Original subtitles

So, Ellie, tell me. Let's see.

How's everything? How's life?

How's your husband?

He looks good.

He looks good with you guys?

Always working, you know.

Can't complain.

That's good. Could be worse.

Could be worse.

And how's Vicky doing?

He's doing pretty good.

Yeah?

Yeah, but you know what I want?

What?

I want a grandson or a grandmother.

But he doesn't want kids, so.

Really?

Yeah, I don't know.

Kids are weird at this age.

It's like they're scared of commitment.

My stepson's the same thing.

How he doesn't want to have kids.

It's like they're scared of

babies or something.

Right?

and like we didn't have

babies so it would be nice

if they wanted babies you know so like

we could experience the baby

stage right i mean he's so

bad always wanted to be a

mom have a baby

um and it's just never lucky

enough to have that i mean

obviously i have jenny i love him

so much he's my own but just

having steps in isn't the

same as being there and being

Wait, you know what I did

the other day? Well, I was hungry.

I

Took the day after Phil's out

of his room.

What? I know I know but you know

the way I see it. I teach

him a little lesson in responsibility

I get a grandchild

Hey

I have a confession to make myself.

What?

Don't judge me, okay?

Of course not.

I might have done the same thing.

Well, kind of.

What did you do?

So I've been sleeping in

Jimmy's room for months now.

And he has this big puddle

drawer that he keeps all his

condoms in.

I've been pooping all summer.

But his condom is still so

red and I don't understand why.

No, I can still get pregnant.

Yeah, so I can too.

Well, what if we take matters

into our own hands and, you

know, like, I'll still deal

with your son,

and you do the same with mine?

No offense. No fucking way.

That is wrong on so many levels.

It's wrong. There are

sons out there. Come on.

Alright, this is the way I see it.

Right? So, eventually

one of our pranks is going to work.

They're going to get a girl pregnant.

So, who do you want to get pregnant?

Some random bimbo that he's

having sex with?

Or your loving friend that

you know is gonna take care

of the child?

Okay.

You might have a point.

Fine.

Let's do this.

Let's make some babies.

Let's do it.

Please.

They're never gonna agree to this.

Maybe it's time for a birds

and bees conversation.

Okay. Just do it.

Get out of the way.

This is probably not the best

time for you to be here

because you're going to watch

yourself get violently wrecked.

Please.

You're going to break your

mom's heart is what you're

going to do. Oh yeah.

Wow.

Got a score. A score multiplier.

We found these in your rooms.

Care to explain?

You guys are in big trouble.

Uh...

What does this mean?

Huh?

Have you been fucking a bimbo?

Mom!

You know who she is!

Silence!

I raised you better than this.

We're both really disappointed

in you guys.

We can't do this right now.

I know you guys...

It's normal to want to have sex.

You guys are at that age

where you get curious and I

mean you both have

girlfriends, but if you want

to start so they keep seeing

them, you need to know how

to treat a woman.

We need to have a little talk, boys.

Talk?

About the birds and the bees, right?

Oh no.

Are you serious?

I don't even want to have

this conversation with my mom.

Well, it was bound to happen,

sweetheart, and better late

than never, right?

Pretty late, but it will help me.

Well, now that we're on the

same page, these are the nipples.

Boys, let's listen, please.

Focus and stop talking over us.

I gotta focus.

Yes, why don't you come up here?

You can get better views.

Let's learn something. Hi Jimmy.

Hi Jimmy.

Well now that we're all on

the same page, like these are nipples.

I mean, I don't think they're

getting it.

Yeah, I do very care.

Yeah, I think so.

I think you're right.

Yeah?

Mom!

Whoa!

Holy shit!

Jimmy!

Hush!

How else are you boys going

to learn about sex and reproduction?

I see your mom's tits.

Yeah, I can too.

They're right there.

Thanks.

We should look at them. Yeah, no.

Okay.

You should look at your mom's tits.

Oh!

Hello!

I see my mom's tits.

I see my mom's tits too.

Don't look at them. Let's focus.

They're standing a little bit more.

Okay.

Okay.

We're focusing.

This has got real. We're fast.

This is a lot.

This is a lot.

Ellie is trying to teach you boys.

So listen.

So when you play with her

correctly, you can really

stimulate her.

They're very sensitive.

Very sensitive boys.

See how they're getting harder

as she plays with them?

Stop looking at her house tits, bro.

start drooling there.

What am I supposed to do?

Are you boys understanding

what we're trying to teach you?

Not really, no. Why don't you continue?

So, studies show that if the

woman reaches orgasm, she's

more likely to get pregnant. It's true.

Or in layman's terms, if she comes.

Well, I mean, that really

makes no difference to us for

not trying to have babies.

Maybe we should swap. Do you

want to try?

I bet you guys never need

your girlfriends when they're

coming at you.

Look, this is a lot for me.

What if Dad comes home?

You can be home any minute.

I do not even want to have

this conversation with Dad.

Sweetheart.

I don't want to have this

with or without your Dad.

Guys.

It's okay. Or mine.

Jenny, your Dad's not coming

home anytime soon. I can't.

I can't.

Why are we having this

conversation right now?

It's important to make sure

that you guys are doing it right.

Why do you care?

What?

Why do you care? It's important.

You're our babies.

You know, we care about you.

That makes this better?

Yes.

Yes.

I feel like there are like

dozens of better ways to have

this conversation.

Yeah.

Here.

Jimmy. I can't.

I can't. I can't.

I can't. I can't.

I can't. I can't.

Who knows what that's been doing.

All right.

Stop.

Allie is totally okay with this.

Aren't you, Allie?

I'm totally okay with this.

So why don't you start by

just gently touching your nipples.

I can't. I'm fine.

I'm fine, dude.

Okay. Okay, it's alright. That's okay.

Here.

See? You need to... Now this...

is a vagina.

Or as you call it, a pussy.

It certainly is.

When us girls get excited...

it gets wet.

If you notice...

If you notice... Stop, stop.

This is embarrassing me.

I mean, you were doing it in

my mother's nipple.

I was just getting educated, you know.

Jimmy, you need to listen to

your mother, okay? Quiet down.

Yeah, listen to your mother.

Yeah, and then this.

That. Let me see.

Oh, yeah, I want a good,

in-depth look at this.

Jimmy, you should be looking too.

You should look. You see?

You should be looking too.

You need to listen, it's important.

It's very important.

It's so important.

Now this is where you put your cock.

Straight people. Come on.

Focus.

I'm focused mom.

I'm focused mom. Jimmy, here.

Why don't you take

your feature stick

And play with Miss Ellie.

We need some practice.

Honestly, I am a little bad

at this point.

Are you okay with this?

I kind of have to count it.

But you have to do one thing

first before you do anything wrong.

What do you smell of this stick?

No! Stop!

Stop! You boys!

Stop!

It smells like lavender.

Yeah, a bit.

Okay. Back to it.

Back to it, Jimmy.

Come on, focus, sweetheart.

Come on, Jimmy.

Come on, Jimmy.

Okay, okay, okay.

I want you to show us what

you've learned so far. Go ahead.

What have you learned?

What have you learned?

This is the areola.

Good job, Jimmy. We're listening.

That's what it is, alright.

That's the nipple.

I couldn't help but notice

there's a few stray hairs in

the tip of your poker. That's fine.

Sorry.

I want you to get it up.

I want you to get it up. Come on.

Get it off of your teeth.

Boys.

Alright. I'm excited.

It's just difficult.

It's kind of really weird, you know.

It's like, sorry mom.

It's the first in the...

What?

It's okay. Oh, okay.

Alright.

Your mom is here to teach you boys.

There's nothing wrong with it.

It's all for the lesson. It's okay.

Nothing's wrong with it. It's okay.

Remember?

Alright.

What are you going to teach us, mom?

Jimmy's going to

show us what he learned. Right, Jimmy?

Were you listening?

I mean, it's whatever.

I'm not even mad at this point.

It's okay, Jimmy.

Tom, a woman's vagina is

very sensitive.

You have to be gentle.

Um, okay.

That's my mom's vagina. Yeah, yeah.

There.

What are you trying to do?

I understand a can.

Yeah, you should. You should watch.

You made me watch, watch,

that's the lips and that's

where our date goes in, I

kind of got lost in the...

No way, isn't this all right there?

The clit. Good Jimmy!

The happy button.

It's where most women aren't

the most unstable.

It's very important to never

forget about the clay.

So we'll just rub it, rub it like this?

Exactly. Very gently.

Very gently.

And so we only like to be

teased before we get fucked.

It's very arousing.

What? Did I just hear?

Oh, come on.

I like to get teased.

See? It's a good thing we're

having this conversation.

That's why we're having

this conversation.

Yep. This is why. It's okay.

It's okay.

Remember? You said it was okay.

It is okay, guys. It's okay.

It's all normal. It's fine.

Completely normal.

I'm so

happy we're teaching you something new.

Me too. A little bit.

Your girlfriends will thank us as well.

Um, I'm not telling my

girlfriend anything about this,

like ever.

Okay, boys. Or anyone.

Yeah, this is a lot.

In fact, after we're done

here, I'm gonna go in my

room and pretend that this

never, ever happened.

This never happened.

I mean, um. Okay, boys.

Uh oh.

What?

My pants?

No.

What is that cock?

Uh, uh, no?

You know what it's called?

It's your cock, yes.

Yes, I know. I just didn't

want to say it.

Or, call the cock a dick.

Whatever else you young boys

call it nowadays.

Winger. Prick.

Tallywhacker.

We get the idea. Party boys.

Twig and berries.

Did you get your cock?

No, she didn't.

I mean, after playing with

us, I mean, I feel like it's

probably getting kind of hard.

You should show us.

That was just a demonstration.

Listen, we know how that

whole situation works.

Yeah, we've been using it for a while.

I'm not taking my dig out in

front of my friend.

That's as weird as funny as it sounds.

No way.

Jimmy, just focus on me, then

it's not weird.

Yeah, focus on my mom, I guess.

No, I'll focus on yours.

Deal?

Come on. Right here.

All right boys, drop those drawers.

He doesn't know what to do. Oh, shit.

All right boys, get them out.

Are you sure I have to do this?

Come on Jenny, listen to me.

Do this your fault.

So you could do it.

Seriously?

Thanks.

Yeah.

Oh my god Jimmy. Your cock

is way bigger than your dad's.

This is already weird enough.

I don't want to hear that mom.

It's okay. I can't.

This is so embarrassing.

Poor Jimmy over here is embarrassed.

Why don't you swap with your friend?

Yeah, let's switch.

Go over to Miss Ellie. - Cool with that.

Okay, I guess. It's better than my mom.

Oh, well!

You have a great cock, too.

Oh my god, really?

Those balls. They look like they're full of cum.

Um, probably.

Oh, so much more than I imagined.

You imagined this?

Only once or twice. It's not weird, right?