Original subtitles

SAM: 'Desire -

'To covet or to wish for

'As creatures, we are rarely

'But, luckily, you've just arrived

'the house of your fairy godmother.

Thanks.

'So, what can we do for you?

"The dolphins

"as fast as their little fins

"until, finally,

'Literary knowledge?

'Or maybe just

I'm terribly sorry,

'At Hotel Babylon, we can take you

'and make your dreams come true.'

Going up.

Sorry.

Hey, Jules, you know

We're not married any more.

It's tomorrow, not today.

Ha-ha, so you did remember?

Well, we were married

believe it or not,

'It doesn't matter how unobtainable

'spend a night at Hotel Babylon

Here we go.

Mind the... Ooh, careful with that

Even more now he's dead.

It has to be up in the suite by

OK, just...

Team are gonna be pretty upset.

Oh, that's, er, interesting.

Christiano, dead? How?

Heart attack. Hereditary.

That's tragic. I'm sorry.

There'll be a private family funeral

but, until then, his body

We'll be holding

His body's coming here?

He loved London and Hotel Babylon.

So, the ex-wife and the widow

I'd put them on different floors,

I'm sure they'd appreciate that.

..well, he, be lying?

Well, we can free up

if I move the baby shower

Well, the woman

is a Sunday Times journalist,

and she's doing a piece

We need to keep her happy.

Sam, why don't you look after her?

You and six women? You'll love it.

I don't know about that.

And, um, the awards

Is that what this is?

The Burlington

so they had to move venue

and we stepped into the breach.

Do we know who's hosting them yet?

Well, we sound overstretched to me.

Perhaps we need a temporary addition

I could offer my services for

Or maybe it's time to start thinking

say, er, Director of Food,

Oh, here we go, Mr Creepy's

Someone who oversees everything

I mean, Juliet, I don't just want to

OK, James, you can do

Really?

With Gino.

Gino?

Good communications at all times,

but any problems,

I really don't need Gino.

James, you do need Gino.

How about it?

Like Danger Mouse and Penfold.

Yes, we can discuss the arrangements

Say six o'clock.

This is it.

Right, if I can get the job,

then I can pay my way

Mel, you ain't gonna

Why not?

Cos this place is class

God, I must have been drunk.

When I said you could

I didn't think you'd actually

HE SNIFFS

Hey, what are you doing with my bag?

It's just a stag weekend, Mel, yeah?

You were only meant to be

Two nights with you and I've had it.

You should probably

What?!

It's over.

O-V-E-R.

Got it?

You can't!

I've nowhere to go.

Hi... Ben.

Yes?

I'm here about a job.

Are you her? Who?

Yeah.

That's me.

Yeah.

Why do I find that

Oh, that's me all over.

Surprise, surprise!

Except I'm not Cilla. I'm Mel.

Oh, not Isabel?

Isabel?

Isabel? Mel. Isabel.

Middle name.

Are you a little bit special?

No, I don't think so.

OK. You need to get changed,

Chef? Chef, where is he?

No idea.

Oh, don't tell me that was a tureen!

Ahhh.

No, no, no, the squid ink,

go in the cold store,

Right.

I thought we were having a meeting.

Oh, God, Gino, not now.

I've been waiting at the bar.

What for, the seasons to change?

Will somebody please

I'm meant to be helping you,

Would you stop following me around?

You're like some

Whoa!

These boxes! How many times?

You look like you're struggling

Don't forget, I'm your deputy.

We can make decisions together.

All right, you can be

Right, good.

What? The scary witch is coming

What are you talking about?

That's Luna, Christiano's widow.

I'm sorry, she looked like

so I said yes.

I need to sit down.

We have one.

Senora Cucci.

It's James. We met last year.

Allow me to offer

Just to let you know

of all the arrangements

so if there's anything you need...

BABY CRIES

I would like to see the flowers.

Wow, you look great.

Well, you know,

so I thought I should...

Upstage the widow?

Dress accordingly.

PAPARAZZI SHOUTING

Hi.

Jim.

Oh, my God.

Juliet.

Are you?

Great.

Mm. It's so good to see you.

You, too.

SHE LAUGHS

Look at you!

Amazing!

Thank you.

Sorry, Jim, this is Emily,

Hi, Emily, Jim. Emily'll be

where the awards will be

Great. I can't get over this.

I was expecting to come here

in the history of the world

Sam Franklin, owner of the hotel.

Wow, the full welcoming committee.

Well, we should probably

Jim, if there's anything I can do

please don't hesitate to shout.

I should probably check in

Yeah, she's my agent.

She'll be here later,

Jules!

Are we meeting for a drink later?

Yes.

I'll see you there.

Didn't know Juliet knew Jim Doody.

Neither did I.

She wants to be careful there.

Jim Doody? King of the love rats?

That'll be the baby shower, then.

Excuse me.

But I wanted tulips.

I want the coffin here

surrounded by tulips.

These roses aren't black enough.

Black tulips are blacker.

But the Baccara rose

is regarded as one of

a thing of such beauty

Are you saying I've no taste?

No, no, good God, no.

I loved my Christiano.

He deserves the best.

Absolutely, Senora Cucci.

Because there is already

that is making

And you know what that means?

No.

Before Vesuvius erupts,

there is a little murmur

like a chitter-chatter,

because soon, the lava will come.

Luna Cucci.

Gino?

Your papa was from Sorrento.

Hey! Did your mama

Yes, she did...

Well, I have a good idea.

Why don't you, Gino,

Of course.

Your chamber awaits.

Did your papa get his new hip?

This is the staff canteen.

That's Tanya, Head of Housekeeping,

This is Isabel.

Very nice to meet you.

It's really exciting,

So excited,

Nice.

Isabel. Isabel?

Juliet.

The hotel manager.

Oh, hi!

Hi. Sorry it's been a bit frantic.

Did you bring

I mentioned them on the phone

Oh, sorry, I forgot.

Could you have them mailed over?

I'm assuming you're OK

I think it's the same as

You worked at Casparino's?

That's what I said.

You never know, she might have a few

Thanks.

Sorry again it's not the suite

I wouldn't wanna...

I'm joking. It's fantastic.

Good. We hope the expectant mother

Precious? Oh, she'll love it.

Oh, I need to talk to you

And did you get the nappy cake?

We did indeed, yes.

For the party games. We're playing

If you need anything else, madam,

Thank you. And if you're all

the article might even end up on the

Something tells me you've done

Baby showers, no.

What, no-one's ever given you

I haven't got kids.

You?

No, no kids.

HE CLEARS THROAT

Yes, right, so,

we'll contact you later to go over

Sounds great.

Oh, hello.

Ooh, liking the black look.

I can't wear black.

Pale skin, you see.

Makes me look like a dead person.

Eva Cucci. I am here

Right.

OK.

Phil McGuinness. I'm here

Of course.

HE TAPS KEYBOARD

A suite.

Oh. Are you in a superior suite?

Yes. You seem surprised by that.

No.

I'm not. I'll just check you in.

I won't keep you a moment.

SHE TAPS KEYBOARD

COMPUTER BLEEPS

Ah, here's your booking.

Oh, here we are. Great! One minute.

SHE SIGHS

I've got you a nice room.

If you could just sign there.

And all done.

Thank you.

I really want to see the room

Do you want to go

And I'll ask someone to pop in

Grazia.

Su, su, andiamo.

How much longer will this take?

Oh, not long now.

Sir.

Sir.

That's better.

I thought you lot

some sort of training

Dry cleaning,

No. No, no, no, this is all wrong.

Christiano hated tulips.

We need the Baccara roses.

They're the closest flower to black

I couldn't agree more,

but I probably will

Christiano's widow.

Scusi, I was married to Christiano

Oh, of course, I didn't mean...

I was his muse for 30 years.

I was also his best friend and

I'm so sorry.

Must be a... dreadful shock.

Yes, it was.

And that woman was nothing

to Christiano's life.

She did nothing but drain his soul

Hey.

Everything OK?

Great.

I would just like to say thank you,

If you do well at this,

then I will consider opening

Thank you. I won't let you down.

Good. Oh, now, the funeral reception

but the coffin is arriving

so we'll need a manager

Me?

Overnight?

You'll cope beautifully

Ha.

Here we go. Thank you very much.

Baby shower guest list -

Jim seemed nice. Yeah, he is.

No, he hasn't.

Sam, are you stirring?

I don't know,

I thought you'd be relieved

Yeah, moving on, seeing each other

It's just I'm finding it a bit...

Weird, that's all.

Are you?

Yeah.

Yeah, I am.

Ooh, hi, can I help?

Yeah, I'm here to see Juliet Miller.

What's the name, please?

Isabel Pritchard.

Are you...

..here about a job?

The receptionist job?

Yeah.

Oh, God, are we gonna be

Oh!

What's it like here?

It's all right, actually,

Oh, good. Casparino was a boot camp.

Just have a seat in the bar

OK.

Room service.

It was just a bit of wind.

and I'll come and make him

Ah.

What are you doing here?

I have every right to be here.

Why is she in the room

There has obviously been a mistake.

You don't deserve to be here.

Excuse me, I was married to

And it's starting to show.

Ladies, please, now,

I just need to ask which one of you

I'm not moving.

I'm not moving, I am his widow.

How dare you expect me to move?!

His widow, he only painted you once,

Because he couldn't concentrate,

He just wanted to make love to me.

No, he said you were hard-faced.

He did not say that.

Now, come on, we're all adults here.

I want to see

Ladies, ladies, what's going on

We meant to put you in the rooms

What?

Si, si. Listen to Gino.

Christiano wanted you both here.

We are all here to celebrate

his family, his work.

You were both part of his life.

You were... and you were.

Please, now is not the time

Eh?

Now is a time for respect.

The time for competition

It's over.

He is right.

His father is from Sorrento.

Such a wise family.

Thank you, Gino.

Thank God for Gino!

Yes, praise the Lord.

It's Tanya, isn't it?

Hi, we met earlier.

There seems to be a problem

a spillage of some description -

Now, apparently.

Up and down, up and down,

Upstaging me is not

Oh, hang on one giddy minute,

You only angry because you bitted

Oh, please.

You know you cannot work

Quite frankly,

OK, sack me.

Fine.

You are sacked.

Isabel, hi.

Could you, er, come with me?

Sorry to keep you waiting,

Right, all the cleaning products

What? I don't clean.

Oh, for the first six months,

Juliet's rules.

Understand

Oh, I'm not doing that.

She can. She docks the wages if

You know what? This really...

I'm gonna go. You can tell Juliet

Er, excuse me.

Nobody mentioned

Tradition.

This one needs

Craig, it's me, Mel.

Will you call me back on my mobile?

I don't have anywhere to sleep

just for tonight, I could...

..find you a suite.

Why not? Push the boat out,

Look forward

My shirts aren't in my room.

I just had a message, Mr McGuinness.

We're very sorry, but there was

so your shirts will be ready

I needed them for eight o'clock.

Just a bit longer.

I said I needed them

PEN CLICKS

What are you doing?

Someone should pick that up.

Pick it up.

Dry cleaning can't be late, Ben.

Finally. Thank you.

Ohh, mmm.

Come here, Ambrosio.

Hey.

JULIET LAUGHS

Mr and Mrs Fox, how was it?

All nice things, I hope?

Table good?

I was wondering if you'd like

There's a new cocktail menu

and drinking cocktails alone

Yeah.

Yes, OK.

Good.

I'll see you over there.

OK, I want to know everything.

What sort of things?

Whether you're happy, fulfilled.

Why you didn't marry me.

Did you ask me?

Too scared.

You were just...

too gorgeous.

Stop it.

That's good.

Mm, lychee martinis,

So, night after night

..somewhere to bring

You'd think so, but no.

I'm too busy, really.

I'm single, very happy.

Anyway, I'm very choosy.

What about you?

No-one.

I don't normally do this, but...

..I don't suppose you want

and take it up to my suite?

I'd love to.

I'll get it.

Dennis, can I get

Bottle?

Bloody hell, you're keen.

Ah, you told me to look after her.

Sam...

What?

Nothing, it's just...

Just looks a bit...

A bit what?

Nothing.

No. She looks nice. Thank you.

Jules?

Have a nice evening.

You, too.

DOOR CREAKS, CLOSES

SIRENS WAIL

So, what now?

Well, officially,

So, does that mean

What's going on?

Sorry...

I was just coming up.

What the hell are you doing

What?

This is Sophie, my agent

and my wife.

Oh, my God.

I should go.

SHE SOBS

RAUCOUS LAUGHTER

Hey, hey, hey!

Hey, how you doing?

THEY CHEER

Your final fling, eh?

Who's the lucky one?

I'm getting married.

Gino, the body's gone.

I woke up

What, you been at the Glenmorangie?

Gino, please.

I need you

Why, are you begging me?

Yes.

I love it when you beg.

Hurry up!

OK, I'm coming!

Sorry, girls, I have to go.

Ohh! Hey, these are ours.

OK, bye.

James?

I'm in here.

I mean, where could it have gone?

A dead body can't just vanish,

Maybe it's one of his obsessed fans

I don't know, it could be anything.

I'll wait for an apology.

What? Otherwise, I go back

Apologies!

OK, I leave you to find

All right, all right, Gino!

Hmm.

I apologise.

Apology accepted.

Now, Mr Director of Food, let's go.

Like hunters.

DOOR SLAMS

Go on.

HE WHISPERS

ALL SCREAMING

Mine.

Shirt.

We... really... shouldn't.

It's all a mess now. Everything.

But I was hungry.

Christiano, calm down.

OK.

I am in debt.

A lot of debt.

Christiano, your paintings!

Expensive first wife,

and now my beautiful Luna,

So, now...

I must pretend to die.

The paintings go up in value,

and I tell my lovely Luna

and we live happy ever after.

But how?

Didn't the funeral parlour notice

that your dead body

The pallbearer is my man.

He was going to help me

He has arranged everything.

No, no, no, Christiano, it's over.

We have to tell

I know.

You do what you have to do.

You are right,

for me, it is over.

HE CRIES

Do we really have to tell Juliet?

Well, if we do,

Well, of course, she has to.

There's no dead man.

If there's no dead man,

That's a disappointing funeral.

Gino, listen to me.

in the backwaters of this hotel

This is my moment, Gino,

You want to help a man

just so you can get promotion?

Yes. And you think Gino

I don't want to get you

but, maybe, if we are careful,

it is possible.

I am truly desperate.

HE SOBS

SAM: 'Some of us go to perverse

'and, sometimes,

'And perhaps a little bit

'Pursuing what we think we want

'But sometimes, suddenly,

'comes a little gift from heaven -

'albeit with strings attached.'

Morning, gorgeous.

Breakfast?

I should go.

But last night, you said you'd

I did?

Charlotte, did we, er...

Well, of course. You don't remember?

Oh, God.

Charming!

Yes, of course,

Great. Well, come on, then.

HE GROANS

Hi, Mrs Bergen. Yeah. We've

so it's gonna...

That means you need to add up

What's the matter, cat got your

Ooh.

Sir, I'm sorry, but there seems

What?

Your card. It's been declined.

What do you mean, declined?

Well, maybe you haven't got

I beg your pardon!

OK.

COMPUTER BLEEPS

It's obviously some kind of mistake.

It's... What are you?

Instructions from the bank,

Cash is fine,

Fine, that's fine.

Fine.

What?

He deserved it.

They do.

They don't.

Why don't you know that?

Oh, God.

Who are you?

SHE SIGHS

Mel.

Mm. And have you ever worked

I was head receptionist

Oh, we are blessed.

You thought I was the new girl

so I just lied.

cos I haven't got references,

I'm already sacked.

Thanks for doing

It was quite unpleasant.

What?

Don't make me say it again.

You're welcome.

I feel a little bit funny.

They're about to come in.

I know, but I am nervous.

Do you think Luna will be angry?

I have lied to my Luna.

You don't need

No?

She is a good woman.

A good woman will forgive.

Christiano, do you think that

What?

Why?

She and the nanny.

I saw them kissing and it was hot.

My Luna and Ambrosio?

HE LAUGHS

Are you sure?

What are you talking about?

I will ask her myself!

Gino, why did you have to

I am going!

Don't listen to him,

If you go and see her now,

All this planning for nothing.

You need to keep your eye

You just need

My Luna.

But I am doing it for her!

OK?

Oh, there he is!

He is OK. He looks so beautiful.

In fact, I've never seen him

Yep, ice bucket coming up.

OK.

PHONE RINGS

Tony, look, I think

I'm going to be at this bloody baby

Come and get me, will you?

EXCITED CHATTER

BUZZ OF CONVERSATION

I want to apologise.

Come on, Jules.

Please, look, Sophie and I

We kept it very low-key.

I don't think she sees it like that.

She's just so jealous. I have to

Oh, you poor, poor boy.

Hi.

This is a big deal for me.

I really like you.

And I'm supposed to be flattered,

A famous comedian chooses little me

Why do people like you

You know what? I would save

RAUCOUS LAUGHTER

OK, everyone, so listen carefully.

We've got a schedule of games,

You're not drinking, are you?

You're pregnant, Presh!

This looks like fun!

Sorry to disturb, ladies.

Oh, I'm sorry... You've not got

LAUGHTER

What do you think, ladies?

I don't think

Playing a starring role

LOW MURMURS

James?

Mm?

What are you doing?

My darling Christiano has flown,

to a land far beyond.

LUNA CRIES

I was your servant, my darling,

and you were my world.

LUNA CRIES

A loving wife

has lost her husband.

CHRISTIANO GROANS

My beautiful little baby,

SHRIEKING

Dio...!

Quite a performance,

Are you quite sure

I am so sorry, my friends.

Christiano is not dead.

He is alive!

Oh, Christiano.

Did you know about this?

No!

Stay here. I'm going to

The fraud squad are gonna love this.

BOTH SHOUTING

Christiano!

Happy now?

# Don't you touch my boyfriend

# He's not your boyfriend. #

Come on, you have to put it on now.

It's your baby shower!

No, I think it's your baby shower.

Well, you have been

with the whole thing.

just trying to give everyone

If they don't want to play...

I mean, what is all this shit?

It's a baby shower. I want you

I don't need it. I've got my Doug

which I know is a problem for you.

What? Well, you haven't found

You must be doing something wrong.

I'm doing fine. You just can't seem

The other night, Doug and I

how long your last relationship

You are so bloody smug, aren't you?

At least I don't have a husband who

Doug?

Not what you said last Christmas Eve

Things were unravelling

then suddenly you're pregnant,

This baby shower is

You little bitch.

Oh!

Don't you dare follow me.

Precious? Leave me alone.

I can't believe...

Sorry to disturb them.

I've got to go.

Great, another deserter who doesn't

Yeah. Sorry, you passed out

Oh, my days at Babylon are over.

Oh, will you stop whinging?

I am so sorry.

I should thank you

You tried to make it happen for me

and, for that,

Don't worry, I won't say

You are both safe.

So, you didn't see him move?

Hear him breathe?

No.

No, I can't believe

actually.

Amazing.

Dead as a dodo.

Deader than that, even.

Gino, you were close to Christiano.

Yes.

Someone had to help him.

He needed to eat,

Did he confide in you, Gino?

Gino...

..knew nothing about it.

But I did.

I helped Christiano.

Why?

Juliet, I really wanted

The Director of Food job

James, Sam and I need to talk.

Yes, of course.

You didn't need to do that.

No, I didn't.

It's the mark of a true leader.

Thank you.

I get you a drink.

It could be your last.

Thanks.

Yeah, yes, thank you, Gino.

Shut up!

Oh, Isabel, I need those references.

Oh, right.

Here they are, Isabel.

Oh, thanks.

Oh, and Isabel was too polite to

It was an admin error

Oh, you should have said.

OK.

I owe you a really giant drink

This doesn't mean

No cinema on a Sunday, no, "Do you

OK.

But thank you.

James.

No.

Sam and I have talked.

I understand.

This is a serious business.

Of course.

You were prepared to help fake

I'd say that demonstrated a rather

You can keep your job, but don't

No.

I won't. And thank you.

But the Director of Food position

No, no, obviously.

OK.

SAM: 'Sometimes, the desire

'gets the better of us.

'Sometimes, we search for happiness

He is just brilliant.

So funny and gorgeous.

He's also someone else's husband.

Ah.

Mm.

Fancy a drink? You know what?

Your office, now.

'But maybe the answer to life,

'is a little closer to home.'

Happy anniversary.

God, there are some freaks

Charlotte Newhouse?

Yeah.

I don't know what I was doing.

I don't feel very proud of myself,

Hey, God, I'm fine.

Fine.

You can do what you want.

I was only doing it

Yeah, right.

No, you look good together.

She wasn't you.

And what about Jim?

Jim was a player.

You were right.

He didn't deserve you.

You deserve everything.

Any man who gets you

Sam.

Seeing you with Jim last night

I'm not ready to give you up.

I'll fight for you if I have to.

God, don't look at me like that.

Why not?

You know why not.

I just...

SAM: 'Because sometimes,

'desire, want,

'is right in front of you.

'Just open your eyes and look.'