Original subtitles

I swear I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna graduate you.

Yow!

I'll drink to that.

You know how I like to be you.

I used to think that my knowing facts was enough.

Some guys like crazy.

Believe me, dude. That's why.

I thought this was journalism 101. Not sex ed.

Excuse me, I need to get to see ass.

Any questions?

Boys lead to trouble.

I wouldn't know what to do with she baby.

You sure had a good idea what to do with me other night?

(music)

Hey, what's up?

Hey, there's stranger.

You didn't call.

So I thought I'd come into rehearsal.

Yeah, I was really thinking about what you told me, you know, how you lost financial aid.

That has nothing to do with you, Maxwell.

How are you gonna pay for your tuition?

I got bigger things to worry about right now.

Oh, yeah, I like what?

Um, like the dance performance?

I still don't have a partner.

(laughs)

Yeah, that's never gonna happen.

Aw, come on. I saw you at the bar.

A few lessons with Aaron and you rocked it.

Oh, yeah. Bridget of Cough's just shitting himself.

We'll do it together.

All right.

Okay.

Not you, but I'm one. See, you're getting it.

Well, it's about time, Maxwell.

I should be teaching, not working.

You lost a sheep too?

Don't tell me.

Don't disappear at all, so...

God, I'm telling you.

The moment those kids get laid, their brains turn to mush.

Really? Sounds kind of fun.

Well, yeah, unless you're the one covering their asses as they peer a wet into the sunset.

You're blaming me for this?

You are the one who taught Maxwell how to dance his way right into her pants.

And you taught her she should be shaking her moneymaker?

I don't even know what that means, but I like the way it sounds.

And there's nothing wrong with Maxwell exploring his artistic side.

You think I'm gonna let my star pupil prance away his business potential?

Or let my star pupil waste a chance of a dance career?

You're such a bad influence.

But you are so much worse.

The enemy is certain.

The motivation on his speaks.

Try to keep him moving.

I'm just thinking in the end.

Uh, uh.

Uh.

Uh.

You never will deny it.

Turn upon a part of your love and see.

You need to be...

Uh, fuck.

Uh.

I love you.

I want to have you meet the sun.

Uh.

Uh.

Uh.

Shut your fuck.

(music)

Never understand the how we sort of landed love to see.

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(laughter)

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You're my fault.

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You're my role to see.

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You're my role to see.

Uh.

Uh.

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Uh.

Uh.

Uh.

Uh.

You're my everyday.

(music)

You're the driving rain.

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You're the driving rain.

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You're the driving rain.

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You're the driving rain.

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You're the driving rain.

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You're the driving rain.

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Oh, my goodness.

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You're the driving rain.

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You're the driving rain.

You're the driving rain.

You're the driving rain.

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You're my role to see.

There's only one way we're going to settle this.

Go on.

We're going to have to sleep together.

Turn our own brains to mush.

I'm not sure about your brains to mush ratio as it is.

I wouldn't want you to risk whatever's left in there.

Really?

You think I'm as dumb as a pile of coats, don't you?

If you lose any more brain cells, you would need watering twice a week.

(laughs)

I hereby challenge you to a game of abstract strategy

where I will evaluate your opening and you can marvel in my Zwish and Zug.

I'm not sure what my opening evaluated or to see your...

Zwish and Zug?

Yeah.

It's an unexpected chess move.

(music)

Wow.

What did you learn that?

Back of a cereal box.

(music)

You want to play?

We'll play.

Winner of the chess match wins both students for a semester.

Deal.

(music)

So, how about you show me your opening?

(music)

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Hey Zach, what you doing?

I'm watching the cycle of life happening right before my eyes.

Life, death, rebirth,

birth,

Yeah.

It's a tree.

It's a celestial being.

Living, breathing, thing of beauty.

I guess it's kind of a cute tree.

You can't spend all day out here looking at dead leaves.

Shouldn't you be in class?

Universal, tell me where to go.

(music)

Find yourself with a need of fill up.

You have got to be kidding me.

Look, at least come help us at the bar tonight.

James is short staff.

Can't go there.

But I haven't found myself.

You're right here.

Actually, I'm wrong.

You're on another planet.

He said he saw light at the end of a tunnel.

A near death experience?

He ran into a tree.

Yeah, but he was out for a while, right?

I mean, he could have had some kind of life-changing vision.

Yeah, to dump me.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but weren't you going to dump him?

Yes, but that's not the point.

And what is the point, exactly?

You call yourself a therapist?

Actually, I call myself a career guidance counselor.

What does that even mean?

It means I help guide people towards their career.

Well, I'm sorry.

What makes you such a good guide-rancer?

Because I've been there.

I know what it feels like to be sitting exactly where you are right now.

That's great.

You've been on a couch.

That's some qualification.

It means that I've had the same challenges.

I didn't have a major, and I couldn't focus on a career path,

and I couldn't make my relationship work.

I'm sorry.

It's okay.

Look, with the help of my career guidance counselor,

I was able to work it all out.

I found a major.

I found a career.

And...

a girl?

For that, I think I'm going to need a little more guidance.

[music]

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Rolling over on a cradle mountain.

She'll be wearing pink when she arrives.

Lest there's something that she never told me now.

[music]

I love how a girl almost just had a kiss.

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I love the way a girl feels.

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I'm so glad you finally came out of the closet.

I came out to you. I didn't come out, come out.

But we are...

early?

Yeah. I'm just not comfortable coming out to the world.

Why not?

What if people reject you?

Yeah, that's scary. But what if your parents don't approve?

You can't live for them. This is your life.

I know. But what if this is all, you know?

No, I don't know.

A stepping stone?

I just took her in and she told me that her relationship with the girl only proved her that she wasn't gay.

If I come out now, there might be no way back.

You do need to make sure that this isn't just a passing phase. You're right. Coming out is a big decision.

I guess that you're just going to have to do what you have to do to figure it out.

[music]

We have to be more discreet. That student saw us and if she told anyone...

I think we're okay. She's getting one of my housemates. I don't think she'll say anything.

If the dean finds out or hears that I'm doing anything inappropriate with a student...

He won't. And it wasn't inappropriate. You were teaching me all kinds of things and everything who about myself.

Well, I have a pretty hands-on teacher.

[music]

You left the camera on?

Wow. I thought we could review the tapes privately.

You got it over the tape.

I will right after class. Good afternoon, students.

[music]

Anita? Anita Phillip?

[music]

[sigh]

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[sigh]

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt your...

It's okay, Zach. There's nothing to be ashamed of. I have a body. It gives me pleasure.

Me too. I mean, my body. Yours would too?

I'm so glad you came. I didn't. I swear.

You're Anita Phillip?

It's pronounced "feel up." It's Dutch.

Anita Phillip? All in good time. You're here to find yourself?

I am.

Well, then let me guide you.

First, you need to strip everything.

Oh, I could do that.

Release yourself from what was and embrace what is.

Are you ready to be truly free?

Close your eyes and get ready to experience true liberation.

[music]

Are you ready for Nirvana?

They got back together. Even the dead one?

Spiritual Nirvana.

He's a ghost. That's cool.

Open your eyes, Zach. Truly.

Open them for the first time and let the world see you for who you really are.

[music]

How do the feel, Zach?

Cold.

Very cold.

Your senses are coming alive. It's an amazing first step.

I'm so proud of you.

[music]

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Shot glasses? How did I know you turned this into a drinking game?

Just leveling the plane filled a little bit.

All right, let's do it.

Hold on. Yes, hold on.

Chest first.

Let's see how you deal with that.

Okay. How about that?

Very unexpected.

Come on, you damn thing.

Hey, douchebag. How about today?

It's a problem.

The registers decided to stop working.

I don't like the rest of James's class.

No problem.

How are we supposed to add up all the drink totals,

keep tabs open, and figure out the right change?

$62.

How'd you?

They... $23.

She owes $18.

Wow, I'm impressed. How'd you do that?

Don't you just put it in the face. Yes?

You're okay with this?

We're going to be together. You need to be sure.

But who should I...

That's for you to decide. I'm doing a drink.

[music]

Hey, stranger.

We need to get started on our film.

I know, I know.

What have you been doing?

You know, getting myself into trouble.

Of course.

Can I get a beer?

And a couple shots? $19.

I'll get these. You look like you could use a stiff drink.

Thanks, Larry. Maybe I could use something stiff.

[coughing]

You called me a few days ago in the middle of the night to tell me that you were leaving.

I was going to, and now you're staying?

Something kind of came up.

So now you drag me down here at this ungodly hour to tell me you're... staying?

Good God, Maxwell. Come on. Make up your mind, man.

Well...

It's just that I know how much this bar means to you, and...

I don't want to let you or James down.

Please.

You have no idea how many complaints I get every day to deal with that hellhole.

And don't think I don't know about the human pony riding contest or the...

the blue cheese buffet on the top of...

[knocking]

The hell is that?

[music]

Hello?

[music]

Pranksters?

[music]

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Oh! Hey! Don't you want to...

[coughing]

Don't you want to talk or something first?

You do want to fuck, don't you?

Well, yeah, of course, but...

I've been told I say that talk about...

Um, I don't know. We should maybe get to know a little about each other.

Oh, we will. Maybe we'll get to know a little about ourselves, too.

[groaning]

[sighing]

[sighing]

[sighing]

[sighing]

[sighing]

[sighing]

[sighing]

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I don't think you're in the best shape to do some editing right now.

Maybe you want to lie down.

Mm.

So did you hear from the ice princess?

She sent me a trout the other day.

She still thinks about you.

Sure. I still...

I still think about her.

So, when we got back together, were you thinking about her?

I guess...

A part of me was?

Ah, let me guess what part.

Ciara, this isn't like you. What's wrong?

[groaning]

Might be a stepping stone.

[music playing]

[sighing]

[sighing]

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Wow.

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[sighing]

(groaning)

(heavy breathing)

- J you just pulled the right foot that comes without the right lever.

I will show.

(heavy breathing)

- Oh.

(heavy breathing)

- Oh.

- Oh yeah, I want you, I really want you.

(heavy breathing)

(heavy breathing)

(heavy breathing)

(heavy breathing)

(heavy breathing)

(heavy breathing)

(heavy breathing)

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- Oh, oh, oh, oh.

- Is this supposed to make me laugh?

(heavy breathing)

(heavy breathing)

(heavy breathing)

(heavy breathing)

(heavy breathing)

(heavy breathing)

(heavy breathing)

(heavy breathing)

(heavy breathing)

(heavy breathing)

(heavy breathing)

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- Huh?

- Huh?

- Huh?

- Huh?

Huh?

Huh?

Huh?

- I'm a steak.

(heavy breathing)

- Oh, that was...

- I'm a steak.

(heavy breathing)

- What do we have here?

(heavy breathing)

(heavy breathing)

- You're a big children.

(heavy breathing)

- King takes queen.

- Hmm?

(heavy breathing)

- He takes king.

- Looks like we're not going anywhere here.

- I don't know about that.

(heavy breathing)

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(heavy breathing)

(heavy breathing)

(heavy breathing)

(heavy breathing)

(heavy breathing)

(heavy breathing)

(heavy breathing)

(heavy breathing)

- What are you doing here?

- I want you to use your questionable journalistic skills.

Do a little expose on James Tyler's new ball.

- We go behind the bar to discover why one drink beer could be your last.

- Can't believe it.

- Oh, James.

- Lay longer.

- Daniel.

(heavy breathing)

♪ She is never ever, never ever ♪

♪ Better than me and she's never ever ♪

♪ Never ever, never, better than me and she's never ever ♪

♪ Never, better than me, never, better than me ♪

♪

♪ So I was alone, there was a girl, but there is all it's okay ♪

(upbeat music)

[ Silence ]