Original subtitles

This programme contains strong language

Nice briefcase. Thank you. Yeah, it's, er, sustainable

and ethical, so...

Right, good morning, how are you?

Are you talking to me, or...?

Obviously.

Oh, I just thought you might be on the phone again.

No, not doing that any more.

Feeling good?

Oh, incredibly excited about this promotion.

My mum keeps, er, calling me every day

saying I've gotta go home for a celebratory dinner, which...

Shall we get started? Yeah.

Your first account. It's everything you wanted.

It's substantial, it's creative, it's fulfilling.

It's gambling. Yeah.

OK. I do have a few immediate thoughts.

Save them for the client, mate. Here she is now.

Marcia. This is Liam.

We're really excited

to be welcoming him to a senior creative role.

Positive to meet you.

Marcia, why don't you fill Liam in on the brief?

Yeah, sure,

so we're thinking about

the changing appeal of gambling for men in their 30s.

They're growing up, they have different priorities,

families to support

and they're saying, "Should I really be committing so much"

"to a pastime that carries a high risk"

"of me losing a devastating amount of money?"

And we are saying - yes.

Yes, you should.

In a responsible way.

Well, that's why we think Liam's right for this,

he's always thinking about the ethical,

whether that's sustainability or in a way of...

♪ This time I know I'm gonna smash the bet

♪ I foresee it smacked in the back of the net... ♪

Springtime,

and I have been offered an interview at Cambridge University -

the opportunity of a lifetime.

However, any jubilation had now given way to nervousness.

Gonna get interested or what?

It's the most important day of t' year. Grand National Day.

Actually knowing nothing about the sport,

Ralph had gone all in on a horse whose name he liked.

Go on, Second Silver!

Craggy had tried to pick the one with the nicest jockey's jersey,

but now found himself confused by the whole thing.

Go on. Which one even is it?

They all look exactly t' same.

And I had allowed Addy,

riding high after unexpectedly being predicted

an A grade in A-level maths,

to do the difficult work of choosing a horse

and filling the form in for me -

and the even more difficult work of giving a shit about the outcome too.

So, obviously, it's not in my faith to gamble meself

but I think I can still be excited for you. Go on, number five Baranco!

Fuck's sake, mine's fell over. Get back up.

It's not getting back up.

Oh, come on Second Silver, catch the fuck up.

Oh, no, Ralph, he's thrown t' rider off.

No, that's good, smart horse, makes it lighter.

Hey, Liam? Liam!

COMMENTATOR: as number five Baranco, in front,

is turning two or three lengths in front for Slippery Jim,

having his first ride at the Grand National -

and as they come up towards the line it's number five Baranco

who's up, jumped and outstayed them.

Liam, your thoughts?

Oh.

I was just remembering the first time I went to a betting shop,

er, watching the Grand National

with my mates aged 18 and I didn't really care about it,

but then my horse won

and I'd just been feeling so flat and suddenly it seemed like

life could take a completely unexpected turn,

it was just, um...

..an unforgettable feeling.

An unforgettable feeling.

I quite like that.

I'm really into the nostalgia angle.

Yeah, people are suckers for that.

RACE COMMENTARY CONTINUES

So what if me jockey fell off? He still came in t' top four.

I need me money back, me horse got shot.

I'm all right with trigonometry but it's algebra I'm worried about.

I won 70 quid? Are you serious?

Here, Addy, I owe you some of this, you picked them horses.

Nah, nah, I'm good.

Hiya, love. Hiya. Sorry I'm late,

I've been watching that Planet Earth

and there are these caribou,

and they were just trying to migrate, right, migrate 2,000 miles.

No other animal migrates that far -

but they get hunted on t' way by wolves,

and I'm watching it and I were thinking, "Them poor caribou,"

you know, why can't wolves just leave them alone?

But then I thought, wolves need to eat, don't they?

So either the caribou lives or the wolf does.

Made me feel quite sick, to be honest.

Still glad I watched it, though.

Anyway, why'd you tell me to meet you here?

Have you been gambling?

Of course not, these lot have.

Silly boys.

I know. Right, shall we go Red Hot World Buffett?

Yeah, right, I've decided what I wanted.

So, I think I might have Chinese to start...

What the fuck's a caribou?

Well, I should make a move,

I'm taking the Gambling Harm Select Committee out for lunch -

but good start, though.

It'd be great to get some more of your ideas

before we go to a contract on this.

You know, maybe I could take you for a bit of a night out on the company.

A night out?

In our industry, we tend to find that a lot of the best ideas

occur late at night after a few drinks.

Oh!

Well, count me in.

♪ 20 quid for blues who thrash the reds

♪ Then cash that cash when the ref has said... ♪

I probably should've been at home

preparing for my Cambridge interview,

but I was an impressionable 18-year-old boy

and this was the mid-2000s -

so, instead, I was playing Texas Hold 'Em poker in the living room.

Er, Craggy, it's your go, you're big blind.

Fuck off, I aren't big or blind, what you on about?

No, I mean you're two positions in front of t' dealer

so you need to check or raise.

I don't get this, me. That's it, I'm done.

You mean you fold? Yeah, whatever.

Let's see your cards.

What? You nearly had a flush!

I wanna flush this fuckin' poker set down t' toilet, me.

Rupert had demanded to get in on the action,

describing himself as a poker expert with an aggressive style of play.

Better fuckin' fold, Ralph, or I'll break your legs.

What did you have?

I had a pair of aces.

Three high.

Next hand, Rupert's deal.

Hurry up, mush.

Here, Addy, what shall I do?

You know I don't gamble.

I'm not asking you to gamble, I'm just asking for help.

If I had diamonds with anything higher than a six here,

I'd raise big blind times three.

Eeyah, is he right, Tinhead?

I ain't getting involved.

Geonbae. Sorry, pardon?

That's Korean for cheers.

Oh, OK.

I'm always saying stuff like that.

SHE LAUGHS

Dat ass just mai Wee.

That's Luxembourgish for that's just my way.

Oh. So I was interested in the idea that you had

around nostalgia in relation to gambling. Hey.

Bradley! Hi, what - what are you doing here?

I'm here for the night out, the hospitality night.

But that's tomorrow.

No, I, I got an email saying definitely tonight.

Fucking Corina.

I'm sorry, it's my assistant, Corina.

A bit useless. I'd sack her,

but I think that might be a breach of the auntie's code.

Um, yeah, great, sit down then, Bradley,

as you're here.

So, Bradley, this is Liam,

he's from the creative agency that we're working with.

Hey, Bradley.

Yeah.

Bradley, can I get you a drink?

Triple whisky and coke.

Wherever we went, there were opportunities to gamble.

My national winnings now nearly all frittered away,

I had Addy to try and help me salvage something.

What shall I do?

Nudge the left one.

Oh, for fuck's sake, Addy.

It's not my fault.

It's gotta drop soon, you can tell from t' sound of t' coin.

That's bollocks.

There's no way you can reliably tell when it's gonna drop

just from t' sound.

Fuck it, my last quid.

If you can make one heap of all your winnings

and risk it on one turn of pitch and toss and lose

and start again at your beginnings

and never breathe a word about your loss,

then you'll be a man my s...

Fucking bastard, I lost everything.

Oh, well...

30 quid I've just spunked in there, why did you tell me to do that?

I didn't tell you to do owt, you make your own fucking mistakes.

I've never seen Addy get like that before.

It's a fool's game, gambling.

Well, why you on that itbox all day, then?

Oh, this in't gambling, not for me.

Love the sliders, Bradley.

Oh, thanks.

So, how do you know Bradley?

Oh, Bradley is one of our VIP customers.

VIP?

Yeah. That is to say, he's one of our most, er...

..loved, er... friends.

Right. So, Bradley,

we were actually just in the middle of a meeting,

but if you're happy just playing on your phone, then, great.

I'm playing that new game you guys sent me.

Oh, yeah, that. Um...

Well, if I give you a call tomorrow,

then you can tell us what you think about it then.

I'll tell you now, that was the whole point of coming.

OK, yeah. Um...

I kinda... love it.

Well, that's brilliant. We'll feed that back to the team.

So, Bradley is, very kindly, testing out a new game for us.

Lost a lot of credits on it already, though.

Well, these things happen.

I can see myself getting the hang of it more,

you know, the more I play it.

That's the spirit.

At least you're not playing with real money, eh?

No, I am.

So, my gambling days were over.

Sure, I'd lost all my money

but who needed riches or excitement when I had my mates?

That is, except for Addy,

who hadn't been at the lads' house for days

and wasn't answering his phone.

I bet he got fed up of us gambling so much.

Craggy, who was especially close to Addy, was particularly thrown.

I just don't get it.

His parents said he in't at home either -

he never disappears, that's, like, his... his thing.

Say what you want about Addy but he's always there,

I just don't get it.

Just calm down, Craggy -

I know you're worried, but you're acting like a maniac.

Like I keep telling you,

he's probably just come to stay at Tania's. Watch.

No, he in't here. What?!

Just wait, Craggy. He's not here, Tania?

Nah, I ain't heard from him all week. What the...?!

Hang on, Craggy. Just... Sorry, Tania.

You've not heard from him all week?

I've been trying to call him, but I couldn't get through.

I mean, I were texting him on Tuesday about gazelles

but he said he were busy with coursework -

or were it Wednesday?

But you're saying you ain't heard from him anyway?

Well, that's a surprise to me because if he in't there

and he in't here, then I ain't got a clue where he is.

You what?! Well, we have to find Addy!

We looked everywhere we thought Addy might be -

sixth form, his parents' house,

the local garage where he sometimes did volunteer unpaid labour

just so he could be near the cars,

but then, just as we were starting to get truly worried...

..fucking doing? Get off me!

Get off him. Addy, mate, just breathe, yeah?

Ralph and I clearly assumed a kind of good cop, bad cop dynamic here.

I just don't understand this at all.

With Craggy alongside as a sort of confused cop.

This in't like you Addy, it don't make no sense.

Addy, just tell us what's been going on, mate. I don't wanna.

You'd better do, sunshine, or I'll put you through that window.

Addy, mate, come on, we're all best mates.

Fine. I've been gambling on the roulette machine.

Yeah, we can see that, you daft twat. Ralph, shut up.

Since when, Addy?

Well, just a couple of days,

I guess it was seeing you lot gamble so much and helping you win

that I just couldn't be a spectator no more.

So I started playing online poker but it's boring

and slow and it took ages to win any money,

so I started coming down here,

just to bet on horses at first

but then I saw this machine.

Just something about the wheel going around and the sound,

I wanted to work out the system to it, you know?

Like everything in the universe has got a system to it,

even if it looks like chaos -

and finally I think I've cracked it.

The system to this machine, I mean.

What's the system?

Basically, you generally lose more than you put in.

Right. Potentially quite a lot more.

So how much have you lost?

All of my savings. Like, 600 quid.

I wanted to borrow some money off you, you twat!

Oi! What's his mam and dad gonna say

when they find out he's lost all of his savings?

How are we gonna stop him from losing even more?

I just don't know. Take him behind t' garages

and smack him about a bit, that's t' only way.

Wait.

I've got an idea.

Tinhead, we need to talk to you about summat.

I knew this day would come.

It's Addy.

He's been gambling a lot, and he's lost a lot -

and, you know, I got a sense that maybe you...

For me it all started when I read about a bloke

who'd won a grand on who'd be selected as t' new Pope.

Well, that's my kind of thing, that, innit?

Turns out there's a whole market for it,

novelty bets, they call 'em.

So I got stuck in,

betting on who'd be next James Bond,

the specific words to come up in t' Queen's Speech,

amount of rainfall in April,

all sorts of nonsense...

..and for a while I were up, way up.

Planning to buy me mam a cruise.

And then I lost it all,

on a bet it would snow on Christmas Day...

..in Kuwait.

So what can Addy do now?

He won't be able to stop till he's hit rock bottom.

That could be weeks, months, years.

I'll bet you me shoes that Portsmouth beat Liverpool.

Should be able to stop now.

So what can we do?

I can only tell you what worked for me.

Lock him up for three days, stay by his side,

don't let him gamble.

Talk to him about how he wants his life to be from now on,

a life without gambling.

Suggest Gambler's Anonymous

and... you've gotta tell his mum and dad.

No way.

Thank you, Tinhead.

So we're not going to beat him up?

Three positive gambling-free days later, we felt hopeful for Addy.

You want a tea, mate?

Yes, please.

Um, actually I don't think we've got any milk... or teabags

Or mugs. Don't worry about it.

How you feeling, Addy?

First day of t' rest of your life, mate, a whole new chapter.

Yeah, about that -

I do appreciate you lot helping me out,

but there's something I ain't told ya.

Oh, God, I don't think my mind can take this. What is it?

I didn't just gamble me savings.

I took out a load of Bunga loans, and all -

about 500 quid's worth -

and in a couple of days the interest is gonna start kicking in

and by next weekend, I'll be two grand in debt.

Right, we're definitely beating him up now. You...

Addy, we've gotta tell your parents.

No. That in't happening. You don't understand what that'll mean.

Well, what other option have you got?

Look, I'm off to uni in September.

I can ignore it till then

and then work out what to do once I'm a bit older.

So, interest on Bunga is 5,853%.

At that percentage, by the time I graduate,

I'll be in debt by...

Back in a bit.

We decided to do what we could to help Addy.

We can give you our total savings of 300 quid.

Thank you.

I hope you don't mind me asking for the bill,

it's just I've got an early start tomorrow.

I'd better go up to the bar.

Yeah, just a sec.

How are you getting on?

I'm chasing, man. This is a chasey game.

What does chasing mean?

It means I'm chasing, what do you think?

Yeah, but chasing what?

Losses! I am chasing fucking losses.

OK? I've just lost two grand in two hours, OK?

Any more questions? God, you're like my fucking wife.

"Oh, what you doing Bradley?"

You know, "Why didn't you come to bed last night?"

"How can you afford to go to the Champions League final"

"when we suddenly can't afford new school shoes for Kieran?"

You happy now?

No.

Look, Bradley, I had a friend who had a gambling problem, and he...

I don't have a problem, mate.

Um, will you tell Marcia that, er...?

In fact, don't. Don't tell her anything.

DOOR OPENS

I've got the answer.

I'm gonna put some bets on.

OK, Ralph, now you can beat him up.

No, wait! It's not like that.

I've been reading about arbitrage betting.

Addy then took about an hour explaining arbitrage betting,

which roughly involves placing bets on all possible outcomes

in order to obtain a profit.

A particular form of this arose with the advent of betting websites

and the free promotional bets they offer to new customers,

it was possible to use freebies to back a bet on one betting site

and then use your own money to lay an equal bet

against your original bet on a betting exchange site.

These bets then represent all mutually exclusive outcomes

that cover all state space possibilities...

Well, the point is, it's fucking complicated.

But in theory you can't lose -

so technically it in't even gambling,

I just need you lot to give me that £300

so I can lay some bets on t' footie tonight.

But there in't even any footie tonight.

Do you not follow the Romanian second division?

FC Inter Gaz Bucuresti versus FC Petrolul.

The unmissable fixture.

We had everything sorted,

just in time for the game.

Go on...! Wait, who do we want to win again?

Win, lose, draw, it doesn't matter.

Wait, so you're saying you'll win whatever happens?

That's the idea.

I don't think I can take any more of this.

Well, I'm gonna be supporting Petrolul.

You would, fucking glory hunter.

No, I just like the way they build from deep midfield.

Boring, mate. Inter Gaz on counterattack all t' way for me.

Go on, Petrolul.

Go on, Inter Gaz!

Don't you wanna watch?

I'm just glad it's over.

Yes! Victory! Get in!

Ionut Voicu is a fuckin' liability. He shoulda gone off at half-time.

♪ Hai Petrolul, hai Petrolul

♪ Hai acum, echipa mea

♪ Hai Petrolul, hai Petrolul

♪ Lupta si vei castiga! ♪

It were a pretty good game, to be fair.

I don't believe this.

What is it, Addy?

I've been gubbed.

No, no, no, no, no, more of this!

What? Gubbed.

It means betting websites knew I was matched betting.

Hardly any of them have gone through.

Do you think they share information with each other?

What? You think online companies share information

with each other about individual customers?

Welcome to modernity, Ralph.

So what do we do now?

Nowt. It's over.

The next time we saw Addy,

he was coming to collect his stuff.

He was in the kind of trouble that's so serious

your parents are actually just really nice to you.

So what have they said?

Well, you might not be seeing me for a while.

Until then, I'll be keeping my head down,

working at t' fish tank shop and making tawbah.

What's that?

Oh, it means repentance in Arabic -

you know, doing right thing after doing wrong.

So Alan won't be sending you to hell?

I don't think so,

Allah doesn't see anyone as perfect.

We all make mistakes, it's what you do next what counts.

HE KNOCKS Um, could I have two minutes?

I'd best be off, then.

I appreciate you lads looking out for me.

Here, come on. Come here.

Um, I have quite a lot of tins of kidney beans

so I'm afraid I've had to throw a lot of your food away.

Oh, yeah, Craggy and Ralph had to get a lodger to replace Addy.

Colin, weird guy.

Yeah, man, been meaning to catch up with you.

Er, Marcia emailed

saying she wanted to apologise for last night, what happened?

Oh, it was nothing, really. Er, it doesn't matter.

Well, she said they also wanna put you on a retainer,

which means, er, you'll only be working on their stuff.

That'll be a nice little salary upper, mate.

Mm. So I need to, er...

30%.

Wait, is that...?

Sorry, is that 30% on top of the promotion pay rise?

Yeah.

Plus the signing on bonuses that you already... Sorry, er...

I actually came in here to quit,

so that's what I need to do.

What? You don't wanna work on the gambling account?

On any account, the whole job.

I quit.

Er, why?

Well, I tried to quit already, the other week,

but you just promoted me -

but it's... all the money, all the perks,

they're, er, worth nothing if the work is, at best,

meaningless and at worst, immoral.

So, I quit.

♪ Don't I make it look easy

♪ Don't I make it look good

♪ Now you drank up all my liquor, come on... ♪

You can't just quit, Liam.

Too late. I just have.

♪ What I'm s'posed to do now? ♪

Nah, I mean sort of administratively -

you literally just signed a new contract.

We'll have to do an exit meeting -

I dunno, we can expedite your notice if that's what you want,

but I have to speak to HR

and then, well, Torrin can send over your P45, and...

Could you actually forward all that onto...?

Forward it all onto your finger?

Yeah.

Doesn't quite cohere as a piece of communication, does it?

Fuck off, basically, is what I was trying to say.

That was it. Oh, OK.

♪ ..all that sh... Come on... ♪

Oh, you left this.

I don't want that.

Well, don't you want the stuff that's in it? There's nothing in it.

It's, er... just something that I was carrying around

to look important.

Cheers, then.

TV: This week's Roadshow is half in Lancashire and half in fairy land.

Hah.

In fact we're in Clitheroe, in the beautiful...

♪ My mate's out, his pad's a mess

♪ It's getting late I've not dashed yet

♪ The question I have to ask myself

♪ Is can I see us not battering them?

♪ If I can't see that happening then

♪ I'm gonna put all my money down on one fat bet

♪ Now I don't know the first thing about football

♪ But my instincts tell me this is my windfall

♪ It's his lucky day, that's a given

♪ He'll tick the box on the slip and then just watch and learn... ♪