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1
00:00:14,240 --> 00:00:16,640
Sorry to be a Cecil Spoilsport,
2
00:00:16,640 --> 00:00:19,760
but we can't ignore this
bullying report any longer.
3
00:00:19,760 --> 00:00:22,560
Apparently it's a bit
malum prohibitum.
4
00:00:22,560 --> 00:00:24,760
I got that Latin
from Legally Blonde.
5
00:00:24,760 --> 00:00:26,240
I really like that film.
6
00:00:26,240 --> 00:00:28,680
Shut up, you worthless
tae-kwon-dickhead.
7
00:00:30,160 --> 00:00:33,320
Who are they calling a bully?
I'm afraid it's you, Pritster.
8
00:00:33,320 --> 00:00:36,720
That's ridiculous. Does anyone here
think I'm a bully?
9
00:00:39,880 --> 00:00:42,080
Hey, this is my safe space.
10
00:00:42,080 --> 00:00:44,400
Get out from behind there,
you snivelling worms.
11
00:00:44,400 --> 00:00:48,760
And as for you, you foreign
succulent, you're deported.
12
00:00:48,760 --> 00:00:52,040
GLASS SMASHING
My best friend! Barnaby!
13
00:00:52,040 --> 00:00:54,480
SMASHING
14
00:00:54,480 --> 00:00:56,320
Barnaby's fucked.
15
00:00:56,320 --> 00:01:00,160
I'm not reading any signs of proper
bullying like we had at Eton.
16
00:01:00,160 --> 00:01:03,360
Pritster, did you use your
private secretary's naked buttocks
17
00:01:03,360 --> 00:01:05,200
as a toast rack?
No.
18
00:01:05,200 --> 00:01:07,960
Did you whack anyone's willy
with a whiff-whaff wacquet?
19
00:01:07,960 --> 00:01:09,920
I didn't understand one word
of that.
20
00:01:09,920 --> 00:01:11,880
Then we've got nothing
to worry about.
21
00:01:11,880 --> 00:01:15,000
Unless... Good Lord, you didn't make
Sir Philip eat the soggy biscuit?
22
00:01:15,000 --> 00:01:17,480
No.
Well, then, case closed.
23
00:01:17,480 --> 00:01:19,640
Still, you should probably
say something
24
00:01:19,640 --> 00:01:21,560
that sounds like an apology.
25
00:01:21,560 --> 00:01:24,960
I regret it if you weaklings
found my directness
26
00:01:24,960 --> 00:01:27,160
and dedication difficult to handle.
27
00:01:27,160 --> 00:01:29,280
You ripped my heart out of my body.
28
00:01:29,280 --> 00:01:31,080
It was unintentional.
29
00:01:31,080 --> 00:01:33,840
There we are, harmless banter.
30
00:01:33,840 --> 00:01:36,520
Hey, everyone,
let's all banter Hancock.
31
00:01:36,520 --> 00:01:38,840
HE WHIMPERS
32
00:01:38,840 --> 00:01:40,520
SHE LAUGHS
33
00:01:40,520 --> 00:01:42,440
I'm part of the gang.
34
00:01:45,560 --> 00:01:48,720
Mr President, it's time
for the pardoning ceremony.
35
00:01:48,720 --> 00:01:52,760
Good idea. I made a short list
of things to pardon myself for.
36
00:01:54,880 --> 00:01:57,600
No, I meant the Thanksgiving turkey.
37
00:01:57,600 --> 00:02:01,000
Gotcha. I'm gonna pardon it so good,
it's gonna be beautiful.
38
00:02:01,000 --> 00:02:02,360
TURKEY GOBBLES
39
00:02:02,360 --> 00:02:04,360
Howdy doody, Mr President.
40
00:02:05,880 --> 00:02:08,520
A talking turkey, huh?
College educated.
41
00:02:08,520 --> 00:02:09,920
Let's cut to the chase.
42
00:02:09,920 --> 00:02:12,360
If I pardon you,
what do I get in return?
43
00:02:12,360 --> 00:02:14,880
Well, how about we pardon
each other?
44
00:02:14,880 --> 00:02:17,160
You stay out of jail at Mar-a-Lago,
45
00:02:17,160 --> 00:02:19,960
I get a new identity
as a Canada goose.
46
00:02:19,960 --> 00:02:22,800
Pardoned by a turkey, sounds legit.
47
00:02:22,800 --> 00:02:24,920
But I should check
with my favourite mayor.
48
00:02:24,920 --> 00:02:26,440
Rudy Giuliani?
49
00:02:26,440 --> 00:02:29,600
I may be negotiating with a turkey,
but I'm not crazy.
50
00:02:29,600 --> 00:02:31,280
I meant Mayor Cheeseburger.
51
00:02:31,280 --> 00:02:34,080
Last time I gave you advice,
you ate me.
52
00:02:34,080 --> 00:02:36,160
It's your fault for being delicious.
53
00:02:36,160 --> 00:02:38,600
You want a deal? How about this,
54
00:02:38,600 --> 00:02:44,240
the turkey and me team up
as the Republican ticket in 2024?
55
00:02:44,240 --> 00:02:46,280
A burger and a turkey?
56
00:02:46,280 --> 00:02:48,800
I'd never beat that,
I won't allow it.
57
00:02:48,800 --> 00:02:51,840
In that case, we're eating you!
58
00:02:51,840 --> 00:02:53,960
TURKEY GOBBLES
59
00:02:53,960 --> 00:02:56,000
Cut it out! You win!
60
00:02:56,000 --> 00:03:00,360
As long as I'm not hallucinating
all of this, we've just conceded.
61
00:03:00,360 --> 00:03:02,880
Turkey, Mr Mayor,
happy Thanksgiving.
62
00:03:02,880 --> 00:03:05,560
TURKEY SQUEALS
63
00:03:05,560 --> 00:03:06,800
Huh.
64
00:03:06,800 --> 00:03:09,600
Once again, press gets it right.
65
00:03:10,680 --> 00:03:14,400
Brad Pitt! O-M-fuzzypants-G!
66
00:03:14,400 --> 00:03:17,720
Harry Styles, I like your... dress?
67
00:03:17,720 --> 00:03:20,560
Hey, I'm a badass
mother rock star, OK?
68
00:03:20,560 --> 00:03:24,280
This isn't a dress, it's a muumuu.
It's Hawaiian.
69
00:03:24,280 --> 00:03:27,000
So's my pizza, but I wouldn't
wear it with pearls.
70
00:03:27,000 --> 00:03:30,480
Oh, who am I kidding?
I'm not a badass at all.
71
00:03:30,480 --> 00:03:32,800
David Attenborough said
he'd kick me head in last week
72
00:03:32,800 --> 00:03:34,200
and it got a million likes.
73
00:03:34,200 --> 00:03:35,760
Jesus Christ.
74
00:03:35,760 --> 00:03:37,720
That's why I came to see you.
75
00:03:37,720 --> 00:03:39,960
I want everyone to know I'm hard.
76
00:03:39,960 --> 00:03:42,360
You're the most macho guy
in the world.
77
00:03:42,360 --> 00:03:44,560
Please produce my next music video.
78
00:03:44,560 --> 00:03:47,560
You're on.
I'll put some hair on your chest.
79
00:03:47,560 --> 00:03:49,720
Chest hair, what's that?
80
00:03:49,720 --> 00:03:52,880
Huh! You're like
a gorilla's grandpa.
81
00:03:52,880 --> 00:03:54,920
I trim it for my topless shots.
82
00:03:54,920 --> 00:03:59,960
Now, let's make a video
Guns N' Roses would be proud of.
83
00:03:59,960 --> 00:04:04,880
# Watermelon sauce is fine
Yummy like a glass of wine
84
00:04:04,880 --> 00:04:07,480
# Yummy yummy yummy yum
85
00:04:07,480 --> 00:04:09,800
# Tummy tummy tummy tum. #
86
00:04:09,800 --> 00:04:13,480
Oh! I look like Jason Statham!
87
00:04:13,480 --> 00:04:14,640
What happened?
88
00:04:14,640 --> 00:04:17,640
I gave you a guitar to smash and
you swapped it for shooting bubbles.
89
00:04:17,640 --> 00:04:19,960
I popped one, that's macho.
90
00:04:19,960 --> 00:04:21,840
Let's try again.
91
00:04:23,400 --> 00:04:25,640
# Watermelon sauce is great
92
00:04:25,640 --> 00:04:28,520
# Spit the seeds on your plate... #
93
00:04:28,520 --> 00:04:32,120
Huh, putting in some Brad action
usually does the trick.
94
00:04:32,120 --> 00:04:33,960
You broke my twirly.
95
00:04:33,960 --> 00:04:36,040
Maybe you're not the right man
for the job.
96
00:04:36,040 --> 00:04:37,720
Wait, wait, wait, I got it.
97
00:04:37,720 --> 00:04:39,760
Let's go up against the elements.
98
00:04:39,760 --> 00:04:41,760
You alone...
99
00:04:41,760 --> 00:04:45,000
the raging sea... a mythical beast.
100
00:04:45,000 --> 00:04:46,920
# Watermelon sauce so yum
101
00:04:46,920 --> 00:04:50,240
# Makes me tingly in my tum. #
102
00:04:51,960 --> 00:04:54,720
You nailed it, Brad.
I did?
103
00:04:54,720 --> 00:04:57,080
You can see my ink, my tats.
104
00:04:57,080 --> 00:05:00,280
Nothing says macho like
a tummy tattoo of a butterfly.
105
00:05:00,280 --> 00:05:02,160
Oh!
106
00:05:02,160 --> 00:05:04,000
# Watermelon sauce is fine. #
107
00:05:04,000 --> 00:05:06,320
Hi, it's everyone's
favourite Rishi,
108
00:05:06,320 --> 00:05:08,600
Rishi with the budget announcement.
109
00:05:08,600 --> 00:05:12,080
In a UK government first,
I'm accompanied by an interpreter
110
00:05:12,080 --> 00:05:13,560
for the politically deaf.
111
00:05:15,280 --> 00:05:17,880
We have been borrowing,
but there's no need for concern.
112
00:05:19,640 --> 00:05:21,320
The outlook for growth is positive.
113
00:05:21,320 --> 00:05:24,920
Your jobs are safe, your homes
are safe, your savings are safe.
114
00:05:24,920 --> 00:05:27,080
GLUGGING
115
00:05:27,080 --> 00:05:28,760
And you will have food
on your table.
116
00:05:31,640 --> 00:05:35,560
We're turning the corner
and the future looks bright.
117
00:05:45,480 --> 00:05:47,280
Dad, it's me, Taylor.
118
00:05:47,280 --> 00:05:48,680
I'm home for the holidays
119
00:05:48,680 --> 00:05:51,520
on our family Christmas tree farm
that I grew up on.
120
00:05:51,520 --> 00:05:54,400
True thing. Check Wikipedia.
121
00:05:54,400 --> 00:05:58,320
I just love the snow and the trees
and our little tree elves.
122
00:05:58,320 --> 00:06:00,800
They're called migrant workers,
Taylor.
123
00:06:00,800 --> 00:06:03,640
Shoo! Shoo!
Come on, come on.
124
00:06:03,640 --> 00:06:05,040
People say I'm a fake
125
00:06:05,040 --> 00:06:07,760
because I'm always late
jumping on social bandwagons,
126
00:06:07,760 --> 00:06:10,760
but here, I'm as real
as my unicorn frappuccino.
127
00:06:10,760 --> 00:06:12,160
SHE SLURPS
128
00:06:12,160 --> 00:06:15,640
Well, enjoy the farm while you can
cos it's going out of business.
129
00:06:15,640 --> 00:06:17,440
What?!
130
00:06:17,440 --> 00:06:20,880
Damn it, Bubba Scott, never tell her
bad news when she's frappin'!
131
00:06:20,880 --> 00:06:22,640
No-one's buying trees.
132
00:06:22,640 --> 00:06:27,560
Thanks to the damn elitist liberati
that declared war on Christmas.
133
00:06:27,560 --> 00:06:30,200
Careful, Dad,
I'm an inclusive liberal
134
00:06:30,200 --> 00:06:32,320
since it tested well
in my demographics.
135
00:06:32,320 --> 00:06:35,240
Look!
'My fellow Americans,
136
00:06:35,240 --> 00:06:37,920
'everyone knows I'm the greatest man
that ever walked the Earth.
137
00:06:37,920 --> 00:06:41,240
'Now it's time to put up a monument
to number two, little baby Jesus.
138
00:06:41,240 --> 00:06:43,320
'I will pay $10 million
139
00:06:43,320 --> 00:06:46,160
'for the biggest White House
Christmas tree ever
140
00:06:46,160 --> 00:06:48,840
'but it has to be huge, really huge,
huger than my...'
141
00:06:48,840 --> 00:06:51,320
OK, we know.
That's it.
142
00:06:51,320 --> 00:06:53,720
Dad, what's our tallest tree?
143
00:06:53,720 --> 00:06:56,680
An Ol' General Hancock,
cranky Scotch pine.
144
00:06:56,680 --> 00:06:59,040
But he's not "huge".
145
00:06:59,040 --> 00:07:00,400
We have four weeks,
146
00:07:00,400 --> 00:07:04,680
enough time to grow General Hancock
tall enough and save the farm.
147
00:07:04,680 --> 00:07:06,840
It'll be a Christmas miracle.
148
00:07:10,760 --> 00:07:14,120
Shoo! Come on, get out of here.
149
00:07:15,600 --> 00:07:17,840
Well, that steak was delicious.
150
00:07:17,840 --> 00:07:20,600
Now, what to have for dessert.
151
00:07:20,600 --> 00:07:22,920
You should have the steak.
I just got a steak.
152
00:07:22,920 --> 00:07:24,880
So, clearly, you like it.
153
00:07:24,880 --> 00:07:26,320
So I recommend you reorder it.
154
00:07:26,320 --> 00:07:28,240
People who buy steak also buy bacon,
155
00:07:28,240 --> 00:07:30,480
phone chargers
and lawn fertiliser.
156
00:07:30,480 --> 00:07:32,880
This is weird.
I'm sorry.
157
00:07:32,880 --> 00:07:34,440
I'm tense because...
158
00:07:35,480 --> 00:07:37,320
OK, will you marry me?
159
00:07:48,320 --> 00:07:49,680
Oh!
160
00:07:49,680 --> 00:07:51,840
It's a sapphire! My favourite.
161
00:07:51,840 --> 00:07:54,080
And it fits perfectly.
162
00:07:54,080 --> 00:07:56,040
I had Alexa scan your body
163
00:07:56,040 --> 00:07:59,400
then cross-reference our database
of four billion customers
164
00:07:59,400 --> 00:08:01,640
to match size, weight
and stone preference.
165
00:08:01,640 --> 00:08:05,320
You had Alexa scan my body?
Breasts first.
166
00:08:05,320 --> 00:08:07,800
That is creepy and invasive.
167
00:08:07,800 --> 00:08:10,320
Creepy and invasive
is how I make people happy.
168
00:08:10,320 --> 00:08:12,720
Well... it is a nice ring
169
00:08:12,720 --> 00:08:16,080
and you are the richest man
on Earth.
170
00:08:16,080 --> 00:08:17,880
OK, back to dessert.
171
00:08:17,880 --> 00:08:20,160
You should get the bran muffin.
You're constipated.
172
00:08:20,160 --> 00:08:21,480
How do you know that?
173
00:08:21,480 --> 00:08:23,480
Alexa smells your farts.
174
00:08:25,440 --> 00:08:28,960
Folks, the presidential transition
is finally underway.
175
00:08:28,960 --> 00:08:33,480
I picked my Secretary of State,
my Secretary of the Treasury...
176
00:08:33,480 --> 00:08:35,600
Adele, are you singing
at the inauguration?
177
00:08:35,600 --> 00:08:39,080
Ha! No, mate.
I'm the Secretary of Defence.
178
00:08:39,080 --> 00:08:42,400
# Whoa, whoa, whoa! #
179
00:08:42,400 --> 00:08:44,160
That's gonna shake 'em up in Iran.
180
00:08:44,160 --> 00:08:47,680
It's great to have a responsible,
law-abiding President in office.
181
00:08:47,680 --> 00:08:50,640
Can I give you a tip? You can't
go wrong with drone strikes.
182
00:08:50,640 --> 00:08:52,720
Zip, boom, bang, no questions asked.
183
00:08:52,720 --> 00:08:54,560
Could you write that down for me?
184
00:08:54,560 --> 00:08:56,080
I already did...
185
00:08:56,080 --> 00:08:59,640
in A Promised Land,
about an administration
186
00:08:59,640 --> 00:09:02,000
where character and integrity
really counted.
187
00:09:02,000 --> 00:09:04,960
$45 in finer book stores.
Who wants an autographed copy?
188
00:09:04,960 --> 00:09:08,680
I'm cool. I said, who wants
my support in the next election?
189
00:09:08,680 --> 00:09:10,080
I'll take a copy.
190
00:09:10,080 --> 00:09:12,280
50 bucks, $5 shipping.
191
00:09:12,280 --> 00:09:14,720
# Whoa, whoa! #
192
00:09:14,720 --> 00:09:16,840
Save it for the Taliban, Adele.
193
00:09:16,840 --> 00:09:19,040
Now to make the toughest choice
of all,
194
00:09:19,040 --> 00:09:22,960
one that will impact all Americans
every single day.
195
00:09:22,960 --> 00:09:24,200
Attorney General?
196
00:09:24,200 --> 00:09:26,040
The new host of Jeopardy.
197
00:09:26,040 --> 00:09:28,200
Ooh, yikes.
Whoa!
198
00:09:28,200 --> 00:09:30,360
What is "glad I'm not president"?
199
00:09:30,360 --> 00:09:33,120
Now, who's ready to pre-order
Volume Two?
200
00:09:33,120 --> 00:09:35,280
Er... OK.
Yeah.
201
00:09:40,320 --> 00:09:41,600
Good Old General Hancock.
202
00:09:41,600 --> 00:09:44,000
I grew up playing on your branches.
203
00:09:44,000 --> 00:09:46,000
Here's something to help you grow,
204
00:09:46,000 --> 00:09:49,160
hush puppies and magnolia tea.
205
00:09:49,160 --> 00:09:53,520
Very Nashville considering you
actually grew up in Philadelphia.
206
00:09:53,520 --> 00:09:55,080
Yes, but market research shows
207
00:09:55,080 --> 00:09:57,240
that people prefer
my fake Southern roots.
208
00:09:57,240 --> 00:09:59,160
Taylor, this tree
already growed a foot
209
00:09:59,160 --> 00:10:00,320
or I'm in short skirts.
210
00:10:00,320 --> 00:10:01,680
But you can't stop now.
211
00:10:01,680 --> 00:10:03,880
I hear even foreigners are trying
212
00:10:03,880 --> 00:10:06,280
to win this Christmas tree contest.
213
00:10:08,560 --> 00:10:10,760
Once I produce the world's
biggest Christmas tree,
214
00:10:10,760 --> 00:10:14,480
the world will finally stop saying
I look like Pooh Bear.
215
00:10:16,160 --> 00:10:18,160
Oh, bother.
216
00:10:18,160 --> 00:10:21,000
How is our giant
Christmas tree coming?
217
00:10:21,000 --> 00:10:23,560
Did you inject it
with tree growth hormone?
218
00:10:23,560 --> 00:10:26,760
We got mixed up and injected it
with human growth hormone.
219
00:10:26,760 --> 00:10:30,080
What did you do with
the tree growth hormone?
220
00:10:30,080 --> 00:10:32,360
We gave it to our
Olympic swimming team.
221
00:10:36,400 --> 00:10:39,080
Goodbye, Lee,
off to my college courses.
222
00:10:39,080 --> 00:10:41,440
Oh, right, er... see you later.
223
00:10:41,440 --> 00:10:44,640
Lee, when will you be
going back to work?
224
00:10:44,640 --> 00:10:46,040
I don't know if I will.
225
00:10:46,040 --> 00:10:49,200
I mean, obviously I want to,
226
00:10:49,200 --> 00:10:50,840
but I'll probably just
work from home.
227
00:10:50,840 --> 00:10:52,000
You're a roofer.
228
00:10:52,000 --> 00:10:55,520
Yeah, but it's amazing what
you can do on all these video calls.
229
00:10:55,520 --> 00:10:58,160
I mean, it's not like I'm planning
to lie on the sofa
230
00:10:58,160 --> 00:11:00,840
watching The Dam Busters
on Channel 5 at five past two.
231
00:11:00,840 --> 00:11:02,880
That's very reassuring.
232
00:11:02,880 --> 00:11:05,440
Yeah, and being at home's better
for the environment.
233
00:11:05,440 --> 00:11:07,680
Think of all the emissions
from my van.
234
00:11:07,680 --> 00:11:09,680
If I'm here watching
The Dam Busters,
235
00:11:09,680 --> 00:11:13,200
I mean, working from home,
there's none of that.
236
00:11:13,200 --> 00:11:15,640
Oh, that's a very good point.
237
00:11:15,640 --> 00:11:17,960
I will stay home too.
What?
238
00:11:17,960 --> 00:11:21,360
Instead of taking a bus,
I can do my lessons on Zoom.
239
00:11:21,360 --> 00:11:23,640
Then we can both help
the environment
240
00:11:23,640 --> 00:11:25,320
and we can have lunch together
241
00:11:25,320 --> 00:11:27,640
and worry about
the melting ice caps.
242
00:11:27,640 --> 00:11:28,800
Lovely.
243
00:11:30,560 --> 00:11:33,120
Your tea, sir. Extra weak.
244
00:11:33,120 --> 00:11:34,360
A quiet night?
245
00:11:34,360 --> 00:11:36,240
HE SNIFFS
No, Aneurin.
246
00:11:36,240 --> 00:11:39,640
With the heightened senses
of the Fox, I smell trouble.
247
00:11:39,640 --> 00:11:41,600
Or possibly some spoilt cat food.
248
00:11:41,600 --> 00:11:45,120
Either way, Foxman is on the prowl.
249
00:11:45,120 --> 00:11:46,600
I'll brush up the fox tail.
250
00:11:46,600 --> 00:11:50,040
Batman watches over Gotham
from the bat's high perch,
251
00:11:50,040 --> 00:11:53,280
I shall guard London
from the Fox's lair.
252
00:11:56,880 --> 00:11:58,400
FOX YOWLS
253
00:12:02,680 --> 00:12:04,800
ALARM RINGS
254
00:12:04,800 --> 00:12:07,560
This robbery is over.
255
00:12:08,840 --> 00:12:12,360
Oh, my God, it's my fiscally
irresponsible nemesis, The Borrower.
256
00:12:12,360 --> 00:12:13,840
Foxman!
257
00:12:13,840 --> 00:12:17,880
You have contravened Section 81
of the 1968 Theft Act.
258
00:12:17,880 --> 00:12:19,560
Hand over the money, Borrower.
259
00:12:19,560 --> 00:12:22,400
That's exactly what I'm gonna do,
hand it out...
260
00:12:22,400 --> 00:12:23,640
for the next furlough.
261
00:12:23,640 --> 00:12:26,240
You see, we're very alike,
you and I.
262
00:12:26,240 --> 00:12:28,960
You mean, we both have nice,
thick heads of hair?
263
00:12:28,960 --> 00:12:31,400
And we both want to help
the common man.
264
00:12:31,400 --> 00:12:32,600
I see.
265
00:12:32,600 --> 00:12:35,200
Are you sure this money isn't
going on a crowd-pleasing boost
266
00:12:35,200 --> 00:12:36,280
to defence spending?
267
00:12:36,280 --> 00:12:39,480
Well, obviously we have
to take national security
268
00:12:39,480 --> 00:12:40,880
into consideration.
269
00:12:40,880 --> 00:12:42,080
I knew it!
270
00:12:42,080 --> 00:12:45,120
Your days of running up
an eye-watering deficit are over.
271
00:12:45,120 --> 00:12:46,280
With these handcuffs,
272
00:12:46,280 --> 00:12:48,680
which I use under
the reasonable force guidelines,
273
00:12:48,680 --> 00:12:51,440
as set out in
the Police Act of 1972,
274
00:12:51,440 --> 00:12:53,200
I will see that you...
275
00:12:53,200 --> 00:12:54,320
Oh.
276
00:12:55,280 --> 00:12:58,560
Oh. You are a cunning foe, Borrower.
277
00:12:58,560 --> 00:13:00,120
But I will track you down.
278
00:13:00,120 --> 00:13:04,000
If not tonight, then during
regular Parliamentary Question Time.
279
00:13:05,920 --> 00:13:10,800
Foxman is bold, but he reckons
without his true enemy...
280
00:13:10,800 --> 00:13:12,440
The Joke.
281
00:13:12,440 --> 00:13:14,200
Ha-ha-ha-ha!
282
00:13:14,200 --> 00:13:17,560
MENACING LAUGHTER
283
00:13:17,560 --> 00:13:19,840
You know you've got stuff
all over your face, right?
284
00:13:19,840 --> 00:13:21,280
Yes, I fell into my pudding.
285
00:13:21,280 --> 00:13:23,880
Yumminess maximus.
286
00:13:26,360 --> 00:13:29,440
I hate this film, The Dam Busters.
287
00:13:29,440 --> 00:13:32,360
They are destroying
hydroelectric facilities
288
00:13:32,360 --> 00:13:34,560
that produce clean,
emission-free power.
289
00:13:34,560 --> 00:13:36,640
Yeah, you said.
Shall we just watch it?
290
00:13:36,640 --> 00:13:39,120
And there is exactly one woman.
291
00:13:39,120 --> 00:13:41,200
Actually, I think I will
go back to work.
292
00:13:41,200 --> 00:13:45,280
Oh, no, you will stay here
and take notes
293
00:13:45,280 --> 00:13:48,280
and then we will go picket
the producer's house.
294
00:13:48,280 --> 00:13:50,920
You know what, Greta?
What?
295
00:13:50,920 --> 00:13:52,560
You're amazing.
296
00:14:03,800 --> 00:14:07,440
Why, if it isn't some practically
perfect billionaires.
297
00:14:07,440 --> 00:14:09,440
And Richard Branson.
298
00:14:09,440 --> 00:14:13,080
We realised that New Zealand
is the safest place on Earth.
299
00:14:13,080 --> 00:14:15,640
And it's easier to get to than Mars.
300
00:14:15,640 --> 00:14:16,800
Just.
301
00:14:16,800 --> 00:14:18,320
I'll buy the North Island.
302
00:14:18,320 --> 00:14:19,720
I'll buy the South Island.
303
00:14:19,720 --> 00:14:21,600
I'll buy whatever is in between.
304
00:14:21,600 --> 00:14:24,720
Well, we're happy to have you
for the holidays
305
00:14:24,720 --> 00:14:27,680
as long as you sing.
306
00:14:28,760 --> 00:14:32,520
# It's a jolly Christmas
with Jacinda
307
00:14:32,520 --> 00:14:36,640
# New Zealand is so very far away
308
00:14:36,640 --> 00:14:40,280
# We aren't very fond of immigration
309
00:14:40,280 --> 00:14:44,440
# But if you've got a billion
You can stay
310
00:14:44,440 --> 00:14:48,400
# Everybody here is really happy
311
00:14:48,400 --> 00:14:52,600
# Everybody does as they are told
312
00:14:52,600 --> 00:14:56,280
# It's a jolly Christmas
With Jacinda
313
00:14:56,280 --> 00:15:00,400
# It's summer
But it's really fucking cold. #
314
00:15:00,400 --> 00:15:04,480
But, Jacinda, Elon Musk tested
positive for coronavirus.
315
00:15:04,480 --> 00:15:08,000
We can't have anyone
complaining about that.
316
00:15:14,200 --> 00:15:15,880
Once upon a time,
317
00:15:15,880 --> 00:15:19,640
a mother and her son lived
on a farm in the country.
318
00:15:19,640 --> 00:15:22,880
Jack, what happened to our cow?
319
00:15:22,880 --> 00:15:25,760
I set her free, Mother.
I've decided I'm vegan.
320
00:15:25,760 --> 00:15:27,360
Oh, but what will I eat?
321
00:15:27,360 --> 00:15:30,600
I need healthy red meat
for my anaemia.
322
00:15:30,600 --> 00:15:32,040
I've got soy beans.
323
00:15:32,040 --> 00:15:34,320
They'll supply all the protein
and nutrients you need.
324
00:15:34,320 --> 00:15:36,080
It's practically magic.
325
00:15:36,080 --> 00:15:39,040
Oh! Oh, no!
326
00:15:39,040 --> 00:15:42,160
Jack was right,
those beans were magic
327
00:15:42,160 --> 00:15:45,040
and they grew a giant beanstalk
328
00:15:45,040 --> 00:15:47,760
right to a foreign country
full of giants.
329
00:15:47,760 --> 00:15:51,200
Fee-fi-fo funtry,
330
00:15:51,200 --> 00:15:55,360
I'm going to live in your country.
331
00:15:55,360 --> 00:15:57,840
Jack, get my shotgun!
332
00:15:57,840 --> 00:16:01,200
I gave that away too.
I'm opposed to self-protection.
333
00:16:01,200 --> 00:16:03,520
GIANT GROWLS
334
00:16:06,440 --> 00:16:10,520
Don't let anyone take away
your beef and guns!
335
00:16:14,080 --> 00:16:17,040
Movie celebrities,
we need your help.
336
00:16:17,040 --> 00:16:19,680
This year,
the Oscars have a problem.
337
00:16:19,680 --> 00:16:21,320
No Black film makers?
338
00:16:21,320 --> 00:16:23,480
No vagina film makers. Vagina.
339
00:16:23,480 --> 00:16:25,360
Worse, no movies.
340
00:16:25,360 --> 00:16:27,680
Well, there was one movie - Tenet.
341
00:16:27,680 --> 00:16:29,680
Yeah, but nobody made it to the end.
342
00:16:29,680 --> 00:16:32,040
Hey, this is an opportunity.
343
00:16:32,040 --> 00:16:34,320
Why not throw the Oscars open
to anything.
344
00:16:34,320 --> 00:16:36,160
Any video shot by a celebrity.
345
00:16:36,160 --> 00:16:37,760
I like it.
Genius.
346
00:16:37,760 --> 00:16:39,880
Or you could just admit
347
00:16:39,880 --> 00:16:43,560
that the Oscars are a giant hypefest
that nobody cares about
348
00:16:43,560 --> 00:16:44,640
and cancel them.
349
00:16:44,640 --> 00:16:47,320
Kevin, what did I say
about being negative?
350
00:16:47,320 --> 00:16:48,840
Don't you put me in a cooler!
351
00:16:48,840 --> 00:16:50,160
No!
352
00:16:50,160 --> 00:16:52,560
MUFFLED SHOUTS
353
00:16:55,600 --> 00:16:58,240
I don't know how, Taylor,
but you did it.
354
00:16:58,240 --> 00:17:02,680
General Hancock is big enough
to win the Christmas tree contest.
355
00:17:02,680 --> 00:17:06,800
You ready to murder a tree,
Dick Chainy?!
356
00:17:06,800 --> 00:17:08,200
Ha-ha!
357
00:17:08,200 --> 00:17:10,000
It's time to cut him down?
358
00:17:10,000 --> 00:17:13,720
Oh! I never thought this day
would come.
359
00:17:13,720 --> 00:17:16,400
I kind of fell in love with him.
360
00:17:16,400 --> 00:17:20,000
Oh, sweetie,
you got a tender heart.
361
00:17:20,000 --> 00:17:23,520
Grab some goggles,
it's gonna be flying tree guts!
362
00:17:23,520 --> 00:17:26,880
CHAINSAW STARTS
Can I have a moment to say goodbye?
363
00:17:26,880 --> 00:17:29,600
Well, sure, but tick-tock.
364
00:17:29,600 --> 00:17:32,960
# Lost little girl
Taking her chances
365
00:17:32,960 --> 00:17:35,960
# Searching for roots
Got caught in your branches
366
00:17:35,960 --> 00:17:38,720
# I packed my trunk
Went out on a limb
367
00:17:38,720 --> 00:17:42,080
# Now I must give you
The ultimate trim
368
00:17:43,640 --> 00:17:45,680
# Christmas trim
369
00:17:45,680 --> 00:17:49,160
# I wanna be strong
Don't wanna be sappy
370
00:17:49,160 --> 00:17:52,440
# But your car freshener smell
Makes me so happy
371
00:17:52,440 --> 00:17:55,640
# When you needle me
You're all bark and no bite
372
00:17:55,640 --> 00:17:58,560
# And now I must say
Woo-oo-oo
373
00:17:58,560 --> 00:18:02,200
# The final good...
Woo-oo-oo #
374
00:18:02,200 --> 00:18:04,680
Oh, God, just fucking kill me
already.
375
00:18:04,680 --> 00:18:07,680
What?
I hate your terrible music.
376
00:18:10,120 --> 00:18:11,960
Oh, hell no!
377
00:18:11,960 --> 00:18:13,240
CHAINSAW STARTS
378
00:18:13,240 --> 00:18:17,400
Hurry, I can still hear it
in my brain.
379
00:18:18,680 --> 00:18:22,080
The prize for biggest tree goes
to Taylor Swift
380
00:18:22,080 --> 00:18:25,080
who, by the way,
is a big loser who hates me.
381
00:18:25,080 --> 00:18:28,240
I saved the farm and learned
a wonderful Christmas lesson.
382
00:18:28,240 --> 00:18:31,400
If someone disses you,
slice him through the brain
383
00:18:31,400 --> 00:18:33,160
and write a hella good song.
384
00:18:34,760 --> 00:18:37,920
# If the tree is gonna throw
Shade, shade, shade, shade
385
00:18:37,920 --> 00:18:40,920
# I'm just gonna
Cut, cut, cut, cut, cut
386
00:18:40,920 --> 00:18:44,080
# Cut it down
Cut it down. #
387
00:18:44,080 --> 00:18:46,840
I'm dead and it still hurts!
388
00:18:52,880 --> 00:18:55,000
Ha-ha! That'll be my new wig.
389
00:18:55,000 --> 00:18:57,280
Fantastic.
Leave it there and fuck off.
390
00:18:57,280 --> 00:18:59,760
Elton.
Shut up, David!
391
00:19:03,080 --> 00:19:06,480
You can put the VAT return forward
into the next quarter...
392
00:19:06,480 --> 00:19:08,520
Colin?
393
00:19:08,520 --> 00:19:10,920
Colin? You've frozen, mate.
394
00:19:10,920 --> 00:19:12,560
Double-O sod it!
395
00:19:15,960 --> 00:19:18,680
And so the dark night continues
396
00:19:18,680 --> 00:19:20,960
with no sign of activity
397
00:19:20,960 --> 00:19:23,320
on the security camera
in my back garden.
398
00:19:23,320 --> 00:19:27,000
Wait, it looks like possibly
a cat or fox.
399
00:19:29,080 --> 00:19:30,440
No, it's nothing.
400
00:19:30,440 --> 00:19:32,600
Will something fucking happen!
401
00:19:37,680 --> 00:19:41,160
Kim, I dropped my damn phone
down the toilet.
402
00:19:41,160 --> 00:19:43,640
And the Oscar goes to...
403
00:19:43,640 --> 00:19:45,160
Oh, vagina.
404
00:19:45,160 --> 00:19:46,320
..Tenet.
405
00:19:47,560 --> 00:19:50,680
And now, a moment of silence
for James Corden.
406
00:19:59,200 --> 00:20:00,880
Oh, amazing.
407
00:20:00,880 --> 00:20:03,240
APPLAUSE
What an honour!
408
00:20:03,240 --> 00:20:06,160
So touching. Amazing!
409
00:20:06,160 --> 00:20:07,560
GUNSHOT
410
00:20:07,560 --> 00:20:10,520
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
411
00:20:10,520 --> 00:20:13,400
All right, we got 15 minutes
to clear out the White House
412
00:20:13,400 --> 00:20:14,640
before Biden moves in.
413
00:20:14,640 --> 00:20:17,280
Take anything
that's not nailed down.
414
00:20:18,360 --> 00:20:21,920
This copper will fetch a pretty
penny at the Chinese market.
415
00:20:21,920 --> 00:20:26,600
Mr President, the used car dealer,
you have a car for sale?
416
00:20:27,600 --> 00:20:29,720
Right, the presidential limo.
417
00:20:29,720 --> 00:20:31,120
She's a sweet ride.
418
00:20:31,120 --> 00:20:32,720
$1,500?
419
00:20:32,720 --> 00:20:36,680
Make it $1,200.
That's called "the art of the deal".
420
00:20:36,680 --> 00:20:38,280
Biden's on his way.
421
00:20:38,280 --> 00:20:39,640
All right, everybody out.
422
00:20:39,640 --> 00:20:43,200
Hee-hee! I've left a surprise
for little old Joe,
423
00:20:43,200 --> 00:20:45,960
some smart, very smart,
stable genius booby traps.
424
00:20:45,960 --> 00:20:48,480
It's been an honour
serving you, sir.
425
00:20:50,720 --> 00:20:53,160
I'm the best thing that
ever happened to you, baby.
426
00:20:57,880 --> 00:21:01,600
Crap, I still need to leave
my presidential goodbye letter.
427
00:21:01,600 --> 00:21:03,560
I wrote it in stink ink.
428
00:21:05,120 --> 00:21:07,680
Ooh! My booby trap!
429
00:21:07,680 --> 00:21:09,960
RUMBLING
430
00:21:12,040 --> 00:21:13,760
Hey, I paid for four!
431
00:21:14,880 --> 00:21:16,800
I gotta get out of here.
432
00:21:19,960 --> 00:21:22,720
CRACKLING AND HISSING
433
00:21:22,720 --> 00:21:25,200
HAIR GROWLS
434
00:21:27,040 --> 00:21:29,720
I hope you like purple nurples,
Biden.
435
00:21:29,720 --> 00:21:31,280
Ow! Ow!
436
00:21:31,280 --> 00:21:33,240
Ow! It's me, you idiot!
437
00:21:34,920 --> 00:21:36,560
Well, at least that was
the last one.
438
00:21:36,560 --> 00:21:39,240
Hello. Anyone home?
439
00:21:39,240 --> 00:21:41,360
Help, I'm trapped in a bucket!
440
00:21:41,360 --> 00:21:43,280
I've been there.
Help!
441
00:21:44,920 --> 00:21:46,840
Good day, I'm Prince Andrew.
442
00:21:46,840 --> 00:21:49,960
The producers of Spitting Image
have asked me down to the studios
443
00:21:49,960 --> 00:21:51,840
so they can personally apologise
444
00:21:51,840 --> 00:21:54,920
for any mistreatment I received
at the hands of the show.
445
00:21:54,920 --> 00:21:56,400
And they jolly well should.
446
00:21:56,400 --> 00:21:57,760
"Sorry..." they said
447
00:21:57,760 --> 00:22:01,400
"..for what happened in episodes
one, five, seven and, of course,
448
00:22:01,400 --> 00:22:03,400
"for the very last moment
of the series."
449
00:22:04,400 --> 00:22:07,760
Last moment of the series?
What can that mean?
450
00:22:07,760 --> 00:22:09,480
Ooh!
451
00:22:12,680 --> 00:22:16,920
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