Original subtitles

SAM: 'When you own

'you have to make

'and hundreds of thousands of pounds

'But that's nothing compared to

'because this isn't about money.

'It's about my life.

'And it all started last week,

'with a kiss,

'something divorced people

'That's Juliet, by the way,

'It's an odd feeling,

'All that history,

'and sometimes you still feel like

Thank you. I was wondering

Sorry, tonight's a bit manic.

'Tonight, Claridge's,

I'd love to, but I've got

Fair enough.

Come on.

Where are we going?

You'll see.

Room service.

'But, once things took off,

'it was like we'd never spent

Well, I thought if you wouldn't

then I'd bring dinner to you.

I don't know what to say.

Then don't say anything.

'It was all going so well.

'Then, last night,

'Which is how I came to be standing

Sam? Sam?

There's a cab waiting for you

They want to know if you're coming.

Now, there's a question.

KNOCK AT DOOR

You're back.

Six hours of the most boring health

Learn anything? Don't leave

or you might be sued.

What?

Sam, maybe we should, um...

talk about all the, er...

Kissing?

Definitely.

I think it's a really good idea.

You don't think we should talk...

I mean, this is a...

Shut up.

My laptop, you bastard!

"The maid gasped with pleasure

"They lay in silence

"their naked bodies intertwined.

" 'My name,' said the maid,

" 'Pleased to meet you.' "

THEY LAUGH

What's going on?

I found this on the printer. It's

Featuring the thinly-disguised staff

It's really not very interesting.

I am Marco, the sexy Spanish barman.

I have just performed the love

I'm going to be ill.

Your character, Millie, has

Oh, yeah, that's more my thing.

Ooh!

Hi, guys.

Ben and I checked this sheikh in

and he gave, like, a £50 tip

Mel.

Oh, I know, I know,

I reckon he's got loads

Stop talking and adjust yourself.

God! That's so em...

Oh, I'm such a moron!

Oh, they must have been desperate at

Yeah. Understatement.

It's obviously written

Yeah, Melissa F Jodech.

It's a pseudonym.

Nah, she's way too repressed

JULIET MOANS

Right, come on.

I take.

Er, why?

Because she write about this Marco

I think she shine the torch for me,

And she work in this hotel, so...

..she is going to feel

We haven't done that in a while.

About five years.

Yup.

Sorry about your laptop.

SHE GASPS

FURNITURE SCRAPING

JULIET: Come in.

Er, well, we would,

Sorry. Come in.

Evening, boss.

MUTTERED GREETINGS

Evening, sorry, we were just

It's a bit weird having

but I've been at a health and safety

So, just a quick rundown.

Oh, Becky would prefer us not

it's a romance event. All her

All six-figure salaries

Spend lots of money in the bar.

Actually, she introduced

Ah, the weather girl.

Forecast - happiness. The headlines

And what else?

I do have a Clefs d'Or

It's a meeting that's been

so nobody should be bothering me.

I'd hate to interrupt the important

with your concierge chums.

It is actually a serious meeting.

They've had enough of you already,

The position only lasts a year,

Why do they call it Clefs d'Or?

It's French for golden keys.

All concierges who are members

I thought they were tiny

LAUGHTER

What's this? Have a go at Tony day?

LAUGHTER

OK, so that's it.

So, thanks for getting me

Have a good night, Tony.

Oh, er, Juliet?

Somebody seems to have left

Just thought you might

DOOR CLOSES

So, um, we should, er...

Yeah.

Yeah, lots to do.

OK.

JAUNTY PIANO MELODY

Hi, I'm Juliet Miller.

Pleasure to meet you. Wanted to see

It's absolutely beautiful,

Excuse me. Richard.

Hello, darling. Dashing as ever.

Oh, you have to say that,

You'll break some hearts tonight.

She skis at Klosters every year

Well, tonight's the night, Becks.

Good luck.

BUZZ OF CONVERSATION

All that money, all those good looks

and he just can't find

What's on the cards?

Sorry?

Description -

to help them find the person

So you've already matched them up?

Actually, that's the sneaky bit.

Everyone here has been

Similar age, background,

The cards are just an ice-breaker.

Amazing. My God, when I went to

it was name tags, dodgy punch

Whatever works, I guess!

Becky! You promised me some

Right, er,

one of the richest media magnates

Owner of two broadsheets, a tabloid

That's him.

You know,

I could introduce you to some

Oh, I think I'm fine, thanks.

The offer's there.

# Take me right back

BUZZ OF CONVERSATION

Mike, how are you, mate, all right?

Yeah. You're looking good.

New baby's conducting an experiment

I'd like to tell you it gets easier,

I'm still pleasantly surprised

Yes, I know, I've been very slack.

All in the past, mate,

Hey, Tone.

Nice spread.

Thank you.

I heard a nasty rumour.

Oh, yeah? What was that?

Yes, yes, it's true.

Tony, it will not do.

The art of the concierge,

to acquire the delicate

for nothing.

Yes, well, it is paid for,

They want us to recommend it.

See that? See that, Ray?

All right, chaps, actually,

we should get on with the business

Grab your drinks and your cocks,

let's get over here

Now, obviously, you're not gonna

Er, yes.

Tony, we've got a bit of a crisis

but the night concierge can't deal

I mean, he is off duty.

Er, Mike, I've got this.

Thank you.

Oh, come on.

It's the same old, same old, hm?

This woman wants to send

Her baby's run out.

But she doesn't want it thawing out

She wants it to taste

That means packing it in dry ice,

she's convinced I should have

Where are we gonna find dry ice

So, that's why you need me.

Peter Harrison.

Of course you can, Peter.

This evening's check-ins.

I'm Mel, by the way.

So, are you here on business

Business.

Not that I've ever done it.

Look, I've had a long flight.

Sure.

Ben, there have been

and, from all I've seen,

I can't believe she worked at

She's had references.

BLEEPING

BLEEPING INCREASES

Maybe I should give them a call?

I mean, honestly,

I think she'll be really offended.

Let her handle Mr Balls' check-in,

But he's a nightmare!

I want to see how she copes.

I want to check in.

Yes, sir, of course.

GENTLE PIANO MUSIC

Gino, I know we've got extra help

but I'd still like you

I am a bad man.

Juliet?

Sorry, I...

It's me, Karen.

Oh, oh, my God!

I didn't... I didn't recognise you.

Well, I was four stone heavier,

I had a different nose

I didn't like to say, but...

You look amazing!

Well, I should bloody hope so,

So, what are you doing?

Well, I'm slaving away

Wow!

God, cos last time,

Well, we were both in a bad place

But here we are now,

Oh, actually, I'm the manager here.

Wow, that's brilliant!

What about men?

Um, it's complicated.

Yep, it always is.

SHE LAUGHS

Everything's going well in here?

Oh, hi, I'm Karen,

Really?

Mm, we met

when she broke up

Karen...

slagging off our useless men,

Actually,

Oh.

Um, let's go and get a drink,

WHISPERS: I think she likes me.

What are you reading?

"Ladies Today."

I swear you get gayer by the minute.

It's not for me.

It's Mel. She's not exactly

She's a man!

No, she's... She's a criminal!

You know she says

Mm-hm.

She worked in a Travelodge.

Sweet Lord, have mercy.

She stood up for me,

I faked her references.

Oh!

And when Juliet finds out,

How's she gonna find out?

She wants her to check in Mr Balls

How am I gonna bring her

Ben, calm down. We'll help.

How?

All Mel needs

Have you never seen My Fair Lady?

We'll teach her

Now, I have a wine-tasting

but when I'm finished, my friend,

I am your 'enry 'iggins.

Thank you, thank you so much.

James! Dry ice?

Oh, you genius.

Where'd you find that?

Let's just say tonight's production

is going to be a little less

MOBILE PHONE RINGS

Mike.

It just took a little longer than...

Top you up?

Oh, yes, thanks.

Emily, I've just had a call

They want to take

I wondered if you could check them

No, half an hour or so is fine.

Why?

Yeah, right, as if I have time.

The last date I went on,

I find that very hard to believe.

It feels like that now anyway.

That's a shame,

Wise words. You should turn that

So, what's with the guy

Oh, Graham Philpott.

Billionaire, media baron.

Charm him, charm the many

Looks like you're doing

Yeah, he does seem a bit keen.

Well, you can hardly blame him.

Yes, I am very attractive, aren't I?

From certain angles.

Hm.

Unbelievable! Flirting with other

Emily's an employee.

Top her up.

Well, come on, fill her up,

Excuse me.

His endless get-rich schemes

He wasn't all bad.

What about when your mother was ill?

He was finishing a deal. If he could

She was dying

and, just like always, he wasn't by

Your words, sweetheart.

I'm only reminding you

I know, I was angry back then,

Well, things are different now.

We're thinking about

Oh!

Oh, really? Um...

Oh, well, that's great.

Er, excuse me. Apparently,

You look like the sort of woman that

Probably not.

But I'd love to join you

Just remember,

BUZZ OF CONVERSATION

LOCK BLEEPS

Can I help you, sir?

Eh...

I work here.

Yeah, yeah. It's not that. It's...

Did you say you work here?

I'm the concierge.

Yeah, yeah,

It...

Yeah, course, I'm fine.

is lock the door, but from the

Can you do that?

Can it be done?

Well, yeah, anything can be done.

Do it.

And listen, right,

if I call, if I beg to be let out,

Sir...

Liam, this is a five star hotel,

Look, if you don't do this for me,

All I'm asking is just...

If that's what you want,

Thanks.

LOCK BLEEPS,

Jules, good news. The Nasdan Group

They're flying me there tomorrow.

Not the best part. The best part

Oh, Sam, I don't know what to say.

Yes would be a good start.

I've been talking to Karen

Stop thinking about the past

Think about sand and blue sea

Is that a yes?

Let me think about it.

Yeah, OK. Whatever you want.

Your friend, Karen?

Oh, she's not my friend,

Fine. Frankly, I'm a little bit

Why? It's not what I expected from

Malcolm Ridley?

Yeah, he's an old friend of mine,

Really?

THEY LAUGH

I must be seeing things!

Something I had to deal with.

Let's get cracking,

OK, this evening,

The idea is pare that down to three

and then we'll meet them again

Raymond.

First name, Thomas Pickles.

He did work experience with you

Tony?

Tommy Pickles?

Sorry, miles away.

I've just had a guest ask me

I'm actually worried

Your problem is you don't know where

No, Mike, there's something off

I'm genuinely concerned.

It's no good.

I'll be ten minutes.

THEY GROAN

Liam?

THUD

LOCK BLEEPS

Oi.

Giving your neighbours a headache?

I don't care.

What are you on?

Not on. Off.

I'm going cold turkey.

I thought I'd spend the money

I'd normally spend on heroin

That's why you wanted

Argh.

Have you got kids, Tony?

Yeah, two.

Me, too.

I have to do this for them.

HE STAMMERS

Can you stay?

Just keep me distracted?

Liam, I can't get involved.

I think you've got to

Yeah, I understand.

Argh!

Ahh, ahh.

HE GROANS

You're really gonna

Course I'm gonna stay.

Thank you.

It's time you had a makeover.

No kidding.

How long have you had

18 months.

Guys, it's really nice of you,

but I do know

Er, then how do you explain these?

Um, the guy at the shop told me

He lied.

We have some serious work to do.

What I hope to teach you

comportment and gracefulness.

Now, the man you will be

is called Mr Balls.

SHE SNIGGERS

Exactly the response

especially when you find out

Dick.

What are you doing?

Shh.

I'm gonna be cold.

We can't stitch it

You want needle up your backside?

No, not really, thanks.

Good evening, Mr Balls.

Call me Dick.

This underwear. Are knickers like

Please.

This man's

who we introduce to all our richest

Just say ahhhhh!

Argh!

OK, here we go.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

I look...

I'd no idea I could look like this.

Is it really me?

It's the new you.

I love it.

Except it feels a bit weird

Perhaps I could set you up with one

if that would be helpful?

Thank you.

Well, if I do that for you, perhaps

Yeah, sure, what?

Have dinner with me tonight.

That's a very generous offer,

I'm already having dinner with him.

Yeah. This is Sam Franklin,

Oh, well, lucky old you.

Indeed. Because you're taking me

which is why

Right. Well, actually,

She's a very expensive date.

You have no idea.

Thank you.

Shall we, um, get another drink?

Yes.

Karen, could I have a word?

Oh, about what?

Sorry, I'm busy.

I'm afraid I need you to leave.

What? Karen, I know you're not

It'll be a lot easier

I don't know

You lied, on your application.

You're not Malcolm Ridley's

You're not a consultant,

you're a secretary.

That's not true.

It's not true.

I made some calls.

This event is exclusive

SHE SOBS

She seemed so charming.

You can't have a relationship

OK, here he comes.

Just stay calm.

Good evening, Mr Balls.

I prefer Dick.

Dick.

Of course.

I require a room on the east side,

A 45-degree angle to

to avoid glare from the billboards,

Right.

COMPUTER BLEEPS

According to our records, you

Well, I've changed my mind.

And I need my usual seat

Which is where, exactly? Egyptian

I need them,

Gregory? The masseuse, the one

I have a simple list of requests.

This is so infuriating.

I'm so sorry, Dick,

Where did they get you from?

KEYBOARD TAPPING

Come on!

Time's ticking away,

OK, I've got your room and all other

by the time you get upstairs.

There, wasn't too hard, was it?

Good night, good night.

Good work.

so well done for rising above it.

Thank you.

You look fantastic, by the way.

By Jove, I think she's got it.

I'm going home. Mel! You were great.

What?

I should quit.

See you in the morning!

Karen, you've already paid for

That bitch humiliated me.

Look...

..why don't you stay?

We'll have dinner. All I did

about how important my job was.

I mean, Richard didn't mind,

It shouldn't.

I've just been with too many men

and then the next morning

Running for the hills.

I just wanted to meet a nice,

Finding somebody with money isn't

You should look for somebody

You're not exactly in a position

What do you mean?

Well, come on!

You dump Sam when he's broke,

and now he's got this hotel

you're back together again.

That is not why

Just leave me alone.

Is she all right?

Not really.

How did Becky find out

No idea.

Actually, the truth...

What?

Yes, I would like

What were you gonna say?

Oh, it doesn't matter.

I look at Karen and she's

And I'm right here.

You're right here.

HE WHIMPERS

Mate, you're fine, you're fine.

Just stay calm, eh?

So, Maria, Suzanne,

Eight and four.

My ex won't let me see them

I've tried before.

I've tried loads of times.

Well, you're doing really well,

HE GROANS

Come on, mate, you're burning up.

OK? All right?

HE RETCHES

All right, that's it.

All right?

Yeah?

HE RETCHES

Excuse me, Emily.

Have you got some press releases

I know there's a slot free

Yes, I'll dig them out

Actually, I'm off shortly.

I haven't found the one.

Oh, well, come and get them now.

They're in the staff office

Let me find you the latest copy.

Cancel your dinner tonight.

Oh, Graham.

And come with me

I have a jet, I have a villa.

It's a very tempting offer,

What's it gonna take?

Everyone has their price.

Not me. Here they are.

A million pounds

Come on.

Just let me fiddle around for 20

It's not such a bad deal, is it?

OK, get off me.

BUZZ OF CONVERSATION

You've been flirting with me

SHE SHRIEKS

My hero.

Liam!

Oh, Jesus Christ.

I'm not gonna make it.

I've been using for ten years.

I'm gonna call an ambulance,

A doctor, then?

It would go down on my record

and Social Services will stop me

I need a fix.

No. I'm not gonna make it

I just need enough, just to take

Look, Liam, you can get

No, no, I thought I could,

What do you want me to do?

You must have looked the other way

Yeah, but I've never gone out

Please, please do this for me.

Please!

Right, well, look, you text your

and we'll get you the barest minimum

to get you through the night,

Thank you.

BUZZ OF CONVERSATION

So, tell me, just out of personal

No.

I not write erotic book!

Right.

Not Tanya. I knew it!

Gino. Get me some ice, please.

I thought I was your hero.

Well, if your hero hurts himself

there's not much point having one,

WHISPERS: Miss Emily.

I know, but I not say.

It's OK, I'll keep it quiet.

But when you're ready,

I can show you

How delightful.

Gino?

Ice?

Hey! Becky!

You really got me, didn't you?

Haha, very funny!

Karen, maybe we should...

I wanna talk to you.

My company is for executives.

Why d'you have to be

What is it?

to fit into your special little club

Let's get you upstairs, shall we?

I just wanted a chance.

You really liked me, Richard,

We were getting on really well.

Can I get you anything?

Have a laugh. Have a gloat

Come on, that's not fair.

Don't give me that. The only reason

was because you felt superior

Don't be silly.

Come on, let's get you to sleep.

Yeah, yeah, you two go somewhere

and get loved up.

She was pregnant with your baby.

What?

After you separated.

She was having your baby.

I was with her

My God.

I was with her

Is that true?

Is that true?

Yes.

Why?

You always thought

DOOR CLOSES

Ohh.

Sam.

DOOR CLOSES

Sam.

You'd already left.

We weren't speaking.

You thought you'd make that decision

Not tell me you were

What if I had told you?

I would have come back. Sam,

or a husband! We were hundreds

We could have found a way.

You were never there!

You were never there.

We could have a son.

We could have a daughter.

Right now, you and I.

We could be a family.

I've found out who wrote the book.

It's not Miss Juliet, or Tanya.

It's Miss Emily.

The minx!

And she has said

Really? Bully for you.

But I'm surprised at her spelling.

She can't spell

They're probably just typos.

And also, then the book is not sexy,

I mean, listen.

"Marco was in a state of 'desiray'."

Disarray!

And... "The raindrops outside

"of pathetic 'fallicky'

Oh, for God's sake, it's 'a coup

and it's 'ambiance'.

Just because you don't understand it

you... imbecile.

You? You!

The sexy, sexy waiter.

Any chance of keeping this a secret?

Filthy man.

You are a dirty man.

DISTANT SIREN WAILS

DOG BARKS

INDISTINCT CONVERSATION

Cheers.

SOFT PIANO MELODY

You sure?

See you, Richard.

You know James write that book.

What?

All come from his filthy mind.

Eh, I know all along.

Vodka, please.

Now I get it.

Get what?

The reason you humiliated Karen.

It's cos of him, isn't it?

He keeps coming to these events.

And every time, I say,

"I'm going to tell him."

And then he stands there

EMILY: # I die a little... #

For what it's worth,

You're not gonna report me?

Oh, the press, my clients.

If anyone understands

You don't often get a second chance.

You should go, do something

None of this means I like you,

# ..be in the know

# Think so little... #

I know.

# ..me

# They allow you to go

# When you're near

# There's such an air

# Of spring about it

# I can hear a lark somewhere

# Begin to sing about it

# There's no love song finer

# But how strange the change

# From major to minor

# Every time we say goodbye. #

I didn't know you could sing.

I can't, I was lip-syncing.

THEY LAUGH

You want to join me?

Yeah.

LOCK BLEEPS

Your mate Dave sends his regards.

SHOUTING: Get down on the floor!

Whoa, whoa, whoa, all right!

Hands behind your back, face down!

We've been watching you

You're under arrest for dealing

Don't look at me! Don't look at me!

MIKE: Sometimes,

Mike?

I believe you've met Liam,

And amateur actor.

This whole thing's a set-up?

We got bored of waiting

Decided to see how far

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

You complete and utter bastards!

So, was I good?

Are you serious?

LAUGHTER

I can't believe that. Feel my heart!

LAUGHTER

I can't believe it!

LAUGHTER

That is genius!

It is so tough,

I mean, you have all this history

Mm. ..think you can pick up

but you never can.

You've been there.

Oh, yeah, been there,

had it mass-produced

THEY LAUGH

But I am still single.

Yeah, what is it with that?

I mean, you are stunning.

You're great at your job,

you can sing.

I'm in a band.

Really? I'd like to hear that.

Yeah, you should come,

Beat up all my stalkers.

What are the hours?

Long.

But with a very good chance

of walking in on me

I can't believe I've never noticed

What took you so long?

I'm drunk.

As am I.

I should go home.

That does seem

I'll see you tomorrow, Sam.

Night.

THEY MURMUR APPRECIATIVELY

Hey! Looking stylish.

Listen, I just wanna say

..but I've definitely

I'm leaving.

I thought you might say that.

Which is why, er... Actually,

Come on, come on, this way.

Morning.

Emily.

I'm sorry,

I hope I didn't...

No, I had a good time.

Good. Again, I...

I know that you and Juliet

but, for the record,

I like loud concerts,

Wow.

I don't know what to say.

No pressure.

I just want you to know

Et voila!

Er, I don't understand.

Thank you very much.

You can't tell somebody

You have to experience it

But I can't afford all this.

You don't have to.

What did I do to deserve this?

I don't belong in a five star hotel.

Hey, listen, I once made a flaming

and set fire to his robes.

Up to five years ago,

I used to shoplift.

That's nothing.

I sell drugs.

You take a big vat...

You know, we all make mistakes, OK?

The five star treatment begins here.

ALL: Cheers!

Oh, talking of mistakes,

It's an anagram of James Schofield.

Apparently,

I didn't know you wrote porn.

So, tell me, do you write it

For your information,

I have a three-book deal

with Hot Body publishing.

Yes, not so funny now, is it?

And certainly not as funny

In my defence, the uniforms

They were from a fancy dress shop.

These guys were carrying machine

I hear you cry like a baby.

KNOCK AT DOOR

Hi.

Can't believe you still

Have you come to lecture me

I should have told you.

It's a long time ago.

It was still wrong.

And I know I can't change it now,

..not a day goes by

And regret it.

And I'm so sorry.

Is that all?

No.

I also want to say that I love you.

And I always have done, Sam.

My bags are packed

And I would like

if you'll have me.

Don't...

Don't say anything now.

Just think about it.

Just promise me

SAM: 'And this is where we came in.

'I'd made very few good decisions

'How the hell

'On one hand, Juliet, with all that

'A leap of faith

'but there's so much riding on it.

'Even if I can forgive her, if she

'But can we ever move on

'On the other hand, the future,

'the possibility of something new,

'unburdened by the weight

'Someone like Emily.'

Sam? There's a cab waiting for you

They want to know

Now, there's a question.