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[music playing]

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Not so fast.

You're driving too fast.

What are you driving so fast for?

- Hmm? - Well, you were up to 35.

You know I don't like to go over 30, and you were up to 35.

Walter, you're always doing something else

and having your mind on something else.

I'm sorry, Mother.

Besides, you haven't been listening to a single word

I've said.

Yes I have, Mother.

What did I say?

You said I was up to 35, and you

didn't like me to go over 30.

Not that.

I said we're going to have it in a church.

Have what, Mother?

The wedding.

Oh.

See, you weren't listening.

Red light, Walter.

[brakes squealing]

Oh, that reminds me.

Bring me home some soap chips.

I like the Sea Drift brand.

They don't make you sneeze.

[horn blowing]

Go ahead, Walter.

Now don't forget the name.

Sea Drift.

Sea Drift.

Sea Drift.

Sea Drift.

WALTER MITTY (VOICEOVER): Somewhere off the South China

coast in the worst typhoon in 40 years, the little schooner,

India Queen, plowed through an ocean gone mad.

Straining ropes went ta pocketa pocketa

pocketa pocketa pocketa.

Up on deck, Captain Walter Mitty stood at the helm,

fighting courageously to keep his tortured vessel

from being smashed to bits.

What are you doing here?

Get below!

Can't I do something to help?

You haven't had your clothes off in three days.

Somebody's got to get the India Queen through.

There's a half a million dollars of rare spices

aboard this ship.

I promised your father I'd get it through

Captain Mitty, you're hurt.

It's nothing, just a broken arm.

[screams]

Walter!

Watch out!

I'm sorry.

Now, did you write down all the things

I told you to write down?

Oh, I'll remember them, Mother.

Oh no you won't.

You just make a note of it in your little black book.

Number two thread, snapdragon seeds...

Wait a minute, Mother.

...sock stretchers, a can of Gleamo floor wax...

Gleamo what?

Gleamo floor wax.

Uh-huh.

Fly spray.

What's that, SS?

Sock stretcher.

Well write it out.

And cheese grater.

Oh, and don't forget to return this sprinkling can.

I tried it out this morning and the holes are too small.

You tell them I have something better

to do than stand around all day waiting for the water

to come out.

Bye, darling.

Goodbye.

Don't forget the cake.

The what?

The cake.

[music playing]

Back in the car, please.

Keep that thing in, bud.

Oh, excuse me.

Good morning.

Good morning.

Oh, Mitty.

Here are those drawings you asked for.

Oh, yeah, thank you.

Oh, that's pretty, Mr. Grimsby.

Well, it's a bit mild.

I think I'll tear the dress off her other shoulder.

You could use a little more blood on the eggs.

Well, Good morning everybody.

Did you think I had forgotten you?

Here you are.

Well now stop [inaudible].

You've had enough already.

Come on.

Come on.

Hey dream boy.

The old man is screaming for you.

Oh.

Oh, the conference.

Yeah.

[inaudible] Here we are.

[inaudible]

Hold it.

Raise your hand just a little.

Still.

Hello, Fred.

How's it going, Walter?

Oh, fine, fine.

Gentlemen, it will be the regular practice of the firm

to...

well, Mitty, so you finally chose

to honor us with your presence.

Yes, sir.

Where are the proofs to "Air Aces"?

Right here, Mr. Pierce.

All checked and ready to go.

Put it to bed.

Mitty?

Yes, sir?

What is the meaning of this?

Meaning of what, Mr.?

Pierce

You had the vampire man be killed

off in the first installment of "The Lady and the Vampire."

And there are 33 issues to go.

Oh, but he isn't really dead, Mr. Pierce.

What do you mean he isn't dead?

The villagers drove a stake through his heart, didn't they?

Anybody knows that kills a vampire.

Yes, sir, but if you read further on,

you'll find the stake only went through his last lung.

You don't have to worry, Mr. Pierce.

He'll be back sucking blood in the next issue.

Well, sit down, Mitty.

Sit down.

If you'd been here on time, you'd

know why I called this meeting.

To repeat, ladies and gentlemen, ours is a great and proud list

of magazines.

Racy detective stories, astounding adventure tales,

wild confessions, air aces, frontier stories...

Exotic love stories.

Exotic love stories.

And sensational murder.

And sensa...

Mitty, when I need your help, I'll ask for it.

OK.

But a new and virgin field of fiction

has come to my attention, a rich and as yet untapped vein,

embracing thousands of undiscovered readers.

Starting the first of next month,

we go to press with a new baby.

Hospital love stories.

Congratulations, chief.

You've done it again.

Thank you, gentlemen.

Well, what do you think, Mitty?

Oh, I've always liked it, Mr. Pierce.

Don't you remember?

I suggested the idea in a memorandum last month.

Oh, that.

I had this idea two years ago.

Now, the type of stories we need...

you may take notes, gentlemen.

Now, let me see.

Hospitals love stories.

What have we got to sell?

Beautiful, blonde nurses.

We can't have too many nurses.

Capture the glamor the hospital.

You get the idea.

WALTER MITTY (VOICEOVER): With the compassionate look

of a man who had seen much too much pain, Dr. Walter

Mitty, the surgical genius, entered the breathless hush

of the operating room, the sound of the huge anesthetizing

machine going ta pocketa pocketa pocketa pocketa pocketa.

There were whispered introductions.

I'm glad you came.

Dr. Remington, Dr. Renshaw, Dr. Pritchar-Mitford,

St John's Hospital of London, Dr. Walter Mitty.

Gentlemen.

[whispering]

The new anesthesitizer is giving way.

There's no one in the east who knows how to fix it.

Quiet man.

Give me your fountain pen.

That will hold for 10 minutes.

Astounding.

He's not only the greatest surgeon in the world,

he's also a mechanical genius.

You'd better get on with the operation.

Good heavens.

What is it?

[inaudible] has set in.

Poor devil.

Would you take over, Mitty?

If you wish.

It's hopeless.

There's only one chance, gentlemen.

[inaudible]

The operation [inaudible] performed on a rabbit.

Precisely.

Blood pressure, please.

30 over 200.

Mm-hmm.

Scalpel.

Sock stretcher.

Sprinkling can.

Cheese grater.

Floor wax.

Needle and number two thread.

There you are, gentlemen.

Oh, doctor, do you think...

will he...

There, there, Miss [inaudible]. Your brother

will play the violin again.

I just grafted new fingers on.

Oh, you're wonderful.

Wonderful.

You'll want some rest now.

Wonderful.

Wonderful.

Wonderful.

Wonderful.

Wonderful.

Mitty, I asked you a question.

I expect an answer.

Ta pocketa pocketa pocketa pocketa pocketa.

What's that?

Oh, oh, I was just thinking, sir, we might possibly

put out a pocket-sized edition.

Pocket-sized edition?

Yes, sir.

For pockets.

You weren't thinking at all.

You were daydreaming again.

Oh, no, sir.

I was really thinking.

I was thinking about hospitals, or hospital stories

I finished talking about hospitals 10 minutes ago.

The subject... for your information...

now is the next issue of "Racey Detective."

Oh.

Pocket-sized edition.

Not a bad idea.

Hello.

Hello.

You didn't bring it.

You forgot to bring the cake.

What cake?

Gertrude and her mother are coming to dinner.

I asked you to stop at Edwin's and bring home a cake.

What's that thing?

Oh, I thought you said rake.

Walter, you're getting more absent minded every day.

It's all that daydreaming you do.

Well I brought everything else, Mother.

The number two thread, the Gleamo wax,

the sock stretchers...

Did you bring home the snapdragon seeds?

No, they didn't have any.

But the man said the petunias were just as pretty.

Don't you ever forget, Walter, when I say snapdragon seeds,

I mean snapdragon seeds.

Yes, Mother.

Just leave everything in the hall, Walter.

I'll take care of it.

Hurry and get cleaned up.

They'll be here any minute.

All right, Mother.

Is there any mail for me, Mother?

No.

Who are you expecting a letter from?

Nobody, I just thought there might be some mail.

MRS. EUNICE MITTY: Walter, don't use the guest towels.

I just put them out.

Use the one on your door.

All right, Mother.

MRS. EUNICE MITTY: And put on that clean shirt

I hung up for you.

And use some of the cologne Gertrude

gave you for Christmas.

Do I have to, Mother?

It smells like ether.

Don't be silly.

It's lovely, and the least you can do for your fiance.

All right.

Oh gosh.

Irma, darling.

Eunice.

Come in dear, and Gertrude.

My what a sweet hat.

And Gertrude, you look too cute for words.

I hope you don't mind my bringing Queenie, Mrs. Mitty.

She doesn't like to be alone.

Do you Queenie, in that great big, empty house?

Not at all, dear.

Walter, there's someone down here to see you, dear.

Hello, Mrs. Griswold.

Dear Walter.

Hello, Gertrude.

Come along, Irma, darling.

Walter, what's that awful smell?

Oh, it's that cologne you gave me for Christmas.

Oh.

It's lovely, isn't it?

Queenie, say hello to your future daddy, Walty Mittens!

Well, don't stand there like a stick.

Wave back.

Hello, Queenie.

[barks]

Oh, naughty Queenie.

There you are, Queenie, mommy's precious.

Have you talked to your boss yet, Walter?

No, I haven't.

Well, I certainly think you should talk to him

and get two or three months off.

Two or three months?

Frankly I don't approve of honeymoons.

All that packing and unpacking.

Walter's always had his heart set on seeing Yellowstone Park.

Why?

Why?

I don't know.

I just thought I'd like to see Yellowstone Park.

Do they let dogs in there?

Well, honey, you weren't thinking of taking

Queenie along, were you? [barks]

I was only asking.

Why, I wouldn't dream of leaving Queenie.

Queenie and Walter don't trust each other.

That's the reason they don't get along.

Well she always starts it. [barks]

You see?

Oh, Queenie, you old crosspatch.

You know, I don't think she's feeling well lately.

Why don't you try that new vitamin puppy biscuit?

[barks]

Walter would be happy to pick some

up and bring it home for you.

Oh, that would be wonderful.

Make a note of that, Walter, dear.

Yes, Mother.

Walter, you haven't touched your nice milk toast.

I'm not hungry, Mother.

You know the doctor said it would be

good for your nervous stomach.

That's why the air corps turned him down.

It must be cold in here.

Queenie is shivering.

Ah, there.

Walter?

Yes, Mother, I know.

Furnace.

Excuse me.

Walter is a very lucky boy.

You know, Tubby Wadsworth has proposed a half a dozen times.

He's still doing it, Mother.

[music playing]

WALTER MITTY (VOICEOVER): The Spitfire

dived through the clouds, machine guns belching lead.

Oblivious to the ominous ta pocketa pocketa pocketa pocketa

pocketa of his failing engines, wing commander Walter Mitty,

the most feared man in the entire RAF desert patrol,

clung to the tail of the Messerschmitt.

[inaudible] It's Walter Mitty.

I am a lost man.

DIGITAL VOICE: Ta pocketa pocketa

pocketa pocketa pocketa.

Ta pocketa pocketa pocketa pocketa pocketa.

WALTER MITTY (VOICEOVER): Mitty's jaw was a grim,

straight line as he gave the [inaudible]

three more lethal bursts...

[machine guns firing]

...and watched him go down in flames.

I say, fellows, there's Group Captain Mitty.

He made it!

[cheering]

Mitty, how many this time, old boy?

Hello, sir.

Good show, Mitty.

Thank you, sir.

That makes 73, doesn't it?

No, 71 actually.

Two are only probables, you know.

Oh, A spot of brandy?

Oh, yes, thank you, sir.

I say, old chap, you're wounded.

Oh, it's nothing, sir.

Merely a scratch.

I set the bone myself.

Priceless fellow.

I wish we had more like you.

Thank you, sir.

Anything troubling you, sir?

Young Raleigh, he's got a case of nerves,

and I promised the general we'd get that tank [inaudible]..

Oh, bad luck, sir.

Is it vital?

Vital?

Our whole desert campaign depends upon it.

Oh, I see.

Put young Raleigh to bed, sir.

What do you mean?

I'll fly his mission.

You?

Why, you haven't closed your eyes in three days.

I know, sir, but we only live once.

Or do we?

Shall we have a go at it?

Cheerio.

Mitty looks a bit done in, fellows.

Yes, he does.

He's got the courage of a lion, though.

Never gives up.

He's a delightful fellow.

I studied music with him at the Academy.

I shall never forget his impersonation of old Professor

[inaudible].

Do you remember?

Rather.

It almost drove the old professor barmy.

I wish he'd do it now.

So do I.

Go ahead, Mitty.

I'd rather enjoy a laugh, myself.

All right, sir.

Say, let me have your coat old boy, would you?

Oui, oui, monsieur.

He's doing it now.

(WITH ACCENT): All right now, everybody scatter away.

[inaudible] is here.

Come on everybody.

All right, everybody sit down here.

Children... what makes music music?

Music.

[MUSIC - DANNY KAYE, "SYMPHONY FOR UNSTRUNG TONGUE"]

(SINGING) When to the symphony you go,

when they're playing fast or slow,

do you hear the pizzicato's sweet hello when you go?

Or the flugelhorns up high or the pigeons when they fly?

No.

And why?

Because you don't go!

You see, children, a symphony's not only music.

It has a story.

It has a beginning, und a middle, und an end,

except, of course, the unfinished symphony,

which has a beginning.

We will now take up the instruments!

There is the trombone, pope, und the tuba, pom, pom, pom, pom,

pom, und the oboe, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh,

und the saxophone, sousaphone, [inaudible]

and xylophone, clarinet, bugle horn, [inaudible],

kazoo, and the timpani, too.

And they are all very busy except the symbol.

He stands in the corner and looks around [inaudible]..

Bang!

This brings us to "Symphony No.

45," which was written by the great Czechoslovakian

composer, [gibberish].

This work was composed under a slight disadvantage.

He had no talent.

The conductor lifts his baton and we start.

[music playing]

This is just mood music.

Now comes the fairest movement, presto vivaca augmento molto

contable molto chocolo molto.

Und we have the first theme, which naturally

played on the first string.

Bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, hmm, hmm.

This represents a young girl that

is living with her wicked guardian, who is a French horn.

[humming] [strange noises]

Now, this young girl... bing, bing, bing,

bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, hmm,

hmm... who is a beautiful girl...

bing, bing, bing, bing bing, bing bing, bing, hmm, hmm...

und her wicked guardian...

[humming]... live all alone on a farm.

And all she has for company are a hen...

[clucking]... und a dog...

[panting] [barking] und an a nanny goat.

[rapid humming] [baahing] [rapid humming] [baahing]..

At this point in the symphony, along

comes a handsome young trumpet.

[rapid humming]

And when he clasps his, his...

his eyes on this young girl, his heart goes [gibberish]..

This is Czechoslovakian for thumping.

Und he gets so excited that he has a solo passage, which

brings us to the second movement, where the fiddle is

happy... bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, hmm,

hmm... und the trumpet is happy.

[rapid humming]

Then suddenly, out stalks the French horn.

[humming] [strange noises].

And then the fiddle is so putrified her bridge falls out.

And the trumpet says, [rapid humming]..

But the French horn is very objectionable to this.

[humming] [strange noises].

When the trumpet blows this up.

[rapid humming]

Bah, shut up!

Now I know who you are.

You are not the French horn at all!

That [humming] had me fooled for a while.

But a [strange noises] gave you away.

You are a German glockenspiel in disguise,

beyond a doubt, wanted by the police

for drowning terrible little fiddles out.

The glockenspiel tries to escape to his flat,

but the enemies are too sharp for him.

[strange noises] in the leg.

[clucking] in the neck.

[rapid humming], ow!

In the face.

[rapid humming] [baahing] Ow!

In the other place.

The glockenspiel is trapped.

His escape they are foiling.

So he jumps into a catcher drum, which is boiling.

Boing.

Hurray, [inaudible], the old glockenspiel is dead.

[rapid humming] Happy little fiddle, trumpet did wed.

[rapid humming] [baahing] [rapid humming]

[applause]

Very good show, Mitty.

Oh, thank you, sir.

Uh, see you at headquarters.

Yes, sir.

Oh, you are so brave, so strong, so handsome.

You like [inaudible], no?

Hmm, rather.

Cheerio.

[music playing]

EUNICE: Walter?

Walter?

Will you please come up here?

Your milk toast is getting soggy.

Righto, Mother.

Ow!

If you'd gotten up on time, you'd have made the 7:45.

There was no reason for you to oversleep.

Well, Mother, I had to stay up and read

those proofs for Mr. Pierce.

Take a cab from the station.

Never mind the expense.

I'll take it out of your allowance.

Goodbye, dear.

Oh, hurry, now.

Hurry, dear.

Hurry! Bye!

The rake!

The rake!

And don't forget the birdseed and the unbleached muslin.

Goodbye, Mother.

Right there.

Goodbye, darling.

May I?

Oh, pardon me.

Manhattan transfer.

Manhattan transfer.

Manhattan transfer.

Manhattan transfer.

Goodbye, darling.

Have a nice day at the office.

I'll see you at Mother's tonight.

Hello.

Oh, Hello.

I thought you got off at Manhattan transfer.

I just pretended to.

I, uh, was trying to avoid a masher.

Oh.

Oh, I'm terribly sorry if I gave the wrong impression.

I didn't... - Oh, it wasn't you.

But I appreciate your coming to my assistance.

Thank you.

WALTER: You're welcome.

Uh, well, goodbye.

Oh, darling, you shouldn't have done it!

Oh, it's the loveliest bracelet in the world.

- Huh? - Come.

We'll go to the dressmaker's together.

What's the matter?

You've a good face.

Well, you've... you've a good one, too.

Don't be alarmed.

I'm not going to kiss you again.

Oh, I wasn't thinking about that.

I think I can trust you, Mr....

Mitty.

Walter Mitty.

My name is Rosalind van Hoorn.

How do you do?

Gee, that's a pretty name.

I need your assistance, Mr. Mitty.

Will you help me?

Me?

How?

Well, I'm on my way to meet the Hollandia.

I'm being followed, and I'm frightened.

Please come with me.

Uh, you... you're frightened?

Yes.

And you want me to help you?

Yes.

Gosh.

I'm sure if you were along, I wouldn't have to worry.

Well, I guess I could handle myself in a pinch.

I, uh, do a little boxing at the Y. And, uh, well,

I'd like to see any masher try and...

Oh, you're very kind, Mr. Mitty.

Never mind the Pierce building, driver.

Go right to Pier 47.

Yes, never mind... oh, wait!

Wait a minute.

I'm terribly sorry.

I'm late for the office.

I have to be... uh, driver, will you stop the... there it is now.

Please, stop the cab!

[brakes squealing]

Bye.

Here's my share of the cab, and I hope you get there all right.

Oh, that isn't necessary.

Bye.

Goodbye, Mr. Mitty.

Oh!

What's the matter, Walter?

Oh, my briefcase!

I left it in that taxicab.

And it had all the proofs of "Air Races" in it.

Mr. Pierce'll kill me!

Oh, here, hold this, will you?

Uh, taxi!

Taxi!

[music playing]

[non-english speech]

[music playing]

OK, Mr. Maasdam.

[music playing]

Excuse me, miss.

[music playing]

Oh, excuse me.

Did you see a girl in a green dress?

She came here in a cab to meet the Hollandia.

It had my briefcase in it.

I didn't see the driver's face.

The back of his head was kind of, uh, uh... oblong.

Uncle will be so glad to see you.

Not anymore than I will be glad to see him.

It is incredible.

I cannot believe that he is still living.

[music playing]

You are quite sure you came here unobserved?

Now, Karl, you mustn't trouble yourself anymore.

You're in safe hands now.

[music playing]

WALTER: Miss van Hoorn?

Wait a minute.

Uh, my... my briefcase.

I left it in your taxicab.

I followed you all the way down here.

Oh, I'm sorry I put you to all that trouble.

Mr. Martin, this is Mr. Mitty.

Oh, how do you do?

Is, uh, this what you are looking for, young man?

Oh, yes.

Thank you very much.

We're in a dreadful hurry.

Would you mind helping the driver with the luggage?

Oh, but I...

I'm terribly late. I've got to...

- We can drop you off. - Oh.

Oh, OK.

Sure.

[music playing]

[snapping sound]

What was that?

What?

That click.

I didn't hear nothing.

[music playing]

Sorry to keep rushing you like this,

but our whole next issue is in here.

Uh, I'm in the publishing business.

We put out 31 magazines.

[music playing]

He must be pretty tired.

Yes, he's had quite a trip.

Uh, I guess he fell asleep.

Karl!

Karl!

He's been stabbed!

Stabbed?

Oh, what are we gonna do?

It's 10 o'clock.

I've never been this late before in my life.

What are we gonna do?

Driver, take us to the nearest police station.

[music playing]

WALTER: Officer, officer, something terrible's happened!

This young lady and I want to report...

What young lady?

Hmm?

Oh.

Officer, I want to report a murder.

- Murder? - Yes, sir.

We have the body outside in a taxi.

What?

[music playing]

The body is in this taxicab.

What taxicab?

Well, it was... it was right here.

I drove up with a girl in green, and we left the body

outside in the taxicab.

In a yellow taxicab?

No, a pink one.

And the girl was in blue?

No, no.

Green.

Just as I thought.

This is a case for Scotland Yard!

No, no.

Really, officer, her name was Rosalind van Hoorn, and...

and she said I had a nice face.

Well, you have a nice face.

Now, you go home and sleep it off.

[music playing]

Good morning, Mr. Mitty.

Shh!

[music playing]

Mitty!

Oh, morning, sir.

When do you take over the First National Bank?

What do you mean, sir?

You seem to be keeping banker's hours.

Oh.

Oh, well, I have a very good excuse, Mr. Pierce.

I went down to meet the Hollandia to get my briefcase.

Uh, I... I was with a beautiful girl.

And then coming back, a man was murdered.

Murdered right next to me in a taxicab!

And then they all disappeared.

Oh, they all disappeared?

Yes, sir.

Why don't you tell the truth, Mitty?

You fell asleep on the train.

- Oh, no, sir! - Mitty?

Yes, sir.

I want to tell you something for your own good.

You've been with this firm for 10 years.

11.

11, is it?

Yes, sir.

If you don't stop this incessant woolgathering,

I'll have to take drastic action.

Oh, honest, Mr. Pierce, this wasn't a daydream.

I'm... I'm sure it wasn't.

MR. PIERCE: I've no time for your excuses.

Where are those proofs?

Oh, uh, right here in my briefcase, sir.

I have them all read and corrected, sir.

Here they are.

What's this?

Oh, that's my memorandum book, sir.

OK, we'll send these to press.

Now here.

You get busy on "Sensational Murders."

"Sensational mur...

Murders"?

I don't want to be bothered.

I've an important board meeting this afternoon.

Yes, sir.

Oh, tell Joe to doctor up that knifing story.

Yes, sir.

Lord Cecil was only stabbed once.

And we've always given our readers their money's worth.

Yes, sir.

Have him stabbed front and back and in the side!

And save the heart for last.

Why should we stint on things like that?

WALTER: [scream]

MR. PIERCE: What's the matter with you, Mitty?

Oh, nothing.

Nothing, sir.

[music playing]

ROSALIND: Oh, Mr. Mitty?

Oh, it's you.

Mr. Mitty, I want to apologize for this morning.

But where'd you disappear to?

I went to make a phone call and was advised to leave.

Uncle felt there was too much at stake for me to be mixed

up in what happened? - Uncle?

Uncle who?

Uncle Peter.

He told me to come here and get you.

Get me?

He wants to meet you.

Look, I don't want to get mixed up in this thing, either.

And besides, I've got some shopping to do for my mother.

Please come.

Well, I only have an hour for lunch,

and I'm supposed to be back at the office at 1:30.

It'll only take a few minutes.

I promise.

Please?

[music playing]

Say, what happened to that taxicab?

What happened to the body?

They took it away.

They?

Who's they?

Uncle will explain everything.

Oh.

[music playing]

Hello, Tyler.

How do you do?

Will you tell my uncle Mr. Mitty is here?

Yes, Miss van Hoorn.

We'll wait in the library.

[music playing]

He'll only be a moment.

[music playing]

Gee, that's pretty.

The picture.

Do you mind if I look at it?

Of course not.

[music playing]

[piano playing]

[gasp]

[piano playing]

Do you like it?

Oh, I love it.

It's always frightened me.

Oh, I thought...

well, that's my favorite song, "Beautiful Dreamer."

I like the way you play it.

Mr. van Hoorn is waiting for you in the solarium.

Thank you, Tyler.

Hello, Uncle.

Hello, my dear.

Uncle Peter, this is Mr. Mitty.

How are you, Mr. Mitty?

Fine, thank you.

You're the young man who was so kind to my niece

this morning.

Oh, I really didn't do anything.

You'll have a cup of tea with us.

Tea?

- Yes, please do. - All right.

Pardon me.

Gee, these are beautiful.

You like flowers?

Oh, Mother likes them.

We're raising snapdragons now.

Only I brought back petunias instead.

So I have to exchange them today.

You know these bulbs came from Holland?

Oh, did they?

Hmm.

We get ours from Gerber's feed store.

Personally, I'd rather raise radishes.

They grow so fast, and you can eat them.

Do you like yours with cream, Mr. Mitty?

No, just salt. Oh, uh, no.

No cream, thank you.

I thought you meant the rad... radishes.

Please sit down.

Yes.

Here you are, Uncle.

Thank you, my dear.

It's... cover fell down.

There we are.

Mr. Mitty, I asked Rosalind to bring

you here because I wanted to tell you

that your life is in danger.

D... danger?

You were present when poor Maasdam

was murdered this morning.

Yes, but that was a mere coincidence.

I was down at the pier.

Just the same, Mr. Mitty, you were there.

And they might try to kill you, too.

Why?

Mr. Mitty, I can see that you are a man of great courage.

Would you like more tea?

Yes, thank you.

Since you have already become involved,

it may be necessary for you to face even greater danger.

It may, huh?

Well...

Uncle, I think he should know all the facts.

I think I should, too.

You see, Uncle Peter was curator

of the Royal Netherlands Museum in Rotterdam.

WALTER: He was?

He left there just before the German invasion.

That seems like the most reasonable time.

But before I escaped, I managed

to see that all of our great art treasures

were concealed in hundreds of obscure places.

Well, then, there's nothing to worry about.

ROSALIND: Oh, yes, there is.

The hiding place of each article was recorded

in a little black book.

The boot will do anything to get it.

Uh, the boot?

Who's the boot?

His real name is Wilhelm Krug.

That's why Maasdam was murdered this morning.

I see.

Krug thought that Maasdam had the book.

Oh, well then, uh, who has it?

Nobody knows.

Nobody knows.

But if the boot thought you had it,

he'd cut your throat in a second!

I... well, let's notify the OPA.

I mean, the FBI.

Oh.

Uncle has already notified them.

They're working together with the Dutch secret police.

I can understand your alarm, Mr. Mitty.

But the police are very efficient.

The minute you're killed, they'll double their efforts.

Yes.

Of course, that's very reassuring.

But I, um... I think I must be running along now.

I've so much shopping to do.

As a precaution, Mr. Mitty, say

nothing about this matter to anyone, even your loved ones.

I... of course, you, you... you can trust me, Mr. van Hoorn.

I won't say...

Goodbye, Mr. Mitty.

Goodbye.

You're very brave.

Thank you.

[scream] I... bye.

[music playing]

May I help you, sir?

Yes, ma'am.

I, uh, have some things to...

I've got... uh, I'd like some Dutch crown

jewels, the diamond collection.

Jewelry department on the fifth floor, sir.

Diamond collection, House of Orange?

The van der Meer originals?

Mister, this is the pet department.

The... the pet...

oh.

Oh, the black book.

[snapping sound]

Oh.

[music playing]

Oh.

[music playing]

How do you do?

Was there something else you wished?

Uh, there's, uh, uh...

yes.

I'll have some of these dog biscuits.

[music playing]

I, uh, always eat 'em.

I... they contain vitamin B1.

I, the...

[music playing]

You forgot your change, sir.

Oh, thank you.

Thank you very much.

These are lovely leashes, aren't they?

Oh, yes.

Lovely.

Lovely leashes.

[music playing]

Uh, how much are these muzzles?

$3.

Uh, uh, $3?

So, 1, 2.

Thank you.

Shall I have it wrapped, sir?

No.

No, I'll wear it home.

[music playing]

A more controlled figure is...

Oh, uh, how... how do you do?

How do you do?

Won't you sit down?

Uh, oh, uh, thank... thank you.

[inaudible]

Notice, ladies, the exquisite line and the smooth contour.

The featherweight quality is achieved

by using satin and bengaline with a chiffon trimming

specifically designed for...

I think you'd be able to see better from the front.

Oh, uh, no. No, no.

Thank you very much.

I... I've got to make a phone call.

I... excuse me.

[music playing]

WOMAN: Oh, Clarissa, would you mind coming in here a minute?

WOMAN: Yes, Miss Claire.

Now, these nightgowns go in the early delivery today.

Oh, and this corset goes to Mrs. Follinsbee.

Will you be sure that it makes the afternoon

delivery tomorrow?

Yes, I will.

Thank you.

[music playing]

What are you doing in here?

Oh, uh, uh, well, excuse me.

Is, uh... is this the hardware department?

Well, you know this isn't the hardware department.

Get out of here, you peeping Tom!

Uh, uh, uh, peeping Tom.

That's... excuse me, ma'am.

[music playing]

Oh!

[music playing]

This idea of a pocket-sized edition came

to me about two years ago, and I've given

it considerable thought.

There are four values to pocket-sized editions.

One, they fit in the pocket.

Two, I have behind me a well-geared

organization of sober, industrious employees who...

Mitty! - Help!

Oh!

Get that thing out of here!

Mitty!

Elmer!

Shoo!

Elmer!

What in thunderation do you think you're doing?

Uh, I was trying to get away from somebody, Mr. Pierce.

There's a man following me.

He had terrible eyes and a long knife.

And, uh, I'll explained it all to you later, shall I?

Go, go.

Out, out!

Go away, Elmer!

That's it.

Um, sorry, Mr. Pierce.

I know how busy you are.

So I don't like to disturb, disturb... oh.

Pardon.

Pardon.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

MR. PIERCE: Mitty!

Hello, is Mr. van Hoorn or his niece at home?

Oh.

Well, do you know what time they'll be back?

It's very important.

I see.

Well, would you leave a message that Mr. Mitty called?

Walter Mitty.

I know of a way to kill a man and leave no trace.

Excuse me.

I'll be with you in just a moment.

[music playing]

Who are you?

I'm Dr. Hugo Hollingshead.

I have a manuscript that contains

a most ingenious method for the perpetration of homicide.

Well, I'm afraid you have the wrong office, Dr. Homicide.

Uh, Mr. Pierce buys all the stories.

I've seen Mr. Pierce, and he told me to see you.

Oh.

Well, would you have a chair?

Did you know that an icicle inserted into the brain

will melt slowly and leave no trace?

It's been done.

Sorry. Would you...

Perhaps you would be interested

in a different method.

The sensory nerve at the base of the skull

is peculiarly vulnerable to an assassin.

One merely presses with the thumbs thus.

The resulting brain hemorrhage produces instantaneous death

without a clue.

Yes, that's very good, Doctor.

But we used the sensory nerve in "The Gland

Specialist's Revenge."

Excuse me, won't you?

Ah, but what you don't know is that the base of the brain

is a very sensitive place.

As you can see, the only weapon is the human hand.

Hey, wait a minute!

Put that book... oh!

[music playing]

Help!

Give me that vest!

Help!

Give me my vest!

[music playing]

Help!

Help!

In "Hospital Love Stories," as in all other

of our publications, action will be the key note.

Action, thrills, the unexpected.

Of course, the medical aspects will be respected.

And a competent... a competent staff of research men...

Yes, Mr. McClure.

Any question?

No.

No question.

A competent staff of research men...

Mitty!

What... what in the confounded tarnation

are you and that pigeon trying to do?

Mr. Pierce, you've got to listen to me.

I was out there hanging by my hands.

A tall doctor pushed me out the window.

What is this insane... what tall doctor?

The one you sent in to tell me the story.

He didn't come in to tell me any story.

He came in just to push me out the window.

I didn't send anyone in to throw you out of the window!

I've got more important things to do!

Well, here's his vest.

Whose vest?

The man... the man you sent in to...

- Mitty! - Yes, sir.

I don't know whether you're drunk or crazy.

But Mr. Pierce...

Throw that pigeon out and you get out of here!

Shoo!

I'll talk to you later.

I'm, sorry Mr. Pierce.

Oh, excuse me.

Sorry.

Get out of here, Mitty. Get out!

Get out!

I'm sorry, Mr. Pierce.

Mister... I'm terribly sorry.

Mitty!

[inaudible] Get out, Mitty!

Get out!

Oh!

MR. PIERCE: Get out!

You know very well, Mitty, if you're going to get married,

you just have to ask for a raise.

Put those flowers in water for me, will you, dear?

What was that?

What was what?

The clock didn't strike.

I definitely heard it not strike.

Will you please take it to Cudner's on Sixth Avenue?

If they fixed Gertrude's metronome,

they can fix anything.

But don't say you'll do it, and then not do it.

I'll do it tomorrow afternoon.

I...

Walter!

Not in the lemonade!

For heaven's sake, what's the matter with you?

You've been in a daze all evening.

Mother, if a fellow was a witness to a murder,

and he was told not to say anything about it, not

even to his loved ones, what do you

think he ought to do about it?

Walter, can't you forget those stories of yours for a moment?

[buzzing]

They've got Tubby Wadsworth.

Put your coat on, darling. Put it on.

Hmm?

And get rid of that [inaudible]..

Tubby Wadsworth.

Anybody home?

Oh, my God!

My, what a stunning hat!

Thank you.

And Gertrude, dear.

Hello, Mother Mitty.

Take your things off.

And Tubby Wadsworth.

Gertrude brought me and left Queenie home.

How do I look as a lap dog?

Woof, woof, woof.

Hiya, Walt, old boy!

Hello, Tubby.

Walty.

Uh, brought you a present.

Oh.

First edition.

Well!

Gee, thanks, Tubby.

What is it?

Tubby's so thoughtful.

Well, isn't this wonderful?

Walter, you look so silly!

Little gadget I picked up at a magic store.

Sneezing powder.

It's a howl, isn't it?

Sure is.

Guess what, Eunice?

What?

We have the Reverend Thomas for Saturday!

EUNICE: No!

IRMA: Thanks to Tubby.

TUBBY: Well, you know what they say... unlucky

in love, lucky in cards.

Thank you, Gertrude.

TUBBY: Well, what are we waiting for?

EUNICE: You four play the first rubber.

Let's play for 25th's of a cent and settle for half.

Oh, no, dear.

No gambling.

Let's keep it social.

Cut for deal.

- King. - 10.

Three.

Two.

Pass those, dears.

Care for some ladyfingers, Tubby?

Only, yours Juliet.

[sneeze]

Let's play some bridge.

One, no trump.

Uh, pass.

Five diamonds.

Pass.

Five diamonds?

Hmm.

Six, no trump.

Pass

Five.

Pass.

Your lead, Walt.

Uh, [mumbling].

How's that, partner?

[whistle]

Grand slam.

She left the two hearts on the diamonds,

and the spades are good.

You know, you could have set me if you'd led a heart.

Well, Walter's trouble is that he doesn't concentrate.

TUBBY: Card sense is like business sense.

If you haven't got one, you haven't got the other.

EUNICE: That's exactly what I'm always telling you, Walter.

Your deal.

WALTER (VOICEOVER): Cool as a cucumber, Gaylord Mitty,

the Mississippi gambler, puffed nonchalantly

on a handmade Havana.

Raise.

Once again, sir.

[music playing]

The deed to my plantation.

Call.

Three kings.

I believe I have three bullets, sir.

Lady luck hasn't been smiling upon you, Colonel Wadsworth.

One more hand, Mitty.

WALTER: With what, Colonel?

Ginger snaps?

I know you're in love with my fiancee.

I'll play you one hand for her.

You'd pluck a star from the heavens

and fling it on the sordid cloth of a gaming table?

If I lose, I'll...

I'll go north.

Is it a wager?

It's a wager, sir.

[music playing]

I'm terribly sorry, ladies.

Your pleasure, sir.

I'll play these.

[music playing]

Reckon this is one hand you won't win.

This time, I got the three aces.

That's mighty strange, Colonel.

I have four aces.

[murmuring]

Why, you cheating dog!

Careful, Wadsworth.

These things have been known to go off.

[music playing]

WALTER (VOICEOVER): The clink of banjos could be heard over

the paddle wheels as they want to-paka-ta-paka-ta-paka-ta

in the moonlit waters.

Gaylord Mitty squared his enormous shoulders

and called her name softly.

Miss Gertrude?

WALTER (VOICEOVER): It was a touching moment.

Oh, it's you.

[music playing]

I have the honor to inform you...

I have already been informed.

I suppose you've come to collect your bet,

you unspeakable riverboat gambler.

I have no intention of holding a lady to any such bargain.

Here's the deed to the plantation

stolen from your father.

Oh, Gaylord!

But try to think kindly of me when...

when I'm away.

GERTRUDE: Away?

Fort Sumter has been fired upon.

My regiment leaves at dawn.

Oh, Gaylord, how I've misjudged you.

I know it's too much to hope for, ma'am.

But if you'll wait...

Forever, Gaylord.

Forever.

[music playing]

Swallow them up, old Mississippi.

This is my last deal.

Come on, Walt. Finish the deal.

[sneeze]

Walter, what's the matter with you?

[music playing]

ROSALIND: Mr. Mitty?

[music playing]

Oh, it's really you.

You phoned yesterday.

Yes, I called to...

I called because I wanted to tell you

I found the book you were looking for.

It was on me.

Oh, thank heavens.

Where is it?

Uh, I stuck it in a lady's corset.

What?

I mean a lady's corset that was being delivered

from Stacey's Department Store.

Her name was, uh...

the lady's name was Follinsbee.

You mean you had the book and you let it out of your hands?

Well, I had to.

A man was chasing me with a long knife,

and another man tried to push me out of a window.

I've been through a lot since I left you.

Well, we must find it. We must.

Come, show me where you put it.

Well, I... I can't.

I've got a dinner party at 6:30.

I've got to meet my mother and my...

lots of other people.

And by the time I get this clock dropped

off at Cudner's on Sixth Avenue, I... it won't strike.

Mother's used to hearing it strike.

It keeps her awake.

And it's got to be...

oh, please Miss van Hoorn.

Please don't cry.

I'm sorry.

It's just I'm so low in all this.

Uncle's helpless, and I don't know where to turn.

Oh, well it shouldn't be too hard to find.

Uh, I'll do anything I can to help.

Would you?

Sure.

Well, how... how many Follinsbees can there be?

Let... let's look in the phone book.

[music playing]

Well, this looks like it.

Run up and check.

Oh, you won't need that.

Oh, well, it's Grandmother's clock.

I mustn't let anything happen to it.

I'll keep an eye on it.

Hurry.

Now, I'll stay down here in case anything happens.

All right.

What do you think will happen?

Please, hurry.

It's Follinsbee, all right.

Well, knock on the door.

Hmm?

ROSALIND: Knock on the door!

No!

Oh, uh... terribly sorry.

I... uh, is your name Follinsbee?

That's right.

What do you want?

Uh, well, now, uh, would you mind very much if I

looked in your wife's corset?

What?

Uh, uh, I mean, yesterday I slipped

something into her corset.

I... how do you do?

Do you know this guy?

Never saw him before.

Oh, uh, you don't, uh...

Oh, so help me, Harry, I never saw the guy before in my life.

Get out of here.

I'll know your teeth in.

Oh, please, Harry!

I swear he doesn't mean a thing!

- This isn't a corset. - Oh.

What is it? - It's a nightgown.

Oh.

Well, I'd better take it back to that fellow.

I've caused him enough trouble now.

Uh, I'm... I'm sorry to trouble you again.

But I just thought I'd better return your wife's nightgown.

Why, you!

[music playing]

Harry!

Harry!

[music playing]

Mrs. Leticia Follinsbee, 949 Fifth Avenue.

She must work here.

[music playing]

You forgot your keys.

Gee, those are pretty.

Wooden shoes, huh?

I've had them for years.

Oh.

They're supposed to ward off evil.

I should have been carrying them yesterday.

Carry them now.

Oh, no.

These are gold.

Why should you give them to me?

Because you've been so kind, Walter.

Walter.

[music playing]

I have a bag that matches these shoes exactly.

I wonder how much they are.

Oh, girls.

I didn't know you were out here.

Mrs. Follinsbee is waiting for you.

Come, come.

You'll have to rush to change.

You're terribly late.

[music playing]

What did the corset look like?

Well, it was, uh, black and sort of filmy.

And, uh lacy around the, uh, neck with little yellow ribbons

or green or some color.

You wait here.

May I seat you, sir?

Hmm?

Right over here.

[music playing]

Now, girls, take these corsets.

And you 12s wear these.

Rush, girls.

Rush and start dressing.

Oh, I'm sorry, but black helps bring out the best in me.

Welcome, ladies.

I can't tell you how proud I am to present Anatole of Paris.

[applause]

[music playing]

Hello.

This is the first appearance of my latest creation.

[music playing]

Venetian mirror hat.

[french] A great turban studded with diamonds.

And on the top, Prince of Wales ostrich tails.

[french], no?

Cocktails for two.

I call this one the rain hat because it

looks like a fountain.

And when you buy it, you get soaked.

It's entirely made of black egrets

with a diamond band in case you go slumming.

Ah, for the woman of mystery, a touch

of the Arabian with Parisian simplicity,

a sheik that is truly chic.

Made of jersey, carrying its own [inaudible]

and giving madam the [inaudible]..

And now, my piece de r sistance.

Watch.

First, the pin.

Then, the brim.

Then, back with the pin.

Voila, the striptease hat.

[applause]

Now, before I continue with the rest of my hats,

I would like you to know how I started in this business.

[music playing]

(SINGING) It all began when I was born a month too soonin.

My ma was frightened by a runaway saloonin.

Pa was forced to be a hobo because he played the oboe.

and the oboe with his clearly understood, is an ill win

that no one blows good.

I'll never forget the morning that Grandpa

ate the awning to impress a pretty lady who

went for men that were shady.

Then my uncle, Aunt Mary, went on a safari to Calcutta!

Bombay, India!

Trekking through the trackless jungle

at low tide and high noon.

Low tide.

High noon.

And, and the result of the twisted eugenics of this family

of inbred schizophrenics, the end

of a long, long line of bats!

I design women's hats.

[speaking french]

You are no longer with us.

I'm Anatole of Paris.

I shriek with chic.

My hat of the week costs six divorces, three runaway horses.

I'm Anatole of Paris.

The hats I sell make husbands yell,

is that a hat or a two-room flat?

[speaking french]

Let me get my poor iron a little piece of straw and voila.

A chapeau at 60 bucks a troll.

It's how I pull and chew on.

It's the little things I do.

Like placing yards of lacing or a bicycle built for two on it.

The little ones, the big ones, the certain [inaudible] ones,

the foolish ones that perch and the ghoulish ones that lurch.

The one called moonlit menace, designed for a night in Venice.

A little boat and a little [operatic singing]..

I'm Anatole of Paris.

I must design.

I'm just like wine.

I go to your head.

Give me thread and a needle.

I itch.

I twitch through stitch.

I'm a glutton for cotton, for pattern with a button.

You slip and pluck, nip and tuck, fix and trim, [inaudible]

brim, tote that bird.

Lift that veil.

[growl] [bark]

(SINGING) And why do I sew each new chapeau if the style

they must deposit [inaudible].

Strictly between us, [french], I hate women.

[music playing]

ANATOLE: And so, ladies, my first small creation

lead to greater things.

Walter.

[speaking french]

- Shh. - Oh.

Here it is.

Take it to Uncle's as quickly as you can.

But I can't.

Uh, my... my mother.

It's, uh...

[clock chiming]

[laughter]

[thunder]

Dutch crown jewels diamond collection house...

Oh, I don't think we ought to stay her overnight, Mother.

We should've gone home in Tubby's car!

And leave you alone with that...

[thunder]

It's, uh, raining so hard, and our road

will be washed out anyway.

Uh...

[knocking]

Who is it?

It's me.

Who did you expect?

Here, drink this while it's warm.

And get right into bed, dear.

Come on, darling.

Oh, that's hot, Mother.

Drink it all, dear.

That's all I want.

Goodnight, dear.

Goodnight.

And try not to dream of climbing.

Yes, Mother.

[piano playing]

Miss van Hoorn.

What are you doing here?

They might have heard you!

It was the only way. Where's the book?

Why didn't you bring it to Uncle?

Shh!

Come into the kitchen.

[sneeze]

Oh, you're catching cold.

Here, you'd better sit by the stove.

I'll light the oven.

You'd better take those wet shoes off.

I'll make some tea for you.

EUNICE: Walter?

Oh, shh.

Wait a minute.

I'll be right down.

EUNICE: Walter?

Walter!

Hello, Mother.

What in the world are you doing?

Where was that music coming from?

Uh, the music?

Oh!

I was just playing the piano, Mother.

Playing the piano?

Hmm?

You can't play the piano!

I know.

But it, uh, sort of helps me relax when it's lightning

and thundering things.

Well, you just march right into bed

and do your relaxing there.

Goodnight, Mother.

Goodnight, Gertrude.

Goodnight, Mrs. Griswold.

Well, a lot of people play the piano when they can't sleep.

It's a well-known fact.

Goodnight. - Goodnight.

Goodnight.

[whistling]

[whistling]

Walter, what are you doing out hear?

Whistling.

I... the rain is making too much noise to whistle in there.

I, uh... I was just trying to remember the way

our old high school song went.

Uh, (SINGING) fight on for Perth Amboy High.

[whistle]

Walter, will you please go to bed?

Goodnight, Mother.

Goodnight, Gertrude.

Goodnight, Mrs. Griswold.

It's a funny thing.

Walter can never go to sleep when

he tries to think of something and can't remember.

His father was the same way, up half the night.

Goodnight. - Goodnight.

Night.

Mother, what if he acts that way after we're married?

We'll handle him.

It's just that he wasn't properly raised.

Tubby keeps on proposing.

Maybe I'm making a mistake.

Gee, you brought another dress.

It's my slip.

Slip.

Well, it looks like an evening gown on you.

Uh, would you like another cup of tea?

No, thanks.

I must hurry and get the book to Uncle.

May I have it, please?

Oh, well, it's upstairs.

I'll get it.

Only, well you will be all right?

I mean, you weren't followed or anything?

No, I'll be all right.

Oh, good.

I wouldn't want you to meet those two fellows.

You should see that knife.

It was... I'm going with you.

Oh, no, Walter.

That's sweet, but... - No, no, no.

I'll go with you.

You leave this way, and I'll meet you out front.

But you've done enough for me as it is.

Oh, no.

Anyone would have done the same thing in my shoes.

I've... I'll get my shoes and get the book, too.

[door closing]

ROSALIND: Oh, uh, Tyler, where's Uncle Peter?

TYLER: He's in the library, miss.

Uncle, we have it.

We have the book.

The book.

Rosalind.

And we have Walter to thank.

WALTER: Oh, it was nothing.

PETER: Mr. Mitty...

Mr. Mitty, I don't know what to say.

I don't know how to repay you.

Holland will be eternally grateful.

WALTER: Oh, well I really didn't do anything.

I...

It's a lucky thing I found out where Walter lived.

PETER: Very, very fortunate.

Oh, you don't know what this means to me, my dear.

I think I do.

Come and join me, Mr. Mitty.

This calls for a celebration.

And you've been through a great deal.

Mother doesn't like me to drink very much,

but maybe this once, just a little one.

Now, where's the book?

Yes, Walter.

Give Uncle the book.

Oh.

Oh, I gave it to you in the car.

Yes, you did, but I returned it.

No, no. I gave it to you.

Don't you remember? I said, here's the book.

And you said, thank you, Walter.

And I said, you're very welcome, Miss van Hoorn.

Won't you please call...

Look through all your pockets, Walter.

Here, you must have it somewhere.

WALTER: No, I'm sure I...

I'm sure I gave it to you.

ROSALIND: We must have left it in the car.

We'd better go out and look.

PETER: Wait.

Mr. Mitty, to Holland.

Yes, to Holland.

[music playing]

Hurry, Walter.

We'll be right back.

You'd better put this raincoat on.

It's still raining out.

[music playing]

Walter!

Walter!

What happened?

Walter!

Wake up!

Walter.

[music playing]

The boot.

Where's the book, Rosalind?

[music playing]

[scream]

Rosalind.

Rosalind.

You'd better put this raincoat on.

It's still raining out...

He's coming to.

Did you get it?

Get what?

The black book.

The black book?

Mother, what are you doing here?

Where's Rosalind?

Rosalind?

WALTER: Your niece.

Young man, I have known niece.

No niece?

MR. PIERCE: Uh, how long had he been

crawling around your front lawn, Mr. van Hoorn?

Tyler found him at 7:00 this morning.

Eating the tulip bulbs.

Tulip bulbs?

Well, I'll pay for all the damages, Mr. van Hoorn.

No.

Mother!

He says he has no niece!

Well, if the man says he has no niece, he should know!

But he has, Mother.

I know he has.

Her name is Rosalind, and she has blonde hair,

and she's the prettiest girl I ever saw.

I'm afraid he's suffering from some hallucination.

I'm not suffering from anything!

There is a black book, and a man was murdered

right in front of my eyes!

And on Tuesday, you invited me to lunch to tell me about it.

And Rosalind was here!

She was at that piano!

I have never set eyes on you before in my life.

What do you mean you...

Walter, dear, please don't make anymore trouble.

- I'm not making any... - I got Mr. Pierce out of bed.

Now, Mitty, Mitty! Pull yourself together.

We have four magazines going to press today!

I don't care!

Young man, you are beginning to exhaust my patience.

You've destroyed property of mine.

I could prefer charges and have you arrested.

Now, Mr. van Hoorn, we can settle this amicably.

I'll pay for all the tulips, and I'll

send you a life subscription to "Terror Stories."

- I got to find Rosalind. - Mitty.

And don't pay him for any tulips, Mr. Pierce.

I didn't eat a single one. Rosalind!

- Mitty, Mitty! - Rosalind!

Don't get excited!

We'll get you to a doctor right away.

I'll telephone Dr. Renshaw in East Orange.

- Yes. - He took out Walter's tonsils.

Pardon me.

If I may suggest, the boy needs not a physician,

but a psychiatrist.

Psychiatrist?

I happen to know a very good one.

Name him, sir. Money's no object.

No, I'm gonna find Rosalind.

Hey, Mitty, Mitty!

Catch... catch him! - Oh, dear!

I don't know what's happened to Walter.

There, there.

He's never run away from home before,

not even when he was little.

There, there, Miss Mitty.

He's such a quiet boy!

Yes, he...

[banging]

Oh, my poor dear!

What have you done to him?

He did it himself, madam.

What's that psychiatrist's name?

Dr. Hugo Hollingshead.

Hugo Hollingshead.

The doctor will see you now.

Come along, Walter.

Come on.

I tell you, I'm all right, Mother!

I'm not crazy!

I just don't understand.

I know, darling.

How do you do?

Won't you come in?

That's him.

That's Dr. Hollingshead!

Shh, dear, of course it's Dr. Hollingshead.

But he's the one who pushed me out the window!

Walter!

Mother, he's a killer, I tell you!

He belongs to the gang!

Walter, dear, please!

There, there, there, my boy.

The doctor's not going to harm you.

I'm Mr. Pierce, Doctor.

I see.

How do you do?

How do you do?

And this is Mrs. Mitty, I take it.

Don't let him touch you, Mother.

Call the police!

Doctor, you've got to help us.

Mitty there is one of my key men.

He was all right up to 48 hours ago, but then...

well, you can see for yourself.

He pushed me out of a window, I tell you!

Walter, dear, please.

Doctor, do you think he's starved for vitamins?

Calm yourself, my dear Mrs. Mitty.

Calm yourself.

We'll give him a thorough examination.

No!

Now what's the matter, fellow?

Why don't you like me?

Because you pushed me out of a window, that's why!

Well, I've never seen you before.

Possibly you're mistaking me for somebody else.

Oh, no, I'm not.

Nobody could look as much like you do as you do.

Walter, you've got to get well.

You're going to be married on Saturday.

But don't you understand, Mother?

- Now, darling. - Boy has a bright mind, Doctor.

This man is a criminal.

There's no reason why he can't be back at his desk

by tomorrow morning.

I'd rather speak to him alone.

Would you mind?

Oh, please don't leave me, Mother.

Mr. Pierce, don't leave me alone with this...

Now, now, now, young man.

There's nothing to be afraid of.

Your mother will be right outside.

Will you, Mother?

Of course, darling.

It's all right.

Would you take your glasses off?

Why, of course.

Are you quite sure you didn't come to my office

and try to push me out of the window?

What nonsense.

I'm sorry.

That's better.

Sit down, boy.

Now just lie down there and be comfortable.

Go ahead.

Uh, can't you examine me standing up?

It's necessary that you be completely relaxed.

Now just lie right down there.

Relax, boy.

Relax.

Now, close your eyes.

The left one, too.

That's right.

Now tell me all that's bothering you.

Well, the day before yesterday, I met a girl.

She looked like all the girls I've ever dreamed about.

Don't you say he's crazy because he isn't!

Of course not.

He isn't imagining anything.

What's so mysterious about a black book?

It was just full of a lot of telephone numbers.

That proves he's normal.

Telephone numbers?

And that Rosalind he's always screaming about,

just one of the numbers.

Mama, I want to go home!

What's bothering you, honey?

And what about the black book?

That was gone, too.

It was in your possession when you came to the house?

I thought I'd given it to Mr. van Hoorn's niece,

but he said he had no niece.

Why are you asking me all these questions?

Because as a psychiatrist, I must

know your innermost mental processes.

Tell me, Mr. Mitty, uh, what sort of business are you in?

I'm a proofreader at the Pierce Publishing Company.

I see.

My boy, you're suffering from a romantic delusion

aggravated by overwork and incessant daydreaming.

You mean I...

I dreamed the whole thing?

Don't you see, Mr. Mitty?

You've obviously been affected by all these pulp magazines

that you're constantly proofreading.

You've been frustrated all your life,

and so you live in your daydream.

The heroine is always in danger.

She's tied to a chair, bound, and gagged.

But she was so real.

She had the prettiest mouth.

Every time she touched me, I grew hot and cold.

Rosalind!

Now what's the matter?

Well, I just saw her.

She was sitting in there.

She was bound and gagged.

My boy, I'm afraid you're in love

with a girl who doesn't exist.

They were right, I guess.

I daydream too much.

Exactly.

And that can lead to serious complications.

Why, I had a patient in here last week

who was suffering from the same sort of romantic delusion.

He was?

Yes.

Poor fellow was in a very bad state.

No matter how a woman was dressed,

he always fancied he saw her in a bathing suit.

Merophilia.

An extreme case, of course.

Oh, of course.

Yes, Doctor?

Miss Appleby, will you bring me the charts

of the Wilson case, please?

Certainly, Doctor.

Oh, Miss Appleby, you have a spot on your uniform.

NURSE: I'm sorry, Doctor.

I'll change immediately.

Uh, did, did, did...

did she really have a spot on her uniform?

Well, you saw it, didn't you?

Oh, uh, oh, sure, sure.

I saw it.

It was an ink spot.

Mercurochrome.

Oh, yes, Mercurochrome.

Looked like red ink.

Oh, it was hardly noticeable, though.

I...

You didn't see any uniform.

No.

Oh, you're right, Doctor.

I saw her in a bathing suit.

Oh, Doctor, I've got merophilia!

What am I gonna do?

What you need is a good, long rest.

But Doctor, I'm getting married tomorrow.

Capital.

Go home and marry your Bertha.

Uh, Gertrude.

Gertrude.

And forget all about it.

You'll be a new man.

I'm beginning to feel better already, Doctor.

Oh.

[music - "wedding march"]

Dearly beloved, we are gathered together

here in the sight of God and in the face

of this company to join together this man and this woman

in holy matrimony.

I require in charge of both that if either of you

know of any impediment why you may not be lawfully joined

together in matrimony, you do now confess is or else

forever after hold your peace.

[music playing]

Do you, Walter, take this woman to be your lawful wedded wife

so long as you both shall live?

I do.

[music playing]

MINISTER: Place the ring upon her finger.

The ring.

She's alive!

It's true! It wasn't a dream!

She's alive!

These are her shoes!

I was right! van Hoorn's a crook!

He's got her in that house! We've got to get her!

Mitty!

Mitty!

Mr. Pierce, you'll have to go after him.

He's going back to molest that poor old man!

[music playing]

Hey!

Hey!

Hey, you!

[music playing]

WALTER (VOICEOVER): The hopes of [inaudible] are going

to-paka-ta-paka-ta-paka-ta.

Walter Slim Mitty, the most feared man west of the Pecos,

rode into Tombstone Gulch.

[music playing]

Mitty!

Mitty the Kid's in town!

Mitty the Kid's in town!

[music playing]

Mitty the Kid's in town!

Mitty the Kid's in town!

Mitty the Kid's in town!

[music playing]

I wouldn't do that if I was you, Toledo.

Oh, Slim!

I'd start a-praying if I was you, Toledo.

Why, you!

[gunshot]

[music playing]

Oh, please, Slim.

Please don't hit me anymore, Slim.

[horns honking]

[music playing]

Still suffering from shock.

Well, get her out of it!

She's hidden that book somewhere in this house.

How can we get information from a girl

who cannot even open her mouth?

[music playing]

Krug.

Wait.

I have a better idea.

Our impetuous young man has come to rescue his lady in distress.

Doctor, do you think that seeing the man she loves

might bring her out of it?

It might.

Good.

Then we will let him rescue her.

[music playing]

Don't, don't... don't come any closer!

Don't come... uh, I've got a Luger, and I'll drill you.

[music playing]

All right, hophead.

Start talking, and talk fast.

Where is she?

You'd better start singing, lardface.

One more move, and I'll drill you.

I'll drill you so full of lead that...

[music playing]

Rosalind!

Rosalind!

Rosalind.

Rosalind.

Rosalind.

Oh, I just knew you were alive.

I knew it!

Oh, Walter!

Walter, it's you.

Have they hurt you?

I'll kill 'em, like I did that lardface outside.

Walter, my uncle...

Rosalind, he's a murderer.

I found out he isn't my uncle.

He's the boot.

The boot?

I didn't know.

I'd never seen my real uncle.

It was the boot that killed Maasdam.

Boot.

We'd better get out of here.

[music playing]

Come on.

[music playing]

Congratulations, Mr. Mitty.

You've aroused the sleeping beauty.

[music playing]

Turn on the light.

Where is it?

Over there.

Oh.

Wait... wait a minute.

[music playing]

This ought to hold 'em.

What are you doing?

Well, this worked in "The Shocking

Case of the Mad Electrician."

I'll just wire this here, turn the switch on.

Then when they come in, put their hands on...

Oh!

[music playing]

What are you doing that for?

It's the Malay tiger trap.

It works on tigers.

It should work on people.

We used this in "The Elephant Boy Strikes Back."

They cover it with straw in the jungle.

When he comes in, he steps on this.

The barrel goes off.

His foot gets caught in the rope, he goes right up,

and then he's trapped.

[music playing]

Here I am, lardface.

[music playing]

No, you're suppose... ah!

[music playing]

Come on, Rosalind.

ROSALIND: [scream]

Rosalind!

[music playing]

Help!

Let, let... let me down here!

Help!

Let me down!

Let...

[music playing]

Well, there's the flower truck.

[music playing]

For the last time, Rosalind, where is the book?

I'll never tell!

Never!

You'd better stay where you are.

I warn you.

I took care of you once before, and I'll do it again!

Drop it, bud!

What's going on here?

You, what about that flower truck?

I had to rescue the girl!

These men are crooks!

They're murderers!

He's the leader, the boot!

This is what they're after.

It belongs to the Dutch government.

Oh!

Get him!

He's getting away!

Twist her arm, will you?

I'll show you [inaudible].

Mitty!

Mitty, you fool!

Leave that poor old man alone.

Walter, all those policemen!

What does it mean?

Who's she?

Oh, this is Rosalind.

See, now you understand why I left the wedding.

I understand, you two-timer.

Well, ladies, I guess I was right all along.

Walter, how could you?

Rosalind can explain everything, Mother.

She was with me every minute.

So all the time you were making advances to my daughter,

you were carrying on with this Jezebel!

Jezebel!

How dare you?

All of you!

Rosalind, wait.

Let her go, Mitty.

You're well rid of her.

Go on, run after her, you milk-drinking Casanova!

Milk?

I'd like to see what he drinks when he's out with that blonde!

You filthy drunkard, you!

IRMA: You can't make a lily out of a ragweed.

Shut up!

Mitty!

You, too.

Now, you're all gonna listen to me.

For years, I've been listening to you,

and you almost put me in a straitjacket.

Your small minds are musclebound with suspicion.

That's because the only exercise you ever get

is jumping to conclusions.

You ought to be ashamed of yourselves, every one of you!

Now hold on, Mitty!

I don't think...

- You never think! - What?

The only good idea you ever had

was to hire me to do your thinking for you.

Oh.

[laugh]

[laugh]

[music playing]

Associate editor.

[music playing]

Go right in.

Take a look at it, Walt.

Oh, Walter, it's just wonderful.

Well, well, now, folks, this is

just another working day in the Pierce Publishing Company.

"Frontier Stories" has to meet its deadline.

Have you ever been through our plant, Mrs. Mitty?

No, I haven't.

Well, come along.

I'll show you around.

I'll see you later, dear.

[music playing]

And, uh, no more daydreaming, Walt, old man.

Oh, no.

Right you are, uh, uh, Bruce.

Bruce?

Why... [laughter]

[music playing]