Original subtitles

[MUSIC]

Hi, hello everyone.

My name is Cassie.

Welcome to my home.

So today I will be representing my daughter on a date.

The only thing you need to know about my daughter is that she's an overachiever.

She like to give her best in any situation.

And the minimum I'm expecting from any boyfriends of her

is that he give the best of himself.

If he does, am I giving my permission to date her?

Even though I've been told that it won't be my choice.

>> How's everybody doing?

I'm Juan and I was thinking of getting a girlfriend.

But instead of going on dates with these girls, I'd be going on dates with their

moms and if the vibe is right with the moms,

I'm sure I'll get along with their daughter.

But if not, then I guess I'm gonna have to keep dating these moms on Date My Milf.

[MUSIC]

>> Hi.

>> Hello. >> My name is Cassie and you are?

>> I'm Juan.

>> Nice to meet you, Juan.

>> You have such a nice house.

It's so big.

>> Thank you so much.

Such a nice sentiment.

>> Mm-hm.

>> So, are you ready for our date today?

>> Yes.

>> Okay, let's get to it.

>> So for our date today, I wanted to show you that

romance asks a lot of preparation and effort.

And if you do end up dating my daughter, I wanna be sure she will be well treated.

So today, I'm gonna show you, teach you, how to prepare a vase of roses,

chocolate-covered strawberries, and how to write a haiku.

>> Facts.

>> Yeah, okay, this way?

>> Okay.

>> Yeah.

[MUSIC]

So let's start with the roses, okay?

>> Okay.

>> So you take the roses, not on this one, it's already taken off, on this one.

You take the thorn here, take it off like that to be sure you don't cut yourself.

And then, at the end of the steam, you make sure you cut it horizontally.

So the roses can have the maximum water,

the maximum they needed.

Are you okay?

>> Yeah, I'm fine, like they say, you gotta smell the roses.

>> [LAUGH] Yes, yeah, okay, let's do the rest.

>> Yeah.

>> Okay, so you get the thorn right here, you have special keels.

>> Yeah, it's popping off.

>> I'll let you do it then, all right, and I cut this team, but just like that.

All right, it's jumping everywhere.

That one is done, okay, and like this.

[BLANK_AUDIO]

You're right, this one really good.

[LAUGH] Okay, I think we've done this.

Okay, so we should do a bouquet.

>> Yeah.

>> Okay, let's do it.

>> I'm sorry.

>> I'm sorry, yeah, okay.

Yeah, like this, it's perfect, look good, beautiful, you have great imagination.

Absolutely, like this, wanna put the rest?

>> Yeah, just like that.

>> Let's cut the vase, yes, beautiful.

You're doing that very well, very well, Ron, I'm very proud.

My daughter is so lucky.

Bravo, you got this.

>> You know, a rubber band would help, but this will do.

>> Yeah, okay, like this, and voila, perfect.

All right, I think it's time to melt the chocolate, okay?

>> All right.

>> Let me take this out of the way, and the chocolate.

[SOUND]

Almost ready.

t's perfect.

So let's see if it's perfectly melted, yes, it is.

So, the key is to melt the chocolate.

>> Yes, that's right.

>> Okay.

>> Okay.

>> Look at this, it's perfect.

So let's see if it's perfectly melted.

Yes, it is.

So, the key is to melt the chocolate.

>> Yes.

>> Okay.

>> Okay.

>> Yes.

>> So, let's see if it's perfectly melted.

>> Yes.

>> Okay.

>> Okay.

>> Okay.

So, the key is to get the perfect amount of chocolate around the strawberry.

So, not too much, but enough so you can feel all the flavor, you know?

>> Mm-hm.

>> You need control, just like that.

And, voila.

Thank you, Juan.

>> Mm-hm.

>> All right, your turn.

>> All right.

>> Show me.

Amazing, you did so great in here.

So great.

I -- oh.

>> Mm.

>> I'm guessing this is not a problem to offer my daughter dozens of roses and 11 strawberries.

>> Oh, my God, they're really good.

You have to try one.

>> Oh, yeah, are they?

>> Mm-hm.

>> But we can't eat them all.

>> Mm-hm.

I mean, you really have to try it.

They're really good.

>> I'm sure they're very good, but I mean, I don't --

>> Come on, just try it.

>> I don't --

>> Just try it, just try it.

>> Mm.

Mm.

Mm.

Mm.

Mm.

Mm.

It's really good, yes.

But we can't eat them all.

I mean, it's for you and my daughter.

>> Says who?

>> All right.

I think we're going to go to the second -- the third thing we have to do, right?

>> Oh, yeah, you said something about a haiku?

>> A haiku.

>> Right, right.

>> Yeah, it's a form of poetry.

>> Well, I mean, I've never really been the best at rhyming.

>> There is no rhyme in haiku.

They follow a very strict syllable structure.

Five, seven, five, for example.

Chocolate covered.

Juices dripping all over my mouth.

Lovely strawberry.

>> Bravo.

>> Thank you so much.

Well, the rules are easy enough, so anybody can actually create a haiku.

Some master can have a headache about it, but I'm sure you can do something.

I'm sure you can find something.

Let's see, let's see.

You're gorgeous.

Wait, what's your daughter's name?

>> Tiffany.

>> Tiffany, Tiffany, Tiffany, okay.

Tiffany, you're gorgeous.

Tiffany, you're -- what color is her hair?

>> If I tell you right now, it would go against the rules.

I cannot block all the fun.

You could write about somebody that you know already.

>> I mean, I can, I'm just -- I wouldn't be on this show if there really wasn't.

I mean, I could write about you.

>> Oh, you don't have to do that.

>> Oh, no, I mean, I really want to.

So, I mean, here it goes.

Learning romance from a woman pretty and wise, how lucky am I?

>> This is really beautiful, really beautiful.

But you did use eight syllables instead of seven in the middle.

>> Oh, shit, a woman so beautiful, which was implied?

>> Yeah.

But I'm very glad that my daughter's going to date a guy like you.

>> Damn, you're just going to give me up that easy?

I didn't even put up a fight.

>> Why would you want to date me?

>> What?

Why not?

You're really awesome.

You're smart.

You know all this romance stuff.

You're a really great teacher.

And I'm sure there's a lot more that you can show me.

>> Well, now that you're talking about it, I think there is plenty of other tricks and tips.

>> I can show you, yes.

>> Yes.

>> Let's put some of these all over you.

Come on.

So I hope you won't be too disappointed.

>> I'm sure I won't.

>> Good.

Take off my bendy.

Oh, yes.

Oh, God.

Oh, God, it's so good.

Oh, yes.

Oh, yes.

Oh, yes.

Oh, yes.

Oh, yes.

Oh, yes.

Oh, my God.

I know what you're doing.

It's so good.

Oh, yes, yes.

Oh, yes.

Oh, yes.

It's my turn now.

Okay, taking off those heels first, be more comfortable.

Interesting.

Good.

Oh, fuck.

Oh, fuck.

It's just like that.

Oh, that tastes so good.

>> It feels so fucking good.

>> Can't wait to have it inside.

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