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1
00:00:02,652 --> 00:00:04,652
Oh! You're
leaving again, Larry?
2
00:00:04,672 --> 00:00:06,563
Doris, I'm a
traveling sex salesman.
3
00:00:06,732 --> 00:00:07,914
It's right there in the name.
4
00:00:08,009 --> 00:00:10,342
Now, stop voicing your
opinion. It's the fifties.
5
00:00:10,494 --> 00:00:13,178
We should be hating
Elvis on a bulbous TV.
6
00:00:13,405 --> 00:00:15,997
You're right,
dear. I'm sorry.
7
00:00:16,091 --> 00:00:17,850
How's your Salisbury steak?
8
00:00:18,001 --> 00:00:19,243
Chewy, like all dowdy
9
00:00:19,336 --> 00:00:21,094
housewife meals at this time.
10
00:00:21,263 --> 00:00:23,096
But something's different.
11
00:00:23,249 --> 00:00:26,025
Maybe
that's... the poison.
12
00:00:26,176 --> 00:00:29,177
Where
are my cigarettes?
13
00:00:29,271 --> 00:00:30,271
They'll fix this!
14
00:00:30,347 --> 00:00:31,513
Of course they will.
15
00:00:31,757 --> 00:00:32,939
They fix everything!
16
00:00:33,092 --> 00:00:34,867
Which is why I threw them away!
17
00:00:35,094 --> 00:00:37,110
So I could watch you die!
18
00:00:37,204 --> 00:00:38,762
I cook your food,
I clean your house,
19
00:00:38,855 --> 00:00:41,707
I lay there completely still
while you have sex with me.
20
00:00:41,876 --> 00:00:45,544
And all I ask is that you
acknowledge what I do for you.
21
00:00:45,695 --> 00:00:49,715
Damn Elvis'
pelvis! Aah!
22
00:00:49,792 --> 00:00:51,717
Hope you had a nice trip!
23
00:00:51,886 --> 00:00:54,720
Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
24
00:00:54,963 --> 00:00:58,282
Great 48 states! I
poisoned the wine, too!
25
00:00:58,300 --> 00:00:59,633
Uhh.
26
00:01:24,660 --> 00:01:25,667
Huh!
27
00:01:27,980 --> 00:01:29,307
My ice cream
was too frozen, so, I
28
00:01:29,331 --> 00:01:30,475
tried using the
microwave to heat up
29
00:01:30,499 --> 00:01:31,906
a metal spoon to cut through it.
30
00:01:32,075 --> 00:01:33,166
Don't worry. I can fix it.
31
00:01:33,335 --> 00:01:35,152
Do you have a screwdriver
I can heat up?
32
00:01:35,245 --> 00:01:36,464
Ugh, I should
have married my stalker.
33
00:01:36,488 --> 00:01:37,488
Uhh!
34
00:01:38,657 --> 00:01:41,658
Ugh. God, having you live
here is such a nightmare.
35
00:01:41,827 --> 00:01:43,747
You think I like living
in your basement for free?
36
00:01:43,771 --> 00:01:45,329
I hardly get any
Wi-Fi down there.
37
00:01:45,497 --> 00:01:47,325
It crapped out halfway
through Naomi Campbell's
38
00:01:47,349 --> 00:01:49,015
Masterclass on
Modeling Fundamentals.
39
00:01:49,184 --> 00:01:50,504
Well, you
could move out.
40
00:01:50,611 --> 00:01:52,444
But that won't happen
because you are not,
41
00:01:52,613 --> 00:01:54,095
and never will be, an adult.
42
00:01:54,189 --> 00:01:55,597
I can leave? Great.
43
00:01:55,765 --> 00:01:57,507
I was only here to
help you with Stain.
44
00:01:57,601 --> 00:01:59,843
Wait. Is that his name?
Is Stain even a name?
45
00:01:59,936 --> 00:02:01,339
I guess anything can
be a name these days.
46
00:02:01,363 --> 00:02:03,413
God, I'm glad I'm not a parent.
47
00:02:04,608 --> 00:02:06,774
Dad, can you
pass out on my arm
48
00:02:06,943 --> 00:02:09,035
while telling me about
a gruesome murder?
49
00:02:09,204 --> 00:02:11,463
Sorry. I can't. Your
mom thinks I'm not an adult,
50
00:02:11,632 --> 00:02:14,040
so, I gotta move out
to make her eat farts.
51
00:02:14,193 --> 00:02:15,525
You're the man of the house now.
52
00:02:15,544 --> 00:02:17,361
Uh, are you sure
that's a good idea?
53
00:02:17,529 --> 00:02:19,713
I'm still only allowed to
bathe in 4 inches of water.
54
00:02:19,807 --> 00:02:23,049
You'll be fine. It
all comes down to one rule:
55
00:02:23,144 --> 00:02:25,126
never admit you made a mistake.
56
00:02:25,146 --> 00:02:26,794
Good-bye, Stain.
57
00:02:30,058 --> 00:02:31,541
Aah!
58
00:02:31,652 --> 00:02:33,377
I only got half the class!
59
00:02:34,380 --> 00:02:36,989
Way to go,
Stan of the house!
60
00:02:37,216 --> 00:02:39,216
Ooh, it seems you've
messed your pants.
61
00:02:39,385 --> 00:02:41,451
Let me draw you a shallow bath.
62
00:02:42,646 --> 00:02:44,237
Summers!
Where's your partner?
63
00:02:44,390 --> 00:02:45,480
It's already 9:30 and he
64
00:02:45,574 --> 00:02:47,833
hasn't insulted me
yet. I'm insulted.
65
00:02:48,002 --> 00:02:49,168
Can you keep it down?
66
00:02:49,395 --> 00:02:51,003
I'm not done with
my dream journal.
67
00:02:51,154 --> 00:02:52,314
"Attacked by a pasta goblin."
68
00:02:52,339 --> 00:02:53,483
What do you think that means?
69
00:02:53,507 --> 00:02:55,174
Are you
living under your desk?
70
00:02:55,401 --> 00:02:57,325
No, I am
crashing under my desk.
71
00:02:57,494 --> 00:03:00,512
Harmony kicked me out for,
get this, not being an adult.
72
00:03:00,739 --> 00:03:03,256
Pay up, Martinez.
73
00:03:03,409 --> 00:03:05,449
I told you he'd be homeless
before the year was out.
74
00:03:05,502 --> 00:03:07,352
Wait. You bet
on my personal life?
75
00:03:07,596 --> 00:03:10,171
Oh, yeah. Your
divorce paid for my parka.
76
00:03:10,340 --> 00:03:12,265
I parlayed it with
your mental breakdown.
77
00:03:12,509 --> 00:03:14,251
I expected
more of you, Martinez.
78
00:03:14,344 --> 00:03:15,936
In lieu of an apology,
I will let you
79
00:03:16,030 --> 00:03:17,604
let me stay at your place.
80
00:03:17,756 --> 00:03:19,773
I got 5 kids.
Don't need a sixth.
81
00:03:19,867 --> 00:03:21,942
Or the fourth one, really.
82
00:03:22,110 --> 00:03:23,593
Hey, Wynona, you're
young, so I assume you live
83
00:03:23,612 --> 00:03:25,595
in a loft with 5 never-at-
their-job roommates
84
00:03:25,689 --> 00:03:27,489
of various ethnicities
and comedic archetypes.
85
00:03:27,524 --> 00:03:30,600
What's one more? I can be the
cute one and the slutty one.
86
00:03:30,694 --> 00:03:32,414
Sorry, but
they're already mad at me
87
00:03:32,454 --> 00:03:34,713
for using the living
room as a mini-morgue.
88
00:03:34,864 --> 00:03:36,048
I'm the weird one.
89
00:03:37,276 --> 00:03:38,770
What about
you, Summers, old pal?
90
00:03:38,794 --> 00:03:40,277
Best partner a
guy could ask for,
91
00:03:40,295 --> 00:03:42,054
and next person in
my field of vision.
92
00:03:42,205 --> 00:03:43,889
My prayers
have been answered.
93
00:03:44,058 --> 00:03:45,891
Thank you, Cyborg Jesus!
94
00:03:46,060 --> 00:03:47,484
You want the top
bunk or the bottom?
95
00:03:47,561 --> 00:03:50,136
Hard thick pass.
What about you, Kang?
96
00:03:50,305 --> 00:03:51,805
I'm a grown ass immortal.
97
00:03:51,899 --> 00:03:53,974
I stopped having
roommates in my 200s.
98
00:03:54,050 --> 00:03:55,141
Maybe you should, too.
99
00:03:55,236 --> 00:03:56,626
Fine. I'll
find my own place
100
00:03:56,645 --> 00:03:58,886
and prove I'm a better
adult than any of you.
101
00:03:58,906 --> 00:04:01,198
See? Perfectly dry.
102
00:04:05,228 --> 00:04:06,987
Hmm. You're
really taking this
103
00:04:07,081 --> 00:04:08,989
man of the house
thing seriously.
104
00:04:09,083 --> 00:04:10,640
I don't understand bills.
105
00:04:10,734 --> 00:04:12,158
Do you know how
to write a check?
106
00:04:12,327 --> 00:04:14,122
Sorry. I only
know how to forge 'em.
107
00:04:16,648 --> 00:04:19,424
Hey, young fella, is
the man of the house around,
108
00:04:19,576 --> 00:04:21,075
or are you home alone?
109
00:04:21,095 --> 00:04:22,335
I'm the man of the house.
110
00:04:22,504 --> 00:04:25,655
Oh, that's
good. That's very good.
111
00:04:25,766 --> 00:04:26,974
See you around.
112
00:04:28,160 --> 00:04:29,440
What a nice, unshaven man.
113
00:04:29,661 --> 00:04:31,995
That guy was
clearly casing the joint.
114
00:04:32,088 --> 00:04:33,605
Oh. Maybe I
should tell Mom.
115
00:04:33,832 --> 00:04:35,672
No! You're
the man of the house now.
116
00:04:35,759 --> 00:04:38,110
Men only confide in
bartenders and barbers
117
00:04:38,279 --> 00:04:40,261
who later blab it
to other customers.
118
00:04:40,355 --> 00:04:42,172
Admittedly, it's
a broken system,
119
00:04:42,265 --> 00:04:43,949
but this we can handle.
120
00:04:47,362 --> 00:04:48,581
Pentos, I
need your help.
121
00:04:48,605 --> 00:04:51,606
Oh! A bomb
scare at City Hall?
122
00:04:51,700 --> 00:04:54,126
A mysterious bag of
hitchhikers' thumbs?
123
00:04:54,295 --> 00:04:56,295
A terrorist texting
taunting tidings
124
00:04:56,522 --> 00:04:58,204
and now it's a race
against the clock?
125
00:04:58,299 --> 00:05:00,357
Harm threw me
out. Can I stay with you?
126
00:05:00,526 --> 00:05:03,468
It's never the thumbs.
Well, as much as I'd love
127
00:05:03,712 --> 00:05:06,805
to be the Bertram to your Ernie,
the school won't allow it.
128
00:05:06,882 --> 00:05:10,367
But lucky for you, I recently
procured my real estate license
129
00:05:10,494 --> 00:05:12,960
to supplement my poultry income.
130
00:05:13,055 --> 00:05:16,373
And that was not my accent
playing tricks on you.
131
00:05:16,542 --> 00:05:18,875
They pay teachers
in chickens now.
132
00:05:46,830 --> 00:05:48,847
Oh, this is
your last option.
133
00:05:48,998 --> 00:05:50,256
800 Bless Street.
134
00:05:50,500 --> 00:05:52,166
Good neighborhood.
Mid-century modern,
135
00:05:52,186 --> 00:05:53,243
just like my miniatures.
136
00:05:53,336 --> 00:05:54,502
Plus the name and number
137
00:05:54,746 --> 00:05:55,854
together spell "Boobless."
138
00:05:56,023 --> 00:05:58,172
This place is a dream.
So, what's the catch?
139
00:05:58,417 --> 00:06:00,417
All it says
is the original owners
140
00:06:00,527 --> 00:06:02,769
died of laughter.
141
00:06:02,846 --> 00:06:04,512
And, uh, the last tenant
142
00:06:04,573 --> 00:06:08,942
claimed the house was
haunted of laughter.
143
00:06:09,185 --> 00:06:11,261
I mean, if laughter is a crime,
144
00:06:11,354 --> 00:06:13,705
then no wonder Matt
Rife is a free man.
145
00:06:13,857 --> 00:06:16,291
Now, let's go sign
the paperwork.
146
00:06:30,465 --> 00:06:33,725
Ugh. How do you get
hot sauce out of a shirt?
147
00:06:33,894 --> 00:06:35,710
Is it more hot sauce?
148
00:06:35,804 --> 00:06:38,121
I'm useless. Maybe
I'm not an adult.
149
00:06:38,214 --> 00:06:40,306
Uhh!
150
00:06:40,459 --> 00:06:43,068
Chloe Grace Moretz!
This house is haunted!
151
00:06:43,962 --> 00:06:45,386
Ugh! Who's there?
152
00:06:45,480 --> 00:06:47,889
I'm Doris. And like
the stain on your shirt,
153
00:06:47,908 --> 00:06:49,315
I can no longer be seen.
154
00:06:49,410 --> 00:06:51,225
So, you're a
friendly ghost like Casper
155
00:06:51,394 --> 00:06:53,060
and not a scary ghost
like Tilda Swinton?
156
00:06:53,229 --> 00:06:55,897
Say, why aren't you
hightailing it out of here
157
00:06:55,991 --> 00:06:57,231
like everyone else who moves in?
158
00:06:57,251 --> 00:06:58,808
Because I
got nowhere to go.
159
00:06:58,977 --> 00:07:00,212
And you'll be the one
running once you see
160
00:07:00,236 --> 00:07:01,953
how useless I am
around the house.
161
00:07:02,089 --> 00:07:03,163
But you're a man.
162
00:07:03,331 --> 00:07:04,642
Why would you need
to do anything?
163
00:07:04,666 --> 00:07:05,907
A man respected for
164
00:07:05,926 --> 00:07:07,333
doing nothing in his own home?
165
00:07:07,428 --> 00:07:09,410
What were those Mad
Men so mad about?
166
00:07:09,504 --> 00:07:13,323
Are you hungry? A
Waldorf salad might be grand.
167
00:07:13,416 --> 00:07:15,825
Hmm. I never
want to leave.
168
00:07:15,844 --> 00:07:18,828
And you
never will.
169
00:07:18,922 --> 00:07:21,498
Your laugh is equal
parts creepy and sweet.
170
00:07:21,591 --> 00:07:23,942
Just like this salad is equal
parts mayonnaise and grapes.
171
00:07:24,111 --> 00:07:25,777
Waldorf must have
been real backed up.
172
00:07:29,599 --> 00:07:32,951
The creepy guy is back.
I can't even pay a bill.
173
00:07:33,102 --> 00:07:34,382
How am I supposed
to handle this?
174
00:07:34,529 --> 00:07:36,346
You ever
seen "Home Alone"?
175
00:07:36,439 --> 00:07:39,349
Well, yeah, but would
that work in real life?
176
00:07:39,442 --> 00:07:41,126
Sure.
If that tiny kid
177
00:07:41,353 --> 00:07:43,369
could be the man of the
house and save the day
178
00:07:43,538 --> 00:07:45,058
by getting emancipated
from his parents
179
00:07:45,132 --> 00:07:47,466
while allegedly dealing with
a crippling drug addiction
180
00:07:47,634 --> 00:07:50,527
that blew through most of his
millions, then so can you.
181
00:07:50,620 --> 00:07:52,879
Are you saying
I have to do drugs?
182
00:07:52,973 --> 00:07:54,455
Well, nobody has to.
183
00:07:54,624 --> 00:07:57,809
Now, let's go find some rope
and paint cans and uppers.
184
00:07:58,036 --> 00:07:58,810
Ha ha ha!
185
00:08:04,209 --> 00:08:08,153
♪ I love you ♪
186
00:08:08,380 --> 00:08:11,573
♪ Believe me, I love you so ♪
187
00:08:13,068 --> 00:08:17,662
♪ You're the most beautiful
girl in the world ♪
188
00:08:18,499 --> 00:08:22,417
♪ Love you more than
you'll ever know ♪
189
00:08:26,507 --> 00:08:29,508
Oh, Marvin, thank you
so much for trimming my bush.
190
00:08:29,659 --> 00:08:32,177
It hadn't been that full
since the seventies.
191
00:08:32,404 --> 00:08:34,604
I plucked out all the
stray gray flowers as well.
192
00:08:34,740 --> 00:08:37,090
Hey, what's behind here?
193
00:08:37,242 --> 00:08:38,666
It's my lady cave.
194
00:08:38,835 --> 00:08:42,169
I can't find the
opening. Can you guide me in?
195
00:08:42,338 --> 00:08:44,171
Just go slowly,
Marvin, would you?
196
00:08:44,266 --> 00:08:46,608
Why, nobody's been
in here for years.
197
00:08:47,861 --> 00:08:49,321
Bigger than I
thought it would be.
198
00:08:49,345 --> 00:08:50,177
Well, I'm
sorry I'm not a
199
00:08:50,346 --> 00:08:51,921
perky 25-year-old house.
200
00:08:52,032 --> 00:08:53,923
Ahem. Now, why
don't you lay down
201
00:08:54,034 --> 00:08:55,441
in my silky folds?
202
00:08:55,536 --> 00:08:58,411
I would, but I'm
not dressed for bed.
203
00:08:59,931 --> 00:09:03,933
And awaaay we go!
Fifties reference.
204
00:09:12,294 --> 00:09:15,053
Oh, Flutie-patootie,
205
00:09:15,297 --> 00:09:18,205
you made this old house
feel like a woman again.
206
00:09:18,374 --> 00:09:19,927
Now that I've been
in here, maybe we can
207
00:09:19,951 --> 00:09:20,967
try your basement next.
208
00:09:21,119 --> 00:09:22,119
Oh, no.
209
00:09:22,211 --> 00:09:23,544
I couldn't live with myself
210
00:09:23,564 --> 00:09:25,730
if the women in my
crossed-ankle sitting club
211
00:09:25,899 --> 00:09:27,140
found out about that.
212
00:09:27,292 --> 00:09:28,215
What if I just
poked my head in?
213
00:09:28,310 --> 00:09:30,460
No! It gets a bit stinky.
214
00:09:30,478 --> 00:09:32,404
Thank goodness there's
a little vent. Ha!
215
00:09:32,631 --> 00:09:35,298
Anyway, I haven't even
met your friends yet.
216
00:09:35,467 --> 00:09:37,300
Maybe you'd want to
invite them to dinner.
217
00:09:37,469 --> 00:09:39,204
That's great! It's
the perfect way to show them
218
00:09:39,228 --> 00:09:40,745
how self-sufficient I am.
219
00:09:40,972 --> 00:09:42,080
You're quite a man.
220
00:09:42,249 --> 00:09:43,249
Which makes me think
221
00:09:43,475 --> 00:09:45,417
maybe you're ready to go again.
222
00:09:45,586 --> 00:09:48,169
Ha ha ha! No.
223
00:09:49,648 --> 00:09:51,981
Look, I hate the
idea of you on the streets.
224
00:09:52,000 --> 00:09:53,091
You should move in with me.
225
00:09:53,260 --> 00:09:54,818
We don't have to share bunk beds
226
00:09:54,911 --> 00:09:55,911
or braid your hair.
227
00:09:56,004 --> 00:09:57,170
I can just brush it.
228
00:09:57,914 --> 00:09:59,931
Aaagh! Kang: I
rarely use this word,
229
00:10:00,100 --> 00:10:01,507
but... dayum.
230
00:10:01,676 --> 00:10:03,935
That's right. I am
now a practicing adult.
231
00:10:04,104 --> 00:10:05,437
No "erer" this time.
232
00:10:05,588 --> 00:10:07,939
And I'd like to invite
you all to my adult party.
233
00:10:08,108 --> 00:10:10,424
I've never been to
a real dinner party before,
234
00:10:10,593 --> 00:10:13,111
but I've seen plenty through
my ex-boyfriend's window.
235
00:10:13,262 --> 00:10:14,542
Something's
fishy here.
236
00:10:14,597 --> 00:10:16,000
Maybe it's
the Lobster Newburg
237
00:10:16,024 --> 00:10:17,024
I'm making for tonight.
238
00:10:17,100 --> 00:10:18,116
See you then.
239
00:10:18,343 --> 00:10:19,411
There's
no way he's gonna
240
00:10:19,435 --> 00:10:21,119
pull this party off, right?
241
00:10:21,346 --> 00:10:22,746
You wanna bet?
242
00:10:24,366 --> 00:10:26,532
OK. I got 50 bucks
243
00:10:26,743 --> 00:10:28,960
that Flute has someone
secretly helping him,
244
00:10:29,129 --> 00:10:31,612
20 on one damn hand
towel in the bathroom,
245
00:10:31,781 --> 00:10:33,873
and give me the
under on oversharing
246
00:10:33,967 --> 00:10:35,541
the size of his morning dooty.
247
00:10:35,710 --> 00:10:37,284
My life
savings on the trifecta
248
00:10:37,304 --> 00:10:38,619
of his party playlist being
249
00:10:38,639 --> 00:10:41,789
Pearl Jam, on Pandora, with ads.
250
00:10:41,883 --> 00:10:43,549
That is your life savings?
251
00:10:43,702 --> 00:10:45,292
I put all my
money in Dogecoin because
252
00:10:45,312 --> 00:10:47,220
someone I never met
on Reddit told me to.
253
00:10:47,314 --> 00:10:49,372
I was a billionaire for 3 hours.
254
00:10:49,465 --> 00:10:50,982
Now I eat mustard sandwiches.
255
00:10:51,151 --> 00:10:52,817
How can you do this?
256
00:10:52,986 --> 00:10:54,705
Shouldn't we be wishing
our friend the best?
257
00:10:54,729 --> 00:10:56,655
Which in this case would
be moving in with me?
258
00:10:56,898 --> 00:10:58,898
He's never
moving in with you.
259
00:10:59,067 --> 00:11:00,158
You wanna bet?
260
00:11:00,385 --> 00:11:01,545
That's what we're doing.
261
00:11:01,569 --> 00:11:03,144
Oh, right.
Then I'll wager
262
00:11:03,238 --> 00:11:05,905
my salary plus the Cuddle Crew.
263
00:11:05,999 --> 00:11:06,999
You're serious?
264
00:11:07,225 --> 00:11:08,149
More serious
265
00:11:08,243 --> 00:11:09,316
than Mr. Serious.
266
00:11:09,485 --> 00:11:11,227
I'll bet
my Miranda rights
267
00:11:11,320 --> 00:11:14,655
he's using paper towels
for toilet paper.
268
00:11:17,160 --> 00:11:18,418
You sure about this?
269
00:11:18,586 --> 00:11:20,512
When that
door opens, it'll set off
270
00:11:20,681 --> 00:11:22,514
a hilarious chain of
events, culminating in
271
00:11:22,590 --> 00:11:24,999
you learning the true
meaning of family.
272
00:11:25,018 --> 00:11:27,668
Or some stupid crap.
273
00:11:37,589 --> 00:11:39,250
- Oh, my God!
- This is not as
274
00:11:39,274 --> 00:11:40,773
PG as I remembered.
275
00:11:40,867 --> 00:11:42,775
We gotta call the
cops! Or your mom.
276
00:11:42,869 --> 00:11:45,519
No. We can't.
It's like Dad said.
277
00:11:45,613 --> 00:11:48,206
The man of the house never
admits he made a mistake.
278
00:11:48,433 --> 00:11:50,934
But we just
Artie Lange's nosed
279
00:11:51,027 --> 00:11:53,545
this man's entire face!
280
00:11:53,714 --> 00:11:56,881
You get his feet,
I'll grab his mushy skull.
281
00:11:58,701 --> 00:12:01,869
Marvin, my number
one and only client!
282
00:12:01,888 --> 00:12:05,181
I hope you don't mind. I
put a sign in your yard.
283
00:12:07,060 --> 00:12:09,210
Oh, cute
place. I see your carpet
284
00:12:09,378 --> 00:12:13,306
isn't a cartoon map of a little
city you can drive toy cars on.
285
00:12:13,458 --> 00:12:15,382
I guess if that's
how you want to live.
286
00:12:15,402 --> 00:12:18,311
Clean floors,
matching furniture.
287
00:12:18,463 --> 00:12:20,387
There's definitely
a woman behind this.
288
00:12:20,407 --> 00:12:22,574
Are you wearing
a princess outfit?
289
00:12:22,725 --> 00:12:24,892
They don't make
sexy cocktail dresses
290
00:12:24,911 --> 00:12:27,078
in a kids 7, nor should they.
291
00:12:27,305 --> 00:12:30,473
1950s music?!
Great. I lost my bet.
292
00:12:30,642 --> 00:12:32,308
I woulda blown it
on crypto anyways.
293
00:12:32,419 --> 00:12:34,586
Better luck
next time, losers.
294
00:12:34,813 --> 00:12:37,313
Daddy's getting a new
pair of sensible shoes.
295
00:12:37,332 --> 00:12:39,816
You bet against me?
Never bet against the house.
296
00:12:39,834 --> 00:12:43,219
And by the house I mean me
because I did all this...
297
00:12:44,914 --> 00:12:46,347
and not the house.
298
00:12:49,085 --> 00:12:51,752
I've been here before.
299
00:12:51,846 --> 00:12:53,513
Your friends
seem so nice.
300
00:12:53,665 --> 00:12:55,331
When are you going
to introduce me?
301
00:12:55,424 --> 00:12:57,000
That's a sad
group out there.
302
00:12:57,093 --> 00:12:59,110
We shouldn't rub our
relationship in their faces.
303
00:12:59,337 --> 00:13:00,761
Let's take it slow
and just rub in
304
00:13:00,930 --> 00:13:03,172
how well I'm doing
on my own first.
305
00:13:03,266 --> 00:13:04,340
Especially to Harmony.
306
00:13:04,433 --> 00:13:06,175
Your ex-wife is coming?
307
00:13:06,344 --> 00:13:07,764
Of course. The
whole point of divorce
308
00:13:07,788 --> 00:13:09,599
is to spend the rest of
your life trying to hurt
309
00:13:09,623 --> 00:13:10,789
the person you once publicly
310
00:13:11,016 --> 00:13:12,015
declared your love for.
311
00:13:12,033 --> 00:13:14,441
That must be her.
312
00:13:20,875 --> 00:13:22,358
Thanks for dressing
up for dinner.
313
00:13:22,527 --> 00:13:24,027
Dinner?
I rented a U-Haul.
314
00:13:24,195 --> 00:13:25,194
I thought the invite was for me
315
00:13:25,213 --> 00:13:26,453
to help you move back in.
316
00:13:26,473 --> 00:13:28,473
Wow, this place
is magazine nice.
317
00:13:28,624 --> 00:13:30,824
- Where's your kid?
- I left him home alone.
318
00:13:30,960 --> 00:13:33,478
He's fine. He's the
man of the house now.
319
00:13:35,540 --> 00:13:37,315
Stan Marino,
I'm starting to think
320
00:13:37,466 --> 00:13:40,134
this might qualify as a mistake.
321
00:13:40,228 --> 00:13:41,372
Never! We dump
him in the lake.
322
00:13:41,396 --> 00:13:43,804
Avoid being seen.
Forget it happened.
323
00:13:50,479 --> 00:13:53,222
OK, now we
need to call somebody.
324
00:13:53,316 --> 00:13:56,000
Man! Of! The! House!
325
00:13:58,487 --> 00:14:03,232
Tonight, I'm gonna
take the deepest bath.
326
00:14:05,236 --> 00:14:06,638
Maybe we were
wrong about Flute.
327
00:14:06,662 --> 00:14:08,738
He really is
doing great on his own.
328
00:14:08,907 --> 00:14:10,907
I knew I jinxed it
when I installed those
329
00:14:11,017 --> 00:14:12,425
his and his toilets.
330
00:14:12,577 --> 00:14:14,221
May I have your
attention by doing something
331
00:14:14,245 --> 00:14:16,079
people only do in
movies?
332
00:14:16,139 --> 00:14:17,263
Thank you. I thought now
333
00:14:17,432 --> 00:14:18,931
might be a good time for you all
334
00:14:19,025 --> 00:14:20,583
to apologize for
betting against me.
335
00:14:20,676 --> 00:14:22,116
I can
admit when I'm wrong.
336
00:14:22,195 --> 00:14:23,835
I checked every bathroom
and couldn't find
337
00:14:23,864 --> 00:14:25,196
a single lady hair.
338
00:14:25,348 --> 00:14:27,198
Just a disturbing
amount of Flubes.
339
00:14:27,367 --> 00:14:29,609
Flute's pubes. I say it enough
340
00:14:29,703 --> 00:14:31,110
that it warrants
the portmanteau.
341
00:14:31,279 --> 00:14:32,929
Thank you. Harm,
you've been quiet.
342
00:14:33,022 --> 00:14:35,351
Anything you'd like to admit
you were an idiot for thinking?
343
00:14:35,375 --> 00:14:37,935
Yeah. There's plenty of
idiotic things I could admit to.
344
00:14:38,027 --> 00:14:40,119
Subscribing to Quibi,
using scented tampons,
345
00:14:40,363 --> 00:14:42,605
buying not one but
two Ninja CREAMis.
346
00:14:42,607 --> 00:14:44,774
Now I guess I can add
"Thinking you couldn't
347
00:14:44,867 --> 00:14:46,367
survive without
me" to that list.
348
00:14:46,461 --> 00:14:48,535
Thank y...
Tell them about me.
349
00:14:48,555 --> 00:14:50,613
Well, this was
fun. Drive home safe.
350
00:14:50,706 --> 00:14:54,225
Aha! I knew there
was a woman here. Pay up, Kang!
351
00:14:54,302 --> 00:14:56,895
You're no
better than my Larry!
352
00:14:57,063 --> 00:15:00,231
Larry?
353
00:15:03,052 --> 00:15:04,319
Aah!
354
00:15:05,405 --> 00:15:07,054
Now I remember. I was on
355
00:15:07,073 --> 00:15:08,406
a suicide case here years ago,
356
00:15:08,633 --> 00:15:10,633
and her husband
Larry went missing.
357
00:15:10,802 --> 00:15:13,077
That's right! And
there are about to be
358
00:15:13,246 --> 00:15:15,988
several more missing
people!
359
00:15:16,082 --> 00:15:18,899
Aah!
360
00:15:18,993 --> 00:15:21,235
Ow!
361
00:15:21,329 --> 00:15:23,162
This may be an
awkward moment to ask,
362
00:15:23,331 --> 00:15:25,381
but do you have my
commission check?
363
00:15:33,916 --> 00:15:36,083
I've
tried everything.
364
00:15:36,177 --> 00:15:38,937
It's a 1950s nuclear war
bunker. We're trapped.
365
00:15:39,105 --> 00:15:41,505
Looks like her husband
never found a way out, either.
366
00:15:41,666 --> 00:15:43,182
And our
phones don't work.
367
00:15:43,276 --> 00:15:44,758
Now I'll never get to yell at
368
00:15:44,927 --> 00:15:46,502
my beautiful, stupid kids again.
369
00:15:46,637 --> 00:15:49,280
And I'll never get
to be roommates with Flute.
370
00:15:49,507 --> 00:15:50,507
Except in here.
371
00:15:50,599 --> 00:15:53,526
Which means I
won! Pay up, Kang.
372
00:15:53,678 --> 00:15:55,620
Sorry, Summers,
but all bets are off.
373
00:15:55,847 --> 00:15:57,604
Unless you want to wager
on who I'll eat first,
374
00:15:57,624 --> 00:15:59,958
since I'm the only one
that can't die in here.
375
00:16:00,126 --> 00:16:01,604
If you can't
die, then why eat us?
376
00:16:01,628 --> 00:16:03,795
Eh, gotta do
something to fill the time.
377
00:16:04,022 --> 00:16:05,688
Oh, great. Now
the walls are bleeding.
378
00:16:05,707 --> 00:16:07,614
Well, at least I know
I didn't get her pregnant.
379
00:16:07,634 --> 00:16:10,359
This is all
Orange Frankenstein's fault
380
00:16:10,378 --> 00:16:12,028
for renting Flute this house.
381
00:16:12,046 --> 00:16:13,340
Just for that,
you're not getting
382
00:16:13,364 --> 00:16:15,139
a computer signed
Christmas card.
383
00:16:15,366 --> 00:16:17,717
And any blame should
fall squarely on blondie
384
00:16:17,960 --> 00:16:19,480
for kicking him out
in the first place.
385
00:16:19,554 --> 00:16:21,887
It is my fault
that I booted a man
386
00:16:22,056 --> 00:16:24,465
so vile he can even
disappoint dead women?
387
00:16:24,633 --> 00:16:26,370
Maybe if Kang
hadn't turned this into
388
00:16:26,394 --> 00:16:28,539
a money-making scheme, we
could have been more helpful.
389
00:16:28,563 --> 00:16:30,471
Can't wait
to eat your nose.
390
00:16:35,662 --> 00:16:37,462
Look at yourselves.
You're all fighting
391
00:16:37,497 --> 00:16:39,146
instead of trying
to get out of here.
392
00:16:39,165 --> 00:16:40,647
Sure, I may not be an adult,
393
00:16:40,742 --> 00:16:42,408
but guess what?
Neither are any of you.
394
00:16:42,502 --> 00:16:44,227
Wynona's only
friends are corpses.
395
00:16:44,245 --> 00:16:45,525
Summers is afraid to live alone.
396
00:16:45,563 --> 00:16:47,154
Martinez only talks
about her children
397
00:16:47,173 --> 00:16:48,542
because she has nothing
else of interest,
398
00:16:48,566 --> 00:16:50,066
and Kang can't die, which is all
399
00:16:50,235 --> 00:16:51,567
any real adult thinks about.
400
00:16:51,736 --> 00:16:55,921
Sorry to vent, but... wait.
My crime mind is tingling.
401
00:17:01,913 --> 00:17:05,506
And awaaay
we go! Fifties reference.
402
00:17:05,600 --> 00:17:07,174
Mm.
403
00:17:07,268 --> 00:17:09,585
Uh, excuse me.
Pardon me. Your ween is out.
404
00:17:09,678 --> 00:17:11,863
Yours, too. And yours.
Should mine be out?
405
00:17:12,014 --> 00:17:13,439
I don't wanna get in trouble.
406
00:17:13,682 --> 00:17:15,160
Thank goodness
there's a little vent.
407
00:17:15,184 --> 00:17:18,110
Little vent. Little
vent. Little vent.
408
00:17:18,279 --> 00:17:20,496
"A little
vent." That's it!
409
00:17:21,432 --> 00:17:23,624
Wow, that is one hairy butt.
410
00:17:25,378 --> 00:17:27,378
That's it. There's
a tiny vent in here,
411
00:17:27,455 --> 00:17:29,714
and I bet Martinez
can fit through it.
412
00:17:32,868 --> 00:17:34,126
Uhh!
413
00:17:34,295 --> 00:17:35,364
Oh, I hope
she makes it out
414
00:17:35,388 --> 00:17:37,037
so I can see my sweet baby's
415
00:17:37,248 --> 00:17:39,265
face one more time.
416
00:17:44,122 --> 00:17:46,138
I say this
without a hint of comedy.
417
00:17:46,232 --> 00:17:49,049
What's the plan, Stan?
418
00:17:49,143 --> 00:17:50,960
What the crap is it now?
419
00:17:50,978 --> 00:17:52,445
Out of the car.
420
00:17:55,149 --> 00:17:56,966
It's all yours.
421
00:17:59,487 --> 00:18:02,138
Oh. No
thanks.
422
00:18:02,231 --> 00:18:04,731
In the car. Now.
423
00:18:08,162 --> 00:18:10,254
Uhh!
424
00:18:13,075 --> 00:18:14,425
No wonder
my dad moved out.
425
00:18:14,577 --> 00:18:16,677
Being the man of
the house sucks!
426
00:18:18,264 --> 00:18:20,242
Starting to have
more compassion for how
427
00:18:20,266 --> 00:18:22,325
Macaulay ended up
the way he did.
428
00:18:22,493 --> 00:18:26,011
Aah!
429
00:18:27,181 --> 00:18:30,015
How dare you try
and sneak in my back door
430
00:18:30,110 --> 00:18:32,518
while I was bending over
backwards cleaning?!
431
00:18:32,670 --> 00:18:35,855
Now I'm going to pinch it shut
and none of you will ever leave.
432
00:18:35,931 --> 00:18:36,948
No!
433
00:18:37,099 --> 00:18:39,008
I'm sick of everyone
434
00:18:39,177 --> 00:18:40,860
using and leaving me
435
00:18:40,954 --> 00:18:45,348
like I'm some seedy Airbnb.
436
00:18:45,441 --> 00:18:47,366
You're right.
That's not fairbnb.
437
00:18:47,518 --> 00:18:49,605
I was using you to make me seem
like an adult, but I'm not.
438
00:18:49,629 --> 00:18:51,370
I don't know how to
clean my own clothes.
439
00:18:51,464 --> 00:18:52,850
Whenever I draw a
picture with a sun in it,
440
00:18:52,874 --> 00:18:54,357
it's always in the
top right corner,
441
00:18:54,450 --> 00:18:56,410
and I still pull my pants
all the way down to pee.
442
00:18:56,544 --> 00:18:58,527
But the most not
adult thing was that
443
00:18:58,696 --> 00:19:01,347
I didn't appreciate you.
444
00:19:02,958 --> 00:19:04,124
No man ever has.
445
00:19:04,144 --> 00:19:05,977
And now I'm going
to be alone again.
446
00:19:06,204 --> 00:19:07,979
I don't want to go back to that.
447
00:19:08,130 --> 00:19:09,796
That bush was so out of control.
448
00:19:09,816 --> 00:19:12,391
Release all my friends
and I'll stay in this house
449
00:19:12,485 --> 00:19:14,894
forever with you and never
step out that door again.
450
00:19:14,988 --> 00:19:17,137
You would do that for me?
451
00:19:17,382 --> 00:19:19,806
I'm your
Flutie-patootie, aren't I?
452
00:19:31,820 --> 00:19:33,896
Thanks,
Flute. My bottom bunk
453
00:19:34,065 --> 00:19:35,915
will remain untouched forever.
454
00:19:36,009 --> 00:19:38,067
Unless I want to move
down there 'cause I saw
455
00:19:38,085 --> 00:19:39,251
a spider on the ceiling.
456
00:19:39,345 --> 00:19:40,865
I trust you'll
have the decency
457
00:19:41,072 --> 00:19:42,847
not to mention
this clusterfumble
458
00:19:42,998 --> 00:19:45,266
in my Angie's List review.
459
00:19:46,260 --> 00:19:48,077
This is
the most adult thing
460
00:19:48,079 --> 00:19:49,428
I've ever seen you do.
461
00:19:49,597 --> 00:19:51,500
I'm sorry I threw you out
and now you have to die
462
00:19:51,524 --> 00:19:53,432
a sex slave for
this needy house.
463
00:19:53,676 --> 00:19:55,153
And I'm sorry I
didn't flush at least once
464
00:19:55,177 --> 00:19:56,611
while I lived with you.
465
00:20:04,595 --> 00:20:06,871
Well, it's just
you and me, Doris.
466
00:20:07,098 --> 00:20:08,522
I'm sorry
I ruined dinner.
467
00:20:08,691 --> 00:20:11,133
Can I make you some
Jell-O with ham chunks?
468
00:20:11,193 --> 00:20:12,526
No, I'll make dinner.
469
00:20:12,545 --> 00:20:14,286
Thank you,
darling. I'm going to go
470
00:20:14,380 --> 00:20:16,439
blast the humidifier
in the pink room.
471
00:20:16,607 --> 00:20:19,300
It takes a little
longer than it used to.
472
00:20:24,632 --> 00:20:25,781
Marvin, my dear,
473
00:20:25,800 --> 00:20:27,040
do you smell gas?
474
00:20:27,134 --> 00:20:28,601
Aah!
475
00:20:31,622 --> 00:20:33,142
Take that, dead spirit
that only wanted
476
00:20:33,233 --> 00:20:34,807
to be loved and to
take care of someone!
477
00:20:34,959 --> 00:20:36,976
Ha ha ha ha!
478
00:20:37,070 --> 00:20:38,611
I'm never getting
my deposit back.
479
00:20:42,800 --> 00:20:44,220
And finally, in
"scare you right before bed" news,
480
00:20:44,244 --> 00:20:45,387
3 wanted fugitives were found
481
00:20:45,411 --> 00:20:47,486
barely alive in a stolen car.
482
00:20:47,638 --> 00:20:49,154
Um, how much
money did you make
483
00:20:49,290 --> 00:20:50,709
on the settlement
from your accident?
484
00:20:50,733 --> 00:20:52,377
Plenty. Not
to mention all the cash
485
00:20:52,401 --> 00:20:53,521
I made from my bet with Kang
486
00:20:53,586 --> 00:20:54,810
now that you're my roomie,
487
00:20:54,979 --> 00:20:56,087
roomie.
488
00:20:56,238 --> 00:20:57,237
I think
this might actually
489
00:20:57,257 --> 00:20:58,739
work out really well for me.
490
00:20:58,983 --> 00:21:00,907
For us. We're
gonna work together,
491
00:21:01,076 --> 00:21:03,410
live together, eat
together, sleep together,
492
00:21:03,429 --> 00:21:05,713
dream together, scream
together, master...
493
00:21:05,823 --> 00:21:07,468
Can you just give
me a lift to my bunk?
494
00:21:07,492 --> 00:21:10,268
Next stop,
top bunk. Hee hee!
495
00:21:11,329 --> 00:21:13,249
- There's a spider
up here. - I know.
496
00:21:13,331 --> 00:21:14,847
That's why I picked
the bottom bunk.
497
00:21:15,016 --> 00:21:16,165
Ooh, and I should warn you,
498
00:21:16,276 --> 00:21:17,683
I have a bit of a
snoring problem.
499
00:21:17,777 --> 00:21:20,185
They programmed me to snore
so I'd seem more lifelike,
500
00:21:20,280 --> 00:21:23,672
and it can't be
stopped. G'night!
501
00:21:33,293 --> 00:21:35,459
Bento.
36624
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