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1
00:00:15,080 --> 00:00:18,560
After a number of missteps
with our track and trace efforts,
2
00:00:18,560 --> 00:00:21,160
we've finally come up with
a world-beating system
3
00:00:21,160 --> 00:00:23,520
to monitor infected individuals.
4
00:00:23,520 --> 00:00:25,840
Mrs Jones from Number 42.
5
00:00:25,840 --> 00:00:27,880
I can see the whole street
from my window.
6
00:00:27,880 --> 00:00:30,480
Are you saying your new
track and trace system
7
00:00:30,480 --> 00:00:33,760
is a middle-aged woman
standing behind a net curtain?
8
00:00:33,760 --> 00:00:35,200
That's exactly what I'm saying.
9
00:00:35,200 --> 00:00:38,160
Her across the road is always in
and out with her gentlemen friends.
10
00:00:38,160 --> 00:00:39,720
Who's looking after the kiddies?
11
00:00:39,720 --> 00:00:42,120
We've been testing her
for a number of weeks
12
00:00:42,120 --> 00:00:44,440
and we've been very encouraged
by the results.
13
00:00:44,440 --> 00:00:49,720
And I've seen your online profile,
Mr HardBrex-x-xit45.
14
00:00:49,720 --> 00:00:51,680
No more questions. This way.
15
00:00:55,000 --> 00:00:58,920
Man, I'm so bored, I signed every
blank piece of paper there is.
16
00:00:58,920 --> 00:01:01,520
I even wrote myself
a great get well card.
17
00:01:01,520 --> 00:01:03,000
The best get well card.
18
00:01:03,000 --> 00:01:04,920
I'm not a big fan of this place,
either.
19
00:01:04,920 --> 00:01:06,840
I'm a people person.
20
00:01:06,840 --> 00:01:10,160
I like crowds,
Rose Garden ceremonies.
21
00:01:10,160 --> 00:01:12,600
Me too, and the food in here sucks.
22
00:01:12,600 --> 00:01:14,760
Look, this hot dog is green.
23
00:01:14,760 --> 00:01:16,760
But I guess we're stuck here.
24
00:01:16,760 --> 00:01:20,960
I mean, what can the President
of the United States do?
25
00:01:20,960 --> 00:01:24,520
Yeah, that Obama, what a loser.
Hey, wait a minute, I'm President.
26
00:01:24,520 --> 00:01:26,720
It's so ridiculous,
even I keep forgetting it.
27
00:01:26,720 --> 00:01:29,400
Corony, it's time
for a little road trip.
28
00:01:29,400 --> 00:01:31,600
THEY CHUCKLE
29
00:01:31,600 --> 00:01:35,120
FIESTA MUSIC PLAYS
30
00:01:35,120 --> 00:01:37,120
Look at all those fans out there.
31
00:01:37,120 --> 00:01:38,840
They love me.
Who wouldn't?
32
00:01:38,840 --> 00:01:42,520
Why don't you roll down the window
so I can get to know them better?
33
00:01:42,520 --> 00:01:44,320
You're sneaky, Corony.
34
00:01:44,320 --> 00:01:47,200
But I'm smart. Also,
these are child-proof windows.
35
00:01:48,600 --> 00:01:51,760
Damn it.
No problem, I'll get someone.
36
00:01:51,760 --> 00:01:54,880
Maybe you're a little more trouble
than I thought.
37
00:01:54,880 --> 00:01:56,960
No, I'm a pushover.
38
00:01:56,960 --> 00:02:00,240
You're big and strong.
I bet you can totally beat me up.
39
00:02:00,240 --> 00:02:01,400
You bet I could.
40
00:02:01,400 --> 00:02:03,120
THEY GRUNT
41
00:02:03,120 --> 00:02:06,920
Oh, you almost got me that time
with those big hands.
42
00:02:06,920 --> 00:02:08,960
See, you're much tougher than me.
43
00:02:08,960 --> 00:02:11,240
You're right, Corony,
you're a great virus.
44
00:02:11,240 --> 00:02:13,400
A lot of people are saying that,
by the way.
45
00:02:13,400 --> 00:02:15,880
They say you're better
than genital warts
46
00:02:15,880 --> 00:02:19,680
and I think they're right.
What say we go back to my place?
47
00:02:19,680 --> 00:02:22,360
Hey, everyone, I'm doing tremendous
48
00:02:22,360 --> 00:02:24,480
and so is my pal, Corony, here.
49
00:02:24,480 --> 00:02:27,720
Actually, I don't feel so good.
50
00:02:27,720 --> 00:02:31,360
I think I may have caught
a case of you.
51
00:02:31,360 --> 00:02:33,960
HE MOANS
Turning orange.
52
00:02:33,960 --> 00:02:36,320
Vocabulary shrinking.
53
00:02:36,320 --> 00:02:38,440
Caps lock on. SAD!
54
00:02:38,440 --> 00:02:39,920
China.
55
00:02:39,920 --> 00:02:43,800
Heh-heh! You got a lethal dose
of POTUS-45.
56
00:02:43,800 --> 00:02:45,400
How long will it last?
57
00:02:45,400 --> 00:02:48,880
Four more beautiful years, baby.
58
00:02:48,880 --> 00:02:52,160
Jurgen, you are not sleepy?
Wow,
59
00:02:52,160 --> 00:02:54,440
I'm thinking about all the positives
60
00:02:54,440 --> 00:02:57,280
from our unprecedented 7-2 loss
to Aston Villa.
61
00:02:57,280 --> 00:02:58,920
Wow, amazing.
62
00:02:58,920 --> 00:03:03,080
Do you know how many injuries
we are having from the game? Zero!
63
00:03:03,080 --> 00:03:06,520
I am so really, really proud
of the boys. Aye.
64
00:03:06,520 --> 00:03:08,880
So many beautiful goals.
65
00:03:08,880 --> 00:03:10,400
Ha-ha!
66
00:03:10,400 --> 00:03:11,960
KNOCKING
67
00:03:11,960 --> 00:03:14,640
Mr Vice President, Speaker Pelosi
is waiting outside.
68
00:03:14,640 --> 00:03:15,720
Shall I send her in?
69
00:03:15,720 --> 00:03:17,360
Only if you stay.
70
00:03:17,360 --> 00:03:20,600
I can't be alone with a woman
other than my wife.
71
00:03:20,600 --> 00:03:22,240
It's a Biblical injunction.
72
00:03:22,240 --> 00:03:23,880
Sorry, I have to see my doctor.
73
00:03:23,880 --> 00:03:26,000
He wouldn't give me the test results
over the phone.
74
00:03:26,000 --> 00:03:28,720
All he said was, "Hoo, boy",
so probably good news.
75
00:03:29,920 --> 00:03:33,600
Pence, can we talk about
your idiot boss, Trump?
76
00:03:33,600 --> 00:03:35,720
Vice President Pence is not here.
77
00:03:35,720 --> 00:03:39,160
Please return when you are a man.
Beep.
78
00:03:39,160 --> 00:03:40,720
Oh, for fuck's sake.
79
00:03:40,720 --> 00:03:43,480
Ooh, I'm a scary female.
80
00:03:43,480 --> 00:03:46,080
I have boobs.
81
00:03:46,080 --> 00:03:48,840
I am a desk and I'm going home now.
82
00:03:52,600 --> 00:03:54,200
OK, I'm all alone.
83
00:03:54,200 --> 00:03:57,440
Just got to find a way out
that avoids all ladies' rooms,
84
00:03:57,440 --> 00:04:00,960
secretary pools,
and paintings of Abigail Adams.
85
00:04:00,960 --> 00:04:03,680
FEMALE VOICE ON PHONE: Finding
shortest path to your office.
86
00:04:03,680 --> 00:04:05,840
Woman in my pocket!
87
00:04:05,840 --> 00:04:08,640
HE SCREAMS
88
00:04:08,640 --> 00:04:11,520
Jurgen, here is a parcel for you.
89
00:04:11,520 --> 00:04:14,440
It says it is from Manchester.
Wow. Ha!
90
00:04:14,440 --> 00:04:16,440
For me, this is unbelievable.
91
00:04:16,440 --> 00:04:19,840
I mean, so many nice things have
become sent to us since I've...
92
00:04:19,840 --> 00:04:21,880
FLIES BUZZ, SHE GAGS
My God, it is stinking.
93
00:04:21,880 --> 00:04:24,280
What is it?
It's a box of poo!
94
00:04:24,280 --> 00:04:25,400
Amazing!
95
00:04:25,400 --> 00:04:26,880
Wow. Ha-ha!
96
00:04:26,880 --> 00:04:31,320
"With love from Man United.
Liverpool will always be shit."
97
00:04:31,320 --> 00:04:33,520
Ha-ha! I love the sense of humour.
98
00:04:33,520 --> 00:04:35,120
Unbelievable. Wow.
99
00:04:35,120 --> 00:04:37,800
Are you crazy? It's human faeces.
100
00:04:40,680 --> 00:04:42,840
Another message
from the Everton fans.
101
00:04:42,840 --> 00:04:45,760
"Fuck you, Red scum." So clever!
102
00:04:45,760 --> 00:04:47,880
Fantastic. Mind blown.
103
00:04:47,880 --> 00:04:50,000
You should be phoning the police.
104
00:04:50,000 --> 00:04:53,200
I am thinking we have bricks
and free manure.
105
00:04:53,200 --> 00:04:55,640
We can build a rose box
next to the house.
106
00:04:55,640 --> 00:04:57,120
Great! Unbelievable!
107
00:04:57,120 --> 00:04:59,320
Ha!
I've had it.
108
00:04:59,320 --> 00:05:01,600
I'm leaving.
She will come to understand,
109
00:05:01,600 --> 00:05:05,120
the fans have big feelings.
It is good that they unbottle them.
110
00:05:05,120 --> 00:05:07,120
It's for you.
111
00:05:07,120 --> 00:05:08,840
TICKING
Oh, wow!
112
00:05:08,840 --> 00:05:11,160
Look at this engineering. Amazing.
113
00:05:11,160 --> 00:05:13,120
With a clock for the counting down.
114
00:05:13,120 --> 00:05:15,000
And I've got one whole second left.
115
00:05:18,120 --> 00:05:20,560
It's a little hard
to feel good about this.
116
00:05:20,560 --> 00:05:22,640
Wait, what a piece of luck,
117
00:05:22,640 --> 00:05:25,200
my head has landed in the sink.
118
00:05:25,200 --> 00:05:28,120
Wow, now I won't make a mess
on the furniture.
119
00:05:28,120 --> 00:05:30,640
Fantastic! Unbelievable...
120
00:05:32,360 --> 00:05:34,600
Right, bad news first.
121
00:05:34,600 --> 00:05:37,920
Terrible recession,
trade fallen off a cliff,
122
00:05:37,920 --> 00:05:39,680
Brexit an utter cock-up,
123
00:05:39,680 --> 00:05:42,560
and pandemic number two
is on the way.
124
00:05:42,560 --> 00:05:45,040
What's the good news?
Well, um...
125
00:05:45,040 --> 00:05:46,640
My wine club delivery just came.
126
00:05:46,640 --> 00:05:48,880
What is this wine
of which you speak?
127
00:05:48,880 --> 00:05:51,480
You must have had
a glass of wine before, Dom?
128
00:05:51,480 --> 00:05:54,560
Oh, yes, during social encounters
with other humans.
129
00:05:54,560 --> 00:05:56,160
I am a human.
130
00:05:56,160 --> 00:05:58,960
BORIS SLURPS
There, I'm good and buzzed.
131
00:05:58,960 --> 00:06:00,440
Now, let's solve the economy.
132
00:06:00,440 --> 00:06:03,400
The answer is simple,
we enslave the unemployed
133
00:06:03,400 --> 00:06:05,320
and force them to work
deep underground
134
00:06:05,320 --> 00:06:07,680
where they will devolve
into blind cave worms.
135
00:06:07,680 --> 00:06:09,760
Devolve? Like Scotland and Wales?
136
00:06:09,760 --> 00:06:11,000
Precisely.
137
00:06:12,120 --> 00:06:14,040
Fresh idea. Unexpected.
138
00:06:14,040 --> 00:06:17,600
How will it play with
our new Northern voters?
139
00:06:17,600 --> 00:06:19,160
Very badly.
140
00:06:19,160 --> 00:06:20,840
It's a terrible idea.
141
00:06:20,840 --> 00:06:22,320
It is an excellent idea.
142
00:06:22,320 --> 00:06:25,160
I am the smartest creature
within ten parsecs.
143
00:06:25,160 --> 00:06:29,880
If you will not heed my words,
then you must obey my mind rays!
144
00:06:29,880 --> 00:06:32,280
EERIE SOUNDS
145
00:06:34,480 --> 00:06:36,440
Tastes like strawberry jam.
146
00:06:36,440 --> 00:06:37,960
It's no good, Dom.
147
00:06:37,960 --> 00:06:40,120
You can't be affected by mind rays
148
00:06:40,120 --> 00:06:43,000
unless you start with some kind
of intelligence. Cheers!
149
00:06:43,000 --> 00:06:45,760
Yes, cheers.
150
00:06:45,760 --> 00:06:48,600
GURGLING
151
00:06:52,400 --> 00:06:56,600
Let's see. My cyber truck is a top
seller with dads who like Mad Max,
152
00:06:56,600 --> 00:06:58,880
my rap label scored a huge artist -
me,
153
00:06:58,880 --> 00:07:02,280
got my wind-powered
suppository inserter.
154
00:07:04,240 --> 00:07:06,120
Oof!
Huh!
155
00:07:06,120 --> 00:07:08,560
What other genius products
am I slapping my name on?
156
00:07:08,560 --> 00:07:10,920
There's the hyperloop,
transport pod of the future.
157
00:07:10,920 --> 00:07:13,320
The hyperloop? I thought
I told you to chuck that?
158
00:07:13,320 --> 00:07:15,600
No, you told us to spend
a billion dollars on it.
159
00:07:15,600 --> 00:07:17,760
I hate transportation pods.
160
00:07:17,760 --> 00:07:20,880
They're fucking dead weight.
We need to move people, not pods.
161
00:07:20,880 --> 00:07:22,840
We anticipated your objection,
162
00:07:22,840 --> 00:07:24,840
so we also have a podless system
in development.
163
00:07:24,840 --> 00:07:25,920
Fantastic.
164
00:07:25,920 --> 00:07:28,640
First I'll announce it to the world
in an awkward livestream event,
165
00:07:28,640 --> 00:07:30,160
then we'll see if it actually works.
166
00:07:30,160 --> 00:07:32,600
Another terrific job by me.
167
00:07:32,600 --> 00:07:34,680
How soon will it do
whatever it does?
168
00:07:34,680 --> 00:07:37,480
Well, we have to run some
safety checks with a test pilot.
169
00:07:37,480 --> 00:07:39,000
I'll do the testing.
170
00:07:39,000 --> 00:07:40,640
I can't afford pilots.
171
00:07:40,640 --> 00:07:43,920
This company is haemorrhaging cash
and I can't figure out why.
172
00:07:43,920 --> 00:07:48,280
"Musk stock way overpriced,
also I love pot."
173
00:07:51,360 --> 00:07:55,320
Welcome to Salt Lake City
and the Vice Presidential Debate.
174
00:07:55,320 --> 00:07:56,640
Because of Covid,
175
00:07:56,640 --> 00:07:59,240
the candidates have been separated
by a plexiglass barrier.
176
00:07:59,240 --> 00:08:02,520
Vice President Pence,
is everything OK?
177
00:08:02,520 --> 00:08:05,720
Tell her to stop trying to
get so close to me.
178
00:08:05,720 --> 00:08:07,840
Senator Harris,
you're harassing that man
179
00:08:07,840 --> 00:08:09,520
because of his religious beliefs.
180
00:08:09,520 --> 00:08:11,600
I'm a Democrat, that's what we do.
181
00:08:11,600 --> 00:08:13,440
Please sit down.
182
00:08:13,440 --> 00:08:16,720
Mr Pence, can we get started?
Just one more thing.
183
00:08:18,440 --> 00:08:21,080
Now I'm ready.
FLY BUZZING
184
00:08:24,560 --> 00:08:28,320
Tell them the miracle drug I took
has no side effects.
185
00:08:29,360 --> 00:08:31,720
Hey! Whoa! Look out!
186
00:08:31,720 --> 00:08:33,120
Watch it!
187
00:08:33,120 --> 00:08:35,320
And we're out of time.
188
00:08:36,560 --> 00:08:38,440
Hello, fellow foodies.
189
00:08:38,440 --> 00:08:40,240
I'm David Attenborough,
190
00:08:40,240 --> 00:08:43,000
sharing with you
this delicious meal,
191
00:08:43,000 --> 00:08:45,320
a celebration of Earth's bounty
192
00:08:45,320 --> 00:08:48,080
from a wonderful restaurant
near the...
193
00:08:48,080 --> 00:08:51,120
You take the picture
before you eat the food, David.
194
00:08:51,120 --> 00:08:53,000
Fucking social media!
195
00:08:53,000 --> 00:08:54,560
CLATTERING
196
00:08:54,560 --> 00:08:57,280
This week,
the Prime Minister proposed
197
00:08:57,280 --> 00:08:59,760
a new clean energy plan for Britain.
198
00:08:59,760 --> 00:09:02,160
This speech has inspired us
to develop
199
00:09:02,160 --> 00:09:04,280
a prototype clean energy device
200
00:09:04,280 --> 00:09:07,920
which the Prime Minister himself
will now demonstrate.
201
00:09:07,920 --> 00:09:09,600
Yes.
HE MUMBLES
202
00:09:09,600 --> 00:09:12,280
The wind comes out here,
203
00:09:12,280 --> 00:09:13,960
is converted into electricity here,
204
00:09:13,960 --> 00:09:17,360
transformed here,
powering the lamp here.
205
00:09:17,360 --> 00:09:20,200
If you'd like to begin your speech,
Prime Minister.
206
00:09:20,200 --> 00:09:25,640
This is a fantastic way
to harness our natural resources
207
00:09:25,640 --> 00:09:27,800
so that together we can build
208
00:09:27,800 --> 00:09:30,760
a new Jerusalem
and bask in the sunlit...
209
00:09:30,760 --> 00:09:32,560
He's giving it too much power.
210
00:09:32,560 --> 00:09:34,400
..sceptred isle.
211
00:09:34,400 --> 00:09:36,680
It's going critical.
Distract the generator.
212
00:09:36,680 --> 00:09:38,560
..the nations of the world.
213
00:09:38,560 --> 00:09:41,440
Ah! The humble burger.
Too late.
214
00:09:43,520 --> 00:09:45,480
Has anyone got a match?
215
00:09:45,480 --> 00:09:47,880
I don't think we actually
make them any more.
216
00:09:47,880 --> 00:09:51,880
OK, Joe, to win it all
for the Democrats, spell Kamala.
217
00:09:53,720 --> 00:09:55,360
Woo!
218
00:09:55,360 --> 00:09:57,840
Can you use it in a sentence?
219
00:10:00,280 --> 00:10:02,320
Speaker Pelosi.
220
00:10:02,320 --> 00:10:05,600
The representatives from the
African American Voters Coalition.
221
00:10:05,600 --> 00:10:10,240
Wonderful! I want you
and the entire Black community
222
00:10:10,240 --> 00:10:12,240
to know that I stand with you.
223
00:10:12,240 --> 00:10:17,520
We're hoping to go over our action
plan with Black Lives Matter and...
224
00:10:17,520 --> 00:10:20,200
I'm sorry, were you wearing
that scarf when we came in?
225
00:10:20,200 --> 00:10:22,480
Oh, the Kente cloth?
226
00:10:22,480 --> 00:10:24,600
It's my signature accessory.
227
00:10:24,600 --> 00:10:26,720
And let me assure you,
228
00:10:26,720 --> 00:10:30,560
that I empathise with your struggle
and share in your pain.
229
00:10:30,560 --> 00:10:32,640
Habari gani.
230
00:10:32,640 --> 00:10:35,760
That's Swahili for,
"What is the news?"
231
00:10:35,760 --> 00:10:38,640
Anyway, in light of recent events...
Wait.
232
00:10:38,640 --> 00:10:41,000
When did you put on that dashiki?
233
00:10:41,000 --> 00:10:45,120
The important thing is that we move
our cause forward together.
234
00:10:45,120 --> 00:10:46,440
Ai-i-ight?
235
00:10:48,560 --> 00:10:51,360
OK, you're at optimal thrust
position within the cylinder.
236
00:10:51,360 --> 00:10:52,920
That's what she said.
237
00:10:52,920 --> 00:10:55,000
HE CHUCKLES
238
00:10:55,000 --> 00:10:57,760
Noted, sir.
Elevate to launch angle.
239
00:11:03,200 --> 00:11:06,480
You'll pass through the
ejection port at hypersonic speed,
240
00:11:06,480 --> 00:11:08,200
cruise high above
the Gulf of Mexico,
241
00:11:08,200 --> 00:11:10,680
then descend for max G-force capture
242
00:11:10,680 --> 00:11:13,040
aboard our drone ship Titanic Ego.
243
00:11:13,040 --> 00:11:15,560
Don't lecture me,
I went to Stanford for two days.
244
00:11:15,560 --> 00:11:17,400
Just shoot me out the hole.
245
00:11:17,400 --> 00:11:19,640
Initiate launch sequence.
246
00:11:23,040 --> 00:11:25,480
Up, up and a-Musk!
247
00:11:29,960 --> 00:11:31,480
Elon.
248
00:11:31,480 --> 00:11:33,040
Elon.
249
00:11:33,040 --> 00:11:35,080
Elon!
250
00:11:35,080 --> 00:11:37,080
Where am I? Who's talking?
251
00:11:39,680 --> 00:11:41,400
I'm you from the future.
252
00:11:41,400 --> 00:11:43,440
I bring an urgent warning.
253
00:11:43,440 --> 00:11:45,360
Something terrible is coming.
254
00:11:45,360 --> 00:11:46,840
Is it that outfit you're wearing?
255
00:11:46,840 --> 00:11:48,880
Hey, this was your future bad idea.
256
00:11:48,880 --> 00:11:50,440
Asshole.
Pedo.
257
00:11:50,440 --> 00:11:52,240
OK, I'm convinced, you're me.
258
00:11:52,240 --> 00:11:54,080
So, what's the big warning?
259
00:11:54,080 --> 00:11:56,000
You must leave Earth
by November 3rd.
260
00:11:56,000 --> 00:11:58,120
Get yourself to Mars.
261
00:11:58,120 --> 00:11:59,480
What happens on November 3rd?
262
00:11:59,480 --> 00:12:01,200
I can't go into details,
263
00:12:01,200 --> 00:12:03,240
it would destroy
space-time causality.
264
00:12:03,240 --> 00:12:05,040
Plus, it would ruin the surprise.
265
00:12:05,040 --> 00:12:07,320
I love surprises.
Me too!
266
00:12:07,320 --> 00:12:08,880
But I can't just abandon Earth,
267
00:12:08,880 --> 00:12:12,240
I've got tunnels to dig,
stuff to electrify, weed to smoke.
268
00:12:12,240 --> 00:12:13,720
Don't be a fool, you idiot.
269
00:12:13,720 --> 00:12:16,560
Earth has served its purpose,
it created you.
270
00:12:16,560 --> 00:12:19,240
Wait, Future Me,
I have so many questions.
271
00:12:19,240 --> 00:12:22,360
Go to Mars!
Oh, and bring a bicycle pump.
272
00:12:22,360 --> 00:12:26,560
Don't forget
the fucking bicycle pump!
273
00:12:26,560 --> 00:12:29,160
Ouch! I'm awake.
274
00:12:29,160 --> 00:12:32,160
I know.
Ow! Ow! Ow!
275
00:12:33,840 --> 00:12:35,920
Speaker Pelosi,
276
00:12:35,920 --> 00:12:38,520
the representatives from
the Gay And Lesbian Alliance.
277
00:12:38,520 --> 00:12:39,760
Wonderful.
278
00:12:39,760 --> 00:12:43,720
I want you and the entire
LGBTQ community
279
00:12:43,720 --> 00:12:46,360
to know that I stand with you.
280
00:12:46,360 --> 00:12:49,080
Thank you, Madam Speaker,
because we have many pressing...
281
00:12:49,080 --> 00:12:52,560
Wait... I didn't notice your vest
when we came in.
282
00:12:52,560 --> 00:12:54,960
Oh, this?
283
00:12:54,960 --> 00:12:57,560
You can't keep something like this
in the closet.
284
00:12:57,560 --> 00:12:59,600
Funny, Madam Speaker, but...
285
00:12:59,600 --> 00:13:01,400
OK.
286
00:13:01,400 --> 00:13:03,920
You definitely weren't wearing that
when we came in.
287
00:13:03,920 --> 00:13:07,120
Just know that I empathise
with your struggle
288
00:13:07,120 --> 00:13:09,520
and share in your pain.
289
00:13:09,520 --> 00:13:11,480
Ya-a-as queen!
290
00:13:11,480 --> 00:13:13,160
Well, I...
291
00:13:13,160 --> 00:13:15,920
THEY MOAN IN PLEASURE
292
00:13:15,920 --> 00:13:19,200
Ah, Western leaders,
so nice to see you.
293
00:13:19,200 --> 00:13:22,480
Please, try our famous
wet market buffet.
294
00:13:22,480 --> 00:13:26,920
Are you sure there's nothing
infectious, no bat or pangolin?
295
00:13:26,920 --> 00:13:28,680
No, no, try the pate.
296
00:13:28,680 --> 00:13:30,960
It's pango-licious.
297
00:13:30,960 --> 00:13:36,000
Now, Xi, as you know, relations have
been strained between our nations.
298
00:13:36,000 --> 00:13:39,920
Strained like the milk
in a fine Tilsit cheese,
299
00:13:39,920 --> 00:13:42,840
which we want to sell you
eine giganticker tonne of.
300
00:13:42,840 --> 00:13:46,080
I love old women.
Let me lick your wrinkles.
301
00:13:46,080 --> 00:13:48,280
Oh! Later.
302
00:13:48,280 --> 00:13:49,920
In the sauna.
303
00:13:49,920 --> 00:13:53,120
We'd love to get our trade
relationship back to normal.
304
00:13:53,120 --> 00:13:54,880
It's not as if we can build our own
305
00:13:54,880 --> 00:13:57,880
power stations and railways
any more.
306
00:13:57,880 --> 00:14:00,480
And I would like to resume the flow
307
00:14:00,480 --> 00:14:02,520
of undergraduate
and postgraduate spies
308
00:14:02,520 --> 00:14:04,560
to your technical universities.
309
00:14:04,560 --> 00:14:08,280
You said "spies" there.
I think you mean "students".
310
00:14:08,280 --> 00:14:09,760
Oh, yes, a simple error.
311
00:14:09,760 --> 00:14:11,880
Spy and student are very similar
words in Chinese.
312
00:14:11,880 --> 00:14:14,680
HE LICKS AND SLURPS
Ooh!
313
00:14:14,680 --> 00:14:16,600
Poopchen!
314
00:14:16,600 --> 00:14:23,240
So, the only problem is these new
laws you brought in in Hong Kong.
315
00:14:23,240 --> 00:14:25,960
They were a touch repressive.
Not at all.
316
00:14:25,960 --> 00:14:28,960
The death penalty is only for
the most extreme cases
317
00:14:28,960 --> 00:14:31,000
when protestors use umbrellas.
318
00:14:31,000 --> 00:14:35,400
There is also the difficulty with
the Uighurs' re-education camps.
319
00:14:35,400 --> 00:14:37,920
Similar to your vocational
training colleges...
320
00:14:37,920 --> 00:14:39,720
without sanitation or running water.
321
00:14:39,720 --> 00:14:42,560
Well, jolly good then. Everyone?
322
00:14:42,560 --> 00:14:45,000
Wunderbar.
Parfait.
323
00:14:45,000 --> 00:14:47,080
However, there is one more question.
324
00:14:47,080 --> 00:14:50,320
Yes?
Are you gonna eat that bat?
325
00:14:50,320 --> 00:14:51,800
BAT SQUEAKS
326
00:14:55,440 --> 00:14:59,440
Madam Speaker, Rabbi Horowitz
from the Jewish Alliance.
327
00:14:59,440 --> 00:15:01,920
Rabbi, Rabbi, come in.
328
00:15:01,920 --> 00:15:03,520
Mazel tov.
329
00:15:03,520 --> 00:15:05,160
Is this some kind of joke?
330
00:15:05,160 --> 00:15:08,240
That's mishigas! I stand with you,
331
00:15:08,240 --> 00:15:10,600
I feel your pain.
332
00:15:10,600 --> 00:15:12,000
This is an insult.
333
00:15:12,000 --> 00:15:13,760
A schande is what it is!
334
00:15:13,760 --> 00:15:16,320
Perhaps you should come back later,
Rabbi.
335
00:15:16,320 --> 00:15:18,560
Speaker Pelosi is not feeling well.
336
00:15:18,560 --> 00:15:21,400
What's that on your button?
337
00:15:22,520 --> 00:15:24,960
Meow.
338
00:15:24,960 --> 00:15:26,400
Hello?
339
00:15:26,400 --> 00:15:29,680
It's for you, Kier, someone from
the donkey sanctuary.
340
00:15:29,680 --> 00:15:31,520
I've told you before,
341
00:15:31,520 --> 00:15:33,440
they're called the Shadow Cabinet.
342
00:15:35,040 --> 00:15:37,320
Hello, Ed.
DONKEY BRAYS
343
00:15:38,720 --> 00:15:40,680
Lee, you are not ready.
344
00:15:40,680 --> 00:15:43,760
You said you would come to the
climate change conference with me.
345
00:15:43,760 --> 00:15:45,640
Oh, yeah. I'd love to,
346
00:15:45,640 --> 00:15:48,240
but West Ham are playing at home
so I thought we could go to that.
347
00:15:48,240 --> 00:15:50,480
But what about the environment?
348
00:15:50,480 --> 00:15:53,480
There's an environment there,
it's just quite an aggressive one.
349
00:15:53,480 --> 00:15:56,880
But this is our last chance
to save the Earth.
350
00:15:56,880 --> 00:16:00,800
And it's our last chance to see
West Ham at home for a fortnight.
351
00:16:00,800 --> 00:16:02,040
Come on.
352
00:16:02,040 --> 00:16:03,880
I suppose.
353
00:16:03,880 --> 00:16:05,320
Great, I'll get the car.
354
00:16:05,320 --> 00:16:06,880
Is it electric?
355
00:16:06,880 --> 00:16:08,160
Well, the lights are.
356
00:16:09,120 --> 00:16:13,680
This is so much better than
a climate change conference,
357
00:16:13,680 --> 00:16:15,360
the graceful players,
358
00:16:15,360 --> 00:16:17,760
the smack of the ball off the foot.
359
00:16:17,760 --> 00:16:20,120
Yeah, trying to watch the game,
Greta.
360
00:16:20,120 --> 00:16:22,360
Why does he pass the ball back?
361
00:16:22,360 --> 00:16:24,880
He should pass it forwards.
362
00:16:24,880 --> 00:16:27,480
Why has he failed us?
I don't know.
363
00:16:27,480 --> 00:16:30,520
Hey, you know you've still got time
to get to that conference?
364
00:16:30,520 --> 00:16:33,400
The goalie should kick the ball
to the other end
365
00:16:33,400 --> 00:16:36,280
and then Declan Rice bonks it in
with his head.
366
00:16:36,280 --> 00:16:38,640
That is the right plan.
367
00:16:38,640 --> 00:16:41,560
Yeah.
I'm going to come every week.
368
00:16:44,000 --> 00:16:45,640
That's football, Greta.
369
00:16:45,640 --> 00:16:47,360
1-0 up, 2-1 down.
370
00:16:47,360 --> 00:16:52,520
The referee has stolen my childhood
with his erratic decision making.
371
00:16:52,520 --> 00:16:53,640
It happens.
372
00:16:53,640 --> 00:16:56,760
And the manager has lied to us
with his empty promises
373
00:16:56,760 --> 00:16:58,000
of a top-half finish.
374
00:16:58,000 --> 00:17:00,800
So, I suppose that means
you won't be coming next week?
375
00:17:00,800 --> 00:17:01,960
Oh, no.
376
00:17:01,960 --> 00:17:03,840
I must save West Ham.
377
00:17:03,840 --> 00:17:07,360
And you are coming with me now
to picket the manager's house.
378
00:17:07,360 --> 00:17:09,360
Come on, Greta, cool down.
379
00:17:09,360 --> 00:17:12,320
I can't! I'm hot!
380
00:17:16,080 --> 00:17:20,120
I'm afraid that the Speaker has come
down with a bad case of panderitis,
381
00:17:20,120 --> 00:17:24,000
an irresistible compulsion to pander
for votes from every identity group.
382
00:17:24,000 --> 00:17:26,640
It's entirely involuntary
at this point.
383
00:17:26,640 --> 00:17:28,760
Is it serious?
Very serious.
384
00:17:28,760 --> 00:17:34,680
I share in the pain doctors face
when they get the yips playing golf.
385
00:17:34,680 --> 00:17:37,880
It's becoming so blatant that
no-one will ever believe her again.
386
00:17:37,880 --> 00:17:40,560
There is one cure,
but it's highly experimental.
387
00:17:40,560 --> 00:17:42,800
In fact, this is
the first experiment.
388
00:17:42,800 --> 00:17:45,840
We make her look at herself
in the mirror.
389
00:17:45,840 --> 00:17:46,880
With no-one to mimic,
390
00:17:46,880 --> 00:17:49,600
she'll be forced to return
to her original identity.
391
00:17:49,600 --> 00:17:51,880
Or she'll have a nervous breakdown.
Either way...
392
00:17:56,120 --> 00:17:59,640
She's been locked in there
for a week without food or water.
393
00:17:59,640 --> 00:18:01,040
Let's see what happened.
394
00:18:02,920 --> 00:18:05,560
Oh... my... God.
395
00:18:05,560 --> 00:18:07,440
Oh.
396
00:18:08,720 --> 00:18:11,440
I became what I really am,
397
00:18:11,440 --> 00:18:16,600
a creature that lives only to
absorb any and all voting blocs.
398
00:18:16,600 --> 00:18:20,520
I am not in the big tent,
I am the tent.
399
00:18:20,520 --> 00:18:24,080
I am the Blo-o-ob!
400
00:18:25,160 --> 00:18:27,440
Gruesome, horrifying!
401
00:18:27,440 --> 00:18:29,800
Let's see how this plays.
402
00:18:29,800 --> 00:18:31,000
It's not looking good.
403
00:18:31,000 --> 00:18:34,360
The Bloob is making in-roads
in all the key battleground states.
404
00:18:34,360 --> 00:18:37,040
Unleash the Roob.
405
00:18:37,040 --> 00:18:40,520
GULPING, BELCHES
406
00:18:40,520 --> 00:18:42,000
That's our guy.
407
00:18:44,640 --> 00:18:47,680
Thanks for coming in, Quentin, we
want to talk to you about a project.
408
00:18:47,680 --> 00:18:49,920
Shut up, David.
409
00:18:49,920 --> 00:18:52,800
You know how you're always making
films where you change history,
410
00:18:52,800 --> 00:18:55,120
like you did that one
where Hitler got murdered,
411
00:18:55,120 --> 00:18:57,800
and that other one where Sharon Tate
didn't get murdered.
412
00:18:57,800 --> 00:18:59,360
Yeah.
413
00:18:59,360 --> 00:19:01,000
I was wondering
if you could make a film
414
00:19:01,000 --> 00:19:05,040
where Watford win the 1984
FA Cup Final against Everton.
415
00:19:05,040 --> 00:19:09,480
I guess. But wouldn't you prefer me
to remake last year's FA Cup Final
416
00:19:09,480 --> 00:19:11,920
when Watford lost
to Manchester City?
417
00:19:11,920 --> 00:19:14,840
Oh, no, it was 6-0, I don't
think the public would buy it.
418
00:19:14,840 --> 00:19:17,960
Speaking as a film producer
in my own right... Shut up, David!
419
00:19:20,680 --> 00:19:22,640
A message from the future.
420
00:19:22,640 --> 00:19:25,640
Go to Mars. Can I really do it?
421
00:19:26,920 --> 00:19:28,960
# Shot from my cannon
422
00:19:28,960 --> 00:19:32,320
# But I hit the wall
Oh-oh
423
00:19:32,320 --> 00:19:33,960
# Fired everyone
424
00:19:33,960 --> 00:19:37,360
# At ground control
425
00:19:37,360 --> 00:19:40,440
# Got a message
from some future asshole
426
00:19:40,440 --> 00:19:43,440
# Go to Mars, he said
427
00:19:45,360 --> 00:19:48,640
# But I'm a car man
428
00:19:48,640 --> 00:19:51,000
# Earth is my garage
429
00:19:51,000 --> 00:19:53,840
# Ain't gonna risk my stardom
430
00:19:53,840 --> 00:19:55,640
# For what might be a mirage
431
00:19:55,640 --> 00:19:58,120
# I'm a car man
432
00:19:58,120 --> 00:20:00,760
# Or maybe I'm a god
433
00:20:00,760 --> 00:20:03,200
# Zooming round the planets
434
00:20:03,200 --> 00:20:05,000
# In my hyperlooping pod
435
00:20:05,000 --> 00:20:08,560
# Joe Rogan told me
Keep your rocket smoking
436
00:20:08,560 --> 00:20:11,080
# Don't ever stop your toking
437
00:20:11,080 --> 00:20:14,160
# Your autopilot's broken
438
00:20:15,840 --> 00:20:17,360
# Go to Mars
439
00:20:17,360 --> 00:20:20,720
# And the future's yours
440
00:20:20,720 --> 00:20:25,920
# A new race of humans
From a bag of spores
441
00:20:25,920 --> 00:20:30,960
# In 50 years
You'll be able to go outdoors
442
00:20:31,880 --> 00:20:34,560
# Lotta terraforming
443
00:20:34,560 --> 00:20:37,280
# Ruling Mars man
444
00:20:37,280 --> 00:20:39,600
# High up on a throne
445
00:20:39,600 --> 00:20:41,840
# I'll be the hottest dude there
446
00:20:41,840 --> 00:20:44,320
# Cos I'll be there all alone
447
00:20:44,320 --> 00:20:47,960
# He told me
Go to Mars, you genius
448
00:20:47,960 --> 00:20:50,280
# Stop playing with your penius
449
00:20:50,280 --> 00:20:53,920
# A king without a queenius
450
00:20:55,960 --> 00:21:01,720
# On Mars! #
451
00:21:02,960 --> 00:21:04,840
Change of plans.
452
00:21:04,840 --> 00:21:06,880
We need to launch the Mars rocket
by November 3rd.
453
00:21:06,880 --> 00:21:09,400
I want every designer we've got
on this. For the engines?
454
00:21:09,400 --> 00:21:11,600
What are you, stupid?
For my space boots.
455
00:21:11,600 --> 00:21:15,040
I'm not gonna be the guy that
shows up on Mars wearing lame boots.
456
00:21:15,040 --> 00:21:17,160
Let's move! Let's move!
457
00:21:22,160 --> 00:21:25,360
Your new track and trace system
is already a shambles.
458
00:21:25,360 --> 00:21:28,840
16,000 positive results missed.
What's going on?
459
00:21:28,840 --> 00:21:30,680
Yeah, sorry, everyone.
460
00:21:30,680 --> 00:21:35,760
I had one too many quarantinis
at book group this afternoon!
461
00:21:35,760 --> 00:21:38,880
But I'll be right back on it
tonight after a nice sleep.
462
00:21:38,880 --> 00:21:41,960
SHE LAUGHS THEN VOMITS
463
00:21:41,960 --> 00:21:44,320
I recognise there has been a glitch,
464
00:21:44,320 --> 00:21:46,920
but we all need to get behind
Mrs Jones.
465
00:21:48,280 --> 00:21:51,040
But, Boris,
you already spent £5 billion
466
00:21:51,040 --> 00:21:53,960
on a British satellite
navigation system.
467
00:21:53,960 --> 00:21:55,600
Why do you want to chuck it
468
00:21:55,600 --> 00:21:58,640
and rejoin the European Union
satnav project?
469
00:21:58,640 --> 00:22:02,920
Well, the British satnav system
has had mixed success.
470
00:22:02,920 --> 00:22:06,600
BORIS'S VOICE ON SATNAV: 'Right. No,
next right. I mean left. This left.
471
00:22:06,600 --> 00:22:08,600
'Oh, bugger, it was that left.'
What?
472
00:22:08,600 --> 00:22:10,720
'Turn around.
Or indeed, don't turn around.
473
00:22:10,720 --> 00:22:13,720
'Just carry on. Yes, onwards.'
474
00:22:13,720 --> 00:22:16,320
THEY SCREAM
475
00:22:18,000 --> 00:22:21,040
'You have arrived
at your destination.'
476
00:22:21,040 --> 00:22:23,080
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