Original subtitles

SAM: 'Some things in life

'They're as true today

'the era of the three-day week.

'Both now and then,

'people have gone to extraordinary

Hello, love. What's your name?

SIREN WAILS

No rest for the wicked.

'Everyone wants a future where they

SIREN CONTINUES WAILING

Morning, cock.

'How people go about achieving it

'Some are prepared to steal

Hello, my darlings.

'Some of us

'and earn their precious overtime.'

Hi. Hi!

SHE SIGHS

'And some of us

'Not that it always works.'

Oh. Uh, uh, uh...

'But whatever we do,

'for that extra bit of cash or piece

'just like people always have.'

Listen, I'll give you a monkey

HE CHUCKLES

'So if there's a chance to discover

'..wouldn't we all take it?'

HUBBUB

I'm dealing with

So if you could just be patient.

Yes, sir, how can I help you?

"John and Rob and Ray looked,

"Where, oh, where could Jimmy be?"

May I have a look at that?

HUBBUB

Anyone been looking for me?

Mr Barnes, as I said before, I will

Right. Well, I'll be in the spa

Busy this morning.

Gino, I need a favour.

I need you to keep your eyes open

You won't be able to miss him.

He's got this big, ugly,

Doesn't sound like the sort of

in a dark alley.

bit of a joker.

Ah.

this time, so, er... just...

You shouldn't be

And you really should think about

Wash your mouth out!

SHE GASPS AND WHINES

Oh, sorry. That's all they had.

Disposable or washable?

What are those?

Thank you.

I just thought you might need them.

HE CLEARS HIS THROAT

Right, I'm going to the staff

Anna, why are you carrying on

Everyone knows he's not the father,

Why don't you just put the poor guy

He didn't look miserable to me.

I happen to be quite a catch,

Oh, sorry I'm late.

I had to deal with a complaint

Don't we all miss Jackie?

Ooh! Is that the book that

Bloody hell! A bit busy out there.

Um, I was just about to say

was a prolific jewel thief

he was arrested right outside

He's been in prison ever since.

What did he do,

My Great-Uncle Buck, in Spain,

What did he steal, a goat?

Well, Harold died recently,

his autobiography, which he insisted

It hit the shelves today.

Why are they all walking around

That's where

You see, just before he was

12 cut emeralds, which he claims

And the book contains clues

SHE GASPS

"from Black Princess Lake

"and you'll find the treasure,

It's a hoax. Do you really think

Doesn't matter what I think. The

hence all the people out there.

It won't be long before the press

which is good -

No, I want to downplay this.

Oh, I disagree. Let's get the world

If they wanna know something,

And what about our real guests?

BOTH: Hotel comes first.

Er... you're right, Juliet,

Thank you, Sam.

Let's try not to be too distracted

All this hoo-ha about hidden gems

If this Kelly chap did hide

surely somebody would have

No, but imagine

and you were the one to find them.

SHE SIGHS

MOBILE PHONE RINGS

Hello.

Oh, where are you? Oh,

WHISPERING: Hold on,

So, the book.

Oh!

Oh, my God! It's not coming, is it?

It's a phantom contraction.

I just need to...

I just need to sit down somewhere

Course. Do you need me to help?

OK.

Phew.

Hey! Cow!

SHE EXHALES DEEPLY

It's mine!

Give it back!

In your dreams, posh boy.

SHE PANTS

Ha! Suckers.

THEY BOTH GRUNT

HE GROANS

I'm gonna go and get my own copy.

I'm going to.

BEN SHRIEKS

SHE GASPS

HE SIGHS

How do you do? I'm Juliet Miller,

Welcome to Hotel Babylon.

I very much hope you can help me.

I need to find somewhere for Mother

Your mother?

I assume you've heard of her.

Yes, of course I have.

She mustn't be left on her own.

There must be someone with her

That's not really a service

Double, triple -

Mr Evergreen? Sam Franklin, owner.

I think what Ms Miller

while this is a service

I'm sure we can find something

Yes, that is exactly

And I'm sure that Mr Franklin would

has everything she needs,

Mother...

Mrs Evergreen,

I don't like the look of you.

Bastard!

Gave me the clap...

ANNA: Evergreen,

This is Constance Evergreen, Anna.

Don't be silly. She's dead.

If she were alive, she'd be, like,

You're like an understudy I once

Or was it the fourth?

Well, I think I'll leave you

Um, enjoy your stay, Ms Evergreen.

Not bloody likely.

Nothing.

Now, Mother is a little prickly

but lovely when you get to know her.

Whoever you assign to her

and they must not let her

Mr...

We'll make sure that she's

My! But aren't you

Am I? Thank you.

We should have made

Robert Hamer wanted me, of course.

Joan Greenwood was

I see.

Those were the most

I never forgot you, Denny.

Yes, I can hold.

And then,

you can let something slip

You know, accidentally on purpose.

Let's see how busy

Ooh...eek. Awkward.

Who do I listen to -

Do you generally

Oh. Did I just say that out loud?

PHONE RINGS

PHONE CONTINUES RINGING

Front desk. Ben speaking.

I'm sorry,

Would you like to leave a mes...?

DIAL TONE

In your own time.

Arthur, where are you off to?

Ah.

Did you see the woman in this room?

HE CHUCKLES

One day, I would like the love

HE LAUGHS

THEY BOTH LAUGH

Never underestimate

best thing in the world.

I spent 15 years with the love of my

Oh, Arthur, I'm so sorry.

Better to have loved and lost

It's very true. I wouldn't trade

LIFT DINGS

Let's split up.

So it's nothing more

Over the last 35 years,

this hotel has undergone several

so if Mr Kelly did hide the jewels,

Thank you very much.

Cut there. Thanks, Emily.

Thanks, Dustin. Um...

but the jewels may be more real

Thank you.

So, have you got

Oh, you're always so good to me,

I've got to run a little errand,

But I need you to promise me

Haven't I always

Remember Brighton?

SHE LAUGHS

THEY BOTH CHUCKLE

DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES

I've been keeping

but I haven't seen

You know, the joker with the scar.

I really want it over and done with.

I mentioned my Rita to you earlier.

Well, technically speaking,

she was already married...

to the kind of man

A Catholic.

A gangster. Gary Pointer.

The Shy Don, they call him, because

That's right,

not since the day his wife

Ah. You're the driving instructor?

But what has that got to do with

The man with the scar isn't my

And when he gets here...

He's going to take you to him? But

Rita and I were living in Australia

I've come home to die.

But, Arthur,

Not for me.

The joke's on him, see?

The big C.

Oh. Arthur...

I'm sorry.

I'm not interrupting anything,

Yes.

I can't believe people

I mean, look at this. "John and Rob

"Where, oh, where could Jimmy be?"

It's a riddle.

SHE SIGHS

If I could just work it out.

Do you know how hard it is being

and knowing I could spend it so much

SHE GASPS DRAMATICALLY

What's actually quite clever?

John Densmore, Robby Krieger,

the lead singer... who died.

SHE GASPS

We're looking for a lost door!

Yeah. But where is it?

How are we

WE?! I solved the clue.

SHE GASPS

SHE PANTS

Oh, yeah. Just a...just

and it eventually ebbs away.

Can I do anything?

Yeah, actually, could you keep an

Thank you very much.

Er... Anna...

I need to speak to you,

so could you meet me

Why are you being so mysterious?

Just meet me here

John, Rob, Ray, Jimmy... Rob.

Robert. Roberto.

HE WHISTLES

James Vineyard '49, John Adams

Vina da Roberto Silvera '52...

214. Room 214.

Yes!

Hello?

HE TAPS THE WALL

DOOR UNLOCKS

BOTH PANT AND MOAN

Connie?

Connie!

Denny?

Connie?

LOVERS MOAN AND PANT

SHE SCREAMS

Dead man, second floor supply

SHE SINGS SOFTLY

Oh, Denny, you came back!

SHE GIGGLES

He was right here, I swear!

I'm sure it was this floor!

Maybe we should check

It was THIS floor!

A dead body doesn't just

Someone must have been

Who would do this?

HE TAPS

Sam, what are you doing?

Nothing.

LOVERS GRUNT AND GROAN

Oh, James! James! Yeah! Oh! James!

PHONE RINGS

Room service.

REVS DRILL

HAROLD KELLY: Hello, my darlings.

SHE LAUGHS

What sort of a twisted place

I'm very sorry. If we could just

No, thank you. My wife and I are

Come on, Susan.

Oh! You're there already?!

No. No, OK, the caff on the corner.

Come on, Connie,

SLURRING: Why the bloody hell

Oh! It's you!

Hello.

What?

Either you tell me,

Tell them what?

Oh, my God, you found it!

The first clue

There is a lost door

There was a picture of it

This is like serendipity, or what?

I mean, I'm meant to find

God, this is incredible!

It's like my whole life I've just

All the let-downs, all the crappy

I've gotta go and see

OK. For half.

What about for love?

5%. 20.

10%, but you guard the cellar.

BOTH SPIT AND CLICK FINGERS

Olivia.

What the fump is this?

I choose not to curse.

Er... Olivia Nightingale, I hope.

And Olivia Nightingale

No. No, I didn't think you were.

I was under the impression I was

but I have to meet you

I do not do clandestine, understand

Well, I'm sorry about that.

It's just it's a bit

You call that an apology?

And see this?

I specifically

You know what cream does

SHE SINGS ASCENDING SOUL NOTES

VOICE SCREECHES ON HIGH NOTE

You hear that? All gloopy.

What the fump does she mean by that?

Um, Connie, this is Olivia.

Singing?! I had a poodle once

when Stanley Holloway sat on him.

Lovely man.

I'd really like to apologise

Is this some sort of fumping joke,

Well, fump you and fump this

I'll rip your dimp off

No... Olivia, let me explain.

Just wait a moment.

Connie, do you realise

Where am I supposed to find

SHE SCREAMS

SHE SCREAMS

Slow down, Denny!

Jesus, Tony! Will you chill?

SHE SIGHS

What's going on here?

I don't get employed any more.

So the eccentric

I don't get to do what I love - act.

Does your son know?

I'm rather good

Yes, you can say that again.

He hasn't got

He's got a strumpet in Clerkenwell

..are you gonna tell me

Can you keep a secret?

I can try.

MOBILE PHONE RINGS

I'm busy. What - another one?

I swear on my eyes, he was in there!

You may want to swear

I think we should call the police.

In case it's not a prank.

I keep telling you, I touched him.

But he grabbed you?

So we're looking for a dead man

and two left hands?

Yeah. Sam, why don't you give the

I'm telling you, I'm cursed.

Dead rise around me.

Haven't you heard?

Today, I find not one,

And both vanish.

It was horrible!

I never forget his face.

Shot between the eyes.

And that scar...

Like this.

Oh, my God.

There you are.

Put that down!

It's an emergency!

Right. Now...

What? I don't think that's...

Trust me, it's important.

Look, I may not have the best job

For goodness sake!

Anna, no, I'm not gonna

REVS DRILL

SHE GAGS

Hello, Gino. What can I do for you?

Two men have been killed

One of them had a scar on his

Bloody hell!

But then I stopped to think

I have read a lot

especially Sherlock Holmes.

And he say, "When you have

"my dear Watson, whatever remains,

"however improbable,

So I think, "Who remains that is

So that means I killed them.

Er... no. No, that's insane.

No, no.

It means you must have

Who?

Oh, Gino, I had it all planned.

I don't wanna die in pain, slowly.

I don't want you implicated.

Implicated in what?

But, like I said, it has to end now.

HE GASPS

I just want it over with.

Yeah, but, Arthur,

What choice have I got?

I've got a bloody guardian angel

Thanks for everything.

Er... maybe Rita

Maybe she doesn't want you

Are you saying that the woman

from beyond the grave?

Well... stranger things

Give me the gun.

I am such an idiot.

Get rid of it.

Gino.

Thank you.

Oh, hmm.

HE FLUSHES THE TOILET

Damn.

Finished.

Do you want me to go first?

Yeah, actually, would you mind?

DOOR CREAKS

THEY BOTH GASP

THEY BOTH SCREAM

Ugh!

Harold's second clue was...

"...Find what's missing

"The treasures are there,

What does that mean?

But we've just gotta start looking.

Got it.

What do you think about Jasper?

If it's a boy.

Those old-fashioned names

Darren, less chatter

See, I've always wanted a big

What are you talking about?!

Well, now that

Well, you know, that we'd,

have... you know, sex.

Oh, Darren! No!

It's just you're on your own and...

Yes, yes, I am on my own.

And this is not how

I thought I was going to get

and buy lots of lovely little

in my gorgeous house in Hampstead

But I am not!

All right.

SHE SIGHS

Here we are. Olivia's just

She's just stuck in traffic.

Appreciate that.

Thanks, guys.

Hi, Olivia, it's Tony Casemore.

I'm very sorry

Um... but I really do need you here

Oh! Oh!

Probably the worst thing is

The emeralds could be sitting

As we peek?

Oh, yes, very funny. Get it all out.

Oh, marvellous.

Now I get to enjoy

Come on, then, Gino, do your worst.

Everyone all right?

What's wrong with you?

Yeah, like I'd still be here

James think he's worked out

What door clue?

Wine. I mean wine clue.

HE WHIMPERS

What? No. Me? God, course not!

HE BANGS THE DESK

MAN: Ah!

Hello, sir.

Arthur Barnes. I wanna see him.

I'll try his room for you.

Um... Mr... Duck.

He doesn't appear to be there.

I'll wait.

What is this place?

What's down here?

Well, a fat lot of good you were.

Well, the deal is off.

It's mine! I found it!

It's not the moon, Anna.

What are you lot doing down here?

Oh, she has, has she?

That's when it wasn't real.

You've got more than enough money.

It's all about the chase, Sam.

Oh, my God!

Chateau Lafite '66.

THEY ALL GROAN

LOUD SOULFUL MUSIC PLAYS

Come on, come on, come on. Come on!

# Ever since the day you... #

Tony, there you are. We were

I had been looking for her.

I called her

and fumping well begged her.

Your friend's on the terrace, by the

Uh...

Mmm. Denny!

# ..You came

# So amazing... #

OK, so now we've got just

Everyone's disappeared.

I'm checking downstairs for 'em now.

DOOR SLAMS SHUT

Right, er... we need to be smarter

Darren, you said something

Er... yeah, yeah. So...

SHE MUTTERS SOFTLY:

Black Princess... Swan. Black swan.

SHE GASPS

What's this place?

Anna!

I've got something to show you

Oh, it's passing.

THE OTHERS CHATTER

Oh!

Oh, my waters just broke.

Oh, please tell me

BEN: All right, Anna, OK!

We need to get you out of here.

I want to stay here.

I just need a couple of minutes

Anna, we are here for you.

Oh, Mr Duck, there's Arthur Barnes.

Arthur Barnes!

I'm Gary Pointer. You stole my wife.

Turn round and face me, Arthur.

You're not Arthur Barnes.

I'm a messenger, Mr Pointer.

Argh!

OK. Who sent you?

Does it matter which?

You wouldn't leave your house,

I needed to find something

What about my boys? You killed 'em.

I know you who are.

Your reputation precedes you.

Goodbye, Mr Pointer.

Oi!

Tanya, get security

OK.

ANNA: No.

You cannot have your baby down here.

I like it down here, it's nice.

I'll carry you.

Or not.

Look, can you all just...

I just need a little bit of time

Oh, there's nothing to get your head

You're not the first

SHE WHIMPERS

You need to take deep breaths.

Since when did Hotel Babylon

Charlie?

Hi, gorgeous.

You know, there's something just

Have you had your hair cut?

Hmm. There goes the icebreaker.

What the hell are you doing here?

Tony called me.

You traitor! I told you

Look, just go away.

Anna, when you told me that, I...

In what world did you two think

the perfect time for a reunion?!

OK, how does everyone feel

about lifting

Nobody is going to touch me!

Anna... shut it.

Who are you?

Well, give us a hand. Come on.

We need to lift her, but we have

Perfect.

ALL CHATTER

Where the hell have you lot been?

Hey, you making a mistake.

His name's not Arthur.

He was here to kill him,

Killed my two boys as well.

Was one a skinny pale man

Yeah, yeah.

they haven't got anything on me.

Not so sure - the lobby was full of

His gun, self-defence.

Not if I give the police

You lied to me, Arthur.

We hold a grudge

Fanculo!

Are you OK?

Where have you been?

Let me guess.

What happened to

It might not be.

I told you,

MUTTERS IN CROATIAN

Where are you going?

You said Anna was in labour,

Charlie, why are you here?

That's pretty cool.

# No-one's ever made me feel

# That I could ever make it

# Lord, no-one ever gave me anything

# All they did was take it

# No-one, no-one ever held my hand

# When I needed them to

# Oh, no

# Nobody but you... #

I know exactly what I want

I wanna be with you... and the baby.

Charlie,

all I dreamed of

But I thought I was never gonna

I'm telling you right here,

I wanna be with you and the baby,

You're not here for me, you're just

the right thing for silly old

No, that's not it.

if it wasn't for the baby.

What if I lied to Tony?

Would you still want me then?

In a heartbeat.

I'm here for you.

Is it Ned's?

He didn't believe in sex before

And in other ways, too. He had

I love you, Anna.

I wanna be with you...

..and with our... our little baby.

I miss you. I miss your smile.

You know, life without you

Shut up and kiss me,

# Nobody but you

# Oh, yeah... #

Mmm. And I certainly missed that.

SHE LAUGHS

Listen...

Will you do me the honour

Mrs Anna Thornton-Wilton-Edwards?

Yes. Yes, yes, yes!

Oh, oh! Oh! Get off!

GROANING

Where's the ambulance?

I thought you called them.

Well, I thought he called them.

Oh, bollocks, I'll do it myself.

You've delivered a baby?

Juliet worked her gap year

I watched births.

Well, just don't tell Anna that.

ANNA GROANING

# Lean on me

# You got a friend... #

# ..No, no... #

Ho, ho, ho. Ho!

Well, you heard the lady.

All this waiting around

JAMES: Er... what's that?

She might need to cool down.

How do you know what

This is not my first baby, you know.

So what's that for?

ANNA: BLEEP BLEEP BLEEP!

Oh, Charlie, get your

MORE BLEEPING

I can't take any more pacing,

Do we know if it's a boy or a girl

ANNA GROANS,

BEN EXCLAIMS EXCITEDLY

BABY CRYING

Oh-ho-ho!

This is Scarlet Rose.

That's such a beautiful name.

I named her after

My lipstick.

Oh, for God's sake.

Her name's perfect.

SNIFFLES AND WHIMPERS

You've all been wonderful.

OK, guys, come on.

OK. Come on.

See you later.

Mr Evergreen,

Oh, my God, Mother!

Mother, I-I-I can explain.

SNIFFING

Ooh, I can smell her on you.

Mummy's gonna take care

You are the most

You get everything done

Yeah. I'll tell you about it later.

Sorted out a car for you.

Thank you.

It makes perfect sense when you

I'll wait outside.

Wanna go home?

See ya.

Darren, you'll find someone amazing.

Wow!

I cannot believe you just

I know.

BOTH LAUGH

Use it wisely.

Have a great life. You deserve it.

Thank you.

Look after that little girl, eh?

I'll never forget what you

Will get you a long way.

You gave me the happy ending

You know where we are

I left you a little thank you

So where are we going?

I've got a lovely little place.

Charlie.

I don't do "little".

CHARLIE: Darling,

ANNA: That's OK, I'll treat you.

You know, now that I'm a mother,

CHARLIE: Do you, now?

Well, the shops are in

ANNA: Charlie, relationships

I just gave you a child,

SAM: 'For some of us,

SIGHS

One day I would like to ride off

with the woman of my dreams.

'..the rest of us carry on,

'to find the buried treasure

'Until then, I guess we'll all

'..and look after our friends