Original subtitles

'Every business has its seasons.

'Its periods of slack,

MUSIC: 'Merry Xmas Everybody'

'And its periods where it's rushed

'In the hotel community,

'While the rest of you

'celebrating the season

'..we are, to put it bluntly,

'working our bollocks off.

'Our Christmas and New Year

'organising your parties...

'..delivering your presents...

'..seeing that your season

'Santa doesn't come down our chimney

MAN PANTS

'So, while you're still sweating off

'..February is our time

CLAPPING AND CHEERING

'And we tend to grab

'the bottle by its neck,

All right, Tony?

Late night?

You could say that.

A good night at the Hotel Awards?

Not particularly, no.

Let's see it, then.

What?

Don't, Charlie.

Come on.

did they give you this year?

I didn't win.

You always win.

Who did?

Prat from the Fitzwilliam.

Jasper won Concierge of the Year?

All right, all right, not so loud.

Guess who else won.

Yay!

I had him crowing in my ear

like a Spanish cockerel

At last.

At last, after all these years.

Finally, my genius

Gino Primirola, Barman of the Year.

I'm on top of the world,

like Kate Winslet in

Wind in my hair...

Leonardo DiCaprio

Dead people floating in the water.

Congratulations.

And the bloody sun.

I can't wait to hear Rebecca's face

when I tell her she has

You think I should keep

Oh, yes. Definitely.

Rebecca will understand.

I know congratulations are in order,

but I don't think the sunglasses

LAUGHTER

Talking of which,

staying at the hotel

He is plugging his new film,

No, not the Aiden Spencer, the...

Oscar-winning actor.

Is he really a sex addict?

but isn't that what they call men

They call them "lucky bastards".

His personal life has got nothing

I'd also like to say

You've been London's

every year since I can remember,

so it's nice of you to give others

Just make sure you get it again

Right, that's it. Thank you.

Oh, Christmas.

I'm sorry to have to tell you that

What?

Well, the message from above

since so much stock goes missing

they want to do away with it

No Santa?

It's a ridiculous idea, celebrating

Just cos that's when

it doesn't mean we should.

Can't you override head office?

Not really.

Oh, come on! Get along, everyone.

Haven't you got work to do?

Thank you.

THEY MUTTER

Don't you think

Charlie, I haven't

I've cancelled the staff party,

We really look forward to the party.

I'm sorry, Charlie.

The CEO's rules.

I can't believe she'd cancel

Don't you think we should

Like what?

I don't know. Like work to rule.

I'm sorry. Did I fall asleep

Trade unionism is dead, Jackie.

An Iron Lady came along and killed

You're such a cynic, James.

Christmas is the only time of year

that we get to let our hair down,

All right, fair point.

I can get my girls to work to rule

So? What do you think?

No late-night calls on reception.

No turning up to Rebecca's

No, we couldn't go that far.

I don't see it written down

Yeah! All for one and one for all!

Yay!

Oh, come on, James...

You're not still thinking about

Nah. No, it's not the award.

It's my reputation, you know?

My credibility.

Talk about the younger generation

D'you know how old Jasper is?

27. Twenty-bloody-seven years old.

I've got socks older than that.

Listen.

The judges said that

That my transport was out of date.

What the bloody hell does that mean?

I don't know.

All about limos these days.

I'm thinking about getting

You are?

Yeah, mates of mates. In fact,

What, really?

Don't open the door

They are fine. I mean, you don't

Look around you, Charlie.

They've got chunks of the West End,

They've got banks, restaurants,

In fact, they are the future.

Maybe.

You watch too many films, Charlie.

Just stay out of it.

Sir.

ANNA GASPS

Oh, my God. Don't look now,

but it's a real-life movie star

Oh, shit! Sorry.

Sorry.

Oh, my God! What should I do?

What should I do?

Just act natural.

Ink on your face!

SHE SQUEALS

Morning, Mr Spencer. Can I just say,

what a pleasure it is

Another day, another junket.

So we have the Alexandria Suite

That's correct.

And...

SHE LAUGHS NERVOUSLY

HE SIGHS

So, here is a list

They can wait down here,

one at a time,

It's very important that

He is a very busy man.

Of course he is.

Key?

Oh, sorry!

Sorry...

Mr Spencer, can I just say

how much I loved you in...

when you talk to me.

This way.

Where are the staff?

I think it's something

And why would that be the case?

It wasn't a very popular decision.

I'm the manager of a hotel, Charlie.

I make lots of decisions

If I wanted to be popular,

I'd have joined a girl band

It's just good for staff morale,

So what are you saying?

OK, well, if you're so

you can help me with

That way, on the way round, you can

Excellent. Can't wait.

Oh! That Aiden Spencer

First, the room was too cold.

Then the lights were too bright.

He didn't like the curtains,

and demanded one of the chambermaids

And... looks like

SHE GASPS

I hate vanity in a man.

Anyway, I am off on a break now.

But... But hang on.

If we're gonna work to rule,

I'm entitled to half an hour every

PHONE RINGS

HE WHISTLES

Hello. Reception.

Oh, hello, Miss Scott.

'Not very happy. Can you help?'

Erm, different mineral water?

That's strictly a room service...

'Can't you see to it?'

'It's of paramount importance...'

Yes. No, it's fine.

'Thank you.'

Anything else I can help you with?

I'll keep the journalists coming.

Guy Mellington, The Times.

when making this movie?

Annabel, Daily Mail.

Did you have sex

Mm.

Alan Jordan, Guardian. Could you

Hm?

Do you wear pants?

No.

Eugene, I presume?

Tony, hello.

These are my friends, Andrei, Yuri.

Hello, there.

HE SPEAKS RUSSIAN

Oh, don't mind them.

They are merely, erm,

Oh, right.

Erm, not help exactly.

Actually, I've got a little

Sounds intriguing.

Shall we sit down?

Absolutely.

So you want limousines?

Well, my transport needs updating.

I was thinking of something along

Ah, the Fitzwilliam.

I like the look of you, Tony.

Thank you very much, Eugene.

I get you limos, girls...

Erm, no. Don't need girls.

I've got plenty of girls.

Take the guests where they wanna go.

The theatre, out to dinner.

Up and down Bond Street, shopping.

That sort of thing.

You get five, I get 25,

What, percent?

Percent.

Well, I don't know about that.

Look, man, this is what I do

Take it or leave it.

25 percent?

Look, man, I hate to say this,

but I've taken a look outside,

Your setup here

This place is, erm,

behind the times.

No, you're right. You're right.

When could you start?

EUGENE LAUGHS

Well, now.

OK.

Right, my girls are working to rule.

We're doing nothing that we don't

We closed promptly

Reception's on a go-slow.

Excellent.

I think he's busy

Really? Who are they?

Hope he knows what he's doing.

Which is more than

because if she's not careful,

she's gonna have

Who's going on strike?

Because Rebecca's cancelled

Yep.

She's not got any choice

Extreme is not rewarding your staff

for all the hard work

BEEPER

Well, if you could lay off

you're needed in

Don't look at me. I'm on my break.

Oh!

MUFFLED SHOUTING

Because they smell of dogshit!

And because they make...

..the place look like

DOOR OPENS

Thank you for coming.

So sorry about the mess.

Yeah, I can see that.

Erm, my fault, of course.

I'm one of those clumsy types.

Right.

Poor Mr Spencer.

Please, madam, leave that.

Thank you.

Erm, yes.

Mr Spencer isn't very happy.

He says he wants white flowers

Thought he didn't like white?

It isn't just a female prerogative,

Absolutely, Mr Spencer.

So, erm, we would like you

Right, sure.

What are those ones I like?

Erm...

Erm... I don't know, Mr Spencer.

Erm, white...

SHE GASPS

HE GASPS

White bloody lilies.

Honestly, call yourself a PR?

You couldn't organise a piss-up

A bunch of lilies.

And do remember...

OK.

I tell you, there is something

with that PR woman

Really? How odd?

All I heard was smashing glass.

She answers the door in tears.

Then he throws water all over her

GASPS

Well, it didn't look very loving

He's clearly very uptight

So, Mr Movie Star

They're working to rule, you know.

Housekeeping, reception,

It's just as well the hotel's

They're serious.

Do they know that

Honestly, look at these.

I think we need new cleaners.

It's very clear that this lot

It's not necessarily on them.

SHE SCREAMS

That's a dead rat.

Yes, there ain't no heartbeat there.

Get it away from...

Not scared of rats, are you?

No. I'm just not that fond of them,

Are you just gonna leave it there?

The cleaners will get rid of it.

Oh, that's the new guy

Who?

The pot washer.

He's very handsome.

Not you as well?

Anyway, managers aren't allowed

I'm terribly sorry, but we do need

to let them know whether

ANNA HUMS SUSPICIOUSLY

Oh, fancy bumping into you out here!

ELIZABETH SOBS

Are you OK?

Oh! Oh, right. Erm...

I think maybe you need a drink.

I often find that vodka helps

Come with me.

Oh, no, I couldn't possibly...

You know,

But he has to be the shittiest shit

"Me, me, me!"

Well, that's actors for you.

I always thought it'd be

You know, looking after actors'

I thought I'd see the world, and...

..all I ever get is shouted at

and ignored when things

Oh, I just can't believe

He's a sexist and a bully and...

And?

You know what?

Can't get it up.

SHE GASPS

But I thought he had a sex problem?

Yeah, well, that's the problem.

Well, you've just got

While risk losing my job? He's

If he goes,

You've got to do something.

You've got to stand up to him,

I know you're right,

Well, I'm sure that this girl

Well, let's drink to that.

Eugh!

SPEECH DROWNED OUT BY MUSIC

THEY GIGGLE

It sounds like we've got a plan.

THEY GIGGLE

A great plan.

It's in the bathroom?

There's a black bag in the bathroom.

SHE WHISPERS

Now, will you please show me that

Oh!

THUD

SHE GASPS

HE SPEAKS RUSSIAN

Tony!

Eugene.

So the cars are working?

Fantastic. Exactly what we wanted.

Good. I have been thinking

Oh, yeah?

And I think you need more trips,

Trips?

You know, Stratford.

Oxford, that sort of thing.

Really, we've got that covered.

But I think we should start using

Really, there is no need.

Are you sure?

I could make it worth your while.

No, honestly, it's fine.

Here, take it.

Think of it as an advance.

But this is the sort of cash

if we start using my guys.

It's not that difficult, Tony.

and I give you lots of money!

Since you put it like that!

I do, Tony. I do.

Why do you think I already operate

Hm.

Yes?

I noticed there are still

They're the regulars.

Old-school.

Think of the dividends, Tony.

Get them moved on.

What's Tony doing?

I'm not sure.

Leave it with me.

I think he's just trying out

Is he?

What makes you say that?

Oh, something we were discussing

Was that before or after your

Hey, Tone.

How's it going with the Russians?

Cool as ice.

Well, Rebecca's

She thinks there's a lot of 'em

Well, tell her it's called progress.

Just letting you know.

I've been doing this job

I think I can handle

Yes, mate.

These are the new theatre tickets

Tickets?

Yes, great. Good, thank you.

Mr and Mrs Langan.

I had no idea you were

You weren't at your desk yesterday,

We did ask for you,

He sold us some theatre tickets,

and suggested we try

The seats had such

And the restaurant was some terrible

I know we usually pay a little more,

but not £500.

I can't apologise to you enough.

We have some new people working here

and they're obviously not very good

Please, let me compensate you

I'm so sorry.

what seems to be the problem?

Tony's about to go on a break.

Yes, you are.

Erm, yes. Excuse me.

Don't say a word.

Not from where I'm standing.

I've only just managed to talk

I was about to take care of that.

You were flashing cash around,

Where'd you get the dough?

It is, if it's happening

Now, what are these guys playing at,

It looks like they're running the

Yeah, I thought that was our job.

I think you should tell 'em to go.

What? I'll just tell 'em

Well, whatever it takes.

you've invited the Russians

And she's got plenty to deal with

Charlie...

This is all you could come up with?

Yes, Anna,

You're lucky someone left it behind

I can keep asking around,

No, no, it's fine.

Oh, God!

This is Belinda Bailey

Well, hello there, Belinda.

Come and pop yourself down here.

Why don't you?

SHE EXHALES

So, erm,

do you expect to win an Oscar

Well, it's not out of the question.

Is it?

Are you sure we've never met before?

Absolutely, yes.

Erm, have you always been so good

or do your parts just choose you?

Well, it's all about the muse.

What about you?

Me?

Have you always wanted to write?

No! Y-Yes.

Pretty girl like you

SHE GIGGLES

You might have made it

I don't say this very often,

but let's not talk about me.

Let's just talk about you.

Tony.

Eugene. Good to see you.

How are you? I got your call.

What's the matter?

Oh, no, no problem. Can we sit down?

Eugene, erm, the thing is...

..my manager is none too pleased

I thought this is what they wanted?

Well, maybe I should have

No. No, there's no need for that.

I think we just need to

Tony, are you trying to

No, of course not.

I think... It's just not working.

That's what women say when they want

If you want out, Tony,

just say so.

I want out.

Cool.

Sorry?

That's cool with me.

What kind of a businessman

I don't like doing business

So we're OK, then?

We're OK.

Excellent.

Just one tiny little favour.

I have this friend, Sergei Antonov.

He needs a place to stay

You need a room?

We've got plenty of rooms.

This place is like a morgue

I'll book him in myself.

Good.

Oh, Tony.

Make sure it's nice.

My friend, he likes

No problem.

Take care.

Moving on to your 15th film.

What was the motivation

Do we have to talk about that?

Why don't you come a little closer?

Mr Spencer... Oh!

SHE GIGGLES

Why don't I just, erm,

Be my guest.

SHE GIGGLES

HE CLEARS HIS THROAT

What the hell

Nothing.

Don't bullshit me, you little hack.

Nothing, I have nothing. Do you have

I know what you're after.

Oh, my God. Viagra.

No, it's not. Why would I need

They're not. They're pills

Don't be ridiculous.

Course I can!

Anyone can get Viagra nowadays,

These are on prescription,

All right. How much do you want?

People like you always have a price.

Hah! Believe me, sweetheart,

I've paid off far more important

All right, yes, I take Viagra.

But you put that in your article,

I'll deny everything

See, unlike you...

..I can be hard.

Oh, cocks!

All right, what do you want?

Leave Elizabeth alone.

Elizabeth? What's she got

One more glass of water

..and you'll find out.

Insurance.

Thank you!

Oh!

I owe you.

Good afternoon.

These gentlemen are with me.

What rooms do we have available?

Take your pick.

Thank you.

Have a pleasant evening, gentlemen.

Hi, it's me.

Yeah. Look, I'm not gonna

I know, but something's come up

Just to keep an eye on things.

Yeah.

Yeah, I love you too.

OK.

Come along, Mr Spencer.

Yes. Yes, all right.

What the hell is going on

There's people trooping in and out.

There are?

It's got nothing to do with me.

I think I'm gonna go

No, I don't think

In which case, I'm definitely

KNOCK ON DOOR

MAN SINGS SOFTLY IN OWN LANGUAGE

Hello, honey!

How many?

Grams! What do you think?

What do you think you're doing

Selling drugs.

What are you doing?

I've come to clean the room.

What the hell

This is $10,000 of goods.

Boss, what shall we do with her?

For a very pretty woman...

..it's a very pretty face.

She has been very, very stupid.

MAN SPEAKS RUSSIAN

SHE GRUNTS

SERGEI SPEAKS RUSSIAN

Just throw her down the stairs.

Let go of me!

What have you done?

I've been thrown across a room

What?

There's coke everywhere.

that that's where you drew the line?

You turned a blind eye but didn't

I swear to you.

Well, they are. And in our hotel.

The hotel you're

TV IS ON

You two. Out, now!

Get your stuff and get out of here.

And we're calling the police.

No. No-one's calling the police,

Move!

You too, laughing boy.

When Eugene hears about this...

..you are in deep, deep shit.

Yeah? Well, we'll see about that.

Mm-hm.

THEY SPEAK RUSSIAN

I've let them get away with it

because the hotel is empty.

But my patience is exhausted.

My meetings are not optional.

I really think you should

Rebecca...

Rebecca!

OK, I'm gonna step out of line.

I think you're a good manager,

And I'm on your side.

But I just think you're gonna

Come on then, Charlie.

If you go in there,

telling them to get back

and then just send them off to work,

you're gonna have a mutiny

Let them have the party.

I don't question your judgment

I am.

Well, it seems I'm over a barrel.

So I've been thinking, maybe

Maybe head office doesn't

and maybe we can have Christmas

BEN GASPS

Yes, Gino.

Jolly good news.

So, Rebecca, should I tell

I'm sorry?

You will be cooking the dinner,

I will?

Isn't that what all the managers

EVERYONE MUMBLES AGREEMENT

Oh, right. Erm...

No... I mean, yes!

Yes, absolutely. And...

Charlie can be my sous chef.

THEY SNIGGER

I can?

HE SIGHS

An afternoon in the kitchens.

What a treat.

How do you turn this on?

Yes, the oven.

Oh!

Chef!

If you're so au fait with

Right. Good.

So... that's Christmas dinner.

So that is turkey, potatoes,

vegetables and... some pudding.

A little bit of cranberry sauce,

What? Not only do you tell me

you're now telling me

I didn't mean it like that.

without the extra trimmings.

If you're so keen,

you can do...

..all of these.

Well, I will make some pudding.

Books. Where are the recipe books?

I don't think there are any.

How can I cook without a book?

Do I look like a woman

I'm just saying that...

Oh! Chef!

Charlie, get me Chef

I've got a rebelling workforce

and four hours

HE SIGHS

DOOR OPENS

Hello?

Look, this is all your fault.

I wouldn't be in this situation.

All I said was, I didn't think it

No, you didn't.

which you always do.

It left me with my back

You know, you really are

It doesn't always pay to be

I listen to 'em. Isn't that a basic

Ah, you're all heart! Eggs?

There. At least I've got one.

Oh, no!

Now look what you've made me do!

Me?

No, I wasn't.

Oh, jeez, don't worry about it.

What d'you mean, don't worry?

I've got a party to organise,

I've got Christmas puddings

We can make another pudding.

But there isn't time.

There's loads of time,

How?

Come here.

It was missing the magic ingredient.

Which is?

Brandy.

Here you are.

Merry Christmas.

Cheers.

# I don't want a lot for Christmas

# There is just one thing I need

# And I don't care about no presents

# Underneath the Christmas tree

# I don't need to hang my stocking

# There upon the fireplace... #

Ah!

SHE BLOWS

# I just want you for my own

# More than you could ever know

# Make my wish come true

# All I want for Christmas

THEY GIGGLE

# Ooh, baby

# Oh, I won't ask for much

# I won't even wish for snow

# I'm just gonna keep on waiting

# Underneath the mistletoe

# I won't make a list and send it

# To the North Pole for St Nick

# I won't even stay awake... #

Why isn't James here?

Because that moody bastard

I think I should be exempt

because I've been working

Erm, no, you haven't.

Have you seen these nails?

Who's first?

You.

Yes!

SHE SQUEALS

Oh!

It's so unfair.

I had no idea

You really are a great manager.

SHE LAUGHS

Even if, very occasionally,

I do need pushing

Well...

..we all need a bit of direction

Maybe.

I just can't believe this food.

Where did you learn to cook

I came from a big family of boys,

and me mam needed some help so,

And besides, I love it.

Do you?

Absolutely.

than being able to cook for someone.

Charlie, you old romantic!

D'you know? I don't think anyone

Really?

Not even Christmas dinner?

I hate Christmas.

and we all know how well

I'm sorry.

No, no, don't be.

Some of us are just...

..born to be unhappy.

Well, situations change.

Not for me.

People can surprise you.

Even the...

..hardest nut will crack in the end.

Do you really think so?

I know so.

It's just a question of

Right.

Ah, hello!

Would you like some help

Erm, yes.

James, that is a very good idea.

CAR APPROACHES

Eugene.

Tony, Tony, Tony.

What a bother. I cannot believe it.

When Sergei says he's homeless,

I take him at his word.

I had no idea.

Well, there's no need to apologise.

But, Tony, I feel dreadful.

I've put your hotel in jeopardy.

Drugs.

Messy things.

Like I say. There's no need, Eugene.

I know.

But I'd like us still to be friends.

Well, of course.

Cigarette?

No, I haven't smoked in a while.

Tony.

Now you're offending me.

HE COUGHS

It's been a while.

I can see that.

Smoking is a young man's game.

And you seem to have

MUSIC: 'Chestnuts Roasting On An

# Although it's been said

# Many times, many ways

# Merry Christmas

# To you. #

# I wish it could be Christmas

CHATTER

SHE GIGGLES

This all looks fantastic, eh?

I know, I can't quite believe it.

Well, it's not down to me.

Really?

She doesn't look like a woman

I know what you mean.

OK, ladies and gentlemen,

I know you're about to

but just bear with me

I want to propose a toast,

I'd like to just thank you all

for what has been a great year.

You've all worked really hard,

so big round of applause

THEY APPLAUD AND CHEER

Thank you, all.

And secondly,

to Rebecca.

You creeping bastard!

LAUGHTER

You've worked so hard,

It's one of the best Christmas

Looks fantastic,

And let's all charge our glasses

and toast Rebecca.

To Rebecca!

ALL: To Rebecca!

Thank you, everyone.

I just wanna say,

You're being modest. You were great.

We wouldn't have even had

if it wasn't for you,

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

SHE MOUTHS

HE SIGHS

HE GROANS

MUFFLED CELEBRATIONS

Hi, losers! Hi!

SHE GIGGLES

Oh, dear. Are you on your own?

If you've come here to gloat,

I am not in the mood.

Now, where is your Christmas spirit?

It's February.

Well, try telling that

How's it going down there?

It's fabulous. Everyone's having

Oh, leave me alone.

From one fairy to another,

it's quite boring without you,

Really?

Yeah. I brought you this.

Mm!

That's very kind of you.

Mm! This pudding is delicious.

Rebecca made it.

Really?

I don't believe her, either.

THEY GIGGLE

Excuse me.

I'm really sorry about yesterday.

Don't worry about it.

As long as it's sorted.

Oh, yeah, it's sorted.

Good. Merry Christmas.

Thank you. You too.

And you look lovely.

You all right, mate?

You don't look fine to me.

Nah, trust me, man. I'm good.

Yeah. You look like you're

What was it?

Yeah, something like that.

You should get yourself checked out,

just in case they've done any

Nah, I'm fine. Anyway,

Nobody deserves a beating like that.

I've been such an idiot.

No, you haven't.

I've made some stupid decisions

but this was about the worst.

Now you're just being

No, I'm not.

All the mistakes I made before

innocent.

This time, I knew exactly what

but I went ahead and did it anyway.

Wanted the money.

Wanted the cut.

You know, I wanted to win

I put myself before the hotel,

You can say what you like

but I've worked here

and it's always looked after me.

Fed my family, funded my retirement.

I so nearly just pissed it all away.

We all make mistakes, mate.

But some of us are too old

That just means that the payback's

Yeah, tell me something

Wait here.

CHEERING AND LAUGHING

I've taken the liberty

Gino's finest cognacs.

This will help dull the pain.

No, it's not quite £750 a shot,

but it ain't far off.

Well, he is gonna be furious.

I don't think he's gonna notice.

He's in bits.

Cheers.

That's good cognac, isn't it?

I'll leave that with you.

Top man.

It's Christmas Eve,

and the snow is falling.

You know, deep and crispy Steven.

And I'm looking in every shop

for the little car that he wants.

At last, I found it.

And it was worth it, eh?

Because Christmas morning,

when he opened his present,

and his tiny little hand

..he looked at me

"Thank you, Papa."

"Papa."

He said that word.

"Papa."

That's the first time

And the last time, as well.

Because I haven't seen him since.

SHE GASPS

"Papa."

How old's little Gino now?

26.

What? What?

Every year, you tell that story,

and every year, it gets more

Whoever heard of it snowing

THEY LAUGH

You bastards.

Where's your feelings? Insensitive.

'Our Christmas may well be

'but the feelings, the end-of-year

'It's a time when we like

'..a time for reflection

'When we learn that, sometimes,

'Where we learn that some people

'aren't quite who

So, Anna...

..rumour has it you got the scoop

How much did you get for the story?

I didn't sell it, actually.

Really?

I just thought it was

'And sometimes we find that,

'just when we think we have

'we know what we're doing

'life throws us one of

I'm sorry. I didn't realise