Original subtitles

Provided by explosiveskull https://twitter.com/kaboomskull

The coast is clear, Chief.

Give the agent the go ahead, Miss James.

Okay, Sam, you heard the Chief. Mission's a go.

Coast is still clear, but the window of opportunity is closing.

We're five by five, but time is of the essence.

I'm going as fast as I can.

We'll be monitoring you the whole time.

Yes! The crowd cheers as he totally sticks the landing.

Don't leave me hanging.

Miss James, please. This is a serious mission.

Sorry, Chief.

Nice landing.

You earned a banana for that one.

Mmm.

According to the blueprints,

you need to move straight ahead

until you come to a T.

Okay, tough guy, stay on mission.

If our info's correct, you should find an accessible data port

at the tower closest to the door.

Tell him it's imperative we have that data.

He knows, Chief, we've trained for the situation.

The future of our democracy may depend on it.

Take five and let me work my magic.

Hm.

We're in business,

sit tight and we'll have you out of there in no time.

Hm?

What on earth are you doing here?

We got it.

Grab that drive and get out of there.

How did you get in here?

Zip line grappling hooks, snuck by the guards

- and through the ventilation shaft - A talking ape?

I prefer chimp.

Monkey?

Get him!

We've been breached!

Lock it down, lock it down!

Come out, come out, wherever you are.

Freeze!

Um, a little help.

Silly bad guys,

you can't have a lock down when there's a fire alarm.

Everybody knows that.

Who was that funky monkey?

So how'd you get into this line of work?

I got recruited, just like you.

No, but, I mean,

you-you know, have you always wanted to work with a monkey?

He's not a monkey, he's a chimpanzee,

a member of the great ape species.

And he hates being called a monkey.

Oh, my bad.

I hate it, too.

Oh, uh, I... of course.

And, I mean, I totally agree with you, you know?

And-and I do, you know, it's just I thought

it was kind of funny because, you know.

No, I don't. It's funny why?

Sam, buddy, you really got some moves out there.

I'd like to thank you both

for attending this little

team-building exercise today.

Happy to be on the team, Chief.

Yeah, happy to be here.

Camaraderie is important

for any well-oiled organization

as it is maintaining an appropriate level of physical training.

He appears to have developed a bit of a fan club.

Bit unseemly for a secret agent.

We got to go. Dad's here.

Oh, okay. Um, it was nice hanging out with you.

Outside of work, I mean.

Sure, you bet.

Did you have fun with your friends today?

They're not friends, Dad, they're co-workers.

You and Sam are friends and co-workers, right?

Yeah, but that's different.

Sam and I are family.

Hm, family's important to you, huh?

It's not to you?

Sweetie, about that.

I know you're not very happy with me these days,

but your mother and I can't have you doing what you did.

I don't know what you're talking about.

Do you remember that time when you were little and you ate that chocolate cake?

When I asked you what happened to the cake,

you told me, "I don't know what you're talking about."

You said it with cake and frosting all over your face.

Come on, that wasn't even the same.

Then you admit you did it?

Well, of course I did it.

Who else could have done it?

But I only did it because I didn't want you and Mom to get divorced.

I understand that, sweetie.

And I'm sure you understand that the love your mom and I used to share,

it's just not something you can hack into a computer and fix.

Well, give me a big enough computer.

I mean, you can hack into the system,

and you can delete all records of our impending divorce.

But you can't change how we feel in our hearts, sweetie.

People fall in love and sometimes they fall out.

Yeah, Dad, people fall in love with each other.

Sometimes, only one of them falls out.

Sweetie.

She's not too happy with me, is she?

She just needs some time.

Look after our girl, Sam.

Okay.

Sam, now don't be rude.

That's disgusting.

Eh...

Bondi, young lady, what did I just say?

Hm.

Hey, Bondi, you know that I hate phones at the dinner table.

Mom, you know, the office has to be able to reach me 24/7.

Oh, it's not from the office.

It's a text from unknown number.

Somebody's got a crush on you.

What? What?

People don't say that word?

- Mom. - I mean, who is it?

I don't know.

I did say it was an unknown number, didn't I?

Yes, you did, dear.

You know what, though, since I've already said

that I don't like phones at the dinner table,

maybe you put the phone down and finish your dinner.

I wanna thank you all for coming on such short notice.

We are paid to be here, Chief.

And it's first thing Monday morning, Chief.

Quite right. Where was I? Oh, yes.

We learned something troubling from the intelligence

we retrieved from our last mission.

I direct your attention to the screen.

This is the earliest known photo of Daniel Hawthorne,

and I'm being quite literal about that.

There's no record of his existence

before he was arrested and had this mugshot taken.

- What was he arrested for? - Loitering.

Hanging around with no purpose.

Some guys are just born bad.

This is Hawthorne again,

on the occasion of his second arrest.

What for this time?

- Loitering with intent. - Upping his game.

He looks sad.

Of course, he's sad, he's a bad guy.

Bad guys are sad by definition.

If they weren't sad, they wouldn't be bad guys.

Yeah, I know, but trust me on this one, Chief, this guy's sad.

Be that as it may, we now have evidence he must be stopped.

- So stop him, we will. - Mm-hm.

If you're not vigilant, milk can sour before you know it.

Sure, it smells all right today, but what about tomorrow?

You wake up one morning...

...pour a tall glass

and that's when it hits you, pow!

A mouthful of injustice.

Finish your milk before the expiration date,

before it turns on you.

He's doing his Patton thing again.

What I'm trying to say is this guy is milk

with an approaching expiration date.

We have to stop him before he becomes completely sour.

All over the milk metaphor, Chief.

This is a photo of him

when he adopted the nickname "Alpha Dog."

Intelligence indicates he's embraced the role of arch villain

and is attempting to build some sort of new weapon.

New weapon? What's that even mean?

That we don't know. Intelligence is patchy at best.

But we know with his unit in the Council of Crime,

he's intending on using whatever it is

to unleash his evil scheme.

His secret base is located on this island.

He calls it "Wolfhound Island."

Okay, partner, this is our biggest mission yet,

and our most important.

We can't let Alpha Dog complete his plan.

We've had plenty of training with the jetpack in simulation mode.

Are you confident you can do this for real?

Like always, I'll be with you every step of the way,

so when you're safely on the island, just find a place to hide

until I'm back at command and online, okay?

Make sure you come back to me, Sam.

You mean more to me than this mission.

Bondi, you checked these waters for sharks, right?

Yep, 100% shark infestation.

Well, at least they're down there and I'm up here.

Doctor.

Doctor Devious.

Devious!

You trying to scare me to death?

And what do I owe the pleasure of this visit to my lab?

Make no mistake, Doctor, this is my lab.

- Oh, please. - And the work...

The work you're doing here is at my discretion.

Oh, really, I totally forgot.

Thanks for reminding me every time you get a chance.

Let's not get caught up in semantics, Doctor.

Instead, let's inspect the troops, shall we?

- Yes. - Excellent.

There's been a few setbacks, I'm afraid.

Yes!

Handsome specimens, Doctor. Yes, yes.

What are their names?

- Names? - Yes.

They're robots, they don't have names.

Yes, surely, since we created them,

we could give them some names.

They're not people, they're robot dogs.

Yes, but Doctor, I can't just say, "Dog, attack."

And what if both dogs attack the same thing

and there's multiple things that need to be attacked.

And then we're not winning the attack,

the next thing you know, it's total chaos.

Oh, attacking, is that part of the plan? I didn't know that.

Is attacking part of the plan to take over the world?

Is that a serious question, Doctor?

Yes, from time to time, we may need to

attack something here and there.

Clearly you're new to this whole evil thing.

Listen, I only took this job, because you promised me

unlimited funding for development.

Yes, yes, whatever, just show me the dogs.

Bring them to life.

Okay. Oh, well, let me introduce you to them.

- I have named them. - Mm.

- This one's named Number One. - Oh.

And Reginald Cornwell...

No, I think we'll go with Number Two.

You like them? Named them myself.

Number One... heel.

Number Two, heel.

Oh! Very nice, Doctor, very nice.

Number Two, fetch.

Okay, back to Number One. Let's see what you can do.

Doctor, do you think I want to be a laughing stock?

Do you think I wanna take over the world with laughter?

No!

Okay, Number Two, it's all up to you now.

Number Two. Number Two!

It's safe to say that we can call them both

big stinking piles of number two.

Good job, though.

Doctor, you assured me this was well within your skill set,

but prototypes are not exactly inspiring hope.

I know, I think... I think it's a problem with the AI.

What do I care about AI?

I want weapons, not thinking soldiers.

You want me to make brainless robo-dogs?

What do I want with a thinking canon ball?

I don't know, maybe so it won't aim for the wrong target!

Doctor, as far as I'm concerned,

as long as it's aimed in the right direction,

there are no wrong targets.

This guy...

Hi, there.

Where'd you come from?

Are you one of my dad's test subjects or something?

Are you spying on Dad and that creepy doctor guy?

Code Red, agent discovered.

I repeat, agent has been discovered.

Calm down, Miss James,

the agent is an expert at covert operations.

Remember the time he posed as a Hollywood producer and actually won an Oscar?

Yeah, you're right.

We still laugh about that.

Obviously, you're not one of my dad's ridiculous robot dogs,

but what's this weird thing on your head?

Trust me, nobody would blame you

for wanting to escape this creepy place.

Only reason I'm down here is I'm trying to find my dad

to see if he even remembers it's my birthday today.

Oh, that's nice.

Thank you.

Happy birthday.

You talked.

Pumpkin, I thought I heard something out here.

What are you doing down here?

Haven't I told you not to come down here?

You know this is just like you, Dad,

to assume I'm doing something wrong.

It never occurred to you I might be so bored,

I'd want to explore this stupid island?

Sweetie, I'm not accusing you of anything.

I just didn't want you to...

And anyway, it's raining outside,

so even if I wanted to go someplace else, I can't.

So where am I supposed to go?

Honey, I don't know where this is coming from.

Can-can we talk about this later?

Go talk to your robots.

Must be difficult

balancing the responsibilities of fatherhood

with the obsessive demands of creating criminal robots.

Doctor, it would appear we're both having

programming problems with our creations.

Although, I fear yours is going to be much easier to fix than mine.

But first, I have guests to attend to.

- Whoo. - Hey.

Seriously, what's that thing on your head?

Are you a secret agent or something?

Will this allow me to communicate with aliens?

Uh...

Disaster averted.

I never had a moment's doubt.

Awesome. Still gotta feel sorry for her,

having no friends like that.

Oh, um...

I've told my mom not to text me during work.

Miss James.

Beyond issues of professionalism,

I must ask to see your phone due to security.

Honestly, you've been warned about this.

Well, now who is this secret admirer?

For heaven's sake, Miss James,

he's announcing right from the start his identity is a secret.

How can you possibly trust somebody whose identity is a secret?

What are you doing?

Forehead.

Queen Evil.

Chrome Dome.

Crimson Ghost, so spooky.

Welcome to Wolfhound Island.

You know, perhaps maybe you all

should think of changing your names

to something a bit more dog-related,

since I am the Alpha Dog leader of this Council of Crime.

- No. - Yeah, well, maybe you should add some chamomile

to your decaf there, Forehead, old buddy. Bring it down a notch.

Anyway, just the name thing, just something to think about, ponder over.

Why did you summon us here today?

I had to miss a spa appointment.

And I had a book club I was looking forward to.

Oh! I just started Pride and Prejudice myself.

Ooh, that's a good one.

What?!

Tell you the truth, we didn't think you could read.

Well, I can read well enough to know the difference

between push and pull on the conference room door.

It was one time.

All right... children.

I called you all here today to tell you

that we are going to take over the world.

Oh, that again.

Yes, how many times will that make it this year?

Quite a lot, actually, uh, about as many as you have exes.

That was supposed to be between us, Forehead.

What is even happening right now?

What is this, some type of therapy group?

Listen, this time is different.

I have a foolproof plan.

But first, I must attend to something.

You're my guests, make yourselves comfortable.

Keep your feet of the furniture,

TTFN.

They're like a bunch of tweens.

"He said this, she said that. I like K-pop."

Actually, I do kind of like K-pop.

This is my room... supposedly.

Really, it's more like my dad's room

because he's the one who designed it.

I think it's his weird way of trying to put me in shrink wrap

and make me stay his little girl.

See what I mean?

He thinks I still play with stuffed animals.

Sometimes I think he wishes I was a stuffed animal.

Then he could keep me in a cabinet forever.

You guys could be brothers.

Hm.

I wish I had a brother.

Or a sister.

Or that my mom was still around.

Pumpkin?

- Dad. - Well, I thought I heard you

talking to somebody in here.

That's a stretch, there's nobody to talk to.

Hey, didn't I tell you to stay out of the lab?

Honey, I'm sure the doctor's looking for this.

I-I didn't.

You know, I know that being stuck here on an island

is not ideal, especially at your age.

I mean, look at your room.

Yeah, I got to admit, this is one of the better designs I did.

Yeah, this room is fantastic. I mean, look at your bed.

I remember when you were little. Your stuffed animals.

Look at these.

I remember all these little guys.

Hi, little puppy dog.

Oh, there's a little sloth. Oh, you're so cute.

Wait a minute, what is this one?

This monkey is remarkably lifelike.

- I-I... - What do you want, Dad?

Pumpkin... I owe you an apology.

You know, I-I barked at you in the hallway outside the lab

and-and you didn't deserve that, all right.

It's just that, uh, that dog in me.

So what I did is something we haven't done in a while.

I set us up to have dinner together.

- Really? - Yes, I set the whole thing up.

What are we having? Chateaubriand? Lobster Thermidor?

All right, all right.

No, we're having your favorite;

chicken tenders, tater tots, and pistachio ice cream.

You remembered.

Of course, I remembered, pumpkin.

I even got 'em to get that little zesty honey mustard sauce that you like.

Not too zesty.

Not too sweet, just like you pumpkin.

Does the pistachio ice cream have real pistachios?

Of course, there's real nuts in the pistachio ice cream.

Kitchen, I need real pistachios on the ice cream.

I repeat, real pistachios on the ice cream.

Who are you talking to, Daddy?

No one, sweetie.

Alpha Dog, I can't locate any pistachio nuts?

Well, then I suggest you relocate yourself

to the local purveyor of said nuts,

or a lack of pistachio nuts is going to be

the least of your worries.

Do you understand me?

- Who are you talking to, Daddy? - Oh, nobody, sweetie.

You there, where are you going? Never mind, I don't care.

Take this back to the lab.

Oh, no. Did you hear that, Chief?

We have to go in.

No, he didn't activate his emergency beacon.

We let him do the job he trained for.

What do we do in the meantime?

We wait. That's all we can do right now.

Nobody.

Nobody.

Nobody!

Did you hear that? He called me "nobody."

Hey, don't worry about it.

Sometimes it's best not to stand out.

That's easy for you to say. I'm the Wolfhound chef!

I have to plan the meals, monitor supplies,

buy the groceries, prep, cook the food, and clean the kitchen.

Sometimes he changes the menu on a whim.

And whose fault is it if I don't have his demands?

Mine!

First one up in the morning, the last one to go to bed,

seven days a week, 365 days a year.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Don't forget about leap years. That adds a day.

You are not helping!

Hello there.

- Alpha Dog. - Yes, sir.

I just wanted to let you know that you left the intercom on.

Perhaps you can stop whining about the pistachios.

I can always have one of the men in the armory

stuff you into a cannon and shoot you across the island.

- No, sir. - We'll see you soon enough

with that wonderful pistachio ice cream

with the real nuts, of course.

And uh, uh, uh, over and out, Chef.

That means hang up.

Now what's wrong? He called you "Chef."

Yeah, but he coulda said, please though.

Dude, he's a super villain.

"Please" ain't in his vocabulary.

Well, someone ought to tell him politeness goes a long way.

Again, super villain.

Hmm.

Alpha Dog told me to give this to you.

Thanks.

Evil genius, schmevil genius.

Stupid.

I need to recharge.

Pumpkin, do you have the salt?

- Sorry? - The salt!

Oh, yeah, it's right here.

Butler, salt!

Go!

Thank you, sweetie.

Dad, do you have the sauce?

Uh, what's that, sweetie?

- The sauce. - The sauce?

- Yes. - Butler, sauce for my daughter!

Hurry up, my daughter needs sauce.

There you go, honey.

Sweetie, how are the carrots?

- Oh, they're-they're great. - Oh, wonderful.

Butler, carrots!

Why are you so slow?

Dad, why do I have to sit all the way down here?

What's that, sweetie? You're too far away, I can't hear you.

Why do I have to sit all the way down here?

- Uh, one more time. - Down here.

Hey!

What do you think you're doing?

It's my turn to ride the merry-go-round.

And I'm telling grandma.

I knew you could do it.

I think our agent's back online, Miss James.

Jeez, it's like being on a Tilt-A-Whirl.

Okay, partner, I've got to sign off and head home.

Apparently, the adults are talking and I'm expected to attend.

Stay hidden until I get back.

He'll be all right.

I know, I just hate it when he's out all night.

I worry about him.

He'll know what to do. He's smart like you.

Thank you, you're sweet.

It's just I feel like everything in my life

is changing right now.

It's my parents, this job, nothing is constant but Sam.

I can always count on him.

- And-and me. - What about you?

You can always count on me.

I know we didn't start off on the right foot,

but you can always count on me, Bondi.

Now just go home and deal with what you need to there.

I'll stay here and make sure Sam is good.

Thank you, Johnny.

This is tiresome!

Typical powerplay, making us wait.

What do you expect from someone who calls himself "Alpha Dog?"

Indeed, Queen Evil.

Cracking wise, Chrome Dome.

I have no pretension regarding my nom de guerre.

I'm not hiding who or what I am from anyone.

Need I point out, my friend,

you'd be hard-pressed to hide from anyone.

Oh, of course.

Jokes about my shiny bald head, how original.

I chose to shave every last hair.

Oh, yes, all three strands of hair,

if I remember correctly.

Guys, guys, guys, and ladies, and... we're better than this.

No, we're not.

Although I hate to agree, she's right.

We are super villains, after all.

Vindictiveness is in our job description.

Oh, well, how foolish of me to think that a group of people

that want to take over the world could possibly work together.

It's like expecting children to share a toy,

except in this case, the toy in question, me,

is running the greatest criminal conspiracy the world has ever seen.

Now...

I have an idea.

Why am I always standing?

Okay, here's my idea, all right.

I mean, we're all friends here, right?

I mean, roll with it, okay.

We're always lashing out at each other

because of our, your, insecurities.

So what I'm thinking is perhaps maybe we just...

Let's go around the room and say something about the other that we like.

I'll-I'll start. I'll start.

Chrome Dome, why don't you say something that you like about me?

This is madness.

How dare the four of you slander the name of Villainry,

a name we fought so hard to keep?

I will not be a part of this, so stop it.

All right, so first round, pretty good so far.

Little negative in one area, we'll work on it.

But, you know, why don't you guys all,

you know, keep at it for a little bit, I mean, it'll get a bit better.

I-I really believe that this is going to work for us.

I am just going to go somewhere a little less sad.

Oh, that was exhausting.

Eureka!

Remarkable.

Oh.

Remarkable.

Hey, Dan... I mean, Alpha Dog...

your presence is requested in the testing chamber.

Immediately.

Doctor, I certainly hope you have some good news.

Hmm. Sometimes I find the best solution to a problem

is to think outside the box.

Hm.

Well, spare me the suspense, Doctor.

What is it that has you so excited?

Consider; is a trade for a soldier

really that bad if he was a touch... insane?

Okay, easy, Doctor.

But I think... I think I know what you're getting at.

Rather than fix the problem, we should...

Yes, precisely. Don't correct it, harness it.

- Hm. - That led me to my latest discovery:

Nanobots.

Nanobots, to control the dog-bots?

Well, think of it as a high-tech leash.

Watch.

Heel.

It... It just heeled. Do it again.

Oh, and you're gonna love this.

Roll over.

- What? Stop it. He just rolled over. - I know.

When you told him to roll over, he rolled over.

Did you see it? It was amazing.

Devious, you mad genius! Congratulations!

You know, you have truly proven that every dog

does indeed have its day.

Would you consider it premature to tell the sponsors

that we are back on track for our original deadline?

Oh, no, not at all.

And now that I've surmised what the problem was,

I feel like putting it all into motion

shouldn't take any time at all.

Outstanding!

This country will rue the day that it turned its back on Daniel Hawthorne.

I mean... Alpha Dog.

Why do you have to do that all the time? You always bark.

- We-we just had this moment and it was all perfect...

And then you ended it with barking.

Alpha Dog, it's a theme. The outfit goes with it.

Okay, team, it looks like the game is officially afoot.

We all have jobs to do. I suggest you do them.

Miss James, tell the agent to sit tight and await further orders.

I shall instruct the science team

to look into how best to defeat these so-called nanobots straight away.

You there! Yes, you!

Do you know who let the dogs out?

I did!

Soundtrack guy, drop a beat.

O-M-G! He must be stopped.

Not just the plan, but the dance.

Chief says to sit tight

while we get the techno geeks cooking up a solution.

In the meantime, keep an eye on that crazy doctor,

but more importantly, be careful, partner.

Seriously, take care of yourself.

I can't deal with losing somebody else I love.

You, uh...

got a little something there in your eye.

Your third eye.

I can't see!

Mr. Alpha Dog, might I interpret this ill-timed intrusion to mean...

Wait, what is it you have there?

Greetings, fellow followers of felonious fascination.

As our crimson compatriot has noticed,

even though the rest of you have not...

You're getting a dog?

We're all getting dogs.

The doctor has done it!

Unlike previous models, his new robo-dogs

possess the ability to follow instruction.

We're off the leash. No more leashes!

So this-this is the reason we're here on this island.

You've obviously overcome the obvious cognitive failure.

But what leads us to believe

they're capable of following further direction?

Yes, how do we know they actually run any smoother than the previous lemons?

Yes, yes, yes. I oversold before, I'll admit it.

But these new models surpass all previous claims by a mile.

Meaning?

I mean, they are fully self-aware and compliant.

And waiting for us to tell them what to do.

- We want to see it. - Yes, show us.

- Where are they? - Let us see what they can do.

You will see their full power unleashed...

tomorrow at the unveiling.

Hey, wait! Tomorrow?

Hey, honey, can you get off your phone at least to go to sleep?

You're still waiting on a response, aren't you?

He said he was a secret admirer,

but then he didn't bother to respond.

Yeah.

I mean, I know where you're coming from there, hon.

You know, when your dad and I first met.

Yeah, well, where did that end up?

He left us.

He left me.

No, honey.

Your dad's not completely gone.

And he's still gonna be in your life.

He's...

just a guy trying to... figure out who he is.

Yeah, well, he should figure out he's my dad.

Hi, there. I wondered where you got off to.

My mom used to bring me out here to fly kites and collect rocks.

She said by doing both, you could have

your head in the clouds and your feet on the ground.

Yeah, I know.

My dad, right?

My mom was so much smarter than him.

Mm-hm.

That's the thing, my dad never started

this whole stupid thing until after she died.

It's like her cancer made him so mad at the world,

he decided to take it over to punish it.

She's out here, you know?

My mom, I mean, she's...

My dad had her cremated and we spread her ashes in the surf.

That way I can always visit her out here.

I like to think a little of her is in each one of these rocks.

Hey, look at this one.

You know, we are pretty good at this.

Of course, we're good at this,

we're getting paid by the CIA to do what we'd be doing

if we were in our homes eating frozen pizza.

Oh, man, I would be on my computer, no doubt,

but I definitely wouldn't be eating that frozen pizza.

You crazy? You don't like pizza?

I was talking about hacking for good instead of, you know.

Pizza is negligible. Crust, sauce, toppings.

It's what you do with it that counts.

You bring frozen into the picture,

you're talking about processed food.

And that is where I draw the line.

Okay, I got the president breathing down my back

and he's got a golf game at 11:00,

so he's expecting us to give him an answer by 10:59.

- You, with the hat. - Well, sir, before I start,

- can I just say how much I appreciate... - No time.

You, with the phone.

Sorry to interrupt.

It appears that you're more concerned

with your social media presence

than you are with helping solve this problem confronting us.

Sorry about the phone, Chief. Helps me think.

You wanna take down Alpha Dog's plan.

Ironically, it was that devious doctor dude that gave us the idea.

I mean, it's like we were just talking about frozen pizza.

There's nothing wrong with pizza as long as you're talking about the basic ingredients:

the crust, the sauce, the cheese, and the toppings.

But when it's processed and loaded with salt, that's when things go wrong.

So you're saying a Trojan horse?

Well, what you would call a "Trojan horse, "

we would call a "worm, " but same difference.

Well, in this case, the worm is the salt.

I like it. Make it so.

I'll alert the president, we have a plan in place.

Then I shall have a spot of lunch.

I'm suddenly feeling a bit peckish.

Today is the day.

Your job is to gain access to the lab

and the Nano-Bot computer.

You manage that, and we'll do the rest.

Once the Trojan horse it successfully installed in the network

we'll unleash the worm.

Then the worm can work its diabolical magic.

Mm.

- There you are. - Hm.

I was starting to think you were like

an imaginary guardian angel

who just shows up when I need you,

but you're really real, aren't you?

Hm. Ah, at least it's real as a talking ape can be.

But why do I still feel like somehow you're my guardian angel, too?

What's this?

I'm not gonna like what's on this, am I?

You're one mysterious monkey.

Don't hate the player, hate the game.

And don't call me a monkey.

I prefer chimp.

That's why you're here, isn't it?

You're supposed to stop my dad.

In that case, all I can say...

is good luck, my guardian angel.

What can I do to help?

Whoa! Are those sharks in the water?

Time is a-wastin', as my dad likes to say,

so as soon as you receive the payload,

you know what to do.

Miss James, while I appreciate your dedication to the mission,

I'm not entirely comfortable involving his daughter.

It strikes me as not entirely ethical.

She offered, Chief.

That's hardly the point, Miss James, and you well know it.

Trust me on this one, Chief.

She's a young girl forced to confront the reality

that her father isn't the perfect person she always thought he was.

Asserting a little independence will be good for her.

Doctor, Doctor!

What?

Greetings, Rebecca.

What do I owe the pleasure of this visit?

It's my dad, he needs to see you outside right now.

Is he crazy?

I mean, what could he possibly need right now?

Things are... even though, I'm busier than anybody.

I don't know.

He never tells me anything.

Hmm. Huh?

Hey... father-daughter relationships can be problematic, I...

Okay.

Why don't I go see what he wants?

Don't touch anything.

Okay, I got rid of the doc and bought you some time,

but don't count on him being gone long.

I guess this is goodbye then.

See you later?

Count on it.

Man, that girl needs a friend.

Okay, locate the server.

Target acquired.

You may be sly, but so am I.

Miss James, can we accomplish the task before us

without bad James Bond dialogue accompanying it?

Oh, come on, Chief, where's the fun in that?

This is a serious business, but a little levity is good for us.

The Trojan horse is in, Chief.

Now we just need time to unleash the worm.

How am I supposed to get any work done?

Wild goose chase.

Houston, we have a problem.

You know, Einstein,

I'm beginning to think that Alpha Dog

can't complete this plan successfully.

He wants this place to be his doghouse.

Nah, brother.

I should be running this operation, me.

I wouldn't use robo-dogs.

Too predictable or unpredictable.

No, I would build an army

of the most loyal and deadly of creatures.

So small they could get in and out unnoticed.

So quiet, you'd never hear them coming.

And so adorable, you'd never suspect a thing.

Yes, I create an army of...

robo-guinea pigs.

I'd be the greatest criminal boss you'd ever seen.

Can't you just imagine it, Einstein?

Einstein, huh?

What?

What's wrong, buddy?

Hmm?

Oh, you.

Hot.

I think I melted off my tongue, that's gonna leave a mark.

That's what I oughta create,

is a weapon that could shoot hot coffee.

Everyone would be in terror of the powerful dark roast Inferno.

We're so close.

Don't let him touch that drive!

Oh, no, what have I done?

Oh, my favorite mug.

That was close.

We're in business, partner. Let's do this.

Glorious day, isn't it?

I would like to thank all of you for taking time

out of your busy schedules to be here today.

I assure you it will prove to be well worth your while.

I have spent considerable time and at considerable expense, I might add...

...building the perfect weapon.

A weapon so insidious that when I unleash it,

all will tremble at the fearsome bark of Alpha Dog.

The only trembling you're currently inspiring is of laughter.

Ah. Chrome Dome.

Hm. Anyway...

Yes, where was I?

Oh, yes, ours is a modern world.

Villainy is as old as mankind itself.

So I started thinking,

"What is a good old weapon

that I can use to combine with some new technology

to create a greater weapon?"

In that spirit, friends and colleagues,

I give you my robo-dogs.

Yes.

Look at them, glorious, magnificent.

Man's oldest, best-known weapon is the famed Trojan horse.

Man's best old-known friend is the loyal dog.

My genius was to combine the two.

Without further ado, Devious, hit it.

Kind of ironic, eh, Chief?

This Alpha dork guy builds robot dog Trojan horses,

and we use our own Trojan horse to shut 'em down.

What a tangled web we weave

when first we practice to deceive.

And don't say dork, Miss James.

It is a word used by bullies and nobody likes a bully.

Check it out. I think we have lift-off.

What? No. No, no.

No. Okay, take it easy...

I need to meditate.

Devious, what...

Why are my robo-dogs going insane?

I thought you said the behavioral problems were fixed.

It was. I did.

I don't understand.

You...

Let's us take our leave.

It appears Alpha Dog once again has proven that his bark is worse than his bite.

Right behind you.

I made an appointment at a day spa.

My treat.

Oh, no, no, please don't go, I have a wonderful dinner planned.

If this is any indication

of your catering skills,

I wouldn't risk the food poisoning.

What's that? Uh. Oh, oh, this?

Pfft, it's nothing at all. Just a small, minor setback.

We'll get the kinks worked out and get it up and running in no time.

Better than ever really.

If you honestly believe that,

than this robotic dog, as pathetic as it is,

isn't the only one who's lost his mind.

Oh.

Hm. Hm.

Hey, it's a heart-shaped one.

I bet my mom left this especially for you to find, huh?

I guess those weird people aren't gonna be friends with my dad anymore, huh?

I bet that means we'll move off this stupid island,

and I can finally have friends of my own.

Something tells me it also means

you'll have to go back to wherever you came from.

I wonder what my mom would say if she were here to see my dad's latest disaster.

She always said he was a dreamer.

Hold it right there, you simian savior.

Think I owe you a bit of gratitude.

If it wasn't for you ruining my day today,

I wouldn't have realized what's truly important.

I've been so focused on taking over the world

that I didn't realize that I had the whole world

right in front of me the whole time.

Thank you.

You know, actually, your mother called me a "schemer."

Schemer with a head full of rocks

and a heart full of gold, to tell the truth.

She was 100% right.

I'm sorry, pumpkin.

Can a tired, old arch villain get a hug from his daughter?

Here we are.

Go ahead, Sam, I'll catch up.

I just wanna say I'm sorry for the way I've been acting.

I've been selfish.

I know it hasn't been easy on you. I'm sorry.

I just wish things would have stayed the same.

Just you, Mom, and me living together.

Happy. Just like when I was a little girl.

We can still be happy.

That doesn't have to change, sweetie.

I'm here for you, no matter what.

I'm still in the city, and I'm just a phone call away.

I know.

I am so proud of you, Bondi.

You're becoming the strong young lady

that I knew you would be.

I love you, Dad.

I love you, too, sweetie.

- See you next week. - It's a date.

Johnny, have a sandwich.

- Oh, here. - Sam made 'em.

Oh... sounds, uh, yummy.

Johnny, they are messing with you.

I made the sandwiches.

Mm, Bondi, you never told me, who's the secret admirer?

- Oh, my. - Hi, guys.

Thanks so much for inviting me.

- Here you go. - Thank you.

Have a sandwich.

What's that, Einstein?

You have a dream for world domination.

Me, too.

Great minds do think alike.

We only need to burst out of these walls.

No, we tried your idea, and I didn't fit in the toilet.

What?

Oh, that's a great idea. Splendid, yes.

Once we're escaped, we'll take over the... the world.

No, dare I say the universe?

I dare. Universe.

Patience, my friend.

Doctor.

Do I know you?

No.

I'm here because I have studied your work

on nano-bot technology.

Nano-bot, my one true love

till some monkey turned them against me.

Be it what it may.

The company I represent is most interested

in getting you out of here

and investing monies in your ideas.

We just need to know what you would require from us.

C... I... Ape.

Provided by explosiveskull https://twitter.com/kaboomskull