Original subtitles

Subtitle ReDone By---KingJAIN

[Whistles]

[Humming]

[Speaking arabic]

Arsenio hall!

Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo!

Team two take the prison. We get the villa.

Little sister, this is big brother, we are in the ballpark.

Assistant commander: Big brother, little sister. We're at the prison.

[Dog barking]

[Dog burps]

[Growling]

Little sister, this is big brother.

Are you in position?

Big brother, little sister.

Affirmative. Attack in 30.

Starting now.

[Vacuum running]

[Sucking]

Ahh... ahh... ooh.

6...

5... 4...

3... 2...

It's an ambush.

Alka seltzer!

Whoa!

Aah! Aah! Aah!

Big brother, where are you?

[Yelling in arabic]

Surrender, yankee infidels, you have no chance.

Off to prison, American satans.

[Automatic gunfire]

[Screaming in arabic]

Good evening. Americans were shocked today

by the announcement of the failure

of yet another mission

to rescue our hostages from the middle east.

Informed sources reveal that the rescue team itself has been captured

and added to those already being held.

Preliminary reports also indicate

that an attempt on the life of a terrorist dictator

was thwarted at the same time.

With the presidential election just 10 days away...

This could be a setback for the white house.

Presidential challenger senator Gray Edwards

campaigning in Chattanooga

commented on the failed mission.

No no no, this is no time for partisan politics.

Bringing our people home

should be the nation's number one priority.

Despite this current crisis

the president is putting on his best political face.

Continuing on his campaign schedule

Benson's 20-point lead in the polls 6 months ago

has plummeted since the hostage crisis began.

A CNN/Victoria's secret catalog poll

now has the president and Edwards running neck and neck.

This afternoon, Benson made a brief stop

in Fergus falls, Virginia

for the groundbreaking of his presidential library.

The five living former chief executives...

Presidents Bush, Reagan, Carter, Ford, and Nixon...

Were on hand for this groundbreaking ceremony.

White house correspondent Jeri Kelter

reports on this historic moment.

The library is to be built adjacent

to the Fergus falls civic center.

President Benson made no statements

as he went about his business. - Oh! My knee!

Publicly, it seemed as though he was unaware

of the political blow he had been dealt.

Privately, aides marveled at his spirit

as he performed his usual morning routine

by milking the white house goats

and finishing a second helping of grapefruit and creamed corn.

Tonight, the president and his top advisors

will be burning the midnight oil.

Sabotage.

My god, man, what does it mean?

We have to tighten security, sir...

Find out who's behind it.

No, no, no. The word "sabotage." What's it mean?

It means someone's trying to subvert our mission. Sir,

one of our own people

could be working with the enemy.

- Come in.

Mr. President.

Oh, Jesus! Don't you ever ever sneak up on me like that again.

What is it, Bob?

If Edwards gets wind of this

he'll use it against you in the campaign.

He'll try to prove you're incompetent.

I can prove that as well as he can.

Mr. President, the CIA can't afford another failure.

We want to send colonel Walters to get our people out.

And to insure the mission's success, we'll need topper Harley.

We've located him in the far east.

Topper Harley.

We've served together before, sir. There's no one better.

- Cookie? - Not me, sir.

- Young lady? - No, thank you.

No, no, I was just offering him a young lady.

Oh, yeah, topper Harley.

Good. I love the boy. Kid's got guts.

There isn't a fighting man on this planet that can...

Gotcha! Listening at the door, huh?

Well, Walters, looks like we've got our saboteur.

That's your wife, sir.

Huh! Yeah, so it is.

Lavinia. You're looking as lovely as the day we met.

Find out what she knows.

As for you, get me topper Harley.

[Honking]

[Screaming and yelling]

Three. Three. Three.

Hmm.

[Man yells]

- [Crash] - [Woman yells]

Gummi bears! Gummi bears! Gummi bears!

Gummi bears! Gummi bears!

Sprinkles! Sprinkles!

Gummi bears! Gummi bears!

Sprinkles! Sprinkles!

[Speaking Thai]

Aisle 5, mezzanine, to your left.

Program! Get you program right here!

One pig snout sandwich.

Both fighters are starting to show serious signs of fatigue.

They aren't moving around the ring as much.They're walking around.

Hey, this is where your conditioning pays off.

Topper: Coochie-coochie-coo. Coochie-goo.

Woman's voice: You win!

Topper, topper, topper, topper...

Topper Harley!

Mmm.

Topper.

I don't believe it.

- Topper. - Colonel.

- Good to see you again. - Yeah, you too.

You want to tell me about it?

Well, they let me live here.

I help out fixing things.

It's peaceful. Quiet.

No one is allowed to talk.

And that dim sum fighting in the warehouse yesterday?

I just do that for the extra money.

And to satisfy my male cravings to kill and win.

Colonel, who are they?

She's CIA.

- The other man's an extra. - Ah.

What does she do?

Heads up covert operations in the middle east...

Reports directly to president Benson.

Topper: Colonel, these men have taken a supreme vow of celibacy.

Like their fathers and their fathers before them.

They haven't seen a woman in decades.

Walters: Miss Huddleston!

Ow! Ow! Ow!

This is Michelle huddleston.

Topper Harley.

Pleasure.

- You're sure not easy to find. - Why are you keeping track?

It's like the colonel says

Good men are hard to find.

I don't know how much you know about what went on after the last war...

But several of our men were missing in action.

Since then on two occasions we sent in squads to rescue those men.

Both missions failed.

Now we have to go in to get the men who went to get the men who went to get the men.

- My job is to make shure we dont fail again. - What's this got to do with me?

I'm going this time.

- We want you to go with him topper. - Why me, ma'am?

Because you're the best of what's left.

My war is over.

Mmm... ah!

This will cost you a few extra dollars...

But you'll make that back and more on your heating bill this winter.

Later we're gonna be caulking the ashram if you want to stop by.

Thanks, Bob.

This mission's important topper. We've got to take care of our people.

Come with me.

When are you gonna put ramada behind you?

- What are you talking about? - You say your war is over.

Maybe the one out there is, but not the one inside you.

You running away from the pain but it won't solve anything.

Because wherever you go, you take the pain with you.

You've come an awful long way to bring me a lecture haven't you colonel

I know you were hurt when that woman left...

But you're using that to hide from who you are.

- That was a long time ago. - Michelle: Thank you. Next!

I don't want it.

Nice butt.

Topper, let me tell you a little story.

It seems there were three bears.

And one morning when their porridge was too hot they went for a walk...

A little blond girl came skipping through the woods

and she ate their porridge and she sat in their chairs

and she slept in their beds.

And when those bears returned and discovered that mess...

- Do you know what happened then topper? - No.

That little blond girl got scared.

Ran away.

So, what you're saying is, that little blond girl is me.

If this is about me coloring my hair...

Topper, they didn't make you this fighting machine.

They just cooked up the porridge and went for a walk.

And you'll never stop running until you face your three bears.

Ramada.

Colonel.

I'm sorry.

It has to end for me sometime.

If you should change your mind

here's my 900 number.

It's $5.00 a minute. I'll waive the charges.

Walters: ...Your three bears.

Ramada. Ramada. Ramada.

If our lips should meet inamorata

Don corleone.

Kiss me, kiss me sweet inamorata

hold me close and say goodnight

with a love as warm as wine

I'm at heaven's door inamorata

want you more and more inamorata

you're a symphony

a very beautiful sonata my inamorata

say that you're my sweetheart my love

You're a symphony

a very beautiful sonata my inamorata

say that you're my sweetheart my love

hey, what's wrong, kid?

I love you so much.

But it's such a crazy world. I just don't want anything to happen to US.

Don't worry.

In a couple of days, we'll be on the train to Hawaii.

We'll find a minister who will marry US, and we'll never be apart again.

But if something should keep US apart?

If one of US can't make it to blenheim train station?

Like, for instance,

if something came up unexpectedly.

Not that I think it would. Or it already has.

Wherever I'll be, I want you to know that...

Kiss me.

Kiss me like you've never kissed me before.

You will denounce the criminal acts against our people by your president.

Sign here. Initial here, here, and here.

Phil!

(Groans)

Sign the document.

I see you're no stranger to pain.

I've been married.

- Twice. - Oy!

Like the previous six, this victim was found folded neatly in half

and placed inside the glove compartment of a sanitation truck.

Police are baffled.

This just in.

Presidential military adviser colonel denton Walters

has been captured during an aborted attempt to free our hostages.

This tape was delivered to US just moments ago.

They are treating me good here.

The food is tasty and nourishing.

The peace-loving leader of this great country

has asked me to appeal to you, president Benson...

To stop your vicious, imperialistic tactics around the globe.

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, please give a warm welcome

to his excellency, the Prime Minister of Japan

Mishahuru Soto and Mrs. Soto.

The President of the United States, Thomas Benson.

Mr. President, this is prime minister Mishahuru Soto and Mrs. Soto.

President Benson, where's your first lady?

Hell,i don't know. I've had lots of women. Lost my flower at the tender age of 15.

I can't keep track of all.

Let's get this over with. I'm not feeling so well today.

My intestines were removed during action in the north Atlantic.

Took a torpedo in the lower abdomen. And they replaced every foot of my bowel with hemp.

- Clogs easily. - I hope you feel better.

Well, my lips to yours.

Announcer: The junior senator from Minnesota, Gray Edwards.

President Benson, Prime Minister Soto,

ladies and gentlemen.

Tonight we put election politics aside as I join you

in my duties as majority whip and chairman of the foreign affairs committee

in welcoming the Japanese Prime Minister

and his lovely wife to these United States.

- Our two great nations have begun... - (Stomach rumbles)

...what we hope will be a long and successful dialogue.

(Vomits)

Ptooh!

- Announcer: Not only... - I don't remember eating that.

I feel better now. It's that raw fish odor.

It makes...

Oh, god.

Look at that! Those my teeth?

Announcer: Only to continue in the highest spirit...

Yeah. They're filthy!

And so I would like to propose a toast.

- Oh, thank you, yoko. - I'll take that, sir.

To world peace.

To a clean environment.

To Harmony with our planet and world prosperity.

Thank you.

Looking for a place to sit, lieutenant?

No. I need to speak the president. Can you arrange that?

- You'd be amazed what I can do. - It's my fault they got Walters.

I want to go in.

You showed up just in time. We're leaving in the morning.

Yos should know that I'm taking personal charge of this mission I hope you don't mind you mind working under a woman?

Announcer: And now, the president of the United States, Thomas Benson.

Prime minister tojo, senator Edwards,

my fellow Americans and our millions of illegal aliens.

It seems like only yesterday I was strafing of your homes.

And here I am today, begging you not to make such good cars.

Excuse me, just a second I need a glass of water.

Damn tongue's dry. It's not mine, you know.

Lost mine in Laos. Little commie lopped it off.

It's probably a doorstop somewhere. Got this one from a basset hound.

Blouden, get the car.

President Benson.

No, you're not.

I've seen him on television. He's an older man, about my height.

Sir, this is topper Harley.

Topper. Yes, of course. Son I never had.

Well, no damn wonder I didn't recognize you then.

Word of advice,don't go around calling yourself the president

I wouldn't do that and I don't think you should either, just doesn't hold water.

For that matter, neither do I. Let's get away from these power cables.

Sir, I'd like to join the next mission. God bless you, boy.

We're keeping this one on the qt.

We're calling it secret mission to go in and get Walters and our boys back.

Son, when you come back, I'm going to throw you wonderful guys a party

the likes of which you've never seen. And there should be plenty to eat.

I doubt more than half of you will return.

Thank you.

Got a light, lieutenant?

I quit smoking.

Besides, I don't think they allow it in here.

What are they gonna do, arrest me for smoking?

(Creaks)

- I know what to get you for Christmas. - Make it a thighmaster. I've broken my last three.

Really?

Let's go to my apartment and discuss our mission.

I'm putty in your hands.

In my hands, nothing turns to putty.

♫ tonight's the night we're gonna make it happen ♫

♫ tonight we'll put all other things aside ♫

♫ tonight we'll put all other things aside ♫

Hmm.

♫ give in this time and show me some affection ♫

[Scraping sound]

♫ we're going for those pleasures in the night ♫

[Honk]

♫I want to love you ♫

♫feel you ♫

♫ wrap myself around you ♫

♫I want to squeeze you ♫

♫please you ♫

♫I just can't get enough ♫

♫and if you move real slow ♫

♫I'll let it go ♫

♫I'm so excited ♫

♫and I just can't hide it ♫

Hmm.

♫I'm about to lose control ♫

♫and I think I like it ♫

♫I'm so excited ♫

♫and I just can't hide it ♫

♫and I know, I know, I know, I know ♫

♫I know I want you ♫

♫ we shouldn't even think about tomorrow ♫

♫ good memories will last a long, long time ♫

♫ we'll have a good time, baby, don't you worry ♫

♫if we're still playing around, boy, that's just fine ♫

♫let's get excited ♫

♫ we just can't hide it ♫

♫no, no, no ♫

♫I'm about to lose control, and I think I like it ♫

♫ oh, yeah ♫

♫I'm so excited ♫

♫and I just can't hide it ♫

♫no, no, no, no, no ♫

♫I know, I know, I know, I know ♫

♫I know I want you ♫

♫I want you ♫

♫ ooh, ooh ♫

♫ ooh, boy ♫

♫I'm so excited ♫

♫and I just can't hide it ♫

♫no, no, no, no, no ♫

♫I know, I know, I know, I know ♫

♫I know I want you ♫

♫I want you ♫

[Squeaking noise]

[Squeaking]

Ahh... ahh...

Aah!

♫I'm so excited ♫

♫ what you do to me ♫

♫I just can't hide it ♫

♫ you've got me burning up ♫

♫I'm about to lose control and I think I like it, yeah ♫

♫I'm so excited ♫♫

Yippee!

Yahoo! Yippee-Kai-ai-yay!

Whoo!

And in an emotional address at the state capital...

Nebraska governor Paul burmaster made a public apology

for his state being so flat.

Where are you?

I don't know.

What's wrong?

My arm's asleep.

No, something else.

My leg, too.

No, please, you can tell me.

Well...

Topper?

I have to wee-wee.

Look, I told myself

last night was just going to be last night.

I guess I never counted on finding a guy so deep...

So sensitive.

I've fallen for you, topper.

I've fallen for you big time.

There's someone else, isn't there?

No idea what you mean.

Women sense these things, topper.

I said there's no one.

I'm fine.

I know about ramada, topper. I read your dossier.

She must be quite a woman.

And what if she was?

Was?

Last call for train 590

for glendale, San Francisco, and Honolulu.

Board!

Board!

Oh!

Unhh!

I told you! Warned you twice!

Harley!

Topper Harley?

Over here.

[Thunder]

I cannot go with you or ever see you again.

Just believe that I love you.

You must be brave, my darling.

This card is printed on recycled paper.

[Thunder]

- Hey, hey! - What th- - aah!

Sergeant, pick that up! Someone could trip over it.

Which one of you is Michelle huddleston?

She is.

I'm glad you're here.

We just learned the hostages are being moved.

I'm commander arvid harbinger. I'm running this show.

I'm sorry, commander. Presidential orders.

Lieutenant Harley and I are in charge now.

Any questions?

No, ma'am.

Harley. I've been there.

I've seen the enemy.

If you're not ready, you won't make it.

I've fired a couple of guns.

I'll assemble the men, with your permission.

Gentlemen...

Ms. Huddleston, CIA, and lieutenant topper Harley.

We're working for them.

Williams...

Comsi nc pac ramset m-o-s-92 h-tac offspec paddywhack.

Paddywhack?

Give a dog a bone, sir.

Of course.

Rabinowitz, demolition.

I'm looking forward to blowing something up for you, sir.

I'm looking forward to your explosions.

Gentlemen, commander harbinger has just advised me

that we have 11 hours to free the prisoners.

After that, we may lose them forever.

This is the prison camp area.

It is heavily fortified...

But they'll never expect an attack from the jungle.

Your contact, code name benchpress...

Will lead you to the camp.

I'll be there to meet you at the rendezvous point.

Good luck.

Topper!

Topper, I know we haven't had much time together...

But when you go into battle...

I'd like you to take something of mine with you.

Your lucky mole.

Aah.

Topper.

What are you reading?

Great expectations.

Is it any good?

It's not all I hoped for.

Know what I'm going to do if we make it?

I'm going to go back to eagle river

and marry my gal Edith may.

Gonna get US a nice little place

with a white picket fence... You know the kind...

Two-car garage, maybe a fishing boat.

And in 15 years, when they're all paid for...

I'll set my charges, blow the shit out of them.

You got a girl, topper?

Painter to sky king. No parents in sight.

Party is on.

Green, green, green...

Hook up!

Geronimo!

Geronimo!

Me!

Aah!

Aah!

Ah! Whoo!

[Engine revs]

[Engine revs]

[Engine catches]

[Saw buzzes]

Aaah!

Ooomph!

Thanks, brothers.

Ow.

[Ssss]

Hyah!

[Choking]

Urghh.

Jeez.

Stop it.

Ramada.

Topper.

Why are you here?

This is benchpress, our contact.

I didn't know.

You know each other?

Yes. Yes, we do.

It's been a long time.

Let's see. The last time we met...

Was the flurvian sea.

You remembered.

I remember every detail.

The sky was blue. You wore gray.

I was in chiffon.

Oh, topper, there's so much to say.

You're as beautiful as the day you dumped me.

You've changed.

That beauty Mark.

It was a... It was a gift.

It's all very touching, but this is no time to reminisce.

If we're not at the rendezvous point in seven hours...

Or else we miss our pick-up.

It's your show, hero.

Let's move out.

Follow me.

We're late.

I know a shortcut.

(Buzzing)

Woman: The meat's smoking. Man: Shut up.

- Let's take it off the grill. - Leave me alone.Would ya

- frank, you're drunk again. - Whose fault is that?

This is the best way to the prison compound.

They're used to seeing fishing boats so they won't be suspicious.

There are clothes in the wheelhouse.

Topper: Somebody once wrote, "hell is the impossibility of reason."

That's what this place feels like. Hell.

I hate it already, and it's only been a few hours.

I'm so tired. We get up at 5:00...

Martin sheen: At first I thought they'd handed me the wrong dossier.

I couldn't believe they wanted this man dead.

Third generation west point. Top of his class.

Korea, airborne,

about a thousand decorations, et cetera, et cetera.

I loved you in wall street!

(Beeping morse code)

Satellite reconnaissance indicates an enemy patrol boat

has changed course and is heading for our people.

Send the alert.

Hello,lucky hello,lucky. Report my signal.

Operator: Report my signal. Over.

Hello, George Mike Walters. Strength three. Over.

Recon reports Indians on the warpath in your area. Over.

Ain't no Indians around here. Over.

Do not take literally. Repeat. Do not take literally.

The vultures are circling the carcass. Repeat.

The vultures are circling the carcass.

I see a couple of gulls, but...

The pit bull is out of the cage. The crips are raiding the liquor store.

Hey, you yanking my crank?

If they come by and see a woman, they will know we are masquerading.

Only men are allowed to do the fishing.

Topper.

Why did you have to come here now?

Of all the missions in all the jungles in all the world...

...you had to walk into this one. Oh topper, I tried to stay away.

I thought I'd never see you again, that you were out of my life.

But it's a sequel. I had to come.

Do you know any idea what the critics will say?

- "Same warmed-over characters..." - Topper, stop it.

You're only using this whole casting thing as an excuse

to hide what's really hurting you.

Hurt? Maybe. Once.

But I knew this day would come.

I knew one day you'd come crawling back

begging for forgiveness. Groveling, sniveling,

pleading for another chance.

Sorry, sweetheart, but this all-day sucker is down to the soggy white stick.

No, topper, you don't understand.

I'm married. I was married before you and I ever met.

I'm still married today.

- You're joking. - I'm not.

- You've got to be. - Look if I was joking I would say,

"a horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, 'why the long face?"'

you are married.

- Why didn't you tell me? - I thought he was dead.

He worked for the government, training pilots for the CIA in Germany.

Highest security.

They told me he was killed over villenshtoben.

Then the day before you and I were to go away...

I received word he was alive, in a hospital in Berlin.

I had to go to him.

They ordered me not to tell anyone.

- I know how you must feel. - You do, huh?

You know how it feels to have your heart shot out of season

and strapped to the hood of a car?

To be passed like the world's large kidney stone?

Ramada,

I don't think so.

(Alarm sounds)

Patrol boat!

Remember, we're not American. These boys aren't stupid.

Where's harbinger?

Shut off your engine.

Shut off your engine. We are coming aboard.

(Speaking in foreign language)

Hm.

Kareem of onion! Al jarreau!

(Speaking in foreign language)

Go on! Get out of here!

Take that to the bank and cash it!

Swim for shore!

Save yourselves!

(Speaking in foreign language)

Swim for it! I'll catch up.

Go!

Omar sharif!

Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo!

(Gun clicks)

Whoa!

Topper?

[Newscaster] And in other news president Benson is returning to Washington today

to speak to the nation in what experts are calling

the pivotal address of his political career.

[Pencil sharpener grinding]

- How is the speech coming, sir? - Hm?

Oh, I'm practicing my a's.

- This look like an a to you? - Yes, sir.

All right.

What have you got there, bill?

We just received word from Michelle huddleston. Topper Harley is missing.

- His boat has been demolished. - Oh, damn it!

(Gerou screams)

Every time I give an order, things gets screwed up!

Plan a reception, they bring the wrong hors d'oeuvres.

Appoint an ambassador, next thing we know he leaves the country, now this.

Mr. President, we need a plan.

This may be our last chance to get the hostages out.

All right.

Now, here is where we are and here is where they are.

- Oh, Jesus. Oh, god. - Oh, no time for prayer, Bob.

- Here's the target area. - That's Minnesota, sir.

Oh damn it, man, that's the genius of my plan.

We don't have to traipse all over the world to fight.

We can do it right here at home and get us some good fishing while we are at it.

- Sir, the enemy is over there. - Then we'll fly them over here.

They can bring their relatives too. We'll teach ice skating.

- Do I have to think of everything? - But Mr. President, the hostages.

It is imperative that you act now!

Topper?

Topper: Whoooaaa.

Topper! You made it!

That's right, Cindy, it's 23 minutes past the hour.

And now here's the buckinghams with kind of a drag.

You're bleeding.

I'll be all right.

Something else bothers me a lot more.

Harbinger, where were you when the patrol boat arrived?

Below, sweeping the boat for bombs. What are you accusing me of?

Nothing, yet. But I want you to know I smell a rat.

Don't push me, lieutenant.

Before you bagged your first babe...

I was slitting throats for this country

and making a damn good living at it.

Hey look, I'm not saying I don't trust you...

And I'm not saying I do, but I don't.

Save it for the enemy. We got a job to do.

Oh, look. I'm cut too.

Oh.

Williams: They got me too. It's a real gusher.

Let's get going.

There's a guard at the gate.

He's mine.

Wait here.

Topper.

- Topper. - Jesus!

Before we go in, you should know something.

- What now? - Have you heard of Dexter hayman?

The freedom fighter?

Yeah, he won the nobel prize for inventing the artificial appendix.

Exactly. Dexter is one of the captives.

- He's my husband. - You've got to be joking.

If I was joking, I would say,

"a rabbi, a priest and a minister walk into a bar..."

Okay okay, he is your husband.

Topper, I was so young, just a schoolgirl.

He was an older man, so wise in the ways of the world.

He used to come around the schoolyard, day after day.

I so admired his persistence.

Even the restraining order my parents slapped on him wouldn't hold him back.

He opened my eyes to the arts, music, clog-dancing, wrestlemania.

His work has meant so much to so many.

And I owe him everything, topper.

Everything.

I'm happy for you, kid.

But if you think you can hurt me again, you're wrong.

I left my heart in my other pants.

Go.

(Man answers in arabic)

Oy!

Ah!

Cock-a-doodle-doo!

(Imitates a monkey)

(Squeaks)

(Horse whinnies)

Ah!

(Chicken squeals)

Mm!

(Chicken screams)

Cock-a-doodle-doo.

President: The Iraqi coast.

Oh, those bluffs look treacherous.

Hadn't counted on that.

But if god is on our side, we will rendezvous on Lincoln's wart by noon.

That's it, men.

We're going in!

President: My rescue mission was underway.

But two things kept running through my mind.

Would we get to the men in time?

And why did I bring helium instead of air?

I'll guard the rear.

Take the front door.

(Glass shatters)

The keys.

(Snores)

(Guard mutters in arabic)

(Guard snores)

(Music plays)

(Lullaby plays)

- What? - Enough!

(Mouse sneezes)

I'll have a hamburger.

(Alarm sounds)

Where are the prisoners?

Over there.

Let's go!

I'll take the back gate.

Now, that's a hell of a gun.

- Where's Dexter hayman? - Villa compound 405.

Okay. I'm here.

"Terrorist mountain."

"It's a small war." "Pirates of the persian Gulf."

"Hostage mover." Ah! "Dexter's dungeon."

Harbinger, what are you doing here?

I was right, wasn't I? You sabotaged the other missions.

- I find that unacceptable. - You got me wrong.

All these years,

fighting, and shooting and killing.

I just... I can't go on. I...

Hey, hey, hey, rainy face! Hey, proud warrior.

Let the sun come out, you big bad g.I. Joe.

You know, kitten, we all have permission to make mistakes.

It's called "learning."

You give your uncle topper

a nice big blow.

I'm done.

Thattaboy.

Thanks. I can kill again.

- You've given me a reason to live. - Good.

Head for the gate. Plenty of bad guys to shoot on the way.

Everready bunny: Keeps going, and going, and going, and going.

Nothing outlasts the...

Oh!

Yes!

(Iraqi soldier yells)

There's a copter pad half a mile away from the compound.

- That's our ticket out. - We can't leave. Not without Dexter.

Topper! Watch out!

(Music plays)

For a moment there, I thought you were...

Gabriella sabatini?

I get that all the time. It must be the nose.

Ironically, I haven't picked up a racket in years.

You saved my life.

Topper, no matter what happens, I want you to know that

I never stopped loving you.

(Alarm sounds)

Let's move out!

You are the only one knows how to get to the copter pad.

I'm not there in 15 minutes, you know what to do.

- We get the hell out of here. - No! Wait another 15 minutes.

President: We could hear gunfire from the compound.

From out of nowhere, a patrol boat appeared.

How would we get past the soldiers on that boat?

Then, suddenly, it happened.

(Sniffing)

Take cover!

Guys.

Jeez!

That's it, good night.

(Rocket whistles)

War. It's fantastic!

(Topper grunts)

(Dog growls)

Drop the gun!

Drop it!

You will die, yankee bastard man. How you say? Like a dog.

Now march!

March!

Now, I kill you where you stand, you imperialist yankee-doodle dork of a pig.

Slippery rascal!

Butcher of Baghdad. Hello?

(Woman speaks arabic)

Well, hello.

Who is it? Who is it?

- Your wife, Hillary rodham Hussein. - Jesus, Mary, Joseph! I'm so stupid!

I was supposed to pick her up. At the laundromat!

Tell her I'm at the gym. No no no, I'm out of town.

On business. Bombing, gassing, a last-minute execution.

- Tell her something. Make it up. - I'm sorry. Just missed him.

I owe you one.

Ali macgraw! My eyes.

You little...! I'm going to split you like a melon!

Now I will kill you until you die from it.

President: In a pig's ear.

- Mr. President! - Suffering succotash!

Looks like the upper hand is on the other foot, Saddam.

Ah-ha.

Uh-oh!

Yes!

My skin's made of asbestos.

Tanning parlor accident at dien bien phu.

Go on about your business son. I got a bone to settle with this guy.

Yes, sir. I'll get Dexter.

Let's make this a fair fight.

Darth Vader's voice: I've been waiting for you, o big one.

We meet at last. The circle is complete.

- Now I am the master! - Only the master of evil, Saddam.

Your powers are...

[Cough cough]

Normal voice: Your powers are weak old man. You should not have come.

Yeah, well, I have. We'll settle this the Old Navy way.

First guy to die, loses!

Hyah!

Ohhh...

Water...

Water.

Water, please.

[Burble burble]

- It's locked. From the inside. - No!

- Damn it! - We're gonna die! We all gonna die!

- Get ahold of yourself man! - Blow it!

- It's not our property. - Do it. Do it!

[Burbling] Oh, Mr. Geppetto!

Go ahead. Shoot. You'll get nothing from me.

You are filth. I spit in the face of filth.

Dexter, I've come to get you out of here.

You're American.

Yes. I'm from america.

Let's go.

My friend, I yearn for freedom as much as anyone

but I run from no man.

You've got to come with me.

I can't walk.

They've tied my shoelaces together.

A knot.

Bastards.

I'm aborting the mission. Envelope is closed. We're lifting off.

Taxi driver: Here you go. It's $4.50.

I didn't think you'd make it.

Everybody onboard. We're getting out of here.

What about the others? We just can't leave them.

Wait! I can't go any further. I need a drink.

Okay. Right a bit. Whoa, stop there.

Down a bit, down a bit. There. It's not very cold. Is this filtered?

Their artillery will be down on US in seconds. We have to lift off.

No! If we leave now we'll lose topper and Dexter.

But that's been the idea all along, hasn't it, Michelle?

You're looking beautiful as ever, ramada. How did you know?

I didn't. It all came together when I saw you here.

I thought back to your inscription in my yearbook.

You wrote, "remember all the fun we had in speech class

and I'll fuck up your life if it's the last thing I do."

And then I realize where I had last seen this.

What could I have done to make you so vindictive?

Goodness sake. You gals know each other.

Oh, ramada, how could you have been so blind?

You were always too wrapped up in being miss perfect college to notice me.

Why should you concern yourself with the feelings of one insignificant roommate?

One fabulous day, one incredible experience.

I had no idea it meant so much to you.

I remember that day as if it were yesterday.

The exhilaration of experimenting,

sharing something so new, so dangerous,

- so intimate. - Go on.

Ramada: And I'll never forget the look on your face.

The way the sweat glistened on your hard body.

Then you tied my ankles.

Tighter. Tighter.

But it just wasn't right. It wasn't natural.

Bungee-jumping is just too dangerous a sport.

Bungee-jumping? That's it?

Michelle

how could you do this, how could you hurt so many innocent people?

Oh, ramada! It was always so easy for you.

How could you ever understand?

I had Dexter imprisoned because I wanted you to suffer

- as much as you made me suffer. - You fool!

And then when I discovered I couldn't win topper heart because

he still in love with you, I tried to have you all killed.

He... he still loves me.

You turned your back on america

because of your petty jealousy. You're gonna pay for this.

[Splash]

Ha ha. Good doggie.

Ah... choo!

Ah-choo!

Ah... ch...

Ooh.

Ah!

Aluminum siding. Ten-year guarantee. I'll never have to be painted.

Hm.

Do you have any idea where you're going?

Ha! You missed!

It'll take more than that to stop me, you devils!

Don't jiggle me.

Saddam: Advil! Midol! Get over here! To the helicopter.

They dicked with the wrong dictator.

This means war!

You better let me handle this, son.

Ew. You're so sweaty.

- Walters: I knew you'd make it. - It's about time.

- Michelle. - She's our saboteur.

Topper, can you get me off the hook for old time's sake?

Sorry, precious no can do. You sold out the greatest country in the world.

And to think I wore your mole. Get her out of here.

Dexter?

Ramada.

Oh, dear Dexter. Look what they've done to your shoelaces.

Oh, my darling. You've no idea what I've just been through.

But now we're together again. We have so much to look forward to.

I want to do it all. Donahue. Geraldo.

Sally jessy. Oh, and who's that black chick?

- Oprah. - Yes! Yes. Her too.

Let's go! It's getting hot here.

Yoy go ahead I'm going back for the president.

Topper!

I'm thought it over I'm staying here with you.

No, you're not.You're getting on that copter with Dexter, where you belong.

Why? I thought you loved me.

Ramada, I do love you. I've tried to forget you

but no matter what I do, your face is on the tip of my tongue.

Then let me stay with you.

Ramada, I want to be with you. I want to hold you.

I want to meet your parents and pet your dog.

My parents are dead topper. My dog ate them.

I'm sorry. We both know you belong with Dexter.

You're part of his work, the thing that keeps him going.

I'm no good at being noble, but do you have any idea what'd happen if you stay here with me?

Of course I do.

Sex. Wild, free, passionate, unbridled sex.

[Gulp]

I'd fondle you in ways you can't imagine.

I would pleasure you at any time, in any place, in any way,

for as long as you could possibly desire.

[Engine starts]

You better get going. You'll miss your takeoff.

Goodbye, topper. God bless you.

Wait a second, let me get a shot of you two.

It'll be great visual for the talk shows. Let's just frame this up.

Closer together. Come on. Don't be shy.

Put your arm around her.

I've almost got it. This is a great shot.

My god, you're gonna love this!

You know, under other circumstances, you'd make a great couple.

Oh, well. Say che...

You're moving too much. Quit spinning!

This'll make me rich and f...

- He really was a wiener! - Don't get me started.

Hold it there! Hold it!

This buggy going to america?

Mr. President, I was afraid we may have lost you.

Lost will yeah? Not a chance.

Shove over you guys. I got dibs on the window seat.

[Yelling in arabic]

- Soldier: They're in my sights. - Just a second! This is personal.

We're too heavy. We need to lose some weight.

Aah!

♫ one can have a dream, baby ♫

♫ two can make that dream so real ♫

♫ one can talk about being in love ♫

♫ two can say how it really feels ♫

♫it takes two, baby ♫

♫it takes two, baby ♫

♫make a dream come true ♫

♫. Just take two ♫

♫ one can have a broken heart ♫

♫living in misery ♫

♫ two can really ease the pain ♫

♫like a perfect remedy ♫

♫ one can be alone in a crowd ♫

♫like an island, he's all alone ♫

♫ two can make it just anyplace ♫

♫seems just like being home ♫

♫it takes two, baby ♫

♫it takes two, baby ♫

♫me and you ♫

♫. Just take two ♫

♫ ooh ooh ooh-ooh-ooh ♫

♫ whoo-oo-oo-oo-ooh ♫

♫ ooh-ooh-ooh ooh-ooh ooh ♫

♫ ooh-oo-ooh ♫

♫. Just take two ♫

♫. Just take two ♫

♫ ooh, one can go out to a movie ♫

♫looking for a special treat ♫

♫ two can make that single room ♫

♫something really kinda sweet ♫

♫ yeah, one can take a walk in the moonlight ♫

♫ thinkin'that it's really nice ♫

♫but two walkin' hand in hand ♫

♫is like addin' just a pinch of spice ♫

♫ yeah, it takes two, baby ♫

♫it takes two, baby ♫

♫me and you ♫

♫. Just take two ♫

♫it takes two, baby ♫

♫it takes two, baby ♫

♫ to make a dream come true ♫♫

Hot shots part deux was filmed in Hollywood

in front of a live studio audience.

[Tape playing backwards]

Subtitle ReDone By---KingJAIN