:56,733 Got my eyes on you 554 00:21:56,817 --> 00:21:59,903 But you're gettin' kinda blurry, no hurry with it 555 00:21:59,987 --> 00:22:02,114 Rock your body, and it all makes sense 556 00:22:02,239 --> 00:22:04,324 Got me up under your influence 557 00:22:04,408 --> 00:22:06,076 I'm getting us drinks. 558 00:22:06,159 --> 00:22:08,453 Knockout blurry, no worries 559 00:22:08,745 --> 00:22:11,957 You guys, you guys, let's get Jess a stripper! 560 00:22:12,040 --> 00:22:14,001 - Yes! - Oh, yeah. Okay. 561 00:22:14,084 --> 00:22:15,168 Right? 562 00:22:15,252 --> 00:22:19,548 You guys, you guys, you guys, male or female, though? 563 00:22:19,631 --> 00:22:21,717 Male. I'm thinking male for her. 564 00:22:21,800 --> 00:22:24,094 - Yeah. - Okay, I got it. 565 00:22:25,470 --> 00:22:27,472 Frankie, do you have a tampon? 566 00:22:27,556 --> 00:22:28,932 - I need one. - Uh-huh, yup. 567 00:22:29,016 --> 00:22:30,684 - Thank you. - Got one. Here we go. 568 00:22:30,767 --> 00:22:33,729 What day of your flow are you on? 569 00:22:33,812 --> 00:22:36,106 Oh, no, no. It's our code. 570 00:22:36,189 --> 00:22:38,275 In college, we would ask each other for tampons 571 00:22:38,400 --> 00:22:41,319 if some guy was skeezing us out and we wanted to be saved. 572 00:22:41,403 --> 00:22:43,196 You just say "tampon," and they run. 573 00:22:43,280 --> 00:22:44,781 PIPPA: Oh, my God, I love that. 574 00:22:44,865 --> 00:22:48,201 I used to use tampons, but now I use David cups. 575 00:22:48,285 --> 00:22:50,787 - You mean DivaCups. - No, no, David. 576 00:22:51,079 --> 00:22:52,998 They were designed by my neighbor, David, 577 00:22:53,081 --> 00:22:55,709 to collect blood for an art installation he's doing. 578 00:22:55,792 --> 00:22:57,961 Let's stop talking about periods now. 579 00:22:58,128 --> 00:22:59,296 Cool. 580 00:22:59,379 --> 00:23:03,175 All right, everybody, we have a special request from a Caucasian named 581 00:23:03,258 --> 00:23:04,843 - (SINGSONGY) Alice! - (CHEERING) 582 00:23:04,968 --> 00:23:07,345 That's me. I'm Caucasian Alice. 583 00:23:07,429 --> 00:23:09,222 Bring all your girls up here. Grab 'em. 584 00:23:09,306 --> 00:23:10,807 Jess, come on. Come on. 585 00:23:10,891 --> 00:23:14,144 Give her the drinks. Go on. Girls, get up there. 586 00:23:14,978 --> 00:23:17,814 We won the talent show freshman year with this little routine. 587 00:23:17,898 --> 00:23:20,484 Might want to stand back. No, physically, get back! 588 00:23:20,567 --> 00:23:22,194 (CHUCKLES) Okay. 589 00:23:22,277 --> 00:23:24,404 If you didn't go to college with us, you're not in the routine. 590 00:23:24,488 --> 00:23:25,572 Okay, get into places. 591 00:23:25,822 --> 00:23:26,823 (WHOOPS) 592 00:23:27,324 --> 00:23:30,160 All you ladies pop your pussy like this 593 00:23:30,243 --> 00:23:32,245 Shake your body, don't stop, don't miss 594 00:23:32,329 --> 00:23:34,748 All you ladies pop your pussy like this 595 00:23:34,915 --> 00:23:36,750 Shake your body, don't stop, don't miss 596 00:23:36,833 --> 00:23:41,713 Just do it, do it, do it, do it, do it now 597 00:23:41,838 --> 00:23:43,632 Lick it good, suck this pussy 598 00:23:43,715 --> 00:23:45,258 - Just like you should - Yeah! 599 00:23:45,342 --> 00:23:49,012 My neck, my back, lick my pussy and my crack 600 00:23:49,596 --> 00:23:54,142 My neck, my back, lick my pussy and my crack 601 00:23:54,351 --> 00:23:57,854 My neck, my back, lick my pussy and my crack 602 00:23:58,021 --> 00:23:59,648 You're doing so good! 603 00:23:59,773 --> 00:24:01,650 Lick it now, lick it good 604 00:24:01,733 --> 00:24:04,486 - Lick this pussyjust like you should - Come on 605 00:24:04,569 --> 00:24:06,655 Right now, lick it good 606 00:24:06,738 --> 00:24:07,948 These are my new friends. 607 00:24:08,448 --> 00:24:10,867 My neck, my back, lick 608 00:24:10,951 --> 00:24:12,119 Jess, Jess, Jess! 609 00:24:12,327 --> 00:24:14,371 - Oh! - (CROWD GASPING) 610 00:24:14,830 --> 00:24:16,373 - Oh, shit. - Oh, my God. 611 00:24:16,456 --> 00:24:18,625 Are you okay? You all right? 612 00:24:19,626 --> 00:24:20,961 Did anybody see me fall? 613 00:24:21,044 --> 00:24:22,712 - Everybody saw. Everybody saw. - No. Well, yeah. 614 00:24:22,796 --> 00:24:25,298 - Alice! You fell! - Yeah. 615 00:24:25,382 --> 00:24:27,634 It was be-gorgeous! 616 00:24:27,717 --> 00:24:30,011 Jess, you were supposed to catch me. 617 00:24:30,095 --> 00:24:32,139 You know, I forgot that one part. I'm so sorry. 618 00:24:32,222 --> 00:24:33,515 It's a pretty important part! 619 00:24:34,266 --> 00:24:36,977 Would some more cocaine make you feel better? 620 00:24:37,060 --> 00:24:38,186 Yes! 621 00:24:38,562 --> 00:24:40,981 - I'm gonna party till the break of day - (ALL SNIFFING) 622 00:24:41,106 --> 00:24:42,983 (SNIFFS) 623 00:24:43,775 --> 00:24:47,112 This Montepulciano is majestic and rebellious. 624 00:24:47,362 --> 00:24:49,364 Tell me, what are you tasting? 625 00:24:50,115 --> 00:24:51,283 Pepper. 626 00:24:51,366 --> 00:24:52,534 Pass. I need more time. 627 00:24:53,076 --> 00:24:54,077 (MOANS) 628 00:24:54,286 --> 00:24:55,287 Forest floor. 629 00:24:55,370 --> 00:24:56,371 Licorice. 630 00:24:57,080 --> 00:24:59,624 - There's a nostalgia to it, you know? - OTHERS: Mmm-hmm. Yes. 631 00:24:59,708 --> 00:25:02,085 - You are all correct! - ALL: Oh! 632 00:25:02,586 --> 00:25:04,671 - Yes! - PATRICK: I need more time. 633 00:25:04,754 --> 00:25:06,673 (RINGTONE PLAYING) 634 00:25:06,756 --> 00:25:08,008 Oh. (HISSING INHALE) 635 00:25:08,091 --> 00:25:09,509 It's Jess. 636 00:25:09,593 --> 00:25:12,053 - Take it. - Okay. Hello. 637 00:25:12,137 --> 00:25:15,640 I'm drunk! I lost two credit cards already. 638 00:25:15,724 --> 00:25:17,142 PETER: Oh, no. Okay. 639 00:25:17,225 --> 00:25:19,895 - Well, it's getting pretty wild over here, too. - JESS: Really? 640 00:25:20,103 --> 00:25:22,022 I'm getting, like, a light beeswax. 641 00:25:22,105 --> 00:25:23,607 - Oh, I like that. - Oh. 642 00:25:23,732 --> 00:25:26,860 - Jess, guy says that we can drive his Lambo. - (LAUGHING) 643 00:25:26,943 --> 00:25:29,154 - I, um, I... Babe, I got to go. - All right. 644 00:25:29,237 --> 00:25:30,280 Call me when you're home safe. 645 00:25:30,363 --> 00:25:32,449 - I will. I love you. - Love you, too. 646 00:25:32,574 --> 00:25:33,700 ALICE: Get off the phone. 647 00:25:34,159 --> 00:25:36,203 Are we ready to get crazy? 648 00:25:36,536 --> 00:25:38,288 - Yeah. - Sure. 649 00:25:38,455 --> 00:25:41,875 This Lambrusco is served... 650 00:25:42,959 --> 00:25:44,002 Chilled! 651 00:25:44,127 --> 00:25:46,254 (ALL EXCLAIMING) 652 00:25:46,338 --> 00:25:49,132 (LAUGHTER AND WHOOPING) 653 00:25:49,716 --> 00:25:50,884 Do you guys remember Michelle? 654 00:25:50,967 --> 00:25:53,762 BLAIR: Oh, Michelle, she was obsessed with Nickelback. 655 00:25:53,845 --> 00:25:55,680 (LAUGHTER) 656 00:25:56,139 --> 00:25:58,433 - ALICE: Ooh, beauty, Jess! - (PIPPA GASPS) 657 00:25:58,642 --> 00:26:01,228 - I know what this soiree needs. - What? 658 00:26:01,311 --> 00:26:02,479 Pizza! 659 00:26:02,604 --> 00:26:03,897 - (FRANKIE WHOOPS) - OTHERS: Yeah! 660 00:26:04,356 --> 00:26:06,399 - PIPPA: Pizza! Pizza! - Yes, yes, yes. 661 00:26:06,483 --> 00:26:08,276 - Yes! - Nice! Sweet! 662 00:26:08,485 --> 00:26:09,611 Okay, I love her. 663 00:26:09,694 --> 00:26:11,071 - Right? - Yes. 664 00:26:11,154 --> 00:26:13,657 She is... Be-mazing? I don't know how she would say it, 665 00:26:13,740 --> 00:26:14,866 but she is incredible! 666 00:26:14,950 --> 00:26:17,535 I am telling you, she is one of us. 667 00:26:17,619 --> 00:26:19,704 - She is so free-spirited. - BOTH: Totally. 668 00:26:19,996 --> 00:26:21,790 - I just... I love her. - I don't know about that. 669 00:26:21,873 --> 00:26:23,541 - I totally feel it. - Do you guys feel like 670 00:26:23,625 --> 00:26:26,336 she's here on a work visa, 671 00:26:26,419 --> 00:26:29,214 or, like, a tourist visa or, like, illegally? 672 00:26:29,589 --> 00:26:31,258 - Like, what's her deal? - What, dude? 673 00:26:31,341 --> 00:26:33,176 - She's here for a bachelorette party. - JESS: That is crazy. 674 00:26:33,343 --> 00:26:34,594 - BLAIR: Build a wall. - I just, like, don't... 675 00:26:34,678 --> 00:26:36,137 I don't want to do anything illegal tonight. 676 00:26:36,388 --> 00:26:37,514 - JESS: What? - You don't? 677 00:26:37,597 --> 00:26:39,224 You just snorted a mound of cocaine. 678 00:26:39,307 --> 00:26:42,394 - Simultaneously. - That was, like, in the name of Jess. 679 00:26:42,477 --> 00:26:44,020 That was, like, for Jess. 680 00:26:44,104 --> 00:26:45,772 - Don't put that on me. - FRANKIE: Oh, check you out. 681 00:26:45,855 --> 00:26:46,982 You're literally cuckoo. 682 00:26:47,065 --> 00:26:48,566 I'm just, like, voicing what some people are thinking, 683 00:26:48,650 --> 00:26:50,944 - you know what I mean? - Do you have snags? 684 00:26:52,904 --> 00:26:54,906 Okay, no snags. 685 00:26:54,990 --> 00:26:58,118 Um, is... This is a pizza shop, yeah? 686 00:26:58,201 --> 00:26:59,744 God, it is so warm. 687 00:26:59,828 --> 00:27:01,496 - You guys have to get in. - JESS: Mmm, 688 00:27:01,871 --> 00:27:03,039 I am coming. 689 00:27:03,123 --> 00:27:04,749 I am gonna warn you now. 690 00:27:04,833 --> 00:27:09,462 Uh, did not have time to self-wax, so it is like a jungle down there. 691 00:27:09,546 --> 00:27:10,880 - BLAIR: Self-wax? - Yeah. 692 00:27:10,964 --> 00:27:13,466 Like, with those weird little, like, paper strips? 693 00:27:13,550 --> 00:27:14,926 Yikes, dude. 694 00:27:15,010 --> 00:27:17,470 Even I'm like, "Yikes, dude." 695 00:27:17,554 --> 00:27:20,974 Look, you guys, I don't understand. Why all the hate? 696 00:27:21,057 --> 00:27:22,225 - (DOORBELL RINGS) - Ooh. 697 00:27:22,309 --> 00:27:23,893 - Mmm. - Okay, I got it, I got it. 698 00:27:23,977 --> 00:27:25,395 - Well, that was fast. - But, seriously, 699 00:27:25,478 --> 00:27:27,355 we're gonna talk about this self-wax thing later. 700 00:27:27,439 --> 00:27:28,565 - Okay, come on. - Ooh. 701 00:27:28,815 --> 00:27:30,525 (POUNDING ON DOOR) 702 00:27:34,029 --> 00:27:35,780 - Hey... - Oh, not bad. 703 00:27:35,864 --> 00:27:38,825 - Stripper's here! - (ALICE WHOOPS) 704 00:27:38,908 --> 00:27:40,160 - You guys! - Yes! 705 00:27:40,243 --> 00:27:41,244 I don't want a stripper! 706 00:27:41,536 --> 00:27:42,829 Did you bring a CD or anything? 707 00:27:42,996 --> 00:27:44,956 Like, Now That's What I Call Music! or anything? 708 00:27:45,206 --> 00:27:46,958 - No. No, I didn't. - No? It's all right. 709 00:27:47,042 --> 00:27:48,585 I got some pretty filthy music on my phone. 710 00:27:48,668 --> 00:27:50,545 - I'll hook you up. (CLICKS TONGUE) - Thanks. 711 00:27:52,047 --> 00:27:53,214 - Hey. - Hi. 712 00:27:53,298 --> 00:27:56,092 Hey, um, I, uh, I got to take a piss. 713 00:27:56,676 --> 00:27:58,303 Oh, yeah, there's a bathroom down there. 714 00:27:59,054 --> 00:28:00,096 All right. 715 00:28:00,597 --> 00:28:02,182 It's, like, down there. 716 00:28:02,932 --> 00:28:03,933 JESS: Mmm. 717 00:28:04,267 --> 00:28:05,727 I bet he's going to fluff his junk! 718 00:28:05,810 --> 00:28:07,979 Let's give him room, let's make a stage, yes. 719 00:28:08,063 --> 00:28:09,689 You guys, I don't want a stripper. 720 00:28:09,773 --> 00:28:11,399 I think he looks like he's on something. 721 00:28:11,483 --> 00:28:13,943 He's definitely on something. Like bath salts. 722 00:28:14,277 --> 00:28:16,196 Oh, my God, he's gonna eat our faces. 723 00:28:16,279 --> 00:28:19,282 - Oh, God, he would! - Ugh, this vintage remote is so confusing. 724 00:28:19,366 --> 00:28:22,369 JESS: I've never even had a striptease. I mean... 725 00:28:22,452 --> 00:28:23,536 - Nope. - Well, there was that one time. 726 00:28:23,620 --> 00:28:25,038 - I love myself - ALICE: Yes! 727 00:28:25,121 --> 00:28:26,581 Maybe somebody else should go. 728 00:28:26,664 --> 00:28:28,875 - Stripper. Stripper, stripper. - So, this is Jess, 729 00:28:28,958 --> 00:28:31,461 the bride-to-be, your subject, okay? 730 00:28:31,544 --> 00:28:34,089 And lucky for you, so lucky, 731 00:28:34,172 --> 00:28:35,965 you get to do whatever you want. 732 00:28:36,049 --> 00:28:37,050 Fuck her! 733 00:28:37,133 --> 00:28:38,259 - Alice! - Jesus. 734 00:28:38,343 --> 00:28:39,719 - Too much. - What? If it happens. 735 00:28:39,803 --> 00:28:41,179 (WHOOPS) 736 00:28:41,262 --> 00:28:43,139 - Okay, whoo! Here we go. - PIPPA: Do it. 737 00:28:44,057 --> 00:28:45,600 (WHOOPING) 738 00:28:45,892 --> 00:28:48,728 - First layer, off. - (WHOOPING) 739 00:28:48,812 --> 00:28:50,188 I touch myself 740 00:28:50,313 --> 00:28:51,439 - Oh, shit. - ALICE: Yeah! 741 00:28:53,066 --> 00:28:54,567 JESS: Okay. BLAIR: Come on, Jess! 742 00:28:54,651 --> 00:28:56,152 Here he comes. He's looking at me. 743 00:28:56,444 --> 00:28:58,822 (EXCITED SHOUTS, WHOOPING) 744 00:28:59,072 --> 00:29:00,865 Ooh, happy Boxing Day. 745 00:29:01,282 --> 00:29:02,534 ALICE: Yes! 746 00:29:02,617 --> 00:29:04,911 It's kind of turning me on, but I really have to pee, 747 00:29:04,994 --> 00:29:06,830 so it's, like, so confusing. 748 00:29:06,913 --> 00:29:09,833 - Mansploitation, bitch! Yes! - (WHOOPING) 749 00:29:09,999 --> 00:29:11,668 Let's get to the beans, let's get to the beans. 750 00:29:11,751 --> 00:29:12,877 Yeah, just do it. 751 00:29:12,961 --> 00:29:14,754 Get it over with. Get it over with! 752 00:29:14,838 --> 00:29:17,882 - (LAUGHING) So good! - Love her. 753 00:29:17,966 --> 00:29:19,759 Make her feel special. 754 00:29:19,843 --> 00:29:20,844 (GASPS) 755 00:29:20,969 --> 00:29:22,387 ALICE: Yes! BLAIR: Get that! 756 00:29:22,470 --> 00:29:24,180 - (WHOOPING) - JESS: Oh, he's warm. 757 00:29:24,264 --> 00:29:26,224 Ooh, all right. I like it. 758 00:29:26,558 --> 00:29:27,559 - (WHOOPS) - JESS: Okay. 759 00:29:28,101 --> 00:29:29,352 I know you want it, you little slut. 760 00:29:29,644 --> 00:29:31,354 Oh, God! No! Ew. 761 00:29:31,479 --> 00:29:33,231 Gross. You sit down. 762 00:29:33,356 --> 00:29:34,858 - (CLEARS THROAT) - So aggressive. 763 00:29:35,150 --> 00:29:37,485 - FRANKIE: I'm definitely gay. - Okay, my turn! 764 00:29:37,569 --> 00:29:38,862 - (GRUNTS) - Whoa, whoa, whoa. 765 00:29:40,029 --> 00:29:41,948 - Oh! - Oh, shit! 766 00:29:42,031 --> 00:29:43,032 FRANKIE: Holy shit. 767 00:29:44,075 --> 00:29:45,743 - I'm good! - JESS: Hey. 768 00:29:45,827 --> 00:29:47,454 Are you okay? 769 00:29:47,871 --> 00:29:50,457 Oh, him? He's fine. You're okay, right, bud? 770 00:29:50,707 --> 00:29:51,916 Oh, God. 771 00:29:52,000 --> 00:29:54,502 - Oh, my God. Oh, my God. - Oh, shit! That's blood! 772 00:29:54,919 --> 00:29:56,463 ALICE: What the fuck? Oh, God. 773 00:29:56,546 --> 00:29:58,590 - Oh, my God, he's not breathing! - (GASPS) 774 00:29:58,673 --> 00:30:00,216 - JESS: Shit! - Does anybody know CPR? 775 00:30:00,300 --> 00:30:02,510 - ALICE: Oh, my God. - I'll look it up on YouTube! 776 00:30:02,594 --> 00:30:04,137 - No, no, no. - PIPPA: Oh, my God. 777 00:30:04,262 --> 00:30:05,638 We got to do something! 778 00:30:05,722 --> 00:30:08,349 Bugger! It's playing an advert for toilet tissue. 779 00:30:08,433 --> 00:30:09,517 ALICE: Jess, do something! 780 00:30:09,601 --> 00:30:10,643 - Shit. - No, no, no. 781 00:30:10,810 --> 00:30:12,020 BLAIR: Holy shit! 782 00:30:12,270 --> 00:30:14,647 Oh, please, God, please don't let this happen. 783 00:30:14,731 --> 00:30:16,733 He's bleeding out. I can't stop the blood! 784 00:30:16,816 --> 00:30:19,444 I have some Advil. I'll get it out of my bag. 785 00:30:19,527 --> 00:30:21,154 What's Advil gonna do, Alice? 786 00:30:21,237 --> 00:30:24,240 - It's extra-strength, bitch! - Somebody call an ambulance! 787 00:30:25,366 --> 00:30:27,577 - Four, five, six, seven, eight... - He doesn't have a pulse. 788 00:30:30,622 --> 00:30:31,748 Fuck. 789 00:30:32,749 --> 00:30:33,917 He's dead. 790 00:30:36,252 --> 00:30:37,921 - Oh, shit. - Oh, shit. 791 00:30:38,004 --> 00:30:40,089 I... 792 00:30:40,256 --> 00:30:43,718 I don't want anybody else 793 00:30:43,801 --> 00:30:44,928 When I think about you 794 00:30:45,011 --> 00:30:47,555 BLAIR: Turn off the fucking music! 795 00:30:48,014 --> 00:30:51,643 Oh, I don't want anybo... 796 00:30:51,726 --> 00:30:54,020 - (TURNS OFF MUSIC) - (QUIET CRYING) 797 00:30:56,439 --> 00:30:58,066 - FRANKIE: Oh, shit. - I'm so sorry. 798 00:30:58,733 --> 00:30:59,734 I didn't mean to. 799 00:30:59,859 --> 00:31:02,111 - Oh, my God. - Oh, God, I'm so sorry. 800 00:31:02,445 --> 00:31:03,530 - (GAGS) - I'm so sorry. 801 00:31:03,655 --> 00:31:05,323 - No, no, no. - Oh, God, the blood, 802 00:31:05,698 --> 00:31:07,075 (GASPS) it's going everywhere. 803 00:31:07,158 --> 00:31:08,785 Paper towels! Somebody get paper towels! 804 00:31:08,952 --> 00:31:10,203 Why don't you do something, Blair! 805 00:31:10,286 --> 00:31:11,621 I'm delegating! 806 00:31:13,164 --> 00:31:14,707 - I killed a guy. - It's okay. 807 00:31:15,208 --> 00:31:16,417 Oh, God. 808 00:31:16,501 --> 00:31:18,545 - Oh, not the bathroom towels. - Oh, shit. 809 00:31:18,628 --> 00:31:19,754 What are you talking about! 810 00:31:19,837 --> 00:31:21,130 Who cares about towels right now? 811 00:31:21,214 --> 00:31:23,049 Well, I don't know! I don't know what to do! 812 00:31:23,258 --> 00:31:25,093 I killed a guy! 813 00:31:25,468 --> 00:31:26,803 Oh, God! 814 00:31:27,178 --> 00:31:28,721 - I killed a guy today. - Okay, okay. 815 00:31:28,805 --> 00:31:30,640 - Deep breaths, deep breaths. - "What'd you do?" 816 00:31:30,723 --> 00:31:32,517 - Deep breath. - "I killed a guy." 817 00:31:32,642 --> 00:31:34,185 "What have you been up to?" 818 00:31:34,269 --> 00:31:35,728 (SNIFFS) "Death." 819 00:31:35,812 --> 00:31:37,313 (INHALES, EXHALES) 820 00:31:37,397 --> 00:31:38,982 - Keep it in there. - That's better. That's better. 821 00:31:40,024 --> 00:31:41,484 Time to call the police. Yeah? 822 00:31:41,651 --> 00:31:43,444 No, no, no, don't call the police. We're all high. 823 00:31:43,528 --> 00:31:46,114 Let's get rid of the drugs, and then we'll call the police. 824 00:31:46,197 --> 00:31:47,991 Yeah, we'll just, we'll clean up a dead stripper, cool. 825 00:31:48,366 --> 00:31:50,201 Well, technically, he's a prostitute. 826 00:31:50,660 --> 00:31:51,661 (COUGHING) 827 00:31:51,786 --> 00:31:53,955 - He's a prostitute? - No. 828 00:31:54,038 --> 00:31:55,248 I got him from Craigslist. 829 00:31:55,331 --> 00:31:57,208 He is a stripper, but then also an escort. 830 00:31:57,834 --> 00:31:59,836 You hired a gigolo? 831 00:31:59,961 --> 00:32:02,046 Don't judge sex work, Blair! 832 00:32:02,297 --> 00:32:03,923 - Oh, my God! - Frankie! 833 00:32:04,007 --> 00:32:06,759 You know I'm running for public office! How could you do this to me? 834 00:32:06,843 --> 00:32:08,595 It's worse for me. I have two strikes. 835 00:32:08,678 --> 00:32:11,222 If I get a third, I could go to jail for 25 to life. 836 00:32:11,306 --> 00:32:13,224 I'm not even supposed to be out of the state right now. 837 00:32:13,308 --> 00:32:15,476 I had to pry my ankle monitor off with a shoehorn to get here! 838 00:32:16,144 --> 00:32:17,520 Oh, God. 839 00:32:18,271 --> 00:32:19,397 It's the chair's fault. 840 00:32:19,731 --> 00:32:22,108 Fuckin' shit chair! 841 00:32:22,191 --> 00:32:25,194 Wait a minute. You guys, wait a minute! 842 00:32:25,278 --> 00:32:27,113 It was an accident. Right? 843 00:32:27,238 --> 00:32:29,490 So, like, we're not gonna get in trouble for an accident. 844 00:32:29,741 --> 00:32:31,075 FRANKIE: We're in Florida, Alice. 845 00:32:31,534 --> 00:32:33,661 A white dude is dead at the hands of a bunch of women. 846 00:32:33,745 --> 00:32:34,996 BLAIR: Yeah, white women. 847 00:32:35,079 --> 00:32:37,540 I'm black, in case any of you have forgotten. 848 00:32:37,707 --> 00:32:39,125 I think the only person who's forgotten that is you. 849 00:32:39,751 --> 00:32:41,419 How dare you. 850 00:32:41,919 --> 00:32:43,212 I rest my case. 851 00:32:43,963 --> 00:32:46,883 I knew this weekend was a terrible idea. 852 00:32:46,966 --> 00:32:48,343 What? No. 853 00:32:48,426 --> 00:32:51,554 This can still be the best weekend of our fucking lives! 854 00:32:51,638 --> 00:32:55,683 Let's just smile a little bit about it. Right? Smile more. (AWKWARD CHUCKLING) 855 00:32:55,850 --> 00:32:57,101 Okay, we're gonna be fine. 856 00:32:57,185 --> 00:32:58,895 - We're gonna call the cops, but Jess is right. - Definitely. 857 00:32:58,978 --> 00:33:00,730 We need to make this seem as innocent as possible, 858 00:33:00,855 --> 00:33:02,065 so let's get rid of all the drugs. 859 00:33:02,357 --> 00:33:03,775 I'm on it. (SNIFFS) 860 00:33:04,651 --> 00:33:06,778 - Alice, not by doing them! - (COUGHS) 861 00:33:07,278 --> 00:33:10,198 Okay, someone tell me what to do, and I will do it. 862 00:33:11,157 --> 00:33:12,742 - (SHUDDERS) Uh? - (DOORBELL RINGS) 863 00:33:12,909 --> 00:33:14,369 - (ALICE AND PIPPA GRUNT) - What the... 864 00:33:15,536 --> 00:33:17,705 - Oh. Oh. - Shit, shit, shit. 865 00:33:19,040 --> 00:33:21,042 (PIPPA PANTING HEAVILY) 866 00:33:22,043 --> 00:33:23,294 It's pizza. 867 00:33:24,128 --> 00:33:25,963 You guys, what are we gonna do? 868 00:33:26,047 --> 00:33:28,508 The house is made of glass. He can see in. 869 00:33:29,008 --> 00:33:30,593 We got to move him, you guys. 870 00:33:30,677 --> 00:33:31,803 - (KNOCKING) - Do it, do it, do it. 871 00:33:31,928 --> 00:33:34,347 - (PANICKED CHATTER) - (DOORBELL RINGS) 872 00:33:35,098 --> 00:33:36,474 JESS: Go, go, go. 873 00:33:38,601 --> 00:33:40,019 Wait, wait, wait, you guys. 874 00:33:40,103 --> 00:33:43,064 You guys, you guys, you guys, wait, wait, wait. One second. 875 00:33:43,147 --> 00:33:45,274 - (KNOCKING) - Watch the couch. 876 00:33:46,275 --> 00:33:47,276 (SQUEALS) 877 00:33:47,443 --> 00:33:48,444 (DOORBELL RINGS) 878 00:33:48,611 --> 00:33:49,904 - Shit. - Somebody answer the door. 879 00:33:50,113 --> 00:33:52,031 Does anyone have cash for a tip? 880 00:33:52,115 --> 00:33:53,366 I have Australian dollars. 881 00:33:53,449 --> 00:33:55,034 They're stronger than American dollars. 882 00:33:58,705 --> 00:34:00,039 DELIVERY MAN: Castelucci Pizza. 883 00:34:02,792 --> 00:34:04,711 - What's this? - Leave. 884 00:34:06,421 --> 00:34:07,797 - Oh, God. - Oh, fuck. 885 00:34:08,047 --> 00:34:09,048 I was natural. 886 00:34:09,632 --> 00:34:11,008 Okay, open it. 887 00:34:11,092 --> 00:34:12,760 Open it up. 888 00:34:13,428 --> 00:34:14,637 Oh, yes. 889 00:34:15,513 --> 00:34:17,140 How can you eat right now? 890 00:34:17,473 --> 00:34:20,893 Eating is the number one way people deal with stress, okay? 891 00:34:20,977 --> 00:34:22,645 Don't give me shit. 892 00:34:22,729 --> 00:34:24,021 You guys want some? 893 00:34:24,731 --> 00:34:26,941 - Oh, yeah, I'd go for a slice. One second. - I'll have a slice. Yeah. 894 00:34:27,900 --> 00:34:31,237 Okay, I think now it's time for us to call the cops, yeah? 895 00:34:31,320 --> 00:34:33,573 Wait, wait, wait. I think we should call a lawyer first, 896 00:34:33,656 --> 00:34:35,658 so we know exactly what to say during the interrogation. 897 00:34:35,867 --> 00:34:37,618 - Okay. - Wait, I'm sorry, what's going on? 898 00:34:37,910 --> 00:34:38,995 We're gonna be interrogated? 899 00:34:39,579 --> 00:34:41,831 We are 10% gonna be interrogated. 900 00:34:41,914 --> 00:34:44,041 Somebody died in a sketchy way. 901 00:34:44,125 --> 00:34:45,793 They're gonna separate us into little cells, 902 00:34:45,877 --> 00:34:47,462 you know, with swinging lights. 903 00:34:47,545 --> 00:34:50,131 The coppers are gonna try to crack us, fucking pigs! 904 00:34:50,423 --> 00:34:52,675 Okay, let's definitely call a lawyer, then. 905 00:34:53,259 --> 00:34:55,011 Oh, my God. My Uncle Jack. 906 00:34:55,428 --> 00:34:57,263 He was on the team that defended Bernie Madoff. 907 00:34:57,346 --> 00:34:59,348 - Ah, thank God. - Thank God. 908 00:34:59,849 --> 00:35:02,643 Wait. We should use a burner phone so there's no record. 909 00:35:02,894 --> 00:35:04,437 - JESS: Good idea. - That's actually a good point. 910 00:35:04,520 --> 00:35:06,355 - Shit! - ALL: What, Alice? 911 00:35:06,689 --> 00:35:07,982 The foam party! 912 00:35:08,065 --> 00:35:09,692 Should I sell our passes? 913 00:35:10,985 --> 00:35:12,028 BLAIR: Wow. 914 00:35:12,612 --> 00:35:14,781 You're right. Let's play it by ear. 915 00:35:15,031 --> 00:35:16,199 Smart, Jess. 916 00:35:17,200 --> 00:35:18,618 (RINGTONE PLAYING) 917 00:35:18,701 --> 00:35:19,702 Oh, shit! Peter! 918 00:35:20,036 --> 00:35:21,537 - Okay. - I forgot to call him when I got home. 919 00:35:21,621 --> 00:35:23,080 - Do not answer that. - I have to. 920 00:35:23,164 --> 00:35:24,290 - No! - Jess. Jess, stop. 921 00:35:24,373 --> 00:35:25,416 Hello! 922 00:35:25,541 --> 00:35:27,794 - Hey, babe. - Hi. How's it going? 923 00:35:27,877 --> 00:35:29,962 - Stop. - Are you home safe? You never called. 924 00:35:30,046 --> 00:35:31,172 - Hang up. Hang up. - Yeah, I am. 925 00:35:31,255 --> 00:35:32,340 Yeah, everything's great. 926 00:35:32,507 --> 00:35:34,425 Did you do whippets again? You sound really weird. 927 00:35:34,717 --> 00:35:36,636 - What? - Is everything all right? 928 00:35:36,803 --> 00:35:38,596 - Hang up. Hang up. Hang up. - Stop, stop, stop. 929 00:35:38,721 --> 00:35:40,515 - Peter, something really bad happened. - No. 930 00:35:40,598 --> 00:35:42,433 - What? - No, this guy came over. 931 00:35:42,517 --> 00:35:44,060 He was a stripper, like, a prostitute. 932 00:35:44,143 --> 00:35:45,186 - A prostitute? - And we were drunk, 933 00:35:45,353 --> 00:35:47,730 and coked up, and I don't know what to do. 934 00:35:47,814 --> 00:35:48,981 About what? The wedding? 935 00:35:49,273 --> 00:35:51,567 - (FRANTIC WHISPERING) - Jess, do you still want to get married? 936 00:35:51,692 --> 00:35:53,152 - You can't, you can't... - JESS: No! (GASPS) 937 00:35:53,820 --> 00:35:54,987 - Jess! - (CLICK) 938 00:35:57,240 --> 00:35:58,533 I can't believe you just did that. 939 00:35:58,616 --> 00:36:01,452 We can't talk to anybody until we consult with a lawyer. 940 00:36:01,536 --> 00:36:02,703 She's right. You know what, 941 00:36:02,787 --> 00:36:04,831 I'm collecting everyone's phones until we know what the plan is. 942 00:36:04,914 --> 00:36:06,541 - Agreed? - Mmm-hmm, mmm-hmm. 943 00:36:06,624 --> 00:36:07,834 - Yes. - Agreed. 944 00:36:07,917 --> 00:36:08,918 - Mmm-hmm. - Fine. 945 00:36:10,753 --> 00:36:13,297 - Well, I have a game on it that relaxes me. - Give it. 946 00:36:14,924 --> 00:36:15,967 Thank you. 947 00:36:16,175 --> 00:36:17,969 948 00:36:18,344 --> 00:36:20,930 Okay, so we got to get this burner phone from a convenience store. 949 00:36:21,013 --> 00:36:22,223 - Smart. - Yeah, good idea. 950 00:36:22,306 --> 00:36:23,516 Frankie and I can go. 951 00:36:23,599 --> 00:36:24,684 - Great. - ALICE: Um... 952 00:36:24,767 --> 00:36:27,478 - Or, like, anybody else could go. - BLAIR: Why? 953 00:36:27,562 --> 00:36:30,022 - Do we argue? - We bicker. Yeah, we bicker. 954 00:36:30,231 --> 00:36:32,525 - (CHUCKLES) It's true, but... - No. I think that we debate, 955 00:36:32,608 --> 00:36:34,402 which is a normal part of talking. 956 00:36:34,485 --> 00:36:36,946 That's funny. That's the same thing, debating and arguing. 957 00:36:37,029 --> 00:36:38,364 - It's semantics. - "Semantics." 958 00:36:38,447 --> 00:36:40,449 Wow, I didn't realize I was talking to a wordsmith. 959 00:36:40,533 --> 00:36:42,118 - They used to be lovers, yeah? - FRANKIE: Three syllables. 960 00:36:42,201 --> 00:36:44,120 I'm a wordsmith 'cause I read the news regularly. 961 00:36:44,203 --> 00:36:45,371 - Is it that obvious? - BLAIR: Oh, my God. 962 00:36:45,454 --> 00:36:49,375 - I'm too busy shopping, right? - I have a sort of a sense of these things. 963 00:36:49,458 --> 00:36:52,753 - (OTHERS CONTINUE ARGUING) - Also, she's been fixated on her nips. 964 00:36:52,837 --> 00:36:54,714 Just because I don't use Tom's of Maine deodorant, which, 965 00:36:54,797 --> 00:36:55,882 by the way, does not work... 966 00:36:55,965 --> 00:36:57,216 I don't use Tom's deodorant... 967 00:36:57,300 --> 00:36:59,635 - It's kind of nasty to watch, isn't it? - ...into my body. 968 00:37:00,553 --> 00:37:02,513 PETER: Yeah, so, I call. She picks up. 969 00:37:02,847 --> 00:37:04,223 - Uh-huh. - She sounds very strange. 970 00:37:04,307 --> 00:37:05,516 I know something's wrong immediately. 971 00:37:05,600 --> 00:37:07,101 And then, finally, she admits it. 972 00:37:07,184 --> 00:37:08,811 She says something really bad happened with a prostitute. 973 00:37:08,978 --> 00:37:10,980 - OTHERS: Ooh! - That does not mean she cheated. 974 00:37:11,355 --> 00:37:13,941 But if she was going to cheat, this is when she would do it. 975 00:37:14,150 --> 00:37:16,819 - Oh, God. - Miami, bachelorette party. 976 00:37:16,903 --> 00:37:18,738 - It's pretty classic. - Mmm... 977 00:37:18,863 --> 00:37:21,991 It's not cheating if it's with a prostitute. Technically. 978 00:37:22,325 --> 00:37:24,160 - TOBEY: What? - What? Yes, it is. 979 00:37:24,243 --> 00:37:26,621 Look, guys, we have to have realistic attitudes 980 00:37:26,704 --> 00:37:28,247 about sexual exclusivity. 981 00:37:28,497 --> 00:37:31,000 Whatever. It doesn't even matter, because... 982 00:37:31,083 --> 00:37:32,793 I asked her if she still wanted to get married. 983 00:37:32,877 --> 00:37:34,921 She screamed "no" and then she hung up! 984 00:37:35,004 --> 00:37:36,756 So, guess what, guys, 985 00:37:36,839 --> 00:37:39,175 there's no wedding for you to go to, so return your tuxes. 986 00:37:39,383 --> 00:37:40,676 OTHERS: No! 987 00:37:40,760 --> 00:37:42,511 - No. Hell, no. - Fine, keep your tuxes, 988 00:37:42,595 --> 00:37:43,846 but my wedding's off. 989 00:37:44,555 --> 00:37:45,806 It's not a shock, right? 990 00:37:45,890 --> 00:37:49,602 I mean, buddy, I love you, you're one of my best friends, 991 00:37:49,685 --> 00:37:52,229 but you're a six and she's a... 992 00:37:52,313 --> 00:37:54,106 (TAKES BREATH) Twenty. 993 00:37:54,190 --> 00:37:56,525 - Oh, my God. Oh, my God. - JOE: He can hear you. 994 00:37:56,609 --> 00:37:58,569 Oh, I'm feeling... I'm feeling weak. 995 00:37:58,653 --> 00:38:00,196 - I'm feeling dizzy, I'm... - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 996 00:38:00,279 --> 00:38:02,198 - Hey, hey, hey, hey. - Oh, my God. 997 00:38:02,365 --> 00:38:04,659 I knew I shouldn't date out of my league, I knew it. 998 00:38:04,742 --> 00:38:07,078 When she first asked me out, I thought it was a prank. 999 00:38:07,161 --> 00:38:10,081 I could feel her pulling away, but I thought it was work. 1000 00:38:10,164 --> 00:38:11,540 - (BELCHES) I'm gonna be sick. - No, no, no. 1001 00:38:11,832 --> 00:38:13,250 - Give him some Madeira. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. 1002 00:38:13,334 --> 00:38:15,419 - Yeah. - Peter, that's it. Just take a sip. 1003 00:38:15,503 --> 00:38:17,463 - Chug-a-lug. Bup-bup-bup-bup. - Oh, I'll get you a soft cheese! 1004 00:38:17,546 --> 00:38:18,547 Yes! 1005 00:38:20,049 --> 00:38:21,467 FRANKIE: This is so stupid. 1006 00:38:21,550 --> 00:38:25,221 Yeah, but this way no one can definitively ID our face. 1007 00:38:25,596 --> 00:38:27,264 FRANKIE: Old people. Perfect. 1008 00:38:28,891 --> 00:38:31,060 Any brand is fine. 1009 00:38:31,185 --> 00:38:32,520 What's that on your face? 1010 00:38:32,770 --> 00:38:33,980 A detoxifying mud mask. 1011 00:38:34,063 --> 00:38:36,148 Look, we need a burner phone, okay? 1012 00:38:36,232 --> 00:38:40,152 - Here's some cash. - Again, a burner phone, 1013 00:38:40,236 --> 00:38:42,905 and you can find that behind the counter. 1014 00:38:43,030 --> 00:38:44,740 - MAN: Okay. We heard you. - Inside. 1015 00:38:44,824 --> 00:38:48,035 You baby boomers are so demanding. 1016 00:38:48,119 --> 00:38:49,412 WOMAN: I know. 1017 00:38:49,495 --> 00:38:51,747 - Jesus. Come on, Ma. - I'm sick and tired of this shit. 1018 00:38:53,958 --> 00:38:55,209 ALICE: I can't believe he's dead. 1019 00:38:56,669 --> 00:38:59,755 - And it's, like, all my fault. - No, no. 1020 00:39:00,339 --> 00:39:02,717 It really is a tragedy, you know? 1021 00:39:04,844 --> 00:39:08,347 He could have been a scientist that was gonna cure cancer or something. 1022 00:39:09,432 --> 00:39:11,934 - It's nice of you to say. - Yeah. 1023 00:39:13,394 --> 00:39:15,604 Guys, is he looking, like, straight at me? 1024 00:39:18,024 --> 00:39:19,525 - Oh, my God, he's... - Yeah. Yeah. 1025 00:39:19,608 --> 00:39:21,569 He's looking at me, right? (CRIES SOFTLY) 1026 00:39:21,652 --> 00:39:22,862 PIPPA: Mmm-hmm. 1027 00:39:25,781 --> 00:39:27,199 Hi, baby boy. 1028 00:39:28,034 --> 00:39:29,702 Mummy Hubbard's here. 1029 00:39:30,077 --> 00:39:31,871 She's gonna send you home. 1030 00:39:33,706 --> 00:39:35,207 Okay. 1031 00:39:35,291 --> 00:39:36,625 Sleep now. 1032 00:39:37,543 --> 00:39:39,920 - Oh, no. Jesus, no. No, no, no. - (JESS GAGS) 1033 00:39:40,046 --> 00:39:41,672 - Okay, why don't we... - I don't like it, I don't like it, 1034 00:39:41,797 --> 00:39:42,882 - I don't like it. - Guys, I got it. 1035 00:39:43,257 --> 00:39:44,884 - I got it. - JESS: I'm done. 1036 00:39:44,967 --> 00:39:46,677 - I'm done. - ALICE: There we go. 1037 00:39:47,136 --> 00:39:48,471 He looks good, right? 1038 00:39:49,305 --> 00:39:51,182 ALL: Totally. 1039 00:39:56,812 --> 00:39:58,981 - PIPPA: Oh, my God, Jess. (LAUGHS) - What? 1040 00:39:59,106 --> 00:40:00,524 Look at this ring. 1041 00:40:00,649 --> 00:40:02,943 It's even bigger in real life than it is on Skype. 1042 00:40:03,027 --> 00:40:04,653 - Yeah, he did a good job. - Oh. 1043 00:40:05,321 --> 00:40:06,363 You guys Skype? 1044 00:40:06,655 --> 00:40:08,324 - Yes. - Oh, do we? 1045 00:40:08,741 --> 00:40:09,825 Yes. 1046 00:40:10,284 --> 00:40:14,371 It's really nice to just sort of, you know, see the person 1047 00:40:14,580 --> 00:40:16,499 when you're talking to them. 1048 00:40:16,874 --> 00:40:18,459 - I didn't know that. - Yes. 1049 00:40:18,542 --> 00:40:19,877 You don't know Skype? 1050 00:40:19,960 --> 00:40:22,046 Skype is a free video calling app. 1051 00:40:22,171 --> 00:40:23,589 - You should... - No, I know what Skype is. 1052 00:40:23,672 --> 00:40:25,883 Jess, you said you couldn't remember your password. 1053 00:40:27,176 --> 00:40:29,178 Well, it is really hard to sign in. 1054 00:40:29,845 --> 00:40:31,889 (BARKING) 1055 00:40:32,389 --> 00:40:33,432 - Oh, shit! - Shit! 1056 00:40:33,557 --> 00:40:35,476 - Whose dog is that? - Go away! Go away! 1057 00:40:35,684 --> 00:40:37,186 - Go! Go, go. - MAN: Charlie? Here, boy! 1058 00:40:37,353 --> 00:40:39,522 - The owner is coming towards the house. - Oh, God. 1059 00:40:39,605 --> 00:40:41,524 No, no, no. You're being too loud. 1060 00:40:41,941 --> 00:40:43,943 I can speak to animals, we have a deep understanding, 1061 00:40:44,026 --> 00:40:45,069 - so I got this. - MAN: Charlie? 1062 00:40:45,194 --> 00:40:46,695 ALICE: Just go! JESS: Okay, be careful, though. 1063 00:40:46,779 --> 00:40:48,030 PIPPA: Okay. MAN: Here, boy! 1064 00:40:48,114 --> 00:40:50,324 Okay, Charlie. Come on. 1065 00:40:50,407 --> 00:40:52,493 - Come on, come on. - (VICIOUS GROWLING, LOUD CHOMP) 1066 00:40:52,576 --> 00:40:54,203 PIPPA: Aah! Ow! Aah! BOTH: Oh, shit! 1067 00:40:54,495 --> 00:40:56,038 - Ow. Ow. - (GROWLING) 1068 00:40:56,122 --> 00:40:57,540 - MAN: Charlie! - You stay. I'm bringing him to you. 1069 00:40:57,623 --> 00:40:59,667 This is impossible, anybody can see into the house from the beach. 1070 00:40:59,750 --> 00:41:01,168 - This is crazy. - I know. 1071 00:41:01,252 --> 00:41:03,212 If someone reports it before we do, we're dead. 1072 00:41:03,546 --> 00:41:06,048 Well, we just... We have to get the body out of sight, that's all. 1073 00:41:06,132 --> 00:41:07,800 - Yeah, okay. - All right. 1074 00:41:07,883 --> 00:41:08,968 - Okay. - ALICE: You all right? 1075 00:41:09,051 --> 00:41:10,094 - You all right? - Good. 1076 00:41:10,469 --> 00:41:13,013 Oh, my God, Pip, I can see all of his teeth marks. 1077 00:41:13,097 --> 00:41:14,640 That looks really bad. 1078 00:41:14,723 --> 00:41:16,475 No, no, no. This is... 1079 00:41:16,559 --> 00:41:17,977 That's not... I'm good. 1080 00:41:18,060 --> 00:41:19,770 Yeah, she's fine. Look at her in the eyes. 1081 00:41:19,979 --> 00:41:22,398 Okay? So let's just get the body out of sight, 1082 00:41:22,481 --> 00:41:24,775 and then we'll put him back before we call the cops. Yeah? 1083 00:41:24,859 --> 00:41:26,026 - Let's do it. Right? - Yes. 1084 00:41:26,110 --> 00:41:27,945 - Let's go! Okay! - Let's do it. 1085 00:41:28,362 --> 00:41:29,864 PIPPA: Hold the door. Hang on one sec. 1086 00:41:29,947 --> 00:41:31,657 ALICE: Got it. JESS: There's two steps here. Hold on. 1087 00:41:31,740 --> 00:41:33,033 - Yeah, we got it. Ow. - ALICE: Oh, there's two steps. 1088 00:41:33,117 --> 00:41:34,118 (LOUD CRASH) 1089 00:41:34,243 --> 00:41:35,661 PIPPA: Put him down. ALICE: That was me. 1090 00:41:35,744 --> 00:41:37,246 JESS: Can somebody turn the lights on? 1091 00:41:37,329 --> 00:41:39,123 - PIPPA: I'll get it. - Oh, there we go. 1092 00:41:39,206 --> 00:41:40,332 - That's better. - Oh, God! 1093 00:41:40,416 --> 00:41:42,459 Shit! Alice, cover the body! 1094 00:41:42,543 --> 00:41:43,878 Why? Why? Why? 1095 00:41:43,961 --> 00:41:45,462 JESS: Pippa, what did you do? 1096 00:41:46,046 --> 00:41:48,340 This is a poltergeist situation. 1097 00:41:48,424 --> 00:41:49,842 I'm not doing anything. 1098 00:41:49,925 --> 00:41:51,468 - All right. - There's got to be a fuse box. 1099 00:41:53,220 --> 00:41:55,556 - Oh, God. There is a taxi. - PIPPA: Oh, no, no. 1100 00:41:55,639 --> 00:41:57,016 There is a taxi right here. 1101 00:41:57,266 --> 00:41:59,560 No! No, no, no. 1102 00:42:00,144 --> 00:42:01,228 No, thank you. 1103 00:42:01,478 --> 00:42:02,813 - Cover the body. - Hide me. Hide me. 1104 00:42:03,147 --> 00:42:04,481 - Balls! - Jesus Christ. 1105 00:42:04,607 --> 00:42:06,442 Find a quilt. Find a fucking quilt. 1106 00:42:06,775 --> 00:42:08,652 - DRIVER: What the... - Jesus! 1107 00:42:08,777 --> 00:42:11,697 - Oh, no. My water broke! My water broke! - What? 1108 00:42:11,780 --> 00:42:12,948 No, no, I just peed. 1109 00:42:13,240 --> 00:42:15,034 - PIPPA: I have no control over this. - Pippa. 1110 00:42:15,701 --> 00:42:17,536 Close, you fuck. 1111 00:42:18,120 --> 00:42:20,247 - Here you go, sir. Thank you. - Thought I peed. I didn't pee. 1112 00:42:20,331 --> 00:42:22,124 - Thank you very much for the ride. - Thank you. 1113 00:42:22,208 --> 00:42:24,877 - Safe home! - What the fuck is going on in here? 1114 00:42:24,960 --> 00:42:26,962 We're starting a garage band. Do you guys play bass? 1115 00:42:27,046 --> 00:42:28,923 We're hiding a body. What do you think we're doing? 1116 00:42:29,048 --> 00:42:30,925 BLAIR: Stop saying "body" so many times. 1117 00:42:31,008 --> 00:42:32,384 - Alice, what the hell are you doing, man? - Sorry. 1118 00:42:32,468 --> 00:42:33,844 - Come on. - FRANKIE: God! 1119 00:42:33,928 --> 00:42:35,721 Lift him up with your legs. Lift with your legs. 1120 00:42:36,347 --> 00:42:38,265 JESS: I swear to God, he's getting heavier every time. 1121 00:42:38,349 --> 00:42:39,475 Just hold one second. 1122 00:42:39,558 --> 00:42:40,893 - There's two stairs up here. - No! 1123 00:42:40,976 --> 00:42:42,853 - I got it. - Let's take a break. Let's take a break. 1124 00:42:42,937 --> 00:42:43,979 Break, break, break. 1125 00:42:44,104 --> 00:42:45,356 - ALICE: No, no, no. - Okay. 1126 00:42:45,481 --> 00:42:47,107 - Okay. - BLAIR: I am out of shape. 1127 00:42:47,191 --> 00:42:49,485 - PIPPA: Really good. - Quick question. 1128 00:42:50,069 --> 00:42:51,487 Why are we moving the dead stripper? 1129 00:42:52,154 --> 00:42:54,240 The whole house is made out of glass. 1130 00:42:54,323 --> 00:42:57,117 This is impossible. You can see in everywhere. 1131 00:42:57,618 --> 00:42:59,870 Where could we put him that he's not gonna be seen? 1132 00:43:03,832 --> 00:43:07,044 (SQUEAKING, CREAKING) 1133 00:43:12,049 --> 00:43:13,592 BLAIR: (ON PHONE) So, what do you think, Uncle Jack? 1134 00:43:13,676 --> 00:43:16,428 They could charge you with involuntary manslaughter, 1135 00:43:16,512 --> 00:43:17,888 but it's not that easy to prove. 1136 00:43:18,013 --> 00:43:19,640 - Ah, thank God. - Well, that's not bad. 1137 00:43:19,723 --> 00:43:21,308 - That's okay. - JACK: Just don't touch the body 1138 00:43:21,392 --> 00:43:23,936 - or the scene, and you'll be fine. - What? 1139 00:43:24,019 --> 00:43:26,146 Okay, so actually, we have already moved him 1140 00:43:26,230 --> 00:43:27,439 to a sex swing, Your Honor. 1141 00:43:27,773 --> 00:43:28,816 What? 1142 00:43:28,899 --> 00:43:32,778 I said, "Actually, we have already moved him to a sex swing, Your Honor." 1143 00:43:32,861 --> 00:43:33,988 I heard you. 1144 00:43:35,197 --> 00:43:37,116 You knowingly tampered with the scene, 1145 00:43:37,199 --> 00:43:39,451 which means you're guilty of accessory after the fact, 1146 00:43:39,535 --> 00:43:43,872 and they'll have a strong case for involuntary manslaughter. 1147 00:43:43,998 --> 00:43:45,624 Wait, what does that mean? 1148 00:43:45,708 --> 00:43:47,668 Up to 15 years in prison. 1149 00:43:47,793 --> 00:43:50,170 - What? - Fifteen? 1150 00:43:50,254 --> 00:43:52,965 - ALICE: Well, what can we do? - Are we on an open line here, girls? 1151 00:43:53,048 --> 00:43:54,883 - It's a burner phone. - Good. 1152 00:43:55,050 --> 00:43:56,719 Like I told Rob Lowe, 1153 00:43:57,219 --> 00:44:00,889 if there's no body, there's no case. 1154 00:44:04,310 --> 00:44:06,145 We can't just chop him up. 1155 00:44:06,812 --> 00:44:09,815 You know what? I'll just tell the cops it was just me. 1156 00:44:10,232 --> 00:44:12,276 No, we all moved the body. 1157 00:44:13,068 --> 00:44:14,320 It's a crime. 1158 00:44:14,403 --> 00:44:17,656 Well, yeah, but if we just, like, explain the situation... 1159 00:44:17,740 --> 00:44:19,700 FRANKIE: What are you talking about, "Explain"? 1160 00:44:19,783 --> 00:44:22,453 Last year, a guy in Tampa, he threatened to kill his wife, 1161 00:44:22,536 --> 00:44:23,871 so she fired a warning shot, 1162 00:44:23,954 --> 00:44:26,081 and she went to jail for 20 years. 1163 00:44:26,707 --> 00:44:29,418 This country should be burned to the ground! 1164 00:44:31,587 --> 00:44:33,047 Shit. 1165 00:44:34,548 --> 00:44:36,592 I was so close. Peter. 1166 00:44:37,301 --> 00:44:38,761 My career. 1167 00:44:38,886 --> 00:44:40,429 It's all over, just like that. 1168 00:44:41,597 --> 00:44:43,515 I'm gonna do real time. 1169 00:44:43,891 --> 00:44:44,933 Maybe life. 1170 00:44:45,017 --> 00:44:46,477 You guys are gonna get off with a few years. 1171 00:44:46,560 --> 00:44:49,438 I can't do any years. I'm in the middle of a custody battle. 1172 00:44:49,772 --> 00:44:50,731 - What? - What? 1173 00:44:50,814 --> 00:44:51,857 What? 1174 00:44:54,318 --> 00:44:56,153 Malcolm and I separated six months ago. 1175 00:44:57,112 --> 00:44:58,364 You didn't tell me. 1176 00:44:59,156 --> 00:45:01,075 Yeah, you've been a little preoccupied, Jess. 1177 00:45:02,159 --> 00:45:03,702 Why didn't you tell me? 1178 00:45:04,536 --> 00:45:06,163 I didn't need your judgment. 1179 00:45:06,455 --> 00:45:08,707 Blair, I would never judge you for something like that. 1180 00:45:10,501 --> 00:45:13,420 Oh, my God, my students. 1181 00:45:13,504 --> 00:45:15,297 They idolize me. 1182 00:45:15,381 --> 00:45:18,550 They think I'm, like, the best fucking adult 1183 00:45:18,634 --> 00:45:21,053 in the whole fucking world. 1184 00:45:21,136 --> 00:45:22,554 They'll turn to crime. 1185 00:45:23,138 --> 00:45:24,807 I can't go to jail. 1186 00:45:24,932 --> 00:45:26,767 I couldn't even make it through the first episode 1187 00:45:26,850 --> 00:45:28,143 of Orange Is the New Black. 1188 00:45:28,727 --> 00:45:29,978 (CRYING) None of us can. 1189 00:45:30,145 --> 00:45:32,231 (SNIFFLES) It's too soapy, right? 1190 00:45:32,606 --> 00:45:35,234 No, I meant none of us can go to jail. (SNIFFLES) 1191 00:45:35,317 --> 00:45:36,485 PIPPA: Wait, you guys. 1192 00:45:36,777 --> 00:45:39,780 Even if we don't get charged with this tampering with evidence thing, 1193 00:45:39,863 --> 00:45:41,407 we don't know who this man is. 1194 00:45:41,490 --> 00:45:43,242 His family could come seek revenge. 1195 00:45:43,325 --> 00:45:46,120 He could be part of a cartel that's gonna cut off our toes 1196 00:45:46,203 --> 00:45:47,246 and stick them up our bums. 1197 00:45:47,329 --> 00:45:48,330 BLAIR: She's right. 1198 00:45:48,497 --> 00:45:50,874 We'll have to look over our shoulders for the rest of our lives. 1199 00:45:52,251 --> 00:45:54,002 He did say that 1200 00:45:55,337 --> 00:45:57,756 it would be hard to convict 1201 00:45:58,674 --> 00:46:00,843 with no body. 1202 00:46:01,510 --> 00:46:04,388 I mean, it was an accident. 1203 00:46:04,638 --> 00:46:06,640 And he's not part of an escort company, you know? 1204 00:46:06,723 --> 00:46:08,517 So I don't think anybody knows he's here. 1205 00:46:09,309 --> 00:46:10,894 Mmm-hmm. 1206 00:46:15,357 --> 00:46:16,692 We got to get rid of him. 1207 00:46:16,859 --> 00:46:17,985 - We gotta, right? - Yeah. 1208 00:46:18,068 --> 00:46:19,194 - We do. - We have to. 1209 00:46:19,278 --> 00:46:21,447 - I mean, we don't want to. - No, of course we don't want to. 1210 00:46:21,572 --> 00:46:22,739 We didn't want to kill him. 1211 00:46:22,823 --> 00:46:24,116 - We have no other option. - But we have to. 1212 00:46:24,199 --> 00:46:25,451 - Of course we have to. - Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 1213 00:46:25,534 --> 00:46:26,535 Must. 1214 00:46:27,077 --> 00:46:28,662 (LINE RINGING) 1215 00:46:28,745 --> 00:46:30,706 ON VOICE MAIL: Hey, it's Blair. Don't leave a message. 1216 00:46:30,998 --> 00:46:33,625 Okay. That's it. None of them are picking up. 1217 00:46:33,709 --> 00:46:35,169 That means something really bad happened. 1218 00:46:35,252 --> 00:46:39,006 Dude, this is, like, the third girlfriend that's cheated on you. 1219 00:46:39,423 --> 00:46:41,467 What is that? What's going on, buddy? 1220 00:46:41,550 --> 00:46:43,635 Does your dick bend weird when it gets hard? 1221 00:46:43,719 --> 00:46:44,761 No. 1222 00:46:44,887 --> 00:46:46,388 - All right. - JAKE: Doesn't matter. 1223 00:46:46,722 --> 00:46:49,725 Let's get you on Tinder right now, so you can start on a rebound. 1224 00:46:49,892 --> 00:46:52,561 - No, I don't want to be on Tinder, okay? - PATRICK: Come on. 1225 00:46:52,644 --> 00:46:55,189 You've gotten over other girls, you can get over her. 1226 00:46:55,272 --> 00:46:59,193 Yeah, this isn't some girl, this is Jess. I'm not gonna get over her, you know? 1227 00:46:59,276 --> 00:47:00,486 And I don't want to get over her. 1228 00:47:00,652 --> 00:47:02,404 Then, this time, do something about it, Peter. 1229 00:47:02,571 --> 00:47:03,572 (TOBEY SCOFFS) 1230 00:47:07,075 --> 00:47:08,285 You're right. 1231 00:47:08,785 --> 00:47:10,996 You're right, I got to go to Miami, and I got to win her back. 1232 00:47:11,079 --> 00:47:13,499 - Yes, dude. Yes. Awesome. - Okay, okay. 1233 00:47:13,582 --> 00:47:17,461 The first flight out of Charleston gets in at 1:0 a.m. tomorrow morning. 1234 00:47:17,544 --> 00:47:18,670 TOBEY: No. JOE: Oh. There is a train 1235 00:47:18,754 --> 00:47:22,174 that gets there tomorrow afternoon and there's room in the quiet car. 1236 00:47:22,591 --> 00:47:24,426 Not quick enough. You got to sad astronaut. 1237 00:47:25,969 --> 00:47:27,095 - What? - Huh? 1238 00:47:27,679 --> 00:47:29,139 He has to sad astronaut. 1239 00:47:29,473 --> 00:47:30,724 - Okay, what is that? - JAKE: That's nothing to me. 1240 00:47:30,807 --> 00:47:32,684 - Sad astronaut? - TOBEY: That news story? 1241 00:47:32,768 --> 00:47:34,937 Okay. (EXHALES) 1242 00:47:35,854 --> 00:47:37,606 Lisa Marie Nowak was an astronaut. 1243 00:47:39,691 --> 00:47:42,110 And she was in love with another astronaut named Will. 1244 00:47:42,736 --> 00:47:45,739 Now, Will cheated on Lisa with some hottie Air Force captain. 1245 00:47:45,864 --> 00:47:48,951 Lisa found out and was pissed. 1246 00:47:49,326 --> 00:47:51,787 So, Lisa decided to deal with it. 1247 00:47:53,038 --> 00:47:55,541 Once and for all. And she got a bunch of adult diapers, 1248 00:47:55,874 --> 00:47:57,209 so she wouldn't have to piss on the way, 1249 00:47:57,584 --> 00:47:59,753 and she drove straight from Houston to Orlando 1250 00:47:59,962 --> 00:48:04,132 to, like, kidnap the Air Force... It's... The story gets dark quick. 1251 00:48:04,550 --> 00:48:08,428 Point is, she used that crazy astrophysicist brain 1252 00:48:09,012 --> 00:48:10,556 to find the quickest way to Florida. 1253 00:48:11,473 --> 00:48:14,268 - You... You want to get Jess back, right? - Yeah. 1254 00:48:14,977 --> 00:48:17,771 Then you got to sad astronaut, bro. 1255 00:48:19,356 --> 00:48:21,149 Let's get some diapers. 1256 00:48:21,233 --> 00:48:22,651 MAN: (RAPPING) La-da-da-da-dah 1257 00:48:22,734 --> 00:48:24,736 It's the motherfuckin' D-O-double-G 1258 00:48:24,820 --> 00:48:26,321 Snoop Dogg! 1259 00:48:26,405 --> 00:48:28,699 La-da-da-da-dah, you know I'm mobbin' 1260 00:48:28,824 --> 00:48:30,409 With the D-R-E 1261 00:48:30,492 --> 00:48:32,452 Yeah, yeah, yeah, you know who's back 1262 00:48:32,536 --> 00:48:34,663 Up in this motherfucker? 1263 00:48:34,746 --> 00:48:36,540 What, what, what, what... 1264 00:48:36,623 --> 00:48:38,875 Not this brand! These leak! 1265 00:48:39,042 --> 00:48:41,253 1266 00:48:49,052 --> 00:48:50,470 La-da-da-da-dah 1267 00:48:50,554 --> 00:48:52,514 It's the motherfuckin' D-R-E 1268 00:48:52,598 --> 00:48:54,099 - Dr. Dre, motherfucker - What, what, what, what 1269 00:48:54,182 --> 00:48:55,434 La-da-da-da-dah 1270 00:48:55,517 --> 00:48:57,936 You know I'm mobbin' with the D-O-double-G 1271 00:48:58,020 --> 00:49:00,314 Straight off the fuckin' streets of C-P-T 1272 00:49:00,397 --> 00:49:02,190 King of the beats, you ride to 'em 1273 00:49:02,274 --> 00:49:03,567 - In your Fleet - Fleetwood 1274 00:49:03,650 --> 00:49:05,777 Or Coupe de Ville rollin' on dubs 1275 00:49:05,861 --> 00:49:08,113 How you feel? Whoopty-whoop, nigga, what? 1276 00:49:08,196 --> 00:49:09,531 It's the next episode 1277 00:49:09,615 --> 00:49:10,866 (OTHERS GRUNTING) 1278 00:49:10,949 --> 00:49:13,577 JESS: Jesus Christ. ALICE: It's not that bad. 1279 00:49:13,785 --> 00:49:16,330 - I think it's the body on top. - (OTHERS GRUNTING) 1280 00:49:16,496 --> 00:49:18,290 - Okay, okay, okay, okay. - Okay. 1281 00:49:19,041 --> 00:49:21,793 Okay, wait, does anyone know how to actually drive this thing, or... 1282 00:49:21,877 --> 00:49:22,878 PIPPA: I could do it. 1283 00:49:23,045 --> 00:49:28,216 I, uh, I took one to school every day growing up, so, I feel pretty confident. 1284 00:49:28,300 --> 00:49:29,426 - Great. - Perfect. 1285 00:49:30,552 --> 00:49:31,678 LEA: Hello! JESS: Oh, shit. 1286 00:49:32,220 --> 00:49:34,681 - Hello! - FRANKIE: Oh, my gosh. Shit! 1287 00:49:34,765 --> 00:49:36,058 - The neighbors! - Get him off. Get him off. 1288 00:49:36,141 --> 00:49:37,476 Okay, oh, my God, oh, my God, what do we do? 1289 00:49:37,559 --> 00:49:39,353 - No, no... Okay. All right. - JESS: No, no! 1290 00:49:39,728 --> 00:49:41,271 (LAUGHING) 1291 00:49:42,814 --> 00:49:44,274 - So happy to see you. - Okay, uh... 1292 00:49:44,441 --> 00:49:46,360 - Nope. - Dang. 1293 00:49:46,985 --> 00:49:48,820 We hoped you were skinny-dipping. 1294 00:49:49,404 --> 00:49:50,530 - No. (LAUGHING) - No. 1295 00:49:50,614 --> 00:49:51,657 - Nope. - Okay. 1296 00:49:51,865 --> 00:49:54,743 - My, my. - What do we have here? 1297 00:49:55,410 --> 00:49:56,662 FRANKIE: Oh. 1298 00:49:56,745 --> 00:49:58,330 WOMEN: Oh. BLAIR: Oh, wow. 1299 00:49:58,413 --> 00:50:02,709 Um, you know, I think they just wanted to make love in international waters. 1300 00:50:02,959 --> 00:50:05,253 - PIETRO: Ah, yeah. - Maybe they need our help. 1301 00:50:05,837 --> 00:50:09,549 Uh, no. I think we should probably let them do their thing, you know? 1302 00:50:09,800 --> 00:50:11,218 So, let's just... 1303 00:50:11,635 --> 00:50:13,720 Well, this certainly gets me in the mood. 1304 00:50:14,388 --> 00:50:15,806 - JESS: Hey, Blair. - Oh. Uh-huh? 1305 00:50:15,889 --> 00:50:19,142 - You need a tampon? - Um, maybe. (LAUGHS) 1306 00:50:19,226 --> 00:50:21,520 We just opened a bottle of Chateauneuf Du Pape, 1307 00:50:21,603 --> 00:50:24,231 and we're listening to some remastered Fleetwood Mac. 1308 00:50:24,356 --> 00:50:26,942 - Oh, that's so nice. - Oh! It is so good, 1309 00:50:27,025 --> 00:50:29,361 you could hear the cocaine in Stevie's voice. 1310 00:50:29,444 --> 00:50:30,737 - I bet. - We'd love for you to join us. 1311 00:50:30,821 --> 00:50:32,739 - Oh, that's so sweet. - Um, no pressure. 1312 00:50:32,823 --> 00:50:35,075 Unless it's asked for. 1313 00:50:35,325 --> 00:50:37,327 (LAUGHS) Okay. 1314 00:50:37,869 --> 00:50:39,371 I am fully exhausted. 1315 00:50:39,454 --> 00:50:41,581 - So tired, you know? - Oh, understood. 1316 00:50:41,665 --> 00:50:43,333 We're fluent in body language. 1317 00:50:43,417 --> 00:50:44,918 Oh, I bet you are. 1318 00:50:45,127 --> 00:50:47,295 (SPEAKING SPANISH) 1319 00:50:47,671 --> 00:50:49,089 - Goodnight. - Goodnight. 1320 00:50:49,297 --> 00:50:51,133 ALICE: All right. 1321 00:50:51,466 --> 00:50:53,510 - (BLAIR LAUGHS) - (THUDS) 1322 00:50:53,802 --> 00:50:54,845 - Oh, God. - Oh, my God. 1323 00:50:54,928 --> 00:50:56,680 - Pippa. They're gone. Pippa. - They're moving out. 1324 00:50:56,763 --> 00:50:58,348 - What is going on there? - Pippa! 1325 00:50:58,432 --> 00:50:59,641 - Pippa! - What? 1326 00:50:59,850 --> 00:51:01,351 Oh, my God. Wow. 1327 00:51:01,435 --> 00:51:02,811 Yeah. Okay. 1328 00:51:02,978 --> 00:51:03,979 (EXHALES) 1329 00:51:05,230 --> 00:51:06,565 - Sorry. - ALICE: Wow, dude. 1330 00:51:06,690 --> 00:51:08,358 - Let's dump him, yeah? - ALICE: Yeah, let's dump him. 1331 00:51:08,442 --> 00:51:09,651 PIPPA: Let's do the dump. 1332 00:51:11,862 --> 00:51:13,947 (QUIET GRUNTING) 1333 00:51:15,574 --> 00:51:18,034 - Oof. - Okay, Spanish language CDs. 1334 00:51:18,160 --> 00:51:19,786 Uh, if Jess hooked up with a Spanish speaker, 1335 00:51:19,870 --> 00:51:21,538 - you're gonna want to reason with him. - Gracias. 1336 00:51:22,205 --> 00:51:24,082 Oh, um, and I got this generic Russian Adderall. 1337 00:51:24,166 --> 00:51:25,584 My little brother ordered it online. 1338 00:51:25,667 --> 00:51:26,877 It will help you focus. 1339 00:51:26,960 --> 00:51:29,963 It's super strong, but it is expired, so... 1340 00:51:30,213 --> 00:51:31,465 - Thank you so much. - Hey. 1341 00:51:31,548 --> 00:51:32,966 - I love you. - I love you, too, dude. 1342 00:51:33,049 --> 00:51:35,302 - Get her back. - Thanks. 1343 00:51:36,011 --> 00:51:38,096 - Mmm... - (LIQUID SPLATTERING) 1344 00:51:38,305 --> 00:51:39,556 You are peeing. 1345 00:51:39,639 --> 00:51:41,141 I'm so scared. 1346 00:51:42,851 --> 00:51:45,562 I feel like we should say something. 1347 00:51:45,854 --> 00:51:46,980 FRANKIE: Yeah. BLAIR: Yeah. Good idea. 1348 00:51:48,523 --> 00:51:50,233 We're really sorry. 1349 00:51:50,734 --> 00:51:51,902 You deserved better. 1350 00:51:51,985 --> 00:51:53,069 BLAIR: Mmm. FRANKIE AND ALICE: Yeah. 1351 00:51:53,320 --> 00:51:56,031 There's nothing we could do to bring you back, but... 1352 00:51:56,364 --> 00:51:59,826 We promise to spend the rest of our lives trying to be better people. 1353 00:52:01,661 --> 00:52:04,206 - We owe that to you. - ALICE: Mmm-hmm. 1354 00:52:05,290 --> 00:52:06,583 God, we're so sorry. 1355 00:52:07,292 --> 00:52:08,335 So sorry. 1356 00:52:08,710 --> 00:52:09,878 So sorry, man. 1357 00:52:10,420 --> 00:52:11,671 We suck. 1358 00:52:12,047 --> 00:52:14,758 (SIGHING, SNIFFLING) 1359 00:52:15,550 --> 00:52:17,302 Okay, you can dump him now! 1360 00:52:17,677 --> 00:52:19,304 Aye aye, Captain. 1361 00:52:19,888 --> 00:52:22,265 (STARTS ENGINE) 1362 00:52:24,017 --> 00:52:26,102 This never happened. Right? 1363 00:52:26,853 --> 00:52:28,814 - Nope. - It... It happened. 1364 00:52:29,105 --> 00:52:30,273 Right? 1365 00:52:30,899 --> 00:52:32,776 - No, we're not gonna talk about it. - Oh, got it, got it. 1366 00:52:34,820 --> 00:52:36,613 Okay, bye. (GRUNTS) 1367 00:52:36,696 --> 00:52:37,864 BLAIR: Oh. JESS: Whoa. 1368 00:52:37,948 --> 00:52:40,158 That could have been more delicate, huh? 1369 00:52:40,367 --> 00:52:42,619 (ENGINE ROARING) 1370 00:52:43,745 --> 00:52:44,996 She's going really fast. 1371 00:52:45,622 --> 00:52:46,748 I did it! 1372 00:52:46,832 --> 00:52:49,584 - Oh, my God, what the fuck is she doing? - What is she doing? 1373 00:52:50,502 --> 00:52:52,712 - (YELLS) - BLAIR: Holy shit! 1374 00:52:53,380 --> 00:52:55,632 ALICE: Oh, my God! JESS: Are you okay? 1375 00:52:56,424 --> 00:52:58,260 - I'm good. I'm really good. - (NECK CRACKS) 1376 00:52:59,010 --> 00:53:01,680 Are you sure, 'cause you landed right on your neck. 1377 00:53:01,888 --> 00:53:04,891 Yeah, I just did a sort of straight shot, landed on the neck... 1378 00:53:04,975 --> 00:53:06,726 - (CRACK) - ...snap, and we're back up. 1379 00:53:07,143 --> 00:53:08,270 - It was good. - What happened? 1380 00:53:08,353 --> 00:53:09,771 I thought you knew how to drive those things. 1381 00:53:09,855 --> 00:53:13,567 Yeah, no, I definitely do, but, um, I think the gas and the brake are different 1382 00:53:13,650 --> 00:53:15,277 - in Australia, so I got confused. - (CRACK) 1383 00:53:15,443 --> 00:53:18,363 - How are you alive right now? - I don't know. 1384 00:53:18,488 --> 00:53:20,115 But I'll take it. 1385 00:53:20,699 --> 00:53:21,992 (LAUGHING) 1386 00:53:22,534 --> 00:53:24,911 Well, body dumped, girl's alive. 1387 00:53:25,829 --> 00:53:27,914 - What's next? - We should get the fuck out of here. 1388 00:53:27,998 --> 00:53:29,583 - Great idea. - Yeah, I like that. 1389 00:53:30,125 --> 00:53:32,335 JESS: Let's do that. BLAIR: You sure you're okay? 1390 00:53:36,756 --> 00:53:37,757 Guys? 1391 00:53:38,174 --> 00:53:40,051 She should probably get a CAT scan. 1392 00:53:40,135 --> 00:53:41,261 PIPPA: Okay. 1393 00:53:43,013 --> 00:53:44,097 She's fine. 1394 00:53:44,806 --> 00:53:46,975 - (WOMEN GRUNTING) - (WHEELS SQUEAKING) 1395 00:53:47,392 --> 00:53:50,061 - Is there any more pizza left? - I don't think so. 1396 00:53:50,145 --> 00:53:51,146 No! 1397 00:53:51,479 --> 00:53:52,731 Jesus, dude, we can order more. 1398 00:53:52,814 --> 00:53:54,441 No, not that. That! 1399 00:53:54,733 --> 00:53:56,568 BLAIR: What? ALICE: The sexy neighbors! 1400 00:53:56,651 --> 00:53:58,528 - Oh... - They have footage of us dumping the body. 1401 00:53:58,904 --> 00:54:00,572 We should just turn ourselves in, right? 1402 00:54:00,739 --> 00:54:02,240 - We're fucked. - No. 1403 00:54:02,490 --> 00:54:05,327 We got rid of the body. We just have to get rid of the footage, that's all. 1404 00:54:05,410 --> 00:54:06,453 - Right? - ALICE: Yes. 1405 00:54:06,703 --> 00:54:07,871 - Yep. Yep. - Yeah, okay. 1406 00:54:07,954 --> 00:54:09,664 - Yes. - Well, how? 1407 00:54:10,123 --> 00:54:12,667 FRANKIE: Um... 1408 00:54:15,378 --> 00:54:16,504 No. 1409 00:54:17,255 --> 00:54:18,298 Absolutely not. 1410 00:54:18,381 --> 00:54:19,758 Thank you. Oh. 1411 00:54:19,841 --> 00:54:21,843 WOMAN: (SINGING) Make love to me 1412 00:54:22,093 --> 00:54:24,054 (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) 1413 00:54:24,804 --> 00:54:26,514 BLAIR: Mmm. 1414 00:54:27,265 --> 00:54:29,017 Your house is so, um... 1415 00:54:30,727 --> 00:54:32,854 - Funky. - Thank you. 1416 00:54:33,146 --> 00:54:34,314 You should see our panic room. 1417 00:54:34,397 --> 00:54:35,857 (LAUGHING) 1418 00:54:37,484 --> 00:54:38,485 (CHUCKLES) 1419 00:54:39,653 --> 00:54:40,737 Mmm. 1420 00:54:41,071 --> 00:54:42,238 May I? 1421 00:54:42,906 --> 00:54:44,366 Uh-huh. Mmm-hmm. 1422 00:54:45,700 --> 00:54:46,701 (GASPS) 1423 00:54:49,287 --> 00:54:52,123 It's happening. God, you make me red-hot. 1424 00:54:54,459 --> 00:54:56,378 (BOTH MOAN) 1425 00:55:00,548 --> 00:55:02,425 (ALL MOANING) 1426 00:55:03,468 --> 00:55:06,638 (LAUGHS) You know what would be really, really sexy? 1427 00:55:07,013 --> 00:55:08,223 Please tell me. 1428 00:55:08,890 --> 00:55:10,016 If we got this on tape. 1429 00:55:12,018 --> 00:55:14,104 Oh, you naughty girl. 1430 00:55:14,229 --> 00:55:15,730 BLAIR: Mmm-hmm. LEA: Ooh. 1431 00:55:15,897 --> 00:55:17,315 BLAIR: Oh! (LAUGHS) 1432 00:55:17,399 --> 00:55:21,987 Actually, I noticed that you guys have these cameras outside and it's always been 1433 00:55:22,487 --> 00:55:26,241 a fantasy of mine to get caught on a security camera, so... 1434 00:55:29,035 --> 00:55:30,078 Mesdemoiselles? 1435 00:55:30,954 --> 00:55:32,414 Oh, okay. Okay. 1436 00:55:32,497 --> 00:55:33,915 (LEA GIGGLES) 1437 00:55:35,667 --> 00:55:36,835 (WHISPERS) Thank you. 1438 00:55:37,168 --> 00:55:39,504 (PIETRO AND LEA MOANING) 1439 00:55:39,587 --> 00:55:44,050 WOMAN: (SINGING) It's all I can do to see this through 1440 00:55:44,134 --> 00:55:45,427 (NERVOUS CHUCKLING) 1441 00:55:45,552 --> 00:55:47,804 See it through 1442 00:55:47,887 --> 00:55:49,014 Okay. 1443 00:55:49,097 --> 00:55:51,975 It's all that I want 1444 00:55:52,934 --> 00:55:56,146 - Oh, okay. Yeah. - Is it okay that we're watching this? 1445 00:55:56,563 --> 00:56:00,316 Yeah, we're watching for Blair. You know, for her safety. We're monitoring. 1446 00:56:00,442 --> 00:56:02,777 - Man, Blair looks great. - Yeah, she looks great. 1447 00:56:03,153 --> 00:56:05,363 - LEA: You ready? - Uh... 1448 00:56:06,072 --> 00:56:07,866 - Yeah, think so. - All right. 1449 00:56:08,283 --> 00:56:09,284 (CHUCKLES) 1450 00:56:09,367 --> 00:56:11,953 - Oh! (GASPING, LAUGHING) - Relax. 1451 00:56:12,620 --> 00:56:13,663 - Oh! - I've got you. 1452 00:56:13,997 --> 00:56:15,415 - BLAIR: Holy shit! - Oh, my... 1453 00:56:15,623 --> 00:56:17,917 - Interesting. - She's showing off. To me. 1454 00:56:18,251 --> 00:56:19,669 - BLAIR: Yes! Yes! - (LAUGHS) Whoa. 1455 00:56:19,753 --> 00:56:21,004 Give me those. Give me those. 1456 00:56:22,130 --> 00:56:24,966 - Oh... - (HORN HONKS) 1457 00:56:25,133 --> 00:56:28,470 Sadness, look at us now 1458 00:56:28,595 --> 00:56:31,056 - (SLURPS) - (CLATTERS) 1459 00:56:31,139 --> 00:56:33,308 The best of me, sadness 1460 00:56:33,391 --> 00:56:34,768 (LINE RINGING) 1461 00:56:34,851 --> 00:56:36,644 ON VOICE MAIL: Hey, it's Jess. Leave a message. 1462 00:56:37,020 --> 00:56:38,396 Jess, it's Peter. 1463 00:56:39,647 --> 00:56:41,816 How are you? Um... 1464 00:56:43,651 --> 00:56:46,988 Just calling again. Okay. (CHUCKLES) Oh, man. 1465 00:56:47,405 --> 00:56:49,074 What a story this'll be, huh? 1466 00:56:49,574 --> 00:56:51,659 For the grand kids. If we get married. 1467 00:56:51,868 --> 00:56:54,954 Um, do me a favor, call me back. Let me know you're okay. 1468 00:56:55,163 --> 00:56:57,582 Got burned but I learned it was all for the better 1469 00:56:57,916 --> 00:57:00,001 I love you so much. Please call me. Bye. 1470 00:57:00,168 --> 00:57:03,797 Back together, never thought I could take all the wrongs 1471 00:57:03,922 --> 00:57:07,008 And turn them to right 1472 00:57:08,259 --> 00:57:11,763 Tonight 1473 00:57:11,930 --> 00:57:14,974 Sadness, look at us now 1474 00:57:15,183 --> 00:57:16,851 (LINE RINGING) 1475 00:57:17,018 --> 00:57:18,686 ON VOICE MAIL: Hey, it's Jess. Leave a message. 1476 00:57:18,853 --> 00:57:20,939 - (BEEPS) - Jess! 1477 00:57:21,314 --> 00:57:22,440 BLAIR: Yes! 1478 00:57:22,524 --> 00:57:24,818 - (PANTING) - (MOANING) 1479 00:57:24,901 --> 00:57:26,194 (CHUCKLES) 1480 00:57:26,277 --> 00:57:28,154 - (PANTING) - (WHOOPS) 1481 00:57:28,238 --> 00:57:30,240 - (EXHALES) Ho! - Oh. 1482 00:57:30,323 --> 00:57:34,202 Um, I would love a copy of the tape, you know, 1483 00:57:34,285 --> 00:57:37,122 for, like, jerking off later, whatever. 1484 00:57:37,622 --> 00:57:39,332 Me, too. What's the tape? 1485 00:57:40,291 --> 00:57:42,877 The tape. The, uh... The naughty tape we just made. 1486 00:57:42,961 --> 00:57:44,504 You know, the DVD or the... 1487 00:57:44,838 --> 00:57:46,589 You know, from the cameras. 1488 00:57:46,714 --> 00:57:49,217 - Oh. (SCOFFS) Those don't work. - (CHUCKLES) 1489 00:57:49,509 --> 00:57:52,720 - Excuse me, what? - Yeah, they don't work, like she said. 1490 00:57:52,846 --> 00:57:54,889 But we know that's not what this was about. 1491 00:57:54,973 --> 00:57:56,766 Right? This was fantasy fulfillment. 1492 00:57:57,308 --> 00:57:59,727 - Creating a mise en scne. - I'm sorry. Why, um... 1493 00:58:01,271 --> 00:58:04,232 Why would someone have security cameras that don't work? 1494 00:58:04,482 --> 00:58:05,900 They didn't charge us for the first three months. 1495 00:58:05,984 --> 00:58:07,360 After that, we didn't want to pay for the service. 1496 00:58:07,652 --> 00:58:09,112 LEA: You know, they keep out the riffraff. 1497 00:58:09,445 --> 00:58:11,823 You'll just have to jerk off as the Italians do. 1498 00:58:12,365 --> 00:58:13,992 - To your memories. - Mmm. 1499 00:58:16,578 --> 00:58:20,290 Wait, so, Blair, so there's no footage? 1500 00:58:20,790 --> 00:58:22,500 - (URINATING) - No. 1501 00:58:22,917 --> 00:58:24,961 - Ah! - Oh, my gosh. So we're in the clear! 1502 00:58:25,044 --> 00:58:26,921 - (LAUGHING) - That is... That's great. 1503 00:58:27,005 --> 00:58:29,424 - Yeah. - BLAIR: She was so intuitive. 1504 00:58:31,426 --> 00:58:33,636 She was inside me. 1505 00:58:34,637 --> 00:58:36,181 And then she was outside me. 1506 00:58:38,516 --> 00:58:40,143 And then she was me. 1507 00:58:41,352 --> 00:58:44,898 - So, we're good. - Almost, except I probably have HPV now. 1508 00:58:45,315 --> 00:58:46,441 Whatever. We all have HPV. 1509 00:58:46,649 --> 00:58:48,985 Oh, uh, I mean, I don't have HPV. 1510 00:58:49,485 --> 00:58:54,115 Alice, they say if you had sex after the year 1991, you have HPV. 1511 00:58:54,782 --> 00:58:56,743 Then, I mean, I definitely have HPV then. 1512 00:58:56,993 --> 00:58:59,037 I have, like, clumps and clumps of it. 1513 00:59:00,580 --> 00:59:03,041 Cool. Uh, let's clean up and get the hell out of here. 1514 00:59:03,249 --> 00:59:04,334 - Okay. - Whatcha, whatcha gon' do? 1515 00:59:05,084 --> 00:59:06,586 I call it housework 1516 00:59:06,669 --> 00:59:08,630 'Cause it's light work 1517 00:59:08,713 --> 00:59:10,256 - Whatcha, whatcha gon' do? - I'm-a throw shapes 1518 00:59:10,340 --> 00:59:12,258 Feeling the bass till my feet hurt 1519 00:59:12,675 --> 00:59:15,970 I call it housework, 'cause it's light work 1520 00:59:16,095 --> 00:59:17,972 - Whatcha, whatcha gon' do? - But I'm-a throw shade 1521 00:59:18,139 --> 00:59:19,933 If I don't get paid for this housework 1522 00:59:20,433 --> 00:59:21,976 Would you come along 1523 00:59:22,060 --> 00:59:23,770 Oh, with my friends 1524 00:59:23,853 --> 00:59:25,855 And to leave, I'm working 1525 00:59:26,314 --> 00:59:28,441 - Every weekend - Housework 1526 00:59:28,691 --> 00:59:29,692 Wow. 1527 00:59:30,109 --> 00:59:31,569 - Okay. - Looks pretty good. 1528 00:59:31,653 --> 00:59:33,029 - We did good. - Got it. 1529 00:59:33,112 --> 00:59:36,074 - Yes. Nice. High five, everyone. - Lovely. 1530 00:59:36,574 --> 00:59:38,618 Whatcha gon' do, gon' do? 1531 00:59:38,743 --> 00:59:40,828 (WOMAN SPEAKING SPANISH ON TAPE) 1532 00:59:41,079 --> 00:59:43,706 (SPEAKING SPANISH) 1533 00:59:44,123 --> 00:59:46,209 WOMAN: (ON TAPE) This child is not my son. 1534 00:59:47,502 --> 00:59:49,254 (SIREN WAILING) 1535 00:59:51,547 --> 00:59:53,174 (WOMAN SPEAKING SPANISH ON TAPE) 1536 00:59:53,383 --> 00:59:55,468 - (SIREN WHOOPING) - No, no, no, no, no, no, no. 1537 00:59:56,386 --> 00:59:58,429 (WOMAN SPEAKING SPANISH ON TAPE) 1538 00:59:59,222 --> 01:00:01,307 PETER: Shit. My pants. 1539 01:00:01,891 --> 01:00:04,852 - (GROANS) - (CLATTERING) 1540 01:00:05,228 --> 01:00:07,188 (SINGSONGY) I don't have time for this. 1541 01:00:16,781 --> 01:00:18,032 Good evening, Officer. 1542 01:00:18,157 --> 01:00:19,659 How can I be of service to you? 1543 01:00:20,201 --> 01:00:22,161 - Sir, you been drinking? - Absolutely not. 1544 01:00:22,453 --> 01:00:25,123 I did do a wine tasting earlier this evening, Italian reds mostly, 1545 01:00:25,206 --> 01:00:26,791 but you don't really drink it, you mostly spit. 1546 01:00:26,874 --> 01:00:28,167 You take sips and you spit into a bucket. 1547 01:00:28,251 --> 01:00:30,670 What the... All right, sir, I'm gonna ask you to get out of the vehicle. 1548 01:00:30,753 --> 01:00:31,838 - No. - Now! 1549 01:00:31,921 --> 01:00:33,214 - Officer... - Now! 1550 01:00:33,423 --> 01:00:35,258 Hands. Move slow. 1551 01:00:38,553 --> 01:00:40,471 (CLATTERING) 1552 01:00:42,307 --> 01:00:43,599 Officer, I can explain. 1553 01:00:44,309 --> 01:00:45,393 She's a 20! 1554 01:00:46,519 --> 01:00:47,603 ALICE: Okay, before we go, 1555 01:00:48,021 --> 01:00:49,522 we got to do human friendtipede, yeah? 1556 01:00:49,605 --> 01:00:50,648 - What? - Alice. 1557 01:00:50,732 --> 01:00:52,025 - No way. - ALICE: Yes. 1558 01:00:52,483 --> 01:00:54,902 - It's tradition. - Alice, quick "Q." 1559 01:00:55,528 --> 01:00:57,238 What is a human friendtipede? 1560 01:00:57,447 --> 01:01:00,408 It's a photo we always take that's like the movie Human Centipede. 1561 01:01:00,575 --> 01:01:03,995 Where they're sewn together, mouth to anus, but it's with friends, 1562 01:01:04,120 --> 01:01:06,331 - so it's special. - Come on now, Alice. 1563 01:01:06,456 --> 01:01:08,291 - I don't know about that. - I feel like not the appropriate... 1564 01:01:08,499 --> 01:01:11,336 Guys, if I don't post a ton of pictures from this weekend, 1565 01:01:11,502 --> 01:01:12,920 it's gonna look suspicious. 1566 01:01:13,087 --> 01:01:14,213 Like we killed someone. 1567 01:01:14,797 --> 01:01:17,008 (SIGHS) Okay. I can't believe I'm saying this, 1568 01:01:17,091 --> 01:01:18,593 but I think we should do the human friendtipede. 1569 01:01:18,760 --> 01:01:21,929 - Yes! - But we cannot photograph the crime scene. 1570 01:01:22,013 --> 01:01:23,598 (CHUCKLES) Okay. I get the middle. 1571 01:01:24,682 --> 01:01:26,476 (GROANS) Why do you want the middle? 1572 01:01:27,060 --> 01:01:29,145 Okay. Oh, my God, amazoir. 1573 01:01:29,771 --> 01:01:31,439 Say "friendtipede." 1574 01:01:31,522 --> 01:01:32,982 ALL: Friendtipede! 1575 01:01:33,483 --> 01:01:35,651 (GASPS) Cute. 1576 01:01:35,818 --> 01:01:37,528 (LAUGHS) Yes! 1577 01:01:37,612 --> 01:01:39,322 - Let's see it. - It's ridiculous. 1578 01:01:39,405 --> 01:01:40,490 (ALICE SCREAMS) 1579 01:01:40,573 --> 01:01:43,743 - Alice, stop. You look really pretty. - No, look! 1580 01:01:44,827 --> 01:01:45,828 (GASPING) 1581 01:01:46,079 --> 01:01:49,582 - Oh, my God. - No! Come on! No! 1582 01:01:50,083 --> 01:01:52,335 - Oh, shit! Damn it! - Is that our guy? 1583 01:01:52,418 --> 01:01:53,419 (JESS GROANING) 1584 01:01:53,544 --> 01:01:55,129 - Are you kidding me? - Oh, shit! 1585 01:01:55,421 --> 01:01:56,798 Oh, my God, oh, my God! 1586 01:01:57,006 --> 01:01:59,092 (GRUNTING) God, I thought you weighed him down. 1587 01:01:59,217 --> 01:02:02,387 I did. I put rocks in his pockets. I guess his pants fell off. 1588 01:02:02,553 --> 01:02:04,222 Men need to wear belts. 1589 01:02:04,347 --> 01:02:06,808 Yeah. How dare they not sink when we murder them. 1590 01:02:08,309 --> 01:02:11,229 Z, Y, X, W, V, U, T, S, R, Q, P, O, 1591 01:02:11,312 --> 01:02:15,066 N, M, L, K, J, I, H, G, F, E, D, C, B, A. 1592 01:02:15,525 --> 01:02:17,652 (GRUNTING) 1593 01:02:19,028 --> 01:02:21,114 (EXHALING) 1594 01:02:24,784 --> 01:02:25,910 Okay. 1595 01:02:26,577 --> 01:02:28,121 (EXHALES) 1596 01:02:28,329 --> 01:02:30,331 (WAVERING SCOFFS) 1597 01:02:31,916 --> 01:02:33,292 Did you see that? 1598 01:02:34,544 --> 01:02:38,965 - You only had to walk a straight line. - I know. I just followed my body. 1599 01:02:39,382 --> 01:02:40,967 - Are you a dancer or... - No. 1600 01:02:41,050 --> 01:02:43,010 I've never done anything like that before in my life. 1601 01:02:43,469 --> 01:02:44,846 I still got to give you a speeding ticket. 1602 01:02:45,179 --> 01:02:46,806 Please. That's great. 1603 01:02:47,265 --> 01:02:48,349 Slow down. 1604 01:02:48,641 --> 01:02:50,518 - Thank you, Officer. - I almost shot you. 1605 01:02:50,643 --> 01:02:53,855 (CHUCKLES) I know. That was nuts. Also, don't shoot anybody. 1606 01:02:54,856 --> 01:02:56,816 (GROANING) 1607 01:02:56,899 --> 01:02:59,110 We can't get rid of his body in broad daylight, you guys. 1608 01:02:59,193 --> 01:03:01,195 We have to think of something. Come on. 1609 01:03:01,320 --> 01:03:02,780 - (SIGHS) - Ideas? 1610 01:03:02,864 --> 01:03:04,449 - (SNORING) - Kiwi! You up? 1611 01:03:04,532 --> 01:03:05,908 Yeah. Yeah. 1612 01:03:05,992 --> 01:03:09,120 - We need everyone's brain on this, so... - Yeah. Yeah. Okay. 1613 01:03:09,454 --> 01:03:11,873 So, um, here's what I'm gonna do. 1614 01:03:12,206 --> 01:03:13,708 I'm gonna go to the beach 1615 01:03:14,000 --> 01:03:15,960 and do a bit of mindful meditation. 1616 01:03:16,169 --> 01:03:18,212 And, um, when I come back, 1617 01:03:18,337 --> 01:03:20,131 I'm gonna have a be-genius idea. 1618 01:03:20,673 --> 01:03:22,758 Yeah? All right. 1619 01:03:23,301 --> 01:03:24,760 (YAWNS) We got it. 1620 01:03:25,219 --> 01:03:27,930 (GASPS) We're never gonna get rid of his body. 1621 01:03:28,514 --> 01:03:30,391 He's gonna follow us around for the rest of our lives. 1622 01:03:30,725 --> 01:03:32,310 BLAIR: Oh, God. FRANKIE: Oh, no. 1623 01:03:32,477 --> 01:03:33,478 - (LOUD POUNDING) - MAN: Police! 1624 01:03:33,561 --> 01:03:35,813 - Shit. - Oh, my God. Oh, my God. 1625 01:03:35,897 --> 01:03:37,940 Do you think the neighbors called them? Maybe they got suspicious. 1626 01:03:38,399 --> 01:03:40,109 - Oh, my God. - Police! Open up! Now! 1627 01:03:40,359 --> 01:03:43,529 Women, this is my world. I will handle this. I got you. 1628 01:03:44,197 --> 01:03:45,531 Turn out the lights and hide. 1629 01:03:45,698 --> 01:03:48,242 (POUNDING CONTINUES) 1630 01:03:52,580 --> 01:03:54,499 (MIMICS GUN COCKING, BLOWS) 1631 01:03:57,919 --> 01:04:01,297 (HIGH-PITCHED) Oh, good evening, Officer. (CHUCKLES) 1632 01:04:01,631 --> 01:04:02,882 Step aside, miss. 1633 01:04:03,216 --> 01:04:04,717 What's this all about? 1634 01:04:05,009 --> 01:04:06,135 Put your hands where I can see them. 1635 01:04:06,385 --> 01:04:10,056 (NORMAL VOICE) Officer, I am cooperating. You see? Hello. 1636 01:04:10,139 --> 01:04:11,474 Get your hands against the wall. 1637 01:04:11,557 --> 01:04:12,683 - I am not... - Get your hands against the wall! 1638 01:04:12,767 --> 01:04:14,810 FRANKIE: I am taking a passive stance. 1639 01:04:14,894 --> 01:04:16,687 My body is limp for you! 1640 01:04:17,063 --> 01:04:18,439 Spread them. 1641 01:04:18,606 --> 01:04:20,942 (FRANKIE WHIMPERING) 1642 01:04:23,444 --> 01:04:25,530 What are you doing? No. 1643 01:04:25,988 --> 01:04:27,281 No! No! 1644 01:04:27,448 --> 01:04:28,950 (GRUNTING) 1645 01:04:29,367 --> 01:04:31,202 - Fuck! - Jesus! 1646 01:04:32,119 --> 01:04:35,164 - Frankie! Frankie! - Oh, my God. 1647 01:04:35,456 --> 01:04:37,708 Now we have a dead guy and an unconscious cop? 1648 01:04:37,792 --> 01:04:39,460 - What is wrong with you? - Are you kidding me? 1649 01:04:39,544 --> 01:04:42,338 He's obviously a rape cop. This is what they do! 1650 01:04:42,547 --> 01:04:44,298 When they have dirt on you, they sexually assault you, 1651 01:04:44,382 --> 01:04:45,675 knowing you won't report it. 1652 01:04:45,925 --> 01:04:48,386 - Daniel Holtzclaw, Oklahoma City? - Who? 1653 01:04:48,636 --> 01:04:50,221 He sexually assaulted eight women. 1654 01:04:50,972 --> 01:04:52,848 Like Matt Dillon in Crash. 1655 01:04:53,140 --> 01:04:55,768 - Oh, my God, that was horrendous. - What a nightmare. 1656 01:04:55,851 --> 01:04:58,229 Information is power, guys. I mean it. I mean it. 1657 01:04:58,312 --> 01:04:59,605 Okay, chill out. You're from Brentwood, 1658 01:04:59,689 --> 01:05:01,482 and your dad used to be John Mayer's accountant. 1659 01:05:02,066 --> 01:05:05,570 Okay. "You are not your father's daughters but mothers unto your own." 1660 01:05:05,653 --> 01:05:06,946 Wait, is that John Mayer? 1661 01:05:07,280 --> 01:05:08,990 It's Malcolm X. 1662 01:05:09,699 --> 01:05:11,284 - Pretty sure it's John Mayer. - (SINGING) Fathers, fathers 1663 01:05:11,492 --> 01:05:13,286 Okay, you guys, you guys, we have to move this guy 1664 01:05:13,369 --> 01:05:15,913 before the neighbors return to eat Blair out again. 1665 01:05:16,163 --> 01:05:17,999 - (GROANS) - I'd be fine with that. 1666 01:05:18,082 --> 01:05:19,292 - All right. - Fuck. 1667 01:05:19,375 --> 01:05:21,294 All right, one, two, three. 1668 01:05:22,712 --> 01:05:24,171 (ALL GASP) 1669 01:05:25,298 --> 01:05:26,299 Uh... 1670 01:05:27,341 --> 01:05:30,803 Frankie, how many strippers did you order? 1671 01:05:32,221 --> 01:05:33,514 Just the one. 1672 01:05:34,390 --> 01:05:36,267 Then who's this guy? 1673 01:05:37,810 --> 01:05:39,228 - Let me see his dick real quick. - Good call. 1674 01:05:39,395 --> 01:05:41,814 - Wait, what? - The stripper I ordered had a dick pic 1675 01:05:41,897 --> 01:05:43,399 in his ad. No face. 1676 01:05:43,482 --> 01:05:46,861 - But I can ID him by his member. - Cool. Okay. 1677 01:05:48,321 --> 01:05:49,322 (SIGHS) 1678 01:05:51,699 --> 01:05:53,075 I'm not sure. 1679 01:05:53,159 --> 01:05:54,744 He had a boner in his ad. 1680 01:05:54,827 --> 01:05:56,203 This one's soft. 1681 01:05:56,621 --> 01:05:59,457 I can get it hard. Let's go, feet. 1682 01:05:59,749 --> 01:06:02,043 - What? No. No, no, no, no. - Stop. No, wait. Stop, please. 1683 01:06:03,711 --> 01:06:04,712 (SIGHS) 1684 01:06:06,714 --> 01:06:07,715 (ELASTIC SNAPS) 1685 01:06:08,007 --> 01:06:10,176 Okay, yes. This is the stripper I ordered. 1686 01:06:10,635 --> 01:06:12,219 This is Scotty with the Body. 1687 01:06:13,596 --> 01:06:14,889 Then who did we kill? 1688 01:06:17,266 --> 01:06:19,769 - (WOMAN SPEAKING SPANISH ON TAPE) - (TIRES SCREECHING) 1689 01:06:32,907 --> 01:06:33,908 (BEEPS) 1690 01:06:35,451 --> 01:06:37,411 (RINGTONE PLAYS) 1691 01:06:38,788 --> 01:06:40,706 - Hello? - AUTOMATED VOICE: This is Banknorth. 1692 01:06:40,790 --> 01:06:43,292 We have detected unusual activity on your account. 1693 01:06:43,542 --> 01:06:45,044 If you have attempted a purchase at 1694 01:06:45,127 --> 01:06:48,339 Quickie Stop in Port St. Lucie, please press one. 1695 01:06:49,882 --> 01:06:50,883 (BEEPS) 1696 01:06:51,050 --> 01:06:52,343 Thank you for pressing two. 1697 01:06:52,677 --> 01:06:55,054 Your card has been suspended due to unusual activity. 1698 01:06:55,137 --> 01:06:56,430 No. No. 1699 01:06:57,306 --> 01:06:58,307 (SIGHS) 1700 01:06:59,433 --> 01:07:01,435 Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. 1701 01:07:02,353 --> 01:07:03,354 (SIGHS) 1702 01:07:07,692 --> 01:07:09,068 (GROANS) 1703 01:07:11,737 --> 01:07:13,114 BLAIR: How's that? ALICE: Yeah, that's good. 1704 01:07:15,282 --> 01:07:17,451 If you're looking for our cell phones, I locked them in this drawer 1705 01:07:17,535 --> 01:07:18,786 and I'm not gonna open it, okay? 1706 01:07:19,078 --> 01:07:22,707 Please let me at least text Peter. I feel like he's totally freaking out right now. 1707 01:07:22,832 --> 01:07:24,417 FRANKIE: Not until everything is sorted out. 1708 01:07:24,500 --> 01:07:25,751 We made a plan. 1709 01:07:26,544 --> 01:07:28,045 Um, Alice. 1710 01:07:28,129 --> 01:07:29,630 - What's up, dude? What are you doing? - What? 1711 01:07:30,548 --> 01:07:32,633 Oh, I'm just making sure nothing's broken. 1712 01:07:33,008 --> 01:07:34,260 I think he's fine. 1713 01:07:34,552 --> 01:07:35,845 Yeah, he's really fine. 1714 01:07:36,178 --> 01:07:37,430 - Jesus. - BLAIR: Oh, my God. 1715 01:07:37,513 --> 01:07:40,808 You need to masturbate more. You're, like, severely horny. 1716 01:07:41,016 --> 01:07:44,311 (SIGHS) I know. I just don't like to do it in front of my cockatiel. 1717 01:07:44,437 --> 01:07:45,771 She's very smart. 1718 01:07:46,105 --> 01:07:48,482 - Why don't you put her in a cage? - She is in a cage. 1719 01:07:48,858 --> 01:07:50,484 But I'm loud. I'm a screamer. 1720 01:07:50,818 --> 01:07:52,486 - I remember. - Oh, yeah, I forgot about that. 1721 01:07:52,570 --> 01:07:54,864 And it kind of sounds like her. 1722 01:07:55,281 --> 01:07:56,741 So she thinks I'm talking to her. 1723 01:07:57,491 --> 01:07:59,368 I'm like, "No, I'm just fucking touching myself." 1724 01:07:59,452 --> 01:08:01,412 - Like, "Back off." - Mmm-hmm. Mmm-hmm. 1725 01:08:01,829 --> 01:08:03,622 Cool, so back to our life-changing emergency? 1726 01:08:03,789 --> 01:08:06,959 - (DISGUSTED GROANS) - Okay, the stripper's here, he's alive. 1727 01:08:07,251 --> 01:08:09,503 - That's good. Right? - JESS: Yeah. 1728 01:08:10,087 --> 01:08:12,256 Um, there is still a dead guy in the closet, so... 1729 01:08:12,339 --> 01:08:14,049 - Who is that guy? - BLAIR: We could get rid 1730 01:08:14,133 --> 01:08:16,093 of him if we just had a car, you know? 1731 01:08:16,427 --> 01:08:18,429 Oh, my God. How did this guy get here? 1732 01:08:19,430 --> 01:08:20,431 (BLAIR GASPS) 1733 01:08:22,016 --> 01:08:23,517 FRANKIE: Oh, yeah. 1734 01:08:23,851 --> 01:08:25,436 That'll work. 1735 01:08:26,228 --> 01:08:27,772 - Thank God! - BLAIR: Will it? 1736 01:08:28,397 --> 01:08:31,108 All right, we're gonna drive to the alligator bog, dump the body. 1737 01:08:31,650 --> 01:08:32,985 We're gonna return the Smart car, 1738 01:08:33,068 --> 01:08:36,030 wake up the G-string guy, tell him he hit his head really hard. 1739 01:08:36,113 --> 01:08:37,990 - Blair's gonna give him a ton of cash. - Wait, what? 1740 01:08:38,073 --> 01:08:40,117 - And then we're home free. - I love it. Yeah. 1741 01:08:40,284 --> 01:08:42,536 1742 01:08:48,501 --> 01:08:50,002 ALICE: Alligator bog. 1743 01:08:50,085 --> 01:08:53,339 GPS VOICE: You will arrive at your destination in 45 minutes. 1744 01:08:53,923 --> 01:08:55,382 MAN: (SINGING) I'm a hustler, baby 1745 01:08:55,466 --> 01:08:56,675 (QUIETLY) Yeah. 1746 01:08:56,842 --> 01:08:59,094 That's what my daddy's made me 1747 01:08:59,512 --> 01:09:01,472 Can I do your... Do you mind if I do your thing? 1748 01:09:02,807 --> 01:09:04,600 (LAUGHTER) 1749 01:09:04,683 --> 01:09:06,060 Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. 1750 01:09:06,143 --> 01:09:07,186 Don't litter. 1751 01:09:08,646 --> 01:09:10,773 Yeah, I'm a hustler, baby 1752 01:09:12,566 --> 01:09:14,568 That's what my daddy's made me 1753 01:09:14,902 --> 01:09:16,862 1754 01:09:29,875 --> 01:09:31,335 All right. 1755 01:09:31,585 --> 01:09:33,921 Hey, thanks a lot, man. 1756 01:09:34,672 --> 01:09:36,173 - For you. - Thank you so much. 1757 01:09:36,257 --> 01:09:38,092 So, I got meth. 1758 01:09:38,634 --> 01:09:40,427 You looking? 4 bucks. 1759 01:09:40,636 --> 01:09:43,639 No, thank you so much. I just need gas money. 1760 01:09:44,473 --> 01:09:47,268 Hey, listen, do you want to suck my dick for 15 bucks? 1761 01:09:48,352 --> 01:09:50,187 - No. Thank you. - Okay. 1762 01:09:50,521 --> 01:09:51,772 Good luck, man. 1763 01:09:51,981 --> 01:09:53,190 Thanks, man. 1764 01:09:53,816 --> 01:09:55,734 1765 01:09:56,110 --> 01:09:58,445 (WHISTLING A TUNE) 1766 01:09:59,488 --> 01:10:01,448 GPS VOICE: You will arrive in 25 minutes. 1767 01:10:01,532 --> 01:10:03,117 BLAIR: (SCOFFS) This is so uncomfortable. 1768 01:10:03,409 --> 01:10:05,327 I mean, does this thing go any faster? 1769 01:10:08,455 --> 01:10:10,708 BLAIR: Wait! JESS: No, no, no, no, no, no, no! 1770 01:10:11,000 --> 01:10:13,043 (GASPING, SCREAMING) 1771 01:10:13,335 --> 01:10:15,963 (GASPING BREATHS, WHIMPERING) 1772 01:10:19,174 --> 01:10:20,843 So it does go faster? 1773 01:10:21,343 --> 01:10:22,344 Mmm-hmm. 1774 01:10:22,636 --> 01:10:24,805 1775 01:10:26,557 --> 01:10:27,558 (SIGHS) 1776 01:10:30,978 --> 01:10:33,063 - Hi, sir. May I... - Whoa! Get the fuck away from my car. 1777 01:10:33,272 --> 01:10:34,815 - Okay. Sorry, sorry, sorry. - God. 1778 01:10:35,441 --> 01:10:36,984 Let me suck your dick real fast. 1779 01:10:37,151 --> 01:10:38,235 What? 1780 01:10:38,777 --> 01:10:41,113 - Please? - No. What is with this place? 1781 01:10:41,614 --> 01:10:43,073 Okay, listen... 1782 01:10:43,574 --> 01:10:44,742 Do you have any meth? 1783 01:10:46,327 --> 01:10:47,661 I'm a hustler, baby 1784 01:10:49,872 --> 01:10:52,374 - I could sell you meth, yeah. Um... - Really? 1785 01:10:53,792 --> 01:10:56,086 - 8 bucks. - 8, uh, dollars... 1786 01:10:56,629 --> 01:10:58,047 There you go. 1787 01:10:58,255 --> 01:11:00,007 1788 01:11:03,177 --> 01:11:04,845 - (ELECTRONIC CHIMING) - CLIFF: Do-do-do-do 1789 01:11:04,929 --> 01:11:06,263 - Hey, man. - Hey. 1790 01:11:07,139 --> 01:11:09,683 - (WHISPERS) Um, I want to buy some meth. - (GASPS) Oh! 1791 01:11:10,893 --> 01:11:12,686 Only thing is, though, 1792 01:11:12,978 --> 01:11:15,981 you got to do a little bump, though, so I know that you're not a cop. 1793 01:11:16,065 --> 01:11:18,275 No, man. Please. I'm not a cop. 1794 01:11:18,567 --> 01:11:20,110 You want the meth or not? 1795 01:11:21,528 --> 01:11:22,529 Okay. 1796 01:11:22,780 --> 01:11:26,367 - Yay! Here we go. - (SNIFFS) 1797 01:11:26,450 --> 01:11:28,911 - And one for Papa Bear. - It burns. All right. 1798 01:11:29,078 --> 01:11:30,371 40 bucks. Not a cop. Come on. 1799 01:11:32,498 --> 01:11:34,708 - (QUIETLY) Yes. Great. Thank you. - You're welcome. 1800 01:11:35,125 --> 01:11:37,544 So, uh, still a no-go on the BJ, or... 1801 01:11:38,003 --> 01:11:39,380 No, I'm good. Thanks. 1802 01:11:39,713 --> 01:11:41,298 That's fine. 1803 01:11:42,466 --> 01:11:43,842 Actually, 1804 01:11:44,510 --> 01:11:46,345 there's somebody I want to introduce you to. 1805 01:11:47,054 --> 01:11:48,889 - Right on! - Very nice to meet you. 1806 01:11:48,973 --> 01:11:50,557 - Good to meet you, too. - This is so perfect. 1807 01:11:50,641 --> 01:11:53,018 - Yeah, go. Please, go. - Okay. Okay. 1808 01:11:54,061 --> 01:11:56,522 You got to do it, man. That's true love. 1809 01:11:56,647 --> 01:11:57,648 1810 01:12:13,539 --> 01:12:15,082 Guys, I fell asleep. 1811 01:12:15,165 --> 01:12:16,667 I fell asleep. 1812 01:12:17,042 --> 01:12:20,129 I had this nightmare where we had all killed a guy. 1813 01:12:21,088 --> 01:12:22,423 - That is a reality. - No, we killed somebody. 1814 01:12:22,506 --> 01:12:24,717 What? No! 1815 01:12:24,967 --> 01:12:28,804 Oh, my God! Jet lag is insane, you guys. 1816 01:12:29,013 --> 01:12:30,472 It's no joke! 1817 01:12:30,973 --> 01:12:32,224 No joke! 1818 01:12:32,641 --> 01:12:33,892 Damn it! 1819 01:12:34,643 --> 01:12:37,813 Did you happen to come up with a be-genius idea out there? 1820 01:12:38,063 --> 01:12:39,314 Yeah, I did, actually. 1821 01:12:39,398 --> 01:12:43,569 In my dream, I remembered that there was this guy in Australia 1822 01:12:43,652 --> 01:12:45,529 who cooked his girlfriend and ate her. 1823 01:12:45,696 --> 01:12:48,157 - Kiwi. - I can't 'cause I am vegan. 1824 01:12:48,240 --> 01:12:49,324 - But... - Kiwi. 1825 01:12:49,408 --> 01:12:51,076 JESS: Oh, God, I'm so tired. 1826 01:12:51,952 --> 01:12:53,746 We should turn ourselves in. We're guilty. 1827 01:12:53,829 --> 01:12:56,457 No, we are innocent, because this was an accident, you guys. 1828 01:12:56,665 --> 01:12:57,708 Stop saying that. 1829 01:12:57,791 --> 01:13:01,128 Maybe if you hadn't been lethally horny, we wouldn't be in this mess. 1830 01:13:01,295 --> 01:13:03,922 I was coked up because you bought us drugs. 1831 01:13:04,131 --> 01:13:06,300 I didn't force you to do the drugs, Alice. 1832 01:13:06,383 --> 01:13:08,093 And you know what, nobody's talking about how it was 1833 01:13:08,177 --> 01:13:10,012 Blair's idea to get a stripper in the first place. 1834 01:13:10,095 --> 01:13:12,014 Yeah, but you're never to blame, right? 1835 01:13:12,097 --> 01:13:14,516 "Look at me, I'm Frankie. I live in a storage unit. 1836 01:13:14,641 --> 01:13:15,851 - "I'm saving the world." - You know what? 1837 01:13:15,934 --> 01:13:19,396 You act like everybody's so stupid for not being a merciless asshole like you. 1838 01:13:19,480 --> 01:13:21,774 - I'm the asshole? - I mean, you're both kind of assholes. 1839 01:13:21,857 --> 01:13:23,358 - Stay out of this. - Seriously. 1840 01:13:23,901 --> 01:13:25,611 Maybe you're the asshole, Alice. 1841 01:13:25,778 --> 01:13:26,779 Oh, shit. 1842 01:13:27,112 --> 01:13:28,363 Excuse me, bitch? 1843 01:13:28,655 --> 01:13:29,698 (LAUGHS) 1844 01:13:29,782 --> 01:13:31,325 I'm a fucking sweetheart. 1845 01:13:32,284 --> 01:13:35,788 Well, then why do you insist on calling me Kiwi 1846 01:13:35,871 --> 01:13:38,040 even though I told you it was culturally insensitive? 1847 01:13:38,373 --> 01:13:42,336 And why did you feel the need to reach over and try to undo my seat belt 1848 01:13:42,419 --> 01:13:43,962 in the taxicab on the way here? 1849 01:13:44,254 --> 01:13:45,881 - Jesus Christ. - ALICE: Yeah. 1850 01:13:46,131 --> 01:13:47,883 That's an American bit. 1851 01:13:48,175 --> 01:13:51,011 We do it as a joke. Okay? We all do it. Right? 1852 01:13:51,386 --> 01:13:52,429 (MUTTERING) Come on, say it. 1853 01:13:52,513 --> 01:13:55,849 - Alice! - Oh, my God, stop it, please. 1854 01:13:56,016 --> 01:13:57,893 It's bad enough without you two going at it. 1855 01:13:57,976 --> 01:14:00,312 And I thought your bridal shower was a nightmare. 1856 01:14:00,646 --> 01:14:02,523 What are you talking about? She didn't have a bridal shower. 1857 01:14:03,148 --> 01:14:04,483 No, she didn't. 1858 01:14:08,779 --> 01:14:10,280 You had a bridal shower? 1859 01:14:11,031 --> 01:14:13,742 (SIGHS) Well, not really. I mean... 1860 01:14:14,660 --> 01:14:17,204 It was, like, work friends. It wasn't a big deal. 1861 01:14:17,371 --> 01:14:18,413 But Blair went? 1862 01:14:18,705 --> 01:14:20,249 It wasn't even open bar. 1863 01:14:21,125 --> 01:14:22,167 What? It wasn't. 1864 01:14:23,210 --> 01:14:24,711 How could you not invite me? 1865 01:14:25,129 --> 01:14:27,172 Alice, please. Please, can we drop it? 1866 01:14:27,798 --> 01:14:30,843 Please. I'm telling you, it was just... It was for Peter's family. 1867 01:14:30,926 --> 01:14:32,761 - It wasn't a big deal, man. - Oh, Peter. 1868 01:14:33,387 --> 01:14:35,055 He is so annoying. 1869 01:14:35,514 --> 01:14:36,849 And I know why he doesn't like me. 1870 01:14:38,016 --> 01:14:39,935 'Cause he's, like, so freaking jealous. 1871 01:14:41,019 --> 01:14:42,271 Peter is not jealous of you. 1872 01:14:42,354 --> 01:14:45,774 Well, then, why would you not invite your best friend to your bridal shower? 1873 01:14:45,858 --> 01:14:48,527 - Oh, my God, you really want to know why? - Yes! I do! 1874 01:14:48,610 --> 01:14:50,571 Because I knew that if I invited you, 1875 01:14:50,654 --> 01:14:52,781 you wouldn't let me talk to anybody else. That's why. 1876 01:14:53,115 --> 01:14:55,242 Okay? You monopolize my time 1877 01:14:55,450 --> 01:14:56,994 and then you make me feel guilty 1878 01:14:57,119 --> 01:14:59,746 about not spending time with you. How can I win? 1879 01:14:59,830 --> 01:15:00,914 Are you kidding me? 1880 01:15:01,248 --> 01:15:03,500 I do not monopolize your time, Jess! 1881 01:15:03,667 --> 01:15:04,835 I just try to make the most of it, 1882 01:15:04,918 --> 01:15:06,795 'cause you don't even make an effort to see me anymore. 1883 01:15:06,920 --> 01:15:09,006 - That's not true! - It is true. 1884 01:15:09,464 --> 01:15:10,632 It is. 1885 01:15:11,216 --> 01:15:13,093 I'm sorry, but you are always at work, 1886 01:15:13,510 --> 01:15:15,345 or you're making plans with Peter. 1887 01:15:16,013 --> 01:15:18,390 Or you're (AUSTRALIAN ACCENT) Skyping with other people. 1888 01:15:18,473 --> 01:15:20,267 I can't do your stupid fucking accent. 1889 01:15:20,684 --> 01:15:22,728 - No, you can't. - JESS: Yes, yes. 1890 01:15:22,811 --> 01:15:26,148 We're not in college anymore, and things do change. 1891 01:15:26,356 --> 01:15:28,525 The only thing that's changed is you. 1892 01:15:28,775 --> 01:15:30,319 You've become obsessed 1893 01:15:30,736 --> 01:15:34,448 with your perfect new life and your campaign and you ditched me. 1894 01:15:34,573 --> 01:15:38,243 Oh, I am sorry that I don't want to talk about 1895 01:15:38,327 --> 01:15:40,287 the time that we got drunk 1896 01:15:40,370 --> 01:15:42,748 at O'Flaherty's 1 years ago! 1897 01:15:43,290 --> 01:15:44,291 Well, you know what? 1898 01:15:44,583 --> 01:15:47,294 I guess I never should have planned such a nice weekend for you. 1899 01:15:47,377 --> 01:15:50,088 You know, you... God, you are so ungrateful. 1900 01:15:50,714 --> 01:15:52,799 - Did you just say I was ungrateful? - Yes! 1901 01:15:52,883 --> 01:15:54,635 You're an ungrateful person. 1902 01:15:55,010 --> 01:15:57,471 You didn't plan this weekend for me. 1903 01:15:57,554 --> 01:16:00,015 You planned this weekend for yourself, 1904 01:16:00,182 --> 01:16:02,517 so that you could post a bunch of photos 1905 01:16:02,601 --> 01:16:05,479 and not make your life seem so sad! 1906 01:16:05,812 --> 01:16:07,439 1907 01:16:11,276 --> 01:16:12,694 I'm sorry, Jess. 1908 01:16:15,322 --> 01:16:16,323 Uh... 1909 01:16:17,741 --> 01:16:19,076 I'll leave you... 1910 01:16:19,243 --> 01:16:20,994 I'll leave you alone from now on. 1911 01:16:22,204 --> 01:16:23,372 Alice. 1912 01:16:25,540 --> 01:16:26,708 Alice. 1913 01:16:27,334 --> 01:16:28,335 (EXHALES) 1914 01:16:31,213 --> 01:16:32,881 Jess, that was really harsh. 1915 01:16:33,173 --> 01:16:35,467 Oh, my God, I can't. I can't with the guilt. Please. 1916 01:16:36,510 --> 01:16:38,470 I can't with any of this anymore. 1917 01:16:39,263 --> 01:16:40,514 Jess, come on, dude. 1918 01:16:40,722 --> 01:16:45,519 No. All we have done all night is make this situation worse, okay? 1919 01:16:45,602 --> 01:16:48,480 We are turning ourselves in and that's the end. (SNIFFLES) 1920 01:16:48,605 --> 01:16:50,857 Now, I'm going upstairs to wipe this shit off my face, 1921 01:16:50,941 --> 01:16:53,026 so I can at least look cute for my mug shot. 1922 01:16:55,404 --> 01:16:58,615 (CRYING) And self-waxing is not weird. 1923 01:16:59,366 --> 01:17:02,744 I don't appreciate your body-hair-removal shaming. 1924 01:17:04,496 --> 01:17:06,331 Shame on you! And you! 1925 01:17:08,542 --> 01:17:09,584 You've been fine. 1926 01:17:17,384 --> 01:17:19,219 (QUIET BEEPING) 1927 01:17:19,303 --> 01:17:21,054 Did you hear that? What is that? 1928 01:17:21,138 --> 01:17:22,222 (BEEPING CONTINUES) 1929 01:17:22,389 --> 01:17:24,224 - What is that? - Where is it? 1930 01:17:25,142 --> 01:17:26,184 Where's it coming from? 1931 01:17:30,147 --> 01:17:32,607 - PIPPA: Not these pillows. - Aw, fuck. No. 1932 01:17:33,275 --> 01:17:35,068 (BEEPING CONTINUES) 1933 01:17:35,360 --> 01:17:36,486 (GASPS) Fuck, it's his phone. 1934 01:17:36,653 --> 01:17:38,447 - Someone is looking for this guy. - PIPPA: Oh, my God. 1935 01:17:38,530 --> 01:17:39,865 - Turn it off. - I'm trying! 1936 01:17:40,324 --> 01:17:41,950 - What's going on? - BLAIR: Stop! Oh, my God. 1937 01:17:42,367 --> 01:17:45,120 Someone is trying to track the stripper's phone and it looks like they're... 1938 01:17:45,203 --> 01:17:47,205 (DOORBELL RINGS) 1939 01:17:48,081 --> 01:17:49,416 Here. 1940 01:17:55,714 --> 01:17:57,632 - Hello? - Miami PD. 1941 01:17:58,216 --> 01:17:59,676 Have you seen this man? 1942 01:18:00,802 --> 01:18:01,928 (WHISPERS) Oh, shit. 1943 01:18:03,513 --> 01:18:04,848 RUIZ: We tracked his phone to this house. 1944 01:18:04,931 --> 01:18:06,183 We know he's in there. 1945 01:18:08,977 --> 01:18:10,103 It's over. 1946 01:18:10,771 --> 01:18:12,064 The jig is up. 1947 01:18:17,319 --> 01:18:18,612 Hey. 1948 01:18:19,821 --> 01:18:21,156 He's dead. 1949 01:18:22,199 --> 01:18:24,993 (INTRO TO MARILYN MANSON'S THE BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE PLAYING) 1950 01:18:25,619 --> 01:18:27,412 1951 01:18:29,164 --> 01:18:30,665 And I don't want ya 1952 01:18:30,749 --> 01:18:32,209 - And I don't need ya - (LOWERS VOLUME) 1953 01:18:32,459 --> 01:18:34,294 (HEART BEATING) 1954 01:18:36,755 --> 01:18:39,966 - (TURNS VOLUME UP HIGH) - Hey, you, what do ya see? 1955 01:18:40,217 --> 01:18:41,760 Something beautiful 1956 01:18:41,843 --> 01:18:43,762 Or something free? 1957 01:18:52,270 --> 01:18:53,355 RUIZ: You ladies are lucky. 1958 01:18:54,439 --> 01:18:55,816 This man is very dangerous. 1959 01:18:56,066 --> 01:18:58,276 This guy robbed a jewelry store and killed a security guard. 1960 01:18:58,652 --> 01:19:00,821 - Lot of people looking for him. - ALICE: Oh, my God. What? 1961 01:19:00,904 --> 01:19:02,364 Mmm-hmm. Yeah. He was on the run. 1962 01:19:02,697 --> 01:19:03,949 Probably came here looking for cover. 1963 01:19:04,074 --> 01:19:06,076 Sir, I'm... I'm sorry. 1964 01:19:06,284 --> 01:19:09,329 Um, foreigner here. Just sort of want to be clear on the local law. 1965 01:19:09,413 --> 01:19:10,831 So, are we 1966 01:19:11,331 --> 01:19:13,834 sort of, like, no longer in trouble? 1967 01:19:14,000 --> 01:19:15,127 (SMACKS LIPS) 1968 01:19:15,210 --> 01:19:16,837 Sounds like self-defense to me, right? 1969 01:19:17,295 --> 01:19:18,380 FRAZIER: Oh, yeah, no, DA's not gonna want to 1970 01:19:18,463 --> 01:19:20,507 press any charges on something like this. You're good. 1971 01:19:21,299 --> 01:19:22,759 - Oh, my God. - No, you're kidding. 1972 01:19:22,843 --> 01:19:25,387 - (SQUEALING) Oh, my God! - Are you shitting me? 1973 01:19:25,470 --> 01:19:27,264 Oh, my God! 1974 01:19:27,973 --> 01:19:29,891 - Oh, my God! - Oh, my God! 1975 01:19:29,975 --> 01:19:31,393 (HAPPY SHOUTING, CHATTER, LAUGHTER) 1976 01:19:31,476 --> 01:19:36,064 We're heroes! We're heroes. We're American heroes. 1977 01:19:36,148 --> 01:19:38,024 - PIPPA: Thank you, universe. - Jesus! 1978 01:19:38,150 --> 01:19:41,111 (CHATTER, SHOUTING, LAUGHING CONTINUE) 1979 01:19:41,445 --> 01:19:44,197 - (PIPPA SINGING) - We killed a guy! And it was right! 1980 01:19:44,656 --> 01:19:46,700 We were right to kill him! 1981 01:19:46,867 --> 01:19:49,035 - (PIPPA CONTINUES SINGING) - Fuck, yeah! 1982 01:19:51,037 --> 01:19:52,289 (SHOWER RUNNING) 1983 01:19:52,372 --> 01:19:53,498 Jess. 1984 01:19:53,748 --> 01:19:55,876 Hey, Jess. We're not going to jail. 1985 01:19:56,209 --> 01:19:59,880 I still might be, for unrelated things, but you're not, you're safe. 1986 01:20:00,797 --> 01:20:02,048 Jess? 1987 01:20:03,800 --> 01:20:06,720 You should've seen us at the beginning. We were like Squabble City. 1988 01:20:06,803 --> 01:20:07,888 We didn't like each other. 1989 01:20:07,971 --> 01:20:10,682 Now I can't get her away from me. And I don't want to. 1990 01:20:10,765 --> 01:20:12,684 Did he happen to mention the diamonds? 1991 01:20:12,976 --> 01:20:14,978 Um, no, I think I would have remembered that. 1992 01:20:15,061 --> 01:20:16,480 He didn't say much of anything. 1993 01:20:17,439 --> 01:20:21,526 Ladies, it's... It's really important that you try to remember any details. 1994 01:20:21,693 --> 01:20:23,278 He was cis male. 1995 01:20:24,070 --> 01:20:28,450 Looked like he could, like, wash his car as a hobby activity. 1996 01:20:28,700 --> 01:20:30,494 RUIZ: Okay. ALICE: Oh, and he did have 1997 01:20:30,577 --> 01:20:31,828 this, like, deep "V." 1998 01:20:31,995 --> 01:20:36,166 Sort of like two large snakes pointing down to a penis. 1999 01:20:36,541 --> 01:20:38,043 This is a big house. 2000 01:20:38,210 --> 01:20:39,920 Any place he might've been able to stash something? 2001 01:20:40,212 --> 01:20:44,466 Well, we did clean the entire house and never came across his coat or phone, 2002 01:20:44,549 --> 01:20:45,842 so it's definitely a possibility. 2003 01:20:45,926 --> 01:20:47,093 Tampon! 2004 01:20:47,302 --> 01:20:48,720 - What? - PIPPA: Blair. 2005 01:20:48,929 --> 01:20:51,556 - What? - I need a tampon. 2006 01:20:51,973 --> 01:20:53,808 I thought you use David cups. (CHUCKLES) 2007 01:20:53,975 --> 01:20:55,477 - Yeah. - No, never. 2008 01:20:55,560 --> 01:20:59,314 Fuck off. Only tampons, the best of tampons! 2009 01:20:59,523 --> 01:21:01,358 You took them from us. 2010 01:21:01,691 --> 01:21:04,110 - What? - And locked them in there, 2011 01:21:04,236 --> 01:21:06,863 - and you have the key. - What are you talking about? 2012 01:21:06,947 --> 01:21:09,199 I didn't lock away our tampons. I locked away our... 2013 01:21:09,824 --> 01:21:11,743 Uh... (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) 2014 01:21:12,244 --> 01:21:14,955 Are we on the same page, Blair? 2015 01:21:15,497 --> 01:21:16,915 - Yes. - (WHISTLES) Yo, yo. 2016 01:21:17,040 --> 01:21:18,959 Lady, you want to get your friend a tampon or whatever? 2017 01:21:19,834 --> 01:21:23,338 Okay. One tampon coming up. 2018 01:21:23,421 --> 01:21:24,506 Okay... 2019 01:21:24,589 --> 01:21:26,132 Just be right back with that. (CHUCKLES) 2020 01:21:26,383 --> 01:21:28,176 Well, I'm not on my period. 2021 01:21:28,718 --> 01:21:30,220 It's good to know. Thanks. 2022 01:21:34,057 --> 01:21:35,559 Key. 2023 01:21:36,351 --> 01:21:39,020 - Shit. Shit. - (SOFT GROANING) 2024 01:21:40,438 --> 01:21:41,648 Shh... 2025 01:21:43,316 --> 01:21:44,693 (SCREAMING) 2026 01:21:45,026 --> 01:21:46,194 Quiet, be quiet, be quiet. 2027 01:21:46,278 --> 01:21:47,737 - I just need to get my phone, okay? - (SCREAMS) 2028 01:21:47,821 --> 01:21:48,989 - What the fuck is that? - What's that? 2029 01:21:49,072 --> 01:21:50,198 Nothing. It's... I don't know. 2030 01:21:50,490 --> 01:21:53,285 - What the fuck was that? - This guy, it's another thing. 2031 01:21:53,660 --> 01:21:55,078 - There's more people here? - FRANKIE: The real stripper. 2032 01:21:55,161 --> 01:21:56,913 - Yeah. That's the real stripper in there. - The actual guy... 2033 01:21:58,039 --> 01:22:00,125 - I just need to get to my phone. - Get back! Get back! 2034 01:22:00,542 --> 01:22:03,503 - I will not be your drug mule! - What? Shh! Stop. Stop. Stop. 2035 01:22:03,753 --> 01:22:05,338 - You better get back. Yeah. - Stop. Shh! 2036 01:22:06,339 --> 01:22:09,217 Breaking news and some updated information for everybody. 2037 01:22:09,301 --> 01:22:11,553 These assailants are armed and they're dangerous. 2038 01:22:11,636 --> 01:22:12,637 PIPPA: No, it's nothing, that's... 2039 01:22:12,721 --> 01:22:13,763 So if you're inside your home, 2040 01:22:13,847 --> 01:22:15,765 make sure your windows and your doors are locked. 2041 01:22:16,266 --> 01:22:18,935 - Hey, Blondie! Come here! - No, no, no, no, no, no, no. 2042 01:22:19,060 --> 01:22:20,687 - Shh. - (GASPING) 2043 01:22:21,521 --> 01:22:23,565 - Oh, the tampon. - Yeah, I know. 2044 01:22:23,648 --> 01:22:25,358 That's what I was... I was using the code. 2045 01:22:25,650 --> 01:22:27,611 - I just want to get my real estate license! - Shut up. 2046 01:22:27,986 --> 01:22:29,237 - Freeze! - (SCREAMS) 2047 01:22:29,571 --> 01:22:31,489 Shut the fuck up! Don't move! 2048 01:22:31,948 --> 01:22:34,868 What the hell's going on here? Come on. Let's go, move it. Let's go, tough guy. 2049 01:22:36,786 --> 01:22:39,831 Everyone in America really does have a gun! 2050 01:22:40,498 --> 01:22:42,542 FRAZIER: Let's go! Come on. You, too. Move it. 2051 01:22:43,835 --> 01:22:45,629 - Oh, my God. - RUIZ: Playtime's over. 2052 01:22:45,712 --> 01:22:47,672 - We want those fucking diamonds now. - FRANKIE: Look. 2053 01:22:48,381 --> 01:22:49,591 I know you're mad at the 1%. 2054 01:22:49,716 --> 01:22:52,135 - I am, too. - What? Shut up! 2055 01:22:52,218 --> 01:22:54,054 - Tie them up now. - Let's go! 2056 01:22:54,137 --> 01:22:55,597 (GROANING) 2057 01:23:01,936 --> 01:23:03,063 (SIGHS) 2058 01:23:06,358 --> 01:23:07,359 (SIGHS) 2059 01:23:09,569 --> 01:23:11,905 2060 01:23:15,325 --> 01:23:16,701 (SIGHS HEAVILY) 2061 01:23:16,868 --> 01:23:17,952 ALICE: Jess, 2062 01:23:18,036 --> 01:23:21,164 when I was growing up, I didn't really have many friends. 2063 01:23:21,456 --> 01:23:24,292 And when I left for college, my mom was worried about me. 2064 01:23:24,459 --> 01:23:25,877 And so was I. 2065 01:23:25,960 --> 01:23:28,380 But then we met, and the first night we went out, 2066 01:23:28,463 --> 01:23:30,340 you didn't introduce me to people as your roommate, 2067 01:23:30,423 --> 01:23:32,217 you introduced me as your friend. 2068 01:23:32,300 --> 01:23:34,427 And I knew everything was gonna be okay. 2069 01:23:34,803 --> 01:23:36,221 When I went home that summer 2070 01:23:36,346 --> 01:23:38,473 and I showed my mom the photos of us hanging out, 2071 01:23:38,807 --> 01:23:40,433 she was so happy. 2072 01:23:40,975 --> 01:23:44,562 She doesn't always recognize me anymore, but when I show her those old photos, 2073 01:23:44,646 --> 01:23:47,899 she says to me, "That's my daughter with all her friends." 2074 01:23:48,566 --> 01:23:50,193 That's how she remembers me. 2075 01:23:50,694 --> 01:23:51,986 Thanks to you. 2076 01:23:52,070 --> 01:23:54,781 I can't wait to show her all the photos from this weekend. 2077 01:23:55,281 --> 01:23:58,618 You were there for me, and I will always be here for you. 2078 01:23:59,035 --> 01:24:00,453 Love, Alice. 2079 01:24:00,662 --> 01:24:04,666 P. S. There are some wet wipes in here, because I ordered an ice cream cake 2080 01:24:04,749 --> 01:24:07,043 and I know you have issues with dairy. 2081 01:24:07,127 --> 01:24:08,670 Smiliest face. 2082 01:24:09,671 --> 01:24:11,673 (RUIZ SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY) 2083 01:24:15,009 --> 01:24:18,179 RUIZ: Come here. Let's go. Come here. SCOTTY: They found me on Craigslist. 2084 01:24:18,263 --> 01:24:20,181 I'm not even with them! 2085 01:24:20,640 --> 01:24:21,975 FRAZIER: God damn it. 2086 01:24:23,268 --> 01:24:24,394 (QUIETLY) Oh, shit. 2087 01:24:25,186 --> 01:24:26,479 FRAZIER: Jay double-crossed us, 2088 01:24:26,938 --> 01:24:28,606 and he took off with our score. 2089 01:24:29,315 --> 01:24:30,442 So, tell me, 2090 01:24:30,817 --> 01:24:33,111 - where'd he put it? - I told you, we don't know. 2091 01:24:33,361 --> 01:24:37,282 Sir, I could wire you $50,00 right now if you just let us go, okay? 2092 01:24:37,365 --> 01:24:39,743 Whoa, whoa, whoa. 5, 00 what? 2093 01:24:40,160 --> 01:24:42,245 There's over $2 million worth of diamonds in this house, 2094 01:24:42,328 --> 01:24:43,747 and I am going to find them. 2095 01:24:44,998 --> 01:24:46,916 - You shoot anyone who moves. - (BLAIR CRYING) 2096 01:24:47,208 --> 01:24:48,668 - Oh, my God. - SCOTTY: Please. 2097 01:24:48,752 --> 01:24:50,128 (SCOTTY CRYING) 2098 01:24:50,754 --> 01:24:52,172 (WOMEN SOBBING) 2099 01:25:03,308 --> 01:25:05,351 (PANTING) 2100 01:25:13,693 --> 01:25:14,986 (BOTTLE CLATTERS TO FLOOR AND ROLLS) 2101 01:25:25,413 --> 01:25:26,623 Fuck! 2102 01:25:26,748 --> 01:25:28,416 Damn it! Fuck! 2103 01:25:30,627 --> 01:25:32,670 Don't make a fucking sound or I will kill you. 2104 01:25:41,971 --> 01:25:43,014 What? 2105 01:25:43,348 --> 01:25:45,016 Handcuff yourself to the sink. 2106 01:25:45,350 --> 01:25:47,143 - Fuck you. - Now. 2107 01:25:48,728 --> 01:25:50,104 (PANTING) Okay. Okay. 2108 01:25:55,819 --> 01:25:57,237 (HANDCUFFS CLICKING) 2109 01:26:01,991 --> 01:26:03,493 2110 01:26:04,786 --> 01:26:06,079 What the fuck? 2111 01:26:17,215 --> 01:26:19,384 No... (MUFFLED SHOUTING) 2112 01:26:25,974 --> 01:26:28,393 RUIZ: You don't know anything, huh? Well, that smells like bullshit. 2113 01:26:28,726 --> 01:26:30,228 Hurry up, man! 2114 01:26:30,937 --> 01:26:32,438 Do I look stupid to you? 2115 01:26:32,897 --> 01:26:36,359 You expect me to believe that you killed Jay by accident? 2116 01:26:37,235 --> 01:26:39,028 That's a bad accident. (CHUCKLES) 2117 01:26:39,612 --> 01:26:41,406 It's a big fucking accident. 2118 01:26:41,489 --> 01:26:43,324 (GASPING BREATHS) 2119 01:26:45,368 --> 01:26:47,287 RUIZ: I am about to lose my fucking shit. 2120 01:26:47,370 --> 01:26:48,705 Jay's dead, and you expect me to believe 2121 01:26:48,788 --> 01:26:50,540 that you guys don't know anything? Hmm? 2122 01:26:50,665 --> 01:26:53,084 New plan. You're gonna watch each other die, 2123 01:26:53,167 --> 01:26:54,836 until one of you opens your fucking mouth! 2124 01:26:55,461 --> 01:26:57,505 - And I'm gonna start with you. - No! 2125 01:26:57,839 --> 01:26:59,716 - ALICE: Oh, God. - I love you, Frankie. 2126 01:27:00,300 --> 01:27:01,718 FRANKIE: I love you, too. 2127 01:27:05,221 --> 01:27:06,306 (OTHERS GASPING) 2128 01:27:07,056 --> 01:27:08,808 ALL: Jess! Jess! 2129 01:27:08,975 --> 01:27:10,977 Yes! 2130 01:27:11,102 --> 01:27:12,729 (OVERLAPPING SHOUTING) 2131 01:27:15,648 --> 01:27:16,900 - Not her beautiful face! - Come on, Jess! 2132 01:27:17,317 --> 01:27:18,568 (JESS GRUNTS) 2133 01:27:20,236 --> 01:27:21,404 (PANTING) 2134 01:27:21,487 --> 01:27:22,530 Whoa. 2135 01:27:22,614 --> 01:27:23,948 - You perv! - Come on. 2136 01:27:24,949 --> 01:27:25,909 No, hey, hey, hey! 2137 01:27:25,992 --> 01:27:27,035 - (FIERCE GRUNTING) - Ow! Ow! 2138 01:27:27,285 --> 01:27:28,703 You guys! The gun! 2139 01:27:30,079 --> 01:27:32,290 Shimmy. Shimmy, shimmy, shimmy, shimmy. 2140 01:27:36,210 --> 01:27:37,921 Okay. Okay. 2141 01:27:38,004 --> 01:27:39,672 (GRUNTS, GROANS) 2142 01:27:41,507 --> 01:27:42,592 - Right there. - PIPPA: Okay. Yeah. 2143 01:27:42,675 --> 01:27:43,843 - One. - FRANKIE: Two. 2144 01:27:44,010 --> 01:27:45,219 - Three! - PIPPA: Okay. 2145 01:27:45,303 --> 01:27:46,846 Oh, God. Squat. 2146 01:27:47,430 --> 01:27:49,223 ALICE: Oh, God. Oh, God. BLAIR: Do you have it? 2147 01:27:49,307 --> 01:27:51,351 ALICE: Yes. 2148 01:27:54,854 --> 01:27:56,105 (GROANS) 2149 01:27:56,606 --> 01:27:57,815 Point me in his direction. 2150 01:28:02,862 --> 01:28:05,198 I don't have a shot! Your leg is in the way! 2151 01:28:05,698 --> 01:28:07,492 - No, no. Please. - Up! 2152 01:28:07,575 --> 01:28:08,910 JESS: No, please. 2153 01:28:10,036 --> 01:28:12,080 - (GROANS) - (GASPS) 2154 01:28:12,163 --> 01:28:13,373 I shot a guy! 2155 01:28:13,748 --> 01:28:16,084 - SCOTTY: Yes! - I killed another person. 2156 01:28:16,751 --> 01:28:18,628 You fucking... 2157 01:28:19,462 --> 01:28:20,505 - (CHEERING) - ALL: Yes! 2158 01:28:23,341 --> 01:28:25,301 Oh, my God, you guys! 2159 01:28:26,386 --> 01:28:27,428 That was awesome. 2160 01:28:27,512 --> 01:28:29,263 - Alice, I'm so sorry. - No, I'm sorry. 2161 01:28:29,347 --> 01:28:31,975 No. I said things that I didn't mean. 2162 01:28:32,517 --> 01:28:34,602 I think it was just the stress of killing somebody 2163 01:28:34,686 --> 01:28:36,521 and then trying to dispose of his body. 2164 01:28:36,980 --> 01:28:38,147 - Wait, what? - ALICE: Totally. 2165 01:28:38,231 --> 01:28:39,732 - That's a hard thing. - Yeah, you're right. 2166 01:28:40,024 --> 01:28:41,067 I have changed. 2167 01:28:41,234 --> 01:28:43,194 I thought that I was making people's lives better, 2168 01:28:43,277 --> 01:28:46,239 but I forgot about the people that make my life better, and that's you guys. 2169 01:28:46,531 --> 01:28:48,616 - And I love you, and I'm sorry. - FRANKIE: We love you, too. 2170 01:28:48,700 --> 01:28:49,742 - We love you, too. - We love you. 2171 01:28:49,826 --> 01:28:51,995 - We love you, Jess! - ALICE: I'm sorry, too. 2172 01:28:52,245 --> 01:28:54,205 And you know what? I know that I'm a lot. 2173 01:28:54,288 --> 01:28:57,041 And you were right, I need to stop living in the past 2174 01:28:57,166 --> 01:28:59,419 - and get a hobby, you know? - Well, it could help, right? 2175 01:28:59,502 --> 01:29:01,671 Next time we see each other, we can make new memories 2176 01:29:01,754 --> 01:29:03,923 instead of just talking about the old ones. 2177 01:29:04,007 --> 01:29:05,925 Um, these zip ties are really starting to hurt. 2178 01:29:06,009 --> 01:29:07,593 And I'm sorry about Peter, okay? 2179 01:29:07,677 --> 01:29:10,304 He does not suck. You should totally marry him. 2180 01:29:10,388 --> 01:29:12,348 - Well, I will. - Good. You should. 2181 01:29:12,557 --> 01:29:15,184 I mean, I had a sex dream about him, and I didn't even tell you. 2182 01:29:15,268 --> 01:29:16,477 No, you actually did tell me. 2183 01:29:16,561 --> 01:29:18,521 - You told everybody. - You started a group text. 2184 01:29:18,813 --> 01:29:20,231 It started with him brushing my hair... 2185 01:29:20,314 --> 01:29:21,607 You know what? I'm gonna untie you guys now. 2186 01:29:21,816 --> 01:29:22,859 - Awesome. - Yeah. Okay, great. 2187 01:29:22,984 --> 01:29:24,569 - Here, give me the gun. - It was morning... 2188 01:29:24,652 --> 01:29:26,112 - FRAZIER: Drop the gun! - (ALL GASP) 2189 01:29:26,571 --> 01:29:28,239 - Drop it. - Damn it. 2190 01:29:30,575 --> 01:29:33,953 The keys were taped to the handcuffs, you fucking idiot. 2191 01:29:35,455 --> 01:29:36,873 You're all dead. All of you. 2192 01:29:36,956 --> 01:29:38,750 - No. No, Jess. - FRAZIER: Yeah. 2193 01:29:39,125 --> 01:29:41,794 - Oh, really? Come on. Whatever. - (HAMMER COCKS) 2194 01:29:42,045 --> 01:29:44,213 (ALL SCREAMING) 2195 01:29:44,881 --> 01:29:46,632 - What? What? What? - (GASPING) 2196 01:29:47,508 --> 01:29:48,634 What? 2197 01:29:52,680 --> 01:29:54,849 - Oh, my God! - Is that Peter? 2198 01:29:55,433 --> 01:29:56,934 (SPEAKING SPANISH) 2199 01:29:59,187 --> 01:30:00,688 FRANKIE: Oh, my God. Is he... 2200 01:30:00,813 --> 01:30:01,898 (ALL GASP) 2201 01:30:01,981 --> 01:30:03,691 - Peter! - You guys, what's happening back there? 2202 01:30:03,775 --> 01:30:04,776 I can't see. 2203 01:30:06,319 --> 01:30:08,362 - Peter? Peter. - Hmm? 2204 01:30:08,446 --> 01:30:09,614 Peter. 2205 01:30:09,781 --> 01:30:11,616 - Jess. - Are you okay? 2206 01:30:12,575 --> 01:30:14,368 (WHINING) Do you not like my dick? 2207 01:30:15,161 --> 01:30:16,204 What? 2208 01:30:16,329 --> 01:30:18,164 Does it bend weird when it gets hard, or, like... 2209 01:30:18,456 --> 01:30:20,917 - I don't know, is it... - What? No, I love it. 2210 01:30:21,375 --> 01:30:22,752 So, you still want to get married? 2211 01:30:23,252 --> 01:30:27,423 (LAUGHING) Yes. More than ever I want to get married. I love you. 2212 01:30:28,758 --> 01:30:29,884 I want that. 2213 01:30:31,094 --> 01:30:32,345 Peter... 2214 01:30:32,845 --> 01:30:35,598 Let's just get married. Let's get married this weekend. 2215 01:30:35,681 --> 01:30:37,266 Well, what about the campaign? Didn't you want to wait 2216 01:30:37,350 --> 01:30:38,559 till after the election, and... 2217 01:30:38,643 --> 01:30:41,395 I don't want to wait. Everyone I love is right here. 2218 01:30:41,771 --> 01:30:43,064 - That's all that matters. - Oh. 2219 01:30:43,189 --> 01:30:44,273 What about your parents? 2220 01:30:44,357 --> 01:30:46,317 Oh, my parents aren't gonna care. They eloped. 2221 01:30:46,859 --> 01:30:49,195 I mean, my mom did say to lock that down as soon as possible. 2222 01:30:49,904 --> 01:30:51,656 - She did? - She loves you. 2223 01:30:52,406 --> 01:30:54,325 - I love you. Let's do it. - Let's do it. 2224 01:30:54,826 --> 01:30:56,536 FRANKIE: Yes! 2225 01:30:56,619 --> 01:30:58,246 Oh, I have the perfect place. 2226 01:30:58,454 --> 01:31:00,081 2227 01:31:01,624 --> 01:31:05,461 Do you, Jessica, take Peter to be your husband? 2228 01:31:06,129 --> 01:31:07,255 I do. 2229 01:31:07,839 --> 01:31:11,801 And do you, Peter, take Jessica to be your wife? 2230 01:31:12,260 --> 01:31:13,636 I definitely do. 2231 01:31:14,303 --> 01:31:15,930 - (LONG EXHALE) - (SOBBING CONTINUES) 2232 01:31:16,889 --> 01:31:18,850 Now, by the power vested in me 2233 01:31:19,725 --> 01:31:22,728 by GetOrdainedNow.net, 2234 01:31:23,104 --> 01:31:25,106 I pronounce you husband and wife. 2235 01:31:25,189 --> 01:31:26,858 You may kiss the groom. 2236 01:31:26,941 --> 01:31:28,317 (ALL CHEERING) 2237 01:31:28,609 --> 01:31:30,736 (WEDDING MARCH PLAYING WITH DANCE BEAT) 2238 01:31:32,488 --> 01:31:35,158 So glad I didn't sell our passes to the foam party. 2239 01:31:35,241 --> 01:31:36,242 - Yeah! - Right? 2240 01:31:39,328 --> 01:31:41,289 2241 01:31:48,087 --> 01:31:50,006 So, you guys are just not in trouble? 2242 01:31:50,464 --> 01:31:52,550 No, we're, like, completely free. 2243 01:31:53,134 --> 01:31:56,554 We've committed what in Florida is known as a "good murder." 2244 01:31:56,846 --> 01:31:58,764 That's a direct quote from the Miami PD. 2245 01:31:58,848 --> 01:32:04,020 So, not only do we not have to go to jail, but we got a sick coupon 2246 01:32:04,353 --> 01:32:06,063 to Romano's Macaroni Grill. 2247 01:32:06,522 --> 01:32:09,025 - Do you want to dance, Pippa? - Yeah, okay. 2248 01:32:09,233 --> 01:32:11,152 But call me Kiwi, okay? 2249 01:32:11,277 --> 01:32:12,778 All my best friends do. 2250 01:32:16,490 --> 01:32:17,992 - Hey. - ALICE: Hi. 2251 01:32:18,075 --> 01:32:20,870 - Can I get you a drink? - Oh. Um... 2252 01:32:21,746 --> 01:32:22,788 No. 2253 01:32:23,164 --> 01:32:25,458 'Cause I'm on a date with someone else, so... 2254 01:32:26,542 --> 01:32:28,211 - Hey. - TOBEY: Hot. 2255 01:32:28,461 --> 01:32:30,129 You're a hot guy. Cool. 2256 01:32:34,091 --> 01:32:35,176 - Here you go. - Oh. 2257 01:32:36,636 --> 01:32:38,012 (GASPS) Oh, my God. 2258 01:32:39,013 --> 01:32:41,766 Has anyone ever told you how beautiful your feet are? 2259 01:32:43,893 --> 01:32:45,645 No one's ever said that to me before. 2260 01:32:46,270 --> 01:32:48,439 You should've been told that a million times. 2261 01:32:49,857 --> 01:32:51,484 BOTH: Do you want to... 2262 01:32:51,567 --> 01:32:52,735 - Fuck? - Fuck? 2263 01:32:53,361 --> 01:32:55,196 Hey. 2264 01:32:55,905 --> 01:32:57,073 Keep it moving. We're a thing. 2265 01:32:58,532 --> 01:32:59,867 Love wins. 2266 01:33:00,826 --> 01:33:01,994 What'd you just say? 2267 01:33:02,787 --> 01:33:05,414 I don't know. I mean, who knows if it will work out? 2268 01:33:05,498 --> 01:33:08,084 And I don't know how you're gonna get to New York. I guess hitchhike, but... 2269 01:33:08,376 --> 01:33:10,711 I already have my bags packed, actually, so... 2270 01:33:10,836 --> 01:33:13,798 - (LAUGHS) - Well, just 'cause I'm between places... 2271 01:33:14,507 --> 01:33:15,967 Shut up. 2272 01:33:18,844 --> 01:33:20,471 Yeah, yeah. 2273 01:33:21,013 --> 01:33:22,515 Okay. Yeah. 2274 01:33:22,598 --> 01:33:24,016 Babe. It's for you. 2275 01:33:25,184 --> 01:33:27,061 - Hello? - Jess, it's me. 2276 01:33:27,144 --> 01:33:30,231 That story about you and your friends taking out those criminals is everywhere! 2277 01:33:30,314 --> 01:33:32,483 Okay? We're getting donations and volunteers. 2278 01:33:32,566 --> 01:33:35,528 - What? - Jess, you're gonna win this thing. 2279 01:33:35,611 --> 01:33:37,446 Are you serious? That's amazing. 2280 01:33:37,655 --> 01:33:39,448 Yeah, we're getting a ton of media requests. 2281 01:33:39,532 --> 01:33:41,534 Okay, Good Morning America, Ellen. 2282 01:33:41,826 --> 01:33:45,162 Okay, you have to get back here right now. I'm gonna get you out on the next flight. 2283 01:33:45,246 --> 01:33:46,706 Do you prefer window or aisle? 2284 01:33:46,789 --> 01:33:48,708 I'm more of a middle seat guy myself, but... 2285 01:33:48,791 --> 01:33:50,835 You know what? I'm actually getting married. 2286 01:33:50,918 --> 01:33:53,421 But, um, I'll be there first thing Monday morning. 2287 01:33:53,504 --> 01:33:55,881 RAVIV: You're getting married? Jess, I'm in love with you. 2288 01:33:57,049 --> 01:33:58,384 - Take a picture of us? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. 2289 01:33:58,467 --> 01:33:59,593 Cool! 2290 01:33:59,677 --> 01:34:00,678 (BLAIR CLEARS THROAT) 2291 01:34:00,761 --> 01:34:02,555 - I love you guys. - We love you. 2292 01:34:03,222 --> 01:34:04,265 - Three. - (CLICK) 2293 01:34:04,348 --> 01:34:06,225 2294 01:34:06,309 --> 01:34:07,643 ALICE: Can I see? 2295 01:34:08,144 --> 01:34:09,478 JESS: Um... 2296 01:34:09,562 --> 01:34:11,230 - No. - ALICE: My arm looks too thick. 2297 01:34:11,314 --> 01:34:13,232 (ALL COMPLAINING) 2298 01:34:13,316 --> 01:34:14,567 - PETER: Another one? - One more. 2299 01:34:14,650 --> 01:34:15,860 Okay, okay, okay. 2300 01:34:16,736 --> 01:34:17,903 (CLICK) 2301 01:34:20,489 --> 01:34:21,782 JESS: Ooh. I love it. ALICE: That, I love. 2302 01:34:21,949 --> 01:34:24,493 JESS: Alice, you can tag me. ALICE: Finally. 2303 01:34:28,205 --> 01:34:30,082 WOMAN: (SINGING) We are what 2304 01:34:30,166 --> 01:34:32,293 These days we only follow 2305 01:34:32,376 --> 01:34:34,837 These days we're feeling hollow 2306 01:34:34,920 --> 01:34:37,715 Get paid, the only motto 2307 01:34:38,341 --> 01:34:40,134 We are what 2308 01:34:40,217 --> 01:34:42,636 They say it all gets better 2309 01:34:42,720 --> 01:34:45,181 They say it won't last forever 2310 01:34:45,264 --> 01:34:47,892 Then someone pulls the trigger 2311 01:34:48,893 --> 01:34:51,145 We are what 2312 01:34:52,229 --> 01:34:54,982 The fame, the fame 2313 01:34:55,066 --> 01:34:57,193 I want to hear my name 2314 01:34:57,276 --> 01:34:59,278 But I don't care 2315 01:34:59,779 --> 01:35:02,198 What for 2316 01:35:02,782 --> 01:35:05,326 I'll change the world 2317 01:35:05,409 --> 01:35:07,870 Save all those trees and birds 2318 01:35:07,953 --> 01:35:10,122 But first I'll grab a Starbucks 2319 01:35:10,206 --> 01:35:11,999 Then I'll get to work 2320 01:35:12,750 --> 01:35:13,834 All on 2321 01:35:13,918 --> 01:35:15,544 Thank God it's the weekend 2322 01:35:15,628 --> 01:35:16,670 My squad 2323 01:35:16,754 --> 01:35:17,797 Got time, we can waste it 2324 01:35:17,880 --> 01:35:18,923 Don't know 2325 01:35:19,006 --> 01:35:22,468 Should we drive to the sunset or the fire? 2326 01:35:22,551 --> 01:35:23,594 It's like 2327 01:35:23,677 --> 01:35:24,970 We live in the bubble 2328 01:35:25,054 --> 01:35:27,390 Pretending it's 'cause we are young 2329 01:35:27,473 --> 01:35:29,392 We are what 2330 01:35:29,475 --> 01:35:31,644 These days we only follow 2331 01:35:31,727 --> 01:35:34,230 These days we're feeling hollow 2332 01:35:34,313 --> 01:35:36,649 Get paid, the only motto 2333 01:35:37,566 --> 01:35:39,485 We are what 2334 01:35:39,568 --> 01:35:41,862 They say it all gets better 2335 01:35:41,946 --> 01:35:44,532 They say it won't last forever 2336 01:35:44,615 --> 01:35:46,992 Then someone pulls the trigger 2337 01:35:48,285 --> 01:35:51,997 We've got hearts in the right places 2338 01:35:52,081 --> 01:35:55,918 But we're still a danger to ourselves 2339 01:35:56,001 --> 01:35:58,337 Maybe it's 'cause we are young 2340 01:35:58,421 --> 01:36:00,464 We are what 2341 01:36:04,301 --> 01:36:08,264 Congratulations to State Senator Jess Thayer! 2342 01:36:08,347 --> 01:36:09,432 (WHOOPING) 2343 01:36:09,515 --> 01:36:10,558 Thank you. 2344 01:36:10,683 --> 01:36:13,018 My number one boss bitch! Whoo! 2345 01:36:13,185 --> 01:36:15,354 (APPLAUSE STOPS) 2346 01:36:15,729 --> 01:36:19,150 And now to celebrate her win, we have a special request. 2347 01:36:19,483 --> 01:36:20,526 Me? 2348 01:36:21,402 --> 01:36:23,487 (APPLAUSE) 2349 01:36:23,696 --> 01:36:25,114 PIPPA: Thank you so much. 2350 01:36:25,489 --> 01:36:28,367 I actually have a surprise for all of you. Um... 2351 01:36:28,909 --> 01:36:30,619 I've written a song 2352 01:36:30,786 --> 01:36:34,290 that I hope can sort of encapsulate, 2353 01:36:34,582 --> 01:36:37,585 um, the bond of friendship that we all have. 2354 01:36:38,002 --> 01:36:40,296 And so, I want to play it for you now. 2355 01:36:41,922 --> 01:36:45,134 (SINGING) Sometimes 2356 01:36:46,093 --> 01:36:48,095 You kill a man 2357 01:36:49,180 --> 01:36:53,184 When he's taking off his clothes for you 2358 01:36:54,935 --> 01:36:57,354 You kill a man 2359 01:36:58,481 --> 01:37:01,358 You kill him with your friends 2360 01:37:01,525 --> 01:37:03,110 And he dies 2361 01:37:04,528 --> 01:37:06,906 Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh 2362 01:37:07,448 --> 01:37:08,574 (WHISPERS) Jesus, it's good. 2363 01:37:08,657 --> 01:37:10,868 (SINGING) Other times 2364 01:37:12,244 --> 01:37:14,830 When you kill a man 2365 01:37:15,164 --> 01:37:20,503 You need to toss his body in the ocean 2366 01:37:21,003 --> 01:37:23,255 And you don't care 2367 01:37:24,507 --> 01:37:28,969 'Cause your friends are there by your side 2368 01:37:30,554 --> 01:37:32,139 They make it fun 2369 01:37:33,641 --> 01:37:36,644 I love you, girls 2370 01:37:36,977 --> 01:37:38,062 I love you, Pippa! 2371 01:37:38,145 --> 01:37:40,147 We killed a man 2372 01:37:40,314 --> 01:37:42,942 We made a plan 2373 01:37:43,025 --> 01:37:45,819 You are my friends 2374 01:37:46,529 --> 01:37:49,073 And I'll never forget 2375 01:37:49,698 --> 01:37:52,284 This bachelorette 2376 01:37:53,118 --> 01:37:56,247 This bachelorette 2377 01:37:57,122 --> 01:37:58,874 (SONG ENDS) 2378 01:37:59,792 --> 01:38:00,960 That's the end. 2379 01:38:01,585 --> 01:38:03,295 2380 01:38:20,980 --> 01:38:22,731 2381 01:38:53,929 --> 01:38:56,015 2382 01:39:14,825 --> 01:39:16,952 ALICE: Do you guys want to come up? JESS: Um... 2383 01:39:17,119 --> 01:39:18,954 No, no, no. Don't come up. Don't come up. 2384 01:39:19,038 --> 01:39:21,707 - 'Cause I got to do stuff. - PETER: (CHUCKLES) What? 2385 01:39:21,874 --> 01:39:24,627 So, I will see you at Nussbaum's at 1:. 2386 01:39:24,752 --> 01:39:26,253 No, no. 12:3. 2387 01:39:26,587 --> 01:39:28,297 - JESS: Okay. - I don't want to get up. 2388 01:39:29,131 --> 01:39:30,633 Okay, you guys, go. Go, go, go. 2389 01:39:30,883 --> 01:39:32,801 We want to make sure that you get in okay. 2390 01:39:32,885 --> 01:39:35,346 - You're obsessed with me. (LAUGHS) - JESS: We love you. 2391 01:39:35,471 --> 01:39:36,847 I love you. 2392 01:39:46,565 --> 01:39:47,816 Bullshit. 2393 01:39:53,322 --> 01:39:54,490 (LAUGHING) Yes! 2394 01:39:55,574 --> 01:39:57,242 Whoo! Ah... 2395 01:40:00,746 --> 01:40:02,206 2396 01:40:11,423 --> 01:40:13,092 2397 01:40:22,351 --> 01:40:24,603 (CRUNCHING) 2397 01:40:25,305 --> 01:40:31,442 Watch more movies for free on www.FlixTor.to 179567

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