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CHARLIES: 'London Town,
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'are won and lost
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'Where you can be
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'and the king of the castle
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'When is a hotel not a hotel?
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'Hey presto!
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'a Grand Prix victory celebration,
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'or the perfect venue
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'your new range
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'for cash-strapped girls
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'For the right price, we'll turn
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APPLAUSE
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'So if you've worked up an appetite
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'and want a three-course lunch
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'a fifth of a carrot and a glass
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'no problem.
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'If you want to celebrate with
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'no problem.
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'After the show, if you want a bath
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'No questions asked,
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'except do you want it
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'In many ways, fashion and hotels
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Ugh! Look at them all,
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Yes, but are they beautiful
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When they look that good
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'We're both glamorous,
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'and all about the money.'
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It's Christopher Price.
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Who?
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He is the only man who can make me
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Without De Rigeur,
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whether I left my flat at night.
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Let me make it easy for you.
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'In the hotel business,
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'the unwritten rule is that
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'And yet sometimes, just sometimes,
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'to stand up and be counted.'
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'At such moments, the unwritten rule
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'..for what does it profit a man
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'and lose his own soul?'
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THEME TUNE
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Oh, my God! It's the Astrix dress.
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Gorgeous. Go.
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APPLAUSE AND CHEERS
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So this is what you call
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I couldn't resist
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what I'm gonna be wearing
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Are you gonna return to reception
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or have we lost you forever?
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You know, when I was a girl,
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people were forever telling
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So, Tony, which show do you think
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Les Mis or Phantom of the Opera?
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Well, I think that madam would find
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Oh, sweet Jesus! That is so cute.
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What?
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Most agreeable.
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One more time.
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I officially turn 40 years old.
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I beg you, please don't let this be
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the prevailing memory
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Happy birthday!
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I'm expecting a courier parcel
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When it arrives,
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Ooh, a new top secret design,
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incorporating De Rigeur's
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bringing the show
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Just call me
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Yes, sir.
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Sir!
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SHE GIGGLES
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that it says here that you're
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And? And, well, this is gonna sound
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but your Astrix dress...
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It's going to be huge.
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And I was just wondering if
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of being able to get my hands
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You want me to find you an Astrix?
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To be one of the first women
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I can't tell you what it'd be
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It would feel utterly amazing.
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I will pay for it, of course.
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You don't want one of those dresses.
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No, you don't.
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Look, just call me
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Time for a management meeting.
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What?
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Bloody hell.
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That would explain it.
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Why he's polishing her teeth
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So, come on, Gino, we're all
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Well, I read that Vladimir Putin,
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So I think I learn judo.
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What did they do?
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No. They put me in with the kids.
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So, what? A kid did it?
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I'm sweating, so I take a shower,
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smash my arm on the tap.
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ALL: Surprise!
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# Happy birthday to you.
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# Happy birthday, dear Tony... #
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# Happy birthday to you. #
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APPLAUSE AND CHEERS
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Happy birthday, Tony.
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Sorry I'm late. I had an early
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Oh, you poor thing.
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Happy birthday, Tony.
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We got you a present.
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Ah, I think I know what that is.
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After all,
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And what might that be?
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Digital radio, so I can listen to
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Oh.
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It's a ledger.
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Yeah, so you can write down
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Yeah. All my little errands.
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Yes. That's great. Thank you.
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Thanks very much.
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because the older I get, you know,
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What we thought.
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# For he's a jolly good fellow
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# For he's a jolly good... #
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Shut up, Gino.
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APPLAUSE
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All set for
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Well, who would argue
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hasn't been the dog's bollocks
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Financially,
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The only way that counts.
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But doesn't there come a point
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to consider precisely how we're
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Everything in our garden
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Why do you have to come along,
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unzip your excellently tailored
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Look, this issue doesn't have to be
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Handled properly,
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A tenner says whoever came up
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was never answerable
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COMPERE: 'Ladies and gentlemen,
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'please put your hands together
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'chairman and CEO of De Rigeur Ltd,
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APPLAUSE
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OK, item two on the agenda.
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Jury from the Old Bailey.
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They're unable to reach a verdict
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so they're gonna stay in the hotel
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They'll be booking
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the West London Aquarium
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The court's requested just
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for the duration of their stay.
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Tony?
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Oh, come on, it's his 40th.
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Yeah, I'm sure he's already
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Well, I never really
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Your wife's probably planning
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as soon as you get home.
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Well, if she has,
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But wouldn't she anyway
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Then it wouldn't be a surprise.
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Well, maybe the surprise is
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Maybe the surprise is what the
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Have you had a stroke?
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Why don't we call her and find out?
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Charlie, that's really unfair.
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Sorry, but this could be the start
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It's really important that
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It's OK, fine.
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OK. Item three.
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Tonight's banquet for De Rigeur's
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Well, once they've de-rigged
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we can move in and turn the room
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Meanwhile, Adam's well underway
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Good, good. I take it you've got
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Silver service to a gold standard.
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Did you make that up yourself?
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Well?
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Erm, nothing planned.
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Tone, the job's yours
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Quadruple pay, I hasten to add.
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One for each decade.
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Right, I'm gonna get to work.
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Thanks.
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WHEELS SQUEAK
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Welcome to Hotel Babylon, madam.
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My wheel's broken.
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Well, I could fix that for you
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faster than the Lewis Hamilton
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No idea what you're talking about,
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but does that mean you can fix
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Round here they call me the Spanner.
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At my old school, that wouldn't
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Perhaps if madam removed her gum...
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she would be able to taste that the
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I don't wanna talk to you any more.
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Yeah, almost there.
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You know, the President of Russia
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is a big fan of judo as well,
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so when he come over to London,
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he give me the call
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Chewing gum stuck in there...
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As if by magic.
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WHEELS SQUEAK
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Thank you, madam.
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Everything OK, Mr Price?
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I was just wanting to say how well
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to switch from the Burlington
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Well, I'm very pleased to hear that.
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And assuming tonight's dinner
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You have my word on it.
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Then in addition
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we'll switch all our events
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as a matter of course.
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Word will spread about
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I have a lot of the right kind
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I look forward to welcoming them
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MOBILE RINGS
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Yes.
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Jury is due in two minutes.
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I'll just give this to Anna.
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I want you to be here to meet
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All right.
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HE SIGHS
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So there's your room key.
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If you take the lift to the sixth
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Thank you, Anna.
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CASE WHEELS SQUEAK
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This has been delivered
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Ooh, I've been personally asked
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and then call him on his mobile
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Well, it's arrived.
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Mr Duncan.
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My DVD.
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Look, if I was unpleasant earlier,
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I'm under a lot of pressure.
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Oh, no need to apologise.
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Well, not literally,
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Hang on.
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You didn't get this from me,
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but, let me guess,
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I don't know what to say.
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Trust me, there's nothing
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Look, if you want it, take it.
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Thank you.
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Ben, 13 members
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Aquarium.
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13 members of the
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Association.
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13 members of the West London
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to check in please.
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Certainly, sir.
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Cheers.
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Does it really not bother you
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on the exploitation of a workforce
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We pay the minimum wage
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That's all anyone needs to know.
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No. We pay our
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to pay the workers minimum wage,
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They dole out corn feed
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I make high fashion for the high
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This isn't a fair world and,
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I'm not bloody Michael Moore.
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Look, this is a DVD of secret
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taken by an NGO in the region.
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Our trademark tiny buttons are being
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David, there are people on the pay
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I have it on record
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get one toilet break
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If they ask for food,
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This is too big for PR to swallow.
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If this gets out,
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would sooner wear rags
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So please, watch the DVD.
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You seriously think I've got nothing
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LIFT BELL DINGS
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Sixth floor.
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OK, OK. It's not
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Thanks.
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Thank you.
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at having to stay here for
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It's hardly your fault.
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You can let go of me now.
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Oh, my God. I'm very, very sorry.
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No apology necessary or required.
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I'm Tony, by the way,
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Justine.
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KNOCK ON DOOR
287
00:15:50,160 --> 00:15:52,960
Who is it?
288
00:15:52,960 --> 00:15:53,960
Just a minute.
289
00:15:55,480 --> 00:15:58,960
Oh, you're not Tony.
290
00:15:58,960 --> 00:16:01,160
Well, I didn't order
291
00:16:01,160 --> 00:16:03,960
It's on the house.
292
00:16:08,960 --> 00:16:09,960
Enjoy.
293
00:16:30,480 --> 00:16:31,960
SHE SIGHS
294
00:16:34,960 --> 00:16:37,960
Erm... A white wine, please.
295
00:16:42,960 --> 00:16:44,960
SHE EXHALES
296
00:16:44,960 --> 00:16:46,960
Concierge.
297
00:16:46,960 --> 00:16:48,960
Hello.
298
00:16:48,960 --> 00:16:51,960
Hello, Justine.
299
00:16:51,960 --> 00:16:55,960
What? Hang on, I'll check for you.
300
00:16:55,960 --> 00:16:57,960
Yes. I can confirm that it is me.
301
00:16:57,960 --> 00:17:00,960
What's the name of the alias
302
00:17:00,960 --> 00:17:04,480
Erm...
303
00:17:04,480 --> 00:17:07,960
Association.
304
00:17:07,960 --> 00:17:10,960
Tony, I need you to come up
305
00:17:10,960 --> 00:17:13,960
What for?
306
00:17:15,310 --> 00:17:17,310
Because I need you. Now.
307
00:17:18,960 --> 00:17:19,960
HE CLEARS HIS THROAT
308
00:17:19,960 --> 00:17:21,960
SHE SIGHS
309
00:17:21,960 --> 00:17:24,960
Everything OK?
310
00:17:26,960 --> 00:17:27,960
You don't look fine.
311
00:17:27,960 --> 00:17:30,960
I mean, you do look fine,
312
00:17:30,960 --> 00:17:34,960
if I may be so Italian.
313
00:17:34,960 --> 00:17:37,960
In fact, the last person to look
314
00:17:37,960 --> 00:17:40,160
My grandmother,
315
00:17:40,160 --> 00:17:41,960
Oh. What happened?
316
00:17:41,960 --> 00:17:44,640
Well, she was taking
317
00:17:44,640 --> 00:17:46,800
along the cliff tops near Sorrento.
318
00:17:46,800 --> 00:17:48,800
She throw a stick for him to fetch.
319
00:17:48,800 --> 00:17:51,960
Unfortunately, the stick was caught
320
00:17:51,960 --> 00:17:53,960
and it went over
321
00:17:53,960 --> 00:17:57,960
Determined to catch the stick,
322
00:17:57,960 --> 00:18:01,960
Oh, that's a terrible story.
323
00:18:01,960 --> 00:18:04,000
They found Benito.
324
00:18:04,000 --> 00:18:06,960
No. He washed up on the shore
325
00:18:06,960 --> 00:18:08,960
all broken and no eyes.
326
00:18:08,960 --> 00:18:11,960
SHE GASPS
327
00:18:12,960 --> 00:18:15,960
In his last moments, just before,
328
00:18:15,960 --> 00:18:18,960
little Benito must have been
329
00:18:18,960 --> 00:18:21,960
Oh.
330
00:18:21,960 --> 00:18:25,640
I'm just under a lot of pressure
331
00:18:25,640 --> 00:18:27,960
Oh, what work do you do?
332
00:18:27,960 --> 00:18:29,640
Oh, I'm a journalist.
333
00:18:29,640 --> 00:18:31,960
I'm doing a piece
334
00:18:31,960 --> 00:18:33,960
people get up to in the workplace.
335
00:18:33,960 --> 00:18:35,960
But everyone I've spoken to
336
00:18:35,960 --> 00:18:38,960
is too scared to reveal
337
00:18:38,960 --> 00:18:42,800
OK, look. Because you have
338
00:18:42,800 --> 00:18:44,960
I will tell you a little secret.
339
00:18:51,960 --> 00:18:54,960
Vote not guilty tomorrow
340
00:18:54,960 --> 00:18:56,640
in the following bank account.
341
00:18:56,640 --> 00:18:58,960
What's all this about?
342
00:18:58,960 --> 00:19:00,960
I can see that, but why you?
343
00:19:00,960 --> 00:19:03,960
Nine of the jurors voted guilty,
344
00:19:03,960 --> 00:19:04,960
I think he's probably guilty,
345
00:19:04,960 --> 00:19:07,000
but there's not enough evidence
346
00:19:07,000 --> 00:19:08,960
The reason we're staying
347
00:19:08,960 --> 00:19:09,960
is because I can't make up my mind.
348
00:19:09,960 --> 00:19:12,160
Well, if you think
349
00:19:12,160 --> 00:19:13,480
you got to say not guilty.
350
00:19:13,480 --> 00:19:15,960
No majority verdict, the case
351
00:19:15,960 --> 00:19:17,000
and a possible murderer walks free.
352
00:19:17,000 --> 00:19:19,480
I don't think I can live
353
00:19:19,480 --> 00:19:22,960
Well, obviously this 500,000 is
354
00:19:22,960 --> 00:19:23,960
What do I do?
355
00:19:23,960 --> 00:19:26,960
I'm merely here to serve,
356
00:19:26,960 --> 00:19:28,960
Come on, Tony, help me.
357
00:19:30,960 --> 00:19:31,960
What are you doing?
358
00:19:31,960 --> 00:19:33,960
I'm helping you by giving you
359
00:19:39,960 --> 00:19:41,960
There.
360
00:19:41,960 --> 00:19:44,960
A lesser man would've just
361
00:19:45,960 --> 00:19:46,960
Drink.
362
00:19:50,960 --> 00:19:52,960
OK, now what?
363
00:19:54,160 --> 00:19:58,960
OK, before you do anything
364
00:20:00,160 --> 00:20:02,640
Be careful.
365
00:20:02,640 --> 00:20:03,960
I'm only gonna check my computer.
366
00:20:03,960 --> 00:20:07,960
Well, don't delete
367
00:20:11,960 --> 00:20:13,320
TV IN BACKGROUND
368
00:20:31,960 --> 00:20:33,960
Charlie, can I talk to you?
369
00:20:33,960 --> 00:20:35,960
What do you know about De Rigeur?
370
00:20:35,960 --> 00:20:37,960
Only what I needed to to woo
371
00:20:37,960 --> 00:20:40,960
What, so you don't know anything
372
00:20:40,960 --> 00:20:42,960
or their treatment of the workforce?
373
00:20:42,960 --> 00:20:44,960
You know that package
374
00:20:44,960 --> 00:20:47,960
Apparently, it's secret footage
375
00:20:47,960 --> 00:20:48,960
Hang on.
376
00:20:49,960 --> 00:20:51,640
James, I managed to get hold
377
00:20:51,640 --> 00:20:52,960
He's gonna give us
378
00:20:52,960 --> 00:20:54,960
at the Moet price
379
00:20:54,960 --> 00:20:57,160
Keep this up and we'll have
380
00:20:57,160 --> 00:20:58,960
Charlie...
381
00:20:58,960 --> 00:21:00,960
You really need to stop listening
382
00:21:00,960 --> 00:21:02,960
Charlie, no-one loves their clothes
383
00:21:02,960 --> 00:21:04,640
so I don't take this lightly
384
00:21:04,640 --> 00:21:06,960
when I say I think you need
385
00:21:06,960 --> 00:21:09,960
Anna, I can't do this with you any
386
00:21:09,960 --> 00:21:12,960
and I'm not gonna jeopardise
387
00:21:12,960 --> 00:21:14,800
I get it.
388
00:21:14,800 --> 00:21:17,000
Winning this from the Burlington
389
00:21:17,000 --> 00:21:18,960
Not just for me,
390
00:21:18,960 --> 00:21:21,960
I know I'm the last person you'd
391
00:21:21,960 --> 00:21:22,960
Absolutely the very last.
392
00:21:22,960 --> 00:21:24,960
Now, I have to go
393
00:21:24,960 --> 00:21:26,960
And if you take a look down.
394
00:21:26,960 --> 00:21:29,960
You'll see you're wearing a uniform,
395
00:21:29,960 --> 00:21:32,800
which means you have to go
396
00:21:45,160 --> 00:21:47,000
Looking for something
397
00:21:47,000 --> 00:21:48,960
What?
398
00:21:48,960 --> 00:21:50,960
Paris Hilton having sex for money?
399
00:21:50,960 --> 00:21:52,960
I'm checking the weather, Gino.
400
00:21:52,960 --> 00:21:54,960
But you work inside all day.
401
00:21:54,960 --> 00:21:58,960
Yeah, but I like to know
402
00:21:58,960 --> 00:22:02,960
I gotta give the guests advice,
403
00:22:02,960 --> 00:22:05,960
You take this job way too seriously,
404
00:22:14,000 --> 00:22:17,640
Jesus H Christ and the disciples.
405
00:22:23,960 --> 00:22:26,960
Even if any of what you say is true,
406
00:22:26,960 --> 00:22:29,960
phenomenally good money, to stay.
407
00:22:29,960 --> 00:22:31,960
My job is to manage the hotel, Anna,
408
00:22:31,960 --> 00:22:33,960
not make moral judgment
409
00:22:33,960 --> 00:22:36,320
That was spoken like a true whore.
410
00:22:37,960 --> 00:22:39,960
I trust you'll take that back
411
00:22:48,640 --> 00:22:50,960
Where would you draw the line,
412
00:22:50,960 --> 00:22:52,960
Who would you be prepared
413
00:22:52,960 --> 00:22:55,960
What, a South London villain? Na.
414
00:22:55,960 --> 00:22:57,960
A corrupt stockbroker?
415
00:22:57,960 --> 00:22:58,960
Arms dealer? Doubt it.
416
00:22:58,960 --> 00:23:02,960
Murderer? Why would you?
417
00:23:02,960 --> 00:23:05,960
If you found out
418
00:23:05,960 --> 00:23:08,960
was a child abuser,
419
00:23:08,960 --> 00:23:11,160
Have you gone completely mad?
420
00:23:11,160 --> 00:23:13,960
Christopher Price is knowingly
421
00:23:13,960 --> 00:23:14,960
to be abused in his name.
422
00:23:14,960 --> 00:23:17,960
Jesus Christ, Anna.
423
00:23:17,960 --> 00:23:21,960
Well, if it's true, why not?
424
00:23:21,960 --> 00:23:22,960
Mr Edwards.
425
00:23:25,960 --> 00:23:28,960
I need to speak with you.
426
00:23:28,960 --> 00:23:30,960
Of course.
427
00:23:56,320 --> 00:23:57,960
PEN DINGS
428
00:23:57,960 --> 00:24:00,960
May I take your order?
429
00:24:00,960 --> 00:24:04,960
Today, half a dozen Swedish oysters,
430
00:24:04,960 --> 00:24:06,960
Sounds marvellous.
431
00:24:06,960 --> 00:24:09,640
And to drink?
432
00:24:09,640 --> 00:24:10,960
What would you recommend?
433
00:24:10,960 --> 00:24:13,960
May I suggest a bottle
434
00:24:13,960 --> 00:24:15,960
SHE SPEAKS FRENCH
435
00:24:19,320 --> 00:24:21,960
Merci, madame. Mon plaisir.
436
00:24:21,960 --> 00:24:23,160
THEY CHUCKLE
437
00:24:23,160 --> 00:24:26,960
But don't go swapping the labels
438
00:24:26,960 --> 00:24:29,640
Madam, please.
439
00:24:29,640 --> 00:24:31,960
There isn't a sommelier
440
00:24:31,960 --> 00:24:33,960
I'm not offended that you think
441
00:24:33,960 --> 00:24:35,960
I'm offended that you think
442
00:24:35,960 --> 00:24:37,960
to someone of your obvious
443
00:24:37,960 --> 00:24:39,960
Oh.
444
00:24:40,960 --> 00:24:42,960
So...
445
00:24:43,960 --> 00:24:48,320
..what is the greatest vintage wine
446
00:24:48,320 --> 00:24:50,480
Well...
447
00:24:50,480 --> 00:24:52,960
..that would have to be
448
00:24:52,960 --> 00:24:56,960
from some ghastly soap actor
449
00:24:56,960 --> 00:25:00,960
"The most expensive bottle
450
00:25:00,960 --> 00:25:02,960
You swapped the labels.
451
00:25:02,960 --> 00:25:05,800
I'm afraid I did a little more
452
00:25:05,800 --> 00:25:08,960
Oh, wickedness.
453
00:25:08,960 --> 00:25:10,960
THEY LAUGH
454
00:25:13,960 --> 00:25:15,640
Mr Duncan, what's going on?
455
00:25:15,640 --> 00:25:18,960
I'm being escorted from
456
00:25:22,960 --> 00:25:24,960
Anna.
457
00:25:24,960 --> 00:25:26,320
Price has just informed me
458
00:25:26,320 --> 00:25:28,320
that David Duncan's been sacked
459
00:25:28,320 --> 00:25:29,960
He wants him off
460
00:25:29,960 --> 00:25:31,960
Well, that just proves
461
00:25:31,960 --> 00:25:33,160
He's watched the film,
462
00:25:33,160 --> 00:25:34,960
and rather than act against
463
00:25:34,960 --> 00:25:36,960
he's acted against the person
464
00:25:36,960 --> 00:25:39,960
Please. Can you just...
465
00:25:39,960 --> 00:25:42,160
to be known as the venue choice
466
00:25:42,160 --> 00:25:43,960
you have to do something about this.
467
00:25:46,960 --> 00:25:49,960
'More often than not, the moment
468
00:25:49,960 --> 00:25:52,800
'and do the right thing
469
00:25:52,800 --> 00:25:54,960
'by fanfare or blinding light.
470
00:25:54,960 --> 00:25:57,960
'More often than not,
471
00:25:57,960 --> 00:25:59,960
'That look is a question.
472
00:25:59,960 --> 00:26:02,960
'The question is,
473
00:26:04,000 --> 00:26:06,000
'"Or are you something less?"'
474
00:26:14,000 --> 00:26:17,960
'We recognise the question
475
00:26:17,960 --> 00:26:21,960
'"Am I the person I thought I was
476
00:26:23,960 --> 00:26:24,960
KNOCK AT DOOR
477
00:26:24,960 --> 00:26:26,960
Who is it?
478
00:26:26,960 --> 00:26:29,960
If it's really Tony,
479
00:26:31,800 --> 00:26:32,960
Well?
480
00:26:32,960 --> 00:26:34,960
You're not gonna believe this.
481
00:26:34,960 --> 00:26:36,800
It's true?
482
00:26:37,960 --> 00:26:39,960
If you vote not guilty,
483
00:26:39,960 --> 00:26:42,960
whatever it is you're worth now,
484
00:26:44,960 --> 00:26:47,960
Of course,
485
00:26:47,960 --> 00:26:48,960
Of course not.
486
00:26:48,960 --> 00:26:50,960
You're going to report it
487
00:26:50,960 --> 00:26:52,320
Of course I am.
488
00:26:54,960 --> 00:26:58,960
Well, 40 years, you think you've
489
00:26:58,960 --> 00:27:01,960
You're not 40.
490
00:27:01,960 --> 00:27:05,960
No. You're working
491
00:27:05,960 --> 00:27:07,800
I was needed, so I offered.
492
00:27:07,800 --> 00:27:10,960
Your wife didn't insist that
493
00:27:10,960 --> 00:27:12,960
You would have thought so.
494
00:27:14,320 --> 00:27:16,960
Er, I'd better get back to work.
495
00:27:16,960 --> 00:27:20,960
My understanding was
496
00:27:23,960 --> 00:27:25,320
Well, you've got my number.
497
00:27:25,320 --> 00:27:27,960
If you need anything,
498
00:27:27,960 --> 00:27:29,960
I'm sure I'll think of something.
499
00:27:42,960 --> 00:27:43,960
Bloody hell.
500
00:27:53,960 --> 00:27:55,320
Gentlemen.
501
00:27:56,480 --> 00:27:57,960
How are we?
502
00:28:01,960 --> 00:28:03,960
I really can't do this cloak
503
00:28:03,960 --> 00:28:05,320
I'm not asking you to do it.
504
00:28:05,320 --> 00:28:07,480
I'm just asking you to stand guard
505
00:28:07,480 --> 00:28:09,000
Which makes me an accomplice.
506
00:28:09,000 --> 00:28:11,960
Which makes you a man of conscience.
507
00:28:27,000 --> 00:28:30,960
All we need to do is take the DVD
508
00:28:30,960 --> 00:28:32,960
Please, Charlie.
509
00:28:37,480 --> 00:28:38,960
OK.
510
00:28:38,960 --> 00:28:40,960
If I knock three times,
511
00:28:40,960 --> 00:28:44,160
Right. See, it's all coming
512
00:28:44,160 --> 00:28:45,320
SHE OPENS DOOR
513
00:28:52,960 --> 00:28:55,960
Take the lift to the fifth floor
514
00:28:55,960 --> 00:28:58,960
Can I help you, madam?
515
00:28:58,960 --> 00:29:01,000
Why? I'm a journalist
516
00:29:01,000 --> 00:29:02,960
doing an expose on the way
517
00:29:02,960 --> 00:29:05,960
treat lower grade staff
518
00:29:05,960 --> 00:29:07,960
Pass me a map of London's
519
00:29:07,960 --> 00:29:09,960
and pretend we're having
520
00:29:09,960 --> 00:29:13,960
I'm not lower grade staff.
521
00:29:13,960 --> 00:29:18,640
Now randomly point to various
522
00:29:18,640 --> 00:29:20,800
Which Sunday tabloid
523
00:29:20,800 --> 00:29:23,960
Oh, I didn't,
524
00:29:23,960 --> 00:29:25,960
Question number one.
525
00:29:25,960 --> 00:29:27,960
What's the worst name
526
00:29:27,960 --> 00:29:29,960
by an irate guest in this hotel?
527
00:29:29,960 --> 00:29:32,800
Lady, I'm Black, I'm gay.
528
00:29:32,800 --> 00:29:33,960
HE LAUGHS
529
00:29:38,960 --> 00:29:40,960
Right.
530
00:29:46,960 --> 00:29:48,960
Where are you?
531
00:29:53,960 --> 00:29:54,960
Ew!
532
00:29:59,480 --> 00:30:01,160
KNOCK ON DOOR,
533
00:30:07,960 --> 00:30:08,960
Oh.
534
00:30:12,960 --> 00:30:15,960
Ah, Mr Price. Good evening.
535
00:30:15,960 --> 00:30:18,960
that everything was
536
00:30:18,960 --> 00:30:19,960
Not a fork out of place.
537
00:30:19,960 --> 00:30:21,960
Excellent. Just a quick thing.
538
00:30:21,960 --> 00:30:23,960
You're giving a speech tonight,
539
00:30:23,960 --> 00:30:25,640
My job to keep the troops happy.
540
00:30:25,640 --> 00:30:27,960
THEY TALK IN BACKGROUND
541
00:30:31,960 --> 00:30:36,160
Golf! No, it's snooker
542
00:30:36,160 --> 00:30:39,160
No, I have a little maxim
543
00:30:39,160 --> 00:30:40,960
I absolutely love maxims.
544
00:30:40,960 --> 00:30:44,960
After lunch, sleep a while.
545
00:30:44,960 --> 00:30:48,960
If you don't mind, I'm gonna make
546
00:30:49,960 --> 00:30:52,960
After lunch...
547
00:30:54,960 --> 00:30:57,960
After dinner, walk a mile.
548
00:31:00,960 --> 00:31:02,160
I'm gonna use that.
549
00:31:02,160 --> 00:31:04,960
Churchill fought a war on it.
550
00:31:04,960 --> 00:31:06,960
Of course.
551
00:31:11,960 --> 00:31:14,960
You could've been caught.
552
00:31:14,960 --> 00:31:16,960
If there's one thing I can do better
553
00:31:16,960 --> 00:31:20,000
it's hiding in a guest's room
554
00:31:20,000 --> 00:31:22,960
That's not a good thing, you know.
555
00:31:34,960 --> 00:31:38,000
Charlie, if this contains
556
00:31:38,000 --> 00:31:41,960
you've gotta promise me
557
00:31:41,960 --> 00:31:43,160
Let's just see it first.
558
00:31:43,160 --> 00:31:46,960
No. Promise me you'll do something.
559
00:31:48,960 --> 00:31:50,000
I promise.
560
00:31:50,000 --> 00:31:53,960
If it's as damning as you say it is,
561
00:31:53,960 --> 00:31:55,960
Thank you.
562
00:32:27,320 --> 00:32:28,960
MOBILE RINGS
563
00:32:32,960 --> 00:32:34,960
Hello.
564
00:32:34,960 --> 00:32:37,960
If we hungry,
565
00:32:37,960 --> 00:32:40,960
but we fold foil over
566
00:32:40,960 --> 00:32:41,960
but that's really nothing.
567
00:32:41,960 --> 00:32:44,960
What's going on?
568
00:32:44,960 --> 00:32:46,960
What?
569
00:32:46,960 --> 00:32:48,960
for Caterer and Hotel Keeper
570
00:32:48,960 --> 00:32:50,960
about the rise in theft from hotels.
571
00:32:50,960 --> 00:32:52,960
Not on her time, you're not.
572
00:32:52,960 --> 00:32:55,960
But I didn't tell her about
573
00:32:55,960 --> 00:32:59,960
Tried to steal plasma television
574
00:32:59,960 --> 00:33:02,960
to her husband in a van below...
575
00:33:05,800 --> 00:33:08,960
Rope snapped, van dead.
576
00:33:10,960 --> 00:33:12,960
I don't want to get anyone
577
00:33:12,960 --> 00:33:14,960
but I find that
578
00:33:14,960 --> 00:33:17,960
usually elicits more candour than
579
00:33:17,960 --> 00:33:18,960
I'm Emily James, by the way.
580
00:33:18,960 --> 00:33:20,960
You might've seen my byline
581
00:33:20,960 --> 00:33:22,960
I don't read it.
582
00:33:25,960 --> 00:33:28,960
PHONE RINGS
583
00:33:28,960 --> 00:33:31,960
'# Happy birthday, Mr Concierge
584
00:33:31,960 --> 00:33:33,960
'# Happy birthday to you. #'
585
00:33:35,800 --> 00:33:36,960
Thank you very much.
586
00:33:36,960 --> 00:33:40,960
'Well, don't thank me, Tony, until
587
00:33:40,960 --> 00:33:44,960
So I'm behind the bar
588
00:33:44,960 --> 00:33:47,960
I can detect a lady in distress
589
00:33:47,960 --> 00:33:49,960
So can a great white shark.
590
00:33:49,960 --> 00:33:51,960
The final outcome for the woman
591
00:33:51,960 --> 00:33:54,960
And I think,
592
00:33:54,960 --> 00:33:56,960
So, I tell her the story
593
00:33:56,960 --> 00:33:58,960
You know, when he jump
594
00:33:58,960 --> 00:33:59,960
Oh, how she must have laughed.
595
00:33:59,960 --> 00:34:03,160
Yeah, she did actually.
596
00:34:03,160 --> 00:34:06,960
And, well, boys and girls,
597
00:34:06,960 --> 00:34:08,800
and knock on the door,
598
00:34:08,800 --> 00:34:10,960
She spoke to you about your job?
599
00:34:10,960 --> 00:34:15,800
Yeah, mainly about my job and
600
00:34:15,800 --> 00:34:18,960
That's funny.
601
00:34:18,960 --> 00:34:20,960
A woman spoke to me about my job.
602
00:34:20,960 --> 00:34:22,960
So?
603
00:34:22,960 --> 00:34:24,960
and what I might do
604
00:34:24,960 --> 00:34:29,480
With me, it was how much they steal
605
00:34:29,480 --> 00:34:31,960
I told her about the time I had some
606
00:34:31,960 --> 00:34:34,480
to see if an obnoxious customer
607
00:34:34,480 --> 00:34:38,960
You think all of these women
608
00:34:40,960 --> 00:34:42,630
..the same woman?
609
00:34:44,960 --> 00:34:46,480
So, who is she, then?
610
00:34:46,480 --> 00:34:50,000
I don't know,
611
00:34:57,160 --> 00:34:59,480
Hm.
612
00:34:59,480 --> 00:35:00,960
Ooh!
613
00:35:05,960 --> 00:35:08,320
Mr Duncan, thank you
614
00:35:08,320 --> 00:35:09,960
It was either or clearing out
615
00:35:09,960 --> 00:35:11,960
We saw the film.
616
00:35:11,960 --> 00:35:12,960
It's a long story,
617
00:35:12,960 --> 00:35:15,960
and we'd like to help you try and
618
00:35:15,960 --> 00:35:16,960
But how?
619
00:35:16,960 --> 00:35:18,960
Stage one.
620
00:35:20,800 --> 00:35:23,160
Perfect.
621
00:35:23,160 --> 00:35:25,480
What we saw in the film is wrong,
622
00:35:25,480 --> 00:35:28,640
so if this is how to stop that,
623
00:35:28,640 --> 00:35:30,480
I've spoken to the banqueting
624
00:35:30,480 --> 00:35:32,960
Anybody asks, you're a temp
625
00:35:32,960 --> 00:35:34,960
Won't people know
626
00:35:34,960 --> 00:35:36,960
when I drop food everywhere?
627
00:35:36,960 --> 00:35:38,960
He's thought of that.
628
00:35:38,960 --> 00:35:40,960
Stage two.
629
00:35:40,960 --> 00:35:43,960
All you need to remember is
630
00:35:47,960 --> 00:35:50,960
..and you take away from the right.
631
00:35:50,960 --> 00:35:52,960
Serve from the left,
632
00:35:52,960 --> 00:35:54,960
And the secret
633
00:35:54,960 --> 00:35:57,960
Well, there really is no secret,
634
00:35:57,960 --> 00:35:59,960
and look as if you're passionate
635
00:35:59,960 --> 00:36:02,320
But not too passionate cos
636
00:36:02,320 --> 00:36:04,800
an unnatural attraction to food.
637
00:36:04,800 --> 00:36:06,960
Right, I don't know how to do
638
00:36:06,960 --> 00:36:09,640
Stage three.
639
00:36:09,640 --> 00:36:10,960
Ah, bingo.
640
00:36:10,960 --> 00:36:13,960
Ten minutes' practice, you'll be
641
00:36:13,960 --> 00:36:16,160
Good luck.
642
00:36:23,800 --> 00:36:24,960
KNOCK ON DOOR
643
00:36:26,000 --> 00:36:27,960
KNOCKING CONTINUES
644
00:36:30,000 --> 00:36:31,960
Justine?
645
00:36:36,640 --> 00:36:37,960
Justine?
646
00:36:42,960 --> 00:36:45,480
I thought a birthday celebration
647
00:37:11,960 --> 00:37:14,160
Well, I've heard people describe
648
00:37:14,160 --> 00:37:16,960
but I always thought they just
649
00:37:16,960 --> 00:37:20,800
I truly don't know what to say,
650
00:37:20,800 --> 00:37:23,960
My pleasure.
651
00:37:26,960 --> 00:37:29,160
No-one has ever done anything
652
00:37:29,160 --> 00:37:33,320
Let's have a toast.
653
00:37:33,320 --> 00:37:36,960
Well, actually I've only been
654
00:37:36,960 --> 00:37:39,960
The business of life, Tony.
655
00:37:43,960 --> 00:37:44,960
Happy birthday.
656
00:37:48,960 --> 00:37:50,960
That was...
657
00:37:52,800 --> 00:37:53,960
Well, I was going to say very nice.
658
00:37:55,960 --> 00:37:57,960
Well, if it was very nice then...
659
00:37:58,960 --> 00:38:00,800
..how about this?
660
00:38:05,960 --> 00:38:07,960
Service.
661
00:38:09,960 --> 00:38:11,480
Service.
662
00:38:13,960 --> 00:38:16,960
That's good. Just keep it even.
663
00:38:16,960 --> 00:38:18,000
Good luck.
664
00:38:36,800 --> 00:38:38,960
You bloody idiot!
665
00:38:38,960 --> 00:38:41,320
Do you know how much
666
00:38:41,320 --> 00:38:42,960
I can't apologise enough.
667
00:38:42,960 --> 00:38:45,800
We will, of course, have everything
668
00:38:45,800 --> 00:38:48,800
That's being taken out your wages.
669
00:38:50,160 --> 00:38:52,960
Maybe I can take you
670
00:38:57,960 --> 00:39:00,960
What did your clerk
671
00:39:00,960 --> 00:39:02,960
I have a question for you first.
672
00:39:02,960 --> 00:39:06,480
Am I having a lovely time?
673
00:39:06,480 --> 00:39:07,960
Cheers.
674
00:39:07,960 --> 00:39:11,960
No. My question was, what would you
675
00:39:11,960 --> 00:39:14,960
That's a good question.
676
00:39:15,960 --> 00:39:18,960
I would move to Brazil,
677
00:39:18,960 --> 00:39:22,320
within about five minutes'
678
00:39:22,320 --> 00:39:24,640
Me, too. I'd go to South America.
679
00:39:24,640 --> 00:39:25,960
Cuba.
680
00:39:25,960 --> 00:39:27,960
Well, technically speaking,
681
00:39:27,960 --> 00:39:30,800
but it's the same neck
682
00:39:30,800 --> 00:39:32,960
Great boxers, wonderful cigars,
683
00:39:32,960 --> 00:39:36,320
I would love to learn to salsa.
684
00:39:36,320 --> 00:39:38,960
Or a salsa school.
685
00:39:38,960 --> 00:39:40,960
In Rio, everyone can dance.
686
00:39:40,960 --> 00:39:42,960
With half a million quid behind us.
687
00:39:44,960 --> 00:39:46,960
Let's do it.
688
00:39:47,960 --> 00:39:49,960
Are you serious?
689
00:39:49,960 --> 00:39:52,960
Well, I've got
690
00:39:52,960 --> 00:39:54,320
Go on.
691
00:39:54,320 --> 00:39:57,480
Sort of haven't told the clerk
692
00:39:57,480 --> 00:39:58,960
You sort of haven't?
693
00:39:58,960 --> 00:40:00,960
Well, I just couldn't get
694
00:40:00,960 --> 00:40:02,960
that I was probably going to vote
695
00:40:02,960 --> 00:40:05,960
So why not just do it
696
00:40:05,960 --> 00:40:07,960
at the same time.
697
00:40:07,960 --> 00:40:10,480
Life's frighteningly short, Tony.
698
00:40:10,480 --> 00:40:12,960
You know, fate offers up
699
00:40:12,960 --> 00:40:15,960
Well, it never offers them up to me.
700
00:40:16,960 --> 00:40:18,960
Which day?
701
00:40:18,960 --> 00:40:20,640
Tomorrow.
702
00:40:21,960 --> 00:40:24,960
I'm gonna vote not guilty,
703
00:40:24,960 --> 00:40:26,960
and I'm gonna live the dream
704
00:40:28,960 --> 00:40:31,480
If you make it Rio,
705
00:40:31,480 --> 00:40:32,960
Really?
706
00:40:32,960 --> 00:40:35,160
Well, life begins at 40 and I am 40.
707
00:40:36,960 --> 00:40:39,960
I wanna live my life for once.
708
00:40:40,960 --> 00:40:44,000
..not just exist
709
00:40:45,960 --> 00:40:47,960
This isn't just the drink talking?
710
00:40:47,960 --> 00:40:49,960
Well, if it is,
711
00:40:49,960 --> 00:40:53,640
To Rio.
712
00:40:56,960 --> 00:40:57,960
SHE GIGGLES
713
00:40:59,960 --> 00:41:03,480
I'm so excited!
714
00:41:14,960 --> 00:41:15,960
Shall we go inside?
715
00:41:17,960 --> 00:41:20,960
Why don't we sit out here
716
00:41:37,960 --> 00:41:40,160
Friends. What a year!
717
00:41:43,960 --> 00:41:46,320
People often come up and ask me,
718
00:41:46,320 --> 00:41:49,000
"How come you can sell your clothes
719
00:41:49,000 --> 00:41:51,960
I say, "Mind your own business.
720
00:41:51,960 --> 00:41:56,320
Our pre-eminence is not by fluke.
721
00:41:56,320 --> 00:41:59,960
We have outflanked our competitors
722
00:41:59,960 --> 00:42:02,960
We have built our success
723
00:42:02,960 --> 00:42:06,960
by sticking to the basic principles
724
00:42:06,960 --> 00:42:08,960
giving people what they want.
725
00:42:10,960 --> 00:42:12,960
Now, look for a moment, if you will,
726
00:42:12,960 --> 00:42:15,960
at what is making you
727
00:42:23,640 --> 00:42:26,480
What the hell is that?
728
00:42:26,480 --> 00:42:28,960
That is our factory.
729
00:42:28,960 --> 00:42:31,960
Earlier this afternoon I was fired
730
00:42:31,960 --> 00:42:32,960
about this abomination.
731
00:42:32,960 --> 00:42:34,960
You have no authority
732
00:42:34,960 --> 00:42:36,960
Let him speak.
733
00:42:36,960 --> 00:42:39,640
Ladies and gentlemen, this is
734
00:42:39,640 --> 00:42:40,960
its wonderful designs so cheaply.
735
00:42:40,960 --> 00:42:43,800
This man was sacked this afternoon,
736
00:42:43,800 --> 00:42:45,960
because he threatens
737
00:42:45,960 --> 00:42:47,960
We've all heard the rumours
738
00:42:47,960 --> 00:42:49,960
hoped they weren't true,
739
00:42:49,960 --> 00:42:50,960
It's time to face the fact...
740
00:42:50,960 --> 00:42:52,960
Don't listen to him,
741
00:42:52,960 --> 00:42:55,960
..it isn't built from the ground up
742
00:42:55,960 --> 00:42:57,960
but on the shoulders
743
00:42:57,960 --> 00:43:00,960
so young that they can...
744
00:43:00,960 --> 00:43:02,960
but they can't yet read and write.
745
00:43:02,960 --> 00:43:03,960
If you want profit at any cost,
746
00:43:03,960 --> 00:43:05,960
then sit there
747
00:43:05,960 --> 00:43:07,960
just like you did last year
748
00:43:07,960 --> 00:43:10,960
But we can do this the right way.
749
00:43:10,960 --> 00:43:12,960
Make a stand right here, right now.
750
00:43:12,960 --> 00:43:15,960
This man is an arsehole.
751
00:43:15,960 --> 00:43:18,960
He snuck in here like a rat
752
00:43:18,960 --> 00:43:21,960
to give you a sob story...
753
00:43:21,960 --> 00:43:24,960
Sit down. I order you to sit down.
754
00:43:24,960 --> 00:43:27,960
How much have I given to you?
755
00:43:27,960 --> 00:43:30,960
I have blessed
756
00:43:30,960 --> 00:43:32,960
with wealth beyond
757
00:43:32,960 --> 00:43:35,480
Come back here, you bastards!
758
00:43:35,480 --> 00:43:36,960
Come back here and listen to me!
759
00:43:40,960 --> 00:43:42,960
Charlie!
760
00:43:42,960 --> 00:43:44,960
CHARLIE COUGHS AND SPLUTTERS
761
00:43:44,960 --> 00:43:46,960
Choose the difficult right
762
00:43:46,960 --> 00:43:49,800
That's not Churchill, my old mum.
763
00:43:49,800 --> 00:43:52,960
I want you out of my hotel
764
00:43:58,960 --> 00:44:00,960
Can I say something?
765
00:44:00,960 --> 00:44:02,960
Not right now.
766
00:44:02,960 --> 00:44:04,960
Cos that really hurt my hand.
767
00:44:59,160 --> 00:45:02,960
What time is it?
768
00:45:04,960 --> 00:45:06,960
What are you doing?
769
00:45:06,960 --> 00:45:08,960
Wondering how long it takes
770
00:45:10,000 --> 00:45:11,640
Not long.
771
00:45:15,960 --> 00:45:19,960
Thank you for staying.
772
00:45:22,960 --> 00:45:24,160
Hi.
773
00:45:32,960 --> 00:45:35,960
If you want the real deal
774
00:45:40,960 --> 00:45:42,480
I hope you enjoyed your stay.
775
00:45:42,480 --> 00:45:44,960
Enjoyment was hardly the point,
776
00:45:53,960 --> 00:45:55,000
Mr Price.
777
00:45:55,000 --> 00:45:57,960
As you ceased to be a part
778
00:45:57,960 --> 00:46:00,960
I'm afraid I'm gonna have to ask you
779
00:46:00,960 --> 00:46:02,960
If you'd like to step this way.
780
00:46:18,960 --> 00:46:22,960
I had a lovely time last night.
781
00:46:22,960 --> 00:46:24,960
Come along. Justice awaits.
782
00:46:29,960 --> 00:46:31,320
I'll see you at noon.
783
00:46:48,960 --> 00:46:52,960
Tony, this arrived for you last
784
00:46:56,960 --> 00:46:58,960
Yeah, I was... I was busy upstairs.
785
00:46:58,960 --> 00:47:00,960
Yeah, that's what I thought.
786
00:47:00,960 --> 00:47:03,960
Can I get you a cab, sir?
787
00:47:03,960 --> 00:47:05,960
Very well. Have a nice day.
788
00:47:28,800 --> 00:47:31,160
Where are you taking me exactly?
789
00:47:32,160 --> 00:47:33,960
In here?
790
00:47:38,480 --> 00:47:40,960
Jackie and friends.
791
00:47:45,960 --> 00:47:48,960
Who are you
792
00:47:48,960 --> 00:47:51,960
The truth?
793
00:47:52,960 --> 00:47:54,960
I'm not a journalist.
794
00:47:54,960 --> 00:47:58,960
I didn't ask you what you're not.
795
00:47:59,960 --> 00:48:02,960
I'm your new
796
00:48:02,960 --> 00:48:03,960
My what?
797
00:48:03,960 --> 00:48:06,960
All the very top hotels have them.
798
00:48:06,960 --> 00:48:09,960
but when I take on a new project,
799
00:48:09,960 --> 00:48:11,960
and see how the land really lies,
800
00:48:11,960 --> 00:48:14,960
and what the people who plough
801
00:48:14,960 --> 00:48:16,960
And what are we really like?
802
00:48:16,960 --> 00:48:18,960
Taking this hotel to the next level
803
00:48:18,960 --> 00:48:21,960
Pull another stunt like this and I
804
00:48:21,960 --> 00:48:24,160
We'd like your tape recorder.
805
00:48:24,160 --> 00:48:25,960
Oh, no, I shan't use
806
00:48:25,960 --> 00:48:27,960
if that's what you're worried about.
807
00:48:27,960 --> 00:48:30,960
That's reassuring.
808
00:48:32,000 --> 00:48:33,960
Fine.
809
00:48:35,000 --> 00:48:36,960
OK, we can delete...
810
00:48:44,960 --> 00:48:47,960
I was going to reveal my identity
811
00:48:48,960 --> 00:48:51,960
In my defence,
812
00:48:51,960 --> 00:48:53,960
Big deal.
813
00:48:54,960 --> 00:48:56,960
I don't appreciate
814
00:49:01,960 --> 00:49:04,480
We're a team, Miss James.
815
00:49:04,480 --> 00:49:08,960
We trust one another,
816
00:49:08,960 --> 00:49:11,960
After your little display, I wonder
817
00:49:15,960 --> 00:49:18,640
HE SNORTS
818
00:49:25,960 --> 00:49:28,480
I know you think you don't need me,
819
00:49:28,480 --> 00:49:30,960
I can show you how to handle
820
00:49:30,960 --> 00:49:32,960
without resorting to fisticuffs.
821
00:49:34,960 --> 00:49:36,480
Off you go.
822
00:49:41,960 --> 00:49:44,160
'Most of the time
823
00:49:44,160 --> 00:49:46,960
'focusing only
824
00:49:46,960 --> 00:49:49,320
'But every now and again
825
00:49:49,320 --> 00:49:52,960
'and demands that we look up
826
00:49:52,960 --> 00:49:55,640
Thank you.
827
00:49:59,960 --> 00:50:01,960
You're a good man, Charlie.
828
00:50:04,960 --> 00:50:07,960
Soon. Not now, but soon.
829
00:50:07,960 --> 00:50:11,960
I'll hold you to that.
830
00:50:11,960 --> 00:50:14,480
'In the past,
831
00:50:14,480 --> 00:50:17,960
'on providing whatever you want,
832
00:50:17,960 --> 00:50:20,960
'but that was then and this is now.'
833
00:50:20,960 --> 00:50:23,800
Best present in the world.
834
00:50:23,800 --> 00:50:26,320
Me, you and the kids at the Emirates
835
00:50:26,320 --> 00:50:29,960
I couldn't think of anything better.
836
00:50:35,960 --> 00:50:38,000
'You must have thought
837
00:50:38,000 --> 00:50:40,480
No, I loved that it was a surprise.
838
00:50:40,480 --> 00:50:42,960
Thinking you lot didn't care
839
00:50:42,960 --> 00:50:43,960
when I saw how much you did.
840
00:50:49,960 --> 00:50:51,960
'I'm so pleased.'
841
00:50:51,960 --> 00:50:53,160
I gotta go, love.
842
00:50:53,160 --> 00:50:55,960
'OK, see you later, yeah?'
843
00:50:55,960 --> 00:50:57,800
'I love you.'
844
00:50:57,800 --> 00:50:58,960
'We all love you very much.'
845
00:50:58,960 --> 00:50:59,960
Yeah, very much.
846
00:51:01,800 --> 00:51:03,960
The boss is coming?
847
00:51:03,960 --> 00:51:04,960
Oh, yeah?
848
00:51:04,960 --> 00:51:07,960
Everything changes, Tone,
849
00:51:07,960 --> 00:51:10,960
Well, that's way too deep for me,
850
00:51:10,960 --> 00:51:12,960
Well, that's because
851
00:51:12,960 --> 00:51:15,000
I wanted to say thank you
852
00:51:15,000 --> 00:51:17,960
Above and beyond the call of duty.
853
00:51:17,960 --> 00:51:19,960
No problem.
854
00:51:21,960 --> 00:51:23,960
Getting old?!
855
00:51:23,960 --> 00:51:24,960
Cheeky sod.
54080
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