All language subtitles for My.Darling.Vivian.2020.1080p.WEBRip.x264.AAC-[YTS.MX]

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(somber music)

(film reel whirring)

- You know, what's
interesting is that,

I bet all four of us have
slightly different mothers

and Kathy and I probably
have the closest to the same.

And Tara and I probably
have the most different.

And Cindy a bit different,

because she definitely
changed over time.

You know, the woman of
her 20s and early 30s,

that was tough.

- Hi folks, this is Johnny Cash.

- Johnny Cash.
- Johnny Cash.

- Johnny Cash and
the Tennessee Two!

♪ I keep a close watch
on this heart of mine ♪

(camera flashing)

Yeah, there was a girl.

She had black eyes
and the blackest hair.

When I left, she cried.

- Johnny Cash was an 18
year old Air Force trainee

stationed down in
San Antonio, Texas

when he first met
Miss Vivian Liberto.

(somber music)

- [Johnny] Hello Vivian,
how is my sweetheart?

Yours is alright but he's
lonesome for you as usual.

But then I'm always
lonesome for you, Viv.

I'll be thinking of you til
we're together again, honey,

and I'll never stop loving you.

As long as I live, I'll
never stop loving you.

I love you, Vivian.

(somber music)

- My experience,
just what I've seen

out there has been

that people really
don't know her.

- You know who VL is, don't you?

- Vivian Leigh?

- Nope.

- It's someone prettier
than Vivian Leigh.

- I don't know, I think
ever since "Walk the Line"

came out too, that
really did some damage

and made her look very
bad and just was not shown

in a very nice light.

- My band is here in Memphis.

- Your band?

John, your band?

Your band is two mechanics
who can't hardly play.

- I haven't seen the movie

and I don't want
to see the movie.

- Stay clear of my children.

- [June] Vivian, I-I
was just saying hello.

- You heard me.
- Viv.

- I understand the movie
depicted her differently

than she was and honestly,
I don't think anyone

had an impression
of her before that.

- She stayed so private
and so out of the public.

I mean she would have
friends for 10 years

that never knew she
was married to my dad.

- She had been offered
interviews, a lot of money,

a lot of books and she
refused to ever say anything.

- When she was writing
her book, late in life,

she said, "There are things
you kids don't even know,

"that's why I wanna
write the book."

- She was a very private person.

And was not prepared
for all of the attention

and public life and my
dad's notoriety and fame.

There was nothing in her past

that would have
prepared her for that

and it's nothing
she ever wanted.

And then of course,
when there was something

that was negative, like
when he got arrested

for bringing pills across
the border from Mexico,

something like that
just devastated her.

- You know, appearances were
incredibly important to her.

And she was so elegant.

A really nice figure,
she dressed beautifully.

Her hair was always done.

She's very exotic looking.

- Mom's hair was jet black
and it was past her waist

and it was really thick.

It was just beautiful.

And then in the 60s it went
up into a big pile on her head

and she, you know, it
was just a work of art.

- I would run my hand over
her dresses in her closet.

She had beautiful dresses.

I thought that was the
epitome of womanhood.

I couldn't wait for the
day when I could wear

something like that.

After their divorce,
they saw her as,

I don't know, as nothing.

So my mother faded into a
kind of negative obscurity.

- That's what's so
sad about the end

of their marriage
after 13 years.

13 years is a long time.

- To experience such
a loss like that

and have the whole world see it,

I think that was
really hard for her.

Really, really hard.

(camera flashing)

- My mom had terrible anxiety.

She had a really tough childhood

and you know, through
years of therapy

I began to understand
that she was damaged

from the get-go and
was working out a lot.

Well, she didn't really
work it out so much.

(film reel whirring)
(light music)

- My mom was born
April 23rd, 1934

in San Antonio, Texas.

Her ancestors had
come over from Sicily

and that's where my grandpa,
Tom and Irene were from.

Irene Robinson was my
grandmother's maiden name.

Her father was incredibly strict

and Catholic, devout Catholic.

They believed in
mortal sin and had

to go to Mass every Sunday

and all of the rituals
and restrictions

in the Catholic Church,
that was center.

She went to Saint
Mary's in San Antonio.

All girls, Catholic School.
(school bell ringing)

She took some domestic classes,

you know, had to take Homemaking

and the girls would
have to dance together

because there were no boys.

So my grandfather, Tom,
was an amateur magician,

but he would be called
to perform at parties

and he was also a
champion rose gardener.

And he was asked to
create a breed of rose

for Ladybird Johnson's
visit to San Antonio

and he had beautiful
rose bushes.

Of course that's
where my mom got that,

her love of rose
bushes and gardening.

As strict as my grandpa
was, my grandma, Irene,

was kind of loose and
didn't really have a sense

of the parameters of
how you lived your life

that my grandpa did.

And that my mom
eventually adopted.

My grandma was an alcoholic

and I didn't hear very
many stories about that

but I understood
that at some times

my mom would come
home from school

and grandma would be
passed out on the sofa

and she would clean the house

so that Grandpa, when
he came from work,

wouldn't know that Grandma
had been passed out.

So my mom did take
on an adult role and

I think that my
grandpa was violent

that he hit Uncle Ray.

- I know that my
grandfather didn't believe

in spanking girls.

So if the girls did something,
he spanked Uncle Ray.

Uncle Ray told me that years ago

that he would say,
"This one's for Vivian

"and this one's for you."

I know, I don't get it either.

- You know, I heard that
he never hit the girls

but I don't know how
much to believe of that.

So the summer of 1951,
my mom was 17 years old

and she was a big roller skater.

And she went roller
skating one night

and she met this young man
who was in the Air Force

who was stationed in San
Antonio for a short time.

I think before he went
up to skate with her,

he bet his buddy
that he could walk

that girl home that night.

And he won the bet.

- He told me that he
fell in love with her

the minute he saw her.

So he knocked her down
so he could meet her.

- I've never heard
that Dad ran into Mom

on the skating rink.

I never heard that.

Did she say that?

- Well, I always heard
that they physically bumped

into each other,
my dad and my mom.

- She found out later he
bumped into her on purpose

'cause he thought she was cute.

- No, I don't think so.

He definitely made a bet
that he could walk her home

and then I think
he went up to her

and said something to her and
then started skating with her

and then started
flirting with her

and then walked her home.

And then they saw each
other for three weeks

before he was shipped
off to Germany.

And then they wrote each other

when he was in Germany
nearly every day.

Sometimes twice a day.

My sisters and I have
over 1000 letters

they wrote to each other.

They were besotted.

"My sweetheart, my
angel, my darling.

"I can't wait to see you.

"I think about you
day and night."

It was endless.

- Mom kept a diary of
every time she got a letter

and every time she mailed one.

There's a photo of
my dad in his uniform

in the barracks in his bedroom

with a picture of
her on the wall

and him acting like a monkey
while he looks at her.

- You know, a handsome
young guy in a uniform.

Dad was probably the
most exciting thing

that had ever happened for her.

- It was like they just
knew they were meant

to be together and there
was no doubt about it.

He proposed through the mail.

- And he actually
sent her engagement
ring through the mail.

- You know, they were very,
they were incredibly young.

Incredibly young and
that all comes out.

And there's some really
fascinating things, too,

of him talking about
albums he was listening to

and playing guitar with
some of his buddies

and seeing a film
about Folsom Prison.

The most heartbreaking thing
is that they had planned

that she would come over and
visit him at Christmastime

and then her father said no.

They were heartbroken.

She didn't speak to
her father for weeks.

That's what I heard.

(film static)
- Viv, I had to fill up

the other side with something.

If you don't like it, you can
just scratch this side off

but it has a meaning, honey.

- He would send
her letters on tape

and I think he sent
her a song or two

that he was working
on or had written.

♪ Am I the one who'll
always hold you ♪

♪ Til the end of time ♪

♪ Or will there
be another lover ♪

♪ To steal a love that's mine ♪

- But the one that
sticks out for me

is that letter that
he sent her on tape.

- [Johnny] Hello, Vivian,
how's my sweetheart?

Yours is all right but he's
lonesome for you as usual.

But then I'm always
lonesome for you, Viv.

This isn't quite the same
as being with you, honey,

but maybe I can tell you
some things I want to.

The most important thing, I
guess, is that I love you.

I do, Vivian, I
love you very much.

It won't be long now, honey,
and we'll be together for life.

We won't be counting the
days much longer, angel.

Just keep those
precious letters coming

until we are, sweetheart.

They mean so much
to me over here

I'll be thinking of you til
we're together again, honey,

and I'll never stop loving you.

As long as I live, I'll
never stop loving you.

I love you, Vivian.

(romantic music)

(pen scratching)

- He got home on July 4th, 1954.

I cannot imagine how
intense that was for them

after thousands of letters

and being separated for so long.

And like, there's a
desperation to be together

and get married and
talking very seductively

about that day in their
letters to each other.

They got married August
7th, 1954 in San Antonio.

(light music)

And I remember my mother
saying how hot that day was.

I mean, you know, San
Antonio can be unbearably hot

in the summer.

He wore his uniform

and she wore a very
elaborate wedding dress

with veil and
sleeves in that heat.

And then they drove to
Memphis for their honeymoon.

I don't know where they
spent their first night

but I remember my
mother telling me

that when they went to
breakfast the next morning

after their wedding night,

she was so embarrassed
and hoped that the people

in the restaurant didn't know
what they had been doing.

And they'd been doing something

'cause I was born nine
months later. (chuckling)

I think they moved to Memphis

because my dad had
an offer of a job

with his brother, Roy.

I wrote a song about that trip.

It goes, "Headlights
on a Texas road.

"Hank Williams on the radio.

"The church wedding,
we spent all we had.

"Now the deal is done
to become Mom and Dad."

So I imagine that they
were making that decision,

you know, for all
of us in the future.

Memphis was not an hour
from where my dad grew up

but I know when they
moved to Memphis,

they didn't have a nickel.

They were so poor.

My mom's sister told me once

that she came after
high school graduation

and that they didn't even
have money for groceries.

That she had to spend
her graduation money

to help buy groceries for them.

My mom told me she
had two dresses

when she was pregnant with me.

That that's the only
thing she could wear

and that she would
sit on the front porch

and eat a dishpan full of
cherry tomatoes every day.

That that's what she craved,
that's what she wanted.

- You know, she said those
were the hardest times

and they were also
the best times.

- She told me that was the
happiest time in her life.

She said that many
times over the years.

She would've traded
it all to go back

to that little
apartment in Memphis.

(somber music)

- My dad went to see
his brother, Roy,

at the car dealership
and he walked

into the mechanic's garage

and Marshall Grant
was working there.

And Marshall always said
that he saw my dad walk in

and the hair on the back
of his neck stood up.

Like, he just knew that they
were going to be together

and create history together.

And my dad said to them,

"Roy says you boys play
a little bit of guitar."

And Marshall said,
"A very little bit."

And then they started
getting together and playing.

Well, my mom became very close
to Marshall's wife, Etta.

They were like sisters.

I always felt good that
she had such a close friend

moving to Memphis not
knowing anyone, no money.

My dad had a job as a
door-to-door salesman.

He was terrible at it.

A classic story is that one
day he knocked on a door

and the woman opened
the door and he said,

"You don't wanna buy a
refrigerator, do you?"

(laughing)

Or he would talk a
customer out of a product

because it was too expensive.

So he didn't do well at that.

- Dad wasn't a salesman except
when it came to himself.

He showed up at Sam
Phillips' door at Sun Records

every day until Sam
listened to him, so.

- You know, my dad's
first record came out

a month after I was born so
then the whole thing started

with him going on the
road and doing shows

and I remember Mom saying
that the first time Dad went

on the road, she was terrified
to be left home alone

with me and that Dad went
around to every window

and every door and make
sure the locks were working,

make sure everything
was locked, you know,

to try to calm my mom's fear

and that he was
very worried too.

Like, this was just unheard
of, somebody to go on tour.

Just completely out
of their knowledge

of the world or upbringing.

I think she would meet
Etta in town in Memphis

to go to the Woolworth's
and have a soda.

Etta always said they just
had so much fun together.

When she went back for
her post-partum check-up

at six weeks after
giving birth to me,

the doctor told her she
was pregnant with Kathy.

And Kathy was born ten months
and 23 days after I was born.

I don't know if my
mom was thrilled.

She probably was
because she always said

she wanted six children.

Or feeling a little
overwhelmed, like,

"How am I gonna deal
with two babies?"

Not like a little kid and
a baby, but two babies.

There's a legendary
story in our family

about her weaning
me off the bottle

before Kathy was born
because she couldn't deal

with having two
babies on the bottle.

And me, when Kathy was born,
toddling into her room,

sticking my hand through the
crib and stealing the bottle

out of Kathy's crib.

I was not ready to be
weaned at 10 months.

- It's time for
Country Style U.S.A,

and here's our
star, Johnny Cash!

(audience cheering)

- And then all of a sudden,

here comes this
huge, huge career.

- This feller's good
looking, isn't he?

- Oh, he's handsome.

- And I imagine he
sings pretty good too.

- [Host] So good that he's
one of the biggest new stars

in country music today.

- He got big enough
where he didn't have

to open for Elvis Presley.

(camera flashing)

- Everything
started snowballing.

It all came pretty fast.

"I Walk the Line"
went up the charts.

It was his first number one.

♪ I keep you on my mind
both day and night ♪

- [Kathy] And that was
his love song to mom.

♪ Because you're mine ♪

♪ I walk the line ♪

(audience applauding)

- We went everywhere as a family

unless Dad was on the
road or rehearsing.

Everything was real
tight, you know.

I remember being really,
really happy in Memphis.

And family was around too.

We had uncles and
aunts, my grandparents.

Grandma and Grandpa Cash had
moved to Memphis by then.

We had a lot of family picnics

and Dad would end up
chasing Mom with ice

to put down her shirt
or shorts or whatever

and it always ended up with
him picking her up like a baby.

A lot of great
memories in Memphis.

I thought her name
was Honey (chuckling)

because that's the only
thing Dad called her.

That and Baby.

I thought Baby was a nickname
and Honey was her name.

And when somebody
called her Vivian,

I just sounded so weird to me.

They were always
very affectionate.

- My mom said that people
were making fun of them

five years after
they were married

because they were still holding
hands everywhere they went.

I just know they
were very in love

in the beginning and
for quite a long time.

- When Marshall and my dad
would come off the road,

they would come to pick
my mom and me and Kathy up

at Etta's house.

And my dad would pick me up
and throw me over his shoulder

and Etta said that I
would pat him on the back

like, already, I knew
it was a hard life.

(film reel whirring)
(light music)

So in 1958 we left Memphis,

moved to Encino, California
in the valley of Los Angeles

and Cindy would have just
been a month or two old maybe.

- I was six weeks old.

And Dad said he didn't
wanna buy a crib

until we got to California
'cause he didn't want

to have to move it.

So I slept in a dresser drawer

and he called me
his rockabilly baby.

(laughing)

- [Announcer] Who do you trust?

Here's the star of our show,

Johnny Carson.
(audience applauding)

- And we bought
Johnny Carson's house

on Hayvenhurst Avenue in Encino.

(camera shutter clicking)
- There was this story

that Johnny's wife had left
a pie in the oven for my mom.

I don't know if that's true,

but I heard that
my whole childhood.

We had moved to
California because my dad

had an offer to be in a film

and his manager, agent thought

that this was the next
career move for my dad

to go into films.

Like Elvis, I guess.

And so the film he
made was one called

"Five Minutes to Live"

which was later retitled
"Door-to-Door Maniac".

You know, I don't think
I've ever seen that film.

They certainly wouldn't have
let us see it as children.

But that didn't really pan out.

My dad wasn't
getting good films.

I don't think he was
necessarily a good actor

but we stayed in Los Angeles.

(water splashing)

(light music)

(water splashing)

- Dad had this
affection for animals

which was great,
we all love animals

but he liked unusual animals

so we had a monkey named Homer,

a parrot named Jethro,

and an Irish Setter
named Penny Cash.

(chuckling)

It was a lot of fun.

If you're a kid, it
was a lot of fun.

I don't know how
that was for Mom,

taking care of a monkey, a
dog, a parrot and three kids

at the time, while
he's on the road

but I'm sure it was
overwhelming at times.

- He brought home
animals all the time.

And Mom would say,
"What did you do now?"

- I remember him
bringing home a crate

of baby chicks one time
and letting them out

in the living room

with my mother being
furious about that.

(parrot squawking)
- I think it was the parrot

that cried just like
Cindy when she was a baby.

And so my mother would
go running in there

and it would be the
parrot crying. (chuckling)

I think she thought, "Well
if we move to California,

"he'll be working
and home every night

"if he's doing TV shows
or a movie or whatever,"

but that wasn't the case.

He was doing luncheons
with the executives

and then the TV shows
and then the road

and he was promoting himself.

- It's so nice to be
back on Town Hall.

It's been about seven months
since we've been here.

And we've been doing a
lot of work since then.

We've been to
Australia, Tasmania,

New Zealand, Alaska,
Piticollac Cove

Where's Piticollac Cove?

♪ You ask me if I'll
miss her kisses ♪

♪ I guess I will every day ♪

♪ I don't like it but I guess
things happen that way ♪

- She had a husband who was
at this point very famous.

Traveling all the time,

no friends there.

In the beginning, no help.

I don't know that she
made any close friends

the entire time that we
lived in Hayvenhurst either.

I remember, I think,
Aunt Sylvia visiting.

- On the corner from our house,

there was a bus stop there,

and she noticed a woman
there every morning

in a uniform, like a
housekeeping uniform.

And she said, "I was
so desperate for help

"that I remember
running to that bus stop

"crying, asking her if
she had any extra time."

(somber music)

- I mean, it had to have
been incredibly difficult.

It had to be hard.

But one of the most
powerful memories I have

of living in that house is the
day these television cameras

came to our house to film

this show called
"Here's Hollywood".

And they interviewed
my mom and dad

and then took pictures
of them in the kitchen

and took pictures here
and filmed the house.

And then I remember we children

had to go out in the
backyard with a keeper

to keep us away while they
talked to my mom and dad alone.

I remember resenting
this so much.

That kind of celebrity
intrusiveness.

I don't know.

Just the beginning of
the Kardashian concept.

I could tell my
mother hated it too.

I remember thinking that
she became very false.

She disappeared
behind this facade

and I remember
thinking, "Where's Mom?

"What is that?"

(somber music)

(camera flashing)

She was not prepared for
the level of notoriety

and public attention she got.

She somehow metabolized
that as humiliation.

- You see how easy it
is to keep a man happy?

- [Fred] They sure work
hard, don't they, Barney?

- How's the missus?

- Just fine.

I think she's here tonight.
- Is she here tonight?

We'll have some
dinner after while.

(audience laughing)

- So my dad and
mom became friends

with Curly and Carol Lewis.

And Curly was a contractor.

So he got it in his head

to build this house
Curly was going to design

in Casitas Springs.

Now, Casitas Springs was halfway

between Ojai and Ventura.

And it was in this little,

it was this village,
practically,

this tiny little stop
in the road that you...

The road to Ojai went here.

If you just curved off and
then back on the main road,

this was Casitas Springs.

It was just one road through it

with some poor houses.

You know, it was some
lower-middle-class
houses down here.

Well he was gonna build
this house on this mountain

above this town.

Like this big house overlooking
these very basic dwellings.

I mean, that in
itself is so weird.

It didn't make sense.

The house was
completely out of place.

So isolated, no amenities.

Crazy.

- I think they were both
really excited about it.

They were gonna build
their own house.

I mean, they were in their 20s?

Building their own house?

- Long, long,
long, long driveway

leading up to the house.

A ravine on one side.

Dangerous.

Rattlesnakes everywhere.

- I remember my first
memory is standing

in front of that house
while it was being built

and I was standing
next to my mother

and she was holding my hand

and her belly was out
to here with Tara.

- Right before we were getting
ready to move to Casitas,

Mom went into labor with Tara.

- My mom had epic
stories about childbirth.

So much so that I was
absolutely terrified

at the idea of giving birth.

Awful stories about my dad not
being able to be in with her

and them giving her a
washcloth to chew on.

Then them knocking her out
right at the moment of birth

which is the most awful thing
they used to do to women.

It's like, you go through labor

and work, and work,
and work, and work

and right at the moment
you're about to give birth

they knock you out.

And then you wake up in
your room with some baby

and they go, "This is
your baby." (laughing)

I just can't even imagine.

With Tara, you know, this story,

this awful childbirth story
took on epic proportions.

- You know, my mom
always used to say,

"They strapped me down
and left the room,"

and it was horrid for her.

It was really bad.

- It was 16 hours
and she always said,

"And it was a dry birth."

Never knew what that meant.

Like, the amniotic fluid
that had broken earlier?

But that happens to
almost everyone, you know?

I still don't know
what that means

but she said it was so difficult

that immediately
after giving birth,

she was crying and she
turned to my dad and said,

"I don't want any more babies."

Poor Tara.

- Mom was in the hospital
for three or four days.

We moved two weeks
later to Casitas.

So here Mom's got four children

all under the age of six.

A brand new house
to take care of

and they've just moved in.

And I believe Dad
went on the road.

- Welcome back to Nashville too.

- Well, nice to be back
with all our friends again.

Got a tour of the South.

- A tour of the whole South.

- Yes.
- Wonderful.

- It didn't dawn on me then
but much later, you know,

in my 30s, I started thinking,

"Why would he put us in
such an isolated place

"when he was already on
the road all the time?"

You know, he had this idea
of his rustic hideaway castle

but he wasn't there that much.

- I remember when we moved
in, the entire yard was dirt.

I remember her
planting rose bushes.

She had a cactus
garden eventually

but I don't know
how she unpacked

and set up house all by herself.

It just seems like an
impossible task for one person.

- It was scary for her.

Up on a mountain top in
the middle of nowhere

with a bunch of rattlesnakes,
scorpions and tarantulas.

- My mom was a really good shot.

Dad had taught her how to shoot

so she took care of more
than one rattlesnake.

- I remember all of us standing
behind my mother's skirt

while she shot a seven
foot rattlesnake 15 times.

That was really scary

'cause that thing
would not quit crawling

and it was spread out in
front of our whole garage door

from one end to the other.

I know that's why she
had live-in maids.

She didn't have live-in maids

'cause she wanted live-in maids.

She had 'em because she
wanted another adult there.

- We had bobcats.

We had fans wanting to
party on our front yard

hoping Dad would come out
and listen to their songs.

- People would drive up
there to find Johnny Cash.

Sometimes one o'clock
in the morning.

And my mother was terrified.

I remember once, she
went to the door.

Somebody was
knocking on the door

and she looked out through
the glass on the side

and said, "It's some
old drunk," you know,

and she wouldn't open the door.

That happened all the time.

But he did stay away
for long periods

and it was heartbreaking and
it was really hard for my mom.

And then one day he came
back and he wasn't him.

When he got on drugs.

Like, that is
seared in my memory.

And he, before that, had
always been so affectionate

and so present with me
and I felt his love.

And he came in the
house and he was gone.

(shutter clicks)

It's like, "Where's Dad?"

It was traumatic.

- I don't remember anything bad.

My mom just kept us
protected from all that.

I didn't even know
my dad was famous.

I saw him on a show
called "The Rebel"

and he gets killed, a guy
hits him over the head

with a whiskey
bottle and kills him.

I thought it was
real and he was dead

and I was hysterical.

I was four.

My mom said she had to
call all over the place

to get my dad on the phone

to make me realize
he wasn't dead.

- I think after I was born,
things got really difficult

between my mom and dad.

He was on drugs a lot and
so when he would come home,

it would be a week or two later

than he said he was gonna be.

- I remember her letting me
stay up and wait for my dad

to come home one night.

There was a window, you could
look down the long driveway

and you could see the
bottom where the road

came up to our house.

So if you saw a car come
onto the Casitas road,

that could be Dad.

If you saw a car come
onto the Casitas road

and turn into our
driveway, that was Dad.

So a few came onto
the Casitas road

and we got excited every time

but it never turned.

Never turned.

I think she sent me to bed
at one or two in the morning

and he hadn't come.

But then the next day he came

and of course then they fought

because she used
that against him.

"I let Rosanne stay
up, you never came."

(sighs)

- When they built the house,
they loved to have barbecues

so they built this barbecue pit.

- [Rosanne] Yeah, my mom
was a wonderful hostess.

Generous, laughing,

very social.

- Dad was good at
bringing home animals.

Just random animals.

So he brought home a
little black goat one time.

And we thought that was our
pet so it was Billy, the goat

and it stayed in the backyard.

We played with it
for about a month

and all of a sudden, all
we got to hearing about

was this barbecue
and who was invited.

And come to find out,
this was Billy's barbecue.

I was furious.

This was a pet I played with.

Well, Dad was from the country

and you know, you didn't
get attached to barbecue.

So Tex Ritter came,
I remember him.

I remember Patsy
Cline being there.

I remember June
Carter being there.

I remember my mom and my
grandmother being kind of upset

after it was over and the
next day or something,

I remember my
grandmother warning Mom

about her a little bit.

(light music)

- [Johnny] Thank you very much.

Nice to be back in Hollywood.

- So my dad was playing
the Hollywood Bowl.

1963 so I would have
been eight years old.

June was on the show.

- We had not seen Dad in a while

and so we got all dressed up.

- My mom was wearing
a white coat.

We went backstage after the show

and I felt very awkward.

Even though it was my dad,

he felt very separate
at this point.

And June was rude to my mother.

She said something
like, you know,

"Is that dirt on
your coat, Vivian?"

I don't know, there was
this friction between them.

- I was standing there with
my mom and grandma Cash

and sisters and I remember
June sliding in the back seat

of the limo with Dad and
waving at us and saying,

"Bye girls, bye Vivian."

And I remember thinking,
"That was odd."

- It seemed kind of clear to me

in this unconscious way,
but I felt it very clearly

that my dad had moved off.

That we were separate.

(dramatic music)

- Dad had left a long
time ago in his head

and I think he just...

He was trying to figure out
how to manage leaving for good

because he just kept
going longer and longer

without coming home.

And I remember a whole year
that he didn't come home.

- I don't remember my dad
being gone for a year.

I mean, I'm sure it
seemed like a year

but he would not have
stayed away for a year

and sometimes he would
disappear at the end of a tour

and nobody knew where he was

but eventually he always
checked in and came home.

But then he and
my mom would fight

the whole time he was home

so he wouldn't wanna
come home and fight.

- I know they were so
different, you know.

My mother was, she wasn't
a real quiet little thing.

If she was mad you knew it.

And Dad could not
stand conflict.

Arguing.

- I remember our
birthdays came and went.

And Mom and Dad's
anniversary came and went.

And I remember
Christmas came and went.

And he showed up
sometime after Christmas.

I remember being
furious with him

and wondering, you
know, just kept saying,

"Where have you been?"

- Seems like I remember Dad
sleeping in the guest house.

One time I remember he came home

and he had a suitcase
full of money.

He had been paid in
cash for an entire tour

and he and my mom laid
the money out on their bed

and I remember my parents
being very serious

and getting along.

It was very odd.

They were getting along

because they were counting
their money together.

(laughing)

Oh my god.

- I don't get to
see you very often.

Every time I see you, I
enjoy your work very much.

- Thank you.

Proud to be with you.

- You're looking well.

- I'm feeling fine.

- It was dire.

He was on drugs, he was 130,
40 pounds, six feet two.

There was just
something horribly wrong

but nobody told us what it was.

(light music)
(bowling ball rolling)

(bowling pins clattering)

My mom disappeared into her
rage about my dad being gone.

And then about him being
with June and her knowing it.

And into her fear that
she was gonna lose him

and anxiety and her resentment.

- Well, Mom weighed
95, 97 pounds the
whole time I was a kid

so when she got upset,
she lost even more weight.

She just didn't eat.

She cried a lot and
she didn't sleep much

and you know, she was
smoking herself to death.

I mean, she didn't even
know how to find him

to talk to him about it.
(audience applauding)

- There were many times, if
I would like have a nightmare

or wake up in the middle of
the night for some reason,

and go into my mom's room,
she wouldn't be in there

and I would go into the den
and all the lights would be off

except for one little
reading lamp over her chair

and she would be on the
phone with my Aunt Sylvia,

her sister, crying.

That's the only
thing I remember.

I think she was just doing
the best that she could

but probably crumbling
inside at the same time.

But I think she was
super, super strong.

- I know she was a very
strong woman, always,

and so she just, she just
did the best she could.

- My sisters would
tend to protect her

and to hold a very
particular picture of my mom.

And also, I experienced
the brunt of a lot of it.

I mean, honestly, I would
come home from school

with the most intense
knot in my stomach

wondering if my mom
was gonna be alive.

And I remember if the
dry cleaning was there

or the carpets had been cleaned

and like, she had, there
was the paper on the carpets

to walk on while it
was still drying,

I remember feeling this
sense of relief, like,

"Well, if she got
the carpets cleaned,

"she's not gonna kill
herself right now."

I had this knot in my stomach
every day of my childhood.

Every single day.

She was enraged, she was
frightened, she was anxious.

She was grief stricken.

Had violent outbursts.

Never knew when that
was gonna happen.

There was a sense of a
lack of safety in my house

and chaos.

So no parenting and
this constant fear

that one of 'em was gonna die.

I'm not saying this out
of self pity, you know,

I'm saying it looking back
from decades on and going,

"That was fucked up."

Like, that's not how
children should be raised.

(film reel whirring)

So I did take on a more
adult role with the kids,

my sisters, and acted
like little mother.

They called me Little Mother.

I was always mothering them.

Particularly Tara.

And Kathy.

I was always very
protective of Kathy.

When we were in Casitas,

we went to Academy
of Saint Catherine,

we took the bus there

and I was so worried about Kathy

the whole time I was in class
for the first few months.

And Kathy didn't do well.

She did not wanna
be away from my mom.

You know, and then
there came this point

where Kathy almost died.

And she got a bacterial disease

and it was impossible
to diagnose

and they sent her blood
around the country

trying to diagnose her.

She had this fever of
like 106 or something.

She was in the isolation
ward of the hospital.

And my dad came home.

That got him home.

- It took her two or three days

to even get a message to him.

The only way she knew
to get a hold of him

was to call someone in the band

or someone that, you know, she
thought he was working with.

- There was still an element

of resentment of my dad in that.

Like, "This is what it
takes to get you home?"

And they packed Kathy in
ice to bring her fever down

and it was just horrific.

They sent me to my
grandma and grandpa Cash's

who lived not far down the road.

I remember sitting
in the bathtub

at my grandparent's house
praying with all my might

that Kathy wouldn't die.

And I always felt
guilty about it too.

I was constitutionally
stronger than Kathy

and I thought maybe I,

it was because she was
born so soon after I was.

Maybe I took everything
good from my mom

and Kathy didn't get it.

I don't know.

I had guilt about that.

(piano riffing)
- I found out

about three years ago

that during that year,
he was living in Soho

or The Village or
something with Bob Dylan,

hanging out with Bob Dylan.

Thanks!

(laughing)

(suspenseful music)

(cameras flashing)

Dad got arrested in El Paso.

He had gone to Mexico
to buy amphetamines

and I guess barbiturates,
I don't know.

He got arrested with
pills in his guitar case.

(plane engine humming)
So Mom went to El Paso

to the courthouse with him.

(cameras flashing)

Coming out of the courthouse,

somebody that works for
the newspaper took a photo

and Mom had on all black,
her hair is all black,

and she turned out
darker than Dad.

- [Rosanne] There was this
rumor that my mother was black

and then that my father
had married a black woman.

And in the south in the 60s,

that was just, it
was beyond, you know,

that just didn't happen.

(camera flashing)
It was kind of a big deal

at the time.

(suspenseful music)

- She didn't talk about
that very much to me.

And I think it was a very
painful experience for her.

There was a lot of
negativity around it.

And it was portrayed as
a very negative thing

and the KKK was out
to get my father

and prove that he was
married to a black woman.

- I remember Mom getting
something in the mail

at the post office in Casitas
that really shook her up.

I remember it was
a really dark time.

Just everything was dark.

(somber music)

- And it actually
scared her a lot

and she projected a lot of
that fear on the kids as well.

You know, it's like
she didn't want us

to play too far away
from the house, or.

- She was scared to death
the KKK was coming for her

and that Dad would
be on the road

and she had no idea what to do.

Everyone knew where we lived.

I mean, people showed up from
all over the United States

in our front yard.

- We, I mean, what,
they were gonna kill us?

She said, "Yes."

She said, "I was afraid to
let you girls outta my sight."

We also found all the
letters that people had

to write, proving
she was Caucasian

so that he could be
booked in the South again.

Yes.

(typewriter keys clacking)

(typewriter bell dinging)
(suspenseful music)

(pen scratching)

(typewriter keys clacking)

(typewriter bell dinging)

They had to go to
court to prove it

'cause they had
canceled every concert.

- I remember being in
the back seat of the car,

driving to court and my
mom was in the front seat

and she just had this
running commentary

just, at my dad.

"Look at all those
people looking at us.

"How does that make you
feel with kids in the car?"

She almost couldn't process it.

It played into her
very deepest wounds

that were already
there from childhood.

So it made it doubly difficult.

(ominous music)

- Mom didn't sleep.

She stood in this big
picture window we had

in our living room that
overlooked the front yard

and the driveway and she
would stand in the dark

in that window where
she could look out

but they couldn't see in.

And she always had a cup of
coffee and her cigarettes

and the gun was real close by.

And she was standing guard
while we were in bed asleep.

She didn't sleep
much for many years.

It was really, it really
took a toll on her.

- You know, it was inappropriate
for her to tell me this

but she said, "Doctor Hall,"
who was our family physician,

"Told me that if I didn't
get myself together,

"somebody else was gonna
be raising my kids."

And she said, "And
that's when I tried

"to start turning things around

"and not being suicidal
and so distracted."

- So she filed for divorce
thinking it might shock him

into coming home.

She actually did that
thinking he would come

to his senses and come home.

And it backfired on her.

She filed for divorce
and he let it go through.

- I remember going in, I
remember the room we went into

and everything, and I
remember her saying,

"I have something I
need to tell you."

And I said, "What?"

- She set Rosanne and
I down and told us

that she had filed for
a divorce and I said,

"Well, what does that mean?"

And she said, "Well,
the only thing

"that's gonna be different
is your daddy's clothes

"won't be in the closet."

- I said, "Oh, okay,
well that's okay.

"I don't care
about his clothes."

You know?

- I think my older sisters
have more clear memories

of how it actually was happening

but I was probably
outside playing

and making up songs
and not really aware

of the tragedy
that was unfolding

between my parents' marriage
and my dad's drug addiction.

Dad was always gone
on the road anyway,

so it didn't really
change things for us.

- I don't have a clear
memory of my mom telling us

about getting the divorce.

I have a vague memory of it.

The main memory I have is relief

that they were
gonna get divorced.

I remember thinking,
even at 12, you know,

(sighs) "Maybe both of
them will be happy now."

Divorce isn't always bad.

- Well, when he first moved out,

he moved in with
Waylon in an apartment

in Madison, Tennessee

and Waylon had a $1000
a day cocaine habit

and Dad was popping pills
and there was no way

in hell my mother was
gonna let us come and stay

with him in that apartment.

So Dad got in his car,
started driving around

and he came upon the
house on the lake

and just the frame was up.

And he parked the car
and got out and said,

"Who's in charge here?"

And they said, "Braxton Dixon"
and Dad walked over to him

and he said, "I
want this house."

And Braxton said, "I'm
building it for my family,"

and he said, "I'll
give you double."

So Dad bought it
and called my mom

and she said, "When the house
is finished being built,

"they can come."

(light music)

- My grandparents,
my aunt, my uncle,

everybody in Mom's
family found out

about the divorce by
reading it in the paper.

- I know she left town when
it came out in the paper.

She took us girls
and we went somewhere

because my mother was very
private and had, I think,

some shame around the
experience of having to go

through the divorce.

And I also think it was really
a very sad, sad time for her.

So that's how she dealt with it.

- By then, the Lewises
had moved to Oregon.

She took us to
Oregon to visit them.

Just the four of us girls and
we would do things like that

but you could tell she
was just really sad.

Her heart was broken.

- Her father was still alive.

It just was not acceptable.

It was a mortal sin.

You would go to hell.

I remember her fearing her
father's judgment a lot.

And she got it.

And yet she stayed Catholic.

She went to Mass every Sunday.

She sat in the front row.

She worked at the church
with the Ladies' Guild.

She did bake sales, she
did all kinds of stuff.

Involved herself in the church.

She made friends with
the priests and nuns.

But she couldn't take communion

because she was divorced
and she was excommunicated.

Divorce was cause for
excommunication then.

And that's when I wanted to
leave the Catholic Church.

I thought, "You have
this woman who is devout,

"who buys into everything
you're selling.

"You know, she's
buying everything

"and showing up in
every possible way

"and you won't let
her receive communion?

"That's just wrong."

- So my dad, knowing how much
her Catholicism meant to her,

wrote a letter to the
archdiocese and said,

"This divorce happened
all because of me

"and it's not her fault."

And they pardoned her

and she was able to
receive communion again.

- You know, you got a choice,

you can either keep
going or lay down and die

and she just kept going.

And, uh...

I don't know.

I don't know how she did it.

She just did.

- Well again, from a six or
seven year old standpoint,

you know, we're
looking for new houses

and we're looking at
really awesome houses

and I remember some
of them very well

but then when we found our house

with the indoor swimming
pool and the view.

That was pretty exciting.

(electric camera whirring)

This house was a new, fresh
start in a better location,

more people around and
it just felt really good.

You know, sad that we're moving
because there's a divorce

but my mother remarried
really quickly after.

- My dad was doing a benefit

for the Boys' Club in Ventura

and Dick was one of the
police officers signed

for security and
she met him then.

And then as my parents'
split became real,

she gravitated to Dick.

There was safety there.

Dick was married.

He left his wife and they
got married very shortly

after my parents'
divorce was final.

- I wasn't real thrilled
about the remarrying part

because I wasn't crazy
about him, to be honest.

And my mother said, all
she kept thinking about

is that she knew Dad
was gonna marry June

and she needed to get remarried
before he married June.

I don't know why
she felt that way.

I never understood that.

And I never understood why
she chose who she chose.

It's still a mystery to me.

- But it was an unspoken bargain

because my mom
could not be alone.

She had to be married.

Dick knew what he
was buying into.

That there were gonna
be a lot of perks.

He got sports cars and toys

and could do what he want.

He became a private
detective for a short time,

then a travel agent,
then you know,

and then eventually
retired from everything.

And my mom really ran the show.

She ran everything.

And he just bought into it.

It was a bargain.

- I think she was
happy as she could be.

She joined the garden club,
she joined a bowling league.

- She would go to line dancing

and she would go to
some country-western bar

with my stepfather
and they would dance.

I remember her always saying,

"You girls should
learn how to dance.

"You really should
learn how to dance."

And I remember thinking,
"Why is that so important?"

(laughing)

But she loved it.

She really did.

- She created a life that
made sense for herself.

And that was very beautiful.

It really served her.

Her friends, her domestic
skills, her paintings,

her making of her
own stationary.

All of those things
were beautiful

and kind of spread out from,
I think, who she really was.

- Every time there was an event.

"Oh, I'll have it."

You know, she always
had the parties

and the get-togethers
and the baby showers

and the, you know.

Mom's whole key to everything
was staying very busy.

She told me a few times, "If
I stay busy, I don't think."

And I thought, "But
sometimes you need to think."

You know, think things
through and she said,

"No, I don't, I don't.

"I just do better if I don't
think about certain things."

(upbeat music)
(audience applauding)

- [Johnny] I thank
you very much.

- After their divorce,
they saw her as nothing.

As the woman he had to
leave in order to be saved.

In order to be
rehabilitated, you know,

and move into this great
mythic love story with June.

- My wife, June Carter.

(audience applauding)
Hi, honey.

How are you doing?

- And the myth was huge.

June was the one who
saved him from drugs.

The Johnny and June show
was very big, you know,

it was, like I
said, it was mythic.

So my mother faded into a
kind of negative obscurity.

(typewriter keys clacking)
(light music)

(typewriter bell dinging)

(typewriter keys clacking)

(typewriter bell dinging)

(typewriter keys clacking)

(camera flashing)

- I wanna introduce to
you, the man in my life,

as husband, lover and the
father of the children,

seven of them, by the way.

When June would be on
an interview with Dad,

she would say we have
seven kids and I'm tired

and things like that.

We were only spending the
summers and a week at Christmas

with Dad and June, so
that would really hurt Mom

because she was raising
all four of us by herself.

- When I was like 21, I was
a tour guide in Dad's museum.

Do you know what was the
biggest question I got asked

about my mother?

"How long has your
real mother been dead?"

- I had a, I had...

I'm covered up with daughters,

I have six daughters, you see.

He had four daughters and
that gave me six daughters

and then we had a little
boy, and that gave us seven

and I'm tired.

(laughing)

- [Tara] I think, you know,
it was just really difficult

for her to have my
father's new wife

claiming her kids.

- She had no voice.

She had no way to
communicate to the public.

And she'd always say, "I'm
gonna write a book one day,

"you just wait." (chuckling)

- Tara, where are you, baby?
- You know, June

had the platform of the
public eye and being able

to say, you know,
"These are our kids."

And my mother didn't
have that platform.

And she was doing so
much work raising us

that she didn't feel that
people were seeing her

and that was important
to her to feel seen.

And for people to
recognize her role.

- I also found a
letter she wrote to him

after she died that
she never mailed

and it was like, "Dear
Johnny, I have never, ever

"asked you for one thing
since we've been divorced.

"We've been divorced now,"

I think they'd been
divorced 15 years,

"But I have one thing that
I feel very strongly about

"and I have a favor to ask you.

"Will you please ask your wife

"to stop calling my
daughters her children?"

(sighs)

(sniffles)

"You know how much
they mean to me.

"I would think you could at
least give me this much."

It's really sad.

It really broke her heart
that he allowed that.

It was just, it was really,

when I found that
letter, I thought,

"Why didn't she mail this?"

I wish she woulda mailed it.

'Cause he probably
woulda done it.

He probably woulda
asked her not to do it.

(film projector whirring)

- It may have been what
happened in Casitas

that led to her wanting to
have alarms on everything.

Her house eventually became

like living in an
emergency room.

She had bells attached
to everything.

To drawers that opened,
to the front door,

to the door to the laundry room,

to the garage door,
to her washer-dryer,

to her dishwasher.

There were bells going off
in her house all the time.

I remember being so
exhausted every time I came

to my mother's house, I'd
have to go in the other room

and just close my eyes

and she would gasp at
everything, you know.

If the bell went
off, that someone had
come up the driveway,

"(gasps) Who's that?"

It was constant.

And she had the TV, the
radio going all the time,

sometimes at the same time.

- Ladies and gentlemen,
my daughter, Rosanne Cash.

(audience applauding)

- She was proud of me but
she was also suspicious.

She had seen what a life
of fame and traveling

and you know, what the
music industry was like

and what happened to my dad.

And so she thought that
you become a musician

and you get divorced
and you get on drugs

and you leave your kids.

- Aren't you out running around
on the road all the time?

- Well, I mean, I go out
and I come back a little bit

or I take them with me.

I'm a full time mother.

No, I wasn't gonna
abandon my children.

I wasn't gonna
become a drug addict.

I wasn't, well, I did
get divorced, but it was,

you know, it wasn't out
of that kind of acrimony.

And she would say, "You're
just like your dad.

"You're just like your dad."

And it wasn't with any
affection, believe me.

She was tough, you know.

It was hard to get
her unmitigated
approval about things.

"Why did you wear white
shoes with a black suit?"

And, "What are you gonna
do about your hair?"

And, "Why don't you start
wearing makeup properly?"

You know?

All of those things were
so important to her.

- That's right.

Now, let's talk about your hair.

(audience laughing)

This is a beautiful photograph.

You're a lovely woman, I
don't need to tell you that.

- I remember the
first time I was

on the David Letterman show,
it was on my 30th birthday

and I thought I did really well.

And I was proud of myself
and I thought to myself,

"I'm gonna call and get my
mother's approval for once."

Like, just straight on,
not held back approval.

And I called up, I
said, "Did you see me?"

And she said, "Who
was that person?

"I didn't even
recognize that person."

(dial tone humming)
I was shocked.

You know, my mom could
be really funny too.

Like unintentionally funny.

I remember we went to see
"Broadcast News" together

and there was this scene
when Holly Hunter goes

into the room with Albert Brooks

and he reveals that he's
actually in love with her

and it's this very intense scene

and like at the height
of the intensity,

my mom turned to me and said,

"Where's her purse?"

(light music)

Hey, I noticed since I
brought the camera out,

mom disappeared.

Oh, here she comes.

- And introducing,

Vivian Distin.

She didn't laugh as easy
as she used to, you know.

She took herself too
seriously sometimes

but you had to lighten her up

and she'd get to giggling.

- She was a very,
very vibrant woman

but I could see the pain.

But then I brought it up to her,

and she just kinda got
closed-mouthed about it

and just wouldn't wanna
talk about it, you know.

Which is her way of saying,
"That's too painful.

"I'm not going there."

- I'm not here to pry
into your personal life.

- My personal life
is an open book.

- [Columbo] Yes, sir.

- I remember it was
no problem for her

to turn the TV on
and watch his shows.

Which always was a
little odd to me.

It was a little strange to me.

Like, she's okay with still
embracing him in our lives

and as the years
went on, I realized

that she still carried
a very big torch for him

and always loved him.

- It was very obvious.

She died still loving
him with all her heart.

- She just said she
had never loved anybody

like she loved him and she
had never gotten over him.

- No, my mom never fell
out of love with my dad.

I remember as a
teenager, walking into
the bathroom one day

and said, "You're still in
love with Dad, aren't you?"

And she would not look at
me and would not answer me.

- She loved him til
the day she died.

And Dick always knew that
too which was interesting.

He was always the specter,

my dad was the specter
in their marriage.

We weren't a family
where you disappeared.

You stayed connected
even though some of it

was destructive or hard,
we stayed connected.

(camera flashing)
(light music)

- You know, I have to say,

my mother was a better
grandmother than she was mother.

And she became a
good mother later on,

particularly to Tara.

And she loved us fiercely and
would defend us against anyone

but she really came to life
with her grandchildren.

(light music)

- She had an 800 number so they
would call her all the time.

And it was 1-800-O-VIVIAN.

'Cause back then, you had to pay

for long distance phone calls.

And none of her grandchildren
ever had any money, so.

(chuckling)

- When my husband and I moved
back to Ojai, California,

my mom was living in Ventura,

which is only like
20 minutes away

so we got to see her a lot

and so she watched
my kids when we went

out on a date or something.

And she spoiled them.

She loved them to death.

And I think she would
have loved to have all

of her grandkids
around all the time

because she just really
enjoyed being a grandmother.

- [Man] Who are you talking to?

- Grandma.

- I went to her
50th class reunion

and I knew it was a big deal

and so I met her in San Antonio.

There was this lunch
for all the ladies

who were, at this
time, 68 years old.

And so all of the women
went around the table

and told about their
lives and every woman said

how long she'd been married
and how many kids she had.

So it came to my
mom, and she said,

"I've been married,"

and then she gave the
total, whatever it was,

of both husbands, but
then she admitted,

"Well then, that's
two husbands."

(chuckling)

Because it was a Catholic
school, you know.

They didn't believe in divorce.

I felt bad for her.

(light music)

(pen scratching)

When she was writing
her book late in life,

she said, "There are things
you kids don't even know.

"That's why I wanna
write the book."

And I said, "Why would
you tell us that way?

"Why don't you tell us
instead of writing a book

"about the things
you want us to know?"

She had no answer for that.

- Going through all the
memories as she was writing it,

it was very cathartic for her.

She said it was her therapy.

That she had never shared
any of these things

with anyone because
she felt like that

would have been betraying Dad
or betraying their marriage.

So she actually went
to Tennessee to get
Dad's permission

to even publish the book.

(light music)

June passed on May 15th,

so Dad had been alone
a couple of months

and Dad was in a
wheelchair at that point.

And I pushed him out into
the bedroom to see Mom.

It was cute.

She blushed and hugged him

and he kinda grinned
and blushed a little bit

and they made small talk
and then it ended up

being a really
good conversation.

They had about an
hour and a half talk

and Mom asked him how he felt
about her publishing a book.

That she had worked on
one and had told her story

and he said, "Well, of all
the people on the planet

"that should tell
their story, Vivian,

"I think it should be you."

That thrilled her

and made her feel
really good to know

that he was okay with that.

- She was always elated
if she had some time

to spend with my dad.

She just really
enjoyed being with him

and seeing him.

He meant a lot to her.

- Rosanne was the
only one not there.

And we have a picture of
Mom, Dad, Kathy, Tara and me

and I hate Rosanne wasn't there

'cause it would have
been our family again.

(light music)

- These were Mom's skates
that she was wearing

when she met Dad.

She kept anything and everything

that had a memory attached
that had to do with Dad.

- There was this giant,
red suitcase in our house

and I remember her opening
it a couple of times

and just being overwhelmed

by how many letters
there were in there.

She saved every one of 'em.

And so she had 'em in
chronological order.

She could read, you know,
their responses to one another

and it was really
quite something that

she saved all of those.

(light music)

- Johnny Cash is dead
at the age of 71.

- [Reporter] While fans
mourn, the son and daughter

of Johnny Cash prepare to send
their father into the ages.

- While you probably may
not be able to see it,

the flag is at half staff here

at the Country Music
- We'll talk about the

- Hall of Fame.
- Greatness of Johnny Cash.

- Some generations
of country listeners

are indeed mourning
his death today.

- [Reporter] It's a sad
night overall in Music City.

- Mom called me every
morning after Dad died.

The first time she
called, she said,

"Even though I didn't see him
or talk to him very often,

"just knowing he was on
the planet was enough.

"But now that he's not, I
don't know if I wanna be here."

- [Tara] To experience
such a loss like that

and have the whole world see it,

i think that was
really hard for her.

Really, really hard.

- A couple of months
after Dad died,

and enormous memorial tribute
was planned for the Ryman.

Everybody was there, from
Tim Robbins, Sheryl Crow,

Willie Nelson, just
an enormous line up.

(audience applauding)
Mom wrote in her book

that people of the
Nashville mind-set

preferred that she be
written out of Dad's history

and that was pretty
clear that day.

- [Announcer] He was a
husband to his beloved June,

he was a father to
a flock of children.

- Your mom also,
Miss June Carter Cash

made me proud to be an American.

- They married with six
beautiful daughters between 'em.

John's battles with his demons

would have ended a
lesser love story.

- Mom sat through all of that.

I don't really know
how she did it.

(audience applauding)

- Please welcome Rodney Crowell.

(audience applauding)
- Thank you.

I wanna send this
song to Vivian Distin.

Blessed Vivian, the
grandmother of my daughters

and a woman I admire very much.

(suspenseful music)

- [Ann] It's not okay
if they move forward

with the movie and just,
if what they produce

is anything like that
script, you know,

it's gonna be devastating.

You know, devastating to Vivian.

I mean, that's just not fair.

She's been through too much.

(ominous music)

- She hadn't been feeling
good for three or four months.

She was having trouble breathing

and she said, "I keep
dreaming about your dad.

"He's sitting in a
chair in my bedroom

"and he just keeps
going like this."

- (sighs) Well, my
mom was diagnosed

with lung cancer the
day before her birthday.

Her 71st birthday.

But it was treatable.

So I flew out and I went
to her first consultation

after the diagnosis
with the surgeon.

He was showing her the slides

and showing her what
it was and where it was

and the kind it was.

- Then the doctor said, "I've
done 3,500 of these surgeries.

"Never lost a patient.

"It's the easiest
lung cancer to have.

"It's contained, it's
just one little spot.

"We'll take it
out, no big deal."

- So we all felt pretty
calm that it was treatable.

- We decided as a
family to take turns

to go one at a
time to be with her

and I volunteered to be
the first person to go.

So she went in the
hospital, I don't know,

around May 19th.

- All of a sudden we get a call.

"Everything went great.

"Your mom's doing great.

"It was very small, we got it.

"She'll be going home tomorrow."

- Then I went in to see her
and she didn't look good.

I thought, "Something's
not right."

She was very, very bloated.

- Two hours later
the phone rings.

"You need to get on a plane."

- She had edema that
kept getting worse.

She had swelling, her lungs
were filling with fluid

and they were going
to have to put her

in an induced coma in order to
treat her and bring it down.

- When I left, she was
in ICU and I kissed her

and she said, "One more,"
as I was walking away

and I said, "One more what?"

And she said, "Kiss."

And so I went back and I
kissed her on the forehead.

- Then they put her in a coma.

So I'm staying in
touch with the nurse.

Calling, you know,
a couple times a day

to find out how it's going.

On about the 21st, he said,

"She's just not doing well."

And I said, like I didn't
know how serious it was,

I said, "Should I
come out there?"

He said, "If it was
my mom, I'd come out."

And so I went out
there on the 21st.

22nd we really knew
she was gonna die.

And my birthday is May 24th

and I thought, "She
can't die on my birthday.

"She just can't do it."

And then she died
on my birthday.

(somber music)

I was in the room when she died.

And I was standing at
the foot of the bed.

And I saw her

leave her body.

And I saw her

become a child.

She was only about
four or five years old

and she started laughing.

She was so happy.

And it was a comfort, you know.

Like, wow.

She's really free.

Like all of that
torment she suffered

from losing my dad, from the
various humiliations she had

and grief, just grief,

and the resentment,
all of it, you know.

It's like, phew, man,
taking off a suit of armor

and becoming a child again.

You know, and then
we found out later

it was a medical error.

She shouldn't have died.

They had given her too much
fluid in the operating room.

Too much intravenous fluid.

- I was in shock.

I really was.

I think I really
went into shock.

I remember getting really
upset about something

and Rosanne took me
outside and said,

"Cindy, you need to calm down."

And I said, "It's my mother!

"I can't lose my mother."

- [Photographer]
Joaquin, up top please.

- And then the movie
about my dad came out

later that year in the
fall and I thought,

"Damn, she wanted to get out
before that movie came out.

"She couldn't have taken it."

It just would have killed her,

that kind of notoriety and...

Well, it did kill her.

She wanted to leave
before it came out.

I knew that.

And, you know, kindly,
they showed us the film

before it came out and
then I left for Paris.

It's like, I don't wanna
be around for this.

- Unfortunately the book
didn't get any press.

Most anyone I've talked to
never even knew she wrote it.

And that's really sad to me.

I wish that we could
do something and make
her come to life.

And you guys doing this is just,

it makes me so happy.

- I have a lot of cherished
memories with my mom.

- You know, she
was a great friend.

She loved fiercely.

She was very disciplined.

I got a ton of my
discipline from her.

She was tenacious
and she was creative.

- She did a little
bit of everything.

Anything that was creative,
she tried it or did it.

You know, as long as
she was doing something

where she felt useful,
that was important to her.

- She was an amazing woman

with so many talents and
such a thirst for life.

And you know,

I think that's what
pulled her through

all of the hard things
that she had to go through.

- I don't think the
music had anything

to do with it, really.

I think the fast life
and pace in California,

when we moved to California,

all the problems
really started, and...

I think everybody's
aware of what problems.

The pills and from there

it was downhill.

But the first few years, we
had a very good relationship.

And I'm happy about that
because all the children

hopefully have
some good memories.

(chuckling)

(light music)

(suspenseful music)