Original subtitles

Downloaded from YTS.MX

(film reel clicking)

- Sir, you're looking at a woman, who's up for a challenge.

Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX

You know, a woman when she puts her mind into something,

she makes it happen.

A woman who's determined, you know,

who refuses to fail.

Quiet frankly, sir, you're looking at a yes woman.

You've never seen a woman so light on her feet.

(stool rattles)

(mellow rock music)

One thing I've learned very early in life,

don't you ever, ever let anyone choose your furniture.

I still don't know how I developed a big mouth.

I don't know whether I was curious

or maybe I just wanted to distract people from how I looked.

School didn't make it easier.

I was big.

But kids don't need to be bigger than you to bully you.

And that was Lindi.

Geez, she gave me hell.

(Buyi speaking Zulu)

- Ah, I don't play with, ah fatties.

(Buyi speaking Zulu)

We're not dumb.

- Then what do cows drink a milk?

- Uh, milk.

- Water, dummy.

- You're saying that because you look like a cow.

- Surprisingly Lindi and I became very good friends.

She grew up to be the sexy bombshell.

- Hi sir, oh, I just love your voice,

speaking to Lindi from H&H insurance.

And I'm sure you know what I'm about to say.

Can you just sign up for a policy?

Make my day.

- And as for me, job's like this, perfect.

Only my voice is needed.

- Ouch, careful, I'm wearing contact lenses, man.

Jisses. - I'm sorry.

- [Actress] And I don't like this pink eye shadow

that you put on, you see it's making my eyes look all puffy.

(phone ringing)

How's Los Angeles?

No, I'm on set and...

- Breathe Buyi, breathe.

(actress speaking Zulu)

Breathe in, breathe out.

- [Actress] Who are you dating now?

- Breathe out the negative, breathe in the positive.

(phone thuds) (glass breaks)

Never to work as a makeup artist ever again.

But as my luck will have it,

I had this wonderful opportunity to do what I love.

I know, there's always an upside.

They don't talk back.

No complaints (chuckles).

- Thank you so much boo, (smacks lips) love you.

(woman speaking Zulu)

- But gluten-free base ne.

- Okay, are we tryna watch our weight (speaks Zulu)

- Ha, always.

- Is it?

- Not me. - Not you?

- No. (Buyi speaking Zulu)

Meat-lovers.

- Okay.

- With extra pepperoni. - Extra.

- Ham. - Yebo.

- Bacon. - Bacon.

- [Buyi] Mushroom. - Mushroom.

- [Buyi] 'Kay wait for it.

(speaking Zulu)

- Cheese. (women laugh)

(woman speaking Zulu)

The dick that you've known for three week, really?

(clicks tongue)

You're gonna have to hook me up with your rugby friends,

at this rate, I'm very desperate.

(speaking Zulu)

Joh, I don't know how people kiss that mess.

(speaking Zulu) (woman laughs)

(alarm clock ringing)

(soft upbeat music)

(phone ringing)

Hello?

Yes, Mr. Yang,

(Buyi sighs)

I was on my way home.

Okay.

Okay, cool.

Oh, good day Mr. Yang.

I told you a long time ago about my sisters wedding.

- [Yang] Just work and don't complain.

- Don't come back or don't complain, eish.

(suitcase rattles)

Fuck.

(upbeat African music)

(Buyi speaking Zulu)

Okay.

(Buyi speaking Zulu)

(taxi driver speaking Zulu)

(tire pops)

(Buyi speaks Zulu)

Fuck.

Fuck.

Lift!

(speaking in Zulu)

(speaking in Zulu)

Shit.

An average person can survive 40 days without food,

and three days without water.

Phew, let's see if I can survive three minutes.

Okay, one minute.

Boetie.

Boetie (Buyi speaks in Zulu)

(taxi driver speaks in Zulu)

(conversation in Zulu continues)

(upbeat African music)

- Buyi Dube

(Dudu speaking in Zulu)

(Buyi speaks in Zulu)

(mother speaks in Zulu)

(father speaks in Zulu)

(Buyi speaking in Zulu)

(Dudu speaks in Zulu)

(Buyi speaks in Zulu)

(mother speaks in Zulu)

(father speaks in Zulu)

(Buyi speaks in Zulu)

(upbeat African music)

Okay, what is marriage?

If not two people in love, coming together to get married.

What is marriage?

Is marriage the same as wedding?

(upbeat African music)

(record skips)

(upbeat Indian music)

Okay, what is love?

What is, what is love?

Love is when two people come together.

Love is when two people are serious about each other,

they tell the government about it, (laughs) no.

(upbeat Indian music)

And weddings are such great

ceremonies, 'cause there's lovely food.

So, it was really love at first sight.

Do we believe in love at first sight?

Of course not, this is a scam.

A government system to make you pay for something

that you can get for free.

Look at this place.

Love, love, love, I'm in love.

Do you think love paid for all of this?

- [Greg] Buyi Lolwasi Dube.

- Greg.

(children screaming)

(soft romantic music)

Greg.

- Buyi Lolwasi Dube.

- Wow.

- Yeah. - Wow, kunjani?

(Greg speaking in Zulu)

- You've grown, - Grown a beard, yeah I know.

- Yeah. - Yeah.

- Tattoos.

- Oh, yeah, yeah.

(Buyi speaking in Zulu)

- Not enough, not enough.

- Okay.

- Look at you though, still as beautiful as ever.

- Listen, I'll talk to you later.

- Are you doing a speech?

- Mhm.

- Even worse, I'm an MC.

- Joh, if you're MC'ing don't you think you should

maybe slow down on the drinks?

- No, nerves.

Oh.

(father speaking in Zulu)

(Buyi speaking in Zulu)

- Hi, Mrs. Kahn.

- Let's have our glasses,

it is every daddy's dream to see

a daughter getting married,

especially to a man like Arjun.

- Here, here.

(glasses clinking)

- To Arjun.

(auntie speaking in Zulu)

(mother speaks in Zulu)

(Buyi clears throat) (Buyi burps)

- [Buyi] Sanbona,

excuse me.

Good day, good evening.

To the in-laws, Namaste.

This is my in-law family,

the Kahn family.

(indistinct) my girl.

This is our in-law family.

(Buyi clears her throat)

I hope and I was praying that's Mrs. Kahn has another son,

'cause Auntie's crying here.

(Buyi laughs)

Auntie wants someone to lobola me so,

if you want a deal (clicks tongue) you can e-wallet.

(wedding party laughs)

I'm not that bad ne, (laughter)

and don't know either, wants lobola for herself,

or rent money (Buyi laughs).

Okay, in Zulu, (speaks Zulu).

(Buyi laughs) direct translation, what good babies.

(laughter)

I'm Buyi Dube,

I'm older sister to Dudu.

She looks very matured.

Everything is together.

I was also surprised.

Ah, 'cause Dudu was very young.

(Buyi speaks Zulu)

The next thing, doo doo, double D.

So now, my sister is also,

you know, zhuzhed up.

A bit of a bling-bling.

Is no longer a Zulu now, Zundian.

(laughter)

Okay.

(slow orchestral music)

(guests shouting)

- [Dudu] See what she has done.

(guests shouting)

- [Guest] Oh my goodness.

(Greg clapping)

(father speaking in Zulu)

(Buyi speaks in Zulu)

- Sorry sir, I can take her.

I'll take care of her.

(father speaking in Zulu)

(Buyi speaking in Zulu)

(father speaking in Zulu)

No problem, sir, will do.

Ah, easy, easy.

- Fell on my sisters cake.

I hope you don't want to fall on my cake.

- Don't worry, I'll take care of you.

(Buyi speaks Zulu) I'll take good care of you.

Easy, easy.

No, no, no, no, on the bed, on the bed.

Yeah, there we go.

Ah huh, it's better on the bed.

There we go.

Okay, upsy daisy.

Yep, those are the stairs.

There's your bed right there.

Get your shoes.

♪ Some people like baby you and me ♪

♪ Did you ever think we'd be good together ♪

♪ It's only you ♪

♪ I know that you were made for me. ♪

- Try beating us now, cow.

- [Young Greg] Stop, leave her alone.

- [Young boy] Look, Eggy Greggy has come

to rescue his girlfriend.

(children laugh)

- I am not, his girlfriend.

- [Lindi] Buyi and Greg, sitting in a tree (laughs).

♪ Some people know they belong together ♪

♪ Some people like baby, you and me ♪

- Sleep it off.

♪ Did you ever think we'd be good together ♪

♪ It's only you ♪

♪ I know that you were made for me ♪

- Fuck.

(Buyi groans)

Greg?

(Buyi knocking)

Greg, Greg.

Haibo, you slept in the car?

- Yeah, it's cozy sometimes.

- Mfethu, you should have come and slept with me.

(Buyi speaking in Zulu)

- Chivalry is not dead.

(Buyi clicks tongue) (Buyi speaks Zulu)

- Come.

- Where? - Let's go.

(Buyi speaks Zulu)

- I haven't brushed my teeth or anything.

(car door squeaks)

(car door slams)

- Oh, I'm tired, jisses.

(Buyi speaking in Zulu)

(father speaking Zulu)

- I just came to say thank you for the invitation,

and I'll be on my way.

(mother speaking in Zulu)

(Buyi speaking in Zulu)

(mother speaking Zulu)

(father speaking Zulu)

(mother speaking Zulu)

- It has to be savored.

Not so Mr. Patel?

- Yes it is, madame.

(Buyi speaking Zulu)

(mother speaking Zulu)

(Buyi speaking Zulu)

(mother speaking Zulu)

(Buyi speaking Zulu)

(mother speaking Zulu)

(Buyi speaking Zulu)

- Wow,

our lovely couple of the year.

(lip smacking)

- Mr. Dube, thank you for everything.

- Sure, it's a pleasure.

(indistinct chatter)

- [Mother] Oh, please keep looking after my baby like you

- Dudu. - [Mother] Always have.

(Buyi speaks in Zulu)

(Dudu speaking in Zulu)

(Mother speaking in Zulu)

Okay, mama.

- Bye-bye my Zulu Princess.

Bye-bye my son.

(Dudu speaking in Zulu)

(father speaking in Zulu)

(mother speaking in Zulu)

(father speaking in Zulu)

- I let all my children walk their paths with pride,

but we as adults,

need to differentiate between floating about

and walking a path.

- Yebo.

(mother speaking in Zulu)

- I'm not 40 mom, I'm 38.

- 40.

(soft somber music)

(door bangs shut)

(soft somber music continues)

(Buyi exhales)

(mother speaking in Zulu)

(upbeat electro-jazz music)

(scale clatters)

- Fuck.

(Lindi laughs)

(Lindi speaking in Zulu)

I'm just gonna die old, lonely.

Maybe I should be gay.

- Oh, sure.

(Lindi speaks in Zulu)

All right, obviously not that.

- I feel like I don't know whether she's worried about me,

or she hates me.

- (Lindi speaking in Zulu) she loves you.

(speaking in Zulu) Your problem is very simple.

Okay.

(ladies speaking in Zulu).

My man market.

(Buyi speaks Zulu)

It's my secret recipe.

(Lindi speaking in Zulu)

(Lindi sighs)

(ladies speaking in Zulu)

(douche squeaks)

(Lindi laughs)

It's for the other hole. (douche squeaks)

(Lindi speaking Zulu)

- Hai, what kind of progress?

(Buyi speaking in Zulu)

- We ordered pizzas and male strippers (laughs).

- Male strippers?

(Buyi speaks in Zulu)

- Do you want something to drink?

(Lindi speaking Zulu)

Is there a difference?

- Duh.

- Okay.

Excuse me, excuse me, excuse me,

excuse me.

Oh, T, T.

(soft house music)

Thank you.

(Buyi yells)

(Buyi gasps)

- I'm Fentse, and you are?

- How'd you do this?

- Se magic.

- Wow.

- You still didn't tell me your name.

- I'm Buyi.

- Buyi, - Yes.

(Fentse snarls) (Fentse blows kisses)

- Okay,

wow.

(Buyi chuckles)

(upbeat African music)

(Buyi chuckles)

- Voila.

(Fentse chuckles) (glasses clink)

(Fentse slurping milk)

- Ah, one moment. (Fentse slurps)

(Fentse meows)

- I know, weird, but ke.

(Buyi groans) (Fentse meows)

(Buyi screams)

(Fentse growls)

What are you doing?

- Welcome to the land of milk and honey.

Won't you be my mama kit-kat,

and feed this big kit-kat some milky-milky?

- No, no, no, I think it's, it's late.

I wanna go.

(door locks) (keys jingle)

What are you doing?

(Fentse meows)

I can just see the headline,

"Horny Woman, Killed by a Horny Serial Killer

in a Cat Pajamas"

(Fentse growls)

(Fentse screams)

(Fentse coughs)

(Fentse groans)

(door squeaks)

(door thuds)

- [Instructor] Ladies, right leg up, left leg back.

One, two, three, four,

five, six, faster.

(Instructor exhales)

Faster, faster, faster, faster, faster.

(Lindi speaking in Zulu)

- Big kit-kat.

(Buyi speaking in Zulu)

- It's proper witchcraft. (Lindi laughs)

(Instructor speaking Zulu)

(whistle squeals) - Change.

(Lindi speaking Zulu)

(woman wailing)

- My sister's body, has been vandalized.

- Vandalized?

(woman wailing) (Yang speaking Chinese)

- She's talking about this.

(woman weeping)

- What on earth is this on her left eye?

- You know, I thought I was going to make it

so that it can represent pain.

I thought it was poetic. (woman sobs)

- Are you stupid or something?

Gangsters do that when they've killed someone.

- [Buyi] No, look this one is on the right.

It's not on the left, that one is for criminals.

Like when you're piercing for men.

Left is gay, right is straight.

- [Woman] I want my money back.

- No, no, no, no, come back.

Wait, come back.

- I can use my make up to fix it.

- Ai, Buyi, I told you million times.

Between neck and belly button fair play,

no problem.

But face loose business. (Yang sighs)

- Hey, they told me I could find you here.

- Hi.

- What was that about?

- Eish, you know, bad day at the office.

- Hm. - Some drama.

- Yeah? - How are you?

- I'm good. - When did you get in?

- Today. - Oh.

- You're the first person I came to see.

- Nice. - Yeah.

(Buyi sighs)

So, the two of you look like you need a stiff drink.

- Tell me about it, I need one.

- Yeah?

- Let me just get my bag here.

- Yo, where's that hot sizzling friend of yours, man?

(Buyi laughs)

- Well, you know she's coming now actually.

- Tell me. - Mm.

- Is she seeing anyone?

- Togs, not the easy one, that one.

- Oh, don't worry about that, know I got this.

I got this, girl.

I got this.

- [Lindi] Tjommie, tjommie, tjommie,

tjommie, tjommie, tjommie.

You owe me big time.

Like I literally had to put my fat sexy ass on the line.

(Buyi speaks Zulu)

He couldn't believe that you were sick.

(Lindi stifles a laugh)

Handbag.

- Stop, leave her alone.

- [Young Lindi] Oh look, you dropped your handbag, cow.

(young Lindi laughs)

- [Lindi] Isn't he your handbag from high school?

(Lindi laughs)

- The names Greg, hi Lindi, kunjani?

- Of course, Greg the Handbag.

(Lindi laughs)

(Lindi speaking Zulu)

- Sorry, hey Lindi. (Lindi laughs)

(phone ringing)

- Hey, bebe.

- Anybody ever tell you look good when you walk away?

- Sorry Greg, eish, you know Lindi.

- You look as beautiful as the day I met you.

- What do you want in Jozi?

- Besides you, I've started a management company

for stand-up comedians.

- Really?

- Yeah.

- Don't lie! - Yeah.

- Do you know Gututogs is starting

a comedy thing here right?

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, he told me.

- [Buyi] So, who are you managing?

- Well, I've got a couple of young guys,

on the list you know,

the up-and-comings, underground new comics and stuff.

But what I really need, is you.

Yeah. - Need me?

(Buyi speaks Zulu)

- Yeah, I'm very serious.

I even spoke to Togs, I've confirmed you for the line up,

on the opening day of the Comedy Fest.

- No, I couldn't do that.

- Why not?

- I'm not funny.

I'm not funny.

I might be inappropriate, yes, maybe.

- [Greg] No. - But I'm not funny.

- Inappropriate, real,

real is funny.

People love real.

- Uh, like my family loved that I puked

at my sisters wedding?

Funny?

- That was funny.

- Now, you are funny.

Just drink your beer.

- I don't know why you don't see, what I see in you.

(clicks tongue) I see so much.

I wanna sign you.

- Thank you, but I'm not doing stand-up.

Cheers to you.

- Cheers.

- Oh, man-market number two.

- Here?

What about Builder's Warehouse and bars?

- Ha, foreigners, big ones.

- Sjoe.

(congregation praising)

- [Pastor] God is here. - Amen. (indistinct cheering)

- My brothers, my sisters.

Give unto the lord.

(congregation praising)

(Lindi speaking Zulu)

Yes, jump, jump, jump, jump.

(speaking in tongues)

- Oh, profess I baba.

(speaking in tongues)

- Yes, take him, bring him up, bring him up.

(indistinct shouting)

Yes, we need to give now.

- Yes!

Profess I, baba!

- Give unto the lord, for the lord loves you.

- Let's get baskets.

- Huh?

(Lindi speaking Zulu)

(indistinct shouting)

- [Greg] Togs. - Yeah.

(indistinct) all she needs is one chance baba, one chance.

Every one needs one chance.

Imagine if, Nelson Mandela wasn't given one chance.

He'd still be breaking rocks on an island,

like a capetonian gangster.

Just breaking rocks.

- Yeah, yeah I get that.

I like Buyi too, man.

But fuck, I'm talking about top notch stuff here.

She can come, the second one or the third one,

but not now, not now Greg.

- No man, no, you're not thinking.

- Greg, Greg, it's not happening buddy.

Which part of no, do you not understand?

Is it the n, or the o?

I'm not fuckin' have Buyi here, bottom-line.

That's it, askies mfani.

- I understand no perfectly.

(indistinct cheering) (Lindi speaking Zulu)

- Hai, this thing is very funny mfethu.

(ladies speaking Zulu)

- He's waiting for a huge miracle.

(Lindi continues in Zulu)

Thank you.

(Lindi speaks in Zulu)

Jackpot. (Buyi giggles)

(Lindi speaks in Zulu)

Oh, brother.

- Are you enjoying the chicken?

- Ah, I was just sampling but it looks good.

- Do you mind if I join?

- Oh no, you can go ahead.

Greg. - Hey.

- Oh, I didn't know you were outside.

(Buyi speaks in Zulu)

- Ah, no it's fine, let's go.

- Ah, I've got plans for tonight.

- What kind of plans?

Like a date?

- [Buyi] Yeah, this Nigerian guy from church.

- Didn't know you go to church.

- [Buyi] Oh, I do go to church.

- Have you given any thought to what we spoke about?

- Yeah, oh, that's him.

I have to go,

later.

Hello. (Buyi laughs)

How are you?

I'm good.

- I'll, I'll,

call you.

(soft African music)

(car door thuds)

(car motor whining)

(car door clicks)

- Shit.

(luggage thuds)

- Babe?

(gate rattles)

(Buyi groans)

- And that?

What's with the cushion?

- Ah, too soon, too sensitive.

- Was it him?

What's that about.

- Don't ask

- Did he?

- Oh, come on. - Okay.

- Thank you ladies and gentlemen, my name is Odisi,

you've been wonderful.

(audience applauds)

- Yeah, one more time for Odisi.

Oh, that was very nice.

For those of you who just got here.

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Chizas Comedy Festival.

Now, without wasting anymore time,

let's make some noise.

(Buyi speaking in Zulu)

(audience chatting for Buyi)

- Come on Buyi.

- Come on, girl.

(audience chanting for Buyi)

(tray crashes)

Hey, okay.

(audience boos)

Another one bites the dust.

Hey, this comedy thing is very difficult hey.

(audience laughs)

You die even before you get on stage.

But don't be alarmed, don't be alarmed.

We've got a couple of great acts.

- [Instructor] Stomach on the ball.

Buyi, concentrate.

Lindi, drop your phone.

Flex on the ball.

(Lindi sighs) (Lindi speaking Zulu)

- I'm talking about Greg.

- Mm, but he's trying to hook you up tjommie.

- No, I'm tired of people trying to fix my life.

As if there's something wrong with my life.

There's nothing wrong with me.

(Lindi speaking in Zulu)

- Are two different things.

Apa, you have two jobs, trying to find a man.

- If I wanted to be a comedian,

I would have been a comedian by now.

Some more advice to you, just squat.

(Lindi speaking in Zulu)

Come on, you can do it.

(Lindi speaking in Zulu)

- Definitely, we're getting our land back

they stole from our ancestors.

- Yes. - #bringbackourland.

- [Teacher] Ladies. - Hey.

- Are your husbands joining us today?

- Oh, no we're single moms.

Like mommies and daddies, that's us.

- Oh well, welcome.

- Thank you.

- So, which child is yours?

- Um, Leanna.

- I'm pretty sure I met Leanna's mother last week.

- The other Leanna.

- Well, welcome to the both of you.

- Thank you.

- And you ma'am?

- Godfather.

- [Teacher] Welcome to all you fathers,

step-fathers, grand-fathers.

Right, so I've prepared a little song for everyone

to remember when tucking your children in at night.

And it goes a little something like this.

♪ Don't touch me over here ♪

♪ Don't touch me over ♪

♪ And I think you know the rest ♪

All right, all together now.

♪ Don't touch me over here ♪

♪ Don't touch me over ♪

♪ And I think you know the rest ♪

- Look at this one.

- [Lindi] Never.

Crocs, no wedding ring, tricky.

- [Teacher] They can't stay inside the lines.

For their age, they should be able to color inside lines.

- The other one with the shirt.

- [Lindi] Ha, wife-beater.

- How do you know?

(Lindi speaking Zulu)

I don't see anything.

- Exactly, you don't see anything.

Small dick, no self esteem.

(Lindi speaks in Zulu)

For the rest of your life.

- [Teacher] Guys, as you can see this beautiful

colored in drawings.

- Oh, fuck.

He's fuckin' sexy.

(Lindi whimpers)

Who is he?

(Lindi laughs)

(ladies speak in Zulu)

- That's Brad, Mr. Right Peters.

(Lindi speaks in Zulu)

He's old news.

- So, can I take?

- Yeah.

- [Teacher] Moving along, if you can just take

one of this.

I no longer want your child in my class.

- Oh, I hate kids.

I don't like kids.

Chicken pox, snots and all.

Hmm.

Hello, cutie.

- Hi.

- Lovely glasses.

- Thank you.

- Oh, I wish I had those when I was younger.

- Why didn't you get them?

- I didn't want the forehead and four eyes.

(Buyi laughs)

- Hi.

Oh, is this your daughter?

- Yes.

- Amazing, she's amazing.

- Oh, there you go. - Thank you.

- I'm, I'm Brad Peters.

- Oh, I'm Buyi (laughs).

- She's funny.

- Oh, she likes you.

- I'm good with kids (chuckles).

(soft romantic music)

(Lindi speaking Zulu)

- Just for you and Brad to just have dinner.

(Lindi speaks in Zulu)

(indistinct chatter)

- Hello, can I buy you a drink?

- No thanks.

(Lindi speaks in Zulu) if I need one.

(Lindi speaks in Zulu)

I don't want people to think that we're together.

- But would that be a bad thing, babes?

Listen man, why don't you go on a date with me?

- Oh, no, now you're pushing it.

- Come on, it'll give you a chance to get to know me.

You know, gauge me a bit.

- Gauge my ass.

- Joh, I wish.

And why are you always talking to me in this aggressive,

and abusive language?

Are you scared that people start thinking

that you're falling for me?

- Bitch please, I don't fall, I get fallen for.

(cellphone rings)

Hey baby, where are you?

(Lindi speaking in Zulu) checking my ass.

Oh, okay.

All right, I'll see you tomorrow then.

Sharp.

- [Togs] You see, he's a fucking idiot.

(Lindi speaking in Zulu)

So, you think this date thing is gonna happen?

Just one date.

Just one, ke.

- All I know, is that no one will convince me,

that pigeons are cute.

After seeing those two what, legless pigeons

fighting over a drumstick.

(laughter)

You must think I'm crazy.

- I think your coo-coo.

That's funny.

- No, it's not funny. - [Brad] You see what I did,

I said you're coo-coo because you don't like birds.

That is funny.

- That's painful.

- Painfully funny.

- No, stop at comedy, you're lame.

- I'm, I'm lame?

Okay, I'll make a deal with you.

I'll stop being lame,

and trying to be funny,

if you'll sleep with me.

(slow jazz music)

- Hmm, I'm getting the land back.

One round at a time.

(upbeat jazz)

Is this what you want?

- That's exactly what I want.

- But you must know,

once you go fat, you never go back.

(pot sizzling)

- [Lindi] Tjommie, tjommie, I'm so sorry.

What happened?

- Eish, we were doing it and then he just had a fit.

(Buyi speaks in Zulu)

- While you were on top?

- [Mrs. Peters] Excuse me, I'm looking for Brad Peters.

- Who are you?

- I'm his wife.

- Fuck.

Really?

- I didn't know.

- You just stupid bra. - I'm sorry, I didn't know.

- [Doctor] Are you the one who brought Mr. Peters in?

- No, no, no, I just got a message,

I'm his wife and these are his children.

- Oh, well, he's dead.

(crying)

People die every day.

- [Wife] Excuse me?

- Just saying.

- Shit happens, you know?

- Really?

(Buyi speaks in Zulu)

(Lindi speaks in Zulu)

- I was only trying to help.

- That's where the problem is.

(Buyi speaks in Zulu)

I'm not your charity case.

And don't go around (speaks in Zulu).

(Lindi speaks in Zulu)

(Buyi speaks in Zulu)

- Sherbet.

(police sirens)

(slow somber music)

♪ Don't you ever miss ♪

♪ A single kiss from a lovers lips ♪

♪ Holding you when you dance ♪

♪ Then you dance all night ♪

♪ Don't you ever miss ♪

♪ The morning light through the meadow mist ♪

♪ Why do you always feel ♪

♪ Like you can't move on ♪

♪ Don't you want me now ♪

♪ It's not the same old story ♪

♪ Don't you worry now ♪

♪ It's not the same old song ♪

(door slams)

Thank you for the lift.

- You're not going to say anything?

- I just did.

- About the club,

you bailed on me, you let me down.

- [Buyi] You set me up.

- [Greg] You know what, it was one of those experiments

where you know, you throw somebody in the deep end

and you see if they can sink or swim.

You know, one of those kind of things.

- Do I look like I know how to swim?

- You can't swim?

- Fuck off.

- [Greg] Okay, I'm sorry, I was joking okay.

- Well, my life is not a joke.

And don't you and Lindi

have some shit going on in your lives?

Just leave me alone.

And let me fuck up my own life,

in my own terms.

(water trickling)

I don't need your fucking help.

- Yes, you do.

- No, I don't.

- Yes, you do.

- No, I don't.

- Yes, you do.

- No, I don't, and you're starting to piss me off.

- Okay, calm down, relax.

How about we crack open a cold one?

- Huh? - Not a body, a beer.

(Buyi laughs)

So, we got the house all to ourselves.

- Yep.

No. - Yes.

Yes. - No.

(soft romantic music)

Why are you laughing?

- You really (indistinct).

(Greg laughing)

- What? (Greg laughing)

I don't need to do comedy, no uh uh.

All I need is to settle down and find a job.

This whole, comedy entertainment business thing.

No, not at my age.

- But wait, comedy has no age though.

You can still do it.

- Hai no.

(Greg chuckles)

- [Lindi] Wow.

- There you my lady.

- Thank you.

A little dramatic don't you think?

(Togs chuckles) - I'll tone it down next time.

- Oh, you're so ambitious.

- Oh well, more like hopeful babes, you know.

As a business man, I have to be, you know.

So, tell me,

what are your plans, you know?

What do you plan on doing,

I'm sure man, this gig that you have

there at the call center,

I'm sure that's not your final destination, right?

- And how do you know that?

- Because I know you love the finer things in life.

(Lindi sighs)

- Cheers. - Cheers.

- Yeah, I would love to go back to school and,

only after I get this (loud crash).

- Calm down, calm down, calm down Togs.

Sorry babe?

Okay what, what kind of things?

- Money (Lindi speaks in Zulu).

(loud crash)

- You know, you keep saying that, babes.

Like I woke up and I had all of this.

Can I give you some advice?

- What?

- [Togs] It seems to me like,

you know, you're making excuses.

- I'm not making (loud crash)

any excuses (loud crash)

- [Togs] If I have to say this bullshit,

one more time.

One more fucking time.

Sorry about that babes.

Well, black tax, no money,

sounds like excuses to me.

- But that's my reality.

- I get that babes, but you know,

you don't wanna wake up one day and realize that

all your good years are behind you.

- Why are you worrying about me?

- If it's money that you want,

I can give you money and you can get...

- I don't want your money.

(Lindi speaking in Zulu)

- I'm sorry babe, you know, I don't want us to fight,

not on our first date.

This is for you.

Are you okay?

- This is not going to work.

- Fuck.

- Tjommie, fuck I'm so hungry.

- But it's not a gluten-free.

- Thanks, oh, (Lindi speaks in Zulu),

pizza is life.

(Buyi speaks in Zulu)

- Why?

(Buyi speaks in Zulu)

- It was one of those things,

my mind and my body said yes, at the same time.

(Buyi speaks in Zulu)

- But what I'm saying, (speaks in Zulu).

He's just a dead end.

(phone rings) - I'm fucked.

(Lindi speaks in Zulu)

Dudu?

Dudu.

(elevator bell rings)

(women sobbing)

(mother speaking in Zulu)

- Foot gone, foot gone.

(women sobbing)

(father speaking in Zulu)

- I'm sorry baba.

(father speaks in Zulu)

(father chuckles)

- You know, it could have been worse.

- Hm, yeah.

- (speaks in Zulu) I don't want you,

waking up one day, and wondering to yourself,

as to what happened.

You know what?

Just be happy.

- I'm trying (speaks in Zulu),

even when I try, it's like,

it's difficult to just know the difference,

between floating around, walking your path.

Baba (sniffs),

baba,

baba,

baba, bab, ma!

Dudu, Ma!

Baba, baba,

baba, Dudu!

Baba, baba, Ma! (father laughs)

(mother speaking in Zulu)

(father speaking in Zulu)

- I still have the third leg.

- You lost that one long ago.

(father chuckles)

(mother speaks in Zulu)

- Okay, mama.

- How, Dudu (speaking in Zulu) family picture without me.

(Dudu speaking in Zulu)

- I thought maybe that your were going to use

one of the pictures where I'm in it, you know.

You're such a wifey.

- Yes Buyi, I'm such a wifey.

(Dudu speaking in Zulu)

- Nothing, I was just saying.

- You were just saying, (speaks in Zulu),

you act like you're the only one

who's still trying to figure themselves out.

(speaks in Zulu), and I just got married,

but not even once, (speaks in Zulu), just to check up on me.

- I'm sorry Dudu.

(Dudu speaks in Zulu)

- [Dudu] Who throws up on someones wedding cake though?

(speaking in Zulu), double D.

(Buyi speaks in Zulu)

I thought you forgave me, mfethu.

I'm sorry, Dudu.

(Dudu speaks in Zulu)

- I'm trying though.

- You keep on trying though.

That is the problem Buyi.

You keep on trying,

but your not getting anywhere with your life.

- I'm sorry.

But the dush-dush was real hey.

(women speaking in Zulu)

(Buyi laughs)

I'm joking, come here.

I'm joking.

- Okay.

- So, I heard about your father.

- Hmm.

And he's not getting younger hey.

And now that, his leg has been...

It's just...

- Yeah but, at least it's just one leg.

The only thing he can't do is that Zulu dance.

- (Buyi laughs) You're crazy.

- Come here.

- Thank you.

- Buyi, what the?

- That is one angry little Chinese man.

So much anger in a little small thing like that.

Hai. - Oh God.

- How, how do these Chinese come to this country,

and open up a morgue, hey?

Those bodies are fong-kong.

- Shut up. - Fake bodies.

- Where have you seen a Limpopo man,

with made in China on his neck?

Hey?

- What am I gonna do now?

- Stand up comedy.

(clicks tongue)

- Where's your car?

- Oh, I, I sold it.

- Why, do you need the money?

- No, no, no, no, no, relax.

Think about it like this,

I sold it, for an investment into your future.

- No. - I got you onto the line up,

at Togs' Comedy Festival.

- What? - Yeah.

- Ah, no, I'm not gonna do that.

(Buyi speaks in Zulu) I'm not going to do it.

- Yes, you will.

- I'm not.

- You, you just been fired from a morgue,

own that Chinese man.

I mean come on, what else won't you do?

- I am not doing it.

(mother speaking in Zulu)

- Come on Arjun, I know you're not used to it

but push harder.

(mother speaking Zulu)

- Take him up please.

Up, use your muscles boetie, up.

(upbeat African music)

(Greg singing "Eye of the Tiger")

- Greg, shut up please.

- Come back, come back, come back.

- No.

- It's gonna be okay, it's gonna be okay.

Do you need to take a shit? - No.

- It's not butterflies in your stomach, it's shit.

- Okay fine.

- She bends over (wind gust) her ass opens up.

(audience laughs)

Like, I forgot that they'd mentioned a vagina,

all I saw was... (Buyi speaking Zulu)

- They're right in front.

- It's a big night.

- If you go to a party and you're looking for sympathy,

and you're going "(scoffs) I'm tryna watch my weight guys."

"Got a problem with my figure."

"I'm just addicted to those sweets."

(audience laughs)

People are like, "Well, fuck you man."

"Stop eating, as simple as that."

- Jeez, this guy's killing it,

it's packed out there. (speaks in Zulu)

- Don't worry, your gonna kill it.

(Buyi speaks in Zulu)

(audience applauds)

- Ladies and gentlemen, keep the applause going

for De Jager.

(audience cheers)

We're having a good time tonight.

We're having a good time.

Now, the next act that I'm gonna bring on.

She's an underdog, the one who ran away.

(audience laughs)

She's new to comedy, but comedy is not...

- Just remember. - [Togs] Ladies and gentlemen,

go wild - Destiny.

- [Togs] Go mad. - Is never denied.

- [Togs] Please welcome to the stage,

Buyi "Tell it like it is" Dube.

(audience cheers and applauds)

- Ah, ah, oh, this thing's...

(clears throat) Wow.

It's, it's difficult to take these things out.

(Buyi laughs)

Hi, hi, Sanbonani.

My name is Buyi,

and I, I, I'm from KZN.

And I, I am single,

I know, it's not a thing, but it's a thing.

Whenever you meet people,

and you are single, people go crazy.

More specially because I'm 38.

I think they look at me, they're like

"Ha, wena you are no longer single, your are on standby".

(audience laughs)

You must just take whatever that comes your way.

You'll be okay.

And I think, I think I have an issue with,

with everyone else judging people.

(Buyi speaking Zulu)

Why people are going crazy?

You can achieve everything,

you go home an you're like,

"Oh, I'm happy mummy."

"I've got a corner office, I've got this."

There's this one aunty, "Where is the man?"

Haibo. (audience laughs)

What about my achievements here?

But, I, I, I hate that guys just want one particular girl.

Just one type.

Really, one type?

Like here, in South Africa it's worse.

Everyone else like yellow bone, yellow bone,

yellow bones, yellow bones. (Lindi laughs)

Like jisses. (audience laughs)

I'm never gonna be yellow, (giggles)

which is why I had to be bright somewhere, you know,

'cause... (audience laughs)

And it's pressure for us,

I feel like it's (speaks Zulu) big girls, you know.

And last thing is that winter time, is our time.

(audience laughs)

It's a beautiful thing, at least we have a season.

(Greg laughs) But the thing is,

I feel like now we can work everywhere.

'Cause these things,

now everyone is buying them eh?

Kim Kardashian does not have a real thing,

you know why I know?

It does not move. (Buyi laughs)

- [Audience Member] Yes.

- Can have a big one, and it must be tight

like Mike Tyson, nah ah.

When you are big like me, it moves, it responds.

Even when a guy spanks you, it's like,

"what you wanna do, what you wanna do?". (audience laughs)

Kim Kardashian bought these.

Me, my mama gave me that. (Buyi laughs)

(laughter)

But it's, all I'm saying is, we also have our advantages.

Big girls, we also have our advantages.

Maybe we cannot give you nude picture just on one go.

'Cause that one, is a problem.

I know skinny girls, guys go like "what are you wearing?"

"Show me a picture.".

And they go one picture, every thing is out.

Ah!

(audience laughs)

Amazing.

For us, it's a problem.

A guy asks for a nude picture,

I say "Okay."

He's going to wait.

You're still finding an angle,

this thing is far hey.

Your just going, "Jisses, where is it?"

(audience laughs)

Even when you take the picture, you're not satisfied.

(Buyi speaking in Zulu)

(Greg laughs)

and we go through a lot as big girls.

We go through a lot.

From just wearing, you know like,

I'm sexy now.

You must, bear in mind.

If I'm sexy on the outside,

I'm wearing the parachuter on the inside.

You know that huge underwear,

that one, that sits here.

(audience laughs)

That one will create a figure for you.

But when you're visiting your person,

you must have them lace one,

those ones are a problem for us.

'Cause they go under everything.

And you try and take it up.

All the time. (audience laughs)

So, so, the thing is. You must know when you are a big girl,

and you're going to visit your boyfriend

for the first time.

(Buyi speaks in Zulu)

You must bring that one, that is sexy.

The one the one that rolls. But you must buy two.

(audience laughs)

You must buy your size and a smaller one.

It comes in handy,

let me tell you why.

'Cause the smaller one, you hang it the next day.

(audience laughs)

Where are you going to wash your parachuter?

(Buyi speaks in Zulu)

No!

You must hang the small one.

Confuse the brother.

He must look at you, look at the underwear,

goes (speaks in Zulu).

(Greg laughs)

How did she do this?

And then you walk past the underwear,

"Yes, it's mine baby." (audience laughs)

Thank you so much, my name is Buyi.

(audience applauds)

(Greg laughs)

I did it!

I did it.

They were laughing, they're laughing.

- Yeah.

Oh, they want you back.

Go, go, wait, wait. (blows kisses)

(audience chanting for Buyi)

(audience cheering)

- Thank you, I'd like to send a shout out to my mama.

My mom is here, my dad is here,

and my sister Dudu.

And my in laws, we've got the Guptas in the house.

(clapping and cheering)

(Dudu speaking in Zulu)

- Thank you.

(Dudu speaking in Zulu)

Arjun, how's it my bra?

Thank you for coming.

- Well done. - Thank you for coming.

Ha, baba.

(speaking in Zulu)

- That's my girl.

(speaking in Zulu)

- My baby, you were wonderful. (Buyi speaking Zulu)

- Thank you so much.

(mother speaking in Zulu)

- You must fucking cut down on the shit.

(gasps)

(mother speaking Zulu)

(laughter)

- Oh mama, that was funny.

- Oh yes. (Buyi laughs)

- Hey, what are you doing here?

- [Togs] Oh, the question is what are you doing here?

I'm hashtagging, Facebooking, all of those things,

social media (speaks Zulu).

- I came to see you.

- [Togs] Okay.

- So, tell me when last did you see him?

- See who?

- Junior.

- Oh, he can be out and about now, girl.

Oh, open mic session.

- Shhh, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Were you serious about paying my fees?

- Paying fees, I'll pay for your mother,

everybody, your sisters, your whole family.

Oh, baby I'll pay for mmm, mmm, mmm.

- Okay, okay.

(door rattling)

- [Man] Baba?

- What? - No, no, no don't worry.

(door rattling ) - No, no, no.

No, no, no. (door rattling)

(indistinct chatter and laughter)

(Dudu speaking Zulu)

- (Buyi laughs) Greg, thank you.

Thank you.

Did I ever thank you for being there for me,

all this time?

- Don't need to thank me.

I do it 'cause, 'cause I,

- I know. - Yeah?

- Since high school.

(laughter)

So, what's next?

- Take her to the Lyric Theater.

- Oh, really?

- Yeah. - Yay!

Where are you parked?

- I sold my car to bribe Togs remember?

- Oh, sorry I forgot.

You're so sweet.

- Yeah.

- Oh, uh uh, I'm tired of these now.

(Buyi groans)

Oh, take this one, thank you. - Should I carry you as well?

(Buyi laughs) (muffled talking)

- Really? Were you trying to do that?

I can do better.

(Buyi groans) (Greg laughs)

- Carry me like a little bitch.

(Buyi laughs)

She's such a handful.

(upbeat African music)

♪ Oh, never gets so hard ♪

♪ To get you in my room ♪

♪ Until it gets you in my room ♪

♪ Oh, it's never been so hard ♪

♪ To get you to come on home with me ♪

♪ Ah, wanna come on home with me ♪

♪ I can't get those words you're saying out of my head ♪

♪ Get down ♪

♪ Playing all night ♪

♪ I don't mind those games you wanna play ♪

♪ As long as you play them all night ♪

♪ Never give up ♪

♪ Never give up on you ♪

♪ Never give up ♪

♪ Never give up on you ♪

♪ Never give up ♪

♪ Never give up on you ♪

♪ Never give up ♪

♪ Never give up on you ♪

(soft music)

♪ Don't you ever miss ♪

♪ A single kiss from a lovers lips ♪