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- Previously on awkward...
2
00:00:03,404 --> 00:00:06,805
- One a day
keeps the baby away.
3
00:00:06,807 --> 00:00:08,107
- Oh, yes.
4
00:00:08,109 --> 00:00:09,508
- No one wants
to be around me.
5
00:00:09,510 --> 00:00:12,511
At school, everyone hates me.
6
00:00:12,513 --> 00:00:16,515
- I'm crazy about you.
7
00:00:18,451 --> 00:00:19,852
- There were certain things
in my life
8
00:00:19,854 --> 00:00:21,553
I always wanted to keep
to myself.
9
00:00:21,555 --> 00:00:24,890
For example,
my secret for shiny hair,
10
00:00:24,892 --> 00:00:29,895
My ridiculous superstitions...
11
00:00:29,897 --> 00:00:33,232
And my birth control pills.
12
00:00:33,234 --> 00:00:36,435
[ominous music]
13
00:00:36,437 --> 00:00:38,570
- [whispering]
how did he find them?
14
00:00:38,572 --> 00:00:40,539
- I think I left them
in the guest bath.
15
00:00:40,541 --> 00:00:42,241
- Don't worry.
16
00:00:42,243 --> 00:00:43,208
I got this.
17
00:00:43,210 --> 00:00:44,576
[yelling]
what are these?
18
00:00:44,578 --> 00:00:46,245
- You know what those are.
19
00:00:46,247 --> 00:00:47,346
- I can explain.
20
00:00:47,348 --> 00:00:49,882
- Ha ha, jenna, I know
how birth control works.
21
00:00:49,884 --> 00:00:52,651
Why didn't you tell me
you were on the pill?
22
00:00:52,653 --> 00:00:54,219
- It's a surprise.
23
00:00:54,221 --> 00:00:57,656
Actually, for your birthday...
[giggles]
24
00:00:57,658 --> 00:00:59,391
Three months ago.
25
00:00:59,393 --> 00:01:01,060
But we shouldn't be having
this conversation
26
00:01:01,062 --> 00:01:02,027
In front of jenna.
27
00:01:02,029 --> 00:01:05,464
- I agree. Gonna take
my breakfast on the go.
28
00:01:05,466 --> 00:01:06,565
- Lace?
29
00:01:06,567 --> 00:01:09,768
Why are we
still using condoms?
30
00:01:11,671 --> 00:01:14,373
Jenna!
31
00:01:14,375 --> 00:01:16,041
[typing]
32
00:01:16,043 --> 00:01:18,010
[crash]
33
00:01:18,012 --> 00:01:19,178
- In that moment,
34
00:01:19,180 --> 00:01:21,613
My dad went through
all five stages of grief
35
00:01:21,615 --> 00:01:24,917
For the loss of
his only daughter's virginity.
36
00:01:24,919 --> 00:01:26,418
Denial.
37
00:01:26,420 --> 00:01:28,954
Anger.
38
00:01:28,956 --> 00:01:31,090
Bargaining.
39
00:01:31,092 --> 00:01:33,892
Depression.
40
00:01:33,894 --> 00:01:36,662
Acceptance.
41
00:01:36,664 --> 00:01:38,597
- [types on keypad]
- what are you doing?
42
00:01:38,599 --> 00:01:42,034
- Looking up matty's parents'
number in the online directory.
43
00:01:42,036 --> 00:01:43,235
- He added one more:
44
00:01:43,237 --> 00:01:44,069
Broadcasting.
45
00:01:44,071 --> 00:01:45,437
Mom, don't let him do this.
46
00:01:45,439 --> 00:01:47,806
- Kevin...Don't do this.
47
00:01:47,808 --> 00:01:49,341
- Really? That's the best
you can do?
48
00:01:49,343 --> 00:01:51,310
Dad, please think
before you act.
49
00:01:51,312 --> 00:01:53,378
- I am thinking before I act.
50
00:01:53,380 --> 00:01:55,614
Because if I were to act
before thinking
51
00:01:55,616 --> 00:01:56,748
Matty would be dead.
52
00:01:56,750 --> 00:01:57,749
I'm calling.
53
00:01:57,751 --> 00:01:59,651
They need to know
that their son is having sex.
54
00:01:59,653 --> 00:02:01,320
- I agree with your father.
- What?
55
00:02:01,322 --> 00:02:02,855
- Well, it's just
good parenting, jenna.
56
00:02:02,857 --> 00:02:04,623
- I don't understand
why you guys are making
57
00:02:04,625 --> 00:02:05,624
Such a big deal of this.
58
00:02:05,626 --> 00:02:08,427
You bought me condoms.
You knew what could happen!
59
00:02:08,429 --> 00:02:11,463
- I can see how that is
a confusing message to send her.
60
00:02:11,465 --> 00:02:13,999
- The condoms were
a preemptive strike
61
00:02:14,001 --> 00:02:16,168
To make sure
that you'd be safe
62
00:02:16,170 --> 00:02:18,036
When the time came,
63
00:02:18,038 --> 00:02:20,372
Which I hoped
was well into your 20s.
64
00:02:20,374 --> 00:02:21,406
- That makes no sense.
65
00:02:21,408 --> 00:02:23,275
- It doesn't have
to make sense to you!
66
00:02:23,277 --> 00:02:24,877
It only has to make sense
to me!
67
00:02:24,879 --> 00:02:27,212
I'm your father!
- He's right.
68
00:02:27,214 --> 00:02:29,681
Even though it really doesn't
make sense to me.
69
00:02:29,683 --> 00:02:32,885
- Dad, please don't do--
mom, help me, help me.
70
00:02:32,887 --> 00:02:34,786
- Kevin...
- Hang up, hang up, hang up...
71
00:02:34,788 --> 00:02:36,321
- Just put down the phone.
- Hang up, hang up.
72
00:02:36,323 --> 00:02:37,723
Please, I am begging you,
hang up the phone!
73
00:02:37,725 --> 00:02:39,725
- Hello,
this is kevin hamilton,
74
00:02:39,727 --> 00:02:40,692
Jenna's dad.
75
00:02:40,694 --> 00:02:45,063
I think that you should know
our children are having sex.
76
00:02:45,065 --> 00:02:48,534
Call me back if you want
to talk about this.
77
00:02:48,536 --> 00:02:52,404
- You left a voice mail?
78
00:02:52,406 --> 00:02:53,805
[overlapping chattering]
79
00:02:53,807 --> 00:02:58,477
- Follow the sound
of the clapping noise, monkeys.
80
00:02:58,479 --> 00:02:59,778
Since we had to skip lunch
81
00:02:59,780 --> 00:03:01,547
To squeeze
in this extra practice,
82
00:03:01,549 --> 00:03:02,714
I'll keep my notes short.
83
00:03:02,716 --> 00:03:05,984
Katie, you're hyper-extending
your russians.
84
00:03:05,986 --> 00:03:08,554
No one wants to see
your flying "v."
85
00:03:08,556 --> 00:03:11,023
Tobin, yell from your diaphragm.
86
00:03:11,025 --> 00:03:12,457
You know, that place
that's located
87
00:03:12,459 --> 00:03:14,993
Directly under
your itty-bitties?
88
00:03:14,995 --> 00:03:16,528
And jessica,
89
00:03:16,530 --> 00:03:18,564
You need
to skip a few more lunches.
90
00:03:18,566 --> 00:03:22,834
[overlapping chattering]
91
00:03:22,836 --> 00:03:23,802
- Shut the [bleep] up
92
00:03:23,804 --> 00:03:26,305
And let's start
with partner stunts!
93
00:03:26,307 --> 00:03:27,839
Lissa!
94
00:03:27,841 --> 00:03:29,374
- [peppy]
ready, okay.
95
00:03:29,376 --> 00:03:30,209
[whistle blows]
96
00:03:30,211 --> 00:03:32,044
- What the hell
is everyone gossiping about?
97
00:03:32,046 --> 00:03:34,813
Is the the ricky schwartz
bull[bleep] again?
98
00:03:34,815 --> 00:03:35,847
Like, I murdered him?
99
00:03:35,849 --> 00:03:39,952
'cause if it is, this [bleep]
is getting really old.
100
00:03:39,954 --> 00:03:41,386
- Uh, no, no.
[laughs]
101
00:03:41,388 --> 00:03:43,722
That's not it.
102
00:03:43,724 --> 00:03:45,490
One, two.
103
00:03:45,492 --> 00:03:48,527
- Then what the hell is it?
104
00:03:48,529 --> 00:03:49,294
- Nothing.
105
00:03:49,296 --> 00:03:51,330
- You want me
to walk into a low branch?
106
00:03:51,332 --> 00:03:55,367
- Everyone's talking about
how your parents are broke.
107
00:03:55,369 --> 00:03:56,368
[screams, thud]
108
00:03:56,370 --> 00:03:57,302
- It was an accident.
109
00:03:57,304 --> 00:03:59,271
I left my pills
in the guest bath.
110
00:03:59,273 --> 00:04:01,673
- Ooh, that reminds me, I really
need to get on the pill.
111
00:04:01,675 --> 00:04:03,775
- Are you guys having sex?
- Not yet.
112
00:04:03,777 --> 00:04:05,577
But soon,
and then jake-ara
113
00:04:05,579 --> 00:04:07,212
Will finally have something
over jake-enna.
114
00:04:07,214 --> 00:04:08,580
There's just one thing
keeping me
115
00:04:08,582 --> 00:04:10,182
From being the first lady
of hump city.
116
00:04:10,184 --> 00:04:11,817
I'm waiting for him
to say "I love you."
117
00:04:11,819 --> 00:04:13,051
- What are you talking about?
118
00:04:13,053 --> 00:04:14,786
He says "je t'aime"
all the time.
119
00:04:14,788 --> 00:04:15,887
- Not the same thing.
120
00:04:15,889 --> 00:04:17,422
He said "je t'aime"
when we were abroad.
121
00:04:17,424 --> 00:04:18,557
And he was in a France-trance.
122
00:04:18,559 --> 00:04:20,259
And he only says it now
because he already said it,
123
00:04:20,261 --> 00:04:22,261
And it's stronger
than an "I like you,"
124
00:04:22,263 --> 00:04:23,428
But not quite
an "I love you,"
125
00:04:23,430 --> 00:04:24,663
Which is as high
as you can go love-wise.
126
00:04:24,665 --> 00:04:26,398
- I'm sure he'll say it soon.
127
00:04:26,400 --> 00:04:27,499
[shutter clicks]
128
00:04:27,501 --> 00:04:29,034
- My last pre-sex selfie.
129
00:04:29,036 --> 00:04:31,637
- You know it's a myth
that you look different after.
130
00:04:31,639 --> 00:04:32,804
- Um, you looked different.
131
00:04:32,806 --> 00:04:33,805
- I call shenanigans.
132
00:04:33,807 --> 00:04:35,641
I didn't tell you
until weeks later.
133
00:04:35,643 --> 00:04:37,809
- But I knew something changed,
and it wasn't your bangs,
134
00:04:37,811 --> 00:04:41,513
Because those have
been the same since 1998.
135
00:04:42,615 --> 00:04:44,850
- Well, I hope,
when you do have sex,
136
00:04:44,852 --> 00:04:47,686
Your dad doesn't call his dad
to announce it.
137
00:04:47,688 --> 00:04:48,720
How am I gonna warn matty?
138
00:04:48,722 --> 00:04:50,055
- Just blurt it out,
and then bolt.
139
00:04:50,057 --> 00:04:53,325
That's how I told my mom
I broke her vibrator.
140
00:04:53,327 --> 00:04:54,660
I thought
it was a neck massager.
141
00:04:54,662 --> 00:04:57,262
Anyway, good luck, gotta run.
[laughs]
142
00:04:57,264 --> 00:04:59,264
See, just like that.
143
00:04:59,266 --> 00:05:02,534
[tense music]
144
00:05:02,536 --> 00:05:05,237
♪ ♪
145
00:05:05,239 --> 00:05:07,372
- Hey.
146
00:05:07,374 --> 00:05:09,541
- Hey, so my dad called
your parents
147
00:05:09,543 --> 00:05:11,109
And told them
we're having sex.
148
00:05:11,111 --> 00:05:11,977
Gotta go, bye.
149
00:05:11,979 --> 00:05:15,147
- What? All this extra practice
was for nothing.
150
00:05:15,149 --> 00:05:17,182
- It was an accident.
- We have to call the alternate.
151
00:05:17,184 --> 00:05:18,550
No way lissa's
going to recover.
152
00:05:18,552 --> 00:05:19,885
She'll be out
the whole season.
153
00:05:19,887 --> 00:05:22,154
- We're not calling
the alternate.
154
00:05:22,156 --> 00:05:23,522
That is the final word.
155
00:05:23,524 --> 00:05:25,991
- Actually,
it's not the final word,
156
00:05:25,993 --> 00:05:27,759
Because I have
something to say.
157
00:05:27,761 --> 00:05:30,028
The p.H.H.S. Cheer bylaws
158
00:05:30,030 --> 00:05:31,863
Do allow for
an alternate substitute
159
00:05:31,865 --> 00:05:36,268
In case of injury,
failing grades, or polio.
160
00:05:36,270 --> 00:05:37,402
They were written in the '50s.
161
00:05:37,404 --> 00:05:39,738
- Guys, I'm sure I'll be fine.
162
00:05:39,740 --> 00:05:41,073
I just need
to get on my feet.
163
00:05:41,075 --> 00:05:43,141
Could somebody help me up?
164
00:05:43,143 --> 00:05:45,043
[indistinct radio chatter]
165
00:05:45,045 --> 00:05:45,877
- Listen to me.
166
00:05:45,879 --> 00:05:46,912
Lissa cheered at nationals
167
00:05:46,914 --> 00:05:48,847
The day after a bird flew
into her face
168
00:05:48,849 --> 00:05:49,881
On a roller coaster.
169
00:05:49,883 --> 00:05:51,950
We do not need the alternate.
170
00:05:51,952 --> 00:05:53,218
- I'll be fine!
171
00:05:53,220 --> 00:05:54,753
[class bell rings]
- all right, listen up.
172
00:05:54,755 --> 00:05:56,355
I want to congratulate
all of you
173
00:05:56,357 --> 00:05:57,356
For inspiring me...
174
00:05:57,358 --> 00:05:59,725
To come up with
a whole new grading system.
175
00:05:59,727 --> 00:06:02,227
That's right:
Letters would not suffice.
176
00:06:02,229 --> 00:06:04,963
I had to use words.
177
00:06:04,965 --> 00:06:07,265
"cancerous."
178
00:06:07,267 --> 00:06:09,000
"nauseating."
179
00:06:09,002 --> 00:06:11,169
Uh, "debilitating."
180
00:06:11,171 --> 00:06:12,037
Uh, nice one.
181
00:06:12,039 --> 00:06:15,140
"self-inflicted gunshot wound
to the head."
182
00:06:15,142 --> 00:06:19,745
I know it's more than one word,
but it was earned.
183
00:06:21,581 --> 00:06:23,348
Are you my "hopeless"?
184
00:06:23,350 --> 00:06:28,487
[paper rustling]
185
00:06:28,489 --> 00:06:32,491
Let's go.
186
00:06:35,661 --> 00:06:37,729
[slam]
187
00:06:39,399 --> 00:06:40,932
Okay, there you go.
188
00:06:40,934 --> 00:06:43,268
- My essay is...
189
00:06:43,270 --> 00:06:45,670
"plodden-tory"?
190
00:06:45,672 --> 00:06:47,572
Is that even a word?
- I had to create a word.
191
00:06:47,574 --> 00:06:49,841
To describe
your piece of [bleep].
192
00:06:49,843 --> 00:06:53,044
Because "piece of [bleep]"
just sounds mean.
193
00:06:53,046 --> 00:06:54,246
Now this one,
194
00:06:54,248 --> 00:06:55,247
This is "illuminating."
195
00:06:55,249 --> 00:06:57,015
Would you care to regale us
with a bit of your essay?
196
00:06:57,017 --> 00:06:58,984
- [thinking] given my recent
private humiliation,
197
00:06:58,986 --> 00:07:01,353
It was nice
to have some public recognition.
198
00:07:01,355 --> 00:07:02,921
- Actually, you know what?
Do me a favor.
199
00:07:02,923 --> 00:07:05,724
Don't read it.
I can't hear it aloud.
200
00:07:05,726 --> 00:07:06,925
It hurts me too much.
201
00:07:06,927 --> 00:07:08,226
- But you said
it was illuminating.
202
00:07:08,228 --> 00:07:10,762
- Yes, because
it opened my eyes
203
00:07:10,764 --> 00:07:12,431
To how bad
your writing can be.
204
00:07:12,433 --> 00:07:15,133
The reason
you're a terrible writer
205
00:07:15,135 --> 00:07:18,069
Is because you belong
to "generation whatever."
206
00:07:18,071 --> 00:07:19,438
You only know
how to express yourself
207
00:07:19,440 --> 00:07:22,274
With abbreviations,
misspellings.
208
00:07:22,276 --> 00:07:25,677
You've turned punctuation
into picture books.
209
00:07:25,679 --> 00:07:26,745
Miss hamilton,
210
00:07:26,747 --> 00:07:30,482
It's time
you make me feel something.
211
00:07:30,484 --> 00:07:32,551
You have to dig deeper.
212
00:07:32,553 --> 00:07:35,020
Tell me something
that's not easy.
213
00:07:35,022 --> 00:07:40,058
With words, not emoticons.
214
00:07:40,060 --> 00:07:43,662
Mr. Jennings, "promising."
215
00:07:43,664 --> 00:07:45,831
- "promising" as in
you want me to promise
216
00:07:45,833 --> 00:07:47,866
Never to put pen to paper again?
217
00:07:47,868 --> 00:07:48,967
- No, "promising" as in
218
00:07:48,969 --> 00:07:50,569
"I wanted to read more
about what you had to say."
219
00:07:50,571 --> 00:07:52,904
And I have to say,
not to sound like a creeper,
220
00:07:52,906 --> 00:07:54,973
But I really felt like I was
in that hotel room with you.
221
00:07:54,975 --> 00:07:57,476
When your mother's friend
was seducing you...
222
00:07:57,478 --> 00:07:59,845
It was titillating.
223
00:07:59,847 --> 00:08:00,645
- Ugh.
224
00:08:00,647 --> 00:08:02,481
[class bell rings]
225
00:08:02,483 --> 00:08:04,649
- So your dad called
my parents
226
00:08:04,651 --> 00:08:05,884
And said we were having sex.
227
00:08:05,886 --> 00:08:08,787
- He's so transparent.
- What? Your dad?
228
00:08:08,789 --> 00:08:11,490
- No, this guy
in my class, collin.
229
00:08:11,492 --> 00:08:12,724
- My dad, he's gonna kill me.
230
00:08:12,726 --> 00:08:14,226
- I don't understand
what the big deal is.
231
00:08:14,228 --> 00:08:15,594
So he slept
with an older woman.
232
00:08:15,596 --> 00:08:17,028
- Whose dad
are we talking about?
233
00:08:17,030 --> 00:08:17,963
- No, still collin.
234
00:08:17,965 --> 00:08:20,131
Mr. Hart liked his paper
and not mine.
235
00:08:20,133 --> 00:08:21,500
- What exactly did he say?
236
00:08:21,502 --> 00:08:22,901
- He said
it was "illuminating."
237
00:08:22,903 --> 00:08:25,036
- You went into detail
about our sex to your dad?
238
00:08:25,038 --> 00:08:26,938
- No, I meant my paper.
239
00:08:26,940 --> 00:08:28,206
And, no, I didn't.
240
00:08:28,208 --> 00:08:30,976
And my dad didn't speak
to anyone.
241
00:08:30,978 --> 00:08:33,211
He...Left a message.
242
00:08:33,213 --> 00:08:34,246
- What number did he call?
243
00:08:34,248 --> 00:08:35,580
- The one
from the student directory.
244
00:08:35,582 --> 00:08:37,282
- Nice.
[claps hands together]
245
00:08:37,284 --> 00:08:38,250
It's a landline.
246
00:08:38,252 --> 00:08:39,885
They never use it,
and I can delete it from here.
247
00:08:39,887 --> 00:08:42,454
- I was grateful that matty
could erase my dad's message
248
00:08:42,456 --> 00:08:44,656
And put the whole thing
to bed,
249
00:08:44,658 --> 00:08:45,690
So to speak.
250
00:08:45,692 --> 00:08:47,359
- Do you know what this is?
251
00:08:47,361 --> 00:08:48,393
Or this?
252
00:08:48,395 --> 00:08:52,230
These are photos
of warts and lesions
253
00:08:52,232 --> 00:08:53,131
On a vagina.
254
00:08:53,133 --> 00:08:54,432
- Dad, our food
will be here soon.
255
00:08:54,434 --> 00:08:59,037
Can we, um, put away
the infected...Genitalia?
256
00:08:59,039 --> 00:09:00,171
- I wish we could.
257
00:09:00,173 --> 00:09:01,239
But you need to be aware
258
00:09:01,241 --> 00:09:03,508
Of what could happen
now that you and matty
259
00:09:03,510 --> 00:09:05,577
Are engaging
in sexual intercourse.
260
00:09:05,579 --> 00:09:07,913
And, you know, the more
intercourse that you have...
261
00:09:07,915 --> 00:09:09,347
- Please stop saying
"intercourse."
262
00:09:09,349 --> 00:09:12,317
- The higher your chances are
to have a vagina
263
00:09:12,319 --> 00:09:13,685
That looks like this.
264
00:09:13,687 --> 00:09:15,086
[doorbell rings]
265
00:09:15,088 --> 00:09:18,290
- Dad, got the message.
266
00:09:19,458 --> 00:09:23,895
And apparently,
so did matty's parents.
267
00:09:26,599 --> 00:09:28,967
- What do you have to say
to mr. And mrs. Hamilton?
268
00:09:28,969 --> 00:09:35,440
- I'm sorry I-I took
your daughter's virginity.
269
00:09:35,442 --> 00:09:38,109
- Thank you.
270
00:09:38,111 --> 00:09:39,878
- Jenna?
271
00:09:39,880 --> 00:09:40,812
- What?
272
00:09:40,814 --> 00:09:42,847
- [softly]
apologize.
273
00:09:42,849 --> 00:09:45,850
- [softly]
for what?
274
00:09:45,852 --> 00:09:49,621
I am sorry for...
275
00:09:49,623 --> 00:09:52,958
Letting him...Take it?
276
00:09:52,960 --> 00:09:54,159
- Okay.
277
00:09:54,161 --> 00:09:57,062
I think that about takes care
of that, hmm?
278
00:09:57,064 --> 00:09:59,564
- We appreciate the phone call.
[doorbell rings]
279
00:09:59,566 --> 00:10:01,766
- Oh, uh, sorry. Chinese.
280
00:10:01,768 --> 00:10:03,435
[laughs nervously]
281
00:10:03,437 --> 00:10:05,303
Hi!
282
00:10:05,305 --> 00:10:07,539
Thank you very much.
283
00:10:10,943 --> 00:10:11,910
[sighs]
284
00:10:11,912 --> 00:10:13,845
- Okay, let's go.
- Yes.
285
00:10:13,847 --> 00:10:15,380
- You're welcome
to stay for dinner.
286
00:10:15,382 --> 00:10:16,448
- No, we can't.
287
00:10:16,450 --> 00:10:17,248
My mom has...
288
00:10:17,250 --> 00:10:18,550
Salmon thawing at home.
- Oh.
289
00:10:18,552 --> 00:10:20,018
- Thank you
for the invitation.
290
00:10:20,020 --> 00:10:21,019
We couldn't impose.
291
00:10:21,021 --> 00:10:24,055
- [scoffs]
it's not an imposition.
292
00:10:24,057 --> 00:10:26,391
- I do like chinese.
293
00:10:27,860 --> 00:10:31,463
- Okay.
- All right.
294
00:10:31,465 --> 00:10:33,531
- Okay.
295
00:10:34,867 --> 00:10:36,968
- What...Is...Happening?
296
00:10:36,970 --> 00:10:38,637
- This is what's gonna happen.
297
00:10:38,639 --> 00:10:40,138
For the next few games...
[overlapping chattering]
298
00:10:40,140 --> 00:10:42,641
We do mostly chants,
but not lame ones.
299
00:10:42,643 --> 00:10:45,443
And when we build,
we do three turtle tubs
300
00:10:45,445 --> 00:10:46,745
With one dragon roll
in front of it.
301
00:10:46,747 --> 00:10:49,547
Can everyone calm
the [bleep] down now?
302
00:10:49,549 --> 00:10:52,450
- I should be back
by this weekend.
303
00:10:52,452 --> 00:10:55,920
Does anyone have some food?
304
00:10:55,922 --> 00:10:56,755
[whimpers]
305
00:10:56,757 --> 00:10:58,623
- You know,
I'm about lissa's size.
306
00:10:58,625 --> 00:11:00,525
If you want me to step in...
307
00:11:00,527 --> 00:11:02,060
- I don't think teachers
can be on the squad.
308
00:11:02,062 --> 00:11:04,462
- Cheerleader law is fluid
in some areas.
309
00:11:04,464 --> 00:11:07,932
And, yes, faculty can step in
in cases of injury,
310
00:11:07,934 --> 00:11:09,901
Pregnancy, or bear fever.
311
00:11:09,903 --> 00:11:11,236
- I think we should put it
to a vote.
312
00:11:11,238 --> 00:11:13,905
All those in favor
of an alternate...
313
00:11:13,907 --> 00:11:15,573
- No vote.
314
00:11:15,575 --> 00:11:18,243
I am the captain.
315
00:11:18,245 --> 00:11:20,378
- You're not going to be able
to buy your way
316
00:11:20,380 --> 00:11:22,914
Out of this one, sadie.
317
00:11:22,916 --> 00:11:27,185
- All those in favor
of calling the alternate?
318
00:11:27,187 --> 00:11:28,920
Opposed?
319
00:11:31,824 --> 00:11:33,958
- I'm raising my hand.
320
00:11:33,960 --> 00:11:37,562
- Come on.
How bad can this alternate be?
321
00:11:37,564 --> 00:11:38,396
- [screams]
322
00:11:38,398 --> 00:11:41,199
I'm a cheerleader!
323
00:11:41,201 --> 00:11:42,634
[line rings]
324
00:11:42,636 --> 00:11:43,868
- Hey, it's jenna.
325
00:11:43,870 --> 00:11:45,003
Leave a message.
[beep]
326
00:11:45,005 --> 00:11:45,970
- I got the call.
327
00:11:45,972 --> 00:11:48,073
And now you're getting
the call-call.
328
00:11:48,075 --> 00:11:50,475
[screams]
329
00:11:50,477 --> 00:11:51,710
[line rings]
330
00:11:51,712 --> 00:11:52,644
- Hey, babe.
331
00:11:52,646 --> 00:11:54,446
- So I was totally ready
to do it with you.
332
00:11:54,448 --> 00:11:55,847
But I was waiting
on something.
333
00:11:55,849 --> 00:11:57,949
But that was before
I was made a cheerleader.
334
00:11:57,951 --> 00:11:59,784
And right now, I am
too excited to wait.
335
00:11:59,786 --> 00:12:02,087
- What?
- I am a cheerleader!
336
00:12:02,089 --> 00:12:04,556
I'm ready. Okay?
337
00:12:04,558 --> 00:12:06,191
- Okay!
338
00:12:12,264 --> 00:12:13,665
- So when y--
339
00:12:13,667 --> 00:12:16,134
When you got
kevin's message,
340
00:12:16,136 --> 00:12:18,937
I guess it was
quite a shock, huh?
341
00:12:18,939 --> 00:12:19,938
- Well, ahem, yes and no.
342
00:12:19,940 --> 00:12:22,040
I mean, I've found things.
343
00:12:22,042 --> 00:12:24,576
And by "things,"
I mean "condom wrappers."
344
00:12:24,578 --> 00:12:25,977
- Mom.
- Well, on the one hand,
345
00:12:25,979 --> 00:12:27,979
You know it's gonna happen
eventually.
346
00:12:27,981 --> 00:12:30,381
On the other--
"wrappers"?
347
00:12:30,383 --> 00:12:32,584
That sounds like
a lot of condoms.
348
00:12:32,586 --> 00:12:36,788
Have you
had multiple partners?
349
00:12:36,790 --> 00:12:37,455
- Yeah.
350
00:12:37,457 --> 00:12:38,890
- How many partners
have you had?
351
00:12:38,892 --> 00:12:40,692
- [thinking] maybe some things
were meant to go public.
352
00:12:40,694 --> 00:12:43,728
Yeah, how many?
- Ah, a few.
353
00:12:43,730 --> 00:12:47,866
- Two?
- Three.
354
00:12:49,401 --> 00:12:51,136
[mouths]
355
00:12:51,138 --> 00:12:52,704
- [sighs, clears throat]
356
00:12:52,706 --> 00:12:56,141
"something private...
357
00:12:56,143 --> 00:12:57,776
Will become public."
358
00:12:57,778 --> 00:12:58,843
Well, that's dead on.
359
00:12:58,845 --> 00:13:00,745
- You know
what fortune cookies mean?
360
00:13:00,747 --> 00:13:02,213
Dinner's over.
361
00:13:02,215 --> 00:13:03,014
[all muttering]
362
00:13:03,016 --> 00:13:05,450
- [clears throat]
- thank you. Yeah.
363
00:13:05,452 --> 00:13:06,718
- We sure are glad
to meet you.
364
00:13:06,720 --> 00:13:08,219
- Thank you
for sharing your dinner.
365
00:13:08,221 --> 00:13:09,621
- We will do it
again sometime.
366
00:13:09,623 --> 00:13:11,656
- Almost over.
- Homestretch.
367
00:13:11,658 --> 00:13:13,591
- And next time we'll have
better dinner conversation
368
00:13:13,593 --> 00:13:15,794
Than our kids' sex lives.
369
00:13:15,796 --> 00:13:16,761
[all laugh nervously]
370
00:13:16,763 --> 00:13:18,296
- Hey, we all want
the same thing,
371
00:13:18,298 --> 00:13:19,798
And that is
to not be grandparents
372
00:13:19,800 --> 00:13:21,432
For at least ten more years.
373
00:13:21,434 --> 00:13:22,500
[nervous chuckles]
374
00:13:22,502 --> 00:13:25,737
- Don't worry,
jenna won't get pregnant.
375
00:13:25,739 --> 00:13:27,172
I put her on the pill.
376
00:13:27,174 --> 00:13:28,173
[laughs]
377
00:13:28,175 --> 00:13:30,642
[door slams]
378
00:13:30,644 --> 00:13:32,977
- Oh, my god!
We're gonna do it!
379
00:13:32,979 --> 00:13:34,679
I've totally been waiting
for this moment
380
00:13:34,681 --> 00:13:35,847
For, like, at least a year.
381
00:13:35,849 --> 00:13:38,583
In minutes, I'm not gonna be
a virgin anymore.
382
00:13:38,585 --> 00:13:40,552
This blindfold,
is this part of it?
383
00:13:40,554 --> 00:13:41,419
Are you kinky?
384
00:13:41,421 --> 00:13:42,487
Maybe I'm gonna be kinky.
385
00:13:42,489 --> 00:13:44,422
Oh, my god!
I'm so excited!
386
00:13:44,424 --> 00:13:48,426
[upbeat rock music]
387
00:13:48,428 --> 00:13:50,795
♪ ♪
388
00:13:50,797 --> 00:13:54,766
[crying]
389
00:13:54,768 --> 00:13:56,234
- Let me get this straight.
390
00:13:56,236 --> 00:13:58,603
So you took
your teenage daughter
391
00:13:58,605 --> 00:14:00,371
To get birth control pills?
392
00:14:00,373 --> 00:14:02,440
- Well...Yes.
393
00:14:02,442 --> 00:14:03,908
- And here I was thinking
you were concerned
394
00:14:03,910 --> 00:14:05,543
About our children having sex.
395
00:14:05,545 --> 00:14:08,012
- Matty has condoms.
- I didn't buy them.
396
00:14:08,014 --> 00:14:10,114
- No...I did.
397
00:14:10,116 --> 00:14:12,383
- So you put your daughter
on the pill,
398
00:14:12,385 --> 00:14:13,651
And you bought my son condoms.
399
00:14:13,653 --> 00:14:16,788
You're encouraging our kids
to be promiscuous.
400
00:14:16,790 --> 00:14:17,722
- No, to be safe.
401
00:14:17,724 --> 00:14:20,692
- Nothing good can come
from teenagers having sex.
402
00:14:20,694 --> 00:14:21,826
- Actually, I did.
403
00:14:21,828 --> 00:14:23,595
- They had jenna
when they were teenagers, mom.
404
00:14:23,597 --> 00:14:24,395
Let it go.
405
00:14:24,397 --> 00:14:25,797
- Matthew don't speak to me
that way.
406
00:14:25,799 --> 00:14:27,398
I'm your mother.
- We need to go.
407
00:14:27,400 --> 00:14:28,466
- Our kids are having sex.
408
00:14:28,468 --> 00:14:30,268
It's not like
they're doing drugs.
409
00:14:30,270 --> 00:14:31,836
- [softly] matty's brother
went to rehab!
410
00:14:31,838 --> 00:14:33,905
- Why would you violate
our family's privacy?
411
00:14:33,907 --> 00:14:35,273
- Mom, everyone knows.
- Thanks to you,
412
00:14:35,275 --> 00:14:37,809
Because you can't ever keep
your mouth shut.
413
00:14:37,811 --> 00:14:38,977
- Hey, matty's a good kid.
414
00:14:38,979 --> 00:14:40,211
Don't take this out on him.
415
00:14:40,213 --> 00:14:42,113
- Who the hell are you
to talk to me about my son?
416
00:14:42,115 --> 00:14:43,681
- I'm just trying to help.
- Listen, honey.
417
00:14:43,683 --> 00:14:45,617
I'm glad
you're all loosey-goosey
418
00:14:45,619 --> 00:14:47,485
And hippie-dippie
in this house,
419
00:14:47,487 --> 00:14:49,020
But we don't condone
risky behavior.
420
00:14:49,022 --> 00:14:50,488
- I am lucky that
my daughter came to me
421
00:14:50,490 --> 00:14:52,357
And said that
she was having sex,
422
00:14:52,359 --> 00:14:55,526
That she felt comfortable enough
to seek my guidance.
423
00:14:55,528 --> 00:14:57,695
Clearly, your son
can't do the same.
424
00:14:57,697 --> 00:15:00,098
- Clearly, we're different kinds
of people.
425
00:15:00,100 --> 00:15:02,033
How about you worry
about your family,
426
00:15:02,035 --> 00:15:04,569
I'll worry about mine.
427
00:15:04,571 --> 00:15:05,870
- And thank you
for the chinese.
428
00:15:05,872 --> 00:15:07,205
- Come on.
- You're welcome.
429
00:15:07,207 --> 00:15:09,540
- I'm so sorry, mrs. Hamilton.
I am--
430
00:15:09,542 --> 00:15:12,844
- Oh, honey,
this is not your fault.
431
00:15:12,846 --> 00:15:14,679
- [sighs]
432
00:15:16,782 --> 00:15:18,383
- And I am not a hippie.
433
00:15:18,385 --> 00:15:21,085
What hippie do you know
has fake boobs?
434
00:15:23,989 --> 00:15:25,523
- [sobbing]
435
00:15:25,525 --> 00:15:26,891
- Your mom said
that I could come in,
436
00:15:26,893 --> 00:15:28,426
And that it'd be okay
to shut the door.
437
00:15:28,428 --> 00:15:30,929
- Go away, and take
your sex van with you.
438
00:15:30,931 --> 00:15:32,297
- I'm not going anywhere.
439
00:15:32,299 --> 00:15:34,565
Just tell me what's wrong.
440
00:15:34,567 --> 00:15:37,335
- The blankets,
the rose petals,
441
00:15:37,337 --> 00:15:40,638
The freaking
moonlight romance.
442
00:15:40,640 --> 00:15:42,040
The air freshener.
443
00:15:42,042 --> 00:15:43,574
- Oh, I'm sorry.
444
00:15:43,576 --> 00:15:44,542
Is that what you wanted?
445
00:15:44,544 --> 00:15:46,244
I used calypso paradise.
- Yeah!
446
00:15:46,246 --> 00:15:49,113
And that's the only thing
that's different!
447
00:15:49,115 --> 00:15:51,582
- I'm really lost.
448
00:15:51,584 --> 00:15:53,217
- From jenna's experience
with you.
449
00:15:53,219 --> 00:15:54,752
I'm always second best.
450
00:15:54,754 --> 00:15:56,621
I'm the alternate
cheerleader
451
00:15:56,623 --> 00:15:58,323
And the alternate girlfriend.
452
00:15:58,325 --> 00:15:59,657
- What are you talking about?
453
00:15:59,659 --> 00:16:01,092
- Everyone knows
that minivan thing
454
00:16:01,094 --> 00:16:02,060
Is what you had planned
455
00:16:02,062 --> 00:16:04,595
When you were gonna have sex
with jenna.
456
00:16:04,597 --> 00:16:05,563
It was in her blog!
457
00:16:05,565 --> 00:16:08,166
- But jenna and I didn't do it.
- I know.
458
00:16:08,168 --> 00:16:10,835
But you rehashed.
459
00:16:10,837 --> 00:16:15,807
You didn't plan
anything special for me.
460
00:16:15,809 --> 00:16:18,009
- Uh, look.
461
00:16:18,011 --> 00:16:18,810
I'm a guy.
462
00:16:18,812 --> 00:16:21,679
And so...I had
this whole fantasy
463
00:16:21,681 --> 00:16:23,815
Of my first time.
464
00:16:23,817 --> 00:16:25,950
I just thought
it would be so cool.
465
00:16:25,952 --> 00:16:27,819
- Really? A minivan?
466
00:16:27,821 --> 00:16:32,323
- Tamara, I want you
and only you
467
00:16:32,325 --> 00:16:33,257
To be my first.
468
00:16:33,259 --> 00:16:35,460
So whatever you want,
that's what we'll do.
469
00:16:35,462 --> 00:16:40,431
- Well, I've always wanted it
to be in a hotel.
470
00:16:40,433 --> 00:16:41,499
- Oh, yes.
471
00:16:41,501 --> 00:16:43,334
Yes, great!
472
00:16:43,336 --> 00:16:45,803
- And then we can be
as loud as we want,
473
00:16:45,805 --> 00:16:47,638
And no one
will walk in on us,
474
00:16:47,640 --> 00:16:49,941
And we can put soft music
on the tv.
475
00:16:49,943 --> 00:16:51,275
- And how about
a bottle of champagne
476
00:16:51,277 --> 00:16:52,310
Chilling in an ice bucket?
477
00:16:52,312 --> 00:16:53,711
- Yes, and then we can
do that thing
478
00:16:53,713 --> 00:16:55,847
Where we intertwine our arms
and drink the champagne.
479
00:16:55,849 --> 00:16:57,048
- And then we go out
on the balcony,
480
00:16:57,050 --> 00:16:58,116
And we yell down at people,
481
00:16:58,118 --> 00:16:59,717
Because we're
a little bit drunk.
482
00:16:59,719 --> 00:17:01,686
- And we'll wear those big,
white, terry cloth robes
483
00:17:01,688 --> 00:17:05,089
When we open the door to
our room service strawberries.
484
00:17:05,091 --> 00:17:07,759
- And then I could just pick
you up, like this,
485
00:17:07,761 --> 00:17:10,028
[straining]
and you're surprisingly light,
486
00:17:10,030 --> 00:17:12,663
Even with the robe on.
[laughs nervously]
487
00:17:12,665 --> 00:17:15,466
- And I--
- and you say nothing.
488
00:17:15,468 --> 00:17:18,669
Because I shut you up
like this.
489
00:17:18,671 --> 00:17:20,671
- ♪ hard to empty
490
00:17:20,673 --> 00:17:22,940
♪ hard to carry
491
00:17:22,942 --> 00:17:27,245
♪ up another flight
492
00:17:27,247 --> 00:17:30,581
♪ all the time it takes...
493
00:17:30,583 --> 00:17:31,449
- Jenna?
494
00:17:31,451 --> 00:17:38,022
- Can we just not talk about
anything personal right now?
495
00:17:38,024 --> 00:17:40,458
- I just wanted to tell you
496
00:17:40,460 --> 00:17:42,160
That I've been in your shoes.
497
00:17:42,162 --> 00:17:43,861
When I was your age...
498
00:17:43,863 --> 00:17:44,862
- This sounds personal.
499
00:17:44,864 --> 00:17:48,266
- I had a dinner like that
with your dad's parents.
500
00:17:48,268 --> 00:17:51,602
They greeted me at the door
with big hugs.
501
00:17:51,604 --> 00:17:54,305
And they were so nice to me.
502
00:17:54,307 --> 00:17:55,807
When we all sat down,
503
00:17:55,809 --> 00:17:59,510
That's when I told them
I was pregnant.
504
00:17:59,512 --> 00:18:00,478
- Then what happened?
505
00:18:00,480 --> 00:18:02,447
- They started yelling at me
506
00:18:02,449 --> 00:18:04,315
And calling me
horrible things.
507
00:18:04,317 --> 00:18:08,086
They said that
I had ruined kevin's life.
508
00:18:08,088 --> 00:18:09,787
And then I threw up...
509
00:18:09,789 --> 00:18:11,722
Which just made it worse.
510
00:18:11,724 --> 00:18:13,224
[chuckles]
511
00:18:13,226 --> 00:18:15,293
I was humiliated.
512
00:18:17,129 --> 00:18:19,831
I am so glad we have
the relationship we do.
513
00:18:19,833 --> 00:18:25,002
It's the thing about my life
I'm most proud of.
514
00:18:25,004 --> 00:18:27,004
- I'm glad you're you.
515
00:18:27,006 --> 00:18:28,573
- I'm so glad you're you.
516
00:18:28,575 --> 00:18:32,110
- And I'm glad you didn't forget
to take your pill!
517
00:18:32,112 --> 00:18:33,411
- [sighs]
518
00:18:33,413 --> 00:18:35,480
- [laughs]
- did you?
519
00:18:35,482 --> 00:18:38,683
[upbeat rock music]
520
00:18:38,685 --> 00:18:40,418
- Can I get you some water?
521
00:18:40,420 --> 00:18:42,720
- No, thanks.
I'm okay.
522
00:18:42,722 --> 00:18:44,722
- Just okay?
- No. No, no, no.
523
00:18:44,724 --> 00:18:46,557
I mean, that was--
524
00:18:46,559 --> 00:18:49,427
I'm still vagingling.
- [laughs] yeah.
525
00:18:49,429 --> 00:18:51,295
It was everything
they say it is, you know,
526
00:18:51,297 --> 00:18:53,030
In movies and songs.
527
00:18:53,032 --> 00:18:55,166
- Okay, I call shenanigans.
528
00:18:55,168 --> 00:18:56,567
That was not fun.
529
00:18:56,569 --> 00:18:59,403
Did that totally emasculate you?
- Oh, no, no.
530
00:18:59,405 --> 00:19:01,072
That's--that's
what I thought too.
531
00:19:01,074 --> 00:19:02,073
It was uncomfortable.
532
00:19:02,075 --> 00:19:03,975
And your mom started coughing.
533
00:19:03,977 --> 00:19:05,776
[both laugh]
534
00:19:05,778 --> 00:19:09,013
We can try again, I mean,
if you want to, of course.
535
00:19:09,015 --> 00:19:10,014
- Yeah, of course.
536
00:19:10,016 --> 00:19:11,716
- All I need is 18 minutes
and a sandwich.
537
00:19:11,718 --> 00:19:14,418
- Ooh, a sandwich.
That actually does sound good.
538
00:19:14,420 --> 00:19:15,753
- Yeah.
539
00:19:15,755 --> 00:19:17,121
I'm looking forward
to figuring out
540
00:19:17,123 --> 00:19:20,491
This whole sex thing with you.
541
00:19:20,493 --> 00:19:22,560
I love you, tamara.
542
00:19:22,562 --> 00:19:24,295
- I love you too.
543
00:19:24,297 --> 00:19:27,165
- ♪ so hold my hand
544
00:19:27,167 --> 00:19:31,736
♪ 'cause talking is the source
of misunderstanding ♪
545
00:19:31,738 --> 00:19:33,237
♪ hold my hand
546
00:19:33,239 --> 00:19:34,906
- Apparently I don't need
that sandwich.
547
00:19:34,908 --> 00:19:37,842
- ♪ 'cause talking is the source
of misunderstanding ♪
548
00:19:37,844 --> 00:19:39,544
♪ hold my...
549
00:19:42,681 --> 00:19:43,981
[chime]
550
00:19:43,983 --> 00:19:47,485
[rock music]
551
00:19:47,487 --> 00:19:49,387
[cell phone vibrates]
552
00:19:49,389 --> 00:19:51,189
- Congratulations.
553
00:19:51,191 --> 00:19:52,123
Is that a post-sex pic?
554
00:19:52,125 --> 00:19:54,058
- Nope, it's
a post "I love you" one.
555
00:19:54,060 --> 00:19:54,959
But we had sex too.
556
00:19:54,961 --> 00:19:56,260
- You had sex too?
- Yeah.
557
00:19:56,262 --> 00:19:58,296
But the "I love you"
felt much better.
558
00:19:58,298 --> 00:20:00,364
Now I'm gonna go sit
on some ice.
559
00:20:00,366 --> 00:20:01,632
I'm sore.
560
00:20:01,634 --> 00:20:03,334
[click]
561
00:20:05,604 --> 00:20:08,239
- It wasn't easy for me
to write about something
562
00:20:08,241 --> 00:20:10,074
That hit a little closer
to home.
563
00:20:10,076 --> 00:20:15,146
But I was finally ready
to dig deeper.
564
00:20:15,148 --> 00:20:18,916
"my mother's greatest
humiliation--me.
565
00:20:18,918 --> 00:20:20,384
By jenna hamilton."
566
00:20:20,386 --> 00:20:24,121
[doorbell rings]
567
00:20:24,123 --> 00:20:26,123
- My mom was right
about one thing:
568
00:20:26,125 --> 00:20:29,527
You guys are
different kinds of people.
569
00:20:29,529 --> 00:20:32,263
And I'm your kind.
570
00:20:32,265 --> 00:20:34,865
Can I crash here
for the night?
571
00:20:37,636 --> 00:20:39,003
- Next on awkward:
- Morning.
572
00:20:39,005 --> 00:20:40,905
- It's been fun,
having matty here and all,
573
00:20:40,907 --> 00:20:42,073
But I need my space back.
574
00:20:42,075 --> 00:20:43,574
- Matty gets the cow,
the milk,
575
00:20:43,576 --> 00:20:44,942
And to live in the barn
for free.
576
00:20:44,944 --> 00:20:46,410
- You haven't worn out
your welcome?
577
00:20:46,412 --> 00:20:48,179
- Jenna's cool with it.
- I am so not cool with it.
578
00:20:48,181 --> 00:20:49,280
- I'm going to that party.
579
00:20:49,282 --> 00:20:51,115
Sleepovers are gamechangers!
580
00:20:51,117 --> 00:20:53,284
- Ricky, if you can hear me,
set the record straight.
581
00:20:53,286 --> 00:20:57,088
Was your death an accident?
[gasping]
======
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