Original subtitles

ANNA: The ultimate aim

every day, every week,

For those of us who work in them,

We have absolutely nothing available

Not because it needs money.

That's for the management

We love a full hotel

time for the workers

Two veal, one risotto, one beef.

And this time,

before the customers are heading

But when it's slow,

Hello, Neville, it's Tony.

Yeah, can you put me 50 quid

And with time on your hands,

it's hard to stay focused

And that's a real problem

I should go.

Mmm.

In half an hour

why I haven't booked any big events

And why, as a result, we're £150,000

Not your fault there haven't

I'm the boss now.

Well, I already told you

And I told you,

Oh, you're a nightmare!

I really, really

All right. And am I being

'A weekend without

'is a financial disaster

'Poor Charlie. What he needs right

Charlie! You're not going to

It's incredible! It's a miracle!

Wow!

Donald Stern is the most

This isn't just any function.

This is the society event

Naomi Stern is the heiress

Earl Archer is a multimillionaire,

this weekend.

It's great news, Emily,

Why does Donald Stern

when he owns three

Oh, he booked the Compton

but when Naomi found out

I mean, who wants their special day

I take it that you haven't informed

It's not as if we have any other

We have a book launch.

Millionaire dietary guru

on healthy eating

How much money do you think

I managed to get hold of Lizzie

So we haven't got

I can handle it.

This is exactly

to get this place talked about.

Yes. Think about the newspaper and

What's with all the paps outside?

I suppose all this

I might have made a couple of calls.

With a number one event

it would give you an easier ride

in the board meeting this morning,

Sound Anna out.

It's OK,

Thank you, Emily.

If this goes pear-shaped, it'll be

Mm-hm.

Get a snap, lads?

Brad Shelford. B-R-A-D.

Anything I tell you to do,

The Sterns are used to

and that's exactly

I know these people, Emily.

I understand perfectly

Of course you do.

Hope to see you soon.

There's no need to drag

Just five minutes with me and her

You must be Mr Shelford.

Here for the book launch?

You're in room 913.

I'd like to see someone ASAP

OK, I'll let

And I asked for the minibar

You know,

Mind over fatter.

Good night at the tables, Otto?

Uh, friendly warning.

You've got the day from hell

courtesy of your friend Emily.

I just want to say thank you so much

for putting my name forward

If I weren't so busy right now,

I'd be showing you

So, when you're in that meeting

I want you to think of me naked,

getting down on my knees

..contracts...

Well, that livened up

I just wanted to say thank you.

Actually, I did have

for recommending you to Emily.

I want you to watch her for me.

Because she never plays

I need someone that I can trust

Anything happens unusual,

you come to me, OK?

CLAMOURING VOICES

We anywhere near ready, Tony?

Not even close.

How the hell did they find us

We only left the Compton

I'll deal with that.

Mr Stern, I'm Charlie Edwards,

Heard a lot about you, Charlie.

I'm actually a huge admirer

and it's a pleasure

No, it isn't.

cos you're all gonna be buzzing

for the rest of the weekend!

Oh, Earl's going to love this place.

Makes the Compton look

It's perfect.

Perfect place

Let me introduce you to my daughter

How do you do?

Emily! Emily, how are you?

Helena!

She's made me the maid of honour.

The irony is totally lost on her.

Thanks for sorting this.

So, it's obviously

that you've chose the hotel.

No, the three of us

I take it

No, we were in the same house

Ah! Roedean.

Listen,

can I find you somewhere quiet

I'm gonna talk to Charlie.

Sounds terrifying.

We've got a special one there,

The key to doing last-minute

is to keep everything

But simple.

It's my little girl's wedding day!

but I want it to be

Absolutely, I understand.

Earl Archer is very young...

very rich, very American.

So, tell your staff

no slapdash.

and I'll have

You'll be second in line

Call me Donald.

I like you, Charlie,

You can count on me, Donald.

We found rooms on the ninth floor

How did you clear the other guests?

I told them Russian diplomats

had been staying in the rooms

If you'd like to follow

we'll have your luggage

and delivered directly

Ah, the old polonium-210 trick.

Is the restaurant going to be ready

Didn't you say you wanted it ready

Then it'll be ready by 7:00.

Where they practise their lines

It's where the guests and the family

all get to meet each other

isn't that right, Emily?

I wouldn't want to get my etiquette

If we all pull together,

And if it works, I promise you

What would we do without you?

My priority is the improvement

I started by bringing Otto here

and I will continue it

If anyone has a problem then...

I'm sure everybody is as keen as you

Now, given that you're all working

I'm gonna be introducing

Nobody uses the trunk any more.

We're gonna put all tips

and then divvy them out

Given the class of guests, I'm sure

So who's going to hold the kitty,

I think it would be better

Not you either,

All right, I'll do it.

With all due respect, my darling,

when it comes to money is yourself.

Guys, it has to be someone

Great, looks like we all agree.

Excuse me,

You're Earl Archer!

Anna Thornton-Wilton.

I saw the article

I had no idea that you donated

and to the landmine victims...

Well, you know,

And it also said that you've got

and Paris and Dubai. I mean, wow!

You wouldn't be angling for

Well, you never know

..Anna?

Actually, this weekend

my job is to look after

Mr Archer, I'm Emily,

Yeah, I'm her assistant.

Would you like to go up

or should I call her down here?

in this Vegas-style crap-shooting

or do I wanna go up

It's a tough decision.

Stressed, anxious, harassed.

Perhaps she'll calm down

Should have told her we were

You've got a lot to learn

Or maybe you have a lot to learn

You over-indulge her, Don,

How's the Brunswick?

Yeah, it's good. It'll do

So, if you're marrying his daughter,

Is it true he's worth $5 billion?

Well, if he is,

No. Some people are just not classy.

ANNA: A top class wedding

can cost you around £200,000.

Whatever your requirements,

Nothing's beyond our means.

And nothing is too much trouble.

You pay and we'll supply.

And what better place

than in a fully-stocked,

Put your big day in our hands

and you can guarantee yourself

And if you're happy, then so are we.

And the happier you are,

And the deeper you dig,

USA 3, England a stingy 1.

Excellent.

Oh, keep an eye

I'm sure I saw a couple of them palm

Uh, just remember if any

it's you we're bundling

Thanks, Tony.

But what's most important is

a fuller understanding, permanence,

This is Brad Shelford.

I salute you.

Here you go.

Mr Shelford, I'm James Schofield,

Ah, James, excellent.

I understand that you have

that you'd like to talk through.

I do indeed, James.

Just give the word and we can go

Oh, appreciate it, mate.

What can you possibly have to say

Oh, he has some worries

I said I'd be happy

Oh, but you hate it when guests

No, I hate it

wants his chicken nuggets

Mr Shelford is an entirely

Who is this Shelford guy?

Million pound book deal.

Mm.

A lot of competitors are looking

In case you haven't noticed,

Oh, don't worry,

Sweetheart? Earl, come and say hello

If you could make a few enquiries,

No, just call it a gut instinct.

Have you seen Emily?

Working the room, apparently.

I thought he was joking.

Especially as he was just standing

Did you want something?

Well, yes,

I think they may be shoes.

Well, I hardly need them now, do I?

Right, so what would you like me

Well, why don't you take it up

and check if Jackie has sorted

OK.

Emily keeping you busy?

Oh, yes. Yes, I'm running around

while she just sits there laughing

And now I have to take this up

Mmm. If you need a hand...

Don't tempt me.

Because I probably couldn't resist.

What are you doing fraternising

It may look like I'm enjoying myself

Making sure everyone else

Because if everyone has a good time,

and if they come back

It's nothing to do with the fact

Of course not.

Everything OK?

You on for the party?

Ah! Another successful launch.

A lesser man

I'm going to powder my nose.

Lovely girl.

Yeah. She has her uses. Hmm.

I used to be married, you know.

Oh, yes. Eight stone heavier,

Now, living the dream, my friend.

What's the secret?

All my secrets are in here, Gino.

Hey.

Thank you very much.

I have taken the liberty

where we might adapt

Oh, thank you, James.

I'm afraid most people fail

that what you put into your body

Absolutely. My body is my temple.

Yes. But sadly, the worshippers

I thought here...

Er...

Time for bed, lads.

He's living the dream.

Oh!

Mmm.

It's a bit big.

Hello, Mrs Edwards. Oh, yes!

You took your time.

Little bit slow on the uptake.

Is this what you've been

getting me alone in a bedroom?

Yeah,

What?

Nothing. Just missed you

Oh, I should put this back.

You wait your whole life

and it has to be perfect,

Yeah, I suppose so.

Charlie, don't get any ideas.

Have you ever been close

What's so funny?

I have never thought about

No-one's ever been rich enough.

Think back to all of your

has there ever been anyone

Well, interesting. Hmm...

Eve was... No, she had a kid.

Charlie.

No. My parents were divorced

It was horrendous.

And any of my other friends that

end up living in a two-up two-down

and absolutely non-existent

I couldn't survive like that.

You're not taking me seriously.

Yeah?

I'm taking you so seriously

I will never ruin what we have

I should go

Mmm.

Am I gonna see you later?

OK.

'Welcome to WeightShedders.

Bring it on, big boy.

Time for Gino to live the dream.

'Are you going out?'

I've been looking forward to getting

for a month and a half.

And what am I supposed to do?

What? Again?

You're the one with the strict diet

not me.

Can't we just have

Not when I've got Mayfair

Do you love me?

I thought I said the most you could

You've spent eight

You want me to look

I'm not bloody made of money.

There's a good boy. Not good for

Be a sweetheart

Lend?

When you're feeling down,

Thank your lucky stars

Mis cojones!

Come in.

Mr Shelford, it's James Schofield.

Oh! James.

We didn't get a chance

I hoped we could get it organised

Right. Erm...

Do you think we could do that

Yes. Yes, of course.

Is everything all right?

Yeah, just a long day.

Well, I would just like to say

that I'm thrilled that you chose

at Hotel Babylon.

I hope you appreciate

It's always good

Well, more of a grateful acolyte,

You helped me through

Did I?

So if there's anything I can do

No. No, I'll be fine. Thank you.

"My biggest vice

"Actually, cheese generally.

"and I can achieve my target weight

I email this

Oh, you don't think

Come on, he needs to have

I think it's hysterical.

Yeah. Now, wherever he goes,

people only see Mr Blobby.

SOMEONE TUTS

Ironic, eh? Diligently handing over

when I'd be better off

It's not what it looks like.

If they paid you enough

you wouldn't have to find ways

I'll put it back.

You obviously have some use for it.

The ironic thing is, I was actually

A favour that involves

I don't see how I can help.

I've got a particularly

My business manager's in France

and I can't get hold

Three grand should cover it.

I can't lend you

It's three grand, Ben.

Well, not to you maybe.

So you can't help me but you can

You'd better start building

because when I tell your

they're going to string you up.

You wouldn't tell them.

I can't.

Wait.

Congratulations

I hope you've got plenty of cheese

What?

I said, I hope there's plenty

Either he suffers from

and can't remember anything

or he's feeding Venezuela

What is it?

The guy in room 913 has ordered

I'm glad I'm not cooking it.

Let me see that.

Job getting to you?

You know, there've been

on the ninth floor.

Loud music, shouting.

Jackie is not happy.

She swanned upstairs with the bride

Does she ever do any work?

Here we go again. Reception.

Yes, we are dealing

Another night out on the town

Sour grapes, Tony?

When he worked

he used to borrow money

and then blow it

He was earning a hundred times

Never paid the poor sods back.

If there's one thing that the Yanks

it's tip.

This is for the trunk.

It's not great.

Everyone but Donald Stern's been

Tone?

You seen Anna knocking about?

I've been doing some

and there's definitely

coming from the Donald Stern camp.

Mm. Well, I'm gonna get off

I've got some bits and bobs to do.

If you hear anything,

OK.

LOUD MUSIC

I'm looking for Emily.

Anyone called Emily here?

Emily has left the building.

I'm getting married in ten hours.

Is she OK?

Aren't you, Naomi?

Don't you think you ought to

I don't want to take the bride

to have her stomach pumped

She'll be getting

Plus there have been complaints

How do I look?

Is this a party or what?

Let's take it to the streets.

GROANS

God!

What's going on? This is the fourth

We came here for a nice, quiet,

Oh, is it an anniversary or...

Oh, we're not married, dear.

RAUCOUS LAUGHTER

What the hell do you think

Put the fire extinguisher

Oops.

Let's go and find our room

Emily!

Oh, good for you, James.

I've heard of falling off the wagon,

Come in.

What are you doing back?

and I sensed a crisis point

Will the young lady be joining you?

Or do you intend eating

She left.

She got what she wanted for the

So, what? You thought you'd eat

What else have I got?

Not quite everyone.

What's the point of it all, James?

Stand up.

Do you remember what you wrote

"When you're feeling lost, count

Yeah, but...

"At your heaviest time,

"that one day

"Goal achieved is a joy received."

And you've achieved all your goals,

This bleak feeling

"If you're feeling lost, count your

Exactly! Feeling better?

Much.

What would you like me to do

You can remove the trolleys.

I will leave you

and a summer berry smoothie.

Good night, Brad.

Thank you.

'Yes?'

Hello, sweetheart.

It's me.

It's Brad.

RAUCOUS LAUGHTER

Stop! Back!

Emily?

You will let me out of here

or you will be leaving this hotel

faster than you can say the word

I've never been threatened

Do not laugh at me.

I'm a person of position,

That's handy, I was just about

How dare you?

You're drunk,

and you're heading for

so I suggest you just stay there.

You're not going anywhere,

You really need to sleep it off.

We'll make your excuses

and make sure no-one comes in here

SNORING

..morning.

She is so wasted.

Goodbye, ice maiden,

You think she'll remember

Well, if she doesn't, she'll

Although we should probably

I don't think Charlie would be too

Actually, knowing Charlie,

Is that before or after

Can I ask you something?

Yeah.

When you guys were together,

Like, that things could become

Charlie?

No. Don't get me wrong.

I think he's an amazing guy,

..forget it.

MUTTERS

SCREAMS

What is she doing

She's sleeping off a hangover.

Tanya, get back to work and

Do you think that we can trust her

I think we can trust it

in the next minute and a half.

GROANS

Hey, you got five hours' sleep.

and Anna had to make do

Charlie's on his way and so we

Have we six hours

Yeah, maybe the Andrex puppy look

I did manage to find you

Mmm.

I just wanted to spend some time

I know it's your job

but don't you think

Mmm. Naomi's practically family.

My dad and Donald Stern

Who's your father?

"The" Damien Rushby?

It was the Rushby Hotels

that inspired me

He was the first person

And he promoted me to a very

Really? What was that?

Acting assistant

Yeah. We've all been chambermaids

You know, if he was my father,

I wouldn't bother

No, I don't want any handouts,

I'm gonna take that bath.

Thank you.

You Gouda to go, James?

Ricotta lot to talk about!

Go, while there's Stilton!

STIFLED LAUGHTER

They're clapping.

that you're as fallible

And as the next person is you, Anna,

What are you doing?

Oh. James, meeting you,

seeing what keeping up

made me realise something.

What?

Oh, Carla. Excellent.

You're just in time to witness a man

Who?

So, if you could just pack your bags

that'd be great.

I don't care.

I'm not gonna need it.

See, James, you were right.

Fact is, I was always much happier

it was like this huge weight

I mean, how ironic is that, eh?

They're here already.

Not any more, babe.

Oh, James, there'll be

And if there's any extra bacon...

Still on your winning streak?

Morning.

There were a lot of complaints

Uh, yeah. A couple of the wedding

but we sorted it out eventually

Everything OK?

Morning, Charlie.

You all right?

Yeah, it was just a long night,

Anna, why don't I finish that

and you take a break for an hour

Sure you'll be OK?

OK, thanks, Emily.

What is this?

Just forging good relationships

Talking of which,

Actually, like Emily said,

so I'm gonna go

Sure.

You wanted me to get back to you

when I had something concrete

Thank you.

Did you get the other night tips?

Mind if I take a look?

Why?

Does anyone else

Why?

Because this is light,

KNOCK ON DOOR

Donald Stern's business

He's lost a lot of money

and if he gets through the weekend

without having a writ slapped on

So, what are we gonna do?

Well, I'm gonna cancel

Then I'm gonna ask

We can scrape

by asking the guests who stayed last

and then there's

that should cover

What?

I waived the deposit.

If you can't trust him

It's a shame you didn't

when we opened our doors to him,

We can't cancel the wedding,

The hotel needs events like this.

We can't haemorrhage any more money,

These people are rich,

It's all about reputation.

If we pull this off, we become

If we throw in the towel,

That's all very well,

expecting a six-course meal tonight

Well, we can give them something,

What do you suggest?

The last thing they'd expect.

You said yourself that no-one else

which means no-one else

Come on, Tony.

Just goes to show you never

It's a mistake. Tell them, Ben.

You don't really need me here.

It is your money as well.

It's a piffling amount and it's not

It's not about how much,

Have I just stepped into

Did you take money, Ben?

I did take some money.

What?

What? Great.

You didn't even need to break out

What was it for, Ben?

My mum needs to fly out.

I was gonna use the money

Sorry I let everyone down.

But there's over three grand

I can't say. You're gonna have to.

I made a promise.

Look,

Come on. Let me have a word

Thank you for coming down, Mr Stern.

We're leaving for the church

I'll be as quick as I can.

Can I get you a drink, a tea?

Well, I don't quite know

I suggest you cut to the chase,

According to this,

as of this morning,

Am I right?

You knew this before you came here.

You used your relationship

to secure your wedding

You also used it

Anybody else in your party

No.

Why weren't you straight with her?

It's not Naomi.

It's Earl. I couldn't let him

Still can't.

I'm in a financial slump, Charlie.

And I admit that being linked

can only be of benefit to me,

first and foremost,

wanting the best possible

..for his only daughter.

APPLAUSE

I've never seen her so happy.

Please, I beg of you, Charlie...

..don't bring it all

Where did the rest of the money go?

I told you. I made a promise.

You mean

Ben, how about

and you nod or shake your head

Did Gino take the money?

James?

Otto?

I want the three grand

What are you talking about?

You forced Ben to give you

I presume he told you that.

I'd just like to know which of you

You do have a history

Are you having a bad weekend

Doesn't exactly take a genius

Well, that's good news for you,

Where is the three grand?

Spent. Gone.

I can't believe all this bleating

One night in the kitchen,

Then why take it in the first

Tony, put him down.

There's no point

because it now belongs to the hotel.

We've got a major problem.

Donald Stern

What?

Which means there'll be

and the wedding supper

But I want maximum impact

It also means reluctantly

that in order to recoup

I'm gonna have to take the trunk.

Oh, Charlie.

I'm sure if Charlie

of our hard-earned cash

he's thought of a nice way

It's amazing.

Thank you so much, Daddy.

How are you feeling?

We've managed

from the front of the hotel

I don't know

Well, there is something

It's not for me, it's for my staff.

Bloody Michelin star chef

Otto, you work for the hotel,

which means you do

And right now we need great,

So muck in like everyone else.

Otto Clark is written

they have got a commis chef

cooking fish and bloody chips

Yes, well, once we get through

And if you've got any sense,

You're too good

WE'RE too good for it!

Why not?

What... No!

It's not going to change

This place

cos the people who work in it

love their jobs

They're morons!

It's people like you

Selfish, arrogant,

I want to be part of a team

this is the best team in London.

Oh, God!

Good luck. You're going to need it.

ANNA: A top-class wedding

can cost you around £200,000.

Nothing is beyond our means

You pay and we will supply.

Yes, Cava.

At last, people appreciate you.

This isn't the menu I organised.

Isn't this fish and chips?

And mushy peas. Shabby chic.

What a fantastic idea!

I couldn't agree more.

Put your big day in our hands

and you can guarantee

And the happier you are,

What we offer is a chance

But the providers of those dreams

Bye.

You ready?

Give them the call, then.

Welcome to Hotel Babylon.

For the next two days,

you'll be running the place.

So, as from now, my staff

Thank you.

Everyone likes to be indulged,

Or it's been hard-earned.

Thank you.

Neville?

Can you put me 50 quid on the 2:30

And what's the reward for?

Mmm! God...

The team is what it's all about.

Budge up.

I spy with my little eye

The most important thing

You didn't tell me that Emily

Oh, I'm sorry, I was going to.

And what really happened

I told you,

but we dealt with it.

Anna, did I say something

No, you just said what you thought.